Part 48: ‘On Streams and Torrents’ - The War on Piracy

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Welcome to part 48 of the /r/civ Battle Royale mk. II. I’m your host, /u/muffinking15, better known as ryanjames on steam, long time civ modder, first time commentator, and probably a Manx nationalist. Here’s a quick recap, last time we saw the last of the Maori holdings crushed by pirates, as well as the spread of Boer peacekeepers to every corner of the Earth, a worrying development that may indeed foreshadow bloodshed to come! I can guarantee you a significant number of city flips and pointless DOWs will occur this round. And this wonderful bit of art was made by /u/Draeren I wonder how aware Sweden is of the Finnish giant that slumbers over the mountains?

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Another wonderful map by /u/LacsiraxAriscal and /u/Malistrassa depicting a world constantly trapped in never ending warfare . . . And the year 4000BC

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This diplomatic chart was made by /u/mazerlaser. Not really sure why they bothered to add a legend/key for 'friendships' or 'denunciations', everyone‘s at war! Looks like everyone is bullying the little Mughal statelet, poor Akbar

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And here we have a lovely power rankings slide by /u/TA_knight. The Inuit get more frightening by the turn as they switch to, more controversial, 'Nuclear' tactics. Whether their power will be surpassed by a civ like the Boers remains to be told.‘‘

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Looks like I spoke too soon, as the Maori have captured Laredo from Henry Mogan (Buccaneers). However long this rump state lasts is anyone’s guess though, Henry has bigger fish to fry as Inuit units gradually make their way down to Floridarrr. Also note the long Icelandic carrier hanging out next to the Yucatán peninsula. I wonder what it is carrying?

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Ekeuhnick’s (Inuit) Kamchatkan holdings look to be in a dire position, as an impressive if disorganised Yakutian force looks set to sweep across and capture Isit, Wotjulum, Igloolik and more. However, the Inuit have one trick up their sleeve, another Atomic bomb. The next few turns shall indeed be painted blue with the blood of Inuits and Yakuts.

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Nuclear warfare has ravaged this already hostile region of the world. Not only do the people here have to avoid natural predators like wolves and white walkers, but now they must evade nuclear bears and fish with legs.

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It looks as though Sitting bull (Sioux) has wasted in no time in getting workers to rebuild the iconic Sioux Tipi. Though I have to say, I’m very confused as to how that Blackfoot worker got into the Sioux capital of Mdewakantonwan. “Make the Sioux great again!” is the slogan that plasters the walls of the city. “Why are we building a wall?” “To keep the blackfoot out!” “And who’s going to pay for it?” “The Blackfoot!”‘ In other news, a line of Mexican artists appear to be protesting on the Inuit-Mexican border, probably complaining about the damage the Inuit industrial complexes are doing to the environment.

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Political jokes aside, let’s look at a civ we haven’t seen in awhile, Canada. Lester B. Pearson seems to be gradually building up an army, the Canadians may be crippled to some degree, but they could make a comeback. The real hurdle for the Canadians if they want to be a world power again is that they are boxed in by the much stronger Icelandic and Inuit Empires, and to expand they’d have to declare war on either. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place!

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A tiny Buccaneer contingent sails around Maori waters, probably looking for rum. Poor Te Rauparaha (Maori). Almost anywhere else in the world and they would’ve been considered a superpower. But they made the mistake of invoking the rage of the (now Nuclear) God-Emperor Parkes by existing too close to Australian territory. Who thinks they’ll be wiped out this part? The betting starts at ten dollars!

11

The recently declared Brazilian-Chilean war rages on, with Brazil besieging the former Argentine city of Buenos Aires, one of those all important capital cities. While the city of La Plata looks to be in serious danger, I can’t honestly see Chile holding it permanently, they simply do not have the manpower. This war may condemn Chile to a life as a rump state, while in the past they’ve been able to use the mountainous terrain to their advantage, the rise of paratroopers and Helicopter gunships should put a stop to that. Only their artillery can save them now.

12

Reports from secret agent Em confirm that Sejong (Korea) is plotting against Ghengis Khan (Mongolia). Now that’s all well and good Sejong . . . But why aren’t you plotting against Vietnam! Every turn the Trung sisters get stronger and Sejong just sits there cradling nukes in his arms as if they were newborns! In all seriousness though, a Mongol-Korean war could prove to be very interesting, while Korea obviously has a tech advantage, the Mongols have an increasingly scary looking carpet, did Ghengis upgrade his troops since I last looked? Sejong may bite off more than he can chew if he declares war! Also note the Yakutian infrantry skiving off duty at the bottom of the screen. Shouldn’t you be fighting a war somewhere?

