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Hello everyone and welcome to the biweekly-ish episode of the civ battle royale, this episode is a bit different as we sort of formed a “narrator committee” of sorts and if my count is correct we have four narrators this episode.
Civ Battle Royale Episode 23: All About Lenin – S2
January 7, 2022
Arc Five Narrators
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Credit goes to u/MarmotaBobac for giving us an insight into the big brain plays by our favorite drunken barbarians: the Vandals
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Here’s a quick map of the world credit to legendary scribe Vihreaa. Lots of open space still up for the taking.
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Once again a huge thank you to all of our lovely donators we couldn’t keep this going without you. Without further ado, take it away Arilasqueto.
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I’m writing this on Sunday night and the PRs haven’t come out yet, so I’m gonna assume this is Kosovo after their stupendous rise to glory last episode.
Editor's note: They did not!
6: It’s about Rise, It’s about Power
And here’s something new: Governments! These are part of Rise to Power and were originally meant to be part of cycle one, but were cut due to an accident. This early on there isn’t much to say- most civs are still tribes- but there’s a few standouts. Northern Yuan bow before their new Queen, Mandhukhai, while the Nigerians, in a more democratic vein, have formed a republic and elected Awolowo to be their lawspeaker.
7: The Queen, the Warlord and the Lawspeaker
Marajoara have also formed a monarchy, but P’kuee seems to be more a queen of the people, compared to Northern Yuan where the nobility hold sway. Mansur Shah, sick of his old Idol lifestyle, has taken to the nomadic life as he leads the Malaccans north into China. However he’ll have to contend with the burgeoning might of the Kulin republic, lead by firebrand William barak and his populist government.
08: The Common Kingdoms
Here we see two more kingdoms, so alike yet so different. The Kingdom of Chukchi is led by their stern but fair King Lawtiliwadlin, revered by the common folk for treating them with respect and benevolence.Chola meanwhile is a much smaller Kingdom, where the constant onslaught from the Punjabi Tribe has blurred the lines between noble and common.
Goat:
Aboard the sub the small factions of exiled former tsars, god-empresses, kings and so forth ultimately pledged their united loyalty to Chieftain Nebuchadnezzar II. Will they live in peace and prosperity or descend back into violence and hatred?
09: Gold Beneath the Waves
Goat:
…and it turns out having a Chieftain is exactly what this ship of alphas needed! A golden age greets the Babylonian’s rule beneath the waves.
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“You cheated death once, Ibrahim, but you won’t get away this time!” snarls Wilhelm as he marches on the Bosporus. Rugova folds his arms and smirks, for he had an ace up his sleeve: Gjilani. Kolchak, having heard tales of this metropolis, hastens to throw his support behind Kosovo.Also if you’re wondering why the cylinder is suddenly Mexican, it’s a feature of RtP that tints the screen in golden ages.
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When it came to navies, Kulin’s got the quantity, and Malacca’s got the quality, but truth be told neither was really worth shit. Despite being far outnumbered, the crew of the Carrack guarding the Java sea are holding the line against the Kulin navy. Barak frowns from his vantage point in Marpeang Balug, and sends word to his shipyards to kick up trireme production. Malacca is absolutely huge for some reason. As far as we know it’s something to do with the food bonuses scaling a bit funny for some civs - so yeah, sorry Orange, Malacca isn’t the only one with the buff.
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Zaire are channeling their inner Ethiopia and holding the line against the two green giants bearing down on them. Mobutu is actually pushing on Hlotse! “We’ll have those idiots carved up in no time!” says Moshoshoe. The messenger doesn’t have the heart to tell him that the Basotho army can’t even find Lubumbashi and is currently lost somewhere in the Kongo basin.
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Rosillo is absolutely incandescent with rage at the sight of Echaot’l Koe, sitting there like a cockroach in his bowl of cornflakes. The Dene build their cities to last, however, and the presence of 2 rivers between him and the blue and green insult prevents Rosillo from making any headway. “You gotta like, just clear your chakras man!” says Tsouharissen, who’d gotten into a lot of new age stuff while in the afterlife
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Mandukhai certainly has the catapults to take cities but so far is only using them to lead the line against the Heavenly warrior bands. Forests, hills and archers make for a tough enough approach to Tianjing but Best Yuan may be making things harder on themselves by splitting focus between multiple targets.
Goat:
NY did well to plant a couple new cities to the east at the end of last episode, blocking Taiping from heading north and maybe making Chukchi think twice about extending further into Asia when all of Alaska and the Pacific Northwest are sitting open in North America.
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I don’t know who’s leading Finland here but it sure as shit isn’t the same guy as before. “Mannerheim” has already filled up Scandinavia proper and has 2 more settlers out to push into Karelia and beyond. Rumour has it an unknown man pushed past Mannerheim in the pregame planning room and beamed down to the cylinder before anyone could stop him. Apparently he was bald and had thick rimmed glasses.
