Civ Battle Royale February 2, 2022
Rosay
Hello everybody and welcome to the 25th installment of the civ battle royale episode 25, I am your host Rosay. You may remember that I was one of the people that wrote for Episode 23, or as a part of the Power Ranking team. My first experience with narrating a portion of an episode was really fun and I'm excited to do it again.
You know, I’ve always wondered why the AIs always tend to follow similar pathways, like nobody ever settles northern japan, and there's always some really unexpected civ in Greenland (except for next cycle praise the newly elected Greenland for its region).
Here's what the world looked like before the unpreventable chaos that occurs in this episode. Take a mental note to see if your favorites are doing good or bad.
Once again, thank you to all of the lovelies that have financially supported the second cycle, we wouldn't be here without it.
Marajoara continues to be the top place civ according to the power rankers (me included) and it's hard to argue considering all of the successful civs in the past that have come out of the region, which mind you Marajoara controls entirely.
With all that out of the way, let's jump in and watch some AIs throw hands!
We begin the episode with some insight into the systems of government put in place for this world, being a lot more advanced than the simple Freedom-Order-Autocracy triangle. While I'm not entirely sure about the individual modifiers that each of these government types provide, I do like how they alot more flavor to the cylinder. Looking at the slide, governments for the civs are mostly populist republics or religious states. The vandals are a clear exception with their traditional monarchy run via nobility. There is also the holy heavenly kingdom, which is one hell of a mouthful.
There seems to be a bit more variety here, with an entirely neutral military dictatorship, Malaccan merchants, and a Kulin hoard. The rest of the relevant civs in this slide are populist republics, along with the theocracy on Punjab
Capping off the governmental slides, Parg is really mixing things up with a celestial dynasty and somehow both the Gauls and Chukchi have adopted a weird form of monarchic-socialism where the common folk are the primary influencers
For our first full photo of the cylinder, we cut to the Northern Yuan war. Ikh Khuree is in a vulnerable position, being in the yellow and with melee units in range of the city. Parg has also begun its assault on Shangdu, though the assault is much slower due to bad terrain.
Malacca and Punjab have both declared war on Taiping, each civ trying to be the one that excommunicates the heavenly kingdom from the cylinder. My money is on Malacca, just all of Punjab’s units near Jintian are ranged units, and while Malacca isn't exactly a sword and pike fest, at least they have units that can actually take a city
As one war begins another ends. Dene and Malacca have reached a peace agreement with Chukchi. Malacca definitely ended up alright, getting a few islands in the pacific, such as Kei’i’yergyn, and Dene ended up in more or less the same position.
Meanwhile in Africa, the wall between the two powerhouses of Africa has been lifted, and all that's left is an inevitable conflict between two green African empires. Lesotho definitely has a more advanced military, along with a balanced set of units, so they have an edge when war inevitably hits.
Rio Grande soldiers have arrived at Quinaoutatoua, most likely as fodder. Meanwhile, the mostly clean frontline in the western United States really highlights the magnitude of the Dene citadel spam.
Parg seems to be struggling to take Shangdu, yet the white flood continues to roar into the city, and eventually, we may see the city take some damage. In the north Khovd enters the red, with the Chukchi ice sheet fleet somehow being more effective than the entire Parg military. Chukchi has also made peace with the THK, turning the three man race into a two man one.
Marajoara’s carpet is a bit off. While the ground military is more or less non-existent, its navy is decently armed. Though since Marjoara is essentially isolated from the rest of the world, with invasion from Rio Grande or Kulin being more or less impossible, the lack of a proper military is essentially a non-issue, at least for now while naval war is not exactly viable.
Chukchi is finally seeing the results of its grind, with Ikh Kuhree being available for the taking, and Korea being blockaded.