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Speaking of Expanding Vietnamese power, the Trungs seem poised to conquer what remains of the Cham. This appears to be confirmed by agent Semiramis, who has discovered a plot against Che Bong Nga (Champa). Just like in real life, Vietnam has been bullying the Cham for centuries. Or maybe, Battle Royale has leaked into real life. Food for thought people.

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Ouch, it appears Afghanistan has been embargoed by the world congress. Though, I have no idea how important trade was to the Afghan economy, the fact that the Afghan UI, the Kalle yields gold should help mitigate the damage. Not that it matters, Afghanistan is barely a regional power, and the sudden Finnish presence in the area should be a bigger cause for concern. I also sense that the Finns are preparing an assault on the Mughal citystate of Gyantse. Also, am I the only one who finds it amusing that dead civs such as Rome and the Ashanti are still given world congress delegates?

15

Damn Son. Dat flying carpet. If I recall correctly, the Finland was pretty low down on the initial power rankings, it was predicted that they’d be wiped out by some greater power like the Soviets or Polska. How wrong they were, instead Kekkonen (Finland) has forged an impressive Empire with holdings all around the world. In the grand city of Helsinki, propaganda dedicated to glorifying Kekkonen adorns towering skyscrapers, “Finland, Finland, Finland, the country I want to be pony trekking or camping . . .” is blasted out by loudspeakers from every street corner. Gustavus (Sweden) better finish upgrading his army. Already I see some more advanced vessels in Swedish waters, along with a few infantry, but it’ll take alot more than that to fend off the giant that we know as Finland. Also of note, the world ideology is now Autocracy, this doesn’t mean much in terms of military development, but it may encourage a few civs to reconsider their ideology.

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Arabia has constructed the Manhattan project, what an interesting development! With nuclear weaponry added to its Arsenal, Arabia could really make some gains against its much weaker neighbours. While Arabia ain’t no Finland, it is interesting to observe how these regional powers grow in strength. Meanwhile in Siberia, a Boer peace keeping force heads north to investigate the Yakut/Sibir stalemate

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A lone Sri Lankan vessel observes the recently renewed conflict between Chile and Brazil. Chile appears to be holding rather well, Buenos Aires has not yet fallen, and La Plata looks to be in an increasingly precarious position. A small but significant group of Chilean units patrol the waters around La Plat and the Brazilian presence in the region is looking a little thin. It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out.

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Portugal’s pretty weak, but you’re not going to do much damage with a couple of privateers Ahmed! (Morocco) France looks like it is growing in power, not that it will ever be a regional power, it’s too technologically backwards, but at the very least, civs like Iceland or Sweden may have a tough time conquering it. It appears that Korea has made peace with the Mughals, ending their disputes.

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Gustavus (Sweden) appears to have thrown down the gauntlet at Tiradates (Armenia)! This would be much more exciting if there wasn’t a Sparta in the way, or a Swedish military presence anywhere near Armenia. Korea also wants to join in on the fun, declaring war against Armenia too. And it appears that the crippled rump state of the Mughals has made peace with . . . The crippled rump state of the Maori, one less enemy for both of them I guess.

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What did I say Sejong, WHAT DID I SAY? Trung (Vietnam) power looks to have completely recovered from its earlier stumbles, signified by the Vietnamese advancement into the information era. We may be seeing Industrial complexes soon people. The considerable amount of Paratroopers also implies that Vietnam may seek to conquer from afar, perhaps they will finally be able to capture Lhasa (Tibet). Meanwhile Finland is set to eliminate the Mughals for good.

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Here we see Hawaii’s still painfully outdated navy. Kamehameha’s (Hawaii) days will be numbered once the Wobbegong attack. How many vessels from different civs can you spot? I can see 8, including a lone blackfoot admiral who is probably seeking to conquer Hawaii all by his lonesome.

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As expected, La Plata has fallen, but I expect it to flip a few times. Chile has held up well so far, but it looks as though Brazil is ready for a new offensive. A lone Canadian scout lies stranded on the frontlines, desperately dodging artillery fire as Brazilian helicopters zoom overhead.

23

An Ethiopian musician plays an uplifting marching song, giving regiments of great war infantry the morale they need to penetrate Carthaginian territory. The only thing standing in the way of Ethiopia and much of Hannibal’s (Carthage) holdings is a thin line of cannons and riflemen, I can’t seem them lasting much longer unless Selassie decides to accept a peace treaty half way through its high-tide. But even then, none of that will matter the moment the Boers attack, no matter how strong the Ethiopian Empire grows, the Boers will easily match it.