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Seems Rugova didn’t bargain on the Soviets actually negotiating the Caucasus, having left that front lightly defended in his hast to shore up the bosporus. The Germans were already fortifying on the other side in their new settlement of Cologne.
Lenin himself seems to be doing a fine job of building up a core, settling cities in all directions to fill the newfound space.
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“Hlotse has fallen!” screamed the messenger.“Ah, splendid!” said Moshoeshoe, clapping him on the back.“Sir, it was our city. We lost it to Zaire.”
18: Wonderful information
Hello observers, due to scheduling issues a bunch of the upcoming narrators have banded together and are going to be narrating the rest of the episode. One of those are myself, Rosay. For some background, I discovered CBR all the way back in Mark 2 in highschool, and have been fortunate enough to become one of the power-rankers, and now I am lucky enough to narrate a big chunk of this episode, along with discord user GoatontheMountain, who helped narrate a bunch of my slides and may others, and one more person who i’ll let introduce himself later. This is my first time narrating so please be gentle, but please point out anything I missed in the comments. With that out of the way lets get back to the slides.
The next set of slides are displaying which civs have successfully rushed the early game wonders, right now we have Malacca, Punjab, and Nigeria all securing three wonders, followed by The Soviets, Chukchi, Rio Grande, and Kulin…
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….followed by most of the rest with one….
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……followed by the rumps. This may not seem like much but this may be some insight into what civs have struck an early lead, of course the top civs may have gotten all the irrelevant wonders but who knows.
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Scrolling over to a quick look at the PARG carpet lookin pretty damn thicc ngl, so thicc that Northern Yuan surrendered in fear. Western china and siberia are also still up for grabs too, with PARG looking like the most likely taker of both. Also while Uzbekistan does look decently defended for its size, Parg has plenty of catapults which may result in an early elimination if they close in on the city. It is important to note that PARG was heavily nerfed when going into endgame, and we may be about to see why two giant swaths of land are in their control.
22: Everybody hates Hokkaido
Ok so at first i thought Chukchi pulled an AI moment and settled far too far away from their core, but then i looked further and saw that they just successfully sniped mount fuji. There is also another settler on the outskirts of northern Japan which can just settle the north anyway and get those sweet sweet luxuries.
Goat:
Best Yuan appears to have designs on the former best Korea.
23: Lose-Lose War
Nigeria and Zarie have somehow made peace with both in worse positions than they began. The Nigerian carpet is looking even more scarce, now featuring vandal troops literally between the Nigerian cities of Kano and Abuja. Meanwhile Zaire has lost any expansion hopes with Lesotho successfully stabilizing basically all of south africa.
24: Up the Mississippi (the river not the civ)
Across the pond, Rio Grande continues to assault Echaot’l Koe with a barrage of units, which may successfully take the overextended city, but I honestly don’t see the assault going much further than there. Also, Chola built the oracle.
25: TPK
Northern Yuan has sent a massive force to take Tianging early, though it is quite frankly futile due to the famous “no melee unit” problem. Well yes there are technically melee units but the majority of them are likely to die before reaching the city because of terrain limitations.
Goat:
Ordos is settled and Queen Mandukhai and King Lawtiliwadlin look ready to extend their border further. Whether it’s love or rivalry between them remains to be seen.
26: Population Density
Marajoara has not only settled two more cities, but they have also somehow managed to fit all of China into one city, especially impressive considering a one person city in civ is roughly equal to a population of a thousand. In serious terms though, Marajoara’s capital nears 30, which is especially impressive considering that were still in the Classical Era
27: Population Spatially
By comparison Kulin has multiple cities around 8 population, which is usually a bad strategy competitively because of happiness issues and the fact that you just can't get the fancy new buildings fast.
28: Cause your hot hot hot
Northern Yuan has made peace with Uzbekistan as it decides that it may be a bad idea to settle western China with a quagmire directly west of that. The new city is named Hothot, which ranks up there in the funny names rankings (though nothing will ever beat owo)
N. Yuan has yet another settler out to the west here and looks to be playing a wider game than we saw from them last go around.
29: Not so Great Wall
So for some unknown reason, Chukchi has built the great wall to protect their peninsula of a capital, which covers a grand total of one city. The only reason to build a great wall would be to play keepaway, but even then Chukchi isn't exactly near anyone’s main military force and doesn't need to expand militarily. Also they still haven't settled northern Japan what the hell.
Goat:
They do, however, begin to move further east into the west with very defensible Nasuk. That said, if they wind up defending Nasuk from the Dene it will mean something has gone very wrong and they’ll have already ceded far too much space to chieftainess of drums.
