Part 27: Swallow Thy Neighbour – MK2

Welcome to the 27th installment of the /r/civ Battle Royale AKA “World Cup of Civ modding”!! I‘m your emergency rescue host, the bombastic /u/NeiraiTheForgiven! In true Canadian fashion I‘d like to start out by saying sorry: Sorry for the hasty narration -- I‘m doing this on lunch break at work and so I only have 2 minutes per slide. Sorry for being biased -- I made a good number of these civs and, for me, this is all about who can make the best, most bloodthirsty civs. Sorry for the inevitable rants that will take up all the slides. To tell TPang to never, ever let me do this again, join us on /r/civbatteroyale!

Once again, a fantastic map lovingly crafted by /u/SylonL and /u/LacsiraxAriscal. Some lovely additions this time around including the advent of water borders, puppeted territories and power rankings!

Today‘s battle royale begins with Babylonian drones hovering over the Maori capital. It‘s a lovely picturesque morning, but if I was the Maori I‘d be quite scared by the dense water-bound carpet of death covering Australia‘s waters. If Parkes the Warmonger decides to turn it on the Maori...

...As you can see, all these one-tile island cities just look like ripe kiwi fruit waiting to be picked by the Grand Wobbegong Armada. Again, this slide shows more and more and more Wobbegongs. It‘s insane how many Privateers Australia has at her disposal.

This slide shows my favorite children, the Inuit Ice Walkers, locked in battle against the Sleep Walkers of Yakutia. Actually, it shows them looking over the mountains at each other. Not much appears to be happening here.

All knees should quiver at the sight of an Australian scout in the middle of Asia. After all, where a scout comes, Wobbegong water carpets follow. Also, this slide shows the Himalayan Cavalry, a Knight replacement that moves quickly on hills and can suck culture straight out of mountain ranges. Likely by posting snapshots on Instagram.

Here we see what‘s left of the Kongo, or 'New Draka' as we call it. This slide also shows and incredible amount of pillars of smoke., as the Boer Commandoes pillage what‘s left of Northern Africa in their zeal to remove all non-Colonialist Legacies civs from Africa. Okay, I‘ll stop.

Finally, red numbers fly out of units. Here we see the Ayubbids attempting to rush Great Prophets into Carthage as a sort of 'convert or die' tactic. The question is: do those prophets spread Islam or Judaiism?

Just like my lunch break, the Poles and the Germans are running out of time. The Swedes and the Spartans are picking up the remains of these once-great empires. Empires? Maybe that‘s a bit too generous.

Almost nothing to see here. The three naval empires who have done the least in last while. We do get a peak at an Icelandic Skald, which is a naval scout/settler. It‘s not armed, but is a threat to any unsettled land in the world. With any luck, we may see a few new Viking expansions.

Here the Babylonian periscopes reveal what everyone knew already: Portugal‘s western naval defense force has been reduced to a few motley vessels and, unless the eastern navy comes to her aid, Portugal will soon find herself without any port towns. Including her capital. Oh, who are we kidding? If the eastern navy descends, it will soon find out what happens when you sail against the Corsair fleets.

I‘m not looking ahead, so I don‘t know if Atilla falls today. I DO know that Beaumont will soon be flying Siberian colors. So, grey and gray. Also, Finland has finally ended the war of North American aggression. Without fighting.

The only thing to point out here as we see M‘Banza-Kongo switch hands again is that the Kongo tactic of bombarding the crap out of her former cities is reducing the population of the African west coast into oblivion. At this point, it‘s only a matter of time until the cities are reduced to nothing beneath the boot of Kruger.

Finland in all her glory. Notice the fairly powerful navy in the Baltic Sea, left.

A little bit to the west, we gaze in awe at Sweden, the civ I personally nominate for 'Biggest Surprise Badasses' of the CivBR Mk II. Illuminated by the Great Arrow In The Sky, we see their UU: A lancer replacement that synergizes with Great Generals. Like, you know, the ones all around it.