The sub’s greatest scribe Boethius has tallied the militaries of the world, determining that the Vandals are the undisputed military powerhouse. Behind that are the second tier militaries of Marajoara, Germany, Kulin, and Malacca
…Followed by a bunch of the mid tier militaries…
With the Neutral’s, Uzbekistan’s, and Finland's militaries being the smallest non-doomed nations. Taiping’s military is actually smaller than the singular observer sub, which is never a good sign
Speaking of militaries, Chukchi certainly knows how to use them. In the course of a turn, Chukchi has taken two cities, and has immediately decided to burn them both down. My best guess is that Chukchi is having happiness problems, which raises the question of why the hell did Chukchi wage a war where they cant gain anything. Additionally, Northern Yuan has built the Himeji castle, which may actually save the surviving Yuan from annexation.
Sliding up north, Khovd has landed under Chukchi Quarantine, and with no melee units in sight, it is likely that it will stay that way. Good work from the ice sheets.
Whoa momma, Lesotho out here looky beefy as all hell. With a dummy thicc core looking to get dummy thiccer, Lesotho is looking like an increasingly dangerous threat. Admittedly a lot of the units inside of Lesotho are non-combat units, but even ignoring those, their carpet is still impressive.
Malacca has successfully taken out one more civ from the game, that being the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom. The Heavenly Kingdom was admittedly a somewhat unremarkable nation, where despite a strong early showing, never struck at the opportunities given to it. There was hope that Cycle 2 would be better, but the Heavenly kingdom never took the chance to try and do better the second time. I honestly wish I could write more about the Heavenly Kingdom’s journeys led by a crackhead who thought he was the brother of Jesus, but unfortunately he was just not very interesting in the civ timeline. F
Also Chukchi took Choir.
Scrolling back to PARG and OH COME ON SERIOUSLY. Parg was beginning to rally the troops to take Shangdu and as soon as the troops were in range, peace was declared. At least Chukchi has less competition.
Rio Grande sends a troop of units to Niagara, and this set actually looks strong enough to take the city, with a steady size of melee ships and two composite bowmen to weaken the city to make a capture possible.
Damn another golden age, sub must be on fire this time of year which is a really bad thing saying out loud.
Just gonna slide that to the side real quick and, oh god help us all, we got a war. Admittedly it's hard seeing Nigeria v Malacca going too far, considering that all of Nigeria’s coastal cities are fairly far away or stuck in the red sea, blocked by Lesotho
Looking over at what was once considered a potential game winner, man Uzbekistan is disappointing, being reduced to a rump state, doomed to fall behind its neighbors. I mean, just look at their smallest city, the people are just begging to be nuked.
Malacca is the victim of a joint coalition, two members of which actually matter. The first and obvious one is Kulin, which will likely be the main focus of the war. Looking at what we have, Malacca looks to have the advantage and will likely take a few islands, however Kulin is also likely to reunify the continent. The second relevant war from this coalition is Lesotho. As seen back on slide 27, Malacca can actually attack Lesotho, due to being able to enter deep waters. Honestly, maybe Lesotho shouldn't have joined this war, cause they appear to have nothing to gain.
Niagara is officially under Rio Grande control, and is promptly being burned to the ground, with the Neutral soldiers being unable to stop it. Quinaoutatoua is also in trouble, being deep in the red. Thankfully, the surrounding units are all ranged, thus being unable to take the city.
Seeing his homeland in ruins, a single Zairian scout seeks refuge in the soviet union in fear of Lesotho or Nigerian persecution. It seems that his request for asylum has been granted.
Dene refugees attempt to seek a new life away from North America, with the only way to do so being to travel along the American Pacific coast. A tense situation has arised around Rio Grande attempting to stop the migration in fear of Dene expansion, updates will be reported as they happen
Malacca appears to have the advantage on the Australian coast, as all Kulin Naval units are unable to support the siege effort in Marpeang Balug. A single Kulin swordsman has been stranded from the fighting and hopes to land in Indonesia to not die. Naval skirmishes are also happening around Rokan though there's currently not enough units to take a city, unless Kulin were to pull some troops from up north.
Chukchi has appeared to have stopped razing the Northern Yuan captures, meaning that they likely fixed any potential happiness issues. Additionally, all of the captured cities appear to be secured except for maybe Choir, though favorable terrain might just protect the city.
Quinaouatoua has reached deep black health, meaning that if as much as a single man with a sharp stick were to walk in, they'd take the city with no resistance. Up further north the naval bombing of Aondironon is advancing swimmingly. The Neutrals have sent a second force in hopes of reconquest.
