Episode 10: The Historians’ Hand

1: A Turbulent Age

Welcome back to the CBRX2! I’m ECH, a fan of the show since the hiatus era of Mrk 2 and poster of many dumb lil’ series on the sub (old timers may recall the Daily Civ Discussion of Mrk 2, the ‘Who are you rooting for?’ polling and most recently the CBRX2 Schoolhouse). Honoured to be conducting an actual episode, and due to a quickly patched leak this time we have a jumbo episode, going from turn 270 to 309 instead of 299.

Now, this episode is also going to be an experiment on my part with a concept that has been proposed a few times over the years: separating out narration preferences. Straightforward analysis will always be present first, but if you see a barrier of squiggly lines mid-way through a slide, the writing thereafter will take a…

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…narrative format”, penned the Historian, smiling to themselves as they wrapped up the introduction to their magnum opus. They knew there were detractors to this style in the academies of the Cylinder, but as far as they saw it, what was history if not the grandest play ever put to paper? Certainly, no age deserved this treatment more than this period of conflict and ideas, as civs found either their Renaissance completed, or their final demise. With a prodding gale pounding on the windows of their hermitage library, a wizened hand picked up a quill and began their first page…

2: Pretty Fair

Last week saw one of the more baffling eliminations in CBR history as a civ was not only left homeless by a middling naval invasion from across the continent, but when troops could clearly at least try and retake it, they instead decided to make peace with no cities. u/Paraguay_Stonks rationalises this in perhaps the only clear way you could; Barre simply didn’t want it, and was tired of it all. Honestly, writing this now after 8 hours of writing the final half of this… yeah man, I feel that.

3: Old Reliable

I can’t be the only viewer here who, unfailingly, upon the release of Vihreaa’s wonderful maps each episode grabs the last one and switches tabs between the two, marvelling at the slightest of changes. This week actually sees a lot of the final unclaimed tiles, especially within the Pacific, get gobbled up by Malacca and Kulin.

4: Chukchi Cartography

We have a second form of map this week, in the form of u/ExplosiveWatermelon’s wonderful civ start-screen style representation of the current Chukchi domains, now firmly spanning the Bering Strait. Not sure it’s going to look like this for long however, given the war with the Chinook hasn’t ended, so the cartographers should be ready for updates!

5: Scrutinising Seko

The infinitely wise Power Rankers have this week evaluated Zaire worthy of the top spot, which I’m a pretty big fan of. With a strong defensive UA to discourage counterinvasion, a Pan-African empire offering a wide range of invasion options, and an ongoing pincer strike on Cleopatra allied with Nigeria, Mobutu should be able to make some good gains based on this assessment.

6: The Icy Campaign

We start turn 270 with a shot of the War for Alaska between the Chukchi and Chinook, which continues to be a triumph for the former. This form of border-to-border war is exactly where the Chukchi shine, with a lot of obvious examples here where their tile-stealing-on-kill UA kicked in with powerful effects. Ilwaco is set to fall with no flips, and given the annexation of Wahkiakum it seems happiness is not an immediate worry, as far as razing goes. Barring a massive push from the Southern core, those peacekeeper Japanese scouts may be the best defence the Northern Chinook have.

7: Descent, Ascent

Moundville looks set to fall, as like many contenders of this region, it seems the fact of being surrounded in the plains takes its toll, and a number of decently sized civs could take a chance on kicking them while they’re down. However, the Mississippi do have the troops out there and enough production to mount a strong defence, especially while their ‘Falcon Dancer’ UU’s remain viable (longswordsman replacements that need no iron and build at half cost in high population cities).

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“The capture of Saltillo in the ancient days of the Cylinder formed a core of the national mythos of two civilizations. To the Mississippi Empire, it was a symbol of supremacy, of their rightful rule over the heartland of their continent, from the frozen Great Lakes to the swamplands of the Gulf Coast. To the vaqueros of the Rio Grande however, it left a festering wound in the national image, and no matter how much of the land to the South they swallowed up over the centuries, minds and eyes remained North. The funny thing about ideas is, as much as they are wholly artificial, once turned upside down they can have explosive material effects. What began as a simple war of reconquest had destroyed a central tenet of American geopolitics, and many empires have been destroyed by less…”

08: Desert Drowsiness

5 turns ago both Nigeria and Zaire declared on Cleopatra, but so far things seem sluggish here. With a distracted enemy and a military tech advantage (Zaire boasting 6 cannons in this slide alone, while Nigeria has their knight UU), I’d expect to see quick sieges of Berenike and Paraitonion rather than Ptolemaic troops entering Zaire. That being said, this could just be logistics delays, and once those troops move up, we’ll see the true power potential here. Both of the African civs here are major contenders, Zaire already holding a continental empire while Nigeria playing more of a ‘Mk 2 Korea’ role so far, so wars like this can make or break their fate.

09: Antlers and Furs

Niagara remains a well populated and fairly defensible city state, particularly with Tuskaloosa’s attention being on Rio Grande right now. However, running your small and increasingly outdated army of swordsman UU’s into citadels would probably not be the most-advised strategy. To the West, we can see the impressive navy of the Great Lakes, frustratingly missing a single tile for full access, and across the East Coast Stuyvesant is sporting some Schutterij UU musketmen, both innately stronger and ludicrously buffed on forts. Lovely icon also, if I may say.

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The Historian paused their ink as they pulled out the maps of North-East America during the Flint Crisis, as time would judge it. So, so many maps, and even something so objective told a story of its authors. The Mississippi maps stood out as yellowed and grand, rimmed with proclamations and exaggerating borders; a map of pride and might. The Dutch maps in contrast are efficient and concise black-and-white affairs, informative not on humanity but of that central affair of their lives, the beaver and its goods; a map of commerce. What few Neutral maps of the era remain, meanwhile, are tattered and sketched, but focused on the homeland and the homeland alone; a portrait of indomitable struggle in the face of overwhelming odds. “What a fun little triad of motives”, the scholar muttered out loud, “Couldn’t invent something so neat if I tried”.

10: 1153 squared

Ascalon will flip twice this turn down to 1 pop, with both parties having enough of a melee surplus to keep this going for a while unless Cleo makes a full offensive to secure their gains. As much as Hejaz is surprising me with how long they’ve held out, you’ve gotta feel bad for that bizarre escorted settler in Yemen. Perhaps the most important question is, will the resources required by this front compromise the defence of the African front?

11: The Spanish Armada

The biggest cliffhanger of last episode was to my mind the Gallic War on Spain, a war of two mindsets. By all accounts, the Gauls were out to crush Carlos, no matter how endearing he is, or how seemingly imposing a fleet he has. As the CBR has shown time and time again, carpets are exaggerated and vanish after sustained conflict, where large empires with production to spare can keep up. On the other hand, cripes look at that navy! Discord users noted that Carlos single-mindedly rushed towards frigates, being the second civ to reach the technology despite mediocre overall science. Spain is pulling a risky gambit, and to win they need to make quick, decisive gains to equalise the conflict or break a peace. Delays equals death.

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The diplomatic situation of Western Europe amidst the decline of Wales was as fragile as glass, with the balance of power breaking towards Vercingetorix’s weighing as they single-handedly filled the vacuum, tacitly working with the Spanish while denying them any gains. Immediately following the capture of Casnewydd and the final death bell of Wales with it, it’s said that the Spanish quickly came to recognise the con they had walked into, and within days rushed to assemble a defence plan. Valuing the scope of his lands, and knowing well the terror Gallic troops inspired in land warfare, the greatest naval innovators were sought to take the fight to a domain the Spanish could win on: the Atlantic.

12: The War of Closed Ports

Here we see a very unfortunate front for the New Netherlands, as they commit to a war with the Olmecs where they trickle in troops to land and die on the shore, whilst both Olmec cities are tile-blocked by foreign citadels, effectively preventing any naval attacks. In general the force quality here is degrading a bit too quickly for comfort, if you’re rooting for the East Coasters. Compare the naval situation vs Rio Grande from their last skirmish to now, for example.

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Speculation had long permeated academic space as to why the level headed Stuyvesant and his council of influential frontier traders would continue pouring men to die in the Olmec tropics. Expedition after expedition, resulting in little more than humiliation and corpses rotting under the tropical sun. Some claimed the mercantile elites had simply invested too much in Caribbean military contracts, and needed to utilise them. The more conspiratorial framed it as a grotesque con, a way to stir the citizenry and invent investment into the weapons and provisions industries. The Historian, however, favoured a constructivist interpretation: ideas were the killers of these troops. The Director-General had proclaimed Netherlander control of the region, and so they must realise this reality. Hubris, no less than metal, was a frequent killer of states, it seemed…

13: Sai-Jong

Ooooo, you all forgot about this war, admit it! Well, quickly set up your F key, because it’s hard to see anything happening beyond Saigon falling next turn, a few more at most. This has been a rivalry since Episode 1, and seeing its completion will be a bit of a paradigm shift. Beyond Saigon, in the South China Sea we find, well, Jongs. Nothing else, only Jongs. To clarify, Jongs are the omnipresent Malaccan caravel UU, which boost the gold output of tiles they sit on, alongside the usual strength and production benefits. It feels pretty recent, but the last war between Malacca and Taiping, a stomp for Mansur Shah, was over 60 turns ago and it’s hard to imagine Malacca not wanting another bite with their current advantage.

14: A Reich-oning

The war declaration with the Dene is the only one showing here, but the far more important one is also visible, as Wilhelm II has chosen to flex his Atlantic navy (The real Wilhelm must be smiling in his grave) on the antiquated Icelandic fleet. I’m not sure why Eldjarn’s navy has fallen so far behind, whether it lies in research or economics, but it’s a lesson many a CBR leader has had to learn the hard way. With 3 tiles of coast access, I could easily see the 18 pop city of Gardabaer fall should the war last long enough, a devastating blow to the already flagging islanders. Though who knows, perhaps Iceland will pull a Two Sicilies and upgrade every ship in one turn, switching the tables and taking Magdeburg?!

15: As Canopies Fall

The Marajoara-Columbian border looks very militarised, with citadels, armies and even forts. The lingering presence of Panama being a former domain of Bolivar unavoidable; Gran Colombia has already taken revenge on only plucky civ that showed them up in the early game, and I can easily imagine them wanting to avenge Panama in the near future also. However, P’kuee has already beaten many peoples expectation, and still has a decent army complete with a good number of their life-stealing Snake Canoe’s, besting Bolivar’s galleasses.

16: Mississippi Burning

Moundville is set to raze, with enough defenders around to likely flip it plenty, especially if more keep rushing in, but a solid front of Rio Grande forces to its south ensuring it’ll be ashes by the end, if I had to predict. Adding to Rosillo’s success, over the past two turns they’ve secured the region with two new cities: Ciudad Camargo and Sabinas Hidalgo; creating a very aesthetically pleasing two-layer latitudinal ring of cities that if built up could be hell to blitz through. With Cahokia wide open, I’d feel good if I was a Rio Grande stockholder.

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Why was the booming settlement of Moundville, recorded as having some of the greatest examples of earthen mound architecture on the Cylinder, ordered destroyed when the riders of the South burst through its barriers? Obviously, many patriotic scholars of Rio Grande were keen to present it as an exaggerated array of small accidents and rogue agents that occur when an army storms a city, from disconnected mischievous looters to cows kicking over lanterns, but these excuses are widely ignored by the rest of inter-civ academia. The preeminent avenue of thought emphasises the statistics of state capacity and food logistics; but the Historian always thought that perspective impassively cruel in it’s systemic ways. No, there’s a reason why Moundville burned that numbers could never reveal, and it’s the same reason Spiro burned as well while Saltillo recovered neatly. Moundville wasn’t destroyed in spite of its grand monuments; it burned because of them; because as the Enlightenment emerged nations could be attacked just as much as a city.

17: Partitioning Paraitonion

We return to the Sahara theatre of the Anti-Hellenic coalition, where progress still seems slow as Nigeria inserts more Yan Lifidas into the desert interior. A knight UU would not be my main choice for a war currently so focused on city capture, but hey, Awolowo is a smart dude, I assume he knows what he’s doing. The open borders he has with Zaire is a good sign, at least. Now is as good a time as any to acknowledge the continually massive Two Sicilies fleet in the Mediterranean. Come on Ferdinand, follow your dad and use your fleet! The boats just off the coast, with an icon with two notable sail-poles, is a UU frigate (they reached the tech 3rd) with the speed on an ironclad, so very powerful if taken advantage of while galleasses still sail.

18: Swords and Smoke

The bodies continue to pile up in the long war between Yuan and the Heavenly Kingdom. Hong Xiuquan is increasingly bringing his Changmao musketmen in force, who gain bonuses to attacking cities while on pillaged tiles, and when taking them build defences in immediately. With bonuses like that, you have to expect a bloody conflict of pillage and siege, surely? Kublai Khan possesses a good number of troops defending the capital who probably need to be redeployed for when that line of knights defending the borderlands fall.

19: Dwindling Defence

Fairly similar shot to before, except the Neutral’s war bands are officially dead now, leaving the total garrison of Niagara as a composite bowman and a trireme. Must get a lot of individual funding, eh? Beyond this frame, Moundville flips, the real question in the air being how long until it switches again more than anything else.

20: Sai-Gone

Saigon falls, and with it so does Vietnam! Stuck early on in a seemingly endless rivalry with Laos (I believe having the closest capital cities in any CBR initially, please correct me if wrong), it was probably the indirect limits to settling placed on them by Taiping and the direct intervention of Malacca that ensured their demise most of all. Where Laos had inland Indochina and the Bay of Bengal to settle towards, Vietnam could only hug their coast, where they were picked off by a stronger naval power. Farewell, comrade.

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The domain of Vietnam under the wise ‘Uncle’ Ho Chi Minh has long been of interest to intellectual circles owing to its immortal leader’s proclivity towards a form of national collective spirit from the civilizations first emergence, well before such ideas would develop into comprehensive ideologies alongside early industrialization. Perhaps it was this relatively unique spirit itself that drew the ire of so many peers, happy to exist for the moment as petty despots, whether lofted up by aristocracy, priesthoods or admirals.

21: Wuxi Woes

All the action is kicking off in Asia as just like that, Mansur Shah pounces! The few new or previously untaken forays of Taiping into the Pacific, such as Wuxi, should be easy pickings for the thalassocracy of Malacca as their ludicrous fleet of caravel UU’s swarm them. Perhaps more important to look out for in the coming slides is whether Wuxi is razed or simply taken, as if Wuxi is reduced to ashes, the mainland cities have no chance and we could see Mansur destroy its greatest rewards.

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The origins of the Second Jong War are rooted in a proclamation advanced by the victor of its predecessor, the ‘Undang Laut Melaka’ – the Maritime Law of Malacca. In it, the Mallacan state asserted it’s rights over all trade routes and habitable land over the confines of a certain point away from the mainland. Simply put, the Heaven King had underestimated the power of imagined lines in a vast blue ocean; just one more exemplar in this era the Historian could find for their work of the unreal pushing the course of reality.

22: The Dene Shield

Here we have a fuller overview of the Dene holdings, and the picture is essentially… mediocre. Filter out the civilian units here, and you end up with a mid-sized detachment around the Southern border, a small navy in Hudson Bay, and just garrisons in the core. Still, that army is at least united right now, and both the Mississippi and the Chinook are presently distracted, so with a bit more build-up I could see some big moves be played. Just as importantly, in the notifications we can see peace come to the Arabian Peninsula as Hejaz and the Ptolemies sign a treaty, which from minimap movement looks to have netted 2 or 3 extra cities for Cleopatra, woah!

23: Treaties and Tribulations

Indeed, the results of that peace deal are partially visible here, with Medina probably the biggest loss for Hussein here, a 12 pop city with narrow access just handed over. On the other side of the Red Sea, it’s frustrating to see so much manpower in central Africa doing seemingly nothing especially as Cleo just lost a significant distraction. Zaire is constructed as a defensive civ, with a powerful UA to that extent where invading units lose health dependant on the number of denouncements Mobutu has received, so I’m tempted to chalk this up to an AI weighting, but still, those cannons could be doing some beautiful work.

24: The Thin Grey Line

Even with a solid position behind a mountain, the bastion of Yehuh looks set to fall as more Chukchi troops (albeit some deeply damaged) encroach. With it lost, Chinook Alaska would be over, whilst the rest of it’s Northern cities remain connected by single-tile pathways, not exactly a sign of prosperity. Even with peace, the Chinook will be stunted in terms of regrowth due to essential coastal tiles being taken (limiting a defensive naval carpet), not many silver linings for Comcomly here.

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The wars of the Chukchi and Chinook would in the future take on a curious form in frontier mythology; with gritty tales of refugees braving blizzards, lodge fires raging during blinding snowstorms; lost vessels running against North Pacific waves 20 times their height, and so on. Only recently had academics like the Historian began to seriously consider these folk tales, over time distorted and mass produced into pulp anthologies, with some historical respect. Partly there was a recognition of the half-truths baked into them, of course, but of greater interest lay the understandings permeated in them, the unspoken rule that this was an untameable land of harshness, where violence was inherent. Excuse? Perhaps. Truth also? Perhaps, also.

25: Hello, Hilo

The Hawaiian New Guinea city of Hilo might genuinely contain more strength and output alone than the core of Queen Lili’uokalani’s holdings. Certainly more land. Admiring this port isn’t the real reason this slide sits here though, as to the right you can see Rosillo and Tuskaloosa have reached peace, amazingly while Moundville remains in Mississippi hands. Not sure what happened here, but at least there’s been no other changes, so Rosillo has secured continuous borders from the Olmecs to New Netherland, where before they had to convoy troops across the Gulf to hold Tampico.

