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Part 110: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Carnival

March 20, 2018

  1. Intro

    Worldwide Boer Ryk Twelve Million Paratroopers Worldwide Brazil Ryk Welcome to the Civ Battle Royale part 110. I, Poblano, will be your narrator for this week, and if you can’t tell, there will be lots of haikus this part. Our OC for this week is a map of the Boers at their greatest extent. We can see now just how much they’ve lost. Poor, poor Boers.

  2. Melon Map

    Inuit death comes Nuclear hell consumes all War never changes. Last week saw the Inuit make a fatal error: They declared on the Buccs, who had a defensive pact with Brazil(I guess the Buccs forgot that Brazil slaughtered them long ago). This will not end well for them. Nukes slaughtered their units that were stationed at the borders. This is the third Inuit-Brazil war since the reboot. Third time’s the charm, as they say.

  3. 1

    Once Mexican land No longer Mexicans here Only Carnival Coiot’s Note: Lunar will be joining Poblano narrating the odd numbered slides below the haikus. Xcoms are truly winning the war for Brazil here. Brazil also don't have open borders with Blackfoot but do with Kimberley. I see they recognize the true foes here.

  4. 2

    Puebla, Mexico Found “where serpents change their skin” And where XCOMs land Brazil seems to be focusing on taking every single former Mexican city, Puebla being the latest victim. Jeez, a nuclear war being fought over Mexico? Haven’t we seen this before? Quit with the re-runs Blue Cassette.

  5. 3

    Here lies Albany Tombstone of Lincoln himself Reads “Let Freedom Ring” Surprisingly it seems that Inuit have a strong defense here. Brazil is becoming weak and Inuit have ton of planes in the area. It seems that pushing beyond here will be tough. Of note: Cincinnati is now completely blocked off by Buccaneer Bordergore™

  6. 4

    No turtle ships now Nor hwach’a for Sejong No units at all Korea is running out of units quickly. Vietnam seems to be focusing on Korean coastal cities first, a wise strategy. Korea has no way to reinforce these cities. More importantly, Brazil and Vietnam do not have open borders. Brazil’s city in this region is just more ammo for the “Delete Brazil” camp.

  7. 5

    Pax Siberia When Jokuskai slept in peace The sleep is gone now Yakutian capital seems to the only thing flipping. I could see Tommot flipping once as well, but it seems to be flipping for once as they move east. I do however find it difficult for Korea to make long term gains here though.

  8. 6

    The Boer capital But only penguins live here The Boers are dead The Boers have been restricted to the antarctic. These cities do not hold any humans anymore. They have populated by robotic human-penguin hybrids for years. Now the robo-penguins are all that remains of the Boers. Australia declares war to try to get rid of the penguins.

  9. 7

    Huehuehuehuehue Huehuehuehuehuehuehue Huehuehuehuehue It seems the remains of former Texas proper are good health packs for this army as it moves onward. A good amount of Brazil disappeared as a good amount of Inuit form. If Ekeuhnick can hold, they might hold onto the husk of America. Also, Brazil has Giant Death Robots. Yeah. Moving on.

  10. 8

    Cincinnati falls A world renowned city falls Lol jk who cares Inuit have some troops on the coast to defend this region, but the real worry is their interior core is defenseless. They may protect the coast, BUT AT WHAT COST? AT WHAT COST?

  11. 9

    Not-Brazil loses A city to not-Brazil; And more will follow Brazil is still being detrimental to the Vietnamese war efforts and Australia is ensuring the war will be one sided. Australia does as Australia does I suppose.

  12. 10

    Peaceful ocean gulf No nuclear fallout here Ancient citadels The gulf coast is almost unified. All that remains of the ancient maya, Mexicans, and texans is the city names and citadels. It’s a shame.

  13. 11

    Blackfoot Torreon Then Inuit Torreon Brazil Torreon It’s more likely that this front will flip over and over much like the Blackfoot Mexico war of old. War will be determined on the whims of central US. So it’s like the US election. Except with nukes, death and Brazilians.

  14. 12

    No Bucc embargo Free trade for all anarchists Sibir carpeted The Buccaneers aren’t embargoed, which means they are free to export rum and syphilis and import plunder and booty.

