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Part 96: Stalin's Own™

Narrated by Bronnakus

  1. Intro

    Hello everyone and welcome to Part 96 of everyone’s favorite bloodbath, the Civ Battle Royale! This is u/Bronnakus, a supporter of…

  2. Melon Map

    As always we start with our fantastic maps. Here is Melon’s map, which never ceases to amaze me with its detail.

  3. Tile Accurate

    And here is the Tile Accurate map. Good lord, look at that bordergore in the Old Vietnam Empire.

  4. PR Slide

    Here we’ve got the good ol’ Power Ranking slide. Boers, unsurprisingly, remain at number one.

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    And we kick things off with a nice view of North America, showcasing the incredibly-carpeted Blackfoot surrounded by the chilly bl…

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    “You can’t let Parkes one-up you like that! You need your own Pacific Garbage Patch!” says Big Carrier’s Korean sales rep to Sejon…

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    The Boers continue to struggle to make it past the Indus River. They have a slight advantage at the moment, with more melee units…

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    The Sibir assault is starting to crack through Swedish lines. Gothenburg, Moscow, and Antioch are all looking ready to fall in the…

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    Fueled with Stalin’s OwnTM Liquid Courage, brave Swedes storm Stalingrad and Jyvaskya, retaking them for the Blue and Yellow. Not…

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    The Icelanders retake Constantinople, seriously shrinking southern Sweden. Every city is in the black, however, so a Swedish snipe…

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    Faltering on four fronts, the Swedes lose Hamburg to the Icelanders. It’s not looking good for everyone’s favorite opportunists, b…

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    With an amphibious assault, Sweden is now back in control of both Jyvaskylas. Unfortunate for them, the Sibir are likely to flip b…

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    The hungover Swedes get forced back out of Stalingrad. It seems the Swedes have the slight upper hand in numbers at the moment, bu…

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    Kekkonen plots Armenian death and destruction from his palace in Tyumen, the capital of Exclavia. It’s pretty well-carpeted, but I…

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    Panduranga, once the capital of the mighty Cham, has been reduced to 2 population. It’s in Australian hands for now, and it seems…

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    A huge Sibir push in the south blasts a hole in the Swedish defense. Getting squeezed by the twin gray blobs on both sides may jus…

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    A quick peep into Yerevan shows the Armenians are cranking out paratroopers. Could there be a long-range snipe plan in the works?…

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    Tyumen, on the other hand, produces a recycling center. Hey, when you can’t hold land to save your life, making resources out of t…

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    Ambon falls back to Vietnam, but they aren’t likely to hold it for long. Then again, neither will Australia hold Panduranga much l…

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    Lashkar Gar falls to the Boerg. Both sides seem to have brought a good chunk of reinforcements, so we’ll get a bloodier, more exci…

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    The Swedes march south towards Iceland to try to maintain their Balkan holdings, but each wave is looking thinner and slower than…

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    Ever a lover of collecting capitals, Ingolfur marches through the streets of Berlin. The Swedes have a good deal of land left, but…

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    Panduranga is back in Vietnamese hands. This front is looking pretty rough for the Aussies, in no small part because of the thorn-…

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    A small Vietnamese naval force is sent to terrorize the Western Aussie coast, and the Strayans don’t seem to have more than a sing…

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    Rangoon, home of the best way to serve crab meat(don’t fight me on this, it’s true), seems to have been nuked itself. It’s in both…

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    Moscow appears to have flipped a couple times, down to 3 pop. The Swedes have done a hell of a job defending Kharkov, and have eve…

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    Though Lodz and Malmo are under heavy threat, it seems the Swedes are grinding Iceland to a halt, slowly but surely. Iceland is ce…

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    The Swedish flag is back over Constantinople, and a push on Ohrid seems to be next on the agenda. It’s really a see-saw in the Eur…

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    The Brazilian overflow washes up on the shores of Inuit Central America. One has to wonder if these units are just really late for…

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    In a tremendous effort, the Aussies take Vijaya and Panduranga. When Saigon and Dong Hoi fall, it’s going to be a two-pronged atta…

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    Lashkar Gar is back in the hands of the Vietnamese. Of course, like all victories on this front, it is likely to be short-lived.

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    VietNukes are aboard a carrier and heading for the Boers. If they make it to the core, they could do some real damage here. On the…

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    Gothenburg is traded for Antioch, but holy hell the Sibir took Minsk! Things are looking worse for Gustavus, even if he’s likely t…

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    Kharkov and Stalingrad flip again as things grow more dire for the Swedes. There’s hardly a single front that I’d consider them wi…

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    Constantinople goes gray again as the Swedes reclaim Ohrid. Constantinople will likely flip back yellow soon, but this pancake war…

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    Malmo falls to the Icelanders as Sweden looks increasingly likely to lose damn near everything aside from Scandinavia.