30: Premature Elimination Watch!
GoatontheMountain here, taking the next ten or so slides!
Malacca is raining naval hellfire down on Cholapuram, though we are continuing to run into the no melee units problem. A little persistence and a single embarked swordsman could easily mark Raja Raja as the first to depart for the golden party boat hidden in the far south.
31: Drunk on Success
The accolades from earlier clearly went to Mannerheim’s head as he pushes ever farther and the world unites to teach him a hard lesson. Most of those declarations aren’t particularly relevant but the hammer and sickle sure are. Was it Mikkeli that sent Lenin over the edge? Pori? Or the strange imposter in the glasses suddenly wielding Mannerheim like a marionette, dancing his merry expansionist ballet into the Soviet backyard.
32: Make them Bleed for Every Inch
Tianjing takes damage but it’s a slog and the Northern Yuan don’t look likely to break through any time soon. Hong Xiuquan’s army remains robust though all those purple composite bows could turn things quickly if used well.
33: What Are Friends For?
Mandukhai decides to open another front, though scrubbing a single unsightly smudge like Gjilani from the map hardly qualifies as a war. What’s the worst that could happen, it’s Kosovo? Ah, that’s right, that lovely UA! Lungora’s trap is sprung.
Already PARG forces flood the north to defend Rugova’s passion project on the permafrost. Shangdu could be in trouble but horses and siege equipment are not ideally suited to these great swaths of boreal forest. Mountains and lakes protect HotHotHot and the fledgling Xilinhot in the absence of garrisons.
34: Maybe I Need Better Friends
PARG also springs to Kosovo’s defense in the south but this time it’s purely a symbolic declaration of war as the notification on the sidebar is the only blip of All-Russian white and blue on the screen. Genseric’s trihemiolia UU isn’t super strong (it’s a trireme replacement) and Peje only has one tile of coast but Ibrahim can’t be feeling good about this one.
35: Cheaters Always Prosper
Rio has brought Echaot’l Koe into teh red and while no one is in place to take it next turn those bows should have no trouble keeping the defenses knocked down and the Rosillo’s swords can easily reach the city before Thandelthur’s reinforcements.
36: Nizhniy Novgrorod and the Neglected Navy
Mikkeli is in trouble but the real story here is the Soviet naval domination! Every one of those boats launched from Nizhniy and the Gulfs of Finland and Bothnia are both firmly in Lenin’s hands with no hope of salvation. Even if Germany gave Finland open borders these cities will be lost long before Viipuri and Porvoo could build a meaningful fleet. Pitiful defense values on these Finnish cities is not helping matters.
37: Staking Claims in the Indian Ocean
The Lesotho/Zaire war continues to grind on with no breakthroughs. Moshoeshoe has a good idea with a settler on lush Madagascar but if that unescorted band out of Mohale’s Hoek is sailing for the Horn of Africa we could see a repeate of Hlotse very quickly.
38: Tampering with Tampere
Unsurprisingly Mikkeli falls (privately Lenin thinks of it as St. Petersburg, though he can’t for the life of him say why), though the number of swordsmen who apparently died in the process at least deserves mention. Similarly, half the Soviet fleet is gone and Tampere hangs on just below half health. These Finnish folk don’t go down easily…but so long as Lenin is serious about this war they will go down nevertheless.
39: That’s the Malaccan Navy We Know and Love!
Cholapuram sinks slightly deeper into the yellow as the Malaccan fleet swells. Wasn’t there a war with the Kulin just off screen? Is Lawspeaker Barak so ineffectual that Warlord Shah can ignore him completely?
Raja Raja does have an escape plan in place now with Pazhaiyarai but the new city is even more exposed to naval invasion than his capital.
Also, I believe Chola are still at war with Punjab, though I’d forgotten until I saw that injured sword at the capital’s gates. If so things are far more grim than I had realized.
40: Moshoeshoe sells seashells on the Seychelles
Care analysis reveals Zaire managed to push the battle lines precisely one tile south as the meat ground on. Mightily intimidated, Moshoeshoe agrees to peace before things get any worse.
The war may be over but Lesotho’s settlers still opt for the Seychelles over Somalia, and can you blame them?
Back to you, Rosay!
41: Land Lost or Sea Sacked?
Thank you, Goat! Going back to Chola and it seems that it’s going to come down to the wire in Cholapuram. Malacca finally remembered that swordsmen were a thing and is now sending their men to take the city before Punjab gets it. Punjab is cutting it close with only two places to melee attack the city from, one currently being blocked by a composite, taking up that precious movement space. Pazhaiyarai is looking like fresh prey too, taking damage with a balanced unit composition nearby
42: Shot across the sea
The Soviets continue their attack on Kosovo, to minimal success. It appears that Kosovo has embraced the turtle style of army build, as they have an almost entirely ranged defense force. I'd say that there’s a small chance that Prizreni falls just by attrition, but all of the units traveling across the sea are unfortunately destined to seek a watery grave.
