Part 43: Remember the Alamaotearoa

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Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, and welcome to part 43 of the Civilization Battle Royale, presented by the benevolent god /u/TPangolin. I’m your host; New Englander, “Science!” Guy and fellow redditor and civ junkie, /u/ParsnipPizza. Remember to check out all the awesome OC, stats and shitposts dedicated to this AI game over at /r/civbattleroyale. Let’s dive feet first into the action! Titlecard image by /u/yknow_that_guy

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But not before checking out this detailed map by confirmed cool people /u/SylonL and /u/LacsiraxAriscal. Most notable is the growth of Korea in North Vietnam and the metaphorical, literal and geographical knife the Inuit are twisting into Texas. And man, is it some knife. Finally, F for Sylon, as this is his final map.

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For some visual representation on what Civilizations are close to extinction, check out this map made by our very own /u/AlbinosRideDinos! These of course are based off of the Power Rankings by our panel of experts. Speaking of...

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The highest rated civ right now are the Inuit. It’s close, but I’d certainly say they are unmatched in their sphere of influence. Full rankings are here: http://imgur.com/a/JK7ii/layout/horizontal#0 ONTO BLOOD!!

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And we return to one of the most decisive wars since Boers/Kongo. Texas has again lost Houston, and will spend most of this part flipping Gonzales, Austin, and Dallas. Sam Houston hasn’t lost this many people since the Alamo. That or the Mexican massacre of Austin all those years ago. Either way, rip Texas, you were a power. And then you got annihilated by the White Walkers (Inuit). But the mysterious notifications on top take us to…

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...The Balkans where Leonidas (Sparta) and his 300+ gym buddies retake Cunae. Envious of this display, Stalin (Soviet Union) declares the 12,482th irrelevant war of the week. I don’t like Sparta’s chances vs Gustavus (Sweden). They have low city defense and the tech jump by Sweden is too far a gap to ignore. We’ll see how this plays out later.

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I truly have no idea what’s happening here. I think Burma lost a capture to ‘Nam or the Champa but honestly, this area has been a hot mess since the Modern Oceanic Wars started. Note the capital of the Kimberly government-in-exile, guarded by some very nice destroyers. TPang also indicates the Part 1 champ Mughals have ended a slightly relevant war vs the Champa. And so it goes, as one might say.

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More relevant: Korea! As a devoted fan to the nation of science, I am pumped Sejong (Korea) took advantage of The Trung’s (Vietnam) distraction with Burma and ‘Stralia. The extra cities are going to be a boon for the highest non-uber-power tech lead. Also note the appearance of the Korean Air Force in Seoul and Hue. Meanwhile, /u/Lunatic49’s girlfriend Mao (China) watches, surrounded by Mongolian bodyguards.

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The Flying Lions stationed at Tegea are certainly formidable. Several Bombers and Triplanes have been supporting Swedish GWI in their successful push against the Oiled Menace. Meanwhile, Boer Paratroopers land deep in Swedish territory in order to visit the Central European tour-du-force: Slap Dead Hitler.

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A close look at the Inuit interior and man, that’s like 10 Industrial Complexes (improvements available with the Future Worlds mod). There are a number of Improvements availble with this mod - including Generators, Communications Arrays, Nature Reserves and Hydroponic Domes to name a few!

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A look at the unofficial Boer lands informally known as “Ethiopia”, “Carthage”, and “Ayyubids.” Even then, the F buttons are getting primed as Hannibal (Carthage) starts grinding Saladin (Ayyyyubids) into the floor. Ethiopian is marching on Cairo, however, and they may keep it should they not go all Ai on this war. Note the desperate Party Prophet in Italy, spreading the last of Islam (perhaps not even that, anymore.) Farewell, Party Pope.

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Another look at the Swedish interior, with the Mouse of God noting the visiting paratroopers. Some have now made it to Berlin, former home of Germany and have indeed slapped dead Hitler. This vacation is really a cover to start an amazing war against all the powers in the world, simultaneously. Anytime now. C’mon, you can do it Kruger! Think of all the OC propaganda!