24

Get ready to press F to pay your respects, the mighty Maori empire has been more or less permanently wiped from the game. With no siege units, I see no way for the city to flip again. Henry Morgan (Buccaneers) founds the city of Maracaibo on the Yucatán peninsula, which shall surely grow to become a hive of scum and villainy, as you’d expect from a city of pirates.

25

A good view of the Sibir core. Kuchum Khan (Sibir) has clearly made an effort to build up the armed forces again which will hopefully deter the Finnish threat. Also for a moment I thought the city of Sintra was called “Sinatra”

26

Holy snap, I spoke too soon, the Maori truly have a strong fighting spirit (as you’d expect), and with no real way to do damage to Laredo (Maori), it’ll be at least a couple turns before the Bucs capture it again. Note the Canadians throwing themselves towards the Texan border seemingly, arbirtrarily.

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And it looks like the Sibir Khanate as entered the information era! This is a promising sign as the Khanate joins the ranks of super civs like the Inuit. “Kuchum Kuchum he’s our man, if he can’t do it, no-one Khan!”

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The Trung sisters (Vietnam) are plotting against Stalin (The Soviets). I’d say this didn’t mean anything, but then again the Trungs have a decent carpet of paratroopers, it mightn’t be too hard for them to pull a Finland and slaughter Stalin’s army of workers.

29

The Arctic war rages on as Kuchum Khan (Sibir) inflicts large damage on the city of Amga (Yakutia) despite only having a Helicopter gunship in the area. The city of Beryozovo, much to the dismay of the Boer peacekeepers seems ready to fall, if only the Yakuts could actually move a melee unit close without it being bombarded by enemy artillery fire!

30

The Finnish globetrotters continue to besiege Gyantse (Mughals), though the lack of siege units must be making life difficult. When Gysante falls it looks like the great Mughal dynasty will be condemned to live inside a submarine, just like a certain Babylonian god-king. I’m sure there’s some irony in here somewhere, but I can’t find it.

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Okay, I’m pretty certain the Maori have fallen for good this time. About 85% sure. Though I honestly did not see that coming, since when where the Maori and Mexico at war? Truly, the Maori have fought hard in this game, over the centuries they quietly established a vast pacific empire with well populated cities. Even when the Wobbegong came, the Maori were at the very least able to inflict devastating damage on the Ozzy capital, an event that would forever change the world of /r/battleroyale as the game went nuclear. F

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Here we see that the Inuit holdings are surprisingly sparse, maybe the war machine has slowed down? Not that it matters too much, I doubt Canada could do much to dent them in the event of a war. It also looks like the Inuit have wasted no time in converting the former Canadian and Texan territories for military use, constructing Industrial complexes and communication centres left, right and centre. Hey, what’s that on the right of the slide? Is that a Mexican composite bowman? Aw, poor thing must be lost.

33

The Chilean defensive front appears to have collapsed as the Brazilians seize Buenos Aires and La Plata (Chile), aswell as the city of La Rioja, which is especially important due to its large reserves of Aluminium and silver. La Serena also looks poised to fall, but the Chileans still have an army left, they could make a surprising come back!

34

Pirates versus Mali, this should be an interesting war, especially considering the lack of action in west Africa. One may be inclined to believe the Malians are doomed, but considering the Inuit-Buccaneer war, Henry Morgan’s forces will be stretched pretty thin at this point. The lack of any navy whatsoever could spell doom for Mali, but at least they have a few modern infantry units. I mean, I’m sure it won’t go too badly for Mali . . . right?

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Right guys? Mansa Musa (Mali) will make it out alive won’t he? But, damn son, that is a scary navy, that’ll teach me to underestimate the Bucs. I predict many, many city flips along the west African coast to come.

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The Kamchatkan war grinds to a halt as both armies remain too battered and thin to do any damage against each other. It looks as though the former inuit city of Taloyoak has been captured by the Yakutians, but whether they’ll hold it is anyone’s guess.

37

The former Incan city of Tiwanaku has fallen to Brazil, cutting the Chilean empire in two! The Chileans do appear to have a small but determined looking fleet ready to recapture the city. The same can’t be said for La Serena, which looks ready to fall.

38

The Mexican hold on Laredo looks to be permanent while the city of Gonzales falls into Henry Morgan’s (Buccaneers) grasp. The city is likely to flip again as Ekeuhnick (Inuit) has finally decided to commit to placing an army in the region!

