Episode 33: On The Eve of Cataclysm

1: A part of epic proportions!

Hello all and welcome to the thirty third installment of our beloved Civ Battle Royale X, Season Two! You’re all in for an action packed episode, with big winners, and even bigger losers! With such an eventful episode, we’ve split up the narration between 3 members of the community. ItsTruckMonth will be narrating the first third of the episode, Msurdej will cover the middle portion of the episode, and yours truly, Vihreaa, will be narrating the final third! Strap in and prepare yourselves, for this is the final episode before we kick the game into total war!

2: How to fight Naval Wars Good

Resident statistics genius Random Strategy posted a rather entertaining but helpful infographic for how many Jongs are required to take out each of the different naval units in the game. As the technology gets better, Malacca is gonna need quite a lot of Jongs to attain victory.

3: Malacca in the Middle, the end

u/Orangechrisy posts what might be the final Malacca in the Middle, a short comic released for each release that has become a mainstay on the sub, providing a comedic comic about the adventures of Malacca.

4: Malacca on the Bottom

Our PR Slide for this episode shows Malacca, who despite being a strong contender to win for a large portion of the game, fall short and end their game in 13th place. An underdog power, Malacca was able to make use of the Jongs to wrest control of the oceans, creating a vast empire. Unfortunately, they were unable to recapture this strength quite as much in cycle 2, and finally were felled.

5: Leeeeeeet’s Get Ready to Ruuuuumbleeeee!

Good Afternoon (or Morning, or Evening wherever you are), fellas. I, ItsTruckMonth, will be narrating this first section of what could be an explosive as hell episode!

We start off with the Marajoara assault on everyone’s favorite Mediterranean pirates, with P’kuee making landfall on the Iberian peninsula. Every Vandal city surrounding it is deep in the black. Things are not looking good for Genseric.

6: Vaga-Bound Vagabonds.

Moving over East, we have a shot of the war between Lesotho and Punjab. No gains have been made, though Wazirabad has fallen to the red. Punjabi battleships take to the Red Sea, utilizing Moshoeshoe’s bizarre hatred of water to their advantage.

A lone German cavalry unit, long removed from a place once called home, watches the brutality unfold.

7: Red Sea 2: Proletariat Boogaloo

We get a look at prime estate for new gula- I mean former German territories, now under firm Soviet rule. The freezing temperatures should help temper the new forces stationed in Greenland.

08: Not PARGchamp

Punjab takes Namangan, and with little chance that PARG can retake it, it’ll make for a great forward base for pushing into the flat PARG interior. Already, Omsk is in the yellow and melee units push towards Shangdu.

PARG should act quickly and strengthen the front line before Punjab brings the hammer down.

09: Oof-a

….or you can rump yourself. That works too I guess?

PARG and Punjab make peace, with Kolchak giving up Ufa, Shangdu and Zalantun to save his capital. Welcome to the Rump Saloon bud, we even saved you some fine Vodka for the rough road ahead.

10: AA Guns, Now with Floaties!

Oh yeah, Kulin are at war with Punjab too, but it’d be hard to determine based on this screenshot huh?

The former Malaccan capital takes a bit of damage, but still maintains a solid orange hue above its skyline. A foolish Kulin AA gun tries to cross the Strait of Malacca, almost certainly doomed to be pummeled by the awaiting Battleship.

I can’t bear to watch (oh who am I kidding of course I’ll watch)

11: A Tale of Two Powers

We get a shot of Marajoara’s North American core, which is still fairly covered despite their war with the Vandals. On the contrary, Chukchi’s land core is barren, with the vast majority of their military strength based on the dreadful Ice Sheet Fleet.

Either way, North America will be an absolute bloodbath come Total War.

12: Big Rivers, Bigger Bombs

We get a shot of Moshoeshoe’s army in the Lesotho homeland, fielding a good amount of paratroopers. It also looks like he’s starting to get over his fear of water, with some advanced naval units to the West. Good job, Moshoeshoe.

