Episode 26: Fiery Grudges

1: Welcome to Episode 26!

Goooood morning, evening or afternoon to you all! It’s u/GoatontheMountain, returning to narrate for the first time since the Inuit and Blackfoot battled for North America, Boers and Brazilians were terrifying and people took time to mock Armenia for…reasons. They were harmless and didn’t deserve to be hated. Four years ago pandemics were the stuff of science fiction for most of us, Civ VI was pretty new and we were all a little younger and less wise.

What hasn’t changed is war. Cylinder-wide, eternal, horrific war. Although, actually, that’s changed as well. For the better! Fewer peacekeepers around to muck things up, no Buccaneer fleets of carriers stretching for hundreds of miles, cool new mechanics. Those of you following your first CBR have no idea how much has been invested to improve this game.

So, whoever and wherever you are, raise a glass to the showrunners, get comfy, and enjoy episode 26 of CBR season 2!

2: A Single Moment in a Long History

If you are anything like me you have a permanent tab with the most recent map and toggle back and forth to it frequently while reading each episode. Mapmakers are the heroes we don’t deserve but desperately need, and Virheaa is the best of them.

3: The Perfect Coda to Every Episode

Orangechrisy’s Malacca in the Middle continues to provide that sweet, sweet civball flavor we crave. Most of the other OC this fortnight revolved around campaigning for season 3 candidates and as I’ve not done enough research to confidently choose horses in that race I’ll stick with what I know. And what I know is that Mansur Shah is a madman.

4: Give to Save the Children. By Sponsoring Their Destruction.

For just the price of a single cup of coffee a month you could sponsor the death of tens of millions or fictitious innocents every two weeks. Won’t you give to make a difference in the lives of these poor souls, just begging for someone to finish the game so they can rest in peace?

5: Rankings Shakeup!

We have a new leader! Will the Chukchi live up to their new reputation and push for further greatness? Will the Marajoara take their demotion as the kick in the pants they need to break out from South America? Answers lie a quick scroll away!

6: Maybe Doctors Should Be In Charge Everywhere?

We begin with a quick refresher on current governments and the loft titles they bestow upon their leaders.

P'kuee is the Mayoress of a Merchant League, which seems reasonable with no enemies but who the heck are the Marjoara trading with? There's no one within an ocean of them except for Rio Grande.

The Neutrals are run by their Healers. Could this be foreshadowing for bloodshed?

7: Differing Ideals

In a domination game it always helps to present yourself as powerful, imperious and threatening. To that end PARG is run by the elderly. Meanwhile, the Babylonians sit quietly around a campfire, no power aboard the sub but the word of Nebby. Arrogance rules in Germany and Chukchi.

08: The Red Army Rush

And we're off! In Scandinavia, where the Soviets are at war with Finland, Kotka is ready to fall before the longest of swords. Helsinki takes its first damage while Soviet troops are making landfall in the south, eyeing Viipuri.

09: Europe’s New Power

The Vandals are invading Gaul. Nemossos falls, giving Genseric control over Iberia and Vercingetorix appears to be in deep trouble. Momentum and naval power are not on his side.

10: The Calm Before the Storm

Moeshoeshoe joined Kulin in assaulting Malacca last episode and now the cows are coming home to roost. Lesotho takes back Morija and the Malaccan offensive again seems to have died out. We've seen that story before, however, and Mansur Shah's ships always return...

11: Reclaiming the Homeland

Kulin reclaim Marpeang Balug to reunite the last Australian clay and land ground troops on Papua New Guinea to fight for Tsetserleg. Malacca is not terribly aggressive here. Several Kulin settlers lurk, perhaps eyeing all the land left empty by Shah's firefest last episode…

Meanwhile the Dene look to claim the latest one tile paradise on Vanuatu. Or maybe Fiji?

12: Isthmus-Enforced Peace

All is quiet here, though some day war between Rio and the Marajoara will play a large role in deciding cylindrical dominance. For now neither has much in the way of terrestrial troops and their navies are separated by a canal-free Panama.

13: North North America Versus South North America

Rio may have started this war but Thanadelthur looks to have marshalled more forces. The Neutrals are nearly removed from relevance with only Andrachkhrob left in the North American mainland. Ciudad Victoria has been an obvious target for the Dene in every war between these two as mountains block any easy reinforcement from the Rio core.

