Part 23: "On My Command, You Shall Become Irrelevant!" – MK2

Hello ladies and gentlemen, redditors and… redditors, to the /r/civbattleroyale! This is the sport where we watch 61 AIs brutalize and murder each other just for fun! I am your narrator /u/Wigmaster999. First off, I’d like to thank TPang for letting me narrate this part, it’s a huge honor. I’ve been writing various OCs on the subreddit, but this is what I’ve aspired for since the Mk. I. Remember to check out /r/civbattleroyale for all things Battle Royale, such as fictional stories, polandball comics, random flags and artwork, and lots of maps.

Speaking of maps, here’s the glorious Annals of the World created by /u/SylonL, with all of the cities [and mildly joking and offensive region labels] added on by /u/LacsiraxAriscal. Devastatingly Unrelated Sidenote: If this part is getting published on November First, the day after Halloween… and if Halloween is really All Hallow’s Eve… does that mean that the day this is published is Hallow? Yep, it does.

Without further ado, let us begin. The Australian Wobbegong Armada strikes again, taking Tokyo down to 0 health and damaging every other Japanese city. Korea’s intruding turtle ships are perhaps the only things saving Meiji [Japan] from the full force of Australia. There doesn‘t seem to be much of a way to turn things around for the Japanese at all.

The First Relevant War of Yakutia heats up as the Inuit send more forces to defend their Kamchatkan holdings. While the Inuit have the upper hand in terms of navy, the Yakuts are on home ground and are sending streams of melee units to engage. It’s a shame that the mountain ranges are almost entirely blocking off a land invasion, or perhaps we’d see a valuable city like Igloolik besieged on all sides. Side note here: Are those Buccaneer Triremes? Perhaps they’re searching for the lucrative Russian Vodka to add to their alcohol stores.

Here, we see the glory of the English Empire: 3 cities, two of which are damaged [the third isn’t even on the Isles]. Ireland recaptured Canterbury at the very end of last part, and Malachy looks poised to use his navy to stomp Nottingham as well. It won’t be long before London is the last holdout of Elizabeth on the British [Irish] Isles. In other news, Maria [Portugal] and Haakon [Norway] appear to have sent a portion of their navies to fight Nazi Germany. Norway gets there first, and captured Cologne. Perhaps Hamburg is next?

China makes another push with quite outdated units. Vietnam continues to defend and not attack Beijing [which sits pretty at 17 population], and so is basically giving up free cities. However, knowing Vietnam, I know that when China FINALLY makes peace, they’ll probably give up Shanghai for free. Chile and Ireland both admit that they really don’t like Korea, but Sejong just nods and carries on studying. The entire nation has been enslaved by the brutal leader and forced to spend 12 hours per day reading books to increase their nation’s science.

Peaceful, sleepy Chile. The Inca would have been a better target than Korea, considering that Pachacuti’s [Inca] navy is composed of mostly triremes. This opportunity may disappear quickly, however, since we now see the first evidence of Galleasses. Perhaps Argentina, with exposed Buenos Aires, could be attacked? Neither of these events will happen considering Higgins’ AI so far. On this slide we can also see what is likely the third wave of the Hawaiian diaspora. With absolutely no room on their home island, poor Hawaiians are forced to sail away on Banana Boats and serve Pina Coladas to South Americans.

Portugal continues to welcome guests to their territory. England and Morocco both have generous holdings on the Iberian peninsula and at least England would be a good target. The Buccaneers have now reinforced their transatlantic colony of Portobello, adding a crossbowman and two caravels to its garrison. Ingolfur [Iceland] is sending his navy… somewhere. He isn’t at war with a single person, but perhaps he’s plotting against someone? Orleans [France] is also damaged and it may be captured by Norway or even Portugal.