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On the Sioux reservation of Mdewakantonwan, a billionaire tycoon named Sitting Bull is elected leader, building a citadel/wall on the Mexican border, and forcing blackfoot workers out of the nation. He is also imposes a travel ban on pirates and declares war on Henry Morgan (Buccaneers), accusing him of spreading international piracy.

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Darkhan (Yakutia) decides that there weren’t enough wars in the world and DOWs the Bucs too. The Yakutian core is frighteningly empty, with Boer peace keepers outnumbering the Yakutian army by 20 to 1.

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Because the region apparently wasn’t crowded enough, Henry Morgan (Buccaneers) plops the city of Port au Prince on the Central American coast. I wonder if this war is actually going to go anywhere, I predict that the Bucs will lose Petit Gove to the white walkers (Inuit), but neither side is committing a truly massive force.

42

Darius joins the coalition against the Pirates as Armenia seems to have a fair number of it’s UU in action, the Mamikonian. For anyone interested, its ability is: “Mounted units within two tiles of a Mamikonian General gain the Nakharar promotion, granting them a 33% bonus when attacking cities and allowing them to earn additional Gold from plundering cities following a different religion than the first religion founded. This unit also replaces the Great Prophet, though it cannot found its own religion. “ A pretty useful unit, or it would be if Armenia had any mounted units. Or was fighting any wars at all.

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Korea declares war on the Buccaneers too! And whatever happened to that Korean plot to conquer Mongolia? Ishtar damnit Em, please try to make your reports more accurate! Also, the Boer swarm seems to have spilled over into the sea of Japan and surrounding coast.

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And whatever happened to that Korean plot to conquer Mongolia? Ishtar damnit Em, please try to make your reports more accurate! Also, the Boer swarm seems to have spilled over into the sea of Japan and surrounding coast.

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Here we see the former Maori Pacific holdings now under the Australian banner. Can we just take a moment to really admire how powerful the Australian Empire is? These units may be spread out, but there sure are alot, and it looks like the Wobbegong Armada is finally being upgraded.

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ಠ_ಠ Normally I’d be excited to see the Boers declare war, well, at least they’re doing something? Saying that, considering virtually half the planet is covered in Boer troops, this might be more relevant than you’d expect, but I’d still prefer them to declare war against one of the stagnant African powers they border.

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These DOWs against the Buccaneers are getting exponentially more relevant, though Australia hasn’t finished rebuilding the new and improved Wobbegong. This is all because Sitting Bull (Sioux) declared war against Henry Morgan (Buccaneers), who knew such a tiny rump state could trigger what is fast becoming a world war, the “War against piracy”.

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Songtsan Gampo (Tibet) decides he wants to join in on the action and declares war against the Bucs. It’s nice to see the world gradually uniting against the threat posed by Henry Morgan. Seems like a diplomatic middle finger isn‘t strong enough!

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More rump states and stagnant civs join the war against piracy in a bid to avenge the Maori!

50

Now for something completely different. The Chilean fleet scrambles to push back Brazil, recapturing Buenos Aires, La Plata and Tiwanaku. Long gone are the days where south America was the boring continent, this war will likely determine whether Brazil will establish itself as an advanced world power or just another stagnant state. While this war has entered something of a stalemate, I think Chile has the upper hand due to its decent navy and many artillery units.

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Quadruple kill! Damn, I’m not good at this whole predicting thing, I’m sure we’ll see a few more city flips, but Chile is suddenly in a much more dire position.

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“Se Jong un” (Korea) seems to be targeting another civ for a naval attack, I wonder who it could be ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Gonzales has flipped back over to the Bucs once more.

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In an attempt to promote unity and peace following the war against piracy, the UN decides to meet in a few years to discuss the construction of an international space station, which will no doubt only aid in the Inuit’s bid for scientific supremacy. There will also be a meeting among the world’s most senior religious leaders (including the Ayyyyyyubid party prophet) to discuss the sinful nature of Lemons.

54

Ignoring the truly monstrous navy in the arctic sea, the Inuit core is surprisingly sparse. The Inuit have made very good use out of their snowy territory, building powerful Communications Array and Industrial Complex improvements.

55

Persia stumbles drunkenly into the modern era, likely after consuming a cocktail containing Buccaneer Rum, Soviet Vodka and a few drops of Gods sake, an old drink once fashionable with the emperors of Japan. Finland continues to be Finland, capturing the former Sri Lankan city of Batticaloa out of nowhere.