Meanwhile, the Big River develops the Big Bomba.

13: Did you expect this Inquisition?

Marajoara pushes further into Vandal lands, taking Bremen, Tricamarium, and Cartenna, putting the capital of the Vandals on the front lines. For a Spanish Inquisition, this one was pretty darn predictable.

Up north, Gregovia is down in the black, after military landings on what the Marajoaran government is calling “V-Day.”

14: Slow and Steady wins the War

A turn later, the Vandals have developed a counter force to help retake Bremen. Meanwhile, Panormus is now down to the red, and the Marajoara navy passes the Strait of Gibraltar.

So far no flips, unless….?

15: Gre-Gone (Wait I’ve made this joke already)

Marajoara takes not just Gregovia, but also Alesia, while also putting airborne forces in Ireland. The former capital of the Gauls is heavily fortified, so it’ll take a little more than the usual paratrooper to take that city.

16: The Ghost of Subs-mas Past

While in his war room, bottle of wine in hand, Genseric gets a visit from a once great leader: Islam Karimov. Or at least, his spirit.

Genseric asks Karimov, a man whose military stretched across the edges of the cylinder, for wisdom in a time of great crisis. Karimov only responds with “Build more.” Genseric asks about the economic repercussions, and that the soldiers would revolt if not paid! Karimov retorts, “Ok, and?”

Genseric returns to his bottle of wine.

17: Full o’ Flotsam

The war between Punjab and Lesotho begins to see some progress, as Vaga falls to the green ride. The Punjabi battleship fleet has been decimated, and the remnants fall back to the Persian Gulf.

Otherwise, all is quiet for the most part.

18: RED SUN OVER PARADISE

Things go from bad to worse for the Vandals, as the red menace from above descends on the Mediterranean. Already Cologne is in the red and Peje is in the yellow. The Vandal capital also begins to take heavy damage.

19: Vandals roll worst defense, asked to leave the British Isles

Strassburg falls to the Marajoara, and offscreen Vienna falls to the Soviets, truly putting an end to Genseric’s colonial ambitions. The defense around Bibracte has also completely evaporated, leaving it vulnerable to either Marajoara or USSR attacks.

20: Why do Bad Tactics happen to Good Empires?

The push continues, as Lilybaeum and Panormus fall to Marajoara, and Cologne falls to the Soviets. Aleria and Leptus Magna also begin to take heavy damage, as Genseric decides to say screw it and send his forces towards the Levant, hoping to make a final stand there.

Seems like all hope of preserving the capital is lost.

21: Wazari-bad Support

Lesotho takes Wazaribad, gaining full control over the Arabian peninsula from Punjab. That said, the latter still has a considerable force here, so expect a couple of flips on this front.

To the northwest, Peje is still in Vandal hands.

22: A little optimism doesn’t hurt, right?

The Vandals manage to retake Panormus, so clearly a Vandal counteroffensive is in the works and the Vandals shall rise again!

(Please ignore Bulla Regia and Aleria falling, Bibracte in the yellow, Hippo Regius in the red and the large Mara force in the Mediterranean for optimal optimism)

23: No Capitals?

And the capital falls.

Well I should say capitalS, as both Hippo Regius and Bibracte have both fallen to Marajoara. How far Genseric has fallen, tis sad to see.

24: “This war was Bulla Shit-ia” - Genseric, probably

Panormus falls again to the Marajoara, trapping Genseric into a deadly coffin of 7 cities. Genseric is gonna have to make a good peace deal fast, but as it stands Imma just start writing that eulogy about now.

25: I FEEL NEW LIFE COULD BE BORN BENEATH THE BLOOD STAINED SAAAAND

Ranjit manages to retake Wazaribad, though there probably won’t be much of a greater counteroffensive: Punjab’s navy is practically gone and their military presence on the Arabian peninsula is barren.