43: Peak Performance
WOOOO yeah baby, that’s what we’ve been waiting for thats what its all about. Here at the sub a golden age has just struck. What did the sub do to get a golden age you ask? Great Question…..
44: Back to your regularly scheduled programming
Oh, right, the game–and would you look at that, Cholapurma has fallen to Punjab, Malacca was only one turn away from taking the city too, that’s unfortunate. Pazhaiyarai seems to have taken almost no damage, as a matter of fact it has actually healed since the last time we saw it. I’m pretty sure Punjab’s unit composition just got worse too and.. oh no we’re gonna have another rump aren't we.
45: Very cold war
You know if it weren't for Tampere being in the red, I'm pretty sure it’d be impossible to tell a war was still going on here. Heck there's even a peaceful prayer circle on the borders of a war in Minsk. The Soviets really seem to only be sending triremes over the Baltics, and while that's going to succeed for Tampere, the rest of Finland should probably be fine.
46: K.O.e
Rio Grande has successfully taken Echaot’l Koe from Dene. There are however a couple of Dene horsemen nearby that could retake the city, and enough ranged troopers to make it a safe attack. The Neutrals, seeing the continent heat up, remain neutral and build up their army.
47: Conquest of the lowlands
Few things to mark down here: First, Gauls have finally gotten into Britain. That's going to be a good expansion opportunity. Second, Germany looks to settle the Upper Isles which sort of invalidates the Gallic expansion. Third, both Gauls and Germany have massive carpets and we may see a meat grinder. Fourth, italy is looking pretty exposed and we may see the Vandals kicked out of Europe before they even began.
48: Shaking the Tamperene
Tampere has flipped to Soviet control, though with incredibly low defense even for early game another flip is not entirely out of the question. In other news PARG and Northern Yuan have made peace, ending that war before it really began to heat up.
49: Echaos across America
Echaot’l Koe has flipped back under Dene control, however Rio Grande has sent a much more extensive force that looks to counter attack the city. The Neutrals continue to quietly carpet.
50: The Kosovian defense
Kosovo continues to successfully fend off the Soviets in what I can only describe as an Anatolian Winter War. Prizreni is faring a bit better than previously and is probably going to survive the Soviet Onslaught. The Vandals approach Peje in hopes of doing a bit better, and they do appear to have access to Nigerian waters, providing a bit more landing ground. In Central Asia the Soviets settle Voronezh which is more or less destined to be slaughtered by Uzbekistan.
51: Solid Siege
Alright so it seems that the first Punjabi wave failed but now Punjab has brought the main force. A great many ranged forces weaken the city, a bunch of siege units, melee units with clear lines of attack, the whole nine yards. All Punjab needs to do is secure the bag and..
52: Liquid Siege
…oh. The sidebar spells safety for Raja Raja…for now. Well I mean there's always Malacca, and there does appear to be ships somewhat nearby. It's a bit of a long haul but we may see a civ death if Punjab just scoots out of the way a bit.
53: Chilly war
Things look to be heating up on the Finnish-Soviet front with the Soviets sending troops to Pori to wipe out any funny business in northern Russia. Tampere has been secured with more boats in the Baltics to take back the city. This is looking to be one of those cities that flips infinitely as the Soviets will retake the city by sea after the Finns take it by land, entering a quantum state Finnish-Soviet limbo.
54: The northern hoard.
Northern Yuan has sent a large force through China hoping to bring the Heavenly Kingdom down to hell. I know I've criticized many civs for running into the “no melee units” problem but it appears the opposite might be the case here, as Northern Yuan’s core is almost exclusively melee Units. This makes it hard for civs to safely accumulate damage on a city without losing units in a meat grinder, though it is a little better than the “no melee unit” alternative. Also rip my boy boat-kun trapped by Chukchi boats.
55: The stumbling Bear
Man the Soviets are slowly becoming the entire circus now, aren't they? After sending so many units into the forever meatgrinder that is Kosovo, the Soviets decide that the only remedy to make up for lost time is to settle in central asia, in the middle of a war next to a giant swarm of enemy units. Now Lenin has the honor of saying that he’s been embarrassed by two rumps in quick succession.
56: The smiley board
Looking at the happiness board, the submarine that had a golden age is on top followed by Lesotho, the Vandals, Kulin, and Chola, pretty weird power spread there.
57: Smiley board two
Followed by the mid range happiness.
58: Lost Smileys
Followed by the sad bois, with the negative sadbois being the Heavenly Kingdom, Punjab… This does explain why Punjab made peace with Chola - no point capturing a citystate if you’re just going to burn it down; better save it till later when you have the happiness to support it.