14: Last Days of a Dying Republic

Nukus is firmly held by PARG as melee troops march on Samarkand and Andijan. There's no reason this war should last much longer before ending in elimination or a cagey peace deal by Islam Karimov.

15: Neighbors in Green

Lesotho is looking good with their new UU the Bull's Blood Warrior, a musketman replacement that gets a war charm, granting random combat bonuses (or not) to adjacency and/or fighting on hills. Nigeria has had their own UU, the Yan Lifid knight replacer. for a while and are starting to look outnumbered heavily to the south and the north, should the Vandals ever set sail for Onitsha and Lagos.

16: First Blood, Part 2

Kotka has fallen to the Soviets, whose horseman beneath the puppet logo looks like a unicorn! Children in the fallen city are allowed to escape to a more fantastical world, if only for a moment, as retreating soldiers fasten wooden horns to their mounts’ heads to distract from the march of boots and booming impact of trebuchet rounds.

Helsinki dips to yellow while the Soviet southern beachhead is firmly established. Finns drop back to defend in the shadow of their city walls while the Soviet fleet angrily mills about and wonders why the German naval bias is so high.

17: Peace Descends Upon the Islands

Marpeang and Nar Nar Goon end up back with their original owner while Tsetserleg is spared. Kulin looked to have made a grave mistake starting this war but has managed to end things on reasonably level terms. More importantly they seem to have learned their lesson and have a solid army in place in the north and ships that appear to be approaching the once and future front from around their small continent.

18: The Irresistible Advance of Progress

Kotka flips back to blue but the USSR appears firmly committed to seeing this war through. The mountains, lack of naval access and distance to Porvoo mean Mannerheim has some time left but ultimately there's nothing he can do to stave off death if Lenin presses on. All those missionaries and prophets praying for salvation won't stop a balanced army of crossbows and longswords if they're protected by nothing but much shorter swords and recurve bows.

19: Casket Tourism

Andijan takes a bit of damage as muskets head south. Samarkand is nearly out of defenders as well. In celebration, Kolchak cuts the ribbon on a shiny new tomb for his deceased spouse, the Taj Mahal, kicking off a golden age and providing endless extra happiness as only a tomb can.

20: Murderous Reptiles

The jongs return, trying a new tactic and sweeping into Mokhotolong, which they celebrate by putting it to the torch as a warning to Madagascar.

21: Civilian Defense Corps

Kulin decides that naval babies don't deserve candy and sends a fleet to relieve the now mostly landlocked Punjab of their budding colony at Rawalpindi. A defensive force of...no one will not be sufficient to save it.

22: Nowhere to Run

Kotka holds firm but Helsinki is nearly gone, Viipuri is taking solid damage and Turku should start taking stubby crossbow bolts next turn.

23: Nowhere to Hide

And Helsinki falls, the hammer and sickle rising above the Finnish heartland. Turku, having convinced the crossbows to retreat out of range, is adjudged the best choice for a new capital. Don't worry, Porvoo, you'll get to wear the star in about six turns, give or take.

24: Just Cleaning Up the Maps

Rawalpindi has fallen without fuss. Ranjit Singh should greet the news with equanimity, recognizing the likely futility of the venture, and place his next failsafe colony somewhere less threatened. Antarctica beckons…

Malacca now sports cannons as the leading science civs move into the Renaissance.

25: More Cartographic Blemishes!

I can't recall a Nigerian-Marajoaran war starting but it appears they are indeed settling some grudge, likely the founding of Benn City. War canoes are no longer peak technology but they should be plenty for this conquest. P'kuee should consider this practice for future adventures up north.

26: Scandinavian Collapse Intensifies

Helsinki, Kotka and Viipuri all fly the red and yellow, though the latter two may flip once more before succumbing permanently. Civilian units continue to mask just how small Finland's remaining defensive force is.

27: Ashes to Ashes

Mokhotolong is reduced to ash as the Kulin peace allows the full might of the blue and gold jong fleet to sweep west. Morija and Qacha's Nek have barely recovered from the last round of conquests and now face an existential threat of razing.

28: Mannerheim Goes to Live on a Farm with Grandpa. He’s Totally Still Alive, Believe Me!

Mannerheim begs a desperate peace from Lenin, sacrificing Porvoo and any hope of ever seeing the sea again to retire in relative peace to the hills of Turku. Leaving the coast halves their danger as Germany no longer presents a significant threat of elimination. Finland will live on as the Tibet to the Soviet's Vietnam.

