Civ Battle Royale September 08, 2021
Bulletproof Cookie & ItsTruckMonth
481
The affairs of nations big and small are interrupted by the ambitions of their fellow states. The actions taken today will forever alter the course of the cylinder.
The time has come once more to catch up on the latest episode of CBRX Season 2! Your (main) host for this evening (or afternoon, night, morning, whatever) is I, Bulletproof_Cookie, and I promise you that there will be many hijinks going on for the next 40 turns!
N.B.: A notable portion of this episode was narrated by ItsTruckMonth, so any slides narrated by them will be credited as such.
Here is the always excellent Vihreaan Tile-Accurate Map!
Hmm, that’s funny... I don’t seem to recall the Vandals losing the war against Marajoara that badly, or Mapuche taking out Paraguay, or Nigeria being the size of the Boer-HEY, wait a minute! This isn’t the CBRXS2 Map!
Alright, here’s the real Episode 15 Map! Take a good look, because some civilizations will be noticeably bigger/smaller by the end of this episode!
A big thanks to everyone who has donated to the CBRX Ko-Fi. Your support is greatly appreciated and keeps the Babylonian sub running.
Alright, I’m going to try something different to the usual “Here’s the #1 Civ this Week” PR slide (The #1 Civ was Nigeria again for those who didn’t know), and focus on a civ whose rank changed dramatically.
So this week we put a spotlight on Hawaii, who ascend 10 places up to 38 after having eliminated the VOC in the last episode. The elimination surprised many and separated Hawaii from the other rumps that did nothing or failed. I do not expect anything else from Hawaii outside of their inevitable death.
We resume our bi-weekly scheduled artificial civilization slaughterfest in the winter of 2040 AD, where the war between Rio Grande and The Mississippi rages on as the former advances north and pushes the latter into Canada. The cities of Nodena, Fox Farm and Atahachi are currently at the forefront of the attack, and judging by the choice of Siege units as the main attacking force of choice, Tuskaloosa may wish to swiftly reconsider their strategy. We also get a good glimpse of The Dene's carpet of Infantry, Paratroopers and Anti-Aircraft ready to be deployed when needed.
I would also like to know where that Gallic settler in Dene territory is heading to.
With Medina “ripe for the swipe”, Cleopatra watches on from her palace nervously as any turn now the Nigerian army could finish off The Ptolemies once and for all. Thankfully, she is surrounded by Battle Copters and Aircraft Carriers, so until a unit capable of capturing a city arrives, she survives to see another day.
TruckMonth: Yikes. In another case of “dumb as hell peace deals towards civs that possess absolutely no threat to you whatsoever,” the Olmecs have given up Papaloapan, one of their two remaining cities, to Palmares, confirming their membership into the city-state club. Then again, considering this “city” is arguably nothing more than a hobo camp within a Marajoaran fortress, I’d say it wasn’t THAT bad of a loss.
Meanwhile Zanzibar actually has a meaningful presence in their war with Rio Grande as they trade blows alongside their Marajoaran allies. Friendly reminder: they aren’t taking those cities.
Sine has taken a lot of damage from Zaire’s Bombers, and will surely fall should Zaire get a melee unit to the city. Kurdistan retaliates by taking pot shots at Tabuk.
TruckMonth: In the ongoing war between Germany and Two Sicilies continuing from the last part, Palermo falls yet again to German Infantry. With no naval presence in the Adriatic and a small land military, it’s probably a safe bet that it’ll stay in Deustch hands.
All the while, almost all of Two Sicilies’ core cities have taken heavy damage, including Naples, which is in the deep black.
TruckMonth: Due to Uzbek paratrooper shenanigans, the Yuan unfortunately look to stay alive for a while. Hell, the Chukchi, who have the city within its borders and have both a privateer and cavalry unit adjacent, cannot take it. All the while Hetu Ala is in the yellow, and the Yuan have literally no military. Period.
In other, less infuriating, news: Nigeria has built yet another wonder, being the Forbidden City. Not much of a useful wonder in terms of helping with domination, though it does have bonuses to happiness in non-occupied cities.
Bulletproof_Cookie: They also 2 extra delegates, meaning they will soon be able to make proposals.
TruckMonth: In a bid to expand their Para-nesian empire, Solano sends privateers towards Tai’arapu. All of his ships on the frontlines, however, look to have taken a considerable amount of damage, and it’s debatable as to whether the city could actually fall here.
TruckMonth: Back to the American battlegrounds, the former Chinookian city of Nemah sits in the deep red, but with no melee units nearby it’s highly unlikely to fall at this point.
Considering the Mississippi can only guard it with a field gun, I’d say Comcomly should seize the opportunity and attack. It won’t help the fact that he’s absolutely screwed but hey, what’s one last conquest before you go out?
