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Part 11: Interesting Times

Babylonian Agent Em sets out as Steve Jobs join the Buccaneers!

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    Greetings and Salutations Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome to what promises to be a very enthralling and action-packed segment of the Battle Royale! I am blogger/redditor/Welshman u/TheUtterChrisp, and today, for the first time, I’ll be bringing you reports from around the globe as it all kicks off! If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve seen thus far and are browsing from r/civ or r/all, be sure to pop over and join the good folk over at r/civbattleroyale for a spot of friendly international trash talk and more in-depth coverage of the geopolitical situation that our 60+ civs face today! Before continuing, I would to give a quick shout out to the civ modding and reddit communities for being awesome and providing some real quality content, and particularly to u/TPangolin for a) making this all happen in the first place and b) giving this random schmuck a shot at writing for it! So without any further ado, I’m proud to present the Civ V Battle Royale Part 11: “Interesting Times”

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    Many thanks to u/SylonL (and /u/Kittke for the gif version) for the latest map in a series of fantastic contributions towards this project. It’s definitely worth taking the time to examine the world in its current state, because the Wheel of Time ever spins onwards, and things will never be the same again...

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    Here are your top ten contenders as determined by a crack squad of elite power rankers! Now that that's out of the way!

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    Wasting absolutely no time before getting stuck into some drama, Hawaii declares war against the Philippines. This is an encouraging move for the Pacific residing nation who will now display a military presence on both sides of the gigantic body of water. The Aussies should also be content with this development, as despite their position as a fan favourite and a powerful regional competitor, they’ve suffered a number of embarrassing defeats at the hands of Jose Rizal (of the Philippines) recently. As an additional note, both Toowoomba and Pangasinan display signs of heavy damage, and with a Philippine, Kimberley and Australian presence in the area, things could still go a number of ways in the tale of the two cities. That has a nice ring to it, somebody should write that down.

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    Here we bring a report live from further into the Oceanic archipelago. The Philippines must be having a hard time of it at war with the Kimberley, Australians and Hawaiians in just this region alone. The city of Laguna appears to have recently fallen to the Kimberley through a powerful naval assault of triremes and galleasses. Jandamarra (of the aforementioned Kimberley) must be counting his blessings, as the securing of this city not only gives him a straight shot up the channel to the rest of the Filipino empire, but also a nice proxy towards a thinly defended Australian city and the lush Indonesian isles beyond…

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    On the other side of the pacific, Canada and their native counterparts, the Blackfoot, ironically sign a Declaration of Friendship. This really does not bode well for the Sioux, who now find themselves surrounded by enemies on all sides. Seriously, somebody take Philadelphia, it’s right there. In the United States (or State, at this rate), Lincoln faces a crisis from inside as well as out, as known Texan sympathiser Ronald Chump announces his intentions to challenge Lincoln’s Presidency. He does this by mounting an extremely aggressive campaign focusing entirely on the poor leadership skill and decisions made thus far. As such, the “#CHUMP1820 HE BALLS’ED UP, NOT ME” campaign is born.

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    Things have certainly reached boiling point in South America! With both Brazil and Chile banging down Incan doors on two fronts, one has to wonder how the famous turtler will be able to handle this particular conundrum. In fairness they probably will, Argentina is too busy settling undefended cities elsewhere and the two attackers don’t yet seem to have the numbers. However, it would be foolish to rule these developments out.

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    Oh Ashanti, you poor, poor, unfortunate souls. Central Africa really isn’t the place to be this time of year, with a cross-continent nabbing Morocco, regional powers Mali and the Boers on both sides and a line of archers to defend themselves with; the curtains appear to be closing for the humble mid-African state. Will they survive to live another day or will they go the way of the Dodo? Only time will tell. That and the Malian army currently storming through its countryside. Also to note, the Philippines and the Maori have just declared their intentions to be BBFs for the foreseeable future, trading cricket cards and other oceanic stereotypes I’m unfamiliar with. This doesn’t look good for the Australians, who may just find themselves some contention in their backyard.

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    Apparently not for the time being however, as Parkes (of Australia) and Rizal (of the Philippines) call it quits. Observe the Vietnamese forces to the northwest. If anything should serve as an incentive for Rizal to tidy up the eastern flank, it’s that, as an attack from Vietnam could strike at multiple locations at once all over their exposed borders.