29: Graveyard. Of. Empires. Or At Least Graveyard Adjacent.

Andijan falls to red as the PARGish muskets do their job. Still, this is far from an efficient conquest and, paired with the failure to make headway against a distracted Northern Yuan last episode, does not look good for the future good war fighting of this All-Russian AI.

Prizreni dips to yellow and Mandukhai's horcrux in Georgia is in trouble.

30: Push and Pull

We haven't seen much of this war despite the potent competitors. At last troops are moving into position, with asymmetric advances promising changes for our mapmakers. Thanadelthur wants Ciudad Victoria while Rosillo sends a massive army into Ontario and Manitoba. If the Dene don't scramble a defense quickly they stand to lose the better cities. Fortunately for them Rio is leading knights and shouldn't threaten Deline or Dettah until those cannons can creep into position.

31: Maps Get Pretty While the World Loses Its Diversity

Prizreni falls and, pending a single possible flip, this is the last Best Yuan troops will ever see of this part of the world.

32: War Canoes Forever

Benn City is absorbed into the Marajoaran empire, forming an unpleasantly similarly-shaded border with the Vandal outposts to the southeast. Will these two empires rekindle old hostilities, remembering their time battling over the Caribbean in the previous cycle? Ilorin could certainly fall to P'kuee as well.

33: Flooding Across the Waters

The jongs focus on swarming into a pincer formation but the direct attacks will come soon. Lesotho's navy is modernizing but faces a major numerical imbalance.

Looking for a PR win, Lesotho declares war on Punjab, a gesture that could be meaningful if peace can be made with the Malaccan menace.

34: Almost a Yin Yang. Just Got to Surround Deline.

Ciudad Victoria quickly drops to yellow while Dene ships scout for potential conquests in Topo de los Ayala and San Nicolas de los Garza. Rio focuses on their own goals but the Dene have pumped out a lot of new troops in the last two turns. It won't help Rosillo that most of his cannons have decided to garrison Michigan, defending the Great Lakes, where no ships can be built.

35: Rage With No Outlet

Nemossos burns and Vercingetorix appears content to hide his forces in England and Wales, all but abandoning Bibracte and its 48 million residents. If the five pop in Nemossos was too much for Vandalic happiness to bear I think we can safely assume a lot of rebels will start showing up in northern Africa if the un-torchable Gaul capital falls.

36: Cranking Up the Difficulty

PARG continues to utterly fail at taking the helpless final Uzbek cities and decide maybe what they need is more of a challenge. To that end they declare a second war on Punjab, whose forces immediately flood in to defend Karimov's land. Ideally Ranjit would hold back slightly so that PARG would take them, absorb the big diplomatic hit, and then claim them for himself.

Punjab comes in riding the high of completing Versailles, a culture wonder from Pouakai's Enlightenment mod.

37: Why Choose One Target When You Can Choose Three?

Malacca nab another Enlightenment mod, Torre del Oro, providing a very nice bonus to naval trade route range and gold along with some great merchant points.

Rather than trade with Lesotho's ports they surge forward to claim them with gunpowder. The approach is scattered and inefficient at the moment. Is this a creative feint to spread the defenders out or a case of Civ AI biting off more than it can chew? Time will tell.

38: Samar-kind of a Jerk Move

The PARG war machine did indeed find inspiration from actual defenders to take Samarkand. Just as Ranjit Singh planned, as he immediately repurposes it for himself. Punjabi troops line up south of Andijan, begging Kolchak's muskets to grab glory by eliminating the Uzbeks once and for all, knowing the victory would last precisely as long as the time it takes to process the civs between them in turn order.

39: Peacekeepers on a Mysterious Mission

The last war seems to have broken Northern Yuan's spirits as their core is nearly empty of troops. Perhaps that will change with gunpowder unlocking their lancer replacement UU.

In the meantime Chukchi are doing a great job of filling the void. If they're heading for the PARG core Omsk itself could be threatened!

40: Still Avoiding the Real Fight

Rosillo moves his cannons across Lake Michigan and into a much more sensible position to threaten Deline as his army pushes back the Dene defenders. The odds of taking the city are looking good. Ciudad Victoria should fall shortly. Where Thanadelthur's fleet goes next could decide how Dene supporters feel about this war after its end.

41: This Ocean is Mine and Mine Alone!