TruckMonth: As expected, the Marajoaran forces haven’t even scratched the 499 defense city of Swaanendael, and the Rio Grande seem to be launching a counterattack, flipping Wiltwyck before quickly losing it again.
Btw, Wiltwyck was settled in the exact same spot that it’s ancestor stood before the Vandals razed it. The vikings were foolish to think they could kill the Wiltwyck Man.
TruckMonth: The Dene have made peace with the Neutrals, and with paratroopers and bazookas nearby they could’ve easily eliminated the city of Niagara.
That said, the Neutrals aren’t out of the woods just yet: the New Netherlands are still eager to wipe out their old rivals, but with Spanish peacekeepers and rough terrain, it may be harder than initially expected.
TruckMonth: Dene peacekeepers decide that they are tired of the bitter winters of the Canadian tundra, and take a lovely vacation to Malacca’s Chinese territories.
On the sidebar, we see Nigeria has built ANOTHER wonder, being the Shanghai World Financial Center. Unfortunately that wonder is borderline useless, considering Nigeria’s pumping out roughly the same amount of gold that the wonder provides in one turn.
TruckMonth: The war between Uzbekistan and Sweden somehow becomes semi-relevant as Uzbek gunships start to damage the heavily citadeled Swedish capital. Despite Uzbekistan’s heavy tech lead in comparison to the Swedes, they still need more manpower to make serious gains here (and by that, I mean units that can actually take cities).
Here we observe the fading Spanish empire. It must suck to hold only a few cities and know you’ll never get Madrid or Barcelona back.
TruckMonth: Aaaaaaaand the dreams of Para-nesia seem to already be on death’s door as the Paraguayan fleet has all but disappeared, and the Tahitian navy has launched a counter offensive to take back Teti’aroa, bringing it down to half health.
Maybe this is the powder keg that sets Solano’s bloodlust off? Nah, he’ll almost still be the somewhat peaceful leader we absolutely don’t want him to be, but it’s fun to think about.
TruckMonth: Ok, yep, Uzbekistan has really started to take this war seriously, as not only has he brought Stockholm down to half health, but has started damaging Narva and Sundsvall!
Uzbek troopers are coming in from all angles, and despite this war just becoming relevant, the Swedish military is already looking worryingly thin.
TruckMonth: Angel Mounds is the next city to fall to the encroaching Rio Grande military, and Nodena fell the previous turn. The geography of the Great Lakes region, as well as the thick Mississippian carpet, will turn further pushes into meat grinders, and cities into pure flip-fests.
All the while, a menacing and advanced Dene carpet looks on.
TruckMonth: In a war that I’m baffled is still raging on, Malacca has still been unable to take any cities off the Anangu, merely damaging the city of Amata with planes. With no land units in sight, it remains unlikely that Malacca, a top 5 power and former number one civ, will take any cities off Tjilpi, a rump state.
TruckMonth: Scattered naval battles occur in the Southern Pacific between the Kulin and the Mapuche, as Barak brings in state-of-the-art missile cruisers and destroyers to combat their Patagonian adversaries. I highly doubt the Kulin will make any meaningful gains other than maybe, possibly flipping Mapuche’s Antarctic holdings, but it’s the thought that counts.
What’s more eye-catching, however, is the news in the sidebar: Nigeria has made peace with the Ptolemies, robbing us of yet another easy elimination.
A new session of the United Nations begins, with Germany pushing the word of Lutheranism down everyone’s throats and Kosovo persuading the world leaders to end of all trade with the Kulin.
TruckMonth: The Rio Grande further pushes into the Carribean, damaging Heemstede, Portmore and Santa Brigida. The Marajoaran forces still seem pretty strong here, so any gains here will not be without contention.
In Central America, Rio Grande gunships proceed to pillage the great fortress of Papaloapan. The local hobos, who seem a little different today, pay no mind to this, and continue with their capoeira dance, catching the eye of a wandering musician, hailing from frozen lands.
TruckMonth: Just like that, the dream of Para-nesia has come to an end, as a Tahitian line-infantry has taken back Teti’aroa. There are Paraguayan ships nearby, but I don’t believe it’ll be enough to take the city yet again.
I may just be speculating here, but I don’t think Solano would take the news very kindly.
The United Nations seem to have their priorities straight, as the embargo on the Kulins succeeds while the World Religion proposal fails. A lone (slightly wounded) Zaire Unique Unit stands proudly on an Uzbek citadel.
TruckMonth: Uzbek forces have now brought Stockholm to the red, and Narva to the deep black! Paratroopers are en route via Finland, so we could very well see Uzbek holdings in Sweden.
Sweden’s navy does have the capability to flip said cities back should they fall, so expect a couple of flips along the Baltic coast.