59: Smiley status: “gone” on discord
….and extra sad boi Dene, just in the range where the real nasty side effects take place. Thank you Mr. Bofathes very thoughtful.
60: Roads and Rivers
Going back to Dene vs Rio Grande. Echaot’l has flipped back to Rio Grande ownership, and the forces and terrain around them seem to be protecting it well enough for this to feel like the last flip for the city (at least this episode) as the front line appears to be slowing down. An oncoming wave of Dene troops may change that however.
61: Red on your face
Uzbekistan has taken Vorozenh and the Soviets honestly can’t really do anything about it. Adding multiple insults to injury, the Vandals are doing really well at damaging Peje with the small amount of room they have, while seeming to have lost Nigerian water access. Hell Uzbekistan may be able to swipe another city off the soviets in the form of Kharkov. That last one is admittedly unlikely but hey you never know!
62: German-Finnish Isles
Getting a look back at Britain and oof. The Gaul’s only method of expansion has now been cornered by the Germans who have settled Scotland, and likely the midlands. Finland looks to get in on the action too as they look to settle the isles. There's still one way that the Gauls can expand upwards, though: via conquest, but they need to act fast.
63: The Arctic Megapolis
Going back to the frigid megacity, Chukchi has built Nan Madol. For those who don't know, Nan Madol grants +1 food, gold, and production for all sea tiles worked by the city. Given all those fishing boats near the peninsula, that's actually pretty powerful. Good choice, Chukchi.
64: The open seas
Going back to Malacca real quick and there seems to be a lot of free territory for Malacca out east. Though Malacca is honestly looking really vulnerable with few military units protecting their city. Of course the islands are probably safe for now but Malacca, for the love of god, use all that free space and become the monster you were born to be!
65: Ying, Yang, and Yong
N.Yuan troops trying to enter Taiping are currently being bogged down by the hills, however the Yong’an siege does look to be a lot more successful, with the city in the red while troops wait outside the city lines. Yong’an seems like it will fall in the upcoming turns, with the units in range being properly balanced.
66: Fortress Kosovo
Going back to the middle east, Kosovo seems to have entered an even better defensive position, with only one Vandal ship being able to attack the city at a time. Looking north, Uzbekistan’s invasion has unfortunately been stopped thanks to the river.
Malacca also built the Itsukushima Shrine, which among other things gives the amphibious promotion to all land units, which for a seafaring empire, makes coastal invasions a lot easier.
67: Focusing your battles
Trying to cut their losses, the Soviets make peace with Uzbekistan, and hope to spend their efforts on the Finnish War, and all things considered this one might end well. The Soviets are finally bringing the catapults to Naantali and are bringing more units to Tampere. Come on, Soviets, I know you can go 1-2.
68: Down to ashes
Northern Yuan has taken Yong’an. They appear to be razing it to the ground and…
Goat: All of a sudden those happiness slides we just saw look prescient! Mandhukai was only at +2 before the capture.
69: Smothered ashes
Wait no Taiping has taken the city back. There does appear to be a hefty offensive force right outside of Yong’an though, so the city will likely flip back to Northern Yuan. Meanwhile in Tainjing an army of composite bowmen have brought the city down to half health, but have now entered the aforementioned “no melee” problem. Though there do appear to be melee units deeper into the Northern Yuan core so that issue might be moot.
70: New empirical graveyard
Now I know this might seem like a Punjab stomp but hear me out. The only way that Punjab can viably attack Uzbekistan is through the cracks in the Karakoram mountain range, essentially having to funnel in units one at a time. At this point, Uzbekistan is still technologically backwards but also armed to the teeth, and has defensive geography. That prophet in Tashkent is probably going to die though.
71: Northern Yuan with the Northern China
Northern Yuan has taken the capital of the Heavenly Kingdom, then makes peace to avoid the warmonger penalty. In all seriousness though this was probably the best move because trying to take Jintian would have just taken forever. Chukchi also decides to settle coastal China, STILL before northern Japan which remains unsettled. There's also the Neutrals declaring war on Rio Grande, and damn that's bold.
72: Soviets heat up
FINALLY, after two objective military failures the soviets have finally breached into Scandinavia, securing Tampere and surrounding Naantali, likely to take it in the upcoming turns.
As a fan since high school, this has been a huge honor to do, and I am grateful to have had the honor of narrating this portion of the episode. With that, I will pass the metaphorical microphone to mapping enthusiast Vihreaa, who is going to narrate the last third of the slides. Take it away!
