Episode 3: Burn, Baby, Burn!

1: This is your captain speaking

Ahoy everyone! This is Vivala, aka u/vivalahomestar - part time community member, part time modder, most of the time lurker - here to give you your Seabricks fix. Now that the early wars are in full swing, we get to see how the rest of the cylinder reacts, which civs can hold up under pressure, and which civs really start to throw their weight around. It’s gonna be an exciting time, and I want to thank the team for giving me the opportunity to narrate so early in the game!

2: A New Makeover

Our OC for this week coincidentally comes from last episode’s narrator, HillSpawn! I’m pretty sure Thanadelthur is the first leader to get a new civball based on her performance. Given the efficient takedown and torching of Four Bears’ northern cities, I’d say she’s earned it.

3: CBRX is brought to you by viewers like you... thank you.

Running this game isn’t easy. Between servers, CDN, hardware, and the time investment, CBRX can get pretty costly, and it’s thanks to generous community donations that it keeps running smoothly. Big thanks to everyone who’s contributed so far! If you want to help keep the bloodshed going, you can make a monthly donation on the Patreon or a one-time donation on Ko-fi. Don’t forget, you get some nice bonuses for donating, like private discord channels, special flairs, the ability to request screenshots, inserting in-character narration into past albums, and a bi-weekly balance bonus on the stock exchange!

4: ARedundantSofa’s BabylonMap

Today’s map is the BabylonMap by u/ARedundantSofa, which was released within mere hours of last episode. Not only is it fast, but it’s pretty to look at, and the clear borders make it really easy to read at a glance. I know I was checking it a lot when writing this episode.

5: All Are Below All-Russia

All-Russia ascends to the top spot, overtaking Northern Yuan and Burkina Faso. Sporting a tech advantage and lots of open land to gobble up, Kolchak has the potential to be a force to be reckoned with. Will he live up to this potential, or will he, like his predecessors at the top, fall from grace?

6: Greens Going Down

We start on the northern coast of South America, where Spanish Town remains in a precarious position. Things haven’t exactly gotten worse than the last time we saw the city, but that Gran Colombian army is still an existential threat.

To the East, P'küee enters her war room after many days deep in thought. Each South American leader has had their own take on the Paraguayan menace, and hers is especially unique. If she can’t beat Lopez, she might as well use his wrath to her advantage. Perhaps a two-front war could net her some Palmarean cities.

7: Tactical Retreat

Wilhelm II was so elated to hear about the tiny, undefended city of Lutetia that he didn’t stop to listen to his generals’ warning about the terrain. Assaulting Lutetia required a nightmarish trek through Gaul-infested woods, and assaulting Gergovia required a grinding slog through marshy riverlands. The terrain proved too much for the exhausted German troops, and they were forced to pull back to Vienna. That city is safely in German hands, but the others may take longer than expected to seize.

To the West, Welsh forces bring Santiago de Compostela closer to collapse.

08: Georgians in Exile

To the Georgian soldier, a plucky lad of 18 freshly deployed from Tbilisi, the lands of Gori were completely alien. The ground was totally flat, as if some god had come and chopped down the hills, and a nigh impenetrable layer of snow and frost coated the fields. It was miserable. Every time he asked his captain what they were doing there, he was told it was to guard the copper mine, but every time he checked the deposits, there was no such mine. What had he done to deserve this pointless, frozen hellscape?

09: Ill-fated Amphibious Assault

War rages between Japan and Chukchi. Though the war was Kakuei’s idea, his forces have had little luck so far. Japan has enough ground units in the area to potentially take a city like Uvelen, but they’re scattered to the winds, split between Honshu, Hokkaido, and the Sea of Japan. Lawtiliwadlin isn’t in any position to take cities either, but the defense of his lands should be simple enough.

10: Provoking the Beast

Seeing Solano Lopez’s feeble attempts to invade Palmares, Lautaro gets a bit cocky and plops Newken right next to his enemy, a good ways away from his own land.

P'küee is fully committing to her war with Zumbi, but the jungle is dense and Subupira is well defended. The city may fall, but it will be a harsh fight to take it.

11: Jacob Morenga’s Bad Day

Things are not looking great for Namibia. Rehoboth looks set to fall to Zaire, Seko is about to lock Namibia in with a settler, and Lesothan troops are swarming around Kactchanas. Favorable terrain and a decent army prevent these attacks from being existential threats to Namibia, but they could spell an end to Morenga’s dreams of being a regional power.

Meanwhile, Genseric realizes that what his fragmented empire really needs is some good infrastructure, so he builds a set of huge triangles to motivate his workers. In lands unknown to Morenga and Genseric, Thanadelthur ceases hostilities with Four Bears.

12: Just Standing There... Menacingly

Thakhek is about to collapse, but the Vietnamese offensive’s one adjacent melee unit is weak. If Fa Ngum can play his cards right, he might keep the city. At least, that’s what he tells himself. Those Malaccan troops are awfully close, and if Mansur Shah declares war, it’s over.

Just out of view to the North is the last’s slide’s new religion. Though the residents of the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom have long worshipped their leader as the brother of Christ, it wasn’t until recently that someone compiled Hong Xiuquan’s words into a holy text, forming the basis of Bai Shangdi.

