Part 95: Hell No, We Won’t Go!

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Greetings, fellow denizens of the Sub! Welcome to Part 95 of this crazy Battle Royale. This is u/DerErlenkonig, Iceland fanboy extraordinaire. Courtesy of u/Squato, we see a distressed denizin of the Dai Viet being dragged to his doom by a dutiful Digger. Goddamn!

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My very own Tile Accurate Map! Hopefully I’ve lived up to the name and didn’t make any stupid mistakes.

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Here we have u/edse1911’s fantastic Average Map of the Cylinder. Many once strong empires are clearly visible, including Yakutia, Canada, Ethiopia, and even America! You have to wonder how well integrated these people actually are. I imagine massive revolts are commonplace.

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Shocking development as Armenia doesn’t make it to #1 in the Power Rankings! Please contact your senators and tell them to right this egregious wrong. Every little bit helps, friends!

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Right off the bat, Sibir and Sweden clash in Ukraine. Numerically the battle seems quite even, but a closer look reveals a much more desperate situation for the Swedes. Biotroopers, the DNA unit, have 120 combat strength while the Swedish Organic Infantry have 100 combat strength. Sibir also sports a healthy fleet of 9 aircraft, compared to Sweden’s 2. Gustavus has had an amazing showing for how relatively weak his empire is, so the fate of this war is not certain. If I were him, I’d be pushing for peace with Iceland ASAP to focus on the eastern onslaught.

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To the North, a wall of Biotroopers lay siege to Stalingrad, it’s namesake an honoring of the leader of some measly Renaissance nation. Things look absolutely dire for Sweden.

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Sweden never fails to surprise me. Southern Germany hosts a healthy composition of units. Tegea seems firmly Icelandic, but with nearly every city in Southern Europe at 0 Health, a lucky snipe can turn the tide of war.

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Cologne is retaken but Neapolis is lost. It’ll be endless flips until Iceland reaches the gates of Berlin.

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The North Sea is adrift with countless dead men. No progress is made for either side but bombing runs rage on as the Atlantic Garbage Patch slowly seeps into battle.

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Constantly hearing about how dangerous the situation in the South China Sea is in our world, shots like this make me grateful nothing has gone hot. Kimberly has flooded Southern Vietnam with countless Peacekeepers, perhaps to spite their old Australian foe.

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With the knowledge acquired in the International Space Station, Vietnam has unlocked the secrets of Biotroopers. A surge of patriotic Vietnamese retake Dong Hoi and Hoi An, but the damage has been done. Nearly 40 Million Vietnamese citizens lay dead on Hainan alone.

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Isfahhan is eradicated as the Vietnamese storm Susa and prepare to retake Kabul. The unstoppable tide of Border Gore has officially reached India.

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Thi Li Bi Nai is captured but Panduranga holds strong as Australia fails to send any melee units. Vietnam has a whopping 70(!) Aircraft defending their homeland. Combined with the spiteful Kimberly Peacekeepers, Australia will find making any further progress here incredibly difficult.

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Australia flips back Hoi An and prepares to retake Dong Hoi. A sea of units swarm Southern China, and unless peace can be made soon, I expect Saigon to be lost soon.

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Genghis Khan shakes his fist at Sibir, but I’d be shocked if they do anything. IF they surprise everyone and attack, don’t expect a glorious Mongolian comeback. Even though Sibir is mostly empty, keep in mind how terribly behind Mongolia is in tech, not to mention that as of Part 94, their production is nearly 10 TIMES SMALLER than Sibir! Realistically, war would decimate their obsolete army within a few turns, until the Wrath of Khan was brought down on the meager empire.

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Susa flips back and the Boer reinforcements have nearly arrived. A well placed Atomic Bomb could seriously slow their advance. However, it’s easy to forget the AI can’t see everything. Persia is a dark void of uncertainty, and they may not expect another wave.

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Stalingrad appears to have flipped as the pressure mounts on Sweden. They have a huge airforce but planes can’t take cities.

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Neither side has a decisive advantage. Sweden hasn’t reached the breaking point yet, but when they do, I expect progress to be much faster for Iceland.

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Drone Fighters! This is the final upgrade of the Fighter Line, sporting 100 combat strength and a range of 12 tiles. Bombers will always be more useful, but at least the carriers are being used for something.

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A rare shot of Pirate Senegal and Cabo Verde. Or as the Boers understand it: a stain on the map. The Boer Worker Carpet continues to do what they do best: turning the Sahara green and making turn times miserable. It’s notable that the Boers have open borders with both Iceland and the Buccs; hopefully this means friendly relations.

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Not a melee boat in sight around Florida. The Buccs and the Blackfoot are spilling into Inuit lands, so it appears North America will continue to bore. Unit wise, the Blackfoot still lag behind dramatically with their modern units, but the Buccs have surprisingly caught up and sport Biotroopers. This would do little more than delay the inevitable if war breaks out with the Inuit, but I have to hand it to Morgan for catching up with his limited resources.