73: A Wild Vihreaa Appears
Hey all! Because of scheduling difficulties as we all know, the episode for this week has had to be delayed. To try to help get the episode out quicker, I, Vihreaa, mapmaker extraordinaire, will be narrating the remainder of this episode. It’s been quite a while since I’ve last narrated, so I’ll do my best!
We pan to the aforementioned war between Rio Grande and the Neutral Nation, a conflict I’m sure many have been anticipating greatly. From a bird’s eye view, it looks pretty even, with perhaps Rio Grande having a slight advantage with their swordsmen. Paired with Rio Grande already being in a conflict with the Dene, NN could make some headway on Rio Grande, and I’m confident that they can at least hold their ground against them.
74: This ain’t the Winter War this time
Lenin’s troops capture Naantali, further cementing Soviet control in Scandinavia. As the two nations make peace, so do the (many?) Finland supporters make peace with their hopes of Finland becoming a major player in Cycle 2. A hugely successful war for the USSR, taking 4 Finnish cities and well positioning themselves for another war to take more Finnish cities in the future. Despite their sleepy demeanor in Cycle 1, Lenin came to play this go around.
75: Not PARGchamp
We see a slide of PARG’s core here, and while they do have a solid military that appears to be marching straight towards the USSR (maybe Finland?) they only have 4 cities, which pales in comparison to their neighbors to both their east and west in NYuan and the USSR. Their best path of expansion is likely going to be Uzbekistan, a civ that really isn’t having the best start, all things considered.
76: Team up on the cheater!!
The sub pans it’s view back to North America, where we find an alliance between NN and the Dene against Rio Grande. Neither have made much progress, though NN troops advance on Reynosa, and the NN city of Kakouagoga (have fun with that Dawkinzz ;)[wait a minute, didn’t Dawkinzz make the NN?]) faces light bombardment from Rio Grande troops. With all sides still having strong military presences, it is unlikely in my opinion that any nation will make much headway on another, at least for a short while.
77: Just chilling… in Coranderrk
The Kulin, already having settled the entirety of their continent, find themselves a newfound source of boredom after making peace with their only neighbor, Malacca. To try to stem this boredom, William Barak orders his people to construct Borobudur.
“Sir, what is Borobudur?”“Are you a fool? It gives us +5 faith and three missionaries! We have to build it before anyone else does!”
78: 3rd party this fight
The Marajoara join the war on the side of Rio Grande, declaring war on the NN. With most of NN’s navy being positioned in the Gulf of Mexico, Marajoara could very well take Michilimackinac. Kakouagoga falls to the yellow to Rio Grande, but some reinforcements have arrived in attempts to defend the city.
79: Cycle 2 nerfs? No idea what you mean.
Despite being something of an underdog in Cycle 1 with much lower tech than the rest of the world, NYuan is flourishing in Cycle 2 (likely due to receiving very strong bonuses despite their underdog status). With some of the most cities in the game and a weak neighbor in Taiping to the south, NYuan is looking pretty strong right now. As a civ who had nothing to lose going into Cycle 2, the only direction for them is up!
80: Now
Things take a turn for the worse for our favorite underdogs the Neutrals, as the Dene declare war on them. This now means every other civ in the Americas is at war with them, and the approaching armies of both Rio Grande and the Dene is looking rather imposing. They aren’t done yet, though, as their border cities are in pretty defensible positions.
81: Down with Zaire!
Zaire’s African neighbors spring a joint surprise on them, with that surprise being war. Surrounded on almost all sides, Zaire is in the fight for their life with the former tech leader of the world and the former underdog of Africa. With jungles and lakes littering their territory, Nigeria and Lesotho’s armies will at least not be able to just march into their cities, so hope yet remains for Zaire.
Kulin, in their continued boredom, decides to build another wonder, because why not?
Goat: Nigeria is pumping out their UU, the Yan Lifida, an pricey knight replacement that gets cover I and increases city growth when garrisoned. How knights will fare in a jungle invasion remains to be seen.
82: Party in the Sub!
A golden age dawns in the Sub, perhaps as a hint of what could be to come in the future of the game? Pictured behind is Rio Grande, having just peaced out with NN last turn, likely a sigh of relief for them. A while ago, during Mk 2 of the royale, there was a novel being written detailing lore about the Mk 2 universe. One of the most interesting aspects of it was the concept that the immortal leaders of the different nations of the world are sent to the Babylonian submarine when their nation falls, and I like to believe this is true in this royale as well. Perhaps the leaders in the sub are celebrating the fact that the Neutral Nation, whose leader likely had ample time to befriend all of the other leaders in the sub, was able to make peace with one of their opponents.
83: Finally getting that Lebensraum
German settlers push westward all the way to Greenland, settling Essen in the icy expanse. Along with this, they have a settler in Iceland and have already settled 2 cities in the British Isles.There likely will be a battle for Britain between the Gauls and Germany, and it’s anyone's guess as to who will win it.