13: Seeds of Regret

Though this screenshot just shows Kolchak declaring war, Kublai Khan also joined the fight against the Manchu. Nurhaci appeared calm in his speech to his troops, noting that the Yuan “are a bunch of dumb barbarians, so we have nothing to worry about.” But things changed as troops began to return from the front lines. They reported that the Yuan were at least as advanced as the Manchu troops, and a select few soldiers were furious with Nurhaci for supposedly lying to them.

Also of note, Hong Xiuquan peaced out with Kublai Khan, allowing him to focus his attention on Nurhaci.

14: The Iron Curtain

Lenin’s grip on Danzig grows stronger by the day. Hermann von Salza rushes troops in from Konigsberg, but it may be too little too late. The Teutons can at least rest easy knowing the rest of the Red Army is contained in the Soviet core.

15: West Coast Woes

Comcomly has the clear military advantage in the Chinook-Tongva war, but the rugged Californian coastline is making it hard to advance on Pipiimar, despite the small defensive force.

16: Hubris, Meet Lopez

Solano Lopez took Lautaro’s latest settle the same way he takes everything: as an insult. He was so insulted, in fact, that he diverted his invasion force away from Palmares, towards Newken.

Meanwhile, P'küee struggles to invade Subupira, but advances a settler to the South to box in Zumbi.

17: More Anger at Morenga

Last slide, we saw Zanzibar jump on the Namibia hate train, and on this slide we see the Vandals do the same. The fighting has drained both Morenga and Moshoeshoe’s armies to the point where the Southern front of the war is virtually empty. Instead, the action is centered around Kactchanas, where Zaire and Lesotho struggle to break the Namibians’ resolve.

18: Leg Day Eternal

Uzbek troops push to the West towards the Kurdish city of Elih. Though war has not been declared yet, the residents of the city fear they will soon be sacrificed to the whims of Islam Karimov.

Nearby, a far-flung group of Georgian colonists undergo a strange transformation. Ever since the city received its name of Dvin, the residents have become enamoured with exercise, and buff legs are the new normal.

19: Spanish Town’s Going Down

Spanish Town is on its last legs. Though Jamaican forces have managed to beat back Gran Colombia’s melee troops, it is only a matter of time before the city falls. Does this spell the end of the $JAM stock bubble?

To the South, Lautaro reacts to attacks by Solano Lopez by doubling down on traditional faith. A collection of beliefs are codified and standardized across the civilization, resulting in the newly-forged Witran Mapu religion.

20: Subpar Subupira Invasion

P'küee utters a select few swears towards Solano Lopez as she receives word of the siege of Subupira. Sure, her forces are getting closer every day, but this was supposed to be a swift victory, not a grind. At this rate, she’ll be left much more vulnerable, even if she manages to take the city.

21: Bashed By Boats

Lawtiliwadlin, sick of errant Japanese troops harassing his citizens, decides to finally strike back. He calls for two ships in his core to venture to the city of Nagaoka and see what they achieve. The triremes likely aren’t enough to take the city, but they should make Kakuei a bit worried.

22: Cleopatran Chaos

With the Red Sea between it and the rest of the empire, Hermoupolis is an easy target for any Middle Eastern civ. Mustafa Barzani decides to go for it, sending a mass of troops from Sine. However, it wouldn’t be a Civ Battle Royale without peacekeepers, and today some Hejazi chariot archers decided to play that role.

Somalia also joined the war against Cleopatra, but with many miles of tiles between them, it’s unclear how much Barre will be able to contribute.

23: Trading One Foe For Another

In the time since we last saw Laos, Fa Ngum managed to peace out with Vietnam, but just as feared, Mansur Shah quickly swooped in to attack Thakhek instead (along with Hong Xiuquan). The defense of the city is going well enough, but there are enough Malaccan troops to take it in time.

Malacca itself has taken on an interesting shape. With most of the islands blanketed by jungle, Malacca opted to expand by water. The result is a civ that spans the critical waterways of Southeast Asia, but leaves many openings for opportunistic neighbors to snatch nearby land.

24: Sahara Struggle

Thomas Sankara has been busy since we last saw him. He launched a war against the Tuareg back on turn 64, and quickly plopped down the city of Fada N’gourma in the golden hills near the Tuareg capital. The Tuareg’s defensive prowess and the army surrounding Abalessa may slow the Burkinabe troops down, but that may not be enough to keep Sankara’s revolution out of the desert.

Meanwhile, Cleopatra makes peace with Kosovo.

25: (Really) Spanish Town

Gran Colombia has finally captured Spanish Town! Though now the Spanish-speaking troops are a little confused on what to call it. English Town? Town? When asked what he would call it, Bolivar simply replied “Mine.”

This slide also gives us a good perspective on how empty the Caribbean is. Cuba, Hispaniola, and roughly 13 other islands lay up for grabs.

26: The War that Wasn’t

The Ural Mountains are quiet. Believe it or not, Perm and All-Russia are at war right now. However, nature has blessed Saint Stephen with a defense Kolchak cannot overcome. Kolchak has since founded two cities closer to the front, Arkhangel’sk and Chita, but they have yet to bring him any closer to victory.

In other parts of the world, Cleopatra makes peace with the Tuareg, Punjab formally adopts Sikhism as its religion, and Wales, though its notification is not present, adopts Anglicanism.