26: Projection Errors

I’ve been rooting for Raja Raja I since the vote, so it’s a shame to see him succumb to one of the infuriating Civ 5 AI quirks: starting wars based on pure math rather than strategic reality. Chola may well have a significant advantage when you compare their total strength vs Laos, but that means squat when so much of that is naval and you have essentially no access by those means, or when your army will need to march through some of the Cylinders most defensible terrain and is already outnumbered. It’s too early to conclude that they won’t make any headway, perhaps they can throw enough troops across the water and into Muang Thaeng to grab it; but between the terrain and Loas having crossbowmen, I doubt it. Hawaii and Tahiti peace out with no change, as per usual.

27: Pretty Bad for Badr

We can see more of the aftermath of the Ptolemaic aggression on Hejaz here, with Hussein bin Ali essentially reduced to a thin arc of cities from the Horn of Africa to Persia, an arrangement which is famously bad for defenders. Cleopatra is only razing Badr, and must be feeling pretty chuffed, having taken one risky settlement across the Red Sea into a strong secondary core with these wars against Jerusalem and Hejaz. Even if Kurdistan declared right now, based on this slide, I’m not sure they’d be able to take much besides a quick swipe of Tabuk, if even that, due to the tech divide. Could things get worse for Hejaz? Yes, they can, as it’s not shown but Chola just declared war on them alongside Laos (I may be confused here, because either way around these are odd decisions, perhaps defensive alliances are involved).

28: Play…

A scan of the East Atlantic before either side has moved on turn 272 shows Spain on the upper edge, if not by the margin they’d hope to have. Samarobriva is destined to fall, but aside from that I’m not sure if Spain has momentum to make a bigger blow. Sure, Casnewydd is in the red, but with 2 crossbows, a longswordsman and a knight coming over to defend it, I’m not sure Spain’s pressing hard enough. Let’s see how this turn plays…

Oh, and in East Asia Jan Coen has declared war on poor lost Tjilpi’s rump republic. How impactful!

29: …by Play

Never say you don’t get quick action with the CBR!! Just ignore the fortnight waits please. Anyway, Samarobriva did fall to Carlos’ winning smile, but may be liable for a single flip back given the Gallic forces surrounding it. Spain still has a relatively strong armada given how united they are, but consider all the vessels Gaul has in the English Channel and North Sea added in. At the very least with the slight Eastward map shift we can see Barcelona has actually escaped damage so far, so were I advising Carlos I’d argue for clearing out all Gallic strength in Biscay, focusing everything on Brittany and Cornwall, then immediately peacing out to regather strength before an actual counter-strike or another opportunistic war breaks out.

30: By the Riverbank

Another shot of the Rio Grande – Mississippi border confirms the minimap speculation of the peace deal; despite Rossillo’s advantage they declared peace with Moundville still in Mississippi control, albeit more than quartered in size from a 22 pop core city to the fairly hard to defend 5 pop outpost it is now. Not much else to report, so may as well add that a good amount of these new cities will work towards Rio Grande’s UA, where river tiles owned by them damage enemy units. Good luck heading back down if they keep up their army, Tuskaloosa.

31: North Sea Blows

In the sea around Iceland’s core, the German navy, advanced well beyond the triremes Eldjarn commands, seem to be making gains even with less numbers. Spain honestly makes for a nice contrast with Iceland, the former being a theoretically land-based power that still put in research and built a fleet that has allowed them strength beyond their usual means, while Iceland ought to be the great naval force of this region, yet has neglected naval research and is paying a harsh price. Germany may need to mobilise some more units from the North Sea to Helsingborg, but regardless their future looks strong here. In America the sidebar shows us that Tongva and Mississippi have made peace, a war entirely forgotten about; and the top-left gives us a reminder that Hong Xiuquan is at war with 4 civs currently.

Outside of the German state censors (and even then, they can only suppress so much), Wilhelm II was probably amongst the least lauded ‘Immortal Leaders’ by political thinkers. Whilst Wilhelm himself maintains that the root of this enmity lies in his own bodily ‘faults’; the focus of IR scholars is more in his erratic obsessions and aggressions, none perhaps more so than Germany’s North Sea navy, or his precious ‘Hochseeflotte’ if you asked him. Where this focus stemmed is unknown, given the core of his lands lay deep in Central Europe, but a focus it was, and when given the slightest casus belli to utilise it on Iceland following an insignificant fishing skirmish, he made war with glee, interfering with his admirals to add his own little notes and suggestions. Geopolitics, it seems, can occasionally truly be the work of individual personalities just as much as systems here also.

32: Formosan Switcharoos

Not what I expected to be the first city capture of this, but hey, in hindsight it makes sense. It appears the Taiping navy has done well to hold down a majority of Mallaca’s ships on the wrong side of Taiwan, allowing the ships and embarked units in that bubble around Yong’an to focus on Huangmei. A nice reminder that Malacca is not infallible (sorry Orange), but in the long run I’d predict much of this area will be deep blue regardless. A critical element of this, that differentiates this war from so many ‘naval vs land power wars’ is the strategic chip of Ha Noi, which has permitted a reserve of land troops to also engage Taiping’s soft South. Not a massive army, certainly, but vital in intercepting support and, assuming Yong’an falls, preventing endless flipping.

33: Porcelain Towns

Helsingborg, in the course of a single turn, has gone from yellow under Iceland to yellow under Germany. The Faroe Islands may not be a grand prize in themselves, but what this capture suggests going forward is pretty immense, as Germany inches ever closer to the shores of the home island itself. There’s some flip potential, but I’m honestly unsure if triremes and galleasses can achieve that from mid-health now. The Nordic Highlands, then Reykjanesbaer would be my goals. In the sidebar, of perhaps equal note, Lenin has completed the Porcelain Tower in Petrograd, a pretty significant wonder for AI games in it’s bolstering of research agreements, and thus adding bonus ever-important science. The USSR has been flexing it’s production focus lately, going from 0 to 3 wonders in the Renaissance.

When crawling through over 75 years of history and data from every speck of the Cylinder, the Historian found it helpful to retain, and refer to, some fun historical tales as a comforter. One such favourite was found in the cynical story of the Porcelain Towers. The Petrograd Institute of Social Advancement, officially titled, began as a local initiative to provide educational facilities by and for workers of a ceramics plant that reflected the community and was worthy of the civilisation. Lenin is said to have teetered on whether it was ‘too aggrandizing’ for its purpose and worthy of demolition, but found a compromise in advancing it as an example of civic achievement and converting it into a government learning centre. Of course, in doing so the actual ceramic workers, who had built it from the ground up using their time and resources, were quickly congratulated before being sent back to their previous educational centre, a mandated small room in the back of the plant. Some say this experience played a role as Lenin developed ideas of national communitarianism and unity further as industrialisation began to roar, but that would be jumping ahead…

34: Gradual War

Before you ask, I did check and no, Sankara has not joined the coalition against Cleopatra, he’s just taking his troops for a walk. Once more, there’s been some undeniable progress on the cities of Paraitonion and Berenike, and once more despite this they’re frustratingly both still in the green. With Canons inching ever closer to bombardment range, I have to hope that by next slide, the report will be more engaging.

35: Atop the Atlas

Kidal is about as defensible a city as one could hope for, especially from its single-tile southern approach, and I’m not sure Sankara could have ever had a serious change of engaging it just an era back. However, cannons are a major development in siege potential, and while not a quick affair, they do appear to be whitling down Tin Hanan’s final refuge. The queen of the desert has fought a grand fighting retreat, but nearly only ever that, a retreat. The Vandals remain an impressive presence across the North Coast, can’t help but wonder if they’d like to neaten up that coast just a touch more by removing a final off-splotch?

36: Paradox of Choice

Across the Pacific Ring of Fire, you can bet on two occurrences: under-supported Taiping cities, and Malaccan sailors licking their lips at said cities. I’d go so far as to say the best defence they have is genuinely the amount of ripe cities Malacca could split their forces between, slowing down the overall progress on individual cities. That won’t save them however, I suspect with Chengtang, Pukou and Hankou first of all. The Chukchi remain at war with the Heavenly Kingdom, it’s worth remembering during all this, so there could be some potential snipes from the North, though not worth counting on.

37: Sub-Zero Settlement

Nigeria is clearly more scientifically advanced than I realised, having founded a laboratory outpost in the Antarctic developing invisibility! In seriousness though, Ilorin joins the list of vaguely sinister cities amongst the glaciers of the south, and this one is even being provided with a garrison and religious support, how lovely. These dots on the map have a side effect of being picked up in, and maybe even provoking, the oddest international wars, so who knows, perhaps this village will be pivotal to proceedings in the future?

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What was it that propelled the spirit of learning that seemed to permeate Nigerian society throughout its history? It’s own immortal head, Awolowo, could certainly take some credit in his teacherly mannerisms and policies, but one individual can not be the schoolmaster of an entire civilization, no matter how great. As the Historian briefly made mention of the bizarre colony of Ilorin, itself partially a Nigerian study into the effects of prospective settlements in exteme cold weather conditions, they also noticed that this came shortly after the National Research Board had declared a set of ‘Scientific Theory’ principles; the first of any state in the Cylinder to develop empiric study methods. Perhaps, the Historian felt, there wasn’t so much of a cause for Nigeria to excel; instead, put simply and reductively, Nigeria researched because that is what Nigeria does. All it took was one or two generations, under the direct supervision of a dedicated figure, and the cultural raison d'etre was formed. Whatever the case, the Historian grumbled that this was too off-course for their study, and concluded the paragraph with a humorous penguin quip instead.

38: Culture, not Conquest

Old Pauly Pythagoras has quickly interjected this narration with a half-finished Buzzfeed article on ‘the top places YOU’LL be visiting this Autumn’. I honestly don’t get why he still has a VIP room on the sub, Nebby must have bad taste. Anyway, I’m not actually even sure what this list shows, or if it’s broken, as if it’s meant to be showing tourism leaders I’m reliably informed that Mannerheim is leading there by a long stretch. If anyone is aware of what ‘The People We All Like to Visit’ spepcifically shows, please ping ECH in the discord! Whatever it is, Ranjit Singh is allegedly a great host.

39: Questionable Boldness

So, I suppose Cleopatra has a new distraction in the Near East, and a few other places as well. Not exactly the most dire of borders however, a 4 tile channel blocked by Cyrpus, which is ironically split between the two. Unseen here is Rugova’s UA, where Declared Friends of Kosovo join them into war, kicking in, meaning Cleopatra needs to brace for the apocalyptic storm that is… Laos, Bhutan and Northern Yuan!!!!! Yeah, my main guess for this war is the whittling down of both navies in the Eastern Med, a lot of dead embarked troops, and next to no city damage, unless Cleo goes in harder on this that I would predict.

40: Peace in our Thimphu

There was quite a bit of excitement over a capital being in danger when this war began, but Thimphu is not nearly as vulnerable as the previously lost Bhutanese cities, and the Himalayas provide much in the way of defence and production, which is especially useful as Wangchuck weans off of his early game UU. With the front having become a bloody grind of musketmen and crossbows, peace between Pubjab and Bhutan is likely best for both sides. The Chola-Laos war is progressing about as expected, with Loas pouncing on a lack of troops near Uraiyur to raid two of the 3 citadels defending it.

41: Kurdish Dawn

Here’s a great shot of the Kurdish core, something unseen in quite a while, that really highlights both the lows and highs of their current position. It can’t go unnoticed that Barzani seems a bit slower to reach some important techs, still rocking composite bowmen and trebuchets as some neighbours pour in cannon and crossbows. You can also really see their predilection for ranged units, which makes sense given their UA. However, what Kurdistan does have right now, is options

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It’s hard for any mortal presence to get close with the immortal leaders, but from what data and assessments the Historian has on hand, it always seemed like Barzani was among the most jubilant and determined by his nations continued presence, and consistently drove to nail this sentiment in. Not a record goes by without a grand speech or promise of national sovereignty, with no clue to where this drive for security emerged from, not unlike Wilhelms fleet obsession or Ho Chi Minhs collectivism. Whatever it was, the Historian didn’t believe in shying away from them, even if certain authorities preferred to tiptoe around mentioning, and thus potentially offending, these unparalleled leaders.

42: A Fading

I’m not the only one quite saddened by these slides, am I? From the start Tin Hanan was ranked at near rock bottom, but she has persisted with an admirable spirit of resistance to Sankara’s imperial ways and made some fun moves along the way. It would feel more suitable for the final demise to come in a glorious charge across the desert, but instead its coming through a prolonged siege, cannonball by cannonball. Sankara has 3 melee troops behind the lines ready to approach when the health is gone, though I wouldn’t count on the AI to realise that. Is there one last miracle up the Tuaregs sleeve?

43: Shikoku: Relevant?

Pukou is the first city to get targeted to yellow here, and with more frigates arriving I can easily see falling soon. I wonder what aura is driving Malacca to that island first, some residual spirit of immortality not unlike their leader Mansur Shah that haunts the environment of Shikoku? Nah, that sounds dumb! I fear Taiping may have their priorities off if they’ve been damaging Ilan Hala instead of putting everything on defence, it must be said. To the East, we can see that Yehuh has fallen, solidifying Chukchi Alaska and begging the question of where they devote those siege veterans next?

44: Daring a Jab

Spain is not looking too bad in this stage of the Spanish-Gaul war, having snatched Vesontio and bringing the Cornish town of Divodorum Mediomatricorum (Divy Med if you’re local) to red. I can’t help but feel these present too successful a picture for Carlos own good however, painting over the cracks that form ever larger. They have 10 boats left on this slide, and the Irish campaign has stalled entirely, and while Barcelona remains untouched, that seems more a choice of Vercingetorix than anything else.

45: Real Estate Speculation

Oh Jeez, here they are! I noticed in the table of city founding’s that Jan Coen had apparently founded two new cities on turn 269, but couldn’t find them on any map or slide thus far. No wonder, being situated on the IRL territories of Heard Island and McDonald Islands and the French Southern and Antarctic Lands (where Google Maps shows there’s apparently a bed and breakfast called Shebab's Palace, for all you post-Covid travel planners). Given there’s 3 trade ships on this slide, expanding trade reach appears to be one aim of these cities, and perhaps the only major benefit.

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In contrast to the vast majority of cultures, expansion never came naturally to the national culture of the VOC, with their semi-uniquely bureaucratic and oligarchal society, run more by boards and committees than ever-demanding autocracy or aristocracy. It’s for this reason so many commentators, and later historians, were confused by the decision to send colonial expeditions into the wastes of the South Indian Ocean. In fact, and this made the Historian grin, the real reason was genuinely assumed to be a joke for decades, until a bold investigation (externally, as Jan Coen clearly didn’t desire it) confirmed it as what actually happened: during a gala, a land surveyor was loudly chatting about some unclaimed ice islands far to the South, which Coen misheard as ‘unclaimed spice islands’. No-one saw fit to re-educate the Director when he then proclaimed the settlement of them, and it’s only when he arrived to cut the ribbon on a new city hall he realised the error of his judgement, arriving on a small frozen rock. His boat immediately turned around, never to return if he could.

46: The Walls…

While it must be noted that the Ptolemies have finally got an army down to defend, our PR number 1 civ Zaire has also gotten Berenike to red at last. It will undoubtedly flip a good number of times, and probably left a charred near-ruin by the end, especially with Zaire coming before Cleo in the ID (I believe). However, with that many canons Mobutu can keep it black and thin his enemies, while Nigeria appears to be shifting troops towards Berenike to help.

47: …Come Crashing Down

And there we go! Berenike goes to Zaire while Nigeria brings Paraitonion to yellow at last. Not much else has changed in one turn, but this shot does better emphasise the lack of relief forces in the Western Egyptian domains; Berenike may flip, but Nigeria will not have the same issues. Taking these cities would, however, create a lot of borderland with Sankara, that’s a risk…

48: Cyprus Sentries

On the other side of the Ptolemies’ wars, the Kosovan conflict seems as much of a stalemate as one could expect. Kosovan forces that try and move past Cyprus are swarmed, whilst vice versa Ptolemaic forces that move past Cyprus are shot down. No, the vital development of this slide, as so often, is the sidebar, as we see Peter Stuyvesant call a war with the Mississippi. That’s certainly a choice for New Netherland, I guess they want to make sure their UU gets used while relevant still, but given the difficulty of crossing the Appalachians, I’m not sure this was the most pragmatic decision.

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Some mines and an ultimately minor trading port. That, officially speaking, is what provoked the War of Cyprus as Ibrahim Rugova asserted the right for the islands more populated Western side to have full territorial rights to the mineral rich Eastern side. However, no scholar in their right minds would take this casus belli at face value, and certainly neither would the Historians great writings either. No, this was a deeper war, a war of re-establishing legitimacy in the international community. After the Kosovan Dark Age began with the plunder of their capital by Sicilian forces, there existed a pathological aura of defeat across the nation, that even the inspirational Rugova could not overturn. When you’re destined for death, why hold hope for the nation? However, the failed German offensive in the decade prior to this war saw international shock and renewed hope amongst the population, giving smart observers like Rugova an idea. When you’re on top, a stalemate war may seem disastrous, but when you’re an underdog, it promotes a sense of equivalency with the great power you’re sparring, while also promoting leadership as brave against tyrannical enemies. So a few army modernisation directives later, and seeing their neighbour distracted in Africa, Kosovo pulled their Cypriot card to declare war. Objectively, this is nonsense, but in politics what use is objectivity?