84: Round 2: Fight!
PARG declares war on Uzbekistan once again, eyeing their capital of Tashkent. Uzbekistan’s slow start has allowed their capital to be exposed, giving PARG a real chance to capture it. A war like this is crucial for PARG as well, as they need to consolidate power to keep up with their neighbors of NYuan and the USSR, both of which have much more land to settle than PARG.
85: The Reconquista
The mighty Basotho navy (fun fact, the adjectival for Lesotho is actually Basotho!) advance on their former city of Hlotse, bringing it down to the yellow, as a joint force of Nigeria and Lesotho advance on Lubumbashi, which is currently damaged in the green. Zaire’s troops are undeniably dwindling, with few troops protecting the cities in the empire that are under siege.
86: You do know this is domination only, right?
The dear leader of Punjab, Kannushi Rankit Singh, decides that the best way to conquer the world is through people’s hearts, as he exports his culture to the rest of the world. (currently just one other country) A unique strategy, we’ll have to see in the long term how it pays off.
87: Gotta keep up with the neighbors
PARG, in a bid to not be outsettled by their neighbors, settles 4 new cities in their north, giving them some much needed new cities for their core. We can get a brief glimpse of their ongoing war with Uzbekistan as well, and it appears that not much progress has been made for our boys in white.
88: Tit for Tat
Tsouharissen isn’t prone to give up in his new found life, as his troops march on Ka’hbamitue, bringing it to the yellow. Unfortunately, Dene troops are doing the same to his own city of Teotoguiaton. Closer to their westernmost border, Quinaoutatoua has been citadelled by Rio Grande, suggesting the two nations still aren’t on the best of terms.
89: Oh how the mighty have fallen
Chola’s last city of Pazhaiyarai is under siege from Malaccan war boats. With only 17 city defense and no troops to defend themselves, this could be the end for Chola. Once a mighty hyper coastal empire that dominated the Indian Ocean, it’s a shame to see their end so quickly, but such is the way of the royale.
90: I don’t like Kosovo
That’s right, I said it. Kosovo sucks. The colors of their borders ruin my maps so that I have to color in their borders manually, rather than using the fill tool. I would’ve liked them to die a long time ago, but they remain, like a cockroach. Fortunately, the Vandals, a very based and chad nation, is doing what should have been done a long time ago, attempting to take them out. Having gotten open borders with Nigeria and a massive navy blockading the city of Peje, the Vandals came to play for sure.
91: A disconnected empire
As the PARG war machine sets up it’s catapults, Islam Karimov reflects on the fact that he’s kind of screwed. A huge army besieging his capital, only having 3 annexed cities, and another huge army of Punjab to their east, just waiting to pounce. It’s a long shot from their glory days in Cycle 1, but at least they made it to Cycle 2, right?
92: Not the boats!
Porvoo faces some attacks from Gaulish triremes, lowering its health to yellow. Even if the Gauls do capture the city, they don’t have any way to hold it. The British Isles offer some more interest, as it looks like the islands will be diced up between Germany and the Gauls, as the Gauls settle Vienna on what is the Outer Hebrides.
93: Wither away, or go out with a bang?
The Malaccan onslaught on Chola’s final stronghold continues, bringing them down to yellow. Though they aren’t dead yet, their fate is basically sealed at this point, unless some stroke of heavenly luck falls upon Chola.
94: The underdog becomes the 6 feet underdog
Unfortunately luck was not on Chola’s side for a last minute peace deal, as Malacca eliminate them, officially making them the first civ in Cycle 2 to be eliminated.
Chola was an entertaining civ to watch throughout the game, as they never were very large or ranked very high, but they were never squished by their larger neighbors. Being the neighbor of Punjab while they were the most powerful empire in the world for several episodes, they survived, and even flourished. With high tech and a modern military, they were able to also fend off the other most powerful civ in the world in the latter part of the game, Malacca. Unfortunately though, lightning could not strike twice for Raja Raja, and so he joins the other leaders in the sub, to observe the rest of history from afar.
95: Burn the traitors!
The Neutral Nation captures Ka’hbamitue, setting it ablaze, perhaps as payback to the Dene for backstabbing them in the middle of their war with Rio Grande. Teotoguiaton falls to the red, as it seems inevitable at this point that it will fall to the Dene. Other fronts of the war are holding strong, as a Dene army positions itself outside of Quinaoutatoua, but has not yet attacked.
96: A Vandal Mediterranean
Vandal troops surround Peje, with its capture being all but certain at this point. Having composite bowmen, pikemen, and their unique trireme, the Trihemiolia, situated outside the city, it will likely fall next turn.
97: Don’t burn the traitors?