27: All Around Arabia

Hussein bin Ali finally begins the work of claiming the Arabian Peninsula for Hejaz. Since the end of last episode, he’s settled Yanbu and Tabuk and has another settler ready to go. These cities, particularly Tabuk, can only stay around as long as Kurdistan tolerates them, unless Hejaz can seriously build up its army.

Meanwhile, Mansur Shah celebrates his (hopeful) victory over Laos by constructing a massive monument in Malacca: the Parthenon.

28: Boats Work? Who Would’ve Guessed?

The Chukchi seize Nagaoka, which leaves Osaka completely cut off from the rest of the empire. This is a disaster for Kakuei, and throws a major wrench into both his war against the Chukchi and his efforts to form a continental empire.

The Manchu settled the city of Girin nearby. If Nurhaci makes it out of this war with the Yuan, then we could see a Manchu-Chukchi war along this border.

29: Everything’s Coming Up Morenga

Against the odds, Namibia not only managed to hold on to Rehoboth, but it also drove away the remaining Lesothan troops. Zaire is still a bit of a threat, but this war is proof that Jacob Morenga should not be underestimated. If he can rebuild faster than his neighbors (which he already has a leg up on), he may become a regional power after all.

Meanwhile, Wales finally makes peace with Spain. While Llywelyn didn’t strengthen his foothold on the continent, he did hold on to his settlement in Brittany, which is better than many previous British powers can say.

30: Northern Migration

The Dene and Chukchi’s chances of settling Alaska are growing dimmer as the Chinook creep up the coast, settling Wahkiakum and preparing to follow up with another city. Thanadelthur’s fiery wrath has thus far been concentrated on Four Bears, but Comcomly may have to contend with it soon enough.

Down in South America, tensions over Cerro de Potosi boil over into all-out war between Peru-Bolivia and the Mapuche.

31: Subcontinental Squabble

The mountains, jungle, and Punjab have shielded the Chola and Bhutan from each other so far, but fighting finally breaks out as a Chola ship pulls into the waters around Phuntsholing. Though this battle will not be consequential, both leaders hope to demonstrate their might as they prepare to expand towards other civs. You can see one Chola settler and two Bhutanese settlers preparing to head out.

32: Iceland Icelands on North America

A new settlement of pale-skinned strangers popped up near the city of Niagara. The local Neutral delegation quickly arrived with a peace offering: beaver pelts, which the pale-skinned settlers had always gone wild for. Yet these strangers rejected the offer and seemed to only want to talk about fish.

33: Compensating for Losses

Antonio Canales Rosillo was frustrated by the loss of Saltillo, but he wasn’t the sort of man to wallow in self-pity. He wouldn’t just roll over and give North America to the Mississippi. Without hesitation, he sent two settlers to the East, one of which quickly settled Tampico in the Mississippi River delta.

Over in Great Perm, what had once been a quiet reverence for Saint Stephen had grown to a fever pitch as the “war” with All-Russia went on. Soon, Stephen’s influence over local faith had grown so strong that it branched off into a new religion: Eastern Orthodoxy.

34: Low-Stakes Combat

La Guerra de Potosi quickly ground to a halt. Lautaro’s troops are too sparse to make a meaningful assault on Lima and Andres de Santa Cruz’s troops are stuck in the mountain passes. Barring a miracle or major intervention, this war likely won’t go anywhere.

35: The North Indian Alliance

Raja Raja I’s rapid expansion alarms Ranjit Singh, prompting him to join the war on Bhutan’s side. Though the distance between them and rough terrain makes expeditions into either side’s core unlikely, we may see some action on the western flank.

36: Palmares Begins to Crack

After grueling campaigns on both fronts, the Marajoara and Paraguay are both making progress against Palmares. Solano Lopez, content to see Lautaro stuck in a war against Peru-Bolivia, turns his attention away from Newken and begins to damage Dambrapanga, while P'küee finally damages Subupira.

Back in Asia, Kolchak is content that Punjab will be a good ally to Bhutan, and exits the war with the Chola.

37: Putting Red in the Red Sea

The Hejazi peacekeepers finally abandon their efforts, leaving Hermoupolis to the mercy of Kurdistan. Cleopatra seems to have realized that the city is a lost cause, and opted to keep her troops in Africa. Or perhaps she’s preparing to mount a defence against Two Sicilies now that Ferdinand I is attempting an assault across the Mediterranean.

38: Sankara Strikes

Tin Hinana decides that war with Burkina-Faso isn’t worth it, and offers up Ubari to appease Sankara. The desert may burn hot, but Sankara’s revolution burns hotter - so hot, in fact, that Ubari begins to burn to the ground. Sankara has sent a clear message to the Tuareg: those who do not join the revolution will be crushed by it. And he is more than happy to spend production replacing them with a city of his own.

39: Quite Loud on the Western Front

New cities pop up all along the coast, as Raja Raja and Ranjit Singh try to cut one another off. Ultimately, Punjab was successful, encircling Chola with his own settlements and preparing to strike the young city of Thirvarur. The hills and rivers will aid the city’s defense, but its chances of survival are slim.

40: Revolts in Bloom

The Manchu have held their own against the Yuan just fine, but the domestic situation has thrown Nurhaci into a panic. Those frustrated soldiers from the start of the war turned into full on revolutionaries, spreading word that Nurhaci was a liar and an unworthy ruler. The unrest has brought his cities halfway to death before Kublai Khan’s forces could even touch them.