49: The Natural Beachhead

You didn’t accidentally hit a button and go back an episode, Al-Jumum has fallen to naval invasion again. I suppose it’s just natural given its placement outward facing the Indian Ocean, in fact I’m pretty certain similar cities in this area have seen the exact same thing in previous marks, Oman for instance. I’d say Hejaz has the capability to keep flip it back with its army, but honestly the situation seems more tenuous than when Malacca struck, with so much production taken by the Ptolemies and Chola having a closer core, alongside a distraction target with Thiruvarur. Duba and Tayma seem easy targets with less flippability also, should Chola go for them.

50: High-Risk Investment

Seeing the ground strategy New Netherlands is taking for the first time, can’t say I’m impressed. I’m assuming the plan is to hold Kandoucho while sending a quick siege detachment to Holly Bluff, but the former is far more vulnerable than the latter, and Peter doesn’t have nearly enough troops in the southern front. This war could have had great potential while Rio Grande was attacking, but now it’s just not making sense, unless there’s some unseen army heading to Holly Bluff not visible on this slide?

51: Rewind Time!

Really not sure what Kublai Khan expected here, having once again settled Xian in that exact spot and moving his entire army back to the capital. It’s bizarre since the Yuan army appears strong enough to hold the line, and so many other cities are given a defence, but not this one. Let’s just hope losing so many cities to Malacca helps Taiping keep it this time, giving a clear approach to Liaoyang.

52: Entering Open Doors

Confused deer now run the Faroe Islands with Helsingborg erased from the map, although the German settler coming along with the fleet may solve that issue. Wilhelm has frankly exceeded my expectations in terms of reinforcing the campaign here, and although Iceland has a much better naval composition now (likely due to Germany sinking the triremes) the next two cities are already damaged, complete with artillery in the case of Gardabaer, and likely to fall if the war keeps going. Elsewhere we see news that will make all the Dutch fans happy as Thanadelthur joins them into war against the Mississippi, likely a continuation of the previous struggle for Kincaid. While a pincer move can be effective, I’m not sure either party here have the advantage, especially based on what was seen of the Dene before, but let’s wait and see.

53: Pearl River Glimmer

Has it been mentioned that Malacca is damn competent? Because they seem super good from here, having done what so many AI’s don’t do and actually blocking off Taiping troops from flipping the city back immediately. With a good number of fresh reinforcements embarked also, the prospect of a landlocked Taiping becomes ever closer to reality. Obviously, the fall of Chengtang helps also, freeing up those naval forces to attack the Japanese cities of Taiping or Anqing.

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The Historian never cared much for military history, often finding the field dominated by altogether too much pop history and obsessive, intense younger voices with slightly discomforting political outlooks, all of whom seemed to consider political and cultural history an unimportant backdrop to discussing which regiment of Zanzibar’s army had the better gun sight. Despite this, even they could not help but admire the organization and strategy achieved by Mansur Shah during the taking of Yong’an. A full blockade, insertion units sent to ward off counter-siege forces, precise artillery from frigates 50km away, diversionary AND preparatory skirmishing at Anqing; simply a masterpiece of military planning. Shame it fell far from the Historians remit.

54: Kick While They’re Down

I said earlier that Kurdistan had a good number of options available to them, and I suppose this is far from the worst: piling in on a regional underdog while they’re struggling with another power. The Kurds face a narrow avenue of access and a pretty high-strength city in Rabigh, but would still have to do very badly to not take it from sheer numbers alone. Perhaps the longer-scope question if whether Kurdistan will, and whether it should, send troops towards Yanbu after taking Rabigh, which could stretch the empire badly. Raja Raja I has lost Al Jamum, but definitely has the navy to take it back if invested, especially as Hussein wastes lives on Thiruvarur still.

55: Spite is a Powerful Motivator

Knew I’d get my favourite motivational quote in here somehow. You’re reading the sidebar correctly, Vietnam, which to my knowledge is currently just a worker unit floating in Southeast Asian waters, has declared war on Taiping. I knew they were losing cities, but not that badly! Anyway, the actual focus of this slide is the Northwest of the Americas. where the Chukchi have consolidated Alaska and seem to have slowed down their invasion, maybe for the best if forces were drained.

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The ‘Workers Flotilla’ remains a particularly enduring image of determination and national struggle, a detachment of fishing workers and joining refugees who refused to recognise surrender to Laos and, deprived of their immortal leader (unseen since the fall of Sai Gon), attempted to continue communal decision-making and assert sovereignty. To this end, they boldly agreed to declare war on the Heavenly Kingdom to the North, it’s said seeking favour with the Malaccan officials whose waters they frequently skirted. Perhaps one day, they could storm a city themselves and re-establish a Vietnamese peoples state?! The naivete provoked a quick sad smile on the weary face of the Historian, that flashed away just as quick. “Better keep an eye out for them.”

56: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/416378745646219276/445057042399625217/unknown.png

This is just sad to see, things being put back where they were when this started, only with both sides, and especially Spain, diminished heavily. Samarobriva can be taken again, but really, Carlos needs to take peace if and when he can, since this is not a sustainable conflict. While on the topic of regional losers, the sidebar shows Zanzibar make a smart move and attack perhaps the only civ they can both beat and reasonably handle close to their core by declaring on Hejaz. If they’ve managed to upgrade their navy to Renaissance standards at least by now, then they probably have a good shot at conquering Socotra and the Horn, representing a roughly 33% expansion of their realm. Useless cities, mind, but still!

57: Kill Kincaid

Unsuprisingly, this conflict looks very familiar to the last conflict, with the Dene surrounding Kincaid quickly, but for some reason not mobilising their Hudson Bay fleet for the one purpose it could have in bringing down Boyd Mounds and Cloverdale (love the fact the Mississippi have cities named like care homes). The distractions of the East coast seem to have prevented relief forces being sent up this time, so when Kincaid falls its much less likely to return to the Mississippi this time around.

58: A Transatlantic Cruise

It’s not every CBR where a civ from Tunis declaring war with a civ from New York would be considered a real conflict, but in this case the Vandals declaring on New Netherlands does. Genseric may not have the largest navy, but it’s current to the era and has focused on Kievtis Hoel, bring it to yellow in the turn of declaration. I think it ould go either way as to whether it gets taken and remains Vandal, or the raiders get beaten back, depending greatly on the quality of response from Stuyvesant. Galleasses will not cut it.

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Kievtis Hoek was a bustling port city, often considered a gateway between the Atlantic and ‘Caraïbisch’ regions of the Dutch domains, housing customs offices and trading charter headquarters amongst the common fishermen and dock workers. Historical legend says that the port was so much of a cosmopolitan hub before 1818 that when watchposts first saw the Vandals make an approach, they notified the guildmaster that a trade delegation must have been scheduled and forgotten about, instead of assuming any military intent. Whether true or not, the guildmaster was by the docks on the day of the war declaration and was one of the first casualties when a canon struck a gunpowder depot in the harbour. Going forward, this day in Kievtis Hoek will live in cultural infamy as a byword for a shocking sudden attack, it’s imagery and tropes regurgitated through even the most fantastical of literature, in that odd unconscious ideas spread.

59: Ebb and Flow

This slide may theoretically show good developments for Cleopatra, its helpful to think of wars across large fronts and cities like this like a tide coming in: it may go back out to the sea after every wave, but then a wave crashes in again, and its only in the long term you see the wholistic change. As busy with blue as the desert may be, the Ptolemies forces are not actually all that large, and both frontline cities seem set to fall again. What’s less good for the top dog Zaire is that Awolowo will probably take Berenike at present, so hopefully they have mutual open borders rather than just Nigeria.

60: Shandong Wrongs

Seeing this slide, you’d have no clue Hong Xiaquan had just lost a 16 pop city, based on the minimap. Xian has fallen, leaving the next stage of the war to be a long, grueling fight into the core of Yuan, with both sides sporting sizable armies. There is perhaps some silver lining for Kublai Khan, as Hetu Ala received damage again. Nurhaci escaped death last time, and following Final Destination rules that means they need to receive a brutal and increasingly mean-spirited/comedic actual death depending on where in the sequels this is.

61: What a Kancoucho Move

That risk I discussed earlier doesn’t seem to be paying off, as Kandoucho falls to Tuskaloosa without any sign of advancement towards Holly Bluff. The city is on such a consistent frontline that I can see it going back and forth for a while, but on the whole I’m pretty sure this whole venture will be a misplay for the beaver bois, even if the Dene get some gains from it. On that note, the top-left leader summary gives me a reminder that the Dene remain at war with Iceland as well, which may be the root of some of their confusing behaviour in the icy North, where the colonies sit.

62: Priorities

Chengtang flips, but has no chance in the long run of staying jade green. More intriguing is the situation in Yong’an I assumed the scope of this war would always necessarily be on the coast of China and any other Pacific holdings, given Malacca’s central naval focus, but as my dad always say, assumptions make an ass of ‘u’ and me. With Yong’an fairly secure, and ground forces including 3 cannons rolling in, a quick push for Jintian isn’t out of the question, which would open a valuable gateway into the core of East Asia internally, as well as coastally. However, on the flip side, my spiel about the potential grind of the Taiping-Yuan war was clearly telepathically communicated as peace has been smartly made between the two claimaints of China, both likely having bigger priorities than shedding a lot of blood for nothing. Previous sides have already highlighted the fairly impressive troop count just barely visible here on the Northern border, who must now beat a quick march to defend the heartland.

63: Don’t Bottle This

Thanadelthur, in news that will come as a relief to disheartened Dutch in the East, has begun a secondary front to take the newly surrounded Bottle Creek, partially thanks to a cheeky citadel set up only 5 turns ago. Will it succeed? Well, nah, probably not, Tuskaloosa has splurged on muskets in the area and there’s only really 4 units able to attack it as of now, but at least it’s a pressing diversion that helps guarantee the siege of Kincaid comes to full fruition this time.

64: A Cape of Little Hope

This scan of Africa’s southern tip given us a full perspective on the newly ensured rump whose descent permitted Zaire to rise to first place (for all the good that’s done them): Namibia. Already they are looking woefully outdated, sporting even a chariot in the compact remnants of land they hold, and they’ll likely only keep getting further behind their peers, which is an especially bad position when your larger remaining city is coastal. Very vulnerable, but I suppose there’s a certain air of suitability, given the leader history and the defensive civ uniques (as useless as they are now). In a way, Namibia’s current weakness helps hide their neighbour, Lesotho’s, relative underperformance so far as well. Moshoeshoe may well end up reclaiming his lost city of Butha-Buthe and finish off Morenga, but we’ve seen so many times in the CBR where these vainglorious triumphs precede a swift retribution from some higher power taking advantage of diplomatic penalties and weakened forces (although, if that would happen eventually anyway, you could argue the legacy of killing a rival off is worth it).

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Analysis of Namibia, and Jacob Morenga’s actions as leader, really begs a deeper question to the entire field of cultural interpretations of politics: can ‘heroic resistance’ be categorized as a central, permanent policy platform? In the cases of civs like the Neutrals and Tueregs of this era, you can at least argue they’ve been placed into this cultural aura by the wear of time, and had separate features beforehand. Namibia’s entire history seems bound up in some striking spirit of defiance, a ceaseless state of underdog-hood: from the way troops are trained to the stories told to toddlers. The obvious problem, taking this thought experiment and assumption to its conclusion, being: if Namibians and their planning is set around majestic, but futile, defensiveness, what options do they have for true longevity?

65: Ash and Sand

In one fell swoop, both long-standing targets of the Sahara War fall to Nigeria and are put to flame! What exactly has all the fighting here this episode been for then? Who knows, certainly not long-term gains, at least for Awolowo. Berenike will likely flip back to Cleo given turn order and a melee unit with ranged support nearby, but Paraitonion is - badly burnt - toast. As for the state of the war overall, it’s in a critically uncertain point: there’s defininitely been a good amount of troops from Arabia arriving to Zaire’s East, and if they’re not careful I could see a pincer form. On the other hand, Nigeria has a free hand to deal their troops as they please to an extent: move them to help Mobutu; clear out enemy forces, or rush for the relatively undefended cities in the Ptolemaic West.

66: The Yellow Tide

You recall the ‘tide’ theory of Civ warfare mentioned earlier? Well, here’s another, more literal example, as the Chola ‘tide’ washes in and out of Al Jumum, only this time around I’d argue the Hejaz core is beginning to reach a point of depletion where these waves could end up reaching a permanent change, albeit with a good more number of captures and recaptures. A capture of Ta’if would go a long way towards this as well, breaking the back of their largest city and splitting the counter-capture melee units. Throw in Kurdistans seemingly slow but meaningful attacks as well, and, sad to say as someone into the history of the Hashemite dynasty, it looks like they may have officially reached ‘rump’ status.

67: German Towel Placing

Three turns onwards, and the fall of Gardabaer is fairly inevitable. Wilhelm has impressively managed to especially ensure this with the convoy of land units to the Highlands alongside naval dominance, not unlike Malacca but without a pre-conquered city to launch from. A bit early for the Germans to be developing combined arms theory, surely?

68: Shhhhh

Below the noses of William Barak, the listening post of Lindi is run by Zanzibar of all civs. Even in the endgame with Future Era improvements, I have to wonder if two-tile snow outposts like these do end uppaying off their investment and science setbacks, especially for a civ already behind. Meanwhile, the sidebar notifies us that the Northern Yuan and Ptolemies have made peace, a development which on the face joins a pile of meaningless announcements I’ve mostly selected to ignore (I waffle enough already) but is actually somewhat relevant, as Mandukhai was one of several civs brought into war by Kosovo, informing us for the future that an eternal rule of Civ 5 remains in place: you can buy or negotiate an AI into war, but without their own warped sense of reasoning on board, you cannot trust them to really support you.

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In qualitative assessments of the civilizations that walked the earth in this era, it’s frankly a cliche at this point to hear words like ‘shrewd’ and ‘crafty’ with the policies of Barghash bin Said. ‘Or just good at playing to those tropes’ thought the Historian, feeling cheeky yet truthful at the same time. Lindi being yet another great example: advocates of his rule will testify it’s role as a crucial listening post on the actions of a major power, but in reality it seemed to be a pointless expenditure that didn’t even track a well-used waterway, and mainly observed a power too far away for Zanzibar to ever actually interact with much. It’s a front more than anything, a way for Said to show activity when he didn’t really have any viable paths forward. Hey, alternatively perhaps he was just an early believer in the ridiculous theories of otherworldly lights and signals originating behind the ice, what a laugh that would be!!

69: Starboard, Portmore

Oh my, big news: Mississippi and Marajoara declaring peace! What shockwaves this shall send!!! Oh, and Bolivar has declared on Stuyvesant as well, I suppose… In all seriousness, this is by no means a risk-free manoeuvre, as New Netherland have shown some naval acumen in the past and control key Cuban waterways. However, the Columbian forces seem much more prepared here, with the self-afflicted Mississippi distraction really not helping. I’d say Portmore is in Columbian hands, Bolivar really wanting to cement some revenge against Garvey clearly, but taking anything from the well-garrisoned isle of Cuba is a whole other matter with significantly more investment. Fun Civ 5 fact: citadels do apparently damage naval units as well, my minute of research states, so expect that citadel to earn it’s keep (badum tish).

70: For Frig-ates Sake

Malacca has brought 9 frigate units (three frigate armadas by Civ 6 rules) to flex on the remaining non-mainland holdings of Taiping, perhaps hoping Civ 5 has some underutilised intimidation/surrender mechanic for cities shelled into submission. Frigates at this stage are about as advanced and powerful as you get, so I expect these last dregs of a Chinese fleet to be mopped up over time. One small problem has manifested for Mallacca however: the Chukchi UA, eating into key waterways yet again and, unless Lawtiliwadlin and Mansur Shah have an as-yet-unseen open border agreement, blocking Songjiang and almost Pukou from capture. The mainland campaign continues swimmingly however, with Anqing in the red and nearly devoid of reinforcement. Finally, the Olmecs swap out war with Peter for war with Solano. In fact, over the next 2 turns 2 civs will peace with them (NN and Tongva) while 4 declare war (Palmeres, Paraguay, Hawaii and Japan); frankly I don’t see any mattering, so I’ll get this out of the way here and now.

71: The Scenic Route

Flipping back to Hejaz, I’m ashamed to say I’ve only know noticed Kurdistans open borders deal with Cleopatra being used to such a strategic extent. It may not be the most focused route, but it’s better overall than the ‘cross 75% of the army across the Arabian Gulf’ plan I assumed they would pick. And really, with Hejaz this is all pressure of a shaky bridge currently. Laos makes peace with the Ptolemies, another of Kosovo’s coalition really showing that UA’s worth in the AI’s hands. For those wondering, Lenin has finished up another fairly advantageous scientific wonder, building the Wat Phra Kaew along the river in Danzig, which simply adds +1 science to every religious building in the empire. Perhaps a bit of a thematic mismatch with Lenin, but hey, science is a lifeblood in Civ 5.