Lesotho planes start dealing damage to Andijan and Gajranwala, yet no melee units are around to take them.

26: From Sheet to Shining Sheet

We get a shot of the impressive Ice Sheet Fleet. Though not the most advanced, its sheer scale alone is enough to send chills down your spine (get it? Chills? Ice? I’m somewhat of a comedic genius myself).

Legend states if you listen closely on one of these ships, you can hear the faint weeping of a once great naval leader, whose navy also blanketed the seas.

27: A Predicament of the Prehistoric Variety

Marajoara builds Jurassic Park, which provides a small amount of science, gold and happiness, and a free zoo in the city it was built in. However, it can also spawn dinos until Designer Lifeforms is researched. Call that a Dino Crisis haha (please if anyone at Capcom is reading this bring it back I beg you).

In bigger news, it seems the Vandals have decided to make peace with Marajoara. Everyone’s favorite vandalizers live to see another da-

28: The Worst Trade Deal in the History of Trade Deals, Maybe Ever.

Uhhhhhhhhhh, Genseric? You good? Did you have too much to drink there buddy? The purpose of a peace treaty in these issues is to save your empire, NOT THROW IT TO THE WOLVES YOU BUCCANEERS WANNABE.

Yep! The Vandals have just given up every single one of their remaining cities to Mara. Well, every city except Peje, which the USSR has taken. There are a good amount of Vandal troops remaining that can take it, so I’ll hold off on the eulogy for a bit (hopefully we won’t have to actually write it hahaha…)

29: Simply a Difference in Expertise

No big moves in the Lesotho-Punjab front, though Lesotho battleships have moved towards India and started damaging Pazhaiyarai. A couple Kulin destroyers have moved up and could take Terangganu however.

Meanwhile, the Soviets denounce the Marajoara for their imperialist ways (translator's note: sniping territory, AKA skill issue). A war between giants could be on the horizon!

30: When their Bones in the Ocean Forever Will Be…

The Soviets make peace with the Vandals, and as you can see at the bottom, Peje remains in red hands. The Vandals have officially been eliminated at 11th place (*cries*)

The Vandals are probably X2’s Merriam-Webster dictionary definition of an underdog. They were the 3rd worst civ per the Episode 0 rankings, even worse than the Tuareg (remember them, neither did I MOVING ON). They did pretty decently for the first bit of the game, until they started trademaxxing, with the Vandals glitching out and receiving stupid amounts of traders. Fueled by certified drip, they became X2’s Buccaneers, settling the Caribbean and even rumping (and eventually killing) the New Netherlands. From then they would stagnate for a bit, and even lose some territory from Total War, but would still move into Cycle 2 with a good hand. They started C2 with a gamble: using their unique unit to settle undefended cities and establish a solid mediterranean core. This gambit paid off, with them trapping Nigeria and even rumping the former science giant, becoming a frontrunner yet again to win. Though it wouldn’t last, as Marajoara’s snowballing led to the Vandal’s demise.

Genseric, you may have blundered at the very end, but you come out as one of the great unexpected rulers, a true legend. Keep that chin up king, your crown is slipping.

31: P’kuee did Nothing Wrong

We get a shot of the packed Marajoara core, a fine lineup for any major world power.

Also, Genseric denounces the Marajoara, though honestly it’s anyone’s guess as to why.

32: “Hey Barak. Bitch.”

The Kulin begin their assault on Punjab, taking Terangganu with a mix of naval and melee units.

All that, and yet the city of Malacca still eludes them, almost as if it was a final “screw you, Barak” from their once great rival.

33: Wrong Cycle

P’kuee builds the Tokyo Skytree, which provides happiness and culture per Broadcast Tower. Not the most important tool when it comes to slaying other empires and destroying cultures but hey at least the views are nice.

The local citizens are still confused as to why it’s referred to as Tokyo. There’s no Tokyo in Marajoara, it's all in your head.