Malacca's strategy appears to have been actual genius as Qacha's Nek is secured, Morija will turn blue next turn, and they'll even have another chance to burn Mokhotlong (or not) very soon. There's every chance that the fleet could swoop in and take Quthing as well, really starting to solidify Malaccan hegemony over the Indian Ocean.

42: California Adopts a Cooler Palette

C. V. falls and will not flip back to Rio any time soon. To the north, Rosillo's army is suddenly less Rio Grande and more Rio Mediano as the cannons continue to meander instead of shoot and knights fruitlessly patrol the outskirts of Deline.

43: Same Story, Different Blue

Malacca's advance continues exactly as expected with steady progress across the front. Moeshoeshoe can't keep up with ship production and may be better off focusing on a solid defense of his core rather than sending ships out to be slaughtered as fast as they can be commissioned in the name of slightly slowing the invasion.

44: Getting Involved in a Land War in Asia

Another war for the All-Russians, and for once they aren't the ones declaring it! Lenin, bored after his Scandinavian evisceration ended without a complete kill, looks to the east for fresh clay. As always the Urals will make progress difficult but the sweet plains between Kharkov and Samara promise bloodshed. Despite the difficult geography a border this long was always going to spark conflict. Large armies, similar tech and a lot of chokepoints could make progress slow but Lenin's strategic game has been vastly better than Kolchak's so far. Soviet brilliance may yet carry the day.

45: Riders, Fear Not the Drummer Menace!

I stand corrected! Ciudad Victoria has flipped back, though it remains critically endangered. Still, all respect to the knights who dared rush back into the teeth of the Dene advance. To the west ships head for Rosillo's resort islands though I'm not sure they'll be enough, especially as they look to be splitting between two targets. Should they succeed I would be very concerned for the local populace with two settlers accompanying the fleet in prime position to reestablish cities after the current residents are put to the flame.

The Dene also look poised to attempt a reconquista of their long-lost city of Echaot'l Koe.

46: Burn, Baby, Burn. Then Burn Some More.

What is it about Mokhotlong that enrages Mansur Shah so? Qacha's Nek and Morija are safe but the plucky little city on Mauritius is on the eve of destruction once more. Time is a flat circle.

47: Buddies in Green

A peek in at western Africa, where troops are scarce but ships are plentiful. A quick build up and rush could be hugely profitable for Lesotho against Nigeria, but also for either Nigeria or the Vandals along their land border.

48: Happiness!!!

The people have spoken and life is just better in a city state. Once the pressure of winning the whole shebang is lifted people can just relax and appreciate the little things in life. Choosing your next building is an event, not a chore to be done twelve times per turn, Each new unit is handcrafted with love. Farms are precious. New citizens are not just welcomed but known by name. Truly, we should all aspire to live in the moment the way the humble Lawspeakers Karimove, Mannerheim and Sese Seko do.

49: Happiness!

Not to say that the great powers are universally depressed! No, there is some joy in the world. Though Malacca's murderous mayor apparently can't blame the repeated Mokhotolongian genocide on discontent as his empire is still narrowly but firmly supportive of his rule. Perhaps it's the Malaccan people who have a grudge and this score is actually the result of the merchant republic's joy at the ongoing murders?

50: Happiness.

And the bottom of the list. The Germans and Vandals, despite a lack of wars or recent conquest, Iberia notwithstanding, are frustrated with their lot. These are two of this cycle's most expansive cultures and it may be time to focus any future settlements on places where novel luxuries might be found.

51: Grind, Baby, Grind!

Samarkand is back in white and looks to stay that way. Andijan is perma-blacked and overjoyed about it. To the north Chukchi forces creep into All-Russian territory. Are they headed to try for an overland invasion of the USSR? Germany!? No one knows. Soviet and Pargish forces clash with no sign of initial advantage to either side.

With Mauritius cleansed once more Mansur Shah makes peace with Moeshoeshoe. No cities seem to have been included on the minimap. Punjab recognizes the futility of trying to get through the mountains to Xilinhot and calls a truce with N. Yuan.

52: Outsourcing Defense Contracts

Mandukhai's southern territory is well-protected by her forces and the north is thoroughly defended by Lawtiliwadlin. Malacca's cities are defended by faith and the reputation of its jong fleet, almost daring either Punjab or Chukchi to take the bait here and suffer disproportionately on the seas.

53: We’re Going on an Adventure!

The aftermath of Lesotho's poorly planned war with Malacca confirms what the minimap told us. Shah has two new colonies but Moeshoeshoe kept the more valuable cities on Madagascar and can always settle the city that shall not be named once more.