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Welcome to reunited Australia, Bruces! Yellow and Green now flies undisputed over the continent. If anyone still thinks they were a product of a weak region, even after this war, you may need to step outside for a minute. Or two. Or five. I know I would consider it after calculating the Shark to Turtle ratio in a hypothetical Korea v Aussie Rd 3. Meanwhile the Maori continue to not try to fight Australia.

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A Maori carrier at duty, an unseen division of the Academic Armada, and Inuit naval forces all occupy this image. Total nations: 9. BoatExpo 441 is going pretty well.

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And now we know why Korea’s momentum has slowed. Those planes are going to be bitches for non AA forces. If Sejong (Korea) wants to keep going, he’ll need to focus on Tianjin. Otherwise, the Trung’s (Vietnam) lack any non-naval melees to retake possible losses. Vigan is an exception, as those destroyers are going to flip that city into the Dvin Zone.

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Inuit forces continue the onslaught in the Gulf of Mexico, beaten back only by the Lone Star Navy. Austin is down to half health, with a Mexican Artillery piece cock-blocking some of the White Walkers. The Texan people are nearly broken, lacking any black, elected, executive leader to blame or army to even partially resist. At least they have their Rangers.

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A look at the previously thought to be fake South America. Brazil and Chile are waging a brutal struggle in and around the Andes. Much of Brazil’s spoils are takeable with one GWI, such as that one near La Plata. Meanwhile, the Buccaneers fortify Vitcos, once again isolating The Inca from the coast.

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And now, Land Pirates, dressed as GI s. Morgan (Bucs) has done an outstanding job for an AI, now in control of Florida, The Caribbean and much of North-South America. Here, Vilcabamba and Sao Luis become Pirate territory, with Manaus about to join them. Meanwhile, an Irish scout, hearing news of his country‘s destruction, begins sailing home to fight Iceland.

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Sri Lanka and Harun (Arabia) duel over Batticaloa. Observers include the underrated Afghanistan, orphaned Hun workers and the decomposing empire of Darius the First (Persia) Forget each other, why don’t Sri Lanka and Arabia go tear through Persia? I mean, Knights? Pikemen?? Even Mao has those! Regardless, a middle-eastern quagmire could see an invading force in the form of Sri-Lanka if they play their cards right.

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Portugarrr is looking mighty strong. Kudos to the Bucs for creating the first stronghold in another continent. The area is strongly lacking in land units however. Either way, that navy is a huge threat to pretty much anyone else in the region, as are the fumes from all that rum drinking. Morocco could surrender in a week before any ships show up.

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Now visible are the Inuits gains in the war with Canada (Charlottetown and Saint John) . As one can see, Canada is lucky in having been spared the destruction now raining on Texas. Currently, the Canadiens are fighting Crowfoot and the Blackfoot. Hopefully they’ll run into a couple of Bruins while there. The superior Inuit forces look on with giggles.

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As another shot of South American cities in the red, I’ll throw this out: which leader is most likely to fight along with their men? I’m thinking Henry Morgan would be totally comfortable razing the Incan coastline with his fellow pirates. The Trungs, Genghis Khan (Mongolia) Leonidas (Sparta) and Kuchum Khan (Sibir) all come to mind as well. Dead last: Maria, who’s 4F for mental conditions.

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The north of SA, where Manaus, as expected is being fortified by the Rum Runners. Really nothing new here. Brazil definitely one of the largest worker populations, rivaling the Boers.

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More Texas flipping, as Gonzales flips back to the Texas Rangers. Unfortunately, the Inuit are shipping their version of David Freese to the front lines as the Information era units start overwhelming Austin. Dallas stays in the White Walkers hands. It’s not happening, Texas, just accept your doom. And I apologize to all the actual Rangers fans I triggered.