In a desperate attempt to save himself, Atilla has made peace with the wrong enemy. Stalin was a threat, for sure, but his forces aren‘t camping on Atilla‘s doorstep. Also, Beaumont is currently arrayed in two shades of gray.

Japan -- or what‘s left of it. Meiji Japan trades Bushido (no damage reduction from injured troops) for Imperial Reverence (Extra XP, Culture, and Gold during Golden Ages,) and I can‘t say that they‘ve benefitted much from it. Especially being on the receiving end of both Henry Parkes (Australia) and now Darkhan (Yakutia). Israel is watching, as always.

Darkhan (Yakutia), shocked by the events of the past week, decides to Stand With Paris (for now), declaring a peace treaty. In other news, the Inca have declare war on Chile. What are they thinking? And yes, that is a huge, powerful navy. Strangely, Australia‘s land forces seem sparse in comparison. Will the Kimberley take the chance and strike? One can only hope.

Pachacuti (The Inca) floats his navy of old toy boats towards Bernard O‘Higgins (Chile) This war will be sadly choked, as only one tile will allow land troops through. Advantage: O‘Higgins -- the one tile passes through his citadels and into his Generals.

Surprisingly, Leiria (Portugal) seems to be doing better than when we last saw her, which makes no sense. I claim that Portugal has been saved byt the barricade of neutral Icelandic, Morrocan, and Snorwegian ships, making it hard for the pirates to line up a good shot.

The dying breaths of the two red-and-black nations of Europe. Poetically covered in streams of yellow troops from the North and South, the 'capitals' of Germany and Poland are like two bodies in a hexagonical Yin-Yang. If you squint. On the far right of this slide, we can see the Armenian UU, the Mamikonian General. It increases the siege damage of nearby Mounted units and causes them to gain additional gold when they attack a city that follows a non-Jewish religion. What‘s more crazy is that the Mamikonian isn‘t a Great General replacement -- it‘s a Prophet. Clearly, it takes after Samson and Ehud, not some preacher with a beard.

Texas. Mighty Texas. Mighty, savage Texas. Texas is surrounded by nations with better technology than Texas, who just entered the Industrial Era. Even Lincoln has better guns than Texas. Sam Houston had better work fast on getting smarter if he doesn‘t want to be humiliated by the two traditionally worst fighters in all of North America.

This slide shows my favorite children, Canada, my home and native land. True patriot love flows from my heart as I blithely ignore the fact that they have also just entered the Industrial Era. Like Texas, while Canada is mighty indeed, they‘ve got to get their act together if they don‘t want to be showed up by Iceland or the United States, or even worse, my favorite children, the Inuit.

Hey, it‘s the Zulu! They‘re really only relevant right now because they show that Nzinga Mbande (Kongo) has regained not one, but three cities. Soon to be two cities! Is it possible that the Boers are losing their grasp on the west coast? Oh yeah, the Zulu. That‘s an impressive number of Impi, the greatest UU in the game. Too bad that the Age of the Impi is coming to an end.. soon, they‘ll be crushed beneath tank tracks.

It‘s hard to tell from this slide, but the Yakutian Sleep Walker forces at the bottom of the slide have slowly, inexorably pushed through Japan‘s meager defenses to the north of Hiroshima. In another place, the Ice Walkers have slowly, inexorably pushed through Yakutia‘s more significantly powerful defenses around Suntar. And Lester B. Pearson, who undoubtedly actually started this war, has declared peace.

This slide shows my favorite child, Afghanistan. They‘re beginning the first few turns of war with Persia. It‘s anyone‘s guess who is going to win this one -- both armies seem sparse and outdated, and Darius (Persia) is probably the only civ that borders Afghanistan that has a fee path to their cities. Except the Muggles, and we both know they won‘t be doing anything about it.

Finally, at long last, we get a shot of the Muggles! Their UU, the Farsakh Cannon, looks amazing and packs a huge punch! It does have a weakness, however: it can only move when it‘s at full health. Which means that it is the perfect weapon to represent a turtle empire like the Mughals.