56

One of the most anti-climatic wars in history comes to an end as Henry Morgan (Buccaneers) makes peace with Ekeuhnick (Inuit). Considering the reputation and power of these two civs, I expected them to deal some real damage to eachother, but all they did was whittle down eachother’s armies a bit. Well, I guess that’s what happens when two opposing forces of equal magnitude interact (sorry for the bad physics joke)

57

The siege of Gysante finally comes to an end as Kekkonen (Finland) forces Akbar (Mughals) into exile aboard a submarine, forever dooming him to travel along the depths of the ocean as a lost soul. I’d give the Mughals a eulogy, but they did literally nothing the entire game, they just sat there for thousands of years before being overthrown by a power from across the world with which they hadn’t interacted with before. Probably didn‘t even realize they were in a Battle Royale - mind you it‘s worth noting - neither do we. Also, note the Inuit Unaaq in the bottom left, how in the world did he get there!?

58

We see first blood in the war against Piracy as a lone Buccaneer landship (because what other land unit would a pirate use?) besieges Uxmal (Australia). The Trungs (Vietnam) begin scheming behind Lester B. Pearson’s (Canada) back.

59

Back to the decisive war, we see that, nothing has changed. Ethiopia appears to have done nothing but act as target practice for Carthaginian cannons.

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Persia has unsurprisingly succumbed to peer pressure and adopted autocracy, while an Indonesian scout tries to work out how to navigate past the Spartan fleet and escape into the Atlantic ocean. Here we see the stagnant power of Sparta, despite some decent early gains, poor city placement has led to mass starvation in the Spartan core (Leonidas thought it might breed tougher troops).

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The Australians are pushed off central America by little more than a landship and a helicopter gunship, damn, these pirates really like their ships. I can imagine those Australian diggers yelling “We need some muscle over here!”

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In far north, a lone Malian caravel is bullied by pirates. This is what the war against piracy is all about, it’s about stopping these kinds of terrible crimes from taking place, for too long the nations of the world have lived in fear of Henry Morgan, it is time to act!

63

The once great cities of La Plata and Buenos Aires are now burnt out husks as they flip back over to Chile. While Brazil still has a significant military presence in the area, I’m not sure whether Brazil will be able to maintain this war for much longer.

64

The Mexicans disgruntled that their diplomatic middle finger on the denounce button is nowhere near edgy enough decide to take it one step further - by invading Afghanistan. Well, not with any land troops of course, most likely a recreation of the hogwarts barrage of letters scene from the first Harry Potter movie with envelopes filled with pictures of a dead snake in the clutches of an eagle with an arrow pointing to it saying 'Mirwais'.

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Note to self: Don’t trust the Trungs Also, it looks like they were plotting against Benito Juarez (Mexico), so I guess that war was pre-emptive?

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Damn Ekeuhnick, where’d you find these? The Inuit suddenly got even scarier, Benito must be shaking in his boots! Having already mastered ice, the Ekeuhnick must be attempting to master nuclear hellfire too!

67

The Boer sticks are by far the pointiest, come down to Paul Kruger’s pointy stick outlet, by far the best in the tri-city area! Kuchum Khan, the Trung and Henry Parkes all have roughly similar sized armies, followed by Kekkonen and Ekeuhnick. I’m surprised the Buccaneers aren’t near the top, maybe the war against Piracy is working?

68

Ah, there’s Morgan. While still having an army greater than a majority of civs, if any of the top civs committed to a major invasion of the Caribbean, we could see the beginning of the end for the Pirate republic.

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And on the bottom, we’d have who you might expect, the list of dead powers+Babylon

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Lastly, we finish with an unsurprising Trung plot against Crowfoot (black foot) Here’s some food for thought: Are Crow foots feet black? Or are they like crow feet? Or maybe both? Something for y’all to think about until next part

71

Onto the religion stats for you nerds. Catholicism is by far the strongest religion in the world, though Judaism has about the same amount of followers. Buddhism, Oriental Orthodoxy and Akatt-u and Shinto all control very roughly the same amount of cities. Islam is so far the only religion that has been eliminated.

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Here we see that Catholicism is the only religion spanning two continents (though Judaism controls much of Asia and Europe). Oriental Orthodoxy is the dominant faith of Africa by a longshot, though Akatt-u is spread across an impressive amount of territory. The last bastions of atheism (once the world’s dominant “faith”!) are not limited to the pacific, and Antarctica, as well as a few bastions on the mainland. Hey TPang, can we see an Atheist Empire added into the game ruling over Antarctica? I would seriously pay to have that made. Or maybe I should make it myself. TPang‘s note: Only if you make the trait '(Enlightened by my own Intelligence) Gain a Golden Age Points from working Scientist Specialist Slots'

Part 48: ‘On Streams and Torrents’ - The War on Piracy – mk2

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