41: Forest Fire

After countless years of war, Palmares and Paraguay finally make peace. Zumbi, seeing his army weaning and the Marajoaran army still advancing, trades away Dambrapanga in exchange for a quicker peace. Lopez expected to feel joy when he finally got his hands on the city, but after such a long and exhausting war, all he could feel was frustration.

“What should we do with the city, Presidente?” one of his troops asked.

Lopez let out a long sigh as he turned away and walked towards his horse. “Burn it.”

42: Intercontinental Boat Mishaps

Ferdinand I wasn’t kidding around when he declared war on Cleopatra. Before Cleopatra could muster her defense, a swarm of triremes had descended upon Memphis. The force looks strong enough to take the city, but there are quite a few Ptolemaic archers laying in wait.

43: Miracle Defense

Despite all odds, Fa Ngum has once again defended Thakhek! This time, he did so well that the city has managed to heal back to full health. Mansur Shah doesn’t look ready to quit now, but it’s a promising sign for Laos.

44: Fertile Faiths

Much of the rich land of irl China has still yet to be filled, leaving a sizable gap between Taiping and the Yuan. For the era, Taiping has a couple of hefty cities, with Tianjing and Jintian sitting at 12 each, which is larger than most capitals.

45: Fighting Faiths

Though this scene only shows one religion being founded, we actually have two, both of which are part of this war. Cleopatra founds Dodekatheism, calling back to the 12 gods supposedly living on top of a mountain in her ancient homeland. Mustafa Barzani founds Yazdanism, or the “Cult of Angels” as some call it, rejecting the faith pushed by nearby Jerusalem.

And there we have it, that’s every single religion that can be founded! Though other civilizations carry their own beliefs, the weight of these faiths will soon push out and bury these “heathen religions” and the civs that founded their own will come to reap the benefits.

46: Southern March

Punjabi forces descend upon Thiravurur. The city has a few defensive units, but they are not likely to hold up for long. Ranjit Singh better hope he can end this seige quickly though. Uzbek forces have crept down to the fresh, undefended cities to the North, with a settler in tow.

47: Time for Spanish Bay?

With the last of the Jamiacan resistance around Spanish Town soon to be crushed, Bolivar wonders where he should liberate next. “Perhaps Montego Bay?” he thinks, sending an expeditionary force North from Bogota to test the city’s defenses.

48: A Slow Burn Revenge

We turn our attention to a divided Honshu, where we see a humiliated, furious Tanaka Kakuei. Not only has he built a settler, perhaps to claim more of his home island, but he’s also taken a page out of the Chukchi’s playbook and finally cranked out some triremes. If Kakuei can master the highly complicated idea of “boats are good for island warfare” then perhaps he stands a chance after all.

Across the Pacific, the Chinook and Tongva finally realize that they just aren’t prepared for a war on that terrain, and call it quits.

49: Beacons of the Ancient World

Now for a quick break from war and bloodshed. Malacca and Finland are the only two civs to give any attention to the arts, and for that they have captivated the hearts and minds of their peers. Will that be enough to spare them from future wrath? Only time will tell.

50: Double Kill!

Not only does Ranjit Singh capture Thiruvarur, but he also takes Nagapattinam, seemingly out of nowhere! Already stuffed full of small, vulnerable cities, Punjab opts to put the torch to Thiruvarur, making it the third city to be burned in this episode.

51: The Siege of Uvelen

Kakuei launches his fleet, sending them straight for Uvelen. It seems that uniting Honshu is his top priority. He has a decent number of triremes, but Uvelen has grown a lot since the start of the war, and Lawtiliwadlin has a navy of his own, so the invasion may not be as successful as Kakuei hoped.

52: Death Flag

Terror rocks the entire Teutonic Order. The thing they feared more than anything has just come true: a two-front war against Germany and the USSR. Everyone knew this could happen one day. In fact, the whole purpose of Memel was to prepare for this very event. Yet, despite preparations, both mental and physical, the civilization is gripped by a primal panic. Hermann von Salza tries to calm his people, but he too knows that this may be the end of them all.

53: Long-Distance Liberation

“Aha!” declared Bolivar, pointing to a small city on the border of Paraguay. “Look at those poor fools, trapped between the yolks of Paraguay and Peru-Bolivia. Don’t worry, Newken, I, Simon Bolivar the Liberator, shall save you!”

54: Montego Bay Lives Another Day

“And for goodness sake, someone put out all those fires around Spanish Town!” continues Bolivar, hopping on his horse.

“And what about our war with Jamaica?” asked one of his advisors.

“Oh. Right. Send a letter to Marcus Garvey. Tell him we’re cool I guess.”

55: Free Willy

The Welsh sailors had been trapped in the waters between Niagara and Mosfellsbaer for years. All they wanted was safe passage home, but the Icelandic representative insisted the Welsh stay where they were, so as to not violate their fishing rights. Eventually, the Welshman got sick of it and tried to make a break for freedom on their own, but were quickly caught. The whole thing spiralled into a full on war, much to the shock of the Icelandic and Welsh residents of Great Britain.

Meanwhile, Bhutan calls it quits. Leaving the war against the Chola to Punjab.

56: Big-headed General vs. Giant Heads

Antonio Canales Rosillo, still furious about his loss to the Mississippi, decides another war is in order to regain his pride. The Olmecs, whose nearest city is their high population capital, which is surrounded by troops and rough terrain, seems like a terrible pick, particularly for someone who relies so heavily on horses. But hey, maybe he’ll pull off a miracle.