Poor Hannibal. Alexandria is just out of reach of his navy and his land forces don‘t seem to be able to push past the Ayyubid forces -- despite being apparently more technologically advanced. Which isn‘t saying much

Here we see a lot of Finnish Jaakari, cheap mass-produced riflemen who gain XP quickly when in friendly territory. But who cares! Vietnam DOWed Burma -- let‘s go watch!

The Trung Sisters just declared war on the Burmese. Vietnam has more cities, more troops, and obviously more technologies. On the flip side, Vietnam has no defenses around Senggezangbo, and the Burmese are looking to take that city easily.

A Portugese Man-o-war in a toy boat watches in rapt attention as Kruger (the Boers) prepares to conquer the entire Kongo Koast. Nzinga Mbande (Kongo) no longer has any cities that aren‘t in the middle of falling to Kruger‘s Kommandoes. Also, having recently been converted to Judaiism, Saladin (The Ayyubids) has begun spamming Africa with scouts.

This slide settles it: Kamehameha (Hawaii) isn‘t in this game to fight wars. He‘s in the game to troll the other leaders by spamming his neutral units into all their wars, gumming up the works and keeping the peace. And he‘s doing a better job of it than Pachacuti (Inca) or Bernie (Chile) is doing of fighting a war. Of note: the Chilean navy is quickly resorting to their past-life backdoor methods, moving around the Incan toy boat fleet. We‘ll see how this works out.

I‘d like to pause on this slide to dedicate this CivBR part to my wife‘s grandfather, David Enns, who passed away this evening after a lengthy illness. May your memory live on, enshrined within our hearts. Be at peace.

Now to finish the job. France and Ireland declare was on what‘s left of the English Commonwealth. They shouldn‘t have much trouble pushing Elizabeth over the brink into dark waters.

Hawaii, island paradise of Kamehameha (Saiyans), who spends his days surfing, drinking, and trolling South American battlefields. His navy is decent, but won‘t stand a chance agaisnt Australia‘s Grand Wobbegong Armada. Hawaii is just ripe for the picking.

On this slide we see Gajah Madah (Indonesia), fat, lazy, incompetent coward. Today he pretends to be strong by declaring war on Burma, knowing full well that the Champa stand between himself and any danger. A shame, too, since his navy looks like it could actually do something if Gajah Madah wasn‘t too afraid to actually do something.

Darius, glorious lord of Persia, is beset on both sides by attackers. Luckily for him, he does not seem to be threatened much by Armenia. More worrisome is the carpet of trebuchets and the occasional Death Camel(tm) moving towards Susa and Tarsus from Afghanistan.

Vurocconium, the last bastion of Attila the Hun. He roars in defiance from atop The Attila‘s Court (his personal pimped-out trebuchet) while keeping a get-away caravan running - just in case. Ladies and Gentlemen, prime your F keys. There‘s no way that a trebuchet, no matter how many modifications you make, will survive the hail of gunfire coming from the rifles and gatling guns of Kuchum Khan (Sibir).

Well, we knew that Korea was ahead technologically, but we had no idea how far ahead. Sejong shows off his newest brainwave, a ship that sails beneath the waves. (I‘m assuming this is a joke. Or that Sejong managed to bribe some passing Babylonians with a year‘s supply of Kimchi. When you live on a sub eating rations, Kimchi will buy anything.)

The Dead Red cities refuse to finish passing on to the next life. It‘s actually somewhat impressive. Get your bets in now: who will go first, Adolf Hitler, Casimir III of Poland, or Attila the Hun?

Leiria‘s reprieve seems to be coming to an end. Surrounded by the Buccaneer warships, it‘s only a matter of time before the city falls and Lisbon becomes the only logical target for Henry Morgan‘s first European port of call. Canada‘s Caravels watch in aghast fascination. You‘d best be taking notes, eh?

Hitler wins (loses?) the race to annihilation. Or does he? This slide shows the Fuhrer running for the hills with his donkeys and wives in tow. Perhaps he will reappear later, with a secret island lair or masquerading as Gran Columbia.