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    Bad news for the Armenians I’m afraid, as the Timurids, feeling particularly courageous, swoop in and annex the city of Bukhara, an impressive feat considering its proximity to both mountains and the sea. The capture of this means well for the Timurids, as now a greater opportunity to conquer Yervantashat, or indeed the Armenian heartland, has opened up. I’m not sure what gives me this impression, but I’d wager a lot of money that the Siberians know what’s going on.

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    And now for a shot of one of the bloodiest places on the planet, central Europe, particularly focusing on the Balkans. What is there to say about the situation? It’s a bad time for Rome. With both the original empire and its eastern counterpart Byzantium having had simply a dreadful run of things, including the former losing the mighty city of Antium to the Spartan onslaught very recently. It says a lot about the leadership quality of Caesar that despite having access to both of his UUs simultaneously he cannot even hold on to the Italian homeland. There appears to be a bit of a kerfuffle happening over in Corinth, however it does not yet seem worth commenting on. Also notice that both the Polish and the Germans look a little thin on the ground compared to times gone by. The French, Scandinavians and Soviets are, I assume, fully aware of this development.

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    Meanwhile, fresh faced and smiling from successful Canadian courting, Crowfoot (of the Blackfoot) has uttered a Declaration of War against the Sioux! Most unpleasant for Sitting Bull (of the Sioux), who sits at the epicenter of a whirlwind of war, violence and nasty squabbles. A particularly cheeky Benito Juarez (of Mexico), currently engaging in an overwhelming assault on the city of Wahpekute, has stuck a fort near Sisseton, right up Sitting Bull’s proverbial arse. Say what you will about the Sioux, they don’t like it up ‘em, not one bit.

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    The battle of the Sarai rages on as Shaoshan falls to the Siberians. Turns out that the Mongolian strategy of having a lone archer taking pot-shots nearby is not very effective… To the north, it’s possible to see that the Siberian dreams of expansion don’t just lie to the east, as two settlers make their way through the frozen north to find some inviting mounds of snow to call home. To the south, near his capital, Genghis Khan (of the Mongols) appears to have a crack team of troops ready to go and make an impression on his Saraian counterparts, but only the AI programming will tell if he’s competent enough to figure out a decent strategy.

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    Breaking news in the land of the free! Canada captures Philadelphia from the Sioux, thus bringing fan dreams of a new “Canifest Destiny” that much closer to fruition. Also that’s a pretty groovy looking army they have there, want trebuchets, much? Meanwhile, Lincoln’s constitutional crisis continues, as critics are reportedly unimpressed with his “#WellYouTryBeingPresidentForAF@ckingDayThen” counter-campaign. The prime-time American news distributor, BCNN, is quick to trademark and shriek the headline, “CHUMP STUMPS AND TRUMPS LINCOLN!”

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    Rommel, apparently fed up of faffing about in the desert for the fuhrer decides to defect to Iceland. This bodes well for the Arctic country, who have already displayed a distinct interest in the prosperous lands to the west… Don’t think you’re getting away with that Saladin, we all know how you feel about Armenia!

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    Fantastic news everybody, Christopher Columbus has discovered Hamburg! He’d taken a wrong turn when going to the shops. In other reports, the Baltic Sea is still a ridiculously populated flashpoint that is sure to erupt sooner rather than later. What’s worth noting is that despite a relative lack of navy from the Polish and German neighbours, the Scandinavian nations in general should still probably feel a little threatened due to a little bit of a build up from the west; distinctly coloured green.

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    Back in central Asia, the Sarai war slowly grinds to a halt without any other real action taking place. Peace in our time? No chance! The peace announcement barely has time to fly before the Filipino emissary comes bursting in warning of warfare, pillaging and general nastiness coming from their purple brethren, the Champa. Also, take a moment to notice the fort placement that Attila (of the Huns) has chosen outside Mosul, making a hypothetical campaign against Qizil Tura a no-brainer.