The Timurids appear to be running out of units. Fighting a brutal war of attrition against Persia, Afghanistan, and the Huns, I don’t think that they’ll be lasting much longer. Ghazni may be retaken, but Persia is likely to take it back due to the open deserts around it. The Huns push from the north and the Afghans push from the south, and Timur is slowly, slowly losing ground. Also on this slide: Armenia has entered the Industrial Era! This might give them an upper hand against their enemies, and a gatling gun could come in handy fighting the Spartans. Meanwhile, that’s quite a Finnish army up there…

Here, we can see the full expanse of the Blackfoot Empire. Crowfoot’s in an unfortunate position, now that the Sioux aren’t a buffer between himself and the great powers of Texas and Canada. Crowfoot can hold out pretty much forever in California, but all of his other holdings are at risk. In the meantime he has managed to make peace with the Sioux, which should help him. Right. The Inuit cities are absolutely massive, most of them larger than the Blackfoot’s largest cities. However, Ekeuhnick’s lands are mostly devoid of military units since they’re all in Kamchatka, leaving most of them ripe for the taking. Will any of the other great civilizations attack when they’re weak? Probably not. AIs will be AIs, after all.

The Kamchatkan standoff remains pretty much identical since the last time we saw it. However, Tygyn no longer has to worry about Vietnam, since he has successfully made peace with the Trung Sisters. Instead, he only has to worry about the literally infinite streams of units pouring out of Alaska, and the fact that his units are dying in the thousands to Inuit archer fire. The Ayyubids are now on neutral terms with the Maori, but far more relevant is that Sparta and Armenia have finally stopped killing their armies by throwing them at each other on Asia Minor. No doubt that Leonidas [Sparta] has his eyes on other conquests, and Tiridates [Armenia] is probably busy building factories.

Here we can see the delicate balance of power in Madagascar and South Africa. The Boers have a massive, if outdated, navy that could easily take the Zulus at any time. The Zulu cities of Nongoma and Ondini are practically free, and I’m sure that Ulundi, the Zulu capital, would be just as easy to take. Africa itself is at peace, at least on this turn. Everything is calm and quiet, and yet each superpower broods and grows.

Ashanti Pikeman’s Log, Day 793: “I have encountered yet more Boer riflemen. I’ve been walking across this country for days, and yet Kruger’s holdings don’t seem to end. Today, I heard about a European scout in the north by the name of Dr. Livingstone who is hanging around the Kongo. Apparently, he’s going south, and maybe I’ll meet him. Otherwise, yet another day of helplessly fleeing the evil Ashanti killers. Maybe I should join the workers without borders program?”

Poland loses another city to the Finns. Casimir’s [Poland] armies are now running on nothing but fumes, and all he has left is a few pikemen to face Urho’s [Finland] far more advanced musketmen, lancers, and cannons. However, there may be hope for Casimir: Wroclaw may be retaken by that… spearman. SPEARMAN? HOW DO YOU STILL HAVE A GUY HOLDING A TWIG FIGHTING AGAINST CANNONS! At this point I think Poland deserves to die. Next stop, Warsaw! Toot Toot! In other news, Sejong [Korea] and the Buccaneers are going head to head. Considering Henry Morgan’s AI so far, he’ll manage to do nothing at all and then make peace in exchange for all of Korea’s cities.

Now that the Buccaneers are at peace with the Maya, the dastardly pirates turn to building some rum distilleries and chopping some trees. I think this is the least exciting slide I’ve ever seen that involved Henry Morgan. The Hawaiians have made permanent camp around Palenque, making it utterly invincible to any outside attacks. The kind of strings Pacal must have pulled to make this happen must have been insane. However, Pacal’s not gonna be safe for long as Sam Houston finally sends out his navy and army to capture Tikal.

The Trung Sisters decide that freedom and equality are both overrated, and go for Autocracy. This should give them the boost they [didn’t really] need to fight Burma, China, or Tibet, and move on to control all of East Asia. Now, I shall pose a simple question: Why has Mao been able to push off practically infinite waves of far more advanced forces? Why has he constantly lived on, even though he lost most of his empire long ago? Nope, it’s not because his attributes are insane or his AI is super-smart. It is simply because the Trung Sisters constantly decide that the best way to attack is to embark all of their units. Side Note: In the very corner of the screen one can see that the Mughals have actually sent units across all of Afghanistan to attack Vietnam. Yet another problem that Vietnam doesn’t know how to deal with.