57: Journey to the West

Convinced that demons are pulling the strings in Laos, Hong Xiuquan finally commits troops to the war, telling his soldiers that the long, westward journey will help them purify their souls. In reality, the journey will likely keep them from mounting an effective offense.

Back in South America, Marajoaran artists take inspiration from the Olmecs’ colossal heads and start sculpting humans of their own- albeit with bodies and normal-sized heads.

In Central Asia, Kolchak tries to distract from how poorly the war is going by constructing the Templo Mayor.

58: Lima Alone

The Mapuche-Peru-Boliva War has nearly exhausted the two civs’ troops in the South. Though Lautaro can send a few soldiers here and there to harass Lima, nothing is likely to come of it.

In Europe, news begins to spread of a development that could shape the landscape of the continent forever: the Sicilians are joining the war against Germany, and Sweden is joining them.

59: Morenga Stumbles

In Africa, we get a decent look at part of the Nigerian core. Nigeria’s military isn’t amazing or anything, but it could certainly hold its own against most invasion forces.

We also see that I praised Jacob Morenga a bit too soon. Zaire finally takes hold of Rehoboth and marks it as the fourth city to burn in this episode. Hey, they have a torch in their icon, what did you expect?

60: Down in Middle Earth

I believe this is our first look at New Zealand for the season, and you can see why: there’s not much going on there yet. Judging by those ancient ruins, the Australian civs have yet to discover the islands, and the Pacific civs are just now getting there. These isles were once home to bold, powerful civs. Will someone utilize them and bring them greatness once more, or will they be doomed to irrelevance?

61: Namibiablaze

The razing of Rehoboth continues, and Mobutu Sese Seko has ordered his troops to surround the city, capturing any citizens who try to flee its demise. As this destruction plays out, Zairan settlers fan out across the land. The newly settled Kisangani already sits at four population, with another city soon to follow. With both this creation and destruction, Seko has sent a powerful message: the Congo is his.

62: The End of the World

Here’s a look at more important islands in the South, though for different reasons. These antarctic islands will undoubtedly become key strongholds, keeping civs alive for far longer than they have any right to. Who will be the first to settle a sinister ice base? Besides Babylon, of course.

Also, take a look at that panel in the upper left. That’s every civ in Africa but the Tuareg and Ptolemies, plus Hejaz at war with Namibia! Were this later in the game, this would be hailed as a grand coalition, but for now? It’s more of a hate club.

63: Reconquista Time

Something about a North African civilization owning the bottom part of the peninsula just doesn’t sit right with Carlos III, though he doesn’t know why. With his forces recovered since the war with the Welsh, he orders a full-scale invasion of southern Iberia, much to the dismay of the small Vandal garrisons.

To the East, Ferdinand I gives up his invasion of North Africa without gaining any cities. Taking on the Kaiser will take everything Two Sicilies can muster.

64: Rightful Owners of the Isles

Remember that scuffle over fishing rights in North America? Well here’s the large-scale consequences. The Welsh army and navy scramble up Great Britain towards the isolated Icelandic settlements, intent on banishing them from the Isles. Though the Welsh forces are just spread out enough to make the mission tough.

65: Orange Containing Orange

Ranjit Singh’s war against the Chola is going quite well. Thiruvarur has burned to the ground, and another city is almost within his grasp. But troubling news is that Singh has also declared war on Kurdistan. If Barzani keeps his troops focused on the war with Cleopatra, then Punjab is safe, but if he diverts them East, the squishy western flank could be in major trouble.

66: Pushed to the Sea

Genseric’s Alani Horseman put a solid dent in Toledo, but this war is clearly in Carlos III’s favor. At this point, Genseric’s best hope of holding onto Iberian soil is Carlos III bungling the invasion on the rough terrain by Cartenna, but even then, the size of the Spanish army may make tactics somewhat irrelevant. Genseric leaves the Jacob Moenga Hate Club, realizing he has better things to focus on.

67: Karimov to the Rescue

As we can see here, Kurdistan really wasn’t prepared to fight Punjab. Even worse, they weren’t ready to fight Uzbekistan, but Uzbekistan was ready to fight them. Elih looks guaranteed to flip, but the rest of the war depends on how quickly Mustafa Barzani can summon his troops. Either way Ranjit Singh owes Islam Karimov for this. The war will give time for the weaker cities on Punjab’s western border to grow and build defensive forces of their own.

“What’s up in Australia,” you ask? Clearly not too much, but at least William Barak built the Cheomseongdae.

68: Leaving Lima

After an endless war with no progress, Lautaro finally drills some tactics into his troops, giving them the edge they need to gather around Lima and bring it down to half health. Lima’s lacking in infrastructure, so it wouldn’t be a horrible loss for Peru-Bolivia, but it would make a great addition to the Mapuche core.

Over in Africa, Lesotho, perhaps the original member of the Jacob Morenga Hate Club, backs out, not even taking back its lost city.

69: Another Up in Smoke

Uraiyur falls down, but soon goes up in flames. That makes five that have fallen to fire. Keep in mind that this season uses a mod that prevents civs from razing when happy, so there must be quite a few objections to Ranjit Singh’s sudden warmonger streak if he’s had to burn two cities. Especially in this case, since Uraiyur would’ve made a great forward base for attacking the Chola core.