This slide shows my favorite children, the Kimberley aboriginals. Like Australia, the Kimberley have placed all of their forces on the seas and have very few land troops. It‘s like the two are fast friends who trust each other to the bitter end. Lame.

Once again, the Boers have conquered most of the Kongo Koast. Assaulting all of what‘s left of the Kongolese cities, Kruger has forced the Kongo Koast Guard to split its forces against five points of interest. This drawn-out war has left the Boer-Ethopian border open, guarded only by Workers. Haile Selassie could gain much from a quick strike.

So confident is Henry Morgan (Buccaneers) of a European land operation that he has sent land forces -- pikes and muskets -- across the Atlantic. Joining him on stage right, Chilean Caravels! Also note: It‘s very hard to tell Chileans from Pirates. I think there‘s three Chilean units on this slide, but I could be wrong. In fact, these could all be Chileans, except for the Corsairs.

In his final dying throes, Atilla promises Kuchum Khan that in exchange for his life, he‘ll point the finger at the Meiji. Surprisingly, Sibir spares Atilla. For now. Which brings up the question -- what will Kuchum Khan do with his massive army? Those men and horses are paid and fed with the blood of formerly great leaders. I‘m looking at you, Genghis.

Yakutia and the Inuit. The two enemies seem to have fought more or less to a standstill within the frozen mountains of Kamchatka. But Darkhan (Yakutia) has dispatched a new wave of soldiers towards Igloolik where a few lone Inuk watch from behind their Inuksuit. (That‘s a singular Inuit and more than one Inuksuk, for the record.)

Chile, in all her glory. Bernard O‘Higgins seems to be building up some new forces, spurred on by his wars with Portugal and the Inca. But while he may be a strong force in South America, he‘s got nothing on the rest of the world. He better hope that Henry Morgan keeps his taste for Pisco Sour long enough to allow O‘Higgins to rise to the global level.

Continuing my previous obsession, Leiria is still not dead, and the Buccaneers warships seem to be thinning, surprisingly enough. Of particular personal interest to me, Hastings isn‘t dead yet, either.

Australia, in all her greatness. Maybe it‘s my (hopeful) imagination, but Australia seems to be starting to amass land troops and generals on its western borders. Perhaps something is up. We can only hope.

This is a rather sparsely populated shot of Vietnam, but what forces are here are relatively high in technology compared to Sri Lanka and the Mongols. On the flip side, they‘re low in power compared to South Korea.

Ireland, in all -- I need a better intro line. Malachy II has wrested control of all of what should now be called Great Ireland from the British. But, his army is so dated that it‘s almost Ancient. All he needs is one of the other nations, Iceland or Snoreway, for instance, to realize that new lands are only a quick conquest away.

The Grand Wobbegong Armada is on the move. Wherever it‘s headed, death is sure to follow. The Meiji had better sue for piece before there‘s nothing left of Japan but the pieces.

Once again, the Yo-Yo coast has been painted with a slightly greenish shade of yellow. Stay tuned for next slide, when they‘ll be orange again!

We get a bird‘s eye view of the Second Bottleneck War. The most interesting thing about this slide is the denouncement on the upper right corner. Kuchum Khan may have found a new source of blood to feed his Sibir armies: Tibet

Leiria does not fall to the Buccaneers. Henry Morgan sued for peace when he saw an Impi on the shores of Portugal. Any wise leader would. O‘Higgins, however, is still at war with Portugal, at least for now.

This slide shows my favorite children, Canada. The true north strong and free. And if they want to stay that way, they need to step up their technology or production game before Canada falls into irrelevance. Of note: The Blackfoot have gatling guns. Canada does not.

The Afghan-Persian war (the Great Rug War) is probably good for both nations, giving them the chance to weed out their old units and replace them with more powerful units, such as gatling guns and Death Camels.

Speak of the devil, and he will come: the Death Camel, or Zamburak. The Zamburak is a ridiculously fast version of the gatling gun, capable of moving 5 hexes in a single turn. Which means that a Zamburak built in any of these Afghan cities can be on the frontline almost immediately.