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The Soviet Union had been long founded with a comparative distance from faith-making, largely balancing a fine line between mild condemnation and indifference. Starting in the early 1800’s however, Lenin began to ponder on the effects and potential of early industrial developments on the state he oversaw, Between booming population growth, urban migration collecting people together like never before, mass media developments and commercialism unleashed; the Premier determined the need to harness the social power available to deliver a vision of unity, collating a comprehensive political vision through a clear united set of policies the nation would unite around. Danzig became a particular obsession of his, for threefold reasons: it’s booming growth that saw it overtake Moscow with a population metrix of 30; it’s cultural mishmash as a former Tueton possession, which threatened it’s sense of stability and unity; and lastly it’s especially Lutheran nature, which could lead it to rebel against the atheistic state. With all this in mind, Lenin founded in 1824 the ‘Bureau of Soviet Science’, with a grand facility in Danzig’s center, conveniently dwarfing the Lutheran Pagoda opposite. More importantly however, from here all religious services in the Union would be approved and directed at a top level; with ever increasing requirements as decades passed to ‘ensure civic education’, then ‘advancement’, and later still ‘unity’. Between this and his Porcelain Towers, the clues for Lenins later ‘projects’ seem obvious.

72: DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE

I don’t mean to show bias in this narration, but goddamn was I and seemingly everyone else ready for them to bite the dust in the last episode. Nurhaci, you would’ve received a nice eulogy and a place amongst the admired first elimination episode victims, not… this pathetic display. No walking away limping this time, as Hetu Ala is brought to lower yellow. Besides the hanger-on, we can see Hong Xiaquan, in his infinite heavenly wisdom, waste precious melee units that could be placed to recapture cities dying in Southern Korea.

73: Competency

Kincaid is still green, Bottle Creek seems reinforced from here, and in Hudson Bay the Mississippi are somehow closer to taking Gameti than Kincaid falling to the Dene. All-in-all, a tighter focus and better siege work on Kincaid could go a long way right now. The Dene had a pretty poor reputation when this mark started as pacifistic musicians, and if this is the quality of warfare to expect, I can perhaps see why. More Olmec deals roll in, each being ignorable as they aren’t Rio Grande or Bolivar, to be blunt about the truth.

74: Dari Girls

Darioritum adds another production centre in Ireland for the Gaul’s, which doesn’t feel too significant at 1 pop but over time will ensure a decisive advantage in the regional balance of power here, even if Vercingetorix never ends up taking Valencia or Murcia. Also adds another defensive bombardment to the island, likely killing any real chance of a home-grown army taking Casnewydd once and for all. Gauls Cornish city could fall this turn, but the turn of the war broadly seems in the favour of France.

75: The Pyre

Gardabaer lights the grey highland skies alight in orange and black as it’s set ablaze by German sailors. The land forces may have been dispersed, but I don’t see a galleass and a half-dead pikeman storming back the city in the next turn, and even then, it would undoubtedly flip back. The pride of Nordic Britain will be a pile of ashes, only maybe resettled by its destroyers, who can now confidently target Iceland (the island) itself. Greenland and the wastes of North Quebec can serve as a refuge, but they’re certainly not places of prosperity, so Eldjarn better be hoping for a cod-scented miracle about now.

76: A Polite and Proper F

Let us be civilized now, for a member of this community has ‘departed’, regardless of any frustration over their pre-death proceedings. The Manchu were not dissimilar to Vietnam, in that they found a rival early into the mark with Yuan, and due to single-minded grinding wars with said rival found themselves suddenly and irreversibly short of original expansion opportunities. Perhaps the biggest variation between Ho Chi Minh and Nurhaci is the necessity of this course, as harsh as it is to say. Vietnam was quite naturally pushed with their backs against a coast and by virtue of capital positioning was bound to fight Laos. The Manchu may have still be close to the Yuan right away, but was intended to have plenty of Northeastern Siberian terrain to forge a destiny on, but in an underappreciated twist, Japan arrived first and despite expectations has yet to be shaken off. This hurt the Manchu’s chances badly, leaving conquest their best chance, but this too was undermined by the powerful UA sieging and carpet making of the Yuan. Pushed back into simply Korea and the pocket around their capital, a demise was inevitable, but piecemeal between their assorted foes. By all accounts, they should have died last episode, but were given a reprieve to shoot them up a spot or two. So everyone, give an F for the empire that just couldn’t, the Manchu.

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The siege and ultimate conquest of Hetu Ala was not to be marked with jubilation and parades like Mukden’s, as perhaps some had expected decades back. You see, they expected celebration THEN, decades back, and yet it hadn’t manifested. This wasn’t now a valiant surpassing of an enemy cowering in defeat, but a miserable slaughter of young remnants, resigned to death as their ancestors had in the first siege. Rather than glorious, it was just a sad waste, with so many Yuan bodies fertilising the fields or padding the beaches of Korea, all for a burnt out shell of a city that everyone in Yuan knew ought to have been theirs long ago. Many died, few cared, and some commanders quietly received some new banners signifying courage.

77: The Soviet Brotherhood

Lower those F’s, as it’s time for the birth of something new: it’s the first ideology of CBRX2, and naturally it’s our most ideological of leaders, Lenin, extolling the virtues of unity, brotherhood and the state: yep, he chose autocracy! Wait, hang on a sec… oh dear, hope this doesn’t affect the comments. Please be kind to one another folks. For future reference, you can note the ideology of each leader from their leaderscreen in the top-left once they have one, autocracy being the sword icon. As funny as this ideology choice is, it does as always make sense in the context of a Battle Royale, as AI’s recognise domination as the only victory path and will thus choose the most militant policy paths usually. Just this one I’ll note the specific choices, as Lenin selected Autocracy for Elite Forces, Mobilization, Total War and United Front. On right, there’s a slide here as well. Portmore has received early damage, but I’d wager the current mission is smiting all enemy units defending the city. The unescorted knight strategy is a bold one however, if I may say. Taiping receives the slightest relief as the Chukchi sign a peace deal, essentially just removing an unpleasant distraction.

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For a scholar of ideas and their effects on reality, ideology stood as a monolith, demanding attention with justification. Some fools saw ideology as a death of the Enlightenment; but the Historian saw them as natural culminations. Rapid and radical changes to lifestyles and thought itself naturally requires a whole-scale reevaluation of societal leadership, responding to the dynamics in flux and opportunities presented.

Academic consensus has placed Premier Lenin’s ‘Brotherhood Ordinances’ in 1828 as the wellspring of ideology being endorsed fully by a Cylinder’s government, following up on many of the ideals of the Bureau of Soviet Science. Decrying ‘weakening bonds in the social fabric of our Empire’, the Ordinances proclaimed what they described as ‘a glorious future under the stern grip of unflinching Autocracy’. Smartly, Lenin had been steering leadership positions across the army since 1820 (what fool would just purge all the officers at once?!) and began the first day of the Ordinances by making a show of rushing scheduled executions, a gesture broadly popular with the masses enough to miss the seizure of printing presses across the major cities of the Empire. On the second day, non-government press was officially banned, alongside a number of assembly and individual rights. Protests were attempted, but a masterwork of military innovations regarding mobilisation and training dispersed movements quickly. A dam had burst, and the Cylinder would soon enough be filled with swimmers or the drowned...

78: Reinforcement

This unorthodox shot of a much-seen conflict does well to highlight the inland depth and population of the Heavenly Kingdom, worth bearing in mind as the coast slips one city after another. Free from war with both Yuan and Chukchi now, the army of the Northern front has quickly diminished that earlier potential ambition Malacca had of snatching Jintian, although a push to retake Yong’an is equally unlikely, while around the vulnerable Anqing they seem to be neglecting melee units.

79: Backfired

Oh boy, that whole RP tangent I had about stalemates being an alright conclusion for Kosovo will date pretty fast if this keeps up. Not to blame the civ here, but I presumed the two tiles of access Cyprus permitted would make it a hard barrier for progress from either side. Kosovo do have a number of cannons, but are strategically choosing to hide these critical weapons secrets hidden from their enemy, for reasons we may never quite understand. Still, Mitrovice is a 1-coast-tile city with plenty of defenders, Rugova can’t mess up that badly.

80: Equivalent Threat

Perm swaps out their ‘funky but impossible war’ contract from a Punjab to Japanese model, assuredly stirring minimal emotion for much of anyone. Unbeknownst to them however, Japan came preloaded with a side of PARG! Yep, the great Ural death grind can recommence, likely to similar results as the first 7 times, if I had to wager. On the ground here, Nigeria looks simply confused as to what they’re doing at present, riding troops into the centre of multiple city attacks and not really targeting a single one. The Zaire front looks similarly stagnant, not great signs for two rising stars of this mark.

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How many Nigerian soldiers had the Sahara as their grave, the Historian had to wonder. The events of their life made it odd for them to consider themselves a true patriot of Nigeria, but conversely, to suffer through everything they had and still fight for some notion of Nigerian hope, rather than flee to exile like so many peers, did perhaps require some deep-planted love for a nation. What a distraction, the time for this pondering will be later, anyway...

81: Seaboard Strategems

In some good news for citizens of the CBR’s Eastern Seaboard, I don’t see this push from the Vandal-Bermuda navy making any progress on their cities, if they even get through the defending naval forces. Simply too few ships and enough city attacks + ranged support as needed. Seeing the Marojoara boast frigates in their Northern venture stolen off the Mississippi leaves me fairly convinced the Cylinder as a whole is undergoing another naval shift, where to be on the cutting edge requires them. In other good news for them, Kandoucho appears to be in Dutch hands again, although from this angle it’s difficult to judge the stability there.

82: The PR Curse Strikes Again!

OK, so the Berenike front turns out to not be merely stagnant, but actively reversed. I’m right in thinking this whole situation is bizarre, right?! Both Zaire and Nigeria have abundant troop reserves they seem to be sitting back for no apparent reason, and despite having more than enough to make strong pushes on cities in Egypt and Libya, have vaguely shuffled around instead, losing troops and now perhaps cities! That top spot is cursed, at least in the early-to-mid game, I swear.

83: Baja Beach Bash

The Yuan declaration of war last slide may have been a hint of a brewing storm, but that’s truly erupted this turn as Rosillo, high off the victory at Saltillo, swerves West and South to the largely unchallenged Tongva lands. I suspect the real main target of this war is that single Tongva city in Mexico, which once taken will leave a tidy swath of land from Alabama to the Yucatan; but breaking through into California is just as valuable a goal in the long term, should they be able to. I have to say however, the naval comparison from this perspective looks fairly bad for Rio Grande, although there may be more of a Mexican fleet below the frame.

84: The RED Fort

Ideologies are like buses, you wait all game for the first one and then two come at once (well, unless you’re the Iroquois last game apparently). The second ideologue of CBRX2 is in fact our PR winner, Mobutu, who in a bit of a surprise has chosen Order! Yeah, real sense of irony in this game so far. Order isn’t uncommon necessarily, as it does provide some direct military buffs still, alongside science and production, but expect it to be generally on the less popular side long-term, and perhaps trigger discontent in some civs. On the other hand, Seko does WANT denouncements, right?! In a fairly hilarious gesture, Zaire also finished up the Red Fort this exact turn, which beyond being an enduring symbol of socialism on the Cylinder comes at a pretty critical time, biffing all defence building sin the empire by 25%

Another major development in last slides Tongva war: the Chukchi joined Rio Grande. Will they commit to this, essentially bypassing Chinook territory to skip down to Venice Beach? I doubt it, and in fact think they’ve just unleashed more naval opposition down the Western coast of North America, but I appreciate the aspiration on display here, and there may be more chinks in the armour of California than realised. Oh and the slide well you get the drill here. Spain desperately scrambles, flips cities, and is running low on everything.

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Mobutu Sese Seko would never be thought of as the greatest immortal leader of the Cylinder, unless perhaps he was the last left, and then still only perhaps. Perhaps this was a harsh assessment, especially in light of Zaire’s consistent growth, but the common saying amongst scholars of other nations was that success occurred ‘in spite of, not due to, the leopard-skin toque’. His erratic demands, blatant corruption and seemingly deliberate diplomatic failure earned the Zairan government a status of ‘kleptocracy’ often… and yet life moved on.

It is perhaps this dynamic that led Seko towards a certain brand of proto-socialist branding, rather than any other avenue. Where liberalism required transparency, and autocracy demanded authority/results, with a certain oblique framing of its intellectual roots, a highly authoritarian brand of socialism could be sought that offered no view of government, but kept in place the conditions for some governance and maintenance to be shifted down the chain, alongside an open multinational culture demanded by the realities of military ventures on this continent. And as life after life was wasted away to the North, this doctrine of thought placed a thoroughly communal, rather than top-down, burden on loss. Those who had died so far were sadly not working as one, while future deaths could be sabotaged by ideological traitors. What genius, and labeled ‘Patriotic War’ also!

85: Ural Wonderful

We haven’t been here this episode yet, but it’s become something of a familiar vista over the course of many a mark. As always, we must consider whether the technological advantage of PARG is enough to this time overcome the disadvantage of crawling through a few rough terrain 1 tile gaps in the Ural Mountain range. This time: perhaps? Perm is to an extent a defensive civ by nature, with it’s outdated UU being explicitly designed for home defence helping make up the gap. While PARG muskets will win in the long run, some investment in modern ranged, and especially artillery, equipment would probably make more of a difference.

86: Starve Them Out

It has only now come to my attention just how much the Chukchi UA has once again come into play, now entirely cutting off Pukou entirely. If they want Songjiang, they better be prepared to bombard it at range and land a melee unit directly, rather than relying on the Jongs to solve it.

87: Empty Pockets Fill Quick

I am led to believe the open borders agreement with Cleopatra ran out, given the lack of any troops in those lands now. In a sense, this has worked out well for Barzani however, as this has shunted all his troops cohesively into the area around the IRL Gulf states, united in attacking Hejaz (so far). The Arabian Gulf is also sporting a key unit in the form of a settler, perhaps planning to plop itself down in the space left after Badr was razed, which if done would provide a key base of operations against Hejaz, but also a potential trigger for war with the Ptolemies. Grabbing that Hejazi citadel would be an extra pinch of cheeky. Rabigh seems to be slowly declining, although you can’t help but hope for more drastic progress.

88: Behind the Congo Curtain

Oh dear, this isn’t the most ideal of looks. An examination of the Zaire core shows plenty of well-developed cities, no doubt, but a distinct lack of additional reinforcements for the most part, outside of the Northern additions. It must be noted that this civ has been in a significant war for a while now, so some depletion ought to be expected, but this is perhaps a tad too much for comfort. The optimal time to pull the plug on this war and rebuild may have passed a while back, frankly.

EDIT: So it turns out peace between Zaire and the Ptolemies’ was declared this turn, and the sidebar just didn’t feel like showing it off, wonderful. Ignore my prophecies of doom, the time to rebuild is in fact now!

89: The Intellectual Coup

Sign us up for a hat trick, it’s the third ideology of the game, in their introductory episode. Nice sign that tech levels seem broadly level amongst some leaders, if I had to guess. The third civ to take up an ideological disposition is Nigeria, with Awolowo joining Lenin into the wonders of Autocracy. A logical choice for this game from a logical leader.

This slide also shows the opening moves of the recently declared California War, which appears to be emerging as two distinct advances: Rio Grande assaulting Chowiinga and almost certainly taking it, albeit with different possibilities as far as how much they need to take it; and an advance in the North from Tongva, which could make some dents in Matamoros if not properly deflected.

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The Historian knew this development was coming, and had practically spent their whole life imagining the words they would place here. It was arguably entirely this ideological event that pushed the Historian to write on this timeframe. Yet, as they flipped the page in the manuscript and pushed some final reference pieces to the side, they froze. Finally placing their pen down, they turned their chair slightly to a framed artists sketch of a couple on a streetside, an infant maybe a year old at most cradled between them. Besides an artists sign in the bottom right was the dating of May 11th, 1834 and ‘Ouahigouya’, Nigeria’s largest city at the time. The Historian stared at their grandparents for some unknown length of time, almost revelling in the tragedy. Their Grandmother, clad here in fine professional dress, was one of the nations leading proponent for bold new ideas of liberal ideals, running a prototype research institute advocating them. Their Grandfather meanwhile was a proud sergeant in the Ouahigouya Police force, with an exemplary record. When this was made, a bright future seemed clear to them.

Awolowo, damn their cold cold heart, was always known to pursue a doctrine of ‘efficiency’ and ‘pure logic’ in the running of his state, and he very much intended to make it ‘his’, believing himself some ideal leader of everything and everyone. In early 1834 he dispelled all council and propagated a notice of his own personal theory of leadership he dubbed ‘the minmax strategy’. Human rights; chaotic individuality; any focus on culture or income; theories of realities that didn’t systemise and quantify everything: these were all wrongful distractions away from advancing the position of the state, and thus worthy of condemnation. Now, he felt as a wise elder patriarch he could not be seen as too harsh, and so instituted what he marketed as a ‘soft purge’, which his defenders endlessly prattle ‘didn’t imprison or kill anyone until they started killing first’. Idiotic. When you ban political opponents from any professional job or position of authority, have every local lord bribed onto your side, and many working class mobs placated by ‘permanent’ (cancelled after authority was all in Awolowo and his cronies) state aids programmes, the state doesn’t need to kill you, starvation or vigilantes will ensure either you or your ideals die, whichever comes first.

After some long minutes of blankly staring between the sketch and their papers, they slowly rose from their desk, retreating to a hot drink in the makeshift kitchen of this wind-battered workspace. A 15 minute break, at least, would be necessary. They knew it was not wise to write on history with such personal thoughts clouding the mind.