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On another front, the Inuit show off another toy, Modern Armor, making them Civ #2 to accomplish this. As a Korea fan, the Yakutian Navy is concerning but not unbeatable. Meanwhile, an Irish privateer resolves to join the scout in Érin, as soon as it gets by the scary ice people and yak herders. But we are soon motivated to move to...

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...Africa, as Ethiopia decides to finish off the Party People and Saladin, along with irrelevant battle buddy Canada. Cairo immediately flips to Christmas colors and Baalbek is next. We may have a kill today, so activate your F buttons. Haile Selassie (Ethiopia) also has a chance to make major gains against Hannibal (Carthage). This is the Ethiopia that could have snuffed out the Boers BSP (Before Super Power). What could have been huh?

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Back to North Vietnam or rather, West Korea. Tianjin is finally getting touched but probably not going to fall any day soon. My advice to Dear Professor Sejong: grab Vigan and pull out! The momentum is kaput and though the Trungs lack any mean to capture cities, their productions could risk the loss of all new gains (Busan is probably safe). That or start nuking. We are also informed of another totally, hypothetically possible but unrealistic war (Inuit v Sweden)

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Please don’t hurt me Kruger, I’m just a humble narrator. Go after Mali, they called you a nerd. The carpet has definitely happened for the Boers. Only the Inuit could really beat them in a war and even then, not for long. Who’s next to grovel at Kruger’s boots?

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West Boer-firca gets its first appearance today, with land locally known as “Mali” and “Morocco.” Both are vulnerable, both are weak and border a major power. Someone please euthanize them? Carthage?

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Greater Finland appears along with its pet civ, the Soviet Union. Urho “Dubya” Kekkonen (Finland), too, has carpeted to an extent. They could beat anyone they border minus Sibir. But instead, he’ll keep sending hilarious paratroopers to the Middle East. Texan Accent: We must spread Autocracy to the rest of the world. Either way, top 5, those Finns.

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To Burma, where Mandalay valiantly flips to ‘Nam once more! Trungs take 50 years to bring melee unit to front. Rinse, repeat. I’m going to go watch some episodes of Band of Brothers to get re-excited for WW2 era war.

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The Middle East returns and so do I. Man that show is epic. Anyway, Afghanistan joins the Sub Club, while Sri Lanka and Arabia continue to skirmish. The Hun workers get to be entertained while still on a boat in the middle of the Persian Gulf. We can’t all live in comfy nuclear submarines.

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As foreshadowed, Austin falls, with all three Gulf cities in Inuit hands for however briefly. Albany starts getting threatened as does New York.

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One of the musical Sherman brothers joins the pirate life. He’s inspired to write a song about his life for a novelty park in Florida. It will be called “Henry Morgan World.” The most popular attraction will be “Watch Millions of Texans die!” and “Plunder International Trade!” Everyone is super drunk, so no one really is offended.

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Austin flips back, World Congress results come out and Bernardo (Chile) and Pedro (Brazil) peace TF out. Both will continue to fight off the drunk tourists from Morgan-World that are plundering their cities.

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BRAZIL! Pedro, that was the one city you had to keep and you blew it! 5/7, they tried. The Pirates continue to attack. Pedro also makes peace with the clearer threat, Sparta.

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The Boers are now embargoed, voted unanimously by everyone. Maybe this will get them on the warpath. Also, be ready to press F for Ayyubids. Ethiopia is in range to capture Zabid. RIP.

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Korea celebrates the passing of Science Funding by capturing Vigan and continues to keep hitting Tianjin. They won’t hold Vigan but Sejong is certainly setting himself as a top 10-minor power. HAIL SCIENCE

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Ishtar infers a Maori-Inuit fight. We also get a nice shot of the Maori. People are begging for a war with Australia, but I don’t think it’s happening yet. Maybe in the Information era, we’ll have our war. The reformed Wobbegong looks much tougher than whatever Te is fielding.