70: Tangled Webs of War

Spain made peace with Wales ages ago, so these must be Vandal ships under attack. This must have been brutal for them, learning of the war by coming under fire. The Welsh ships watch on in mild amusement as they wait to be deployed up North. And is that a Spanish settler I see? Perhaps Carlos III is taking a page out of Genseric’s book and settling southern Ireland.

The rest of Europe is quickly spiralling into a chaotic, continent-wide war. Vercingetorix sides with his former enemy, Wilhem II, to fight against the Two Sicilies.

71: Alpine Antics

The Alps keep the Two Sicilies safe from the bulk of the Gallic assault, only allowing a small stream of troops to pass into Teramo. Unfortunately for Ferdinand I, the same applies in reverse. His war with Germany has gone nowhere, as his troops have struggled to make it past the alps towards Berlin.

72: Liberation Confusion

With Spanish Town secured, Gran Colombian troops begin their journey towards- hey, Bolivar! That’s not the Mapuche? You’re not thinking of starting a war with the Marajoara now, are you? It’s not like those five warriors could do much, especially not in that jungle.

73: Halted on Honshu

Tanaka Kakuei’s comeback plan was a disaster. The assault of Uvelen failed miserably, and the settlers diverted their path to the mainland. Yokohama will almost certainly get picked off by the Manchu or, if their war goes poorly, the Yuan. The Northern Yuan’s war, while not quite as bad, hasn’t achieved much, so Mandukhai peaces out.

74: Day of Judgement

German troops surround Marienberg. Memel was captured and burned (that’s six!) in a move so effortless that we didn’t even see it. Hermann von Salza spends all of his time locked in his war room, pouring over maps, desperately trying to think of a plan, but so far nothing has worked. All he can do is muster his last troops,hope he can exhaust the Germans, and keep Marienburg.

Even as the conflict started it moves towards its end, the Great War gets more complicated, as Carlos III joins with his son and declares war against the Gauls.

75: Fresh Meat

The Perm-PARG War has gone on for so long with so little action that many Permians forgot it was even happening. In small farming towns it became a little fun fact. People would say “Hey, did you know we’re still technically at war with the people over the mountains?” But to the All-Russians, the war is still all too serious. So the moment a bunch of naive Permians plop a new city to the South of the Urals, a triumphant cheer rose among the troops. Finally, the victory Kolchak so desperately needed was at hand.

76: Marienberg on the Brink

Von Salza’s defense plan was a massive failure. With little effort, the Germans brought Marienberg halfway to collapse. Dejected, von Salza orders troops to retreat to Konigsberg. Perhaps if enough survived, he could pull off a successful final stand there. Unaware of the crisis at the core of the war, Llywelyn allies with his former foe, Spain, against the Gauls.

Half a world away, the Dene and Chinook end an uneventful war.

77: Limaflame

Sure, Lima could be a nice part of the Mapuche core, or it could serve as some catharsis for the troops, as well as the seventh city burned in this episode. Generations from now, archeologists will find records of scorched cities all over the cylinder, all from around the same period, and wonder if the world was hit by some sort of cataclysm. The only cataclysm I see here is poor governance. Come on guys, you’re deity AI! It’s not that hard to have a happy empire!

78: Hermoupolis Lives Another Day

We’ve seen peacekeeper units, but what about peacekeeper cities? Jerusalem plops Tripoli right along the key route Kurdistan was using to attack Hermoupolis. Cleopatra needed divine intervention to hold the city, and it looks like Baldwin III gave it to her.

79: Peaks and Waves

The Sicilian-Gallic front of the Great War heats up as Vercingetorix’s forces slip through another alpine pass and Sicilian triremes make for the city of Alesia.

I don’t know if I overestimated Carlos III or underestimated Genseric, but the amphibious assault of Toledo continues to be successful. Carlos better handle this quickly, because losing a city to horses on boats is pretty embarrassing.

80: Also Dvin is Here

As predicted, Uzbekistan takes Elih with little resistance. What remains to be seen is if that was all Islam Karimov wanted, or if he will keep pushing. Perhaps he’ll use that settler to bridge the gap.

Over in Europe, Wales and Iceland call an end to hostilities after Wales formally apologizes for violating Icelandic waters and offers a vast sum of fish as compensation. Eldjarn enthusiastically accepts, and the war ends with no cities trading hands.

81: Trampling the Bear

Georgian troops from the new city of Sukhumi try and intercept All-Russian horsemen to warn them about the strange goings-on in Dvin, but the horsemen ignore them, intent on finally winning a battle for Kolchak. As the residents of Berezniki hold on for dear life, their only hope is that Kolchak forgets to commit and reinforcements.

82: Forest of Regret

Despite Yuan troops barely stepping foot in Manchu territory, the core Manchurian cities are on the brink of collapse. That little bit of doubt sown at the start of the start of the war has spun out into a full-scale revolution. Nurhaci long since gave up on managing it, now convinced that the only way to fix his broken empire is to end the war, one way or another.

83: Kosovo’s Koalition

One war I’ve put off mentioning until now may actually be Kosovo’s first coalition war. Back in turn 77, Kosovo, Wales, and Hejaz all went to war with Jerusalem, but this is the first time we’ve gotten a good look at it. Despite starting the war, Ibrahim Rugova doesn’t appear particularly interested in it, which is a shame because his army looks big enough to take Aleppo.