34: Remember, no Russian

The Chukchi decide to put a depressing PARG out of their misery and declare war on the former power. Chukchi’s land forces here don’t seem all that impressive, but the production could change that real quick.

Any guesses as to how many bottles of Vodka Kolchak’s gone through at this point?

35: My Emotional Support Caravel

The Kulin expeditionary force reached the former Chola capital, and could easily take the city. Just ignore the caravel, he’s here for emotional support.

Over to the west, Lesotho flips Wazaribad again, but this time they look to keep it.

36: A Pirate’s Life for Me!

The remnants of the once great Vandal empire now lie amongst their navy, taking refuge in the Red Sea, granted amnesty by Moshoeshoe himself.

Looking back, Genseric finds new happiness in this new, seabound life: they’ve found themselves living on nothing but ships, bound by the sea, with no territory to their name. In the end, the Vandals have become true pirates.

37: Chita Chita Bang Bang

The Chukchi take Chita, as their military presence in the area has rapidly grown. The PARG core is still densely packed, so Chukchi will have to put in the effort to make off with a decent amount of territory.

38: The Little Caravel that Could

The Kulin take not only Cholapuram, but also Pazhayarai, though a large Punjabi land force could induce a couple flips.

Biggest news is that the Kulin caravel is not only still alive, but untouched. Go little Caravel friend!

39: Re Gain-ranwala

Punjab manages to retake Cholapuram, but loses Gajranwala to Lesotho in the process, with Andijan now in the red. Punjabi forces are now starting to wear thin in the north. How long can they keep the defense up?

40: Giving the Cold Shoulder(Bash)

The Chukchi secure Chita, and send a heavy force into PARG’s lands. Saratov and Kazan are now in the black, and the once dense PARG carpet is starting to thin.

Kolchak’s in for a long winter (well, it’ll more likely be pretty short, huh?)

41: Sara-Taken

Come next turn, Saratov and Kazan fall, splitting Omsk away from the arctic territories.

With the majority of his forces up north, Kolchak seems to have learned from Genseric, and may abandon his capital entirely. Hopefully he doesn’t give his empire away while he’s at it.

42: Flip-Flops have become the new norm here. This reflects the current status of India.

Gajranwala falls back to Punjab, but they lose Andijan to Lesotho and Cholapuram (again) to the Kulin. The Punjabi forces are stretching ever thinner, though a lack of coastal cities could help Punjab stall the war.

43: In Memoriam

We get a shot of the Kulin fortress of Australia and its carpeted glory, though they still have frigates?

Seems Barak has some fond memories of their rivalry with Mansur, and have opted out of advancing some ships in order to retain some memory of those times.

44: Snipin’s a good job, mate

Gajranwala falls yet again, this time a Kulin snipe. Meanwhile Andijan is secured by Lesotho forces, who proceed to bring Samarkand down to the yellow.

Punjab’s forces here are just scattered, and with little hope to retake his losses, his best bet should be to make peace.

45: Drink-away-the-painmaxxing

Chukchi advances, bringing Arkhangel’sk to the yellow and the capital of Omsk into the black.

An officer walks into Kolchak’s quarters, only to see a statue of himself made out of shot-glasses. The officer questions Kolchak’s priorities and how he isn’t planning on counter-attacking the invaders.

Kolchak laughs and replies, “With an idea like that, you might as well be the drunk one in this room.”

46: It all Comes Tumbling Down, Tumbling Down, Tumbling Doooooown…

Arkhangel’sk falls, leaving PARG with a capital and one other city.

With the news, Kolchak smashes his work, and begins sobbing. PARG was once the king of the world, the conductor of the PR #1 train, and most important of all, PARGChamp. Now the empire stands on the verge of annihilation.

47: Seize the Means of Destruction

We take a break from the depressing collapse of PARG to check out the Soviets’ core. Overall nothing to write home about, though there is a suspiciously dense lineup of troops on the Eastern borders….