Here we can see the sheer willpower of Akbar [Mughals] to become relevant. He has sent his units trekking across mountain ranges and Afghan territory in order to weakly fall against the walls of Vietnamese cities. While we can’t actually see most of the action in this picture, I’m sure that’s what is happening. Timur [Timurids, do I really need to specify this?] has actually managed to push a troop of three crossbowmen onto Afghan territory. I personally doubt that they’ll make any difference, but who knows? The Persian city of Ghazni continues to hold out against the final Timurid swarm, and once this final wave is dealt with Darius’ armies will be able to roam free. Meanwhile, Tibet is finally getting in on the action and has besieged Urgench. With little chance of reinforcements, Tibet may be able to push all the way down to Samarqand and beyond. Timur’s days are numbered, I’m sure.

London looks ready to bite the dust. The insanely powerful longbowmen could only hold out for so long against Ireland’s army, and now, finally, the capital will fall. Nottingham is damaged as well, and without bombardment support from London it will probably be captured without trouble. The British Isles should practically be renamed the Irish Isles now. Also on this slide: Malachy hates sleepy Yakutia, who couldn’t care less. It’s yet another irrelevant war that Tygyn will endure, and forget about, for centuries. Iceland’s navy has overflowed its borders, and now looks quite imposing sitting there.. until you realize that that navy has been sitting there for literally millennia.

I hate Yakutia! You hate Yakutia! Everyone hates Yakutia! Yaaay! Mexico, Canada, and the Maya all join the hate parade, and Tygyn Darkhan is getting slightly annoyed by the constant shouting of heralds telling news of war. He just wants a nap, after all. The North American superpowers are all looking around for new targets. Texas has Pacal [Maya] to snack on, but Canada and Mexico are looking hungry as well. We all sit waiting for the next North American gangbang.

Pedro’s university workers, after intently staring at a jungle tree for 3 years, have obtained just enough science to magically invent Industrialization [or something similar]. With this tech boost, they may finally be able to take Machu and the rest of Pacathui’s Incan territory. Alternatively, Argentina would also be a good target for attack. Random Tangent: Why on earth does an AI need that many workers? They could cut down the entire Amazon rainforest in a few decades.

Agents Em and Semiramis move on to their next targets, Sydney and Kabul [respectively]. They’ve had a successful run so far, stealing information from Yahweh’s favorite, the dictator of Russia, a sleepy yak herder of Yakutia, and more. What adventures shall they have next?

Wow. Our perky Babylonian agents have been busy. A quick summary of all of this intelligence: Henry Morgan and King David both are plotting against everyone. I’m surprised that they aren’t plotting against themselves! TIL: The background screen for the Espionage Overview changes with era.

The Ayyubids are slowly getting squashed. Saladin has only now entered the Renaissance, putting him solidly in the bottom third for technology, and at rock bottom for strategic position. I’d even venture to say that China is doing better than they are right now. The unstoppable waves of slightly-more-advanced Carthaginian elephants have had their toll on Hannibal. He, also, does not have a longswordsman. But he does have elephants. What could go wrong with more elephants? Bilbais is ready to fall and Alexandria is next. How much longer can Saladin survive against battle elephants?

The first city capture in the Kamchatkan standoff is that the Yakutians take Sendai. Wait, didn’t Sendai originally belong to Yakutia? Or the Inuit? The life of a narrator is confusing. Anyways, Yakutian frigates continue bombarding Ekheunik’s northern cities. The exact same thing is happening to any of Tygyn Darkhan’s ships that slip through. Barely any progress is made, but it is important to keep in mind that this war could tip the balance of power in not just the region but the world.

