Home  ✧   Albums  ✧   Part 6: Tonight, We Dine In Hell

Part 6: Tonight, We Dine In Hell

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    Welcome back to the /r/Civ 60+ Civ Battle Royale Mk. II | Part 6! Today we're having /u/DemosthenesKey do the narrations. Don’t fo…

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    Take a moment to soak in this lovely map made by SylonL (with cities added by LacsiraxAriscal), showing the state of the world as…

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    All of recorded history to this moment, presented with hexaccurate™ precision by/u/cr42yr1ch.

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    Japan holds a perilous position still. While their main island is defensible, and somewhat unlikely to fall to the dragon of China…

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    God, I’d love to live in the islands of Hawaii. It just seems… nice. Look at all those composite bowmen! Now that’s what I call jo…

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    … Here. Hawaii wants that sweet American soil. They’re not alone in this, of course, it’s just that most of the inhabitants want i…

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    Here we see the Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything in their natural habitat - jungling, with plenty of rum to take mid. Bucs OP, pls ne…

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    The pressure builds. Not the Melbourne method, Johnny! That one took hours! And will likely take hours more as Whanganui-a-Tara’s…

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    Speaking of Australian settlers, looks like one cheeky bloke is trying to sneak past the aborigines here. Where he thinks he’s goi…

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    Egypt/Sparta vs Byzantium: Spartzantium Harder relaunches as Egypt’s triemes try some potshots at the Kommenos fleet, and David se…

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    Now that Sparta and Egypt have both declared on poor Alexios, Leo’s forces continue to move in on Ohrid… very… slowly… Something w…

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    Maria and Elizabeth make peace, giving each other fake plastic smiles and telling each other that they’ll be totes besties now, an…

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    She DOES have an army, of course, but it’s mostly situated near Ireland (Scotland? I’ll call it Scotland for now). If England decl…

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    Content with his spoils of the Baltimore Ravens and equally confident that he can stop any riots through good old fashioned Texan…

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    Afghanistan, China, and Portugal hold the top three places in production. If China uses their power well I forsee trouble on the A…

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    Shaka, as usual, holds a bottom-place spot. The Zulus, normally such a terrifying foe, seem to be only a bunch of paper tigers. (W…

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    Meanwhile it’s a battle royale between the Sioux and the Blackfoot! Well, since it’s only confined to one continent it’s not all t…

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    The land war of Leonidas would probably be doing a bit better if he actually brought that Great General to the front lines, but th…

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    Nothing here we haven’t seen before, so I’ll just point out that the Spartans have a settler up there for absolutely no reason. I…

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    And like that the city falls! The Blackfoot have taken a Sioux city, and are growing ever closer to their capital. A strong push f…

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    Old Sarai is in the red now, and will likely fall next turn. The Mongols need to turtle up and use that defensive ground they have…

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    ‘Nam’s in a bit of a bad place right now, as their army seems much too spread out to effectively fight China. Tianjin is sitting a…

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    Oh, Shaka. Poor, tiny Shaka. If land was a metaphor for size of certain body parts, then you would be an ironic deconstruction of…

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    True to predictions from the peanut gallery of yours truly, Trebizond falls to the Spartans and their Bronze-Age power armor! Or m…

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    Heh. Cute little Icelandic settler (everyone wave at the American trieme over there, give Lincoln our condolences and regards). Wh…

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    Maria I, feeling emboldened by managing to stick a city next to Rome, has decided it’s time to put her big girl panties on and go…

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    The Afghans are trying their hardest to carpet properly, confident that with enough arrows to blot out the sun their soldiers will…

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    Aaaaaaand there goes Old Sarai! Will Sibit be content with a city that was so close to his territory they could smell the breeze f…

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    Poor Russia looks a bit hemmed in here. They’d need an army of seamstresses to get out of it! #punoftheday

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    And Nicomedia falls to the Spartan menace, which is much like the Phantom Menace in that they both would have benefited from more…

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    And Mexico, proving once more that living on a prayer is totes better than living in cities you’ve captured, declares peace with T…

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    Battle erupts around Sichangu and Hunkpapa! The Blackfoot armies have taken damage - can they hold on to what they’ve got? It does…

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    They’ve got each other, and that’s a lot for loooooove… THEY’LL GIVE IT A SHOT. *coughs* In a shocking turnaround of events, Byza…

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    Jandamarra completes The Oracle. It tells him he’s the wisest of the Greeks, which is weird seeing as how he’s very Aboriginal. Pe…

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    Surprisingly, Indonesia manages to spread out quite a bit in the open Oceania. Another of their settlers is floating across the se…

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    Lester B. Pearson’s beguiling grin reaches max charge, and he declares on poor Sitting Bull. There’s not much hope for him now, he…

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    Eh? Mexico too? Oh, Benito. Don’t you know that your men seem to have an irrational fear of ACTUALLY CAPTURING CITIES.