TruckMonth: William Barak has pushed missile cruisers towards their former city of Yowengerra, and have begun to damage the Mapuche’s Antarctic conquest. They will need an actual melee unit to take it however, of which I see none in sight (other than a paratrooper but let’s be real here).
Meanwhile Two Sicilies and Germany have finally declared peace. Don’t worry, we’ll look at those results soon enough.
TruckMonth: Looks like Solano has decided to let loose after the Para-nesia plan fell through, and decides to take it out on Palmares! Dambrapanga and Zumbi both begin to take damage, but still look far from falling.
Paraguay also can’t help but flex their unique unit, the Aca Vera. This cavalry unit ignores zone of control, and gains +3 combat strength for every enemy it starts adjacent to, making it an extremely useful unit amongst the carpet of Palmares units.
Bulletproof_Cookie: Nigeria builds the Hubble Bubble Double Trouble Space Telescope. It gives them 2 free Great Scientists and a (useless) Spaceship Factory.
With their Osakan territory gone, Japan is stuck on its home island until the Chukchi, Malacca or someone else ultimately puts them out of their misery. In another timeline, the Pacific Ocean could’ve been all theirs.
TruckMonth: Sundsvall and Stockholm join Narva in being reduced to the deep black, but still look like they have yet to fall. The Uzbek offensive force is starting to look somewhat thin here, and the paratroopers adjacent to Sweden’s cities are looking worse for wear. Karimov may want to look into sending even more troops in if he really desires Swedish lands.
Oof, the Chinook have been citadeled heavily by Tongva, and I’m not sure how many titles either city has left anymore.
TruckMonth: Danganronp- I mean, Dambrapanga has fallen to Paraguay, and with multiple units surrounding it, the city looks safe to fly light blue colors. Meanwhile it looks like progress towards taking Zumbi is slow, though the Palmares land force is hemorrhaging, and fast.
Thank god for that peace deal, otherwise the Palmares would’ve kicked the bucket, right U Kix Chan?
TruckMonth: Angel Mounds is recaptured by a Mississippian galleon, but with infantry adjacent, Rosillo looks to recapture the city. All the while, Murphy Mound is yet another city to add to the Rio Grande’s collection, and Tuskalooska’s forces north of the Great Lakes are really starting to thin out here.
TruckMonth: Lesotho declares war on the Vandals, eyeing their Antarctic trading post of Hadrumetum. The Vandals actually look to have an upper hand in this war, boasting an overall larger and more technologically advanced navy compared to Moshoeshoe’s forces. This war could easily backfire for our bright green African friends.
TruckMonth: Naval skirmishes between Palmares and Paraguay continue just outside the maritime borders of Nigeria, as Solano’s naval forces push into and begin thining out Palmares’ waterbound defenses. Zumbi is still somehow in the green, and actually looks to have somehow healed a bit?
TruckMonth: Angel Mounds and Fox Farm flip to the Rio Grande and Mississippi respectively, and magenta gunships begin laying down fire upon Jaketown, marking their first advances across the Great Lakes. Smoke spewing from the charred remains of Mississippian citadels begin to darken the skies above New England’s rump states.
Down south, Mapuche discovers the wonders of nuclear weaponry. Perhaps he’ll use any means necessary to fend off the Aussie aggressors?
TruckMonth: The Uzbek forces within Sweden have been, for the most part, driven out, and Sweden’s cities have begun to heal. The worst may still be to come however, as a metaphorical and literal wall of paratroopers sit idle in the USSR.
Meanwhile Saint Stephen decides that in a world filled with autocrats and communists, Perm should stand out. Thus, he chooses FREEDOM BAYBEE WOOOOOOOO USP USP!
In all seriousness, parroting Lincoln’s America back in Mark 2 is bold move, as it only increases the chances that he’ll be wiped out by the Soviets or Uzbeks.
TruckMonth: Call me a prophet, as Lesotho’s war against the Vandals has completely backfired. The green navy has almost completely disappeared, and Vandal ships are arriving at South Africa’s shores. Given the Lesotho land carpet there’s basically no way the Vandals will take any cities here, Hell they’ll be lucky to flip them.
The peacekeepers have invaded the frontlines of Sine and Tabuk, causing the Zaire/Kurdistan war to crawl to a stalemate. Though I don’t think Kurdistan will gain any ground by sending half a dozen Field Cannons out in front.
TruckMonth: Progress remains slow in the Palmares war, all that there is to report on here is that there are little changes in the front lines, Zumbi is still in the green, and the Palmares navy is continuing to thin out.
I would’ve said those Palmares units up in North America would’ve been helpful, but in hindsight they probably wouldn’t have.
TruckMonth: The Uzbeks finally take Stockholm! While Sweden has the capability to take it back given their naval presence, more Uzbek units are funneling through Soviet territory, and Stockholm could be reduced to a flip fest. Sundsvall and Narva remain in the deep red, although the former does have an Uzbek paratrooper adjacent.