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    One of the Gray forces lob a nuke all the way up to Linkoping, a city that one would think would be safe from this war. No rest fo…

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    Big Carrier continues their death grip on Iceland’s navy. The Great Atlantic Garbage Patch is really shaping up to be greater and…

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    The Brazilian overflow reaches all the way north. I think the scarier thing for the Inuit is the lack of their own carpet, though.…

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    The Brazilian Antarctic colonies are looking pretty nice right about now. Well-defended, out of the way, peaceful, and prosperous.…

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    If Parkes ever loses everything but one area, he’s going to be keeping his Antarctic holdings. These things are natural fortresses…

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    Recruit I’mNotEvenGonnaTry uncovered a plot from the Mongols to take down the SnoreYaks once and for all. All I’m going to say, Ge…

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    Saigon appears to have flipped back and forth a time or two, but that seems to be the only Aussie progress since we last visited t…

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    The Boers push the Boerder past the Indus and take Lashkar Gar and Kandahar. Vietnam really can’t do well on two fronts at once. T…

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    The Swedes continue to get railroaded by the Sibir, but things are looking up. In the bottom of the screen, you can see they’ve ma…

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    Holy hell look at that bordergore. Iceland gets to keep the prized Constantinople, as well as most of the Balkans, but at least th…

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    The Swedes lost a good chunk of land here. Malmo, Berlin, Hamburg, and a ton of damage to their heartland cities. Coiot's Note: Th…

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    I can’t tell if this was a stupid peace deal offering or an actual invasion, but giving Iceland a beachhead for next war on the Sc…

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    Let’s take a trip to Jokuskai. Producing nothing right now with its 356 hammers, but gold and science are flowing like water. Kore…

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    On the Mongol side, we have Sanchu. Starving, also producing nothing with its 43 hammers, and doesn’t even have half the building…

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    Everyone’s favorite one-tile island Kaneohe is up next. Producing mobile SAMs, perhaps preparing for the day someone comes back to…

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    Not wanting to let the Trungs be the only ones in space, Ingolfur orders a space station to be built in Waterford. To the left(and…

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    Off in the peaceful lands of the professional peacekeepers, Djarindjin is producing a stock exchange. Compared to the cities we’ve…

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    The pendulum swings back towards the Aussies and they take Ambon, Panduranga, and Thi Li Bi Nai. With every flip of Panduranga, it…

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    Never one to lose on both fronts at once, Vietnam scrounges up a hell of an army and sends them west to reconquer the Indus River…

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    Sweden is getting pushed back heavily on this front. Hopes of holding both Jyvaskylas are fading fast. Moscow is loosely gray, but…

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    Even more Brazilian overflow, this time in Iceland. Brazil, do some good with these units. Attack the Boers while they’re busy wit…

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    In the ever-more-green-and-not-just-because-the-radiation Sahara, we see a pretty sparse showing of Boer units that aren’t turn-ti…

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    In the more peaceful (but still getting bombed) part of the Australian Isles, we see fewer units than one would expect. Are the Au…

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    Korea looks pretty well-carpeted at first, but it’s really just their navy. The Mongols probably have the most land units in the s…

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    Kandahar goes back to green, Lashkar Gar is next, the see-saw teeters back to Vietnam.

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    Kuopio falls, Linkoping and Jyvaskyla are under heavy threat, and Sweden is getting backed up heavily. The poor ethnic Finns in th…

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    The Isles are looking pretty sparse these days. It’s pretty clear Ingolfur threw everything he had at the Swedes. Brazil and Aussi…

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    Antioch flips back to the Swedes, but their victory is going to be short-lived. A massive Sibir reinforcement is on the way. The S…

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    The Boers continue the stalemate at the Indus. With a steady trickle of units coming from both sides, neither will have the upper…

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    Dong Hoi is pretty solidly Aussie. The Vietnamese keep throwing everything they’ve got at defending Saigon, since holding it means…

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    A lone Australian cybersub stares down the huge Vietnamese armada descending upon the Old Kimberley Coast. Windjana has been nuked…

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    Over in Eastern Australia one can see a bunch of naval units sitting around doing absolutely nothing to protect the about-to-be-ha…

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    The Korean-Inuit border is looking pretty thin on both sides. Ekeuhnick would do well to carpet Kamchatka and hit the Koreans with…

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    As the Lone Star Battleship drifts along in the Pacific ocean, Sam Houston looks up from his bottle of Southern Comfort. His advis…

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    Gorky is looking awfully hungry these days. They produce quite a bit of gold, but citizens can’t eat shiny metal(except maybe the…

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    Eidsvoll, a highly productive Swedish city, produces yet another worthless cybersub. You are losing ground, Gustavus. Make a melee…

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    Looking at Ciudad Juarez now, we see the Blackfoot are producing power armor infantry. Lord knows that somewhere in the world need…

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    Not content with this reality, the Boerg construct another simulation server. They render a spherical Earth, one where two hundred…