  15. 13

    No more OCP No more Boer containment No more Boer ryk “Dear goodness. Oh geez. Oh dang. Oh darn. Oh wow. Guys, I think this game is over”…. Is what I would say if these weren’t primarily hovertank. You keep on being you Pedro.

  16. 14

    Do you remember? Mexico once laid claims here Mexico is dead The Brazilian push finally reaches cities that were originally Blackfoot, a testament to the amount of land the Blackfoot conquered from Mexico before the Inuit brutally slaughtered them.

  17. 15

    Nothing to lose, here Nothing to win, here, either Morgan is alone The Buccaneers are officially surrounded on 3 sides by Brazil. There is no territory for them to conquer. The Buccaneers helped Brazil win this war by ruthlessly slinging nukes because they have nothing else to lose.

  18. 16

    Inuit collapse “Omae wa mou shindeiru” “NANI?” - Inuit Fort Rouille is a massive multiplayer shooter where sixty war trained warriors drop into a map and fight it to the death. Except they are all Brazilian. And just like the game that shall not be named, there is one flagy boi doing absolutely nothing waiting to die. Of actual note Iceland can probably make some gains here… is what I would say if Iceland had a single melee unit period.

  19. 17

    Fifty words for snow yet no words for “a defeat” No need, until now Out of nowhere, a great mass of Brazilian units appears to greet the Inuit defenders. I wonder if this how people felt when the mongols invaded in. A great number of cities fall. The Inuit have never tasted defeat before.

  20. 18

    New York has fallen Was the carnival worth it? Billions have now died I used to think it was unlikely that the front wouldn’t be supplied by Brazil, but I think I know why more units keep on appearing here. Brazil have been using airports to teleport units to the frontline using Inuits well developed territory, turning the roads that Inuit made in their sleep to their advantage to bring units from the core. If Inuit was joined with a power like Sibir, this war might be less decisive, but all units generated by Brazil appear in the front, airdrop to the front and paradrop to the warfront. Unless Sibir attacks now, this is over folks.

  21. 19

    War torn Rach Dia Low health for eternity No peace in our time If you looked at the screenshot of last turn, you probably could see this coming. Rach dia will be at zero health for a long time, but there’s little to no chance Korea takes it back.

  22. 20

    Nothing happens here And yet everything happens I’m very confused As predicted, Tommot and Jokuskai remain in Sibir’s hand. Inuit clogging up this war while losing another. All in all things are proceeding all on schedule.

  23. 21

    End Korean war And Vietnam has no seoul Rach Dia is free Well, way to make me look dumb, Vietnam. Rach dia doesn’t have to worry about war for a while now. Vietnam gets most of the Korean peninsula… except for the south part. Motion to call Korea “South Korea” for the rest of the game.

  24. 22

    one-sided peace deals Vietnam’s main specialty At least ten cities Australia not having open borders with Vietnam is huge here, effectively entirely crippling and immortalizing Seoul up north and forcing his mediocre navy down south. Vietnam, how did you do it? How did you take an entire Buccaneer amount of land in a one-sided trade deal? Teach me your methods.

  25. 23

    Vietnam-Sibir Ten screenshots of a bad war Nothing happens here Nothing here has changed since the last screenshot. For some reason, this makes me feel tired. Maybe it’s the former Yakutian lands?

  26. 24

    Brazil loses troops Now this could have meant something But Inuit dumb This seems to be the holding point for now. Brazil is overstretched on this front and they do not have significant enough air superiority for this to mean more than a few city flips. Inuit also are bringing out their most feared unit. Artillery.

  27. 25

    God died long ago We killed him with carnival Huehuehuehuehue The Inuit quickly try to get their troops to the interior, but in doing so leave their coastal cities unprotected. Look for Montreal and Vancouver to fall soon. Vancouver being on the east coast is triggering me right now.

  28. 26

    Quiet Joinville Now, Population: Zero Brazil killed them all These mountains are likely to be a meat grinder as man versus machine here and the only victor is the bloodthirstiness stat at the end of the part. Let us all celebrate the senseless death. In more positive news. Brazil has almost fully formed the former empire of their once ally Blackfoot.