The balance of power has shifted oh so slightly towards Yakutia, but Ekeuhnick (The Inuit) has finally mobilized his navy. If it gets around to the other side of Kamchatka, Darkhan may have something to worry about, finally. Of Note: the only sea path to the Bay of Kamchatka goes through Japanese waters. The Inuit will need peace or war to get there.

Ladies and Gentlemen, prime your F keys. After hearing about Atilla the Hun, the Sioux try to hold off the White Walkers with only a tricked-out trebuchet. Two problems: the Inuit have Cannons, and the Sioux don‘t have a getaway camel.

A panoramic view of the Icelandic navy. There‘s enough Caravels and Frigates here to do some real damage if Ingolfur Arnorson could figure out who to unleash them on.

In this slide, we see my favorite children, the Blackfoot. The Buffalo Boys (Bison Boys?) have embraced Autocracy, declaring their intention to rise to the top. In their favor, Texas and Canada are behind the curve in technology. Unfortunately for them, Mexico and the Inuit are fielding more advanced armies. When Ekeuhnick finishes off the Sioux, he may choose to turn on the other Plains Indians in the Battle Royale Mark II.

Autocracy has the rule of the day, with only one Order civ (Afghanistan) and one Freedom civ (the United States) shown here. Unsurprisingly, Lincoln‘s people think he made the wrong decision. They don‘t want to be the only hated people in a world congress full of dictators.

The Soviet Union has adopted Order, joining the Afghans in common solidarity. Pet Theory: the reason that Ayyubid prophet is still wandering among all of the Asian cities is because that prophet spreads Judaiism, not Islam. He‘s looking for a city that doesn‘t already follow the One True God YHWH.

Stats time! Also known as 'The Part of the Show where we all try to look around the box with the stats in it and try find out if the Sioux are dead.' The Maori, Australians and Boers are winning this one, but of special interest is Texas and Canada. Population is the stepping stone to science, so Houston and Pearson may finally be getting their acts together.

Poland, the Huns, and the Sioux. Three nations on the brink of annihilation. Notice that Germany is not on this list. That Settler must have perished.* Surprisingly, Tibet, which hasn‘t lost a city in a long time, is on this list. *Or is paying TPang in mulled wine to hide the fact that he‘s founding a secret base in Gran Columbia.

Land Area: Australia still has a million square kilometers on the Inuit. But the most impressive stat on this list is Sibir: Four and a quarter million square kilometers of almost pure conquest in the hotly contested mid-Asian region.

It‘s amazing how small Poland has begun, when it has even less land area than the Sioux. If you peak around the stat block, you might be able to see why Burma has even less land area than ever before. Just saying

As technologically superior as Korea is, the Boers are right up there with them. Keep your eyes peeled for a Boer Submarine. Just peaking onto this slide: Vietnam. The Trung Sisters are working their way up to the top again. Also of note: Brazil.

Several of these civs are dead or dying, but the most important thing to take away is that most of Africa is on this list, whereas the Boers are on the other Technology list.

Australia, the Inuit, the Boer and Sibir are far ahead of the rest of the civs. Surprisingly, the Soviet Union is on this list. Perhaps in time they will rise against their more tired, war-torn neighbors.

England, Poland, The Huns, and The Sioux all make up the 1 city club. Nzinga Mbande of Kongo made 3 cities by the end of the part.

This part‘s suprise stat is Great Works! We see that Iceland, with their special Great Writers are in the lead with 8 Great Works. The Kimberley, Arabians, and surprisingly, the Boers all bring up the second place. Sadly, there‘s no slide for the philistine iconoclasts at the bottom. Apologies to any Philistine fans out there.

Judaism is still #1, though by just a hair. Pope Juarez has basically tied things up, spiritually.

The world map according to faith. Athiest South America is slowly seeing the light of the Catholic Church, brought down by Buccaneer pirates and their bread-and-rum communion rituals. And with that, Part 27 comes to a close. Thank you all for putting up with my delays and for all your support, both for the Civ Battle Royale MkII and for all of us mod developers.