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    And here are the combatants! In all fairness to the Champa, who haven’t had the best rep thus far; if I were Filipino I’d be feeling pretty intimidated. As of here, the Champese navy looks pretty gosh dang scary, compared with the opposition, whose navy I’d assume is still on the other side of Oceana. This may really end up being a bad time for the Philippines. With the purple colouring and fantastic city names, all I can really say regarding the Champa at this point is “GO ON, MÝ  SO’N”

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    THAT’S IT YOU BEAUTIFUL, BRILLIANT, BUCCANEERING BASTARDS, GET IN THERE!!! Ahem. The moment that I’m sure a great deal many of you have been waiting for is here, as Henry Morgan (of the swashbuckling Buccaneers) strikes. Sensing an opportunity in the rather lazy, quiet and relatively outdated Mayan empire he throws… ...a pikeman at them. Hopefully reinforcements will arrive shortly, else I get the feeling that the buccaneers won’t be accessing that sweet Mayan booty. Also notice that Texas has also joined the fight on Morgan’s side. As to who would get the spoils, we’ll simply have to wait and see.

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    You heard it here first folks, Apple endorses piracy. That’s where the attacking force was! Making brilliant use of the Panama Canal, Morgan sends an armada of Triremes down to the isolated Mayan city of Tulum. It seems like only a matter of time before it falls into the Buccaneers hands/hooks.

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    Meanwhile, back in the land where everything seems to go right, congratulations to Canada, who just completed Notre Dame! They also appear to have absolutely no time for the Icelandic spearmen stationed at their border, and have chosen to show off their shiny new longswordsmen as a means of putting them off. Winter may be coming, but it’s not quite here yet.

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    A terminally confused, and most likely intoxicated army of Soviet and Finnish troops wander around the Hunnic city of San Bartolo, wondering exactly if they’ve forgotten something that their generals told them. Something important. Probably not, they reason.

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    The Afghani-Timurid war stutters on with no real change, or effort, from both sides. The problem with this particular conflict is that there are far too many mountains and hills. The troops should think about installing slides and ladders. Or invest in some elephants; I hear that they’re pretty good at mountaineering… The Armenians appear to have triumphed in their recapture of Bukhara, and to celebrate this momentous occasion they have chosen to…burn it to the ground. Clearly the taint of the Timurids was too much for them to handle!

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    A Nazi and a Jew pose and hover-hand awkwardly for a rare photo-op. The Inuit and Yakutia borders have officially clashed up in the north-east. Will this finally be enough to wake the sleeping Asian giant? Somehow I’m feeling skeptical.

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    Here we’re presented with an expansive shot of the Mediterranean Sea and the Carthaginian Empire. All credit where it’s due to Hannibal (of Carthage), after a fairly underwhelming start he’s managed to make something of himself thanks to the acquisition of Olympia and especially Arretium. Portugal has also just made peace with the Ayyubids, surprising exactly nobody. One really has to wonder what they were thinking. Maybe they reeeaaallly wanted that one yellow hex between Sparta and Gades for “strategic fishing purposes”.

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    Has Sri-Lanka finally proved itself to be the empire that breaks the Empire-Breaker? It’s far too early to tell, but the loss of the Afghani city of Mazar-I-Sharif to the south-Indian civilization certainly raises hopes that we’re going to see some real action in this corner of the world. They may want to think about fortifying Negombo however, in the event that Darius gets it in his head that Persia’s a bit cramped…

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    Meanwhile in South Africa, or “Boersville” at this point, all seems largely peaceful. The Kongo are definitely the underdogs in this region, with a decent looking navy (although lacking range) and a large number of composites, making both defense and city damage a walk in the park. The Boers will need to move forward with great trepidation and forethought in order to ensure that they remain the top dog. Also, hey Shaka, loving the warriors buddy. Gonna put on an adorable little show for us are they?

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    Oh boy, things are really going south for the Mayans as the Buccaneers implement a brutal two pronged attack. They’ve already lost Tulum, and Chichen Itza looks extremely likely to follow. Also, the Texans appear to have launched a naval attack of their own, but nowhere near to the same scale. One has to wonder if Henry Morgan struck a deal with them to act as a diversion. Things couldn’t be looking better for Morgan at the moment. With the capture of Tulum, which they’ve decided to keep, he has a perfect proxy city for a potential crusade against the Incas, who are sitting ducks in a hypothetical attack from the west. They’ve gained a reputation for turtling thanks to their thus far extremely effective defense against the rest of the South American continent, yet they’re going to need to be able to adapt as soon as possible to this new, doubloon-loving threat. Of note: Argentina finally fortified Parana! About bloody time you nutters.