90: Cyclone Bolivar

Portmore has been reduced from a full health 10 pop city to a 2 pop contested wreck in all of 6 turns, if that is not a demonstration of the wrath of Bolivar I do not know what is! The Cuban garrison is definitely looking thinned out as well; still wouldn’t say I’m certain of a successful invasion there, but it’s worth a shot. Adding to this is that renewed Vandal fleet threatening Kievtis Hoek once again.

91: Press R to Reset

Feels familiar here, aside from Kandoucho losing population but gaining tiles. In fact, if I didn’t know better, I’d say New Netherlands was planning another likely-to-fail siege of Holly Bluff while Tuskaloosa’s planning an assault on poor exposed Kandoucho. It may be a Cylinder, but does everything need to be so cyclical?! Beversrede taking damage in the bottom-right however may be a sign of imminent change coming to this region, whether the occupants want it or not.

92: Asskicking in Anqing

Yong’an is not merely healed by this point, but annexed entirely, incorporating it fully into the Malaccan war efforts here alongside Hanoi. Anqing falls, but is truthfully likely to flip at least twice more; the upside for Malacca as usual being that they have a capability to keep flipping longer. The real next targets, especially with Songjiang guarded by a peacekeeper scout, should be Longping and Nanchang; the frigates making this zero trouble, especially if they catch those embarked units right now.

93: The Shores of Home

Thereis bound to be some nasty flipping here for a while, as seen time and time again with multi-city cores being invaded almost purely from sea. A barely alive pikeman doesn’t count, Wilhelm. Regardless, at that point it’s simply a matter of either when peace falls, or who can outlast who’s capture forces. Wilhelm has advantage there, so I hope Eldjarn is pumping out units best he can.

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Hauptmann Rudolf Hiern is recorded as the first soldier to ever step on Icelandic ground in an invasion capacity by many historians, rowing ashore with an undermanned crew of pikemen to simply scout inland routes for future landings. Even in this limited capacity, a boundary had been crossed in Icelandic culture, and the bubble of island defence mentality that had built up over nearly 5000 years of cultural propagation, that everything would always be fine since they had the sea-strength to prevent incursion on safe Icelandic home soil, was defied. Thoughts like these were rarely directly envisioned or expressed outright before Rudolf stepped off his craft, but in hindsight it seemed like a covenant, brutally and cruelly snatched away, and now pointed out as an obvious turning point in the island's history.

94: This is My Rifle, This is My Gun

I believe these icons were visable earlier, but this shot of Punjab really highlights the Enlightenment era units unlocked at Flintlock, the Line Infantry (melee class, between musketmen and riflemen, the two rifle icon) and Skirmisher (ranged, between crossbows and gatlin guns, the rifle with strap icon)

Beyond some weapon appreciation, this slide hides an essential war behind the largely irrelevant Uzbekistan-Yuan war on display; Northern Yuan is also heading to war with Yuan!

95: Round 2 and Beyond

This slide is a tale of two repeat conflicts: the certain grind centre-stage and the probable stomp in the sidebar. Regarding the former, I’d give the edge here to Mandukhai, albeit in the knowledge that Yuan’s UA has messed their opponents up before (stealing science progress while at war, hurting cities if they eclipse their enemy in tech) but it’s hard to compare tech just at this glance. That boxy UU is a Huihui Pao, a trebuchet that’s cheap and can cut forests to gain quick setup (a bit late here, considering the landscape). Bayan Tumen and to a lesser extent Kaifeng seem deeply compromised, mostly due to citadels, so expect this to be a war of defence for Yuan, which is broadly always the lesser position.

96: Stage Setting

Now looking over at the latter repeat-conflict, the last Spanish-Vandal war was, as much as my half-spaniard blood hates to confess, a huge knockback for Carlos. I can’t really see it being much different this time, as the Gallic war has already drained the strength of Spain so much; especially if Carlos decides to keep fighting the Gaul’s to a significant degree. The best news for Spain is that unlike Northern Yuan, the Vandals do not seem to have pre-positioned much, beyond an abundance of recon units in Catalonia for some reason?

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The brutal shockwaves of the first Vandal Incursion was all too strong an inherited memory for the generations that followed it, and so the sighting of Vandal aggressions on the bored sent a most fascinating tsunami of second-hand trauma through the Iberian Peninsula, but far less in it’s colony communities. Nowhere else would this be felt than in the military families of Spain, young soldiers dreading having to relive their infantile nightmare tales of madmen leaping off boats to murder city folk in pitch black night. The Historian could not imagine how one could achieve an effect like this in lab conditions, but it would be an intriguing study.

97: Performative Victories

As expected, Reykjanesbaer has been captured by Wilhelm, and as expected, it looks certain to flip back. Have I already done this sentence already? Whelp, that Civ 5 baby! Some good news as far as long-lasting progress being achieved goes is that I spot a squad of land units being moved from the Faroes to Iceland itself, which can help secure a new capture and defeat the sea-land caputure cycle. To the South, I wish I could see more as it appears the Scandi’s will be entirely removed from Britain, to be replaced by Germans and French only (oooo, how historical).

98: Wasted Potential

I cannot be the only one to see the operation of the war between Cleopatra and the alliance of Awolowo and Seko as an unmitigated disaster, right? They were handed a chance to cut out the heart of a key North African opponent, and have ended up razing one minor city and losing another. Nigeria fights on, continuing these frustrating desert pushes into nothing, vaguely promising to brush into Kyrene at some point, but never following through. A wonderful narrator some episodes ago made an astounding rant about the ludicrous degree of throwing Cleopatra was proving capable of; well Cleopatra wasn’t the number one civ on the block with an empire spanning the spine of Africa and a UU-weilding, teched up ally. I’d outright argue Zaire needs to be removed from not just the top spot, but the top 10 altogether, as they in this episode have proven themselves strategically incapable of advancing a front when handed every single card, goddamnit!

99: The Raid of Rabigh

Rabigh looks set to fall by the next time we see a slide of this nature, although it’s already been starved quite heavily by the prolonged siege. On Arabia the tide effect persists, Raja Raja I whitling down the defenders of these citiies one by one; I count three possible recapturers by Al Jumum, 1-2 of which may be killed off by the Kurdish push also. Yanbu remains unscratched for now, by once Rabigh falls I imagine plenty of troops (and AI focus) will head there.

100: Time Waits for No Civ

Well, seem to me like there’s been at least a minor breakthrough for PARG here around Pokcha, as horsemen and chariots struggle to match up to knight armour and musket fire. However, no transported artillery so far, so unless those horses want to butt heads with a gate, this could be a while just clearing up outdated troops instead.

101: The Yukon Trail

The one-tile snake of Chinook’s North prospers still, but potentially not for too long as the Chukchi haul cannons and guns across the tiles towards Kanyak. Take Kanyak, and Nechecolee is the easiest of pickings, removing another 14 pop in total from the Chinook side. In other news, both Jan Coen and Mansur Shah declared war on Bhutan. Doubt it’ll have any major effect, but I note it as it suggests, or at least bolsters, the relatively friendly relationship between the two in spite of their regional closeness. Laos and Vietnam could have learnt some real lessons from their neighbours!

102: Val-ient-cia

Gaul has started what seemed like the aim of this whole endeavour a episode ago and is actually damaging Irish Spain! This was expected far earlier, but now its being done at a rapid pace, already around half health. The capture might end up difficult if Vercingetorix is not careful around that half-damaged knight seemingly being sent to take Valencia, particually as there is a minor blockade. Another regional underdog in Britain under siege is Iceland’s HafnarfJordur (God I hope Dawkinzz does get to this); similarly at half-yellow, though a single swordsman serves as Iceland’s champion. A German settler has arrived in the Highlands perhaps seeking a resettlement, just under Gemran standards of fashion.

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Where Madrid and Sevilla were having night terrors of Genseric galloping through Spain, the fear in Spanish Ireland was equally present, yet somehow more melancholy. To the defending Valencians, this was not a defence of Spain, but a defense of their home. That was a fact all too easy to lose behind the process of time, but as far as the denizens of the port-city could express in their hearts, they were the founding posessors of this island, with their ancestors stretching back generation to generation, over 1800 years of Valencian culture, most of which was deeply isolated by travel distance from near about any authority. Traders of all variety stopped by on the way to the Icelandic passage North. What would remain of this, after the inevitable?

103: Thanadelthur…

So uhhhh… the Dene decided their best course of action after taking Kincaid was a razing. All good, no bad patterns of behaviour being repeated over and over again there.

104: Hit and Sail

The Vandals, having recharged their naval campaign in the South New Netherlands, have elected to go in a reverse capture order from their base of operations. This takes the weaker Wiltwyck and Haverstroo first and puts the central focus of naval forces on Kievtis Hoek, fairly smart if you ask me (although attributing it as a deliberate AI choie may be a stretch). That embarked army near Bermuda feels far less smart, however, the Dutch still have the navy to likely intercept and send at least half of it way down to the bottom of the sea.

105: Front Command

A daring Ptolemaic admiral seems to have decided to survey the harbour of Mitrovice alone, what hubris! Kosovo continues to hold plenty of reserves to recapture the city, but I can’t help but feel that’s still a solid waste of population that could be saved by a more proactive military strategy; as heartless as it theoretically is, blocking the straights here up with outdated units could work a treat. Concerningly, a settler seems to be heading for Cyprus from Cleo, perhaps putting a permanent solution to the border skirmish that started this off.

106: Lessons

Outside of some tech advancements a few detail orientated fans would spot, I’m pretty certain Blue Casette could have swapped this slide arounds (erasing the turn count naturally) with the earlier slide of this war and no one would be the wiser. Let’s hope both Fa Ngum and Raja Raja I have learnt something here about starting war that are strategically infeasible at best. The sidebar shows Kolchak join into war against Bhutan, in one of those conflicts that’s technically real, but isn’t actually due to the tiny border size.

107: Salamanca; Seville, Siege

Gotta hand them this, the Vandals are quick on the draw, both here and in the Carribean. Even when they don’t prepare their positions much, they are quite literally designed for fantastic mobilisation, receiving +1 movement for starting either on coasts or shores, an ability used well it seems. Sevilla falls immediately into a damaged state, with troops in Iberia surrounding it and Madrid. The full force of Genseric isn’t here yet, but it hardly matters when a foe is so thoroughly tired.

108: Major Sikh Gaming Pro Snipes

In the wake of such disrespect, I find it amazing war is not instantaneously declared by Barzani on Singh, who declared war on Hejaz one turn ago almost entirely to steal Ribagh it seems. Really flexing those new units there. Now, the Kurds do still have a small corridor to their new city in the Gulf, and could still pursue the capture of Yanbu, but still, ouch. Lastly, Al Jumum looks to finally be swallowed wholly by the Chola tide, no units left to defend it.

109: Purple on Blue vs Blue on Purple

In one of the more dreary wars in terms of colour schemes (apologies if y’all disagree), we can see the expected move of Bayan Tumen being devoured easily take place, but more surprisingly, Yuan has in return gone hard towards Avarga. This is a somewhat risky move IMO, as if it pays off it’s still much more vulnerable that their average city and requires defence forces, whereas Keifeng looks like a clear second meal for Northern Yuan. Equally, you could argue capturing Avarga opens the door to Karakorum, essentially applying the ‘soft underbelly’ approach to Mongolia instead of, you know, Sicily and fascist Italy. Either way, the amount of troops both parties are sporting here and the steppe openness guarantees grind will be a necessary process here, goody.

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The origins of the Wars of the Two Yuans, the overarching name for the multiple largely similar disputes over the centuries just between these two states, are intractably rooted in the ancient, semi-mythical tale of their foundations. Legend, anthropologists of the area claim, speaks of an original Yuan people in the earliest days of the Cylinder, living with cultural practices balanced between the steppe life of nomadic herding and hunting, and seasonal settling in the more fertile North China plains and fishing coasts. That is, until TWO immortal leaders arrived. One, Mandukhai proclaimed the ways of the steppe as the preferable long-term path, as although they may need to settle eventually, these more martial traditions would develop a culture of strength that benefitted them forevermore. The other immortal stranger, Kublai Khan, counterargued that although a more sedentary lifestyle might indeed encourage learning and legalism over pure conquest, it would be those very qualities that handed a culture supremacy in the long run, surpassing any opponent before a fight could even begin.

Within a few generations, a united culture group diverged as they migrated steadily apart, no longer interchanging their roles throughout their lives, and instead cementing the way of the horse or the way of words at Karakorum or Khanbaliq respectively. Ever since, the immortal leaders perceive themselves as diametric rivals, out to prove a point. Kublai Khan kickstarted a writing system first, and insultingly asserted his tribe as the ‘true’ Yuan, leaving Northern Yuan seemingly an offshoot (the more nationalistic scholars under Mandukhai reverse the naming scheme in their works, although this is internationally considered petty).

110: Wiltwyck Man

The gateway cities to the Dutch Carribean have undoubtedly been taken down a peg, but the Vandals seem to be having issues keeping a consistent force in the area to solidify the gains. That pocket of galleasses may be increasingly behind the times, but it still offers city health down at a rapid pace as well as taking down any stray vessels that gets too close, when still pressed together. Wiltwyck and Haverstroo will probably be back in Peter’s control by the end of his next turn, but Kievtis Hoek is the true prize here, and a trail of units and ships shows its prioritisation. Nice reminder of dictator Lenin in the top-left btw, he’s since gotten 4 more Autocracy policies, including Clausewitz’s Legacy, implying he should be seeking a big war imminently.

111: Mongolian Nights

Bayan Tumen indeed fell, and with it the focus of the war has largely gone to Keifeng. And of course, in true Mongol fashion, that means it is time for cavalry. So many knights, just lined up one by one, I imagine them neatly jousting each other. Northern Yuan keeps an advantage so far, but I feel that may be in large part due to Yuan focusing troops on capital defence and Avarga. Shout out to the Neutral (I think? Perhaps Mapuche?) warrior just running through this, truly living in the moment!

112: Miffed-rovice

I am by now truly curious what Rugova’s grand plan here was, because it wasn’t this. No chance this stays blue outside of a Somalia-tier peace deal, but every flips means halving the worth of a former 15 pop city, and in this special case may mean having handed a bastion to the enemy if they go ahead and pop that settler down right there while Mitrovice is Cleo’s.

113: Revenge of the Chonnonton!

Hands up if you had entirely forgotten these two were at war, or assumed peace had been signed a while back? I certainly swore I saw a peace deal, but I imagined it clearly, since this is the same war as there was starting this episode. Now, was going out and assaulting Long Swamp now a good move? No, not really, given it’s 3 canon garrison vs swordsmen, no matter how nice of swordsmen they are. You have to admire the spirit, however, and what else can they try now.

114: Long-Due Damage

The sidebar highlights that Kurdistan has made peace with Hejaz, objectively not coming away with anything, although I doubt their Gulf city would be there without the war. They were still done dirty, dedicating so much to take Ribagh only to lose it to a cheeky snipe. I’d feel done with it too, buddy. Anyway, to Spain where they’re… not doing nearly as bad as I would assume. The ‘siege’ of Barcelona has begun, but 2 crossbows are not really quick wall busting machines; and although Vesontio is set to fall, I’m surprised Carlos still owns it at all. As for the Vandals, after the early surrounding of Sevilla, the health has lingered around the same value, and a ring of defenders surrounds Madrid. I’m sure this is just the inevitable being delayed, but hope is something worth holding too, surely?

115: Forcing a Front

Welcome to the aforementioned ‘barely existent’ front of the Bhutan-PARG war! Enjoy vaguely patrolling units stumbling into each other while the real armies fight elsewhere, at least in PARG’s case. In other world news, the even more useless Dene-Iceland war concludes with nary even an amusing peace trade. This is just a nice place to relax away from the major wars of the Cylinder, so enjoy.

116: Don’t Shoot the Trading Hub

An even nicer place to escape the stress of it all usually would likely be Saldae, one of many Vandal ‘trade posts’ that dot the odd corners of the map, were it not for that pesky New Netherlands war. Unless Stuyvesant requests some beefier equipment or actual troops I expect no change here in the long run.

117: The Concerto Uprising

Nigeria remains at war with The Ptolemies, but must have genuine happiness issues to be getting rebels. Perhaps the ideology contentment right now is actually Order-weighted, that would be a shock! Regardless of why, this basically guarantees that any war gains Awolowo has will be razed like his previous 2. I’d also say that the state of this core should be a risk were Sankara as militarised as you’d expect, but clearly that Kidal conflict has sucked up troop attention, or at least that’s my guess.

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Even amidst the ‘Soft Purge’, there were a good number of intellectuals or generally brave souls who perhaps did not realise the depths of Awolowos convictions and ambitions, or didn’t see a need to care regardless, even after being stripped of so much income and socially shamed. The suburbs of Ouahigouya, stacked with proto-liberal globalised expats and merchants, proto-socialist industrial leaders and artists, and academics from both camps, were especially shielded from the reality of the situation in the Spring of 1848. After the timely combination of a new ordinance banning the publication of constructivist social theory papers and a particularly stirring opera by a Great Musician (titling the protest) that called for resistance, the tension broke and rioting broke out. When a police depot was raided through the expertise of former members expelled for their beliefs, the state declared it a rebellion, and with it the ‘Soft Purge’ policy null and void.