Meanwhile, Big River has developed their first Big Bomb.
TruckMonth: While not present on the sidebar, I can confirm that the two giants of NA, the Rio Grande and the Dene, are coming to blows. This could be a make or break moment for the Dene, as Rosillo has not glitch buffed his new Miss conquests yet, and could certify the Dene as the big dog in NA. Given that massive carpet of paratroopers and infantry, they easily have the means to.
Also in the screenshot: Fox Farm and Angel Mounds are recaptured by Tuskalooska’s forces, Chinook peaces out with the Dene, and Malacca declares on Rio, which given Malacca’s Californian colonies could be fairly relevant.
TruckMonth: A lone Vandal destroyer sits behind enemy lines, down to half health. Their only path back to friendly territory is blocked by a Lesotho destroyer at full health. Their chances of making it back to Hadrumetum don’t look good.
The Vandals have many homes: North Africa, Iberia, Americana, Simia, etc. Perhaps the depths of the Madagascar coast will be added to the list of places the Vandals call home, well, at least for these poor souls.
TruckMonth: Malaccan naval forces and Dene paratroopers tag team the west coast of the Rio Grande. While they can definitely thin out the military forces here, they have no chance in hell of taking a city here.
Meanwhile, a Kulin carpet is beginning to form up in Mexico and Hawaii. Apparently birrias and poke have become trendy down in Coranderrk.
TruckMonth: Back to the Caribbean front! Wiltwyck has fallen back to the Rio Grande, Heemstede has fallen down into the black, and a privateer accompanied by gunships moves towards Portmore. While these cities could not be much of a loss to the Marajoara, it’s safe to say this war has backfired on P’kuee, being a massive waste of military manpower, and resulting in a flipped and pillaged Carribean core.
TruckMonth: Finally, progress in this war! Zumbi is now down to the deep red and has multiple Paraguayan melee units adjacent, and Andalaquituxe has begun to take damage. The Palmares land military is a shell of what it was at the beginning of this war, and their navy isn’t doing too hot either.
TruckMonth: The Dene have already made big moves by already taking Nodena from the Rio Grande, and pushing towards the former Miss capital of Cahokia.
The biggest news is down south, however. Saltillo is at half health, indicating that the FIRST NUKE OF SEASON 2 HAS BEEN DEPLOYED BOYS, and spoiler alert: it’s only gonna get juicier from here. That said, Dene troops still aren’t gonna take it due to it’s still ridiculous strength levels.
Bulletproof_Cookie: Damn, the Dene are not here to mess around...
TruckMonth: Up in an overshadowed front, Spanish and Dene peacekeepers still make life hard for Peter, giving him only one feasible path to funnel troops into Niagara. The Neutrals still look poised to live on, outlasting other civs.
Mississippian Quebec looks pretty sparse in this shot, perhaps the Vandals could hop in and nab a coastal city or two?
With their first opportunity to make proposals, Awololo proposes an Embargo on Germany as he is sick and tired of Wilhelm slowly pushing embargos on the major players and knows that he will eventually suggest an Embargo on Nigeria, anyway.
TruckMonth: Lesotho has decided to quickly and abruptly make peace with the Vandals, and we can see how awfully the war backfired for Moshoeshoe: Motimposo is in the yellow, and Maputsoe is down in the red! Granted, the Vandals definitely wouldn’t have held onto those cities, but it’s still quite an embarrassing loss for the hat boys down south.
TruckMonth: Another nuke has been dropped on the Rio Grande, this time being on the recently founded city of Montemorelos! That said, the Rio Grande have fended off the initial Dene charge towards Cahokia, and in response, Thanadelthur decides to send troops towards the obscenely defended Moundville, dooming her troops to an immediate and unexplainable death (at least, to them).
TruckMonth: The Swedes have, as expected, managed to retake Stockholm for the time being, and Sundsvall has healed up to the yellow. Uzbek troops still exist and funnel in from German citadels, likely to take Narva and retake Stockholm.
TruckMonth: Murphy Mound is the next city to fall to the Dene assault, all the while Rio has yet to take back Angel Mound and Fox Farm from the Mississippians. Overall, it looks like the geography and the new inclusion of the Dene into the mix has completely halted Rio’s advancement into Mississippian lands, even though some cities still look quite ripe for the swipe.
Andalaquituxe has now dropped into the deep black, yet Zumbi still remains in the red. Given the continued push by Paraguay, and the ongoing phenomenon known as “bouta head out” syndrome taking over the Palmares forces, the cities are good as Paraguayan at this point, save for a miraculous peace deal.
Narva has fallen, which provides the breakthrough the Uzbek units needed to cross the Swedish border. The Swedish citizens cannot be happy with their leader for letting it come to this.