48: I Didn’t Hear No Bell.

The Punjabi industrial complex goes into overdrive, as a massive amount of special forces descend onto now Lesotho-controlled Gajranwala, with them also taking back Andijan and Pazhaiyarai. Is this the Punjabi comeback we’ve been waiting for?

49: When Hell Freezes Over.

The capital falls, leaving PARG to their final city in Novonikolayevsk (god try saying that once, let alone 5 times fast). Kolchak can only hope that Chukchi’s lack of naval units can help him survive.

But in this city, you’d probably rather want to be dead.

50: Permanent Hibernation

This is it.

Kolchak is at his last city, in the yellow, with the sea's only bearing so much protection. I think we should start priming those F keys fellas. Kolchak goes for one last shot of vodka, make it count you glorious bastard.

Meanwhile, Barak declares on Thanadelthur for no apparent reason.

51: Cryo-Bullying

Just as Kolchak was ready to accept death, and probably just as you were about to press that F key, the Chukchi came to bring peace. Kolchak is left to his one tile island, bound by ice and borders. With a fate such as this, it would’ve been more merciful just to kill Kolchak at this point. Forget Cyber Bullying, Cryo-Bullying’s the new thing in Chukchi now.

Here, Kolchak, a fresh shipment of vodka, it’ll be over soon enough.

And with that, I’ll leave this to our next narrator. It’s been real, fellas, and it’s been an honor to have narrated throughout this season! Peace!

52: A New Challenger Approaches!

Hello everyone! Msurdej here, picking the second portion of this crazy episode. Kulin and Punjab continue to trade cities in the Indian subcontinent, Cholapuram and Gajanwala trading holders. I can expect flipping to continue here for several more turns, as the Punjab still has many forces, and the Kulin keep bringing their forces in.

53: Flip Flap

More flipping as Punjab retakes Gajranwala, but loses Nukus to Lesotho. Also, gotta just point out that Nukus is probably one of the worst names possible for a city, alongside “Invadehere”, “Blowusup” and “Dennis”

54: Core Shot

Speaking of Lesotho, here’s a look at their core. Moshoeshoe did a great job in becoming a dark horse winner of Africa, beating out Nigeria, The Vandals, and Zaire. But will they be able to win it all? If they want to, they’ll have to work on this sparse core.

55: Winter is Coming

It seemed Like Punjab was starting to stabilize the coast, at least the parts not being harassed by Lesotho. But the Chukchi sense weakness, and throw their lot in against Ranjit Singh. With a massive army and whole new area of fronts to invade, the Chukchi look poised to absorb much of eastern Punjab.

56: See what I mean?

Already Chukchi forces have brought Xilnhot to red, and Namangan to the yellow. Troops roll in around Shangdu and Zalantun, but there is one key flaw in Lawtiliwadlin’s strategy. The Chukchi army has few melee troops, many of which are stationed in the south. The northern cities of Punjab may not fall to the icy menace right away.

57: Stacked Cores

Meanwhile, the stacked core of Marajoara remains stacked. The big question will be how P’kuee manages to use these Paratroopers in Total, and if they can reach XCOMs before that time.

58: The Walls Close In...

Punjab continues to lose ground and city health. While Samarkand is the latest to fall, it will almost certainly flip several times with the troops in the vicinity. But one must wonder how many troops can Punjab afford to throw at this when the Chukchi are marching forward.

59: And in...

And march forward they have. Xilnhot has already flipped once, and three other cities are in the red. But the lack of melee units by Chukchi in the north means they may not make gains for a while.

60: Rump fight!

Dene and Rio Grande are throwing what they can at each other, in the shadows of greater empires. Once they ruled vast amounts of the continent. Now, they are but small embers compared to Chukchi and Marajoara.

61: Good news, bad news

Good new Punjab, you’ve managed to flip two cities back to your control. The Bad news is they’ll probably lose them again, the Chukchi have a firm grasp on Xilnhot, and the Kulin are STILL harassing the coastline.