In the meantime, where are all those Kulin ships going? Oh yeah, they declared war on Punjab...twelve turns ago! This map isn't so large and conquests that seemed impossible in the first cycle are suddenly feasible with a little patience and a lot of nerve.

54: Starting to Get Awfully Smoky Around Here

Rio's islands are safe for the moment and they continue to flip Ciudad Victoria, though the Dene currently lay claim. Deline is fortified and Echaot'l Koe is now undefended. This war could still go either way.

55: Silent Slaughter

All quiet in the battle for Russian supremacy. Yes, troops are dying horrible deaths, but they are quickly replaced and nothing appears to change to the audience aboard the sub.

56: Just a Few Dozen Boats to Get Through…

The object of Kulin's desperate desire comes into sight! Gajranwala and Wazirabad are going to be brutal to take but these ships have not sailed for months to turn back now.

Nigeria builds the Topkapi Palace, getting a little bump to great scientist points, happiness and culture alongside a huge boost to religion—extra faith for every military building in the empire.

57: Start With Small Goals, Work Your Way Up

All Russia looks to claim first blood with the tiny island settlement of Smolensk tucked up against the roof of the world. The pass below Ufa is unguarded but the Soviets don't have much to press through the gap. If they did, Omsk could be in for a nasty surprise.

58: Needs More Clark

Just like that the Kulin are falling back as the frigates leading the line realize they are playing vanguard to a fleet of explorers, recon units who apparently prefer to boldly venture forth in search of new lands only when in the company of dozens of other explorers. Just like the famous Lewis and Clark and Clark and Clark and Lewis and Clark the Second and another Lewis and one more Clark expedition to map the Louisiana Purchase in North America.

59: Who Says Mounted Units Aren’t Useful for Taking Cities?

Rosillo decides to switch things up and take Ciudad Victoria with a Lancer for a change. This is taking far too long and way too many troops that Dene could be using elsewhere but one more flip looks to finish things off as no new RG melee units are in sight. In better news for the non-cheater civ in this war the Dene are advancing on Echaot'l Koe in earnest and even threatening Quinoutatoua.

60: Assholes. Just Let Them Be Neutral!

Lest we forget, the Dene are still at war with the Neutrals and their fleet has finally made it to Nova Scotia where they begin to wear down Ounonisaton. Terrestrial forces face a bigger challenge as lakes, hills and forests ably defend Andachkhrob. Making matters worse are the potshots from Rio's forces just to the south. Still, a determined push could yet see an elimination this episode!

61: Am I Doing This Right? All the Guns Go In Water, Dry Place is For Sleep?

Malacca's core looks extremely sparse. There's a few naval units around but that's about it. Fortunately for Shah the nearest Punjab cities are garrisoned by workers and missionaries alone. Still, Kulin territory is far too close to the capital to be this unprepared for war.

62: Ka-dun-dun-DAH!

Instead Malacca has sent their entire navy to threaten Nigeria's outpost at Kaduna. Barak’s settlers are sad to discover that this newest island discovery has already fallen under Awolo's influence.

63: Ponies Charging In

Kolchak decides that he wants to win this war and become the All Russians plus also the Soviet Russians ultra-pan-Russia Republic. To that end cavalry begin to circle the walls of Kharkov.

64: It’s Okay, We’ve Been Here Before.

Ounonisaton falls to red but Andachkrob looks safe as Thanadelthur prioritizes Kandoucho instead. Unfortunately for her the approach there is even more daunting than the one to the Neutral capital.

65: Overlapping Spheres of Influence

All is peaceful for the moment in the southern Atlantic. I don't see any trade delegations so it's difficult to say what the relationships are like among these three powers. But make no mistake, for as well as they've done in Africa, both the Vandals and Nigeria only abide here at P'kuee's pleasure.

66: A Slowly Shifting Tide at the Front

It's looking more and more like Rosillo and Thanadelthur need to declare peace and take a break from the resource drain of this grinding war. The Dene may be able to advance a bit farther but could just as easily be pushed back.

67: City State FTW!

Nova Scotia has fallen and the Neutrals can officially get happy. Fortunately for Thanadelthur Rio's ships to the south have never been upgraded and shouldn't pose an immediate threat to her new eastern border.

68: Waz That the Plan?