Meanwhile across the pond, The Vandals have declared war on the Gauls. While we have seen that the Vandals undisputedly have the largest military on the cylinder, nearly all of that is based in the sea. If the Vandals get a stable place to land their troops however, we may see another elimination.
The war for Oceania rages on, with Kulin doing a number on Marpeang Balug. Both Avarga and Rokan have taken a lot amount of damage, with opposing naval units in range of both cities
Uzbekistan is still Uzbotchistan now with some forts. Moving on…
Germany has locked down Greenland, with a surprising amount of people moving in. This is still likely a technological hindrance however, as technologies in civ 5 are becoming harder to get when more cities are created. Though with a 9 pop city on greenland of all places, this could change surprisingly quickly.
The Malaccan navy has retreated from Marpeang, potentially seeing it as a lost cause to the Kulin actual horde, and instead has focused their effort on a city even harder to say, Eumemmerring. Up north Kulin has locked down eastern Indonesia and is positioned to keep it that way.
Ok I’m gonna be real with y’all, there was so little movement between Uzbekistan and Parg I forgot they were at war. In order to punish both Uzbekistan and me, Parg has taken Nukus with minimal governmental resistance.
Now here's a cluster of flips waiting to happen. Three different cities could change hands in the course of this turn depending on how the AI moves.
Ulanhad falls to the Chukchi invaders, with Bayan Tuen being primed for invasion. It is important to note that Ulanhad is probably not being burned down and is instead just being depopulated a little bit to lower the unhappiness debuff.
The Indian Ocean is already beginning to heat up with Malacca pushing back the technologically inferior navy of Lesotho, taking the city of Moriga without resistance.
The situation in Oceania is a lot more hostile to Malacca than in Africa however, as Kulin continues to take more and more islands away from Malacca. A group of ships appears to be returning from China for support.
Aondironon has fallen to Rio Grande, as two of a possible three cities flipped since last turn. Aondironon will likely return to the Neutrals soon however, given that the city is already in the red and melee units are in range.
….There will be people to claim it. Two different Vandal settlers have founded the islands of Thagaste and Zama Regia, and a Nigerian settler has founded Benin city, miles away from Benin
Lilybaeum is currently the sole front of this Gaulic-Vandal war, likely to only take any real damage from ranged ships until a melee unit can come in to secure the landing. Looking into the Gaulic core, there are alot of horsemen, which may actually result in them being unable to take the city back. Horsemen do very little damage to cities, and an army with them as the only melee units is not exactly optimal.
A fleet of Malaccan Jongs (for those who don't know that the Malaccan equivalent of the caravel) have arrived from China in hopes to retake the lost islands. Down south Kulin has unified Australia by taking Marpeang Balug.
Just as I expected,the Neutrals have retaken Aondironon. Looking back towards Illinois, Quinaoutaatoua enters the red, and as a bonus, Rio Grande brought a large enough military to actually secure the city.
The Vandals appear to have reorganized their units in the fairly meta way as follows: ships protecting your troops and securing landing points. Granted, Lilybaeum is made to be defensive.
Northern Yuan has entered a second wind and retaken Choir, and with no Chukchi units nearby, they might actually hold it for a little bit. Ulanhad is also looking near death, with Bayan Tumen essentially being a coinflip on whether or not they flip Chukchi or Yuan.
In Africa we have a classic case of quality versus quantity, with Malacca’s few Jongs vs Lesotho's many, MANY triremes. Qacha’s Nek appears to be strained, though Lesotho does not appear to take the threat of losing a city lying down.
It's time for everyone’s favorite game: WHATS. THAT. WONDER!!! Today we are looking at Marajoara, who built the Amer Fort. The Amer Fort gives an extra point of food to a city, allowing it to grow faster.
Also as a side note I genuinely didn't know what this wonder was at first so thank you Lunar for finding it out.
Grande Offense Force 2 has come back for another stab at Aondironon, this time looking to make their gains permanent. Quinaoutatoua has also been retaken and is being razed.