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Flips, flips, and more flips. Panduranga remains Australian but it probably won’t last. As the former Cham capital, it’s a huge prize if Australia manages to hold it.

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Good news, Korea fans! You have a grand total of One Advanced Destroyer! Sounds like nothing, but what if I told you that through this entire part, there isn’t a single Australian Advanced Destroyer?

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Nedong reunites with the Khanate. Truthfully, I was hoping Tibet would get liberated, but with how hated they were, I severely doubt it’ll ever happen.

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The tides are turning in Iceland’s favor as Corinth falls. Ohrid is barely holding on and Constantinople is entirely undefended. Balkanskaga will be united under one banner!

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I have a theory that there is an international corporation, based out of Port Royale, that specializes in carrier production. This international super-conglomerate has government contracts all over the world, and the Buccaneers prop up this corrupt entity to maintain global sway. The Icelandic Alþingi is just one of many governments bought off by Big Carrier, giving massive subsidies to build a useless fleet in exchange for election funding. #OccupyRekjavik

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The Boers, lacking much of a human government at all, is immune to the demands of Big Carrier and sports only a few of the worthless lugs. Kruger isn’t known for his naval prowess, but this defensive fleet will make any invasion from the sea a logistical nightmare, even without any melee units.

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“Hell no, we won’t go!” Panduranga falls and progress stalls. Protests throughout the Australia erupt as news of the death toll pervades life in the Australian Empire.

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Even as their homeland burns and their colonies are eradicated, the Indian Ocean looks well populated and strong. Not too many carriers and huge population centers from Sri Lanka to Myanmar. If they lose the Temple of Artemis, we could see a Great Vietnamese Famine.

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The Khanate secures Stalingrad and begins landing forces on the Kola Peninsula. I would move those planes out of Jyväskylä if I were Gustavus.

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Ohrid becomes Icelandic, Jyvaskyla becomes Siberian, and Nedong becomes Swedish. Constantinople is within grasp and with a little effort, Adrianople could be Icelandic too. This is Swedish Ragnarok.

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I’m not sure what Kamehameha is doing, but he’s doing something right. Kaneohe has over 30 Million Hawaiians sharing the real-world island of Palau. The entire landmass is only 466 square km, assuming no crazy atoll expansion has happened. That’s about 66 thousand people per square km! Henry Parkes isn’t very happy with this beautiful ocean metropolis, and secretly plots to make it just as lame as all his surrounding islands.

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The Vietnamese Core looks dangerously barren. Citizens better get some shelter, or else they’re gonna fade away.

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The Boer Ryk watches quietly from the Black Sea as Sibir marches on. Moscow is heavily defended but I can’t imagine they’ll hold much longer. Sibir has over twice the production and each city taken widens that gap.

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Constantinople is little more than a hollowed out shell now, but it has been returned to Icelandic rule. It’s a shame to see what this once great city has become.

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Cologne is nearly retaken. Norway and Denmark are at critical health, but no units look ready to make landfall.

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The Duchy of Beryozovo has stagnated, but otherwise is looking pretty solid for a tiny arctic city. I fully expect them to survive into the very end of the game since there is absolutely no reason to take the city.

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Despite international condemnation and heavy sanctions by the United States of Australia, Korea has aggressively pursued their nuclear program. Four ICBMs are prepared to fire on anyone who thinks Korea is a weak empire. Henry Parkes tweets that Sejong is short and stupid looking.

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Kuchum Khan has officially collected all the Jyväskyläs on the map! It’ll almost certainly be flipped back, but every captures makes it more difficult for Sweden to repel their invaders.

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Lodz and Munich are well defended, but Cologne is firmly Icelandic (and we even got some extra tiles out of it!). Hamburg is ripe for the taking and past the front lines, Europe lays bare. If only Big Carrier didn’t cripple our military industrial complex, half of Sweden would have been taken already.

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InfoAddict time! I know, I know, a bit short. Here we have an interesting chart of Landmass since the revival. Sweden perfectly parallels the fall of Finland, while Brazil and Iceland zip back and forth between 4th and 5th as Vietnam plummets. If Sibir and Iceland can integrate about half of Sweden’s empire each, they will each fall just short of the Inuit.

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Not too many surprises in this slide. The Yaks have reverted to hunter gatherers while Korea, Vietnam and Iceland break through the barriers of science. Offscreen, most if not all empires have completed the tech tree.

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With over 1 Million gold, the Boers could buy units out of every city every turn for god knows how long. As history has told us, the AI is not exactly smart enough to do this. Remember when Champa had over 500k at the time of their death?

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Even the hunter gatherers of Yakutia, barely scraping by on arctic foxes and shrubs, have more gold than Finland. If we assume this statistic is roughly equal to their GDP, Finland is barely doing better than real-world Micronesia. I suppose a collection of tiny islands isn’t that different from what they have become. Aaaaand that’s all folks! This has been u/DerErlenkonig, and I’ll see you all in the comments. Cheers!

Part 95: Hell No, We Won’t Go! – mk2

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