Punjab and Nigeria make peace. While Wazirabad looks like an easy target for Awolo's army it never took a lick of damage in this war. Kulin explorers decide to make an absolute nuisance of themselves and swarm into the Arabian peninsula and Somalia.

69: Gaul-ism?

I don't recall the Vandals and Gaul ever making peace but their border looks quiet and peaceful apart from the many, many fires. If only there was a word for minor crimes against property. Something-ism.

Back in college a friend of mine got so curious he wrote an entire, several thousand word history of the Vandals just to share with the rest of us after we spent a night debating what this nation could have done to become synonymous with such a low level of offense. I don’t remember the answer but the report was subtitled “Death by Peat Bog” so I’m assuming they ended up mired in hopeless conflict somewhere in the UK.

College was a weird time.

70: Feasting in the Shade of the Gallows

In Andijan the Black revelers pass drunkenly in the streets. Musket balls and catapult stones are just tiny, dim fireworks to these joyful fatalists. A half-dead unit of infantry approaches but will they actually take the city? Or be drawn in by its charms and defects in pursuit of ultimate bliss?

71: Mine. This Is All Mine.

I feel like I should recognize the bold icon on the right but I don't. Presumably it has to do with the advanced governance mod. Maybe someone more knowledgeable than I can enlighten us?

What I can tell you is that the Vandals are out of their damn minds. How on cylinder did they get so many settlers into the Pacific!? I always assumed this area would be a race between Kulin, Malacca, Chukchi and Marajoara with William Barak the heavy favorite to take them. Instead the North Americans have taken chunks, the South Americans claimed the far side of the ocean, and a civ from north Africa has the whole middle of the map. With sparse navies any one of these areas could sweep or be swept by any other with a little effort.

72: So Much Dying for So Little

Rosillo and Thanadelthur apparently heard my almighty narrator's edict and do indeed make peace. Rio Grande started this war but it's the Dene who come up with the only spoils, the long contested Ciudad Victoria their hard-earned prize. Workers will spend years healing this land, only for the war to start again once the great generals are through adding new citadels all across the landscape.

73: Communists Lack Ambition

Smolensk narrowly holds while the Soviets appear disinterested in pressing their case anywhere in a war they started.

74: Gah! Burn It With Fire! Why Won’t It Go Away!

Nemossos is back and the war resumes. Genseric has heard the legend of Mokhotlong and decided his own people need such a rallying point. Propaganda posters pop up across the empire depicting a den of darkest iniquity. The army converges to rid the world of this blight. Perhaps this time it will be replaced by a wholesome German hamlet to the west.

75: Tiny Victories

And the All-Russians have done it! They take their second city of the episode at the top of the map. Literally no one can top Smolensk, it's clearly the pinnacle of civilization!

76: Bad Puns

Kaduna is Ka-done-a and the jongs drift casually back towards Australia. Will they build momentum and smash into the Kulin flank? Or hunker down in the center of the ocean and wait for some new war to rouse them?

77: And the Grind Goes On

Ranjit Singh decides that letting PARG take two cities in an episode is a bridge too far and vows to deflate Kolchak's rapidly swelling head. Orange-clad forces swoop back north to liberate the once-Uzbek city of Samarkand.

In celebration of their new purpose they unveil Wat Phra Kaew, earning faith, culture, happiness and extra influence with city states...

78: And Then There Were 17…

...and moments later one of those city states blinks out of existence! At first I thought PARG had finally taken the city, only for Punjab to immediately avenge the elimination, but the placement of the units didn't make sense. Only now do I realize Punjab was at war with Uzbekistan dating back before this episode even began. For more than 30 turns they've been the ones keeping the city in the black and only now, with their newfound influence, did they have the guts to send in a knight to claim the city and the elimination for themselves.

Uzbekistan was once a strong contender, back in the halcyon days of the first cycle, but an insistence on filling the world with peacekeepers led to bankruptcy. Bankruptcy crippled the Uzbek education system and soon all those troops they kept pumping out found themselves bringing rifle rifles to a plasma rifle fight. A new map and a fresh start could have seen a resurgence but mediocre bonuses and a lack of ambition doomed Islam Karimov to sad, quiet existence and a quick end. At least he'll get to claim one of the coveted top bunks aboard the sub while he waits for the other leaders who will inevitably fall with time.

79: Nemossos? Screw Those Guys.

Throughout the Vandalic Dominion people rejoice as the dark blight of Nemossos the Unspeakable is burned. Vercingetorix's dark city cannot stand before the flame of Vandal justice.