The effects of war are clear when looking at the border islands population, all of which being 1. Yering and Avarga in particular are noteworthy for entirely different reasons. Yering is entirely encircled and is most likely gonna receive a hell of alotta damage coming soon. Avarga though might be a victim of scorched earth.
Bayan Tumen has been secured, and with the remaining Northern Yuan troops falling quickly it looks to stay that way. Several troops prepare to arm Karakorum to prevent it from falling. Choir and Ulanhad are both in one hit kill range, with Chukchi boats preventing relief.
The Vandals have officially landed units on the Iberian coast. This is where the Gaulic empire is really going to start feeling stressed, because now the Vandals can begin a proper land invasion, instead of taking potshots from the sea. Lilybaeum being in the red is likely to accelerate this process.
The red army is gradually advancing through Finland with a massive army at its side. As of now no units are in striking distance of the red empire, but there are alot of units that can either do a lot of damage to cities or actually take those cities. Helsinki and Kotka are likely to take some damage in the upcoming turns.
Aondironon has a metric ton of units nearby, both from Rio Grande and the Neutrals. Looking at the current stand of things Rio Grande is likely to…
I literally blinked, how did this happen in the course of a turn. All of the Rio Grande units are either gone or dispersed and the city literally flipped twice in the course of a turn (you can tell because the city is at half health). Welp sorry Rio Grande, you’re going to need yet another set of troops to try again. Hell, maybe Dene’s war declaration might distract the Neutrals long enough for you to keep the city this time.
A bunch of Jongs have circled Quach’s nek, stopping any Lesotho reclamation efforts from happening any time soon. Even if Lesotho retakes the island, Malacca is likely going to flip the island back.
Avarga has already gone up in flames, with Yering looking to fall next turn. Malacca has clearly gone the scorched earth route, so Nar Nar Goon should watch out.
Ulanhad is now under Chukchi control, with a single horseman being able to take back Choir. Interestingly enough, the southern half of the front is significantly less packed than its northern equivalent, mainly because Northern Yuan really does not want to lose its capital city.
Yup, that's what I feared would happen. The Vandals have taken Lilybaeum from the Gauls and appear to be turning the city into a permanent settlement. There are only two units that could hypothetically retake the city, both being horsemen.
Wow Nar Nar Goon might become a past-tense early. Yering is now nothing but a memory and Nar Nar Goon is already in the yellow.
Seems like Rio Grande is taking a page out of Malacca’s book and is burning down their recent taking of Aondironon. Now there are slim odds that the Neutrals can save their city from a fiery fate, but i wouldn't bet on it.
Yup there it is, Malacca has taken Nar Nar Goon in the course of a turn and is going to be evicted from life in the next. Hell looking south, Malacca might bring fire to the mainland. I'm really beginning to see why that coalition formed, can we get Punjab on this?
Now I know Nigeria’s capital having a pop of 75 this early in the game may seem like a good thing, but hear me out. While the Nigerian army and navy are impressive enough, the only thing stopping a Vandal or Lesothan, particularly Vandal, invasion is good terrain. Though if they do get enough of a military to guard their capital, then yeah this is an objective boon.
Well that caught me off guard. Northern Yuan retakes Bayan Tumen, and appears to have a strong hold on it. Good job protecting the cities near your capital Northern Yuan.
As a response to the prolonged war far up north, citizens of Rio Grande have revolted against their government. It is expected that their hideout is within the mountains of southern Mexico.
Fearing what Malacca has done to all of the cities they have taken, Lesotho has retaken Quacha’s Nek. With the Malaccan navy seeming to have abandoned the African front, Lesotho is likely to retake Morija as well.
The joint Dene-Grande effort to eliminate North America’s player 3 is going well. Dene has surrounded Khioetoa, with the only problem being that there are next to no melee units to take the city. In Kandouchu however, the opposite phenomenon exists, where Rio Grande has sent very few units, all of them being melee.
Punjab is looking to eliminate Uzbekistan, which I am kind of split on. On one hand Uzbekistan is one hell of a quagmire, but on the other, Punjab is so technologically superior that it might not even matter. The Punjab navy is certainly not going to be any help, that's for sure.