The Historian knew this portion of history well, as their family was embedded deep into it, both grandparents having been rendered unemployable beyond essentially anonymous manual labour for well over a decade at this point. The grandfather was one such former police member who mounted peacekeeper cavalry towards the Town Hall of his beloved city. The Historian, in fact, knew what he held fast to as truth, that the bloodshed of this event began with autocrats firing on a peaceful parade into the city, and that virtually each and every civilian killed, or farm raided, or arson started, by ‘the murderous traitors’ of the uprising was in fact on the side of the liberals or socialists, sought out and destroyed in glee as the lifting of the ‘soft purge’ laws allowed elites and extremists open season on their enemies. They, after all, could label who someone was killed by once they were dead. After the first massacres, which claimed the Historians grandfather, their grandmother was key to the evacuation of regime opponents who desired to stay and fight, funneling them towards the relatively undeveloped Volta wetlands or on ships to islets surrounding Sao Tome. She was pursued and killed for these efforts about 2 years after her husband, as the full purge extended nationally. Their wider surviving family, including an adolescent son, would declare a blood feud forevermore, living and growing refuge to refuge, eventually somehow including a child curious about the role of ideas.

“Somehow this section feels a tad dry and serious” mumbled the Historian, “but then again, a work describing fascism in action should be at least partially that, right?”

118: Tidal Overflow

I did check, Two Sicily’s didn’t declare war here, this is all just spawn overflow as Ferdinand has clearly filled up his sector of the Med. The damage is from Chola, secure with Al Jumum and now pushing for Yanbu and the Horn of Africa. With this shot one can note the Hejaz has once again switched regions entirely, now rubber-banding across the empire to Al Bahah, which to be fair is likely one of the safest havens left for Hussein.

119: The Undercut-Overcut Tango

An unforeseen result of both Yuan’s strategies in this conflict is that ultimately, as Mandukhai presses successfully for Kiefeng and Avarga is pinched by Kublai Khan, the whole map has simply tilted, rather than one side gaining really ground. In fact, both sides have reasonable avenues to reclaim their lost cities should they push for them, which would in effect just reset this bloody dance. I suppose my thought is whether one of these civs will have an unpleasant backstab from another civ, which is probably the main way I see this concluding in anything major and permanent. To that extent, Northern Yuan is likely more vulnerable than Yuan, just on account of Taiping’s troubles vs PARG’s business as usual.

120: Shatter

The forces of Thanadelthur may not be the fastest on the Cylinder, but like a Canadian glacier they do move with eventual power! OK, perhaps that’s a little exaggerated, but the Dene have killed off a civ with this steady approach, and know looks set to finally take Bottle Creek permanently after multiple exchanges. With Bootle Creek finally in Dene possession, Like-A-Fishhook will finally stop feeling like an exposed weakness sticking out to the Dene South, with an extra city attack and unit production, alongside just plain good land to work. Ultimately, this just helps confirm the big issue Mississippi has, not necessarily great, strong neighbours, but being surrounded by adequate, protected neighbours who can simply poke and chip.

121: The Proclaimer of Unity

Lenin is going for a few firsts this episode, now grabbing the first Industrial Era wonder of the Cylinder: Big Ben in Tsaritsyn! It ranks 1/10 (that’s bad) and discounts purchases in it’s city by 15%, woooo! Anyway, that shouldn’t be the focus of this slide, as more importantly Longping has fallen with little prior fanfare. Nanchang is in a state of siege already, although Longping will need to be retaken next turn. At this point, Taiping need to be very grateful for the Chukchi and Yuan’s bizarre tile crossing, as it may be their only true defence for their final coastal cities.

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The Tsaritsyn Proclaimer of Unity was one in a seemingly fast growing collection of architectural and civic engineering wonders endorsed or commissioned by Patriarch Lenin, in what was becoming a kind of trademark of Autocratic ideology. Were this not a tool of propaganda and repression, the Historian would probably find such blatant, expensive signatures of ideology chuckle-worthy in their grandiose and melodramatic forms.

Tsaritsyn had plenty of temples and halls with belltowers and clocks already, but authorities of the government quietly asked if the landowners could remove them in advance of the construction, overtly for patriotism, discreetly under threat of the gulag. You see, to have individual, local time presentations wasn’t in line with the doctrine of Soviet Brotherhood; where people ought to place trust in the benevolence and truth of the state, which generously gifts them everything they need to feel satisfied with their place in life. To show this in Tsaritsyn, so close to international borders and thus outsiders, a ‘local’-state initiative invested heavily into a grand clocktower, demolishing a mere few old buildings in its place.

It’s gigantic size and opulence cannot be denied, and it’s maintenance by the Bureau of Soviet Science allows it to claim that ‘Under Autocracy, the nation provides you even time itself’, though rumours of it slowing every few months has plagued it since its third decade rather ironically.

122: Oh Man

Tired of seeing this lil piece of the world? Well, don’t worry, as it’ll likely have some fun new vibrant colours in the near future, either a groovy orange or vibrant yellow depending on the luck of the draw! Punjab’s embarked troops certainly suggest they’re confident they’ll have a new Indian Ocean destination to cruise to, wink wink nudge nudge. All in all this somewhat reminds me of the Indian Cold War of the first few episodes, before Punjab cemented it’s top dog status. If Chola gets Yanbu, they secure a safe new city key to their naval interest that also lets them get to oft-stranded Thiruvarur; if Punjab gets it they hold two new Arabian Gulf ports and access to Arabia.

123: Retreading Reykjanesbaer

Reykjanesbaer will fall 12 times according to the city capture stats spreadsheet, and well, it certainly feels a bit like we’ve seen this shot and ‘Reykjanesbaer (Kristjan Eldjarn) has been captured by Germany!!!’ for at least a third of them. There’s two changes of note this time around however, the confirmed capture of Hafnarfjordur and the founding of Dusseldorf atop a former city, cementing German Scotland as a thing. How much longer will Wilhelm accept this back and forth, or will some German admiral eventually take the example of Malacca and attack multiple cities at once?

The sidebar informs us that Bolivar and Stuyvesant have patched things up; clearly Bolivar just explained this was purely about taking his personal vengeance on a Jamaican city and nothing more. So touched was Peter by this tale of heroism and Jamaican arrogance, he came back to his council of merchants and himself declared war on Garvey (as if either need it), with Tahiti also joining on the sly.

124: Chowiinga Down

The Chowiinga campaign has been slow, but reasonably so in consideration of the terrain. That being said, perhaps a tad bit more siege equipment and a tad less horses could go a long way, but hey, I’m not gonna try telling that to cowboys. The Tongva fleet seems to have ended up mostly quiet beyond simple blockading, as Rio Grande have deliberately or not ended up avoiding the Mexican Pacific shore in settling.

125: Ghosts don’t need to be dead

This war has dragged for a long time, from the fringest edge of the frontier when it started to now hitting core cities of Comcomly. Konapee is the target of choice for now, but I can’t help but notice how Chinook the capital, bulges into the Pacific like the weak spot on a Nintendo boss monster. Hit it, and does the whole empire just explode easily? Frankly, those Northern cities feel like a bit of a distraction, but it’s a methodical approach I suppose.

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Once, the Chinook were considered the undisputed masters of the American West Coast. Once. Once seemingly nobody existed in the lands of Comcomly without having tested their hand in the acquisition or utilisation of marine products, or some auxiliary field, even in the inland depths to the North. It was just core to everything in the life of the Chinook. Once. The Chukchi Tragedies took so much in the eyes of Comcomly and his people, even the sea they doted on so heavily. What was there to be done?! There were many ‘Materialist’ thinkers out there, whether conscious of that fact or not, who held fast to the idea that culture was a subservient force to the forces of physical force and economics. The Historian considered this blatant nonsense of the highest order. The Chinook’s adoration of the waves was not matched by any nation, even those with far more claims to the sea like Wales or Japan; and when the circumstances of access changed, there was no logical, detached response to the ideas that guided them. Likewise, the transaction of money did not direct Lawtilliwadlin to set his borders on the shores of America, but a desire to challenge set beliefs and assert his nation did. Which leads to the question: once the Chinook are detached from the Pacific, what will motivate them?

126: Bay of Beavers

Seems the Vandals, unfit for their name, cannot handle the wiles of Wiltwyck man, and thus have consigned the entire city to the flame. Gonna have to see how the space clears, but I could well imagine New Netherland ultimately just sending a new settler down there to fill that space once it’s ashes. The Cuban city of Heemstede has also received it’s first damage, which would be the smart move for a next target rather than heading for the stronger cities of the East Coast.

127: Party at Vengi Beach

Oooo, a city in the Antarctic at 3 POP this episode?! What a delight for the mind. Not really sure what else one can say here, have some RP:

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Vengi differed from many of the other ice ‘cities’ of the cylinder, each of which, it seemed to the Historian, distilled so much of the culture that founded them down to essentials. It wasn’t a research site like Nigeria settled, nor a listening post like Lindi of Zanzibar. No, the Historian had a small theory that these white wastes were in many ways the greatest blank canvas for a state to paint its priorities and values onto for the world to see; and in Chola’s case Vengi was an honest to above colonial port. Selected for a nearby abundant fishing ground, a perhaps the promise of a future launching point into Kulin territory; Vengi’s population growth outshined its neighbours and harbour is fitted to accommodate a fleet easily, rather than just a dinky plank collection. Most tellingly however, it’s founding came with a trade agreement with the mercantile VOC; a speck of maritime focus synonymous with Raja Raja I.

128: Al Bahumbug

The presently loading new borders should give a hint as to how fast Chola dropped these two cities, bringing Hejaz to a new low. Where it not for the security of Al Bahah, I’d quite frankly say Hejaz was pretty firm quick elimination material (give it an era or two for artillery and planes to enter and they’ll be so without a doubt). To their North you get a sense of the lands they once held as a major settler, before harsh war and bad peace deals cut it away.

129: A Green Isle

In fact, speaking of peace deals, Hejaz quite reasonably made one, most notably handing over Yanbu without any citizen loss to Chola, an ideal scenario for them. Raja Raja’s one route to victory is as boat king, and a boat king requires ports. Anyway, Valencia has fallen, cementing some kind of gain for Vercingetorix from this protracted war. I’m sure this world with a Spanish Southern Ireland sperate from the rest will have much less sectarianism, surely.

130: The Balkan Gambit

So, you’re Ferdinand I, you specialise in boatcraft, sailing and general marine-ary. You have so many ships they are overflowing supernaturally into the Red Sea. What opponent do you select: a) a primarily coastal major power, hoping to cut them down in an area you’re strong at before they can eclipse you; b) a coastal minor power, easy pickings to maintain growth; or c) an inland major poweryou are broadly unable to fight at all with your astounding Mediteranean fleet?

The answer if C, it turns out, as the Kingdom of Two Sicilies declares war on Germany with Marojoara backing them up. Now, truthfully the German Balkans are not the most strongly defended territory on the cylinder, and Ferdinand does have troops ready to march in, but still, there are plenty of better targets!

131: The Hinge of the Himalayas

A look back at the Quasi-War between PARG and Bhutan shows no real action; perhaps a few pillaged tiles and lightly damaged units, maybe a dead scout or two if I could guess. This frame does do a good job however at highlighting the oddly vertical nature of Bhutan, and it’s role in the social fabric of the Cylinder separating Taiping, Punjab and Uzbekistan.

Nigeria and the Ptolemies signing peace deserves a reluctant mention as well, what a shambles of a conflict.

132: The Valley of Death

Across Death Valley and the Mojave Desert, the armed forces of Toypurina carry their bravery into the waiting gunlines of Rio Grande’s cities amongst the Rockies (my geography doing fine here?). Seems to me like Rossillo wants his completed Mexico before he makes any further move towards California, and is happy to let Tongva troops instead march themselves to death from a comfortable distance.

133: Revenge is a Dish Best Served Jerked

Wow, I thought I was playing the Bolivar revenge narrative strong, but no, he’s always had a sense of the CBR meta clearly, and isn’t gonna live with Garvey as a reminder of his early game failures. With that, he declares war on Jamaica, a crossbow regiment already prepared on Haiti for Jamaica’s last stand. Tooo theeeee Mooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnn…..

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The Kingston Documents were not a document of ideology, unless you could consider ‘righteous vengeance’ the 4th global strain of academic thought. Unearthed by accident many decades after their writing, they were communications to and from Bolivar made while staying at Garvey's former estate outside Kingston, with a suitable view to the Northeast. In them, are two things, precise details of military predictions indicating a fixed determination to strike May Pen with imminently, and long profanity-ridden rants about the ‘unbearable smugness’ and ‘detestable sloth’ of Marcus Garvey. To quote: ‘Spanish Town?! SPANISH TOWN?!?!?!? I’ll show him a f****** Columbian Town right on his b****** a**** c*****, that miserable l****** p*****-e*** x******. Lord forgive me, I will crash this whole game again if he tries something!!!!’

Given the amount of unintelligible nonsense here, the Historian had to believe Jamaican rum was a factor in these artefacts.

134: The Hard Struggle

This conflict for control of the North Pacific has felt like a presence on this episode well beyond this episode, an arc spanning several narrators and weeks upon weeks. And now we have Konapee, the penultimate city to the Chinook capital, ready to fall and things truly feel rather dire for them. This has gone way beyond a struggle for near-useless ice cities, and the Chukchi have ascended in my eyes from a fun civ well suited to populate a region lacking other options to a genuinely key competitor in this entire series. Well, OK, maybe that’s going way too far, but they’ve definitely cemented a position in America over the span of one episode, and could definitely keep going South for now into Tongva. Shoe on the other foot, these are core Chinook cities now, indisputably, and without coast access what real use are the Chinook?

135: Thanadelthur!!!!!

Eagle-eyed viewers of this episode may have noticed a tinsey lil town right near around where the citadel might have been. An easter egg for clever readers clearly, because I can’t imagine it was ever that important. I’m certain is wasn’t a clear war goal that dozens of units died to get, Thanadelthur. It couldn’t be, because if it was, you would not immediately begin playing with matches upon taking it, surely? It never could have possibly helped you move your empire further South, or been an additional production base, or literally been anything but a lights show! We all agreed then? Bottle Creek never must have been a place, really…

Oh, and in other news, the Gauls have made peace with Spain, we’ll talk on that later with a shot of the situation.

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The enigma of fire, wrath and despair that was the inner machinations behind Thanadelthur’s calm diplomatic front lay untouched by hundreds of academics before the Historian. And so it would remain. “Not touching that with a 6 foot pointer”, grumbled the Historian.

136: A Bizarre Absence

This endeavour suddenly feels a lot less risky than I initially imagined, I did not realise how many troops Wilhelm has clearly embarked off to Iceland, damn. Germany’s not defenceless here per se, but Frankfurt especially seems like a juicy high-pop snack right now. Hamburg and perhaps even Berlin are other oddly underdefended targets; although one needs to keep in mind the productive capabilities Wilhelm has, especially now he’s double at war!

137: The Big Damn Heroes Moment

AI’s do not generally value dramatic flair in programmed decision making, but I have to theorise some aspect of Italian has slipped into Ferdinands subroutines, as this is as lovely and big a heroic display as can exist in Civ 5. Iceland has really been saved by this fairly random overflow of Sicilian ships, which I could see really diminishing the momentum of the German efforts here.

138: Multiplied Pointlessness

The Gauls declared war on Spain at the end of last episode, with speculation of intent mostly switching between a desire to unify Ireland (half-done, painstakingly slowly) or an assault on Barcelona and then into actual Iberia (never progressed past the first steps). Spain, it needs to be made clear, did not win here… but by the standards of expectations, anyone would be hard pressed to call this image a Gallic victory.

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The War for Valencia is consistently remembered as somewhere between a waste and a tragedy, varying depending on how distanced the recollecter feels from history. Nary an older town on the Western Coast of Gual’s homelands lacks some plaque or statue noting the destruction that occurred amidst the war, and it’s practically a cultural industry of mourning in Vesontio. The Spanish grievances from the war are even more apparent, a core and pointless step in the decline of their fortunes forevermore. The estimated death toll reaches between the low 600,000 and the higher...

For the first time all night, the Historian truly let their pen down, and let out a deep, mournful sigh. This was always going to be sadening, but after a whole night of writing and brain-strain, the depression was perhaps getting to them. But they’re so close, too close, to stop for sleep now! Barely a few more pages left to go! No, they could not… Tea. Yes, that would hit the spot.

Had they not been in the makeshift stove-room kitchen, they might have been startled by the flash of lightning coming through the desk-side window. Not for the flash itself, but it’s illumination of the nighttime scene outside, as the shores of this small, rarely mapped rock-of-an-island in the South Atlantic welcomed the hull of a Nigerian Army patrol vessel.

139: Chupó faros

With only minor naval assistance, Chowiinga looks pretty much set to go to Rio Grande on their next turn. The interesting question will be if that sets Rio Grande off of war with Toypurina altogether, having got their priority city, or if in the AI’s mind it forms a new target and we see full offensives across the Southwest deserts from Rossillo.

140: Pacific Highway Blues

Yeah, this was not a great episode for Pacific America generally; as Konapee is the next city of Comcomly to fall to the blue. Being a naval capture surrounded by defenders, this will take a little bit more time and total the city, but when doesn’t that happen here? Oh, and hey, another wandering Neutral warrior in the bottom, hiiya!

141: Return to Sender

Whatever the true original aims of Peter Stuyvesant were in declaring this war, by this point I’d say it’s clear they won’t materialise. Examining the drawing of troops as they stand currently, I’d expect a few dozen turns of relentless grind, with Kandoucho the assigned one-sided punching bag. The war ending now would probably be the mutually best option for everyone, barring one side having a tech bursting to go that will change the level for themselves.