Canada Watch, Day 12583: “Still no galleases. Wonder what the Canadians are thinking about?” Seriously, though. Iceland could practically walk into Rouille with no resistance from anything other than triremes. GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER, ICELAND! As a firm Iceland supporter, this is the kind of things that drives me crazy. The entire Canadian navy could be defeated by a fraction of the forces stationed around Greenland. Texas continues to be not messed with [to Sam Houston’s dismay], and Mayan units have managed to make it all the way up to Washington. What they’re doing there? Only a Firaxis AI developer could say.

Timur, seeing that he should wrap up some loose ends, decides that his best course of action is to make peace with Stalin [Russia] and Meiji [Japan]. A better choice for peace at the moment would be Darius of Persia, considering that the Timurid horde has finally taken Ghazni. However, Ghazni itself is likely to be retaken at any time by a single Persian pikeman. The Timurid army is now on the retreat, and the majority of units are damaged. They’ve formed a circle of protection around Herat, but let’s see how long that will last. On this slide we can also see more Mughal units creep across Afghanistan, and see that Tibet has decided to retreat with most of their forces. Why? Because Tibet does whatever the hell it wants.

Here we see an extremely HD picture of the Finnish making peace with Atilla of the Huns. It has been a long and tiresome war for both sides, but it’s quite obvious who came out better off: Finland. Atilla is down to the last dregs of his Horse Archers, which are ever so slowly becoming out of date. Helpfully highlighted on this slide by our Lord and Savior TPangolin is the new Finnish unique unit that I won’t even try to pronounce: the Jaakari [+umlauts and lots of other fancy indications that I can’t type]. The Jaakari is cheaper and weaker than the rifleman, but gains experience just by standing in territory belonging to a friend. This could come in handy with the Finnish war against the Huns!.. wait a minute.

A full zoomout of the dwindling Hunnic war. Now that he’s at peace with Finland, Atilla can turn his full attention, and his army, toward Siberia. Sadly, Atilla’s full attention consists of a gaggle of damaged swordsmen, a couple of trebuchets and knights, and half a dozen horse archers. Sadly for Atilla, Sibir has its full attention focused on the Huns. And Siberian attention is a bit more formidable: dozens upon dozens of UUs, musketmen, gatling guns, pikemen, and a bunch of other things just perfect for destroying Hunnic cities. Oh boy! Bakihon looks likely to fall, and Atilla’s Court is starting to lose its buffer of units.

Meiji watches the Armada of the Wobbegong, And knows that his stay on this earth won’t be for long, He hurriedly packs his few things, and flees his own home, Meiji knows, after all, that he’ll end up like Rome. Just as he leaves, the Australian army now lands, And Tokyo’s last inhabitants each take their final stands, But they do not prevail, and Tokyo does fall, And with them falls Meiji,the smartest of AI them all. The Japanese still have holdings, but how long will they last? None can withstand a frigates cannonball blast There’s no hope at all for Japan, and that’s a sad thing indeed It’s pure torture, for me, to watch Meiji’s empire bleed

Back to Back Poem Eulogies Hype! Queen Elizabeth of England sat idly by, As Malachy colonized all of the lands nearby, She ignored the Portuguese as they tried to take Hastings, And gave York to the French, not wanting to waste things, Queen Elizabeth sat upon her throne as the Irish invaded, She read a book, while the Icelandic then raided, She took a calm nap as Canterbury fell, And ignored her own final funeral bell, She sent out a few longbowmen to combat Malachy’s army, And watched as they died, as if it wasn’t alarming, Finally, when the Irish came knocking on her door, And informed the queen that they had come for her, She simply cried out, “This took you forever!” Then proceeded to remark on the bad weather, She was carted away, while all wondered what she talked about, Remember this: England may be down, but they are also out.