62: Worse news

Ooh, did I say Xilnhot, I meant Xilnhot AND Shangdu. Now the Chukchi army can mop up Zalantun, defeat the meager resistance around Ufa, and move south into Namangan.

63: It just keeps piling on

Punjab recaptures one city, only to have two more fall. One must wonder how much longer Ranjot can hold this up, as both Lesotho and Chukchi so no signs of stopping.

64: Cold Center

The biggest change here is that Omsk, the former PARG capital, has been annexed. Now the Chukchi have much greater control over the area, allowing them to build more units closer to the front. ANd they’ll need it, with their shortage of melee units.

65: Additional Annex

Kazan is also annexed , and melee units have gotten into range of Namagan. Ufa still holds out for now, but it’s only a matter of time (and melee units) until it falls like Zalantun

66: Bye bye city

The biggest news here is that Pazhaiyarai has been completely wiped off the map, giving a hole in the battle lines. In the west, Nukus and Kasur fall to Lesotho, and this time, it seems like Punjab will be unable to flip them back.

67: Unified North

Ufa has fallen, giving Chukchi complete control over the former Punjabi north. Namangan has been captured at the moment as well, though Punjab *might* be able to retake it. But he probably won't hold it, not with melee troops being produced out of Omsk.

68: Multan Misery

The governor of Multan looks out over the airfield of the city. Everyone of his planes are damaged, and the few atom bombs are still kept as a deterrent. The fighting grows ever closer, with Jalandhar nearly captured despite all the fortifications.

A rider comes up to him, holding a letter from Lahore. The governor reads it, then re-reads it.“Ranjit can’t be serious?!” He says, looking at the paper. But the runner merely nods. With a sigh, the governor assembles the leaders of the city to break the news to them...

69: Peace in our Time

Punjab and Chukchi make peace, and a humiliating peace it is for Punjab. All but two cities have been signed away to the Chukchi. Worse still, Lesotho and the Kulin continue to assail Punjab. If they can’t end those wars soon, it’s likely they’ll be eliminated in no time at all.

70: To the Victor...

Here we can see the new lands of Chukchi, freshly taken from Punjab. The Chuckchi now have a sizable land mass, and can make greater moves against the USSR. Where they go from here though, is anybody’s guess.

71: Trouble brewing...

After eviscerating the Punjabi, Chukchi direct their ire towards the Dene, probably for continuing to fight Rio Grande. Considering how thoroughly Thanadelthur got thrashed last time they fought, it wouldn’t be wise to anger Chukchi.

72: This is the end...

Amritsar has fallen to the Kulin, who cull some of the population in a blaze of fire. Lahore is the final city of the Punjab, where the last of its army makes a desperate stand for relevancy. Lesotho meanwhile...

73: My only friend...

Goes in for...

74: The end

The Kill

Punjab is eliminated, getting 10th place. Throughout the CBR, Punjab had a great showing, with their lowest placement being 13 (In episode 2). Since then, they’ve been routinely in the top 10, even scoring the top spot early on. But they were never able to break out fully from their starting location. Whether it was the Uzbeks or Malacca or Chola, Ranjit would find his efforts blunted and repelled. When Cycle 2 started however, Punjab made money plays, eliminating Chola quickly and gaining dominance over the subcontinent. But once again, it wasn’t enough to stop other civs from rolling over them. But take heart Punjab, you played well, and ended exactly where the Power Rankers predicted.In the Top 10.F

75: And then there were 9

We take a halfway break in this episode to show you just who is left, and how many cities they have. At the top are The Chukchi and The Marajoara, with a noticeable gap between them and the third place USSR. Then Lesotho and Kulin, followed by the pile the scattered Rio Grande, the tiny Dene, and the city states of PARG and the Gauls.