84: No One Expects the Spanish Armada

Things are looking up a bit for Carlos III. The siege of Toledo seems to have calmed down a bit, and his ships are making good progress against Catina. I expected Spain to come out with a united Iberia, but a foothold in Africa would be a nice bonus.

85: The Order’s Last Stand

The residents of the Babylonian cybersub gather around as their informant delivers the news. A historic event has just occured on this iteration of the cylinder: the first capital has fallen, creating our first city-state. Also watching from a distance is Vladimir Lenin, who recently signed a peace deal with Hermann von Salza. He now stares at it angrily, wondering if he could’ve taken the Teutonic Order out for good if he hadn’t backed out so soon. Von Salza, meanwhile, makes a brave speech to the residents of Konigsberg - what may be his last.

86: New Kid on the Peninsula

“The way I see it, all that war’s bad for business,” the young manager had explained to Jan Coen. “There’s all sorts of luxuries up there, and they’re just tearing them up in their battles. But if we go up there and settle, we stand a chance of protecting the resources ourselves.”

“And the goods will flow?” asked Jan Coen.

The manager nodded. “And the goods will flow.”

And thus, Pontianak was born.

87: Elih Elives

In a last, desperate effort, a ragtag group of Kurdish soldiers manages to snatch the city of Elih from its Uzbek oppressors. Uzbekistan will undoubtedly get it back soon, but if the soldiers’ sacrifice was enough to save even one family from the cruel whims of Islam Karimov, then it was worth it.

To the South, despite the mounting conflicts between two armies that could easily pose a threat, Ranjit Singh settles Pind Dadan Khan, hoping the Kurdish-Uzbek war will give him time to fortify.

88: Have You Heard the Good News?

As Kakuei makes another attempt to take Uvelen by sea, some Japanese missionaries try another approach. Cautiously making their way into the burning Manchu cities, midway through revolt, they begin reaching out to the scared citizens barricaded in their homes. Each family is told of a kami that could help them in these troubling times. The missionaries can’t save the city, nor reverse Kakuei’s fortunes, but they can at least bring hope to the hearts and minds of the Manchu.

89: Colossal Failure

Another invasion that has gone horribly wrong is Rio Grande’s war against the Olmecs. Not only have they failed to make a dent in the Olmec defenses, but Monterrery has now come under (an admittedly small) attack. U Kix Chan decides this war is entertaining enough and calls off hostilities with Jamaica.

In South America, several of Bolivar’s forces get lost and mistakenly think they’re supposed to liberate Peru-Bolivia. Bolivar decides to roll with the punches and makes an official declaration of war.

90: Reverse Conquista

Two more wars that haven’t gone well: Spain’s wars against the Vandals and Gauls. Vercingetorix threatens to do what Llywelyn couldn’t: capture Santiago de Compostela.This development is so alarming that Carlos calls off his reconquista, gaining no cities from the whole thing.

91: Fire in the Foothills

The All-Russian forces get a bit too excited about capturing Berezniki and light the whole city on fire before they realize it would’ve been a great forward base for invading Great Perm. The horsemen wake up the next morning, hungover and stuck with the dread of having to explain to Kolchak what they had done. That’s eight cities burned, folks.

92: Pristine Mountains

Here’s a good look at Peru-Bolivia: two cities with a lot of territory and not a lot in that territory. Constant mountain warfare has ground Peru-Boliva’s army to a pulp and left little production to spare for workers. The mountains will keep them safe, but it seems Andres de Santa Cruz is not destined for greatness.

Over in Asia, Nurhaci finally brings an end to the war, and with it, he hopes the revolts will end too.

93: Heading Upriver

You may recall that the Mississippi and Dene are at war. It seems that after all this time, Tuskaloosa is ready to commit, if only a bit. This scene also draws attention to how open northern North America is. This land could go to anyone - the TAT, the Dene, the Mississippi, or even the Neutrals.

94: Fire Sale

Gaul takes the important city of Santiago de Compostela and... burns it? Vercingetorix, Carlos has another settler right there! At this rate, he’ll beat your own settler to the old tile! Questionable decisions aside, this is still a terrible day for Spain.

But it’s a better day for the Teutonic Order. Hermann von Salza’s final stand actually worked, and Konigsberg withheld long enough for Wilhem II to choose peace instead. The Teutonic order is still at the mercy of Germany and the Soviet Union, but this is all they can ask for at this point.

95: From One Be/urg to Another

Wilhem II instead turns his focus to the North, sending a few triremes up to harass Swedish cities.

Over in South America, Peru-Bolivia gains an unexpected new foe: Hawaii.

96: Elihminated

Elih is back in Uzbekistan’s hands. After that little stunt, Islam Karimov wants to teach Kurdistan a lesson, so he moves his troops closer to the Kurdish core. But Kurdistan is ready for them, and if Karimov expects another easy capture, he’ll be sorely disappointed.

97: The Sultan of Zanzibar

Here we get a good look at Zanzibar’s core. Though the army isn’t especially intimidating, their cities are big and prosperous. Together, these are more than enough to hold off the paltry Somalian troops struggling to get through the mountains.

We can also see Zaire slowly attempting to fill out the rest of the Congo, partially encircling Lesotho in the process.