142: Siege Harder

Oh dear, Carlos has escaped a lot of imminent demise for a while, but I’m not sure there’s a way out now. Madrid especially has lost it’s protctive shield, and in their place lies a shrinking semi-circle of current troops that are well reinforced. Like last time the Vandals dropped Spain hard in the ranks, you can spot a lot of embarkment quickly convoing from Morocco and Tunisia to Iberia, and overwhelming the already somewhat outdated situation. I won’t be here past turn 300 to see it through, but I’m not feeling a whole lotta hope.

Oh, and apparently Finland was at war with Taiping, that’s fun.

143: In Conclusion

And as we hit turn 300 in this grandest of contests, ol’ drunk Ptolemy (guess who he’s siding with) bursts into the control room blathering about fantasy CBR and sticks. Someone needs to put a leash on him, really. Regardless, these statistics show that if Mansur Shah expended much conquering a swath of additional cities off of Taiping, it was certainly reclaimed fast enough, taking pole position by an 8000 point stretch. Uzbekistan and Two Sicilies jockey for second place, albeit by a very different ratio of army-to-navy, whilst our #1 PR placer Zaire stands at 7th, which is still first in Africa.

And that’s all from me, E_C_H, signing off to someone I’m proud to have worked with both now and in the past, one of the most dedicated CBR staffers and creator of many a mighty fine map, the amazing Lacsirax Ariscal! Take it away girl (after the finale to my dumb lil RP thing, hope you enjoyed it)!

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When a fiery object of some sort crashed through the window to the library-sanctuary, fear, but not surprise, took hold of the Historian within a second. They were no hero, and not too proud to admit a fear of untimely death, regardless of how often they had mulled on the subject. This came with the job, however, alongside the knowledge to drop on the floor in this event, which they did moments before a barrage of automatic rifle fire (‘advanced machinery’ crossed their mind) strafed the building at chest height. For 20 seconds they lay there, ears increasingly ringing. The ceasing of the bullets was no relief though, for they had heard of the strategy here many times over, and seen its results. Flame the refuge, suppress them long enough to surround the building, and wait for total structural collapse or them to crawl out. Whether the next step was imprisonment, torture, or immediate execution depended on the target but also the troop commander. That was no option, but, as the Historian looked over while crawling to the desk again, the amount of dry paper in this amatuer library was overewhellming tasty for the fire.

Risking a quick jump upwards towards potential sightlines and the smoke, the Historian grabbed their manuscript, shaking off instantly a few catching pages. Only 2 bullets landed on pages, how lucky. ‘Not that it mattered really, but still’... The Historian could not think of a still. As fast as their physique could handle, they slid back across to the back of the hut, near their stove, as far from the fire's epicentre as they could. Sat against the wall, no avenue of thought could cross the academics head but of mortality and legacy. Could they take pride in this life? Has all that struggle made any impact? Would their family smile at them? But perhaps most of all, the thing ringing unignorable through their head was the inkling that their worst fear would be confirmed by this: no matter how complex and meaningful an idea, when actually face to face with boots and bullets, what did they all matter? Ideas may build strength, but they seemed so very limited in opposing strength. Clutching the slightly blackened remains of their ‘Wholistic Testament of the ‘Enlightenment Age’ tight in their bony arms, the Historian closed their eyes and, as ever, clouded their mind in other thoughts.

And then they opened them again, hazed and blurred. Well, that didn’t fit right! The adrenaline of imminent death had somewhat dulled them to the change in texture around their body from cold wood to linen sheets, which was the first thing they immediately noticed looking down. Looking up, they saw a clean chamber, not unlike a larger ships cabin, with bookshelves and a desk across one wall and a wardrobe and door along the other. Oh, and a man on a chair. Huh? Taking a long blink, the Historian now realised they were being spoken too, but the ringing in their ear had yet to subsist. They opened their fresh eyes to a concerned looking man in regal attire, perhaps of Kurdish or Hejazi descent? No, the complexion was off, and that dress style didn’t match anything exact. Slightly offputting, but intriguing. Perhaps this was anthropological heaven? Whatever it was, a gesture towards the ear still seemed a mutual sign of ‘give me a minute to recover’ as the stranger looked vaguely embarrassed and leaned back. In the awkward silence of audio recovery, the Historian noted there was no natural light here, but instead a bright spot on the ceiling. Lightbulbs had been around for a few decades now, and were becoming increasingly common in urban hubs, but nothing that strong and clean. What were they entering here? Not a little bit curious now, boosted by working ears were also now detecting the faintest of hums from some source, they shone a friendly grin at the sat figure to continue from before.

Abd-ar Rahman III stood up. “Welcome to the Sub, we observed your situation and, though we prefer not to interfere, thought we could offer an alternative to being crushed under burning wreckage. We have a open vacancy for archavists, you see...”

144: B-B-B-Bonus content!

What’s this? More slides? Yes, we’ve got a bumper episode this week as a special treat for you lovely viewers and definitely not because content up to turn 310 was accidentally leaked a short while back! Taking over ‘til the new finale is me, Lacsirax Ariscal, power ranker and only occasional firestarter.

Though there aren’t many fireworks here, as we get a shot of Africa’s only true rump state, Namibia. Africa is easily the most competitive continent at this stage of the game, but there’s always gonna be a couple civs that draw the short straw, and at least Morenga has outlived the Somalis over in the northeast. And as for those warships taking damage - don’t worry, that’s only the Burkinabé frigates taking a few potshots, the only civilization currently at war with Namibia. Granted, a transoceanic invasion from a distant combatant was how Somalia met their end, but Burkina Faso will have to send a much bigger navy to trouble the decently advanced contingent that Morenga has managed to keep.

145: The Battle of the Norwegian Sea

It’s first blood to Two Sicilies, as Ferdinand secures Hannover on the Orkney Islands, which Germany had settled just two turns ago. But I fear this is a Pyrrhic victory. The Sicilian sailors have already been scattered across the Norwegian Sea, and with no hope of reinforcements it’s difficult to see how they can cling on to territory here longer than a few years, even as Düsseldorf falls to yellow. At the very least Kristjan catches a brief respite, with the German navy drawn away from their position perilously close to Reykjavík. Elsewhere, Japan makes peace with Perm after Tanaka realises Russia is a bit bigger than he presumed.

146: Stuff of Legends

All across the Kingdom of Gaul the children read heroic tales of Vandal soldiers, while the city bells ring daily to celebrate the valiance of Genseric, a leader whose name carries far more respect than that of Vercingetorix throughout the nation. Even as Carlos has made peace with Gaul to focus his efforts on the Vandal invasion, it doesn’t appear to be enough - his brilliant navy can do nothing to stop the siege of Madrid, and it might have come too late to save Seville too, with the Portuguese port on a tiny sliver of health. Genseric may well eliminate the Spanish from the continent - at which point, he’d rapidly change from Gaul’s hero to their biggest threat.

In the sidebar, the Mississippi and New Netherland make peace after a rather disappointingly short war. The final borders stay pre-bellum, with Stuyvesant keeping hold of the Neutrals’ former capital. With his nation threatened by the Scourge of Spain Genseric himself, and Tuskaloosa still struggling to hold off the Dene, white peace is no real loss to either side.

147: Yuanna Call It Quits Yet

It’s been a few slides since we’ve checked in on this front, and now it’s clear why. The front has stabilised, with Mandukhai still in control of her old city of Bayan Tumen, and though it’s still vulnerable to a cheeky snipe from a rogue knight, retaking the city would be fairly trivial. But just offscreen at the bottom left we can see Avarga is also still controlled by Kublai Khan, and though it’s hard to gauge it appears the city is fairly well defended. Mandukhai does boast both her unique units. The Huihui Pao, a trebuchet replacement, has a situational ability that unfortunately relies on the presence of forests, all of which have long been chopped on the front line - but the Chongzu, her lancer replacement, should prove handier, facing no penalty for attacking cities. Still, it currently looks like the two Yuans are just too evenly matched for a proper breakthrough on either side. An errant war declaration from their powerful neighbours could change that in an instant, of course.

148: Kanyak Believe It

Cuirassiers are a powerful little unit, and it looks like a contingent have single-handedly taken back Kanyak for the Chinook. The Chukchi invasion has been nothing short of vicious, but as the frontlines move away from the coastlines I can see the attackers losing a little bit of steam as the playing field evens out slightly. That said, they’ve seized so much land from Comcomly already that most of his army is forced to awkwardly hang out in the Dene territory. In fact, with a decent blend of cannons and cuirassiers you’d think Comcomly would have a decent chance of taking Behchoko and Deline before the Dene realised they’d been double-crossed. But retaking the homelands is the priority here - with the Chukchi having annexed much of their conquests already, there’s only a tiny window of time where the Chinook army can feasibly mount a comeback.

149: Toussaint L’Ouverture Can’t Save You Now

Three turns into the war and already Marcus Garvey should probably be seeking out a Rastafarian priest for those last rites. Even with Gran Colombia’s units having to funnel through a bit of a finicky strait, they’ve already dealt convincing damage to May Pen, and the only unit Jamaica have that can fight back is a single galleass. Meanwhile New Netherland’s peace with Mississippi doesn’t seem to have affected the Vandal War much, with the Bahamas eerily deserted of any navy whatsoever. And this series’ wonder-whores Nigeria nab the Smithsonian, a science wonder that ensures they’ll remain the cylinder’s tech leader for a long time to come.

150: Pannonian Pain

The Double Sicilians flood into the Danube fields, and deal first damage to Frankfurt. But the German forces consist of more than a Great Artist now - they’ve enlisted a detachment of cuirassiers near Hamburg to lead the defence. The front looks a little more balanced than it did before, but Ferdinand probably holds a slight advantage still. The Sicilian predilection for only waging war against their land neighbours is frustrating, but if they can make gains against Europe’s current #1 on land, it doesn’t bode well for their watery neighbours when Ferdinand finally decides to use his unrivalled navy.

151: Can’t Someone Pull Rank?

It appears a bit of a fight has taken onboard the leading ship of the Spanish Navy. One admiral favours defending the homeland, while another captain argues taking the Azores with a sneaky backdoor squad is the better long-term strategy. The result is they’re stationed about halfway between the two, doing very little at all. Seville meanwhile has fallen, with the capital of Madrid still completely besieged. Honestly, with the Vandals holding all the cards on land I’d probably go for the Azores myself, which might at least distract Genseric’s army enough to launch something of a fightback - but bickering in the middle of the Atlantic is assuredly the worst strategy. In the sidebar, Tuskaloosa has successfully made peace with the final major threat that faced him this episode, the Dene, with no cities exchanged in the peace treaty. The coalition war has certainly damaged the Mississippi, but they’ve just about scraped out without enough losses to crater their chances in North America. Still, their days as undisputed top dogs of the continent are over. At least they’re faring significantly better than the Neutrals who face a renewed invasion from New Netherland, with Stuyvesant taking enemy-of-an-enemy the Dene along with him. Tsouharissen has coyly withstood a lot of invasions up to this point, but this feels like it might be the last chapter.

152: “Invasions” in Inverted Commas

The Vandals remind us they are still at war with New Netherland, but a navy so insultingly small won’t achieve much at all, with the three warships already taking significant hits having barely scratched Terwe Dorp. It could be the precursor of a more engaged invasion, but at the moment it should barely even be a distraction from Stuyvesant as he seeks to rid the world of the Neutrals once and for all. That said, he doesn’t appear to have prepared any force for performing that task whatsoever. Unbelievably, Tsouharissen will probably live to sleep another day.

153: Attrition

The Sicilian navy is down to its last champions, with their lone conquest of Hannover being retaken by its German founders. Ultimately an isolated navy on the backdoor of an equally powerful navy that can be readily replenished is always going to lose, but Two Sicilies definitely didn’t go down without a fight. The German navy looks knackered, and Iceland will definitely have Ferdinand to thank if they walk out of their war with the Germans with capital intact. Even Sweden might be wondering if a cheeky smash-and-grab war would be possible, with their advanced navy now outclassing the German one - but with Germany’s insane production advantage it’s unlikely they’d hold onto anything. Peru-Bolivia and the Tongva broker peace, a huge relief for both sides.

154: Mediterranean Murders

Mitrovice has flipped a couple of times since we last saw it, but still sports Ptolemaic blue for the time being. It’s a classic sea-land flip scenario, with the Ptolemies easily taking the city with their navy but unable to funnel enough land units into the conquest before the Kosovar marches right back in. They have snuck another city onto Cyprus though, only made possible by capturing Mitrovice. The Sicilian navy nearby would slice through the Ptolemaic fleet of galleasses in an instant, and Ptolemy is lucky they’re predisposed at the moment. Can you spot the Kosovar UI, the Kulla? It provides production, gold and defence, and also damages nearby enemy units, making their rugged territory all the more difficult to progress through. Not that Jerusalem would stance a chance anyway - they’re still fielding spearmen and catapults.

155: Hello Neighbour!

The Laotians probably have no idea what’s supposed to be so scary about the Malaccans. They gaze over the border and see prosperous but empty fields, with even the citadels near Pakse unmanned. For years they’ve been told about this thing called the “sea”, which is where Malacca’s might truly lies. But having finally found the ocean following the fall of Saigon, the only ship coming up the coastline is a friendly trading boat. I’m surprised Fa Ngum hasn’t been tempted to invade, frankly. Anyway, for those of us with the bigger picture, you might have thought the war with Taiping would have exhausted Malacca’s navy by now. And you’d be wrong. There is no stopping the Jong. There are always more Jongs. Always.

156: Foregone

Chowiinga falls to Rio Grande, and Toypurina makes a national address: “well, duh, tbh”. There was no chance of holding onto that colony, but the rest of the slide is better news for the Tongva. Rio Grande’s naval presence in the Pacific is still non-existent, and there’s no land army bearing down on SoCal. Ciudad Victoria has even taken a smidgen of damage, but with it only bordering one sea tile, it’s unlikely to be threatened by the outdated Tongva armada. It wouldn’t shock me if this was the last city flip in this war.

157: Chukchi Cascadia

A major Chukchi offensive retakes Kanyak and even seizes Konapee. The latter will fall back immediately, and Kanyak may yet flip again, although the eventual outcome of that battle is looking more and more foregone as the Chinook defence forces begin to evaporate. Indeed the situation is equally dire further south, with only the front line troops left. Everything is being thrown into the war effort, including a swordsman and a bowman from aeons ago. Past Neacoxie the Chinook lands are completely devoid of troops - if they were to face a war on their eastern front now, it could be curtains.

158: The South China Sea Needs Renaming

A war which seemed a little back and forth at the start of this episode has now firmly turned in Mansur’s favour, as Malacca captures Anqing and lays heavy bombardment onto the young town of Longping. Hong Xiuquan has run out of troops and ideas, his scant armies scattered to the extent where they’re entirely ineffectual. And those naysayers who doubt Malacca’s might on land, check out the forces near Yong’an. They’re currently stationed at home, but an invasion of inland Jintian doesn’t look out of the question at all. This has been a disastrous episode for Taiping - I haven’t seen the stats for this episode yet, but you wonder if Yuan could do a number on them now, retaking Xian or Ganzhou. In the sidebar, Tuskaloosa leaves the Neutrals for the other North American states to swipe at.

159: Pawn for Pawn

As I warned, a stray knight does find its way into Bayan Tumen, while Avarga also flips back its original owner. I don’t think either are done flipping just yet, and Kaifeng may soon join the festivities as it too takes damage. Kublai celebrates taking the more strategic city by tying up some loose ends and making peace with Uzbekistan. Japan continues to rule a good chunk of Siberia. I can’t be the only one who thought that green smear would long have turned blue or purple, right?

160: Collapse of Castile

Madrid is our latest capital to fall, and looks fairly unretrievable after maybe a single flip. But on the flip side, a single ship broke rank from the bitter debate in the Atlantic and retook Seville all by their lonesome. They’ll be getting a medal for their bravery followed by execution for disobedience. Actually, it’s unlikely they’ll even make it out of Seville, with Vandal ships already blockading the port as the army that conquered Madrid is freed up to join the battle. Above Spain’s Argument Armada are some Marajoara ships, scouting out the European nations for the first time. They don’t mind the Spanish, but seem to have taken a dislike to Iceland, declaring war (and dragging Finland with them).

161: It’s Not Only the War That’s Cold

Fortunately for Kristjan, as undefended as his lands are, it likely won’t be Marajoara to steal them away from him. No land forces are in place to invade Labrador, and Greenland is equally unthreatened, with P’küee’s nearest fleet stuck in Nova Scotia, seemingly unable to pass through the Netherlander-controlled Labrador Strait. We can see those novel Dutchmen positioning some trebuchets near Niagara, ready to wipe the Neutrals off the face of the Cylinder. The Vandals are shivering.

162: The Last Watery Grave

The final ship of the northern Sicilian Armada is to be sunk just south of Sigtuna, and Germany remains in control of Scotland and its isles. Iceland considers a riposte, but their carracks probably aren’t powerful enough to overpower the stronger German fleet, even with it being much reduced. Any further German attack though is going to be seriously hampered by the Soviet peacekeepers clogging up the waterways. I know it’s very pretty up there, guys, but can’t the holiday wait til the area stops being an active warzone?

163: Who Liberates the Liberator?