76: A Glorious View

While visiting the city of Breslau, Vladimir Lenin looks out over the city. The USSR had control over most of Europe, from Cologne, to Tur-Lenin pulls out a telescope, looking out across Scandanavia.“Something troubling you sir?” an ensign asks.“There’s someone out there flying an enemy flag in our country, look.” The ensign takes the telescope, and looks out into Scandanavia.“Oh, that’s Turku. The Gauls have been living there since-”“I want them gone.”

77: Gone

And just like that, the USSR declares war against the Gauls, storm Turku, kill Vercingetorix, and eliminate the Gauls in 9th place.Vercingetorix was an odd player. Controlling parts of England, Iberia and most of France, the Gauls were always a regional power in Europe.They had bested Spain, Wales, and held off Germany, Two Sicilies, and even the Vandals in Cycle Two. But they never seemed to want to conquer Europe, Content to stay in France. Perhaps their greatest move was the elimination of Finland, killing them in the enclave of Turku. But it would be in Turku that the Gauls find their defeat. Press F for the Gauls.

78: We are Africa

Marajoara and Lesotho now the only civs on the African continent. Lesotho owns much of the continent, but P’kuee only has a fraction of her power here. She can always provide more forces from the home base.

79: Land Down Under

Down in Australia, the homebase of the Kulin has a few tourists in the form of Marajoara. While P’kuee has a few bases off the coast, it's hard to say whether they’ll be useful in an invasion of Australia, or cannon fodder for the Kulin.

80: Holy Diver

A Punjabi Missionary stands on the relic site of his former empire. He preaches about the evils of war, and how peace must be made. But their words fall on deaf ears, the people on Tashkent working in mines to fuel the Chukchi war machine.

81: Land of the Titans

In North America, the top two powers of the cylinder share a border. But between them, a few city states struggle to stay alive. Rio Grande’s capital, the former Neutral capital, has citadels all over it’s land. It’s a smaller city than the northern Dalu Tue, but both are small enough to be little more than speed bumps to their titanic neighbors.

82: The Ghost of Mannerheim

Out for a nightly walk on the piers of Novonikolayevsk, Kolchak sees a shimmering form approaching him. Was it a plot from the Chukchi? The USSR? No, it was a ghost, who traveled towards the PARG leader, until they saw the face of the dead Mannerheim.“Screw You Kolchak.”

83: Hatsune P’kuee

In the heart of the Marajoaran empire, the people are introduced to a new wonder: the Virtual Idol. Set to take the world by storm, Hatsune P’kuee charms the hearts of millions with songs like “One Thousand Brazilwood Trees”, “Melody in the Sub” and “Sand Cylinder”.

84: Boo to you!

But there’s one country that doesn’t seem to like the new Virtual Idol. Uzbekistan sends Marajoara a letter, denouncing them and saying that Hatsune was totally their idea. Marajoara responds thusly:“Dear Karimov,If you want, we can talk in one of your cities regarding OH WAIT, that’s right, you don’t have cities.”

85: The Future is now

Lesotho enters the Future Era, bringing them one step closer to completing the Tech tree. But Moshoeshoe will also have to be careful and build up his carpet again, lest his land be filled by Kulin/Marajoara troops.

86: Chukchi carpet

The Chukchi are in a Golden Age, and have a massive carpet spanning the Northern Pacific. A few holes sure, but not enough to stop Lawtiliwadlin from sending a massive fleet to anyone that tries to stop the Chukchi.

87: Tech race

Lesotho isn’t the only one to reach new heights of technology.The Kulin join them, and have a sizable carpet of paratroopers and drones. What they do with them though, is anyone’s guess.

88: Uh oh...

Well this is certainly a turn of events. The Chukchi just denounced Marajoara. This could set a spark for what could be the biggest war on the cylinder. But whether or not we have to wait until Total War to see this fight remains up in the air. What could have caused such a thing to happen

89: That might do it.

Well, here’s a possibility. P’kuee just finished the Kalt Geymsla Data Haven, a Future Worlds era that can only be built near tundras. Giving +2 Science and +2 Culture from Tundra and Snow tiles worked by city, +2 Gold from each Server Hub in the empire, and +2 Great Scientist Points, it would have been a massive boost for the Arctic based Chukchi. For Marajoara to steal it out from them was a great play, one that would piss off any human player in the same situation.

90: Southern shots

Here we can see the majority of Marajoara’s tundra tiles. You’ll notice it isn’t much, but the completion of the Data Haven was probably as much about denying the Chukchi the ability to have it as it was about owning it themselves.

91: For comparison..

Meanwhile, the lands that the Chukchi have taken from both the Northern Yuan, PARG, and even Kosovo have a lot of Tundra spaces. If Lawtiliwadlin had managed to make the Data Haven, it could significantly bolster their tech output. One other thing to note is just how many of these conquered cities have been annexed, giving the Chukchi control over arms production in Siberia.

92: Atlantic Push

Seething with rage, the Chukchi decide to take it out on the USSR. Unlike their fight with Punjab though, Chukchi has brought multiple units capable of taking cities. Lenin is going to have to watch his back if he wants to stay alive.

93: Units for days

While Lenin might be scrambling for units, Lawtiliwadlin has no shortage of rocket artillery to fire at the walls of cities like Kharkov and Samara. While most of them probably won’t be moved towards the front of the fighting, it’s still impressive to see.

94: Pass the Popcorn

Meanwhile in Africa, Lesotho and Marajoara are watching the waves roll in when a messenger arrives with the news.Lesotho: “What is it?” Marajoara: “It seems that Lenin is under attack by the Chukchi.”

L: “...You thinking what I’m thinking?...”

95: DOGPILE!!!

Seeing a golden opportunity, the two titan of Africa throw their hats into the ring against the USSR. While Marajoara seems to be putting in most of the legwork, they also have the most to gain, already gobbling up Aleria. But don’t count Lesotho out, as they manage to pick up Peje.

96: Nowhere is safe

Hamburg has fallen to the invaders, and Marajoaran fliers line the coast of the USSR with bombs. A Soviet Great Merchant, trapped outside Alesia when the fighting started, is held hostage as her goods are taken by the enemy.

97: Not even here

Even Greenland is under attack, with Kattowitz brought down to zero health. These cities may not seem like much, but with the Data Haven making snow and tundra tiles more valuable, it could give P’kuee a further boost to her empire/

98: She Shoots Sea Shots by the Sea Shore

In the east, Lesotho troops are few and far between, but that’s just fine with Lenin. The Chukchi are a greater threat, having the larger army AND having taken Samara.The borders are heavily damaged, and show no signs of calming down any time soon.

99: Mr. Lenin, tear down these walls!

Lenin may have retaken Hamburg for the moment, but Marajoara seems poised to take it back at any moment. Danzig has already fallen to P’kuee, and she seems ready to grab even more land from the Soviets. But for now, I’ll have the last narrator of the episode take over and show you how it ends.

100: De

Hey all! Vihreaa here, power ranker and has made some maps! (I hope to backfill the missed maps at some point in the future, I promise) I’ll be taking over the narration of the rest of the episode, so sit back, strap in, and get ready for a WILD ride!

While the USSR is in for the fight of its life, we see the Chukchi / Marajoara border. From what we can see on the map, Marajoara seems to have a army composition of mostly rocket artillery and drones. The Chukchi have most rocket artillery, with some Mobile SAMs as well. It looks to me like the two armies would be similarly matched on land, but the Chukchi hold strong dominance in the Pacific Ocean in terms of naval strength.

101: Blitzkrieg

In just a single turn, Marajoara sweeps through central Europe, capturing several formerly German cities. With the USSR having little to no standing military in the region, Marajoara could easily march all the way to the Ural mountains at this rate.

102: Race to Moscow

The Chukchi are licking their chops as well, though, as their forces amass