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    Nicomedia flips again and Spartan troops land dangerously close to a number of Byzantine cities. The archers and city defense may…

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    Oh, my sweet sweet Buccaneers. You know I love y’all. Their navy is growing fast, and it may be that the Arrr lmao’s launch an att…

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    In other news, Napoleon declares war on Hitler, but this time onscreen. There’s only room for one megalomaniacal dictator with dre…

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    David and the nation of Israel declare war on Hitler, making my job difficult by being so inherently funny that no commentary coul…

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    Adolf… did you ever consider that you could try being better with people? Poland tosses a DOW, though those horsemen and warriors…

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    Norway’s starting to look a little… cramped. And Sweden’s looking a little spread out. Could now be the time for true Nords to fig…

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    Yakutia’s Great Wall will surely keep all invaders out, as if that blanket of an army wouldn’t have done the job. Only partially k…

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    Uh oh. Looks like we may not see the fanfiction-esque triumph of Israel over Berlin after all - Harun Al-Rasid DOW’s on David, and…

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    Saladin joins him. Yeah, don’t think we’ll be seeing any of that lovely blue-and-white border much longer. That’s actually really…

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    Somehow France has already brought Cologne down to red, and their armies have almost reached Munich as well… The history books cit…

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    The armies of Australia - Kimberley and Aussie alike - gather. We may be seeing war here soon. God help those lost to the spiders…

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    Perhaps Shaka is finally tired of being at the bottom of the lists, as he’s readied two more settlers to go find some unclaimed la…

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    War brews in Africa as well. Who shall strike first? Who first shall fall? The gods do not play chess with men, but rather a fiddl…

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    Bethlehem falls to yellow and the defenders of Jericho start to take damage. It’s the end of the world as they know it.

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    Cologne falls to La Grande Armee! Could Munich be next? I know who we’re all rooting for! No, it’s not Hitler. Unless your name r…

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    Is it just me, or are one-tile island cities really cute? I think they’re really cute. Oh, and in other news the newly settled inh…

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    Varna will fall. All will fall before Sparta. Leonidas looks out over his territory and pronounces it good. The wolves will test t…

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    I’m not actually sure if what the Philippines has just done is called forward-settling, or just obstinately proving that AI has so…

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    Tianjin is almost finished protesting the wholesale slaughter of their people, which is nice as it looks like their newfound conqu…

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    Cologne flips back, and may stay that way unless the French army actually reinforces. For once. Hitler makes peace with Elizabeth…

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    American Scout cannot speak any language but American, and so spends most of his time in the North confusedly asking people where…

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    The Sioux nation is currently regretting sending out so many small cities. Nothing they can do about it now, of course, as all wil…

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    Mexico’s armies take damage, but move closer towards Sioux territory regardless. Sisselton seems their best bet, though if they ca…

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    And so it begins. Constantinople, the Other Rome, begins feeling the strikes upon its walls. Those archers will make for a nasty S…

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    Bethlehem falls to Saladin, and in an even more shocking turn of events, he declares upon Leonidas! Olympia won’t last long under…

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    Meanwhile, Tutu declares on Hannibal, and everyone here giggles privately at his name. Everyone else is picturing regiments wearin…

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    Saladin, not content with warring on Israel and Sparta at once, also declares on Carthage. It’s okay, though, all the other civs a…

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    Armenia DOW’s on Leonidas! If I didn’t know better I’d say the other civilizations deliberately ganged up on any civ that looked l…

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    And so we come at long last to rankings! Leading in population is Afghanistan, closely followed by the Kanada Krew. Behind them tr…

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    Shaka hasn’t managed to do much with his settlers yet, and so remains dead last. Poor David isn’t much better off considering the…

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    The Kims may nearly equal Australia in population, but Australia is stronkest of civs with cities, holding 14 currently. Canada ti…

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    Israel is ahead of Germany this time, with the rather inept Fuhrer’s leadership leaving them 3 cities and no more than that. At le…

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    Aussies civs love their literacy, with the twain holding positions 2 and 4 in science. Lester’s leadership ensures Canada the thir…

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    It’s a who’s who of losers down here - Rome, Israel, Germany, the Zulus, Byzantium, and (upsettingly) my homeboys the Irish. As th…

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    Australia is number one in land area, with the Inuit taking second and the soon-to-be-dead Sioux holding a somewhat uncomfortable…

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    We can be sure that no matter what happens to the Chosen People, their religion will live on - Judaism still has a massive lead ov…

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    We end by checking out the world religion map, and I end by consoling myself with the pretty blue color. I’ve always love you, Lig…