The Pacific islands (outside of Asia) are actually surprisingly peaceful. Several groups of people around the world have all gathered in different communities on islands within the pacific, all with the goal of finding a better life. The inter-island relationships appear to be surprisingly warm, which is kinda sweet.
Back in China, Bayan Tumen appears to be safely under Northern Yuan control, with Choir flipping back to Northern Yuan. Chukchi’s constant bombardment is likely to reflip the city however.
Wait scratch what I said earlier, a single Malaccan Jong has come to Morija from going back to Lesotho. Given that Morija is already in the yellow, I'd say it's too little too late.
So Punjab decided that “Hey Malacca has all of this unclaimed land near it, I might as well take some”. Normally I’d be all for this and meme Malacca for it, but i’ve seen Malacca’s reputation for burning shit down
The Malaccan reinforcements have properly arrived, and now that Malacca has both the quality and the quantity, we might be seeing a bit more blue islands.
Choir has now flipped I believe five times this episode, do I hear six. Also looking up north it appears that Northern Yuan has unlocked crossbowmen, which should help in their defensive efforts.
Checking in on North America, there appear to be two horsemen that could potentially take Khioetoa, and a bunch of trebuchets capable of doing damage to Kandoucho.
The Pacific remains the only place not touched by war in this world, with more nations scrambling for colonies. Marajoara tries to hoard an island with a troop.
Malacca’s taste for Kulin’s blood only grows stronger, as more Jongs have been sent to destroy any Kulin expansion outside of Australia. There are even some ships poised to take and presumably raze cities on the Australian main soil.
Dene and Rio Grande have both gotten their respective shit together, with Dene taking Khioetoa and Rio Grande being all but certain to take the Neutral capital of Kandoucho.
Taking a quick look at Chukchi’s core, where we see that Kagyrgyn’s great wall is coming in surprisingly well. Do feel like its worth mentioning however that Chukchi only has 2 20+ pop cities, one of which being their capital.
Marajoara and Nigeria have had a falling out and have declared war on eachother, Benin City looks pretty vulnerable right now, though it is likely to be retaken by Nigerian naval units.
Malacca has decided to focus its efforts on one giant island instead of several tiny one. Madagascar is looking pretty defenseless, so I'd reckon that Malacca might be able to get an African foothold out of this, and a potential launch point for future invasions.
What did I say Punjab? Malaccan Jongs have already surrounded Rawalpindi, looking to escalate a potential future conflict. Punjab does have a potential negation factor however, that being the fact that Punjab can take southern India any time it wants to. It's just a matter of time before somebody pulls the trigger.
Ok so maybe not this turn, but next turn Rio Grande is going to take Kandoucho and add another capital to its repertoire. (please don't screw this up Rio)
Taking a break to look at some of the nicest cities around the world, Amritsar being the nicest by far.
There are some other decent enough cities too, Lagos, Bintan, and Helsinski all come to mind. Now let's get back to global war.
Thankfully, Rio Grande didn’t choke at the one yard line. As an added bonus, Rio Grande peaced out at seemingly the right time, while also taking a city, and securing its newest settlement.
As one war stops however, another begins with Nigeria and Punjab throwing hands over who will control the Arabian Peninsula.
Seeing the threat that Malacca posed to the African mainland, Lesotho immediately went “screw that noise” and sent a defense force. While Madagascar proper may be safe Mokhotlong is probably gonna fall.
Seemingly breaking character, Malacca decides “hey let's not burn this city we just took from Kulin '' and keeps a portion of Papua New Guinea. Maybe Tarneit can share the same fate.
Looking back at the Dene-Neutral conflict, I admittedly see no way for the Neutrals to retake Khioetoa. There are very few units left that can take cities, and they are all too far away and/or blocked from attacking the city.
Moving to an empire we really have not checked on in a while, The Soviet Union. Just taking one look at their core, I can tell that they are pretty vulnerable. All of the Soviet’s units are focused on taking Finland, while the rest of the nation is completely defenseless. An invasion by Germany or PARG would likely be a tragedy.