HOLY BLUFF, INDEED! The Dene fire a third nuke, targeting Holly Bluff and surely by this point the people of Rio Grande are in a state of panic. Where are they getting so many of these things and when will they stop? This news completely overshadows the capture of Fox Farm, which I'm sure the few citizens that are still alive in that city aren't too thrilled about getting nuked, either!
Here we see what used to be Burkina Faso's core. Now it is merely another part of the great Nigerian Empire. The Zaire units still appear to be peacekeeping Ubari for whatever reason.
We are 500 turns into this season's Battle Royale, and Ibn Battuta has chosen to mark this occasion by celebrating the wealthiest empires across the cylinder. To no one's surprise, the Vandals maintain their top spot thanks to their Trade Route Shenanigans.
The aforementioned Kulin forces monitor the West Coast situation in the Hawaiian and RG terrain as an attempt is being made to wear down Yaanga with helicopters whose pilots are too lazy to strike in the sky so they resort to firing from boats (there is also a destroyer there and Artillery stationed three tiles east). Malacca's navy will be certain to remove the naval copters and destroyer before the city can be taken.
The Palmares are no more as Paraguay makes short work of what was left of their core, taking Zumbai and Andalaquituxe. The few military units that Palmares has will surely die soon after.
The Palmares never recovered from their war with the Vandals in the early game when they lost their capital, and have since been slowly deteriorating as their neighbors absorbed what was left of their core. Perhaps their brightest moment was a random peace deal where they took the Olmecs' only other city this episode... Hey, hold on a minute... They still have Papaloapan, don't they?
Well then, turns out Zumbi made a brilliant play in hindsight! I mean, being a city-state is never a good thing, but it's a better thing than having no cities to play with, right?
The Dene march on with more nukes up their sleeve as paratroopers are ordered to move south and infiltrate the nearest cities within Rio Grande territory. Their prime targets are Cahokia and Castalian Springs.
Good news! The operation is a success! Bad news! Their own city Grand Village got nuked! Antonio has had enough of Thanadelthur’s nonsense and is ready to return the radioactive favour. You know the old saying “You play with fire, you're going to get burned?” Antonio's message is pretty similar; ”You play with nukes, you're going to get nuked!”
Yes, the nuclear games have indeed begun, and the residents of Like-A-Fishhook become the latest victims of nuclear warfare, though seemingly none of them have died from the latest drop (since the city hasn't lost half of its population. Meanwhile, a Gallic settler ponders whether two unclaimed tiles will be enough to build an exclave from.
On the southern front, Rio Grande captures Heemstede, but the presence of Great War Infantry most likely means that it'll flip back to P'kuee.
Yup, I don't think Zumbi is getting any of his cities back as the last of their forces are withering away. Solano now has to think of away to deal with his remaining SOuth American neighbours in Marajoara and Mapuche.
The Olmecs are in the midst of a Golden Age for whatever reason. I guess they were just glad that they didn't have to bother maintaining order in Papaloapan, anymore.
Uzbekistan's colonisation of Scandinavia continues with the capture of Norrkoping, and they hope to add Sundsvall to their empire soon. The power of Paratroopers is proving to be a bit much for what analysts predicted to be the second best civ pre-game.
The Rio Grande workforce travel north to clear out all the nuclear fallout; their families worried about the possible health risks of working in a radioactive environment that is prone to more nuclear fallout. Helicopters and Artillery guard the city of Linares from getting captured and leave Moundville to its own device, because they all know Moundville's ridiculous defense will stop them from falling.
It is with great sadness that I unfortunately report the passing of the Neutral Warrior stationed in North Asia. His death appears to be a result of a Declaration of War from Bhutan leader Jigme Singye Wangchuck. The slide you see here is the last recorded footage of the unit, where he is being ambushed by the ruthless Bhutan Lancer. Rest in peace, Neutral Warrior. You did more for your empire than your empire ever did.
Collusion occurs between the borders of The Gauls and The Vandals as Japanese terrorists attempt to sneak inside the Capital of Bibracte to do God knows what but are stopped by the Gallic military who are prepared for such Eastern invasions.
Hmm... Rio Grande's core seems very barren as of this moment, no doubt a result of their wars against the Mississippi, and the Dene, Marajoara, and Malacca. Speaking of the Dene, since they are being pushed back (having lost Cahokia in the process), Thanadelthur has ordered the firing of two more nuclear missiles against Montemorelos and Ciudad Camargo.
Part of me wonders if these cities of hundreds defense would fall if they were nuked of all of their hitpoints, but I would reckon almost no unit (outside of maybe the endgame units that have 150+ Combat Strength) would be strong enough to actually capture a 0HP 513 Defense city without dying during the attempt.