As expected, the Dene capture Teotoguiaton, puppeting the city, and in an unexpected play of events, NN halts the razing of Ka’hbamitue, opting to keep it under their control. NN troops begin to march on the Dene city of Liidli Kue, a lightly defended city that will likely fall without much effort.
98: Naval Supremacy
Peje falls to the Vandals, and so does almost half of Anatolia. It is not yet known if the Vandals will continue pushing into Kosovo’s lands, but they are already coming out of this war net positive, showing the world they are a formidable power to be reckoned with.
99: Lots of Ls for Kosovo today
NYuan advances on the Kosovoan city of Gjilani, a far-disconnected city from the rest of their empire in the cold reaches of Siberia. In an attempt to emulate the legendary Georgia, Kosovo opted to settle a random city halfway across the world, but NYuan isn’t messing around this go around, and promptly has dispatched troops to capture the city. With Gjilani not being able to receive any form of reinforcements from Kosovo’s core, it is highly unlikely that they keep the city.
100: Reconquista, Part 2
Lesotho’s former city of Hlotse falls to red health, but at the same time Lesotho’s siege of the city is running out of steam. Zaire’s city of Mbuji-Mayi takes damage as Nigeria descends on the city with swordsmen and catapults. At the same time, Lubumbashi is surrounded by both Nigerian and Basotho troops, but are not directly attacking the city yet.
101: Who needs the capital when you could capture this random city in the desert?
PARG seems to be splitting their troops between two of Uzbekistan’s cities, opting to try to capture Voronezh as well. Perhaps because it is formerly a Soviet city that Kolchak wants it so badly? Regardless, splitting your army to siege two cities is often a bad idea, even if you have an overwhelming military advantage. With so many catapults though, PARG very well could pull off both city captures.
102: RIP what could’ve been
We pan to southern South America, where the Marajoara continue to fill out the continent. In a perfect world, Kulin would have controlled this part of the continent, but unfortunately tests where this was implemented didn’t work properly for the Kulin. I can’t help but feel a little bad for the Kulin, as they were the first Australian civ to actually break out of the continent, capturing major territory on another continent. I don’t particularly like or dislike the Kulin, but it is always a shame for civs to do worse in Cycle 2 when they did rather well in Cycle 1.
103: Holding strong NN!
Liidli Kue falls to red health as NN troops continue to bombard it, and other border cities hold strong. The Dene have embarked a force across the Hudson Bay, but unfortunately the AI still doesn’t know that embarked troops are basically cannon fodder for how easy they are to destroy. If NN continues to play defense, they can come out of this war with net positive cities, which I would consider a win.
104: The Walls Close In
The Zairian cities Mbuji-Mayi and Hlotse have both fallen to low red health, and it seems that Mbuji-Mayi is all but certain to fall to Nigeria. Hlotse has more hope for Zaire, as there are only two Basotho triremes attacking the city currently. Coalition troops still surround Lubumbashi, so Zaire is still in the thick of this war.
105: Frighteningly Uncontested
We get to see a shot of Marajoara’s core in this slide, with them having control over all of South America. In this slide, they are embarking most of their army in what appears to be an invasion force of the NN city of Michilimackinac. Being so isolated, Marajoara is able to dedicate so much of their army to one task because they don’t yet have any threat of invasion on their home continent.
106: Rumble in the Jungle, Pt 2
Kulin and Malacca reignite their war, with Kulin troops moving towards the Malaccan cities in Indonesia. Kulin does not have a major naval presence in this part of the ocean, as compared to Malacca who already has their unique caravel replacement, the Jong, along with galleases. If Malacca moves their navy over to the east in response to this war, it very well could be Kulin that loses this war.
107: Yes! Burn the traitors!
The Neutral Nation keeps going back and forth on whether or not to burn the traitors, and eventually decide to burn them, with their razing of Liidli Kue. The razing of the city will not negatively impact them too much, as they will likely just re-settle another city where that one was razed, as there are no other civs who can contest that settle spot.
108: Religion Stats
The end of this episode brings us some of the religious statistics of the world. Most notably we see Nigeria at the top in both cities following their religion and number of followers. It seems like Taiping and Uzbekistan founding a religion didn’t help them much this game.
109: More Religion Stats
Going to the continued portion of the religious statistics we see that Punjab has the second biggest religion, in number of followers but not cities, an honor which falls to the Chukchi, who have the wonderful religion of Angakkunngurniq!
110: Religion Map
We finish this episode with a religion map of the world, showing the dominance of different religions around the map. Fitting that the mapmaker’s last slide is of a map, though I personally prefer my own! It’s been a great honor to be able to narrate a portion of this episode, and I hope that I was able to narrate this episode to elevate its best moments to greater heights. Keep an eye out for this episode’s map, coming to a subreddit near you!