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Gulf flips back to the White Walkers, as the Texan Navy desperately tries to scramble some semblance of a defence that doesn‘t require massive amounts of civilian casualties.

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A helicopter from the deep recesses of the north prepares to fight a Corsair commandeered by the Texans from the Pirates themselves, a phrase that is so cool, only a set of sea monsters, dramatic music and liberal use of pyrotechnics could make it more awesome. Icelandic and Canadian sailors kick back and watch the action.

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MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!! Using crack paratroopers, Urho (Finland) has brought the seed of Autocracy to the Middle East yet again. “Dubya” Kekkonen is on a roll, all he needs now is to win an election by questionable Supreme Court decision and let the economy slowly collapse until it’s some other guy’s problem.

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Another shot of the Swed-Spartan war, with even more peace-keeping Boer units filtering in. So far, no real change has happened and the Boers are blocking the major action. Even in peace, Kruger stops others from expanding.

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Baalbek falls, Cairo is fortified and the Ayyubids remain on F watch. At least the Great Musician can write a sorrowful piece on the death of Islam. Poor Party People…

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Now to Pedro’s Party People, now on a one front war and with some brand new AA guns. Meanwhile, the pirates continue to bear down on the Brazilian core! Welcome to the Jungle

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Canada takes Itazpcho from the Blackfoot and burns it. Honestly, the Blackfoot are with Morocco and Mali: not bottom 5 awful but definitely not as aggressive as their peers. Crowfoot just wants to have fun. Get ‘em Ekeuhnick (Inuit)!

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The Inuit core, where a plot is made to prove who the real blue-snow civ is. The amount of plants is staggering. No wonder the Walkers are pumping out soooo many units, their production must be through the roof.

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Iceland plots against Norway. That war would be over faster than...uh...an American’s total attention towards soccer. Sorry, I’m running low on quality jokes. Not yet at Mencia levels, but we’re approaching it.

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A list of possible and previous plots. Inuit construction of the Petagon is the most plausible in these admittedly useless “plotting” notifications. Fight me Em, but you and your colleagues suck at your job.

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Ishtar will go to Finland, Semiramis to Sibir and the lovely Em to Ethiopia. That sounded like an NBA trade deadline post, without tons of Sixers fans obsessing over draft picks like John Hinckley with Jodie Foster. Wow that came out fast and confusing and loaded with similes. C’mon Parsnip, get your energy back.

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More flipping, the all important Austin still with the Inuit. A Canadian scout attends the battle for free beer after 1.5 million casualties.

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Still no F for Saladin (Ayyyyyyyyubids) as Ethiopia continues to beat Carthage back. Mampong is under threat and the Boers giggle at all the cute riflemen and GWI. They think that‘s an army?

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Sri Lanka makes peace with Harun (Arabia). The Kekks fortify Batticaloa, as Arabia looks to invade.

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Norway can into Modern Era and Austin flips back. They, too, are waiting for a merciful power to finish them off. Gustavus (Sweden) might after he finishes with the Leg Day Legion.

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Lighting Round here: Shot of Yakutia slumbering with destroyers. Still 9/10 scary, just not next to the Inuit.

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As shown by our spy network earlier, the same Eskimos build the Pentagon. First wonder in a while, I’ll say. No surprise here, although this does bode extremely well for the snowball like nature of the Inuit Army in the nightmare scenario that unlike Australia, each war just makes them stronger.

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Batticaloa loses its cherished liberators and is taken by Arabia. A post war victory for Harun.

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Machu looks ready to capitulate to the pirates, and the Inca are limited to the capital and a cockblocked coastal city. Should Machu fall, I expect a land invasion of Cusco very soon.

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On the other hand, Morgan loses Sao Luis, Manaus and Belo Horizonte. Brazil looks ready to comeback.

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Austin barely Texan, Gonzales and Dallas not so much. Texas is running out of time and melee ships. It’s gonna be a little chilly in Cancun this year.