The Mississippian army have heard of Antonio's troubles against the Dene and are hoping to retake their beloved Fox Farm back amidst all the nuclear chaos. Rio Grande, on the other hand, are hoping to sneak a paratrooper past their citadels and snatch Jaketown from them while they're distracted.
All this nuclear destruction is leading the Dene Peoples to a new Golden Age, and they celebrate by nuking the outskirts of Saltillo. The populace in Laredo pray every day that the nuclear onslaught never reaches them.
If there was ever a point you thought that there was an alliance between Mississippi and the Dene, well... This has just become a three-way dance. Thanadelthur has decided that the Mississippian territory in Canada will be of great strategic assistance against the threat of Rio Grande, and has ordered his soldiers to storm Boyd Mounds. This aggression may or may not be partially to get back Gameti, too.
Meanwhile, in Rio Grande's Mexican holdings, the Kulin peacekeepers are enjoying their jolly holiday tour from Jimenez to Guerrero. The only big criticism they have during their stay is the Malaccan bombings in Reynosa.
Both Mississippi and Rio Grande recognise the more prominent menace on their continent right now, and agree to end their conflict. However, it is clear Antonio only agreed to peace should he acquire almost half of his remaining empire. He had no choice but to forfeit Angel Mounds, Kincaid, Atahachi, Etowah, Emerald Mound, and Boyd Mounds (half of which the Dene were just going to take anyway). Tuskaloosa... More like Tuska-loser!
The Dene fleet move in to paint the waters with Mississippian blood. Cloverdale is surrounded by Attack Helicopters and Paratroopers are landing on the doorsteps of Spiro and Mound Bottom. The Dene Peoples are also gunning to grab a few of them peace offerings from Antonio's hands.
Nemah was also a part of the peace trade, and now the Dene are itching to take that city, too. Meanwhile, a majority of the residents in Like-A-Fishhook have succumbed to the complications of radiation poisoning if not outright killed from the blasts.
We get a good look of the occupied capitals of Hawaii and Tahiti, now under the watchful eye of Lawtiliwadlin. The Chukchi air force have established bases here to further fortify their islands. Also, the pacific ocean is getting pretty packed!
The Uzbek and Lesothian peacekeepers have caused a stalemate between Zaire and Kurdistan. Tabuk remains in Mobutu's hands and Sine's place in the Kurdistan empire is safe... For now.
The pink colours are washed away by blue and green as the Dene flip Boyd Mounds, Kincaid and Etowah. The naval battle is going in Mississippi's favour thanks to ironclads trumping the very, very, VERY outdated Carracks in Thanadelthur’s fleet. The tides may turn though once more Destroyers are built.
Inspired by the wonders of the atomic bomb, Raja Raja I builds the Manhattan in the hopes that one day they wield such a weapon of Mass Destruction.
Kaiser Wilhelm II, enraged by the decision of the United Nations to enact the embargo of Germany (shocker, a civ that keeps getting others embargoed might get embargoed back), proposes the immediate repeal of such a draconian bill. The other members of the UN seem less interested in listening to Wilhelm's tantrums and more excited about Awolowo's proposition of building an International Space Station. The board agrees on one condition... It's gotta be a race to Space for some reason.
There used to be fertile land pictured in this area, but now... Mother nature has become a victim to the greed and wrath of men. The earth's soil weeps in fear that the rest of the cylinder will one day be a wasteland such as here.
Sweden recovers Stockholm once more, but it is certain to fall alongside Sundsvall and Vasteras soon enough. This is what happens when you fail to live up to expectations, folks.
Speaking of expectations... JIMINY FUCKING CRICKETS VLADIMIR LENIN WOULD YOU FUCKING DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN TURTLE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I HAVE BEEN WAITING ALL GAME TO SEE YOU BLOODY CONQUER SOMETHING AND YOU HAVE DONE JACK SHIT!
RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHHH! *Takes a glass of water*
The Republic of Amata continues to hold strong against the Malaccan planes flying above the city of Amata. With Malacca's refusal to attack the land units surrounding the city (so they can send a few of their own land units ashore), it seems that we will continue to see Tjilipi's rumped civilization for the foreseeable futur-whoa, hold your horses, folks. Is that... A Kulin Paratrooper attacking Milyirrtjarra?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkDMz2ml0gw
[“Oh no!” - Knuckles The Echidna (Sonic Adventure)]
But that's not the only war William Barak declared as Kulin are now battling it out against The Marajoara! This is bad news for Guayaquil as it is next door to Tunja and an armada of Marjoram Battleships and Privateers. I don't think I need to tell you how that one is going to go down.
The tides are indeed turning as the Dene's production is proving too much to chew for Mississippi, as their navy around Gameti is dwindling. They have managed to flip back Etowah, though!
YIKES! That only took one turn and there's no way those outdated units are going to take back any of the three cities! I would have thought they may have lasted another turn before losing all three, but then again with a carpeted core right on their doorstep, there was really nothing stopping Kulin from just flicking them off the cylinder with their middle finger.