Malacca has taken two Kulin-original cities, choosing to burn down neither. Character growth if you ask me. Marpeang Balug is likely to flip back to Kulin once that horseman enters the city
Ok so Punjab and Northern Yuan are at war but I honestly don't see much coming out of it, just because too many mountains are in the way for sufficient combat.
Back in Europe, the Soviets seemed to have finally made the century-long journey with their entire army to Helsinki. Kotka is already in the yellow, and I suspect it will be taken before the episode is over.
Welp turns out the prophecy was foretold. The Vandals officially have a strong foothold of troops in Iberia, and the land cities are all but guaranteed to see future conflict, until owned by one power.
The literal second that their joint effort ended, Rio Grande has turned heel on Dene. Given raw technological superiority, I’d give advantage to Rio Grande. Alternatively Dene could just lie low and let terrain do all the work.
As a result of this peace deal Canada was opened as a new front and Dene wasted no time tying up that loose end. I would say that Rio Grande could retake the cities, but all of their melee units are confined to the main front. Hell the Neutrals might just retake the Canadian holdings they lost with some well timed snipes.
Kotka falls further into the yellow with troops entering the walls of Helsinki expect to see some fire rain down on the city soon (™)
Our last “world slide” of the episode is a look into the Uzbekistani quagmire. Punjabi troops seem to be just beginning to enter the city of Andijan.
With that we are onto our stats. Now keep in mind that we don't have any concrete numbers but I’ll do my best with what I got.
Currently Chukchi is the overall point leader with Marajoara, Nigeria, and Malacca all being viable.
From the looks of it the Vandals have the objective strongest military, which they are using to lay the smackdown on the Gauls (if you look at the minimap, the vandals have taken all of Iberia).
Malacca and Marajoara are neck and neck for the largest gdp, far outclassing everyone else.
The top four for gold earners (excluding expenses) are the previously mentioned two “M” civs, followed by the Vandals and Chukchi.
Malacca is hoarding gold like a blue dragon, with a literally gold pit that diving into WILL kill you.
Here we have a graph on global trade, which is all over the place.
Uzbekistan is somehow the happiest nation on the cylinder proving to you being backwards makes you happy.
Marajoara is currently the science leader with only Nigeria being remotely close.
The Chukchi are the most industrious people in the pre-industrial world, and are so by a long shot.
With population, the picture is a bit more clear cut. The top 5 descending are Nigeria, Marajoara, Malacca, Chukchi, dene/finland (they have similar color schemes).
Marajoara and the Chukchi are making the most food, nuh said.
Nigeria has the most techs on the cylinder, followed by the usual suspects.
In terms of social policy, Chukchi is the most socially advanced, with a couple of new civs close behind, such as Rio Grande and the USSR
We got another gold medal for Chukchi, this time being land area. Marajoara and Punjab are not too far behind however.
Chukchi also has the most cities, which can be expected after a successful war with Northern Yuan.
Chukchi is really becoming a medal collector at this point, being the culture leader in addition to all of their other accolades.
Well this is a bit of fresh air, nobody is influential over another civ, at least yet, which is expected for the middle ages.
The gold medals seem to be an attraction too, as Chukchi is also the tourism leader.
Nigeria breaks the chain by having the most great works, not gonna lie, did not expect this.
Malacca has the most wonders. With one side of the nation at war, the other makes pretty buildings
Chukchi is back on top of the leaderboard, though they at least have competition in this graph, that being from Punjab, Marjoara, and the Soviets.
Woah, the soviets are unquestionably the most religiously active society in the CBR, which is crazy considering that they were a state atheist nation in our world.
In terms of total religious spread, the Nigerian religion of Itan is undisputedly the most followed religion….
..with only the Punjabi religion of Sikhism being able to compete.
That's the Religion map, concluding our 25th installment of the CBRX Season 2. It's been a lovely time narrating for you all, and if I missed something, feel free to leave it in the Reddit comments. The Civ Battle Royale was a huge part of my highschool years, and I feel so glad to give back to the community that i’ve been a part of for so many years. I have been Rosay, and we will see you in a few weeks.