The insanely crowded empire of the Buccaneers. Each one tile island is bursting to the brim with pirates, and it’s only a matter of time before they attack someone else. Who it may be is anyone’s guess, but we do have information from our helpful spies that Henry Morgan is in fact plotting against the Maya. And everyone else.

Poznan was retaken a while ago, but I’m surprised it hasn’t been recaptured by the Finns. If only that knight could just swoop in and take back the city. Warsaw itself is contending with a musketman, which is already quite a challenge for the technologically impoverished civilization. They’re also dealing with the Nazis, who have sent a little invasion party to attempt to take Lodz. Also, there are a few relevant things on the sidebar: Mexico has entered the Industrial, joining the growing ranks of coal-puffing [probably autocratic] civs. Canada and the Blackfoot are now buddying up, and perhaps Crowfoot is ready to start the next NA gangbang?

*Yawn* Yet another slide of the Kamchatkan standoff. Wotjulum is ready to fall, and Ikaluktutiak continues to remain at the exact same health. Otherwise, no changes at all to this war. However, it’s important to remember that since Japan is quite quickly crumbling, Australia might be able to free up some of its armada to go help the Inuit. They’re already at war with Yakutia, and Henry Parkes can probably snipe off a city or two.

A single embarked longbowman is the only English unit in the English Channel. Nottingham, while not visible, is pretty much certain to get captured, and then the British Isles will be united under one flag: Ireland. However, in the Mk. I England under Churchill already controlled the entire British Isles from the start, along with lots of Greenland and Iceland, and yet Churchill was still one of the weaker civilizations. Ireland won’t be much better off with just the isles. Side Note: Wouldn’t it be funny if the Nazis recaptured Cologne, and then all those Naus took it?

Sri Lanka in all of its glory. It’s got quite a navy of irrelevant triremes building up, but quantity has a quality of its own. With this many naval units, Sri Lanka could probably overwhelm Persia or Burma easily. Colombo is massive considering it shares 7 tiles with another city. The delicious deity AI bonuses are probably helping quite a bit here, as with all honesty a city that a player controlled with that much population, controlling only 3 or 4 tiles, would be absolutely starved.

Korea: The land where studying wins wars. I personally would love to see Korea become more aggressive and attack Mongolia [which is still upgrading to crossbowmen] or China [which is still learning which end of a bow to use], but Korea’s doing well enough being pacifist. They’ve even made peace with the Timurids, for god‘s sake! Korea has a huge amount of science for its relatively low city count, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Korea is the first civilization with great war bombers.

Moscow is slowly getting surrounded by Finland. Now that Poznan has been recaptured, Wroclaw is controlled, and San Bartolo is solidly protected, the USSR is blocked off on three sides. Once Warsaw is captured, the only place the Russians can flee to is… Byzantium. Thus, the situation that Stalin is in. Outside of Minsk is an impressive amount of Citadels, but these will give no help in defending Moscow itself. Instead, they’ll just slow down an invading… Byzantine force. Right. Definitely going to happen. Speaking of the Byzantines, they’re still running on horsemen and composite bowmen.

Greenland has become more of a naval base than anything else. Since most cities are pretty much capped out on population [if only Iceland has the same UB as the Inuit!] the only thing they can do is provide a constant stream of caravels and galleasses. Once Ingolfur gets his hands on some frigates, I think we’ll be looking at a second Wobbegong Armada. Canada Watch Day 13240: Still no galleasses.

Chile is setting up another Antarctic Colony. These one-tile islands are surprisingly valuable, since they can usually provide a lot of population and science, if not production. In other news, Argentina is creating a few more fishing boats to provide for the hungry populace back home.

The Zulus have made no visible progress since last part. Ulundi has blossomed into the crown-jewel of free cities, but sadly Paul Kruger [Boers] has run out of Ficksburgs to give. Both navies are looking sadly outdated, but it’s obvious which of the two civilizations has more units. Meanwhile, a second Afghan settler joins the first in slowly circling the horn of Africa. Drama is building in North America! Alliances are being formed: Canada, Texas, and the Blackfoot are all best buddies now, and Mexico is seeking friendship with a group of pirates. Perhaps this shall be the next clash of powers?