98: Kolchak’s Reward

With his cities still on the brink of collapse, even after making peace with the Yuan, Nurhaci desperately seeks peace with All-Russia as well. Kolchak, high off of his recent victory in the war against Perm, and sensing Nurhaci’s desperation, manages to snag Girin in the process. Of course, he didn’t even want it. He burns it to the ground, savoring the feeling of taking it away from his old foe. The air is rich with ash as a tenth city begins to burn.

99: Undying Anger

Mobutu Sese Seko still proudly flies the banner of the Jacob Morenga Hate Club, even as his allies abandon him and the war grinds to a halt. Both sides have decently sized armies, but both armies are destined to die in a meatgrinder.

Over in North America, Antonio Canales Rosillo declares war against Lautaro, not because he thinks he’ll capture a city, but because he knows Bolivar could be a key ally down the line.

100: The Great War Grinds On

The battle for Alesia continues, and Ferdinand I’s navy has gained the upper hand. Even if the city would be hard to keep, merely flipping it could be a major blow to Vercingetorix.

The web of wars in South America grows more complicated as Zumbi declares war against Lautaro.

101: Introducing Japan... Two!

The residents of Osaka found the city of Kashiwazaki. The citizens of this new city have never been to Honshu, and Tokyo is but a legend to them. They would say they were Japanese if someone asked, but their loyalty is primarily to Osaka.

Hoping he can pull off a repeat of his success with the Manchu, Kolchak declares war on the Chukchi.

Down South, Hong Xiuquan finally calls off his ambiguously holy war against Laos.

102: The Endless Expanse

Having spotted a Spanish settler, the German trireme followed it farther and farther until it found itself alone in an unfamiliar part of the world. Whereas before you could always find land if you went far enough, this part of the sea seemed to stretch out forever. They dared not cross into the deep water, for fear they would never return.

103: Vandals in Recovery

Here we get a good look at a couple of fairly new Tuareg cities, Kidal and Ubari, and the western Vandal empire. The war with Spain drained most of the units from the region, but otherwise the Vandals got by with minimal damage. It helps that the Tuareg are in no position to invade. The Vandals also settle Cirta on what I believe is Cape Verde.

104: Intermission for the Beavers

Rio Grande settles Monclova farther East, giving us an excuse to finally see New Netherlands. Peter Stuyvesant hasn’t been especially active in this episode, but he has been happily (if slowly) expanding and growing each city to impressive sizes. I wouldn’t call New Netherlands irrelevant, but they’re hardly out of the running.

105: Yuan vs. Yuan

Mandukhai was watching the Yuan-Manchu War carefully, and she was quick to notice that none of the chaos was due to Yuan troops. Surely Kublain Khan must be an incompetent commander. This was enough evidence for her to launch a new war, one that would prove once and for all that Northern Yuan is Best Yuan. However, both civs look equally matched at the moment.

106: Thakhek Goes to Heck

Mansur Shah finally gets his hands on Thakhek in a peace deal and, well, you can guess what happens. The VOC employees stationed at Pontianak look on in horror as a great trading partner goes up in smoke. That’s number eleven, folks.

Vietnam ignores this destruction and founds a new city, with another on the way soon.

107: Oh right, this continent!

And now, Australia! What is usually a highly contested and closely watched continent has been quiet so far. The Kulin and Anangu have slowly worked to claim their halves of the continent and so far haven’t come to blows over it. To be honest, the most exciting part of this scene is the Hawaiian city of Hilo in Papua New Guinea, but even then, I don’t expect a crazy overseas empire from Lili'uokalani.

108: Over the Alps

After throwing Spain around, Vercingetorix gets a taste of his own medicine from Carlos’s son, Ferdinand. Alesia falls to the Two Sicilies. While the Gauls will likely take it back very soon, this could mark a turning point in the war.

Down in Africa, Zaire abandons the Jacob Morenga Hate Club, effectively marking the end of the coalition.

109: Four Bears is Just Too Many

After some time to recover and reposition from the war with the Dene, the Chinook decide to take aim at Thanadelthur’s old punching bag: the Three Affiliated Tribes. With the northern Rockies between them, both sides will struggle to send a meaningful force to battle.

110: Throwback to 98 Scenes Ago

We started this part with Vietnam and Laos at war, so as we near the end, let’s get back to that, shall we? Between the terrain and Laos’s defensive ring, Ho Chi Minh may not break through easily, but he could soften them up for later.

In perhaps bigger news, the Gauls and Two Sicilies make peace, with Alesia still in Ferdinand’s hands. This is a tremendous loss for Vercingetorix who lost a valuable coastal city and gave Ferdinand a staging ground on his side of the Alps.

111: Breaking La Paz

I gotta hand it to Lautaro, he’s beaten my expectations multiple times. I expected this war with Peru-Bolivia to be a total dud, but not only did he take out Lima, he’s now busting into the core. That Peru-Bolivian settler will buy him some time, but it seems like the beginning of the end for Andres de Santa Cruz.

112: Kiwis Rising

Ranjit Singh declares a war on a foe he can’t reach, and Mustafa Barzani gives up on Hermoupolis. But the focus of this final slide should really be on one settler. After a tense ride through the chaotic waves of the Pacific, the Tahitian settlers have arrived on a beautiful paradise - a land they dubbed Aotearoa.

I want to thank BC again for giving me the opportunity to narrate one of the season’s opening episodes. It’s been an absolute blast!

Episode 3: Burn, Baby, Burn! – S2

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