So, um, why did we vote this civ in over the Kimberley again? The Anangu did two things this season; they stupidly sent their military out into the seas which allowed Kulin to rump them very early on, and then they became relatively stupid in terms of tech which allowed Kulin to kill them without trying with vastly superior units. In short, a stupid civ that did a stupid thing and got punished for being stupid.
Don't be stupid, kids. Be a smarty! (But do not come and join your nazi party.)
The in-game text informs us that Rio Grande has successfully captured Wiltwyck! So yeah, shame we don't see Wiltwyck on this slide. So enjoy Castalian Springs being flanked by two helicopters instead!
“Hopeless Tank to Doomed Bazooka, I repeat, Hopeless Tank to Doomed Bazooka, I'M IN! I've entered Marajoaran territory, Coordinates two tiles down from Curuxis. Commencing Operation Stealth Swipe.. OH GOD! THERE IS SO MANY ARTILLERY! WHY IS THERE SO MANY ARTILLERY! I-I'M SURROUNDED BY THEM! HELP! I NEED BACKUP! I REPEAT! I NEED BAC”-
TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED
With Cloverdale's capture, the Dene sail towards Gameti and begin the assault. The Anangu troops that have been in North America all episode receive rumours that the Republic of Amata has fallen, and now search for a new place to settle down. Certainly not in this nuclear hell!
In other news, Malacca makes peace the Anangu refugees now that there are no cities to take, and Nigeria adds the Helios Microwave Power Satellite to their wonder collection, so now any Nigerian city with a Solar Plant deals 10 damage each turn to enemy units adjacent to said city.
The former Georgian city Batumi is proving to be a useful base for deploying Air Units and Paratroopers in their war against catboys. You can also see the technological difference between the USSR and Finnish and Great Perm empires. (So why don't you bloody attack them already, Lenin?) *Takes another glass of water*
The Space Race seems to be progressing smoothly judging by that icon to the right. Who will win? We'll find out soon enough!
You thought we had seen the last of nuclear warfare in this episode? You thought wrong, because Thebacha joins the list of cities that have been nuked this episode. A Peru-Bolivian Composite Bowman watches from within the Okos lake district.
Barghash bin Said is feeling a bit bold today, as he declares war on the Chola!
... I'm not sure if this was a good decision based on the dozens of Cholan Privateers I see in this slide, but that's why we let the wars play out.
Alright, I've come to the conclusion that Zanzibar REALLY doesn't like Cholan so that Great Musician has to die before they complete their tour in Lindi. Barghash is clearly not a Patron of the Arts.
Vasteras and Uppsala fall, and Riga looks likely to join the Uzbek empire next turn. If this keeps up, Karl may end up getting kicked out of Scandinavia altogether and will be forced to relocate in the arctic cold.
It looks like Tahiti will survive for another fortnight, though their former city Mo'ore’a may go from purple to a different shade of red very shortly.
PARG GOING TO SPACE, BOIS! LIFTOUT! CHOO-CHOO! PARGCHAMP! PARGCHAMP! PARGCHAMP! PARGCHAMP! IT'S THE ONLY THING THEY HAVE DONE ALL EPISODE, BUT IT'S AT LEAST SOMETHING! *Cough*USSR*Cough*
Speaking of which, let's laugh at Barak and Lenin for wasting so much production that they could've used elsewhere on this project only to miss out on the top prize.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX7wtNOkuHo
[“Ha Ha!” - Nelson Muntz (The Simpsons)]
The Kulin forces have come back from their holiday in Rio Grande to resume their duties. The march to Magangue in their quest to take control of the canal.
Oh oh, looks like the Chola have another date with Punjab, and the latter has brought Mobilized Infantry to the fight. Pazhayarai immediately hits the red, but Lesotho peacekeepers may prevent Punjab from conquering their way south.
Back in the Indian Ocean, The Cholan fleet appears to be fighting multiple enemies, but mainly Zanzibar. This coalition could drain the Cholo's momentum.
Uzbekistan takes away Riga from Sweden and durely Sundsvall and Stockholm will fall for good soon. The Uzbek Air Force has stationed itself in Norrkoping and Narva, so the remaining naval units near the capital will sink sooner or later.
So much for peacekeeping. The Lesotho Military is allowing Ranjit Singh to take Nagapattinam, and Pazhayarai goes from Yellow to Orange. The Punjabi Bombers have also softened up Yanbu.
The capture of Tanga is a fitting trade for the assassination of a musician, wouldn't you say? Mikindani might be bundled up in the trade as well if Zanzibar aren't careful.
Mississippi are struggling to not be pushed further east by the Dene, as the battle for Gameti, Etowah and Jaketown is getting intense.