80: All-Russian Creep

Smolensk is healing and PARG moves on to Krasnodar. The Soviets continue to be stunningly passive in contrast to their efficient, purposeful dismemberment of the Finns.

81: “Oft Hope Is Born When All Is Forlorn”

Samarkand falls and Nukus suddenly looks very isolated. Still, despite a two front war, PARG's military shows no signs of tapering off…

...but wait, what is this!? The last of the Uzbek party people have escaped, taking with them their finest scientific minds, in search of a new home. Normally at this point in the game that's a hopeless venture but here in the heart of the Arabian peninsula there looks to be a perfect piece of unclaimed land! Sadly, though, that desert is all the property of Nigeria as what appears to the casual observer as the eastern boundary of Port Harcourt is actually just a river. Is there another spot where a poor settler might plant her flag? Can these desperate survivors restore their empire? Time will tell. Punjab makes peace, either not noticing the settler escaping Singh's grasp or lacking the stomach to have to potentially eliminate Karimov a second time.

82: Boom. Boom. Boom.

Freed from their war with Rio Grande the Dene turn to try for a kill of their own. Sacred drums boom as forces converge. The lakes fill with canoes while horses and crossbows pick their way through the forest. A few pikemen are all that remain to safeguard neutrality in this world of conflict.

83: Quiet Target Practice

And yet! Moments later a peace deal is struck. Thanadelthur will not be the one to finish off Tsouharissen. At least not today. Instead of blood we take a look at the peaceful lands of the Marajoara, who have done nothing more than pick at some one tile islands all episode. P'kuee looks very focused on filling the rainforest with crossbows, which would be an excellent defensive strategy if there was anyone who could approach her cities from that direction. In the meantime she looks to be neglecting her navy and both the Vandals to the east and Rio to the west look like they could rip off some of her coastal cities without much effort.

84: How Many Times Do I Have to Kill You?

Secure in the knowledge Nemossos is finally gone for good, thanks to the hardy German folk now settled in Bremen, the Vandals finally move on to cautiously investigate Gergovia and the approach to Alessia. Germany slumbers on, content to rest on their glorious conquest of Prizreni long ago.

85: PARG’s Will to Fight is Unending

Samarkand flips and this war looks like a meatgrinder with no obvious avenues for a breakthrough apart from gross incompetence by one of the participants.

86: Repent and be Rumped!

PARG take tenuous hold of Krasnodar. Finnish prophets travel across the Soviet Union, looking to shame the citizenry for their nations callous aggression while preaching the gospel of city state delight.

87: A Decent Enough Place?

The Kulin core is...unremarkable? Their cities are all growing well but none are exceptional. The military is present but not overwhelming. There's potential to be sure but stationing the majority of their fleet on the wrong side of the continent from where it could be of any use is not an auspicious start.

88: Let These Poor Cities Rest!

Samarkand flips again and peace secures it for Punjab. Both sides were clearly ready for this war to end and now Punjab can focus on rebuilding its army and PARG can turn all their attention to the southern front of their war with the Soviets.

89: Surprise Snipe Elimination!?!?

Tsouharissen thought he was safe after weathering the storm of wars with both Rio and the Dene but he may not be in the clear just yet! P'kuee's expeditionary force here is small but if they set that trebuchet up across the water and combine it's bombardment with a naval assault those muskets may be able to finish the job.

90: Dust in the Wind

Vandal forces dissipate quickly and the Gauls look set to plod on quietly, spread out thin from Brest to Labrador, a purposeless chain of green and gold outposts waiting for the day Germany gets sufficiently bored to run a training exercise with their cities as the prize.

91: Relentless. Not Very Effective But Relentless.

PARG continue to impress in this war, even if they aren't making any significant progress. There's a moral victory to be had in spending the whole of your defensive war on the front foot and the residents of Kharkov are getting a close up look at what happens when you disrespect Kolchak. The Soviets finally test out the road to Samara but find it well defended.

92: You’ve Got Too Much Blue in Your Green.

Awolo decides he has built up enough and announces his intention to reclaim his first cycle heritage as Africa's dominant civilization! Lesotho looks to have the stronger army and the navies, as far as we can see, are evenly matched in the Atlantic. It will be a few turns before we can start to really judge this conflict but the outcome could create a new top-tier contender for the title of most Royale ruler.