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    And now for a look at the state of the battle-hardened Sioux. There’s certainly a mixed bag on the western front, as they attempt to push back an invasion from both the Blackfoot and the Mexicans, yet it could be a little worse. Sitting Bull seems to have stationed enough troops to the north in order to defend against the incursion from Mdewakantonwan, and despite the fact that Mexico has fatally damaged the city of Wahpekute, the clown of a general has forgotten to reposition any melee units to the front lines. If the city falls, it may indeed end in the hands of the Blackfoot, instead of the primary damaging force.

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    In the frozen wastes of “Oop Norf”, we find a metric ton of Inuit cities, as well as the Sioux – Blackfoot war continuing to rage over the city of Sichangu, with both injured Canadian and Inuit troops and navy displaying a presence too.

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    Evidently unhappy with the status quo, and Saladin, Israel declares war upon the Ayyubids, and unleashes a tactic that could be seen as utterly unprecedented... They shove confused looking prophets and missionaries at the enemy. It’s an interesting strategy Dave, let’s see if it pays off.

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    Man, these two chaps really have some difficulties getting along don’t they? For perhaps the gazillionth time (official estimates suggest), Poland and the Nazis once again find themselves at war. It’s interesting that Poland was the one who threw the first slap, because if anything, the Nazis look a little more prepared in terms of troop location to launch an invasion into Polish territory. I’m not sure how long it’s been that way, but “tee-hee” at Sparta’s encroaching fort placements towards the city of Cumae. Sassy bugger.

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    It’s really all kicking off everywhere now, as an emboldened Morocco starts its own campaign against their comparatively smaller neighbor Carthage. It’s an interesting turn of events, as Morocco now leaves itself completely open to a potential Portuguese invasion, and at least in archery, they appear to be out teched by their eastern neighbour. However they have pikemen to Carthage’s spearmen, so the war could really go either way. Consider European powers a wildcard in this conflict.

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    It really doesn’t bode well for Carthage in their defensive war against Ahmad (of the Morrocans) that their Great Leader appears to have gotten a little lost. It must be said that the Hawaiian Islands are looking quite impressive with their cities and sizes. Honolulu could be a major player if they put their minds to it.

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    Back in the Caribbean wars, the Mayans desperately hold off against a ruthless attack from both the Buccaneers and the Texans. Surely it’s only a matter of time before Chichen Itza falls? Additionally, the Buccaneers appear to have no less than two great generals at their disposal. Meanwhile in sunny Mexico, Benito Juarez orders the great artist to faff about off the coast of Guadalajara for some bizarre reason.

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    The great South American deadlock continues and yet finally seems to progress, if just by a little. Those Chilean triremes look awfully close to the Incan city of Tiwanaku. In the event this city falls, as the Incan land forces are currently engaging the Brazilians, the Chileans could reinforce with land troops and then make a decapitation strike at the Incan capital itself. Meanwhile, some of Morgan’s scouts seek out new places to plunder…

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    See that massive army/naval troop stack in the sea there? It’s pretty formidable isn’t it? It’d be great against the local powers like Arabia, Israel or Afghanistan. Or you know Darius (of Persia), you could just declare war on someone half a continent away… Off to the east, the Afghans aren’t very pleased with the Sri Lankan acquisition of Mazar-I-Sharif, and so are, apparently to great success, doing something about it. It’s not like the campaign against the Timurids is going anywhere!

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    And there it goes! Chichen Itza falls to Buccaneer forces dealing a second harsh blow against the Mayan civilization. Steve Jobs oversees his people’s conquest, and is pleased. To celebrate the resounding victory, Apple announces the launch of a new app, iSpy, a game that will be played for centuries to come. The Mayans, disillusioned by recent events to decide to alter their calendar to count downwards, in order to emphasise their eventual doom. I’m sure that won’t have any confusing repercussions generations down the line…

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    Alas, China. How the mighty have fallen! Initially a fan/bookie favourite, numerous incursions from the surrounding nations have left the real life world power struggling for relevancy. The dire straits that they find themselves in have become ever more prevalent in Chinese popular culture. The new hit musical “The Sound of Warfare,” has sold remarkably well, and some of the more popular tracks it contains, like “Oh God, The Hills Are On Fire”, and “How Do You Solve A Problem Like Korea?” have remained at the top of the charts for a depressingly long time.