  29. 27

    Winnipeg is bad Their hockey team isn’t good Zero Playoff Wins Excuse me for the hockey jokes, but Winnipeg is the latest city to fall to the Brazilian horde. Look for more cities to fall as Brazilian troops teleport and paradrop behind the Inuit troops. Nothing personnel, Ekeuhnick. (Lunar Note: No U)

  30. 28

    Nothing happens here It’s the curse of Yakutia Jokuskai is cursed. Sibir front has slowly moved inwards. It seems unlikely that this war will go on longer. But the question is how much border gore will the peace deal accomplish. Finnish supporters wait with bated breaths.

  31. 29

    EGADES! My roast is Ruined! But what if I were To purchase fast food I’m not sure what i’m looking at here. Aurora Boer-ealis? Steamed SAMs? Either way, Carthaginian cities have advanced in technology. Hannibal would be disgusted.

  32. 30

    Inuit fight back But it will be Brazilian Carnival won’t stop Blackfoot abandon Inuit even more so, allowing the famously flipped city of A’Aninin to relive old times once more. I think this is worthy of a celebration. If only there was a globally recognized festival they could participate in?

  33. 31

    Charlotte’s town falls D E L E T E B R A Z I L Either Inuit troops are retreating and letting Brazil push north unimpeded, or Brazil is simply slaughtering them. I’m inclined to believe the first one, in which case: Ekeuhnick, this isn’t Russia. You can’t raze your own cities and hope the harsh winter will kill Brazilian troops. It doesn’t work that way.

  34. 32

    Sibir is next Hide yo children, hide yo wife Carnival’s coming For real tho’ this war would be absolutely beautifully chaotic. A war from the inside out with an equally superior groundforce. If they only had an airforce to back that us, it could be something to fear. Sibir has to war and now. Do it.

  35. 33

    Poland is dead They’ve been dead for awhile They’re dead in sea-bricks Poor Poland. They didn’t have a chance in the BR and they didn’t make it into CBRX. I’m sure the 2 or 3 Poland supporters left have been happy to see their former enemies slaughtered by Brazil though.

  36. 34

    Unpronounceable Can’t fit it in a haiku Zero out of ten. Brazil keeps on hitting about their belts. I would say that this is exceptional, but this is just normal business for Brazil. When they were fighting in wars, Brazil were building units. When they were nuking their neighbours into irrelevance, Brazil built units. When they wasted their days being diplomatic with Blackfoot, they cultivated even more units. And now that the world is on fire and Brazilians are at Inuit gate, you have the audacity to come to Pedro for forgiveness?

  37. 35

    Want to see the world? Then book a carnival cruise Huehuehuehuehue I could see an Inuit pushback in this region, but it would ultimately be a big mistake for the Inuit as Brazil continues to jump behind Inuit lines. Vancouver is at low enough health that if Brazil can get a melee unit nearby it’s gone. Those submarines in the coast aren’t helping the Inuit, either.

  38. 36

    Druzhina now flips But It might flip back next turn Life is meaningless The war is chaotic all around. Remember the Korean denouncement of Australia; yeah that might be the worst decision in the history of everything CBR. There is more Australia fighting units here than there are people who hate Australia. That’s a lot of units.

  39. 37

    You forgot this war That’s okay, I did it too Boers forgot too Remember the first Boer-Sweden war? That was when we really though the Boers were really unstoppable. They won the first OCP, slaughtered Ethiopia, and captured a lot of Sweden cities. Sweden only forced a stalemate through nuking their own former cities.

  40. 38

    Vancouver, Brazil Quaint Atlantic coastal town None of this is real This seems likely to flip, but units here are getting a bit worse off for wear. Paratroopers replace XCOM and no Giant Death Robots are to be found. Does this mean that Brazil are done aggressing. Haha. Haha. Ha. No.

  41. 39

    Druzinha flipped back But it might flip back next turn Life is meaningless Korea continues to defend this region despite being nearly out of units. They flipped Druzhina to keep for part of another turn, but was it worth it? When the city flips back they’ll lose yet another unit and the defense will get even more dire.

  42. 40

    Unreadable town With countless syllables Why do you exist It’s alright haiku. You’ll find some peace in knowing that these cities will never be assaulted ever again. The game is over.