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Mughals make peace with powers that probably haven‘t visited their lands. Ah well, this allows them some more time to play around with their fancy new submarine!

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Burma lose Lam Ap Pho, and Mandalay. Go get ‘em Trungs! Have fun storming the temples! But enough of that! Let‘s head to the next slide!

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OH BOY!!!! THE HYPE TRAIN HAS REACHED THE STATION! Aussies and Maori throw down the gauntlet in the Second Oceanic War. I predict a decisive victory for Bruce-land, not without sever casualties of course.

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The battle rages in the Maori colonies, with the Wobbegong gaining a significant upper hand. Also, Norway joins the Lincoln club and adopts Freedom. RIP Norwegian happiness.

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More fighting, with Maori fielding submarines amidst BoatCon 447. 5 nations send reps.

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Yokohama is under siege by Maori carriers. Both sides look ready to flip it to 1 pop by next part. I feel bad for next part’s narrator, who has to narrate all those flips.

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F for the Ayyubids, ending them on turn 448. They made early headway and founded a small but popular religion based on partying. And they were PR’d at 12 once, being a major Medieval power in Africa. Then, the Boers happened and the tech gap widened leading us to their demise. RIP, as Ethiopia finishes Saladin off.

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Back to the ANZAC Civil War as several Maori island outpost come under immediate threat. My money’s on Australia landing most of these cities with a reforged Wollongong Armada. TPang‘s note: Wobbegong -_-

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Itazipcho flips back to the Black (Foot) and the Royal Air Force is partially displayed. The Inuit and even the Canadians can’t stop laughing at Crowfoot’s tech level. Meanwhile, Lester peaces out with Hannibal.

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Limping to finish here due to time restrictions: Ethiopia fortifies Ayyubid/Carthage gains, Boers still scary and International Games coming up. Just bet on the Spartans. They sweat Adderall.

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One powerful Khan plots against another, paper Khan. Let’s hope stupid Semiramis is right for once. Also, Boer peacekeeping units move to Snore-kutia.

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Urho plans to put down his pet regime and could do so relatively quickly. Stalin hides his fears of this with vodka, vodka, work camps and for a change, vodka. The Boers grind Sweden-Sparta to a halt through the magic of open borders.

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Finally, Em offers up an Ethiopian advance on Armenia (Hi Tiridates! Yes, I know you exist!) Eh, to the demographics!

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Pop. No surprise here, superpowers gonna superpower. Expect Maori to drop.

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I use this slide to plead with /u/Lunatic49 Mao‘s indoctrination of him. I doubt it‘ll work, just like all 6 of China’s population. Yay poverty jokes!

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As usual, Boers, then Inuit, 2 miles, then Korea, Sibir, Vietnam and then the field. SCIENCE!!!

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It’s hard to base success on number of wonders. I mean, look at Afghanistan, with 4. Australia tops the list because of his recent desert crusade.

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See, look at all the powers with only 1 (Buccs, Brazil, Sibir, etc) You could build 3 Great Firewalls vs 1 Petra. Wonders are great for helping you start out, especially if you‘re in a bad place - but if you‘re not geographically screwed over, then all‘s not too lost.

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Said Champa are loooaaaded, with almost twice as much as the Inuit. It helps not having an army to pay for. Wonder if the Boers will start losing money now that they are embargoed.

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Religooooooooon. Religion! Speaking of which, Judaism continues to guide Western Europe. Now, however, Catholisim has taken the lead, with a grip on both Americas. Islam may be 98% dead but at least all 14 followers are still faithful.

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Now the map of all major religions. Thanks so much to TPang for this opportunity to contribute and to all of you guys for consistently being awesome. I’ll be around screaming “SCIENCE!” whenever Korea nukes someone. Oh and check out /r/CBRModelWorldCongress and get signed up. May democracy prevail! For TPangolin and the Battle Royale, I’m ParsnipPizza. Go Red Sox!

Part 43: Remember the Alamaotearoa – mk2

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