93: Neutrals Never Say Die

Andachkhrob takes a little damage but the Marjoara trebuchet sails the wrong direction after a Rio Grandese citadel eliminates the obvious staging ground. Nothing is set in stone but the Neutrals look safe at the moment.

94: A Most Menacing Zzzzzzz…

A true sleeping giant, Chukchi have literally not harmed so much as a fly this episode. Their navy is solid and skewed towards North America but could really go anywhere in the Pacific and do serious damage. On land the army is mostly cannons with a few knights and crossbows, not an ideal combination for expansion but more than enough to ensure Best Yuan entertain no thoughts of reclaiming their old territory.

95: There Is No Freedom Nor Any Order Without His Will

Lesotho started strong, pressing forward from Kinshasa and trying to beat the Nigerian defense to the outskirts of Kananga. Nigeria looks to move on Teyateyaneng but lack the forces to do any damage initially. None of that matters, however, for what Awolo says is law. The newly fascist nation lives to enforce his will upon an unsuspecting world.

96: Are These Cities Really Worth It?

Krasnodar remains the focus of this theater and now the Soviets look ready to reassert dominance with PARG withdrawing.

97: Carcasses Around Karkhov

PARG is doing damage to Kharkov and may just surprise us! White-clad soldiers are slipping through the lines to sow chaos and disorder in the pastures beyond.

98: Round Three Let’s GOOOOO!!!

And shortly after the battle for Africa begins the two titans of the south Pacific resume hostilities! This time it's Mansur Shah throwing down the gauntlet and his forces look much better prepared than Nigeria's were. Rawalapindi and Nar Nar Goon take immediate damage and Marpeang Balug drops to the green reflexively. If Malacca can take complete control of the various islands at play here I don't think Kulin will ever be able to break out. There's nowhere left for them to expand east and their neighbors are too committed to naval dominance to get to Asia. If Malacca can take the islands AND grab a solid beachhead with a couple cities in Australia proper Kulin would fall from the ranks of contenders entirely. In short, this is the moment that could define Barak's whole legacy.

99: A Meeting of Very Angry Ships

While the conflict on land is stalemated Nigeria is making a strong play for Thab Tseka. Lesotho has plenty of ships to contest the island but this is one area where one shade of green looks to have a clear advantage overall.

100: Still Out Here in the Cold. What’s it Take to Get Transferred Back to Moscow?

Krasnodar is red but PARG introduces a new strategy, falling back on land while finally putting their navy to use. Soviet troops are baffled and the small community of Baku watches nervously.

101: Neigh!

The Vandals and Lesotho make peace. Could this be a precursor to double team and eventual partition of Nigeria? The Vandals are decidedly deficient on land but that navy could slip through Gibraltar and cause huge issues for some of Nigeria's most important cities.

Meanwhile, in Germany, everyone loves horses.

102: Choppy Waters

Thaba Tseka falls to red as the naval skirmishes continue across the theater. Mounted combat in the thickest jungles of the continent continue to prove difficult for both sides on land and one wonders whether this war needs to pause until aviation has made its debut on the cylinder.

103: What Is Orangechrisy Going to Make of Actually Effective Malaccan Conquest?

The Kulin are fighting back but it's an uphill battle. Rawalpindi is on the verge of falling, while a line of jongs slip down towards Woori Yallock and Marpeang Balug. Nar Nar Good is holding up better but again the reinforcements are heavily weighted towards the northern aggressors there. And, last we checked, somewhere just off screen, is a huge Malaccan armada in the middle of the ocean and the bulk of the Kulin fleet lurking on the bottom of the continent. How those two forces are deployed will weigh heavily on the outcome of this war.

104: A Soggy Surprise for the Soviets

For as much as we talk down on the AI's ability to handle naval conflicts the land wars in Russia and Africa are proving much less dynamic or entertaining than what is transpiring between Malacca and the Kulin. Krasnodar abides.

105: Just When Things Were Getting Good…

Kharkov is significantly damaged but the PARG melee forces have been driven off. Someday this border will change, but today is not that day.

And on that sad note we come to the end of this episode. Uzbekistan is no more...we think. The Neutrals live on in a never ending fight for their lives. PARG are proving to be a bullet sponge, unbreakable by the Soviets or Punjab. The Dene and Rio have unfinished business, while Lesotho and Nigeria and Malacca and the Kulin are all out to finish theirs. The outcome of these wars will echo for millenia to come!

Episode 26: Fiery Grudges – S2