Those Mongol cities look awfully vulnerable, squashed between endless fields of Yakutian gatling guns and the might of the Siberian army. If a joint war is declared, I doubt that Kazan is staying Mongolian for long. ScoutCon 830 BC is currently running, but sadly only Israel and Siberia are participating, due to complaints of “Not enough room!” and “No open borders!”

The grand and luxurious Sioux capital of Kiyaksa. At a massive 4 population, I’m certain the Sitting Bull shall positively leap back into the running. With his new peace treaty with Mexico, he’s just biding his time, waiting for the perfect moment to capture every single capital instantaneously. At least we know the reason that Sitting Bull hasn’t been eliminated: those mountains are protecting them from the Canadians [who they’re still fighting] and as far as I know Pearson doesn’t have open borders with the Inuit. Canada Watch Day 13651: Have spotted a damaged trireme. Still no galleasses.

Kabul has a surprisingly low population for such a strong civilization. 12 population is half that of most cities in Hawaii, and probably doesn’t bode well for Afghanistan. What does bode well is that they have their new Unique Unit, the Zamburak. The Zamburak has FIVE movement points, and can move after attacking, which should help Afghanistan out a lot in their fight with the Timurids.

Urgench isn’t looking very good at all. With Tibetan cannons and Musketmen closing in, the city is probably enjoying its final moments under the Timurids. I hear that the Tibetans treat their conquered cities nicely [unlike the Huns], usually immediately giving them away to Mongolia and Vietnam.

What’s worse than a drunk pirate wielding a pistol? A drunk pirate wielding a gatling gun. Henry Morgan enters the Industrial Era, giving them yet another boost over their neighbors. However, I’ve thought of something worse than a drunk pirate wielding a gatling gun: a drunk autocratic pirate wielding a gatling gun, riding an ironclad. Once this happens, there will be literally no navy that can beat them in the Western Hemisphere.

*yawn* The Inuit recapture Sendai. Kaluktuiak and Wotjullum are both in the yellow and likely to be captured. Otherwise, no change in the Kamchatkan standoff. Besides the *yawn* dramatic events of this slide, a lone Japanese frigate finds itself trapped on the wrong side of Hiroshima. It has nowhere to go, and so rests idly, happy in knowing that it’s out of a nuclear bomb’s blast range.

Tokyo under Australia is slowly getting battered back down by a lone Japanese lancer. While unlikely to recapture the city, it can at least try to annoy Henry Parkes. Meanwhile, Wakayama is in the yellow and is likely to fall next turn. From there the Wobbegong Armada will likely swing around to Kyoto and Osaka, and the Japanese will be kicked off of their home turf.

Remember what I said a dozen slides ago? About it being funny if Portugal conquered Cologne? Well, it happened. The Portuguese naus rolled in, and took Cologne as yet another disconnected colony of Portugal that they’ll give away in a peace deal or lose to the Norwegians. In the meantime, Sweden and Norway continue their push towards Hamburg. A Swedish knight and the Norwegian navy put together could likely capture the sparsely defended city. Side Note: The Irish Isles are complete! Queen Elizabeth is now relegated to the Iberian Peninsula.

The one thing that Casimir [Poland] didn’t need was to be at war with both Sparta and Sweden. Casimir can’t have anything though, and so in exchange for recapturing Poznan he gets to enjoy fighting two more regional powers. Lodz is already besieged, Poznan not far behind, and with both likely to fall Poland will be down to two cities. Now we come to Hitler’s Germany, which isn’t doing much better than their neighbor. With their territory nearly devoid of military units, that invasion force in Denmark could probably wipe them out.

The Indonesian fleet is now almost entirely caravels. However, this caravel fleet might soon become no fleet at all, with the news from Em that Henry Parkes [Australia] is plotting against Indonesia! If this war were to occur, it is almost certain who the victor would be. We can also see the Champan navy quite well, which, while slightly more secure than Indonesia, is still quite weak. The victor in a Champa vs. Indonesia war will probably somehow be Australia.