  43. 41

    No revive today Sitting Jesus please come back Cylinder needs you The Sioux Inuit are collapsing rapidly. They lose a lot of former Sioux cities. Perhaps if they flip them back we’ll see a panic revival? Hopefully the Inuit have been studying ancient Kilwa defense strategies.

  44. 42

    Druzhina flips here But It might flip back next turn Life is meaningless In other exciting news Nizhnekolymsy and Tyukansoye and Verkhnevilyuysk have nice names. Your welcome voice narrator sir. It seems likely that Mongolia might make some gains here. Yeah, I said that. What is the Battle Royale?

  45. 43

    Tabriz builds units It will take six turns to build And six turns to die Tabriz is a rare city in this BR: it hasn’t had time to redevelop, so it actually takes more than 2 or 3 turns to build a unit. Too bad this biotrooper is probably doomed to die in a Korean meat grinder.

  46. 44

    Erik Karlsson He can’t save you anymore Ottawa is done See, this joke is funny because Erik Karlsson is a hockey player for the Ottawa Senators and he dragged them to the playoffs last year but this year the Senators are really bad and he got hurt and so he can’t drag them to the playoffs and also he almost got traded this year and I’m sorry for this comparison I’m so sorry. All this to say Ottawa fell to Brazil.

  47. 45

    Druzhina stays gray Another city falls, too It might flip back tho Druzhina is now firmly Siberian. The Korean flip was wasted. The northern city is likely to stay Siberian if Korea can’t sneak a melee unit in.

  48. 46

    Must be lonely here In this desolate icetown Six million penguins Since there’s nothing species to note here: I thought I might as well take note that Cargo Ships have an icon that looks like a sail. I know the unit graphic changes, but I like to imagine them refusing to stop using ships with sails in the Futuristic time of 5351AD. Dear God.

  49. 47

    “It’s over, Kruger!” , says Emperor Pedro II “I have the high ground!” This might be worrying for the Penguins if Brazil actually had a navy or any place to land their troops. At least Boer’s lose their carriers to strikes, which can no doubt help the zombified Boer nation’s limited resources.

  50. 48

    Unpronounceable Why can’t the Blackfoot settle Cities with real names T-This has to be the end right? This has to be the end to oppression. This has to be end of Brazilian dominance. I’ll pull a quote from Hamilton to aid us in the upcoming battles. “Scratch that; this is not a moment, it’s the movement. Where all the hungriest brothers with something to prove went? Foes oppose us, we take an honest stand. We roll like Moses, claimin’ our promised land. If they win their independence. Does that guarantee freedom for their descendants. Or will the blood be shed begin an endless cycle of vengeance and death with no defendants.” Dawkinzz Note: Hey come on now, don’t go disrespecting my Blackfoot! Sure I can be a bit harsh on Sweden, Norway, and Finland, but whatever!

  51. 49

    More Sioux cities Sioux cities fall left and right What is this, part nine? This is a serious throwback to 100 parts back. Does anyone even remember the Sioux? Perhaps we will forget the Inuit in much the same manner as the Sioux.

  52. 50

    All hope is lost now The carnival claims one more LIFE IS PAIN. I HATE- This is painful This is really painful. This might truly be the last defense force for the Great White North. I truly accept our new Brazilian overlord.

  53. 51

    Iceland wants more ice They’ll take it from the Boers Maximum Iceland Boy this was a relevant war declaration like, 4 parts ago. Man, people must really hate the Penguins. Just like real life(Hockey joke please ignore).

  54. 52

    The Boer fleet sails They were prepared for this war Carriers will die Truly the most exciting battle that no doubt millions upon millions of people will tune in next time! Now for the Info Addict!

  55. 53

    THE NUMBERS, MASON! WHERE ARE THE NUMBERS MASON! No Info-Addict Well, this is the end of the part. There is no Info Addict. I thank you for reading all my bad haikus, and I thank LunarNeedle. He did roughly half of the narration other than the haikus, and for that I am greatly thankful. Vote millard fillmore and DELETE BRAZIL~ Poblano/Argyle/One tile island crusader/GIF/limozeen581