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    The Vikings are coming! As well as a potential Polish offensive from the east, Hitler (of Nazi Germany) now finds himself feebly swatting away a gigantic Norwegian navy from the north. All that Oslo would really need to do here is hurl boats at Hamburg until it falls over, and they certainly have no shortage of those! Kudos to Sweden, Stockholm is looking pretty neat there at a comfortable size 22. Take some notes Darius.

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    At last, my homeland! You know, hailing from Wales, I’m actually completely torn as to who to root for here. Should I remain loyal to the union and back my English cousins, or go further back in time and support the more Celtic influenced nation? Maybe we could just unionize and give those who live across the channel a proper good what-for. Either way, the military buildup around Limerick is starting to look a little scary, especially if you happen to live in Canterbury. Having said that, an Icelandic forward settle onto the west of Scotland may prove too much of a temptation for Ireland to just focus on the south.

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    And now for another glance at the situation in central Europe. My my, the Polish-German war really hasn’t kicked off yet has it? I’m beginning to think that the Poles declared war on Hitler purely on principle. To the west, France seems content to just sit tight and grow a bigger and stronger. Some interesting play for Napoleon, who has been quite quiet for a while now. I can only hope that they’re planning something big. Something aimed distinctly eastward. Rome is still clinging on to existence, albeit barely. Spartan pikemen are pouring towards Cumae, and the presence of a few triremes tickling the side of the capital serves as a reminder to the Roman Empire that their days are numbered.

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    Over in central Asia, the Afghanis and the Timurids realise that their mountain war may have been the dumbest thing they’ve both respectively done, and decide to sign a ten turn non-aggression pact, which includes any and all name calling. Plus, now that Afghanistan isn’t fruitlessly sending its troops over death-mountain, it may finally be able to take back Mazar-I-Sharif from those pesky Sri Lankans. Also, hey Tibet, how’s it hanging? Hoping to hear more from you shortly.

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    Congratulations to Australia, who are the first civilization to come stumbling out of the middle ages and into a relative age of enlightenment. Spies all around! Now the real fun gets to begin. Also, can I just say, that outback tile looks bloody lovely with some green on it; the continent is looking pretty damn snazzy at the moment.

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    Where else would we send it? As agent Em is bustled hastily off to the silent giant, the rest of the world waits with baited breath to try and figure out what on earth is going on over there. Figure out where the spies will land next in this thread here! - https://redd.it/3ko72y

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    Those Filipinos, man! Whilst Toowoomba, for now, appears to be once again firmly in Henry Parkes’ (of Australia) grip, they’ve instead directed their attention to the nearby Hawaiian city of Kaneohe. With three ranged ships, a lack of Hawaiian defense and a trireme on the way, it seems like another sure conquest for the Philippines. It’s definitely worth mentioning that the largely overlooked nation is bringing some real intrigue and gumption into the Oceanic theatre. It’s a lot of fun to watch.

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    Things appear to have largely stalemated in North America since we last dropped in. Despite the fact that the Sioux have lost Wahkepute to the remotely competent Mexican army, the loss shouldn’t prove to be too much of a dent. The mountain range to the immediate east allows for a very narrow funnel for enemy troops, one that could easily be blocked, and compared to the rest of Sitting Bull’s cities, he could have fared a lot worse. The Blackfoot invasion to the north appears to have been largely rebuffed. For now.

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    To the north, things aren’t going quite as well. With both Blackfoot and Inuit soldiers making camp outside the walls, one has to wonder if Sitting Bull will just chalk that particular city up as a loss. He really should be considering some peace deals at the moment.

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    Is it just me, or do the Inca have a hell of a lot more triremes since we last looked? One can hardly blame them, with a potential wildcard in the form of Henry Morgan with a foot firmly in their doorstep, their list of potential threats just became that much scarier. In regards to the front with Brazil, nothing really has changed. Now look to the south. Chile has something that the Incans don’t appear to; a galleass. This may just be enough to tip the war in Chilean favour…

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    An Inuit, Yakutian and Japanese man walk into a clearing. There’s no punchline - the settlement game is very serious. Meanwhile, the scouting committee holds a meeting, featuring secret handshakes and scones.

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    Flashing back to Oceana, we see that Hawaii loses a city to the Philippines after all. When all’s said and done, Jose Rizal has done a sterling job of keeping the bigger boys on their toes. In the event they can survive a potential Cham/Japanese invasion, they may become a much bigger threat later in the game.