This is why I have a strong suspicion that spies give absolutely random pieces of information: Afghanistan is not just plotting against Burma, but is also building an art gallery! How will this drama end, you ask? With absolutely nothing changing at all! I don’t trust this Agent Semiramis-what is all of this useless information?

This is why I have a strong suspicion that spies give absolutely random pieces of information: Afghanistan is plotting not just against Burma, but is also constructing Uffuzi! How will this drama end, you ask? With absolutely nothing changing at all! I don’t trust this Agent Semiramis-what is all of this useless information?

Any time Sparta… or Russia… or Finland… or Armenia… or even the Polish attack the Byzantines, they’re doomed. Sitting on two cities and a bunch of outdated units is the surest way to get oneself killed. Also, that mass of Russian citadels is growing by the day! Nicaea itself is right up against the USSR’s border.

A nice view of Gran Colombiarrrr with its pretty rum distilleries. Because of the mountain ranges in the north, the Buccaneers need barely any land units at all to protect their cities. Instead, Henry Morgan has used this production to increase the amount of pirates he can put onto ships. It also strikes me at this time that Brazil is one of the only civilizations left that still has a good amount of forest or jungle left to chop down. By the end of the BR, the entire world will be an utterly deforested landscape [and also will likely just be a nuclear wasteland].

Benito Juarez could do well by jumping in and taking Uxmal. The Texan troops have to march through a one-tile wide gap, fighting outdated pikeman all the way, but the Mexican border is only a few hexes away from Uxmal. With only Hawaiian units to protect the city, Uxmal would quickly fall. From here, we can also clearly see the Texan capital of Austin, which was captured multiple times and practically burned to the ground during the last Mexican/Texan war. And yet… 16 population! That’s more than in Ciudad Juarez, fer gods’ sake!

A lone Australian scout watches a group of Texans have a cookout and drink booze. North America has been largely at peace this part, so I’m just waiting quietly for the other shoe to drop and for all hell to break lose. In the meantime, let’s talk about how valuable the Mississippi is. Being one of the longest rivers on the map, the Mississippi is currently supplying Texas with 4 15+ population cities, and rising. It’s truly a powerhouse for agriculture.

The new English capital of Hastings. Positioned on the coast of the sunny Iberian Peninsula, it is sure to welcome Irish tourists for years to come. Reasonably defended by longbowmen and a few flimsy ships, Hasting would probably last at most a week against the full might of the [competent] Portuguese navy.

The Inca are finally, finally, entering the Renaissance. While Brazil to their east continues to wonder about flight and railroads and fertilizer, Pacachuti’s people have figured out how to make ships that can float in deep ocean. This huge tech deficit is going to very quickly start to hurt the Inca, as the Brazilians with gatling guns may finally be able to gain ground in the 2-millennia long Colono War. Side Note: Korea sends the Trung Sisters the following message: “Why don’t you study instead of fight?” The Trung take this as an insult and prepare for war.

Finland’s strategy of surrounding Russia continues, especially because Krasnodar, Gorky, Sverdlovsk, Alma-ata, and Stalingrad have all been cut off. A quick citadel could solve the problem, but that might only worsen the USSR’s relations with their benevolent overlords. The Blackfoot declare war on Finland just for kicks, but I’m sure that Urho will remember the insult and return 3 thousand years later to destroy the Blackfoot.

Another beautiful HD shot, this time of the new Swedish Unique Unit [please take a full 5 minutes to admire that absolutely stunning model]. The Regal Ship grants +20% combat strength in coast tiles and also heals nearby land units, making it the perfect asset in the Swedish takeover of Nazi Germany.