The ascendent liberators of South America suddenly get a rude reminder of their place in the world, as the Marajoara declare war on Gran Colombia! At first glance these two competitors seem pretty evenly matched, but P’küee has a pretty serious tech advantage over Bolívar, especially on sea. Quito and Curuxis will surely be the first two cities on land to face bombardment, while the newly settled city of Santiago de Cali in the Caribbean could well be the first flashpoint on the waters. This is make or break for both sides here, and a serious victory on either side could well seal the fate of the region. Or there’ll be peace in five turns. You know how it is.

164: The Empty Quarter

Hussein Bin Ali made peace with their immediate threats some time ago, but it came at a great cost, with them holding only two cities on their home peninsula neighbouring the powerful nations of the Ptolemies, the Chola and, uh, the Kurds. Yes, Kurdistan snuck another city onto the Persian Gulf, and the tiny force of pikemen protecting it might actually be the biggest army in the region, with the area being largely demilitarized following the fall of Hejaz. If I had to pick a real winner in this slide, it’s the Chola - with a strong naval base in the region, they could fairly reasonably take out nearby minnow Zanzibar, and maybe wreak havoc on Lesotho’s Madagascar holdings next. The historical Chola focussed their naval expansion east, conquering Indonesia, but heading west could definitely be as fruitful.

165: The War of the Peruvian-Bolivian Succession

Bolívar faces new perils, with Paraguay being the next to declare war! But despite the two states sharing a decent border, this isn’t quite as threatening as it first appears. Paraguay’s land here is disconnected from their core, and thus difficult to reinforce; furthermore, the small army that is here is largely quite outdated. Still, any army that Bolívar has to commit to defending this border is an army that can’t be sent to hold the line against the Marajoara. It’s clear Marcus Garvey has a lot of friends in South America still, regardless.

166: Bahamania

With the Vandal navy having seemingly returned to Europe, Stuyvesant takes the opportunity to attack his relinquished Bahamas. To the south, May Pen falls to yellow damage as Bolívar is undeterred from his unpopular invasion of Jamaiti. The story is in the sidebar though - kinda. You might have noticed Spain peacing out with a lot of distant enemies, but what we can’t see is that Spain has actually managed to broker peace with the Vandals, too - leaving Seville in Spanish hands, no less! That dirty, cowardly deserter truly is a legend among Spaniards. That should leave the Vandal fleet open to re-engaging New Netherland; we’ll have to wait to see if that comes to pass.

167: Blue on Blue on Blue

Who knew Garvey had admirers down under? Well, that’s one explanation for Kulin’s declaration of war on Gran Colombia. The other is that there are three cities lying here absolutely open for the taking. Even William Barak can’t fumble this one. I’m pleased, because on my Google Map Malacca and Gran Colombia use the same colour, so getting rid of the Bolivarian islands here will get rid of the confusing juxtaposition that’s currently on the map. Speaking of Malacca though, they’re trialling some fancy new Enlightenment Era units up in Samoa - a skirmisher and a line infantry. Finally, look at Puerto Cabello. I’m not sure how a non-Gran Colombian settler has wound up inside the city somehow. But we have seen that phenomenon stop other nations from invading before, so it’s worth keeping an eye on.

168

The Mapuche have already failed at taking cities in Peru once; why not try again? They join the increasingly popular position of thinking Gran Colombia are rotters, sending the small fleet stationed at Easter Island to harass Bolívar’s older-but-larger navy. Lautaro has also declared war on Palmares. While Zumbi’s core is pretty safe, he does have that spare city hanging around in Patagonia. We’ll check in on that later.

169: May Be

Bolívar doesn’t care what the rest of the Cylinder thinks. He only knows this one truth. Jamaiti must be liberated. May Pen is on its last legs now, and we’re sure to have a triple elimination this episode… right? New Netherland hasn't moved much since we last saw them, so don’t take the stasis in the Bahamas as a sign of much.

170: May Be Not

Bolívar hadn’t even finished moving in that slide, and just moments later May Pen does in fact fall. Jamaica still has two swordsmen, possibly enough to flip the city… but, friends, I can see the future and I can tell you that Jamaica has been eliminated in 55th place.

Jamaica was never a nation destined for greatness. In Part 0 we ranked them 61st - not because we thought they’d assuredly die first, but because we couldn’t see a scenario where they’d find a path to victory. And we were ready to taste our hats when Jamaica forward settled a slow Gran Colombia, with not one but two cities on the mainland. Madness ensued. Stocks soared. The rumours spread: could Marcus Garvey be the next Henry Morgan? Well, perhaps he could have been, but it wasn’t the path he chose to take, reverting to his usual sleepiness and allowing Gran Colombia to grow and eventually remove his mainland holdings. He focussed on spreading the good word of Ras Tafari. And fittingly, it was Bolívar, the leader who he so embarrassed all those weeks ago, that dealt the final blow to his nation. Jamaica may have gone soon, but they can leave with their heads held high, the first nation to have gone out higher than their Episode 0 ranking.

171: Why Did We Even Settle Here

Bhutan and VOC make peace as Lautaro predictably makes headway on Amaro. The Patagonian Palmares stand no chance, but might at least annoy the Mapuche by flipping the city a few times with their carracks. Paraguay looms menacingly at the top - peace between these two nations can’t hold forever, and I’m looking forward to seeing Lopez go out in a blaze of glory.

172: Mitrovictory?

The Ptolemies’ invasion of Kosovo continues to stall, with Rugova retaking Mitrovice again, although it’ll hardly be the last flip with the town already at 0 health. Two Sicilies have neatly cut off further conflict with their control of the Aegean. It would take intervention from Ferdinand for this war to change at all, and given he’s got bigger schnitzels on his plate right now, we’ll be waiting a while for that. Kurdistan exists, for some reason.

173: Oh, Yuanna Keep Going?

Speaking of flipfests, Mandukhai retakes Bayan Tumen and holds onto Avarga, but neither is secure in the slightest. Indeed both sides are starting to look a little spent, especially Northern Yuan, and the war could start to slow down a little here. Meanwhile Bolívar really IS unpopular down under, as even the Anangu join the scrum. At the bottom, look at the Chukchi UU. Not seen one of those for a while. Wonder what the more modern army’s up to.

174: The New Inuit?

Oh that’s right, eviscerating the Chinook. The token defenders of Kanyak are scattered, but Comcomly does retake Konapee for the time being. It looks like this city has a few flips left in it, and might wind up being a bit of a chokehold thanks to the nearby Rockies. Still, the sudden threat of having the Chukchi as a neighbour makes Toypurina desperately sue for peace, never having expected that pithy war would actually become relevant until a stray carrack suddenly caught sight of the Icy Fleet.

175: Hundredth Time Lucky

The sidebar says the Chukchi have also declared war on Laos, but what it doesn’t report is that VOC have joined them, once again trying their hand at a war they haven’t yet managed to pull off. Not sure this will be any different either, with Laos making the first incursions near Pontianak. The Olmecs courteously decide to pardon the Neutrals for their sins, which I’m sure Tsouharissen is just delighted about. Finally, look at the Bay of Bengal. That’s not a navy to be sniffed at, and if I was the nearest bordering state I’d be terrified. Except the nearest bordering coastal cities are all Malaccan. Still, it at least means the Chola seem pretty insulated against the blue peril for now.

176: Comrade Karimov

New ideology alert! This time it’s Uzbekistan, and Islam Karimov has joined Mobutu in choosing the red flag of Communism! This is pretty exciting - usually the whole word turns pretty universally fascist, but we’re sitting at a neat 50/50 split so far. The main ideology of PARG and Perm though is the little known belief system of Staring at Mountains. Sorry to disappoint any PARG fans, but this war’s going to have to wait a few eras before either side is capable of breaking through the Urals. Perm’s army is miserably small though, and if Lenin wakes up Stephen’s days are numbered.

177: All This Talk of Frankfurt Has Made Me Hungry for Currywurst

The Cuirassiers of Hamburg have done their duty, repulsing the Bi-Sicilian invasion. Ferdinand’s forces are pushed back to his borders, but at the moment the rough terrain should keep their position pretty tenable. I’m dying for this conflict to find another combatant - Gaul, USSR, even Kosovo entering on one side or the other could seriously sway the tide of war, but currently the two titans of Europe are evenly matched. The Soviets are boasting the same Enlightenment units we saw in Malacca earlier. Now to use them, eh Lenin?

178: Oh Lord, It Really Is Tongva Time

There’s only one Prince of Polynesia, and William Barak has made his power apparent by setting fire to Popayán, while a huge navy sweeps into Puerto Cabello. But, uh, that Tongva settler’s still there, mistakenly confusing Tonga for its homeland. Easy mistake to make. As long as it’s there, sampling the local cuisine and getting a sick tan, the city’s staying Gran Colombian. This glitch is very common in Civilization V AI games, and doesn’t appear to have one specific cause or fix - all we can do is hope it moves, or wait for Barak to declare war on Toypurina too, at which point they’ll be permitted to capture the city.

179: There Are Worse Places to Be Stuck

The submarine’s awash with maracas and confetti as we enter a Golden Age. The attitude’s a bit more muted in the Coral Sea, as a Tahitian navy is trapped inside the bit of international waters within the Kulin empire. We can see a slice of the Kulin homeland, which is awash with crossbowmen - seemingly the only land unit William Barak’s willing to build on the continent, great for defending against ships, terrible for taking back cities that Malaccan Jongs have effortlessly seized before you’ve had a chance to process the war declaration.

180: Rastafari Revenge

Bolívar’s folly haunts him, the Jamaican Memorial Armies making short work of his home forces as an advanced Marajoara army advances on Quito. Not only that, but P’küee has a powerful new wonder to his name. Kronborg is an Enlightenment Era wonder that provides bonus HP to all coastal cities and increases production of naval units in the city it was built by 50%. And P’küee built in Aqualtene - that’s the city he took from the Palmares on Hispaniola, AKA a fantastic place to build shittons of naval units. Silver linings for Colombia though: Paraguay don’t look to be able to string together an attack on Caracas, or if there is one coming it’s mostly made up of composite bowmen, which Bolívar’s knights should tear through.

181: Who Needs a Baby Boom?

I took a brief look at the sidebar and got incredibly excited for a moment, before I processed it properly. Finland has not declared a daring/braindead war against the Soviets, but are instead waging war on Germany, a nation they have no hope of touching. Still, sometimes these wars point to a larger coalition incoming, so watch this space. Finland’s carpet isn’t hopelessly outdated, but wedged between a similar-looking Sweden and the soft terror of the Soviets, you do begin to realise why they’ve been so quiet all game. Peace brings prosperity of course, and Helsinki is the first city to break 40 population in the game.

182: Cleaning Up for the Cartographers

Can’t say we didn’t all see that one coming. Amaro falls to the Mapuche, and it’s clear a possible flip would do little to affect the city’s fate. It’s good to see the Mapuche aren’t razing cities, as civs start to enter the eras where happiness becomes less of an issue. Lautaro has worked hard on settling every little island down here, a strategy that may pay off if a trans-Pacific war breaks out and requires serious naval firepower.

183: Trust Me, Yuanna Look Away

The Two Yuan Front has finally stabilised and, surprise surprise, it’s with all cities in the hands of their original owners. Seeing the war is nothing but a stalemate, Kublai Khan makes peace… with the Tongva, halfway across the Cylinder. There might actually still be worth in this war, after all - the Northern Yuan army looks scary until you realise the backup forces are mostly scouts. Still, Kublai could do with building a few more musketmen, and teching up to cannons, if he wants to really deal decisive blows on Mandukhai.

184: Soon-to-Be Kaliningrad

Lenin actually declares a war on a neighbour, though it’s not quite the fireworks we were hoping for, as he picks his newest border Sweden. The incredibly advanced army should make short work of Königsberg, but from there it’s a trip to flip town as the lack of a Soviet navy in the Baltic means the Swedish can sail back in unharassed as many times as they like. The Teutons wonder how they’re still alive. There are actually some other important war declarations to note. Perm and Spain declare war on Germany, the former being unable to touch them and the latter possibly able to harass their ships up near Scotland, but not to a threatening extent. Still, two more local declarations of war point to an increasing anger against the Germans, who could soon face a more serious combatant. For the time being though, they’re laughing, as every new war brings them more production. There’s another important war we’ll get to soon. Promise.

185: What Would You Put in a Communist Sandwich

Gjakovë takes a smidgen of damage from a crossbowman, but nothing to really trouble Ferdinand for now, especially as Germany’s cuirassiers actually return up north. Enough of that though - another new ideology! And true to our current back and forth between the two main belief systems, it’s another autocrat, this time Moshoeshoe of Lesotho! That creates a very interesting dynamic in Africa, with Communist Zaire sandwiched by Fascist Nigeria and Lesotho. Could Mobutu regret answering the call of the worker? We’ll see! But all things must be equal, and at some point we’ve also picked up another ideology (most likely on the same turn as one of the others), and of course, it’s gotta be Communism! And knock me down, it’s the Germans! Communist Germany and Fascist Soviets - we’re heading into reverse WW2, baby. Does this make Honecker the new German leader? I’ll leave that to lore wizards.

186: Sharpening the Tusks

As promised, the other war - Tuskaloosa needs a cheap win to make up for an episode of losses, and he picks the right candidate, the continent’s only bigger loser, Comcomly. This is no idly issued threat, with a huge array of cannons prepared to support the front-line forces outside Nemah. Still, it’s a bit of a chokepoint, so it definitely won’t be a walkover. And it’s difficult to see what difference taking the city would make to Mississippi’s overall power levels. I mean if they take Nemah, we Power Rankers will boost them up by about 10 ranks, but we’re easily pleased and not to be trusted.

187: I’m Sure This War Means a Lot to the People of Tampere

Okay, I’m sorry, I was clearly deeply mistaken when I said Finland-Germany was a dead-end war. Instead the Germans have taken advantage of open borders with Sweden to mildly harass the little Finnish fleet outside Tampere. Truly, the height of drama. Fittingly, Finland also declares war against Perm, yet another war against a nation that’s just out of reach, seemingly a trend at the moment. The real story’s in the minimap, though. Faced with an invasion from the east, Comcomly sues for peace with the Chukchi, forced to give up Nechacolee, Kanyak, Konapee and Neacoxie and leaving him with just a six city core. It’s a major fall from grace for a nation that seemed perfectly secure a couple of episodes ago, but the attention has to focus on the Chukchi, who have now proven their worth on two continents. After being bruised by Yakuts, Khamugs and Evenks, have we finally got a Far East Russian contender on our hands?

188: Hebrides Harangued

And as I did predict we do see conflict up in Scotland as the Germans bombard Córdoba, though the little Spanish contingent off the coast of Valencia should see them off next turn. Of far more interest in this shot though is just to the north: Iceland did indeed use the carnage caused by Two Sicilies to reclaim their island! It doesn’t look particularly in danger of flipping again for the time being either, the German units nearby being by and large ranged units. A little note of optimism to finish on.

As yes, that is indeed all for today. Three more eliminations! The first episode I ever narrated back in Mk 2 was also a triple-kill episode, so this seems very fortuitous. Thanks for joining us for this extra bumper episode of the Civ Battle Royale. Thanks to ECH for narrating the majority of the episode (and what fine narration it was too!) I mentioned my Google Map a few slides back - if you’re wondering what I was talking about, I’ll be posting a link to it on the subreddit in a day or two, once it’s updated to the current episode. Look forward to seeing oodles of information and lore for every city on the Cylinder! For now though I bid thee adieu.

Episode 10: The Historians’ Hand – S2

Abstract

1: A Turbulent Age

2: Pretty Fair

3: Old Reliable

4: Chukchi Cartography

5: Scrutinising Seko

6: The Icy Campaign

7: Descent, Ascent

08: Desert Drowsiness

09: Antlers and Furs

10: 1153 squared

11: The Spanish Armada

12: The War of Closed Ports

13: Sai-Jong

14: A Reich-oning

15: As Canopies Fall

16: Mississippi Burning

17: Partitioning Paraitonion

18: Swords and Smoke

19: Dwindling Defence

20: Sai-Gone

21: Wuxi Woes

22: The Dene Shield

23: Treaties and Tribulations

24: The Thin Grey Line

25: Hello, Hilo

26: Projection Errors

27: Pretty Bad for Badr

28: Play…

29: …by Play

30: By the Riverbank

31: North Sea Blows

32: Formosan Switcharoos

33: Porcelain Towns

34: Gradual War

35: Atop the Atlas

36: Paradox of Choice

37: Sub-Zero Settlement

38: Culture, not Conquest

39: Questionable Boldness

40: Peace in our Thimphu

41: Kurdish Dawn

42: A Fading

43: Shikoku: Relevant?

44: Daring a Jab

45: Real Estate Speculation

46: The Walls…

47: …Come Crashing Down

48: Cyprus Sentries

49: The Natural Beachhead

50: High-Risk Investment

51: Rewind Time!

52: Entering Open Doors

53: Pearl River Glimmer

54: Kick While They’re Down

55: Spite is a Powerful Motivator

56: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/416378745646219276/445057042399625217/unknown.png

57: Kill Kincaid

58: A Transatlantic Cruise

59: Ebb and Flow

60: Shandong Wrongs

61: What a Kancoucho Move

62: Priorities

63: Don’t Bottle This

64: A Cape of Little Hope

65: Ash and Sand

66: The Yellow Tide

67: German Towel Placing

68: Shhhhh

69: Starboard, Portmore

70: For Frig-ates Sake

71: The Scenic Route

72: DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE

73: Competency

74: Dari Girls

75: The Pyre

76: A Polite and Proper F

77: The Soviet Brotherhood

78: Reinforcement