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    Meanwhile, back at home base, we see Rizal counting his lucky stars that his navy has a chokepoint. With the superior naval technology, they may not have too much of a problem rebuffing the western invasion. Having said that, it would be super awesome if they actually, you know, used half of those advanced boats in combat. I assume a Mexican admiral is there on holiday, giving pointers.

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    The sun is rising! A sudden full-scale attack from the Japanese from the north catches the Philippines with their trousers down. Rizal appears to have opened up too many fronts, and despite there being a small collection of troops in nearby Cebu, it may not be fast enough to rebuff the lightning strike of the Meiji (of Japan).

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    Would you look at that! China, probably sick of being kicked around, dedicates ninety percent of their forces to capture the nearby city of Tabriz. They don’t really seem to have a lot of boots on the ground, but the technology at the very least is fairly sound. The only hitch in their brilliant plan is that they’ve left their southern front door defenseless against an army of stronger, bigger and nastier Vietnamese army. And they’re just about to knock.

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    Over in the Mediterranean, Maria and Hannibal bring the war to a close, thus ending one of the most anti-climactic conflicts in world history. You see all those boats you have there Maria? Sometimes it helps if you use them! The Moroccans also appear to have forgotten how to War Good, dallying around in the desert doing bugger all. Someone who doesn’t need any encouragement is Leonidas (of the Spartans), who in a fit of enlightenment and enthusiasm decides to send a crack suicide squad of a trireme and a pikeman directly into the heart of Roman territory. Points for originality.

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    Meanwhile, as the world continues to turn, deep to the south, below a layer of frozen, biting water, the sounds of party streamers, cheering and festivities can be heard. Nebuchadnezzar cracks a wry smile as he sips his appletini - yep, that's canon ow. Happy Golden Age Everyone!

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    In a surprising development, impressively Sitting Bull manages to reacquire Wahpekute from the Mexican forces. As to how long he’ll be able to be King of this particular hill is anybody’s guess, but the fact is it proves the Sioux’s survivability thus far has been insane. The Blackfoot offensive to the north also appears to have been completely and utterly devastated, with no territory changing hands.

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    Wake up! For real, looking at army and city sizes, I can’t help but think that the Yakutia are becoming a little bit irrelevant. It’s not too late to invade the Mongols guys! Like most of you, I actually really want to see an active, aggressive Yakutia state, as I feel that would utterly change the entire Asian geopolitical dynamic, and potentially halt the Inuit expansion in their tracks. But alas, no, they’re more content to sit twiddling their thumbs and go on about how good at building big things they are.

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    In the faraway lands of Eastern Europe, we see that a lot of things are happening. Firstly, Byzantium aren’t looking so hot. With no real military tech past the swordsman – of which they have one, they’re sitting ducks should the Spartans, Soviets or Polish ever think to casually pop over for there for a bit of cheeky tea and conquest. Speaking of the Soviets, Stalin appears to have really embraced the ideologies of Communism and Marxism and has marked the occasion by producing an absolute shedload of workers, who literally run all along the Polish and Finnish borders. But hey, they’re all equal, it’s just that a couple are a tad more equal than others. Interestingly, when questioned about how it was that Kiev came to be a Soviet city, the Russians denied all involvement. Meanwhile, you may have noticed a little bit of a scrap happening “oop norf” west, which will quickly become relevant…

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    The ongoing Hunnic-Finnish tug of war continues! With, ironically, Stalin’s moral support, the Finns do a sterling job of taking the city of San Bartolo from Attila. This actually poses a serious problem for the barbaric leader, who now finds an enemy that has direct access to his capital. “You’re Finnished!” shouts a Scandinavian general happily, repeating his catchphrase for the forty-third time that day. I make no apologies for that joke.

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    You know, I feel really bad for the inhabitants of Sichangu. If there’s one place in the world that you really don’t want to live, it’s here. Aside from being stuck in the middle of the frozen wasteland, it also suffers from being trapped between four expanding empires, who for the most part really don’t seem to want to play nice. After just about getting used to the notion of living under the Blackfoot, the Inuit are all like “Hell no!” and launch an invasion of the city, and with the troop levels they’ve committed it sure looks likely that once again, it will fall.

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    A brand new Inuit city on the peninsula of the far-east hinders further both Japanese and Yakutia expansionism. If ever there were a cassus beli for the Yakutia to finally stir, surely this cross continental settling would be it?