A shot of just a portion of the Wobbegong Armada. Most of it appears to be heading up north to Wakayama, which has somehow failed to fall. Kyoto has begun to be damaged, and will likely end up like Tokyo in the end. The Hawaiians have remarkably exposed one-tile island cities which could be ripe for the taking. In fact, the whole of Hawaii territory probably takes up the same amount of space as the Wobbegong Armada.

Joining in with the Blackfoot, Texas also decides that Finland must be stopped. Sending a total of 0 units to go and fight, it’s sure to be yet another relevant war. Meanwhile, a few more Mayan units have fled into Union territory, finding shelter and solace in the warm and probably doomed cities.

Africa is starting to fall pretty far behind the tech curve. With Carthage, the Ayyubids, Mali, the Zulus and Morocco all having very recently discovered telescopes and the like, it seems that their cities will only serve as fodder for Ethiopia and the Boers. Sadly, all of Africa would be better off this way.

Burma enters the Industrial Era! This is a civilization that does not even have crossbows yet, and is an extremely close neighbor of Vietnam. On this slide we can also view the city of Senggezangbo, which is under siege by angry Muggles and Mughals. The city will likely fall on the next turn.

We end this part with news of a new war between superpowers: Australia is plotting against Vietnam! This is a fight I would love to see: two massive empires clashing against each other. Considering the placement of all of those Australian troops, it doesn’t seem unlikely that this particular piece of intelligence might occur. If it does, I for one will be watching. Side Note: The cursor on this slide is perfectly placed to exactly cover up the damage of Wakayama. Will it be captured soon? We shall never know.

Stat Time! The population gap between the Australians and the Maori is just 200,000 people, practically negligible in the scheme of things. We have the standard frontrunners here, with a few notables including the USSR and Finland.

On the reverse end of the scale, things do not look good. The Sioux are stranded in a 4 population city, and the Maya aren’t much better off. The Ayyubids are also visible in #46, which is not good for Saladin.

Sejong has enslaved his entire population and forced them to study as hard as possible. This continues Korea’s one tech lead over the other frontrunners, including even Australia. That UA must really be coming in handy.

Down at the bottom we see 3 African civs [4 if we include the Ashanti], along with the usual suspects with 2 or 3 cities. England isn’t on here, yet. The difference between the leader in technology and the least advanced living civ [not including dead ones and Babylon] is a whopping 15 technologies.

In military manpower, we see the usual suspects. Just visible at the bottom is Korea, whose tech lead is obviously coming in handy. The Buccaneers and Iceland, both nearly entirely naval civilizations, also have good standings. There is more than 100,000 military manpower points between Australia in #1 and Korea in #13.

Might as well press ‘F’ to pay respects now. One living civilization, the Sioux, is below the Babylonian sub, and most aren’t much better off. The difference between Australia and the Sioux in military manpower is nearly 460,000.

Here’s one we don’t see very often: Faith gain! Israel is all the way at the top, but at this stage in the game faith isn’t relevant for anything but spamming prophets [at least for the AIs].

In Social Standing, Finland sits at #1, with 26 social policies. Surprising civs on this list are Burma, the SIOUX, Argentina, and the Timurids.

For city count we’ve got Australia and the Inuit with a dozen city lead over the rest. Because the Inuit cities can survive on literally snow and rocks, and the Australians can dine on giant spiders, they can support their massive populations.

Civilizations with fewer than 5 cities can be automatically put out of this game. Including Burma, the civilization that surprised me on this list.

Catholicism is slowly gaining in followers compared to Judaism, simply because they have a monopoly on the Americas. However, once Buddhism takes hold in Australia, we may get a third dominant religion.

Hawaii, Greenland, Iceland, Scandinavia, South America, and Australia all remain mostly unconverted. Most of these places are treasure troves of population and followers to whoever converts them. That’s all for this part! Remember to check out /r/civbattleroyale for all things BR, and to check out /r/civAIgames for a whole lot of other AI games. I have been your narrator, /u/Wigmaster999, and I thank you for at least reading the first sentence of my commentary.