As the Chola struggle to defend Thirunelveu, they have a much easier time northeast while their navy has brought Sarpang to the Yellow and some damage to Kartarpur is also being done.
Etowah falls again to the Dene, but this time Gameti is also captured. That second part shocked a Mississippian settler so hard that they had to watch from a tundra cliff.
The Zanzibar choice of defense: Privateers. Lots of Privateers.
The Zanzibar second choice of defense: Mounted Units
The Punjab/Chola war heats up with Thirunelveu switching to orange colours and Sarpang switching to yellow colours. Anuradhapura is a Paratrooper attack away from falling, and Kartarpur isn't faring much better. I also think Nagapattinam might have flipped back and forth, too.
Tanga has fallen to the Chola and Zanzibar is eager to reclaim it. Barghash should be relieved that the Chola aren't sailing the other four dozen Privateers in their core to Mikindani.
Nodena is back in Rio Grande's possession, Jaketown is now in the Dene's pockets, and Etowah flips back to Mississippi. And yes, another nuke was fired this turn, but I'll leave you to figure out who nuked where because there have been so many nukes this episode alone in the same region of the cylinder that I'm not keeping track at this point unless it is notable.
One day... Hetu Ala will fall... and on that day... Everyone will mutter “Oh thank goodness Yuan have finally croaked!”
I said something about Mo'ore'a possibly falling earlier this episode. I was wrong. Kulin instead gained Meheti'a (Pape'ete might also flip).
So much for performing their duties. These Kulin forces have gone back to partying in Rio Grande after Marajoara peaced out with the latter.
Nope, I don't see any city changes from the treaty. I'm not sure if I last said Wiltwyck was part of Rio Grande, but it's back with P'kuee since before peace broke out.
Yanbu is welcomed into the Punjabi Empire and Al Jumum may be the next city to be inducted in. Kanchipuram isn't faring any better.
The Chola need to get their act together. They could've taken both Tanga and Mikindani had they commited a larger part of their armada to it. Zanzibar have since reclaimed Tanga and are determined to defend their island cities.
Stockholm falls once again alongside Sundvall and it doesn't look like they have the strength to take either of them back. Sweden have been rumped to just two cities, and Uzbekistan looks more than able to take Lund.
And for those of you confused about earlier going “Um, how do we know Perm chose Freedom?”, the upper left corner should make it clear to you. Between Saint Stephen's and Great Perm's icons, there is a small icon of a torch. This shows that Great Perm has indeed chosen Freedom! Congrats to them! Your reward will be dying at the hands of the Uzbek very soon!
As we draw near to the end of this episode, Thanadelthur has given Antonio one last FU by dropping the late nuke of the episode. In total, 22 nukes were fired between Rio Grande and the Dene (the ratio was 9:13). These two have set the bar for nukes being fired for this season.
The war between Uzbekistan and Sweden is over, and as consequence, this is all that's left of the overly hyped Swedish Empire; Lund and Sigtuna. Karl XII is free to sleep all he wants now. He will never have the chance to do anything relevant ever again.
And with the fall of Sweden, Uzbekistan has gained a sizable european colony. If Islam Karimov wishes to expand it, Finland would a great choice.
Sarpang flips back to orange as a Punjabi Paratrooper edges closer to Thanjavur. Punjab seems to have the Chola on the ropes. We will find out if Raja Raja can make a comeback next episode!
And this episode's feature bout has come to a close. Rio Grande and the Dene have come to an agreement to cease the bloodshed (at least for now).
The Chola are taking out their frustration on Zanzibar as a wave of naval units invade and flipped Mikindani, and it doesn't look like Zanzibar are going to hold off this new wave of Privateers.
With the war against Rio Grande over, the Dene now have the opportunity to focus on expanding further into Mississippian territory. No city flips here, but I'm sure there's more to come in this war (or they peace out right at the start of next episode).
As Awolowo continues to suggest peaceful proposals such as the enactment of Cultural Heritage Sites, Wilhelm resumes proposing embargos for all (this time against Malacca), for if he can't trade with anyone, no one else should either.
And thus we have come to an end of another action-packed episode, with our last slide showcasing the unification of Australia under the rule of William Barak.
To recap this episode’s most significant events;
A three-way dance off in North America results in the introduction of nuclear weapons to the battlefield. Mississippi suffers the most despite being the only one of the three not to be nuked.
Uzbekistan colonises most of Sweden to gain a foothold in Europe.
The Kulin have unified the island of Australia with the extremely swift death of the Republic of Amata.
Palmares survives elimination from Paraguay thanks to a peace offering from the Olmecs.
The Chola are at war with Zanzibar and Punjab.
Great Perm becomes FREE PERM.
PARG can into space.
This has been Bulletproof_Cookie (and ItsTruckMonth), and I bid you good day.