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    Over in America, during all the warfare and the chaos and the ridiculous leadership campaigns, one man stands his ground and examines the world around him, attempting to draw some sense in the conflicts and the strategies therein. Sun Tzu, or “Sonny Jim”, to his friends, decides it’s high time that he wrote a book… Meanwhile, in quite a funny bit of historical irony, the Soviet Union denounces Poland. Will that lead to a conflict that could tear Eastern Europe apart? Will Poland have the chance to finally remove Hitler from the game? And will the bloody Yakutia actually do anything worthwhile? This and more in another exciting episode of the battle royale!

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    Lastly, we come to the data slides. The first thing I noticed when comparing this to the last available set, (part 9), was that the ongoing wars against Sitting Bull may be taking their toll. The Sioux’ population slips from a very impressive fifth place to twelfth. Whilst this isn’t the biggest crisis a nation has seen, they are going to have to fight boldly, work hard, and engage in more hanky-panky in order to ensure that they stay a powerful regional, and eventual global player. Other than that things are largely consistent, with Texas continuing to hold the top spot followed by Canada, Yakutia and Australia. Brazil has also advanced a couple of points, coming from ninth to fifth.

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    At the other end of the spectrum we have some of the usual suspects. Byzantium, the Ashanti, Rome and China all feature themselves less than proudly here. Surely it’s only a matter of time before these chaps fall?

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    Last time these were checked, the Yakutia still held the top spot. No more however, as the mighty Kangaroo leaps three places into first, making it the current top military superpower. Yakutia still holds a very formidable second, followed by other lean, mean movers and shakers like The Boers, Canada and The Kimberley.

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    Aaaaaand in the lame corner we have some more people we really aren’t surprised to see, with Rome, China and Byzantium bringing up the rear with paltry personnel potential. Also notice the Maya here. I’m willing to bet they’ve fallen a good few places recently.

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    We welcome a new face to the top ten city holders in the form of Captain Morgan. The Central American war thus far has gone extremely well for our opportunistic buccaneer, and perhaps from here it’s only onwards and upwards. Otherwise, not too many surprises here, the Inuit are giving out new settlements to their populace like it’s candy.

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    If you happen to live in any of the civilizations on this end of the chart, you may seriously want to look into taking out a number of different insurance policies, because the odds certainly don’t appear in your favor. Unless you live in England of course, in which case, bide your time folks, our moment will come…

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    Yakutia still remain at the top of one table however, and it proves that the quiet Asian populace are still the ones who provide the most nerds for the sake of enlightenment. Unsurprisingly, Australia find themselves very high up in these rankings, as to my knowledge they are as of yet the only people to reach the renaissance.

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    As usual we find Rome, Byzantium and… No China? It appears that despite heavy losses in almost every other aspects, the Chinese have managed to stay well away from the bottom ten in scientific advancement. Good on them! It’s all those hit musicals they’re rocking out to whilst mucking around with test tubes and the like.

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    Surprise, surprise, the Inuit control the most land space at the moment. Their constant, relatively peaceful expansionism is paying off for them, as they leave second place, Australia, behind by a good six hundred and ten thousand kilometres squared. Question is, will they be able to hold on to all that land?

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    At the bottom of controlled land, I feel like I don’t even have to make a comment here. Git gud guys. There you go.

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    Judaism may still be the majority religion, but it doesn’t have the monopoly on sacred rituals and religious scripture like it once did. With the rise of Catholicism in the new world, Oriental Orthodoxy in Africa and Akkat-u in the far-east, it’s going to find that it has a lot more competition going forwards.

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    And absolutely finally, we have the ever prettier looking religion map. The major creeds appear for the most part to have settled comfortably with one majority per continent. Judaism is set to expand further into Western Europe (including the Nazis. Lololololol), while Oriental Orthodoxy dominates Africa in its entirety. Tibet’s brainchild, Akkat-u, finds itself in a powerful position to the east, although it shouldn’t ignore the rises of Shinto and Buddhism respectively, if they wish to remain on top. Poor Islam, with a holy city sandwiched between two others, it really seems condemned to snuff out in this particular world. Well, that’s it guys! I really hope that everybody had as much fun reading this as I did writing it. Thanks once again to the main man u/Tpangolin for letting me annotate this part – there were a lot of really interesting and cool developments that were a great laugh to write about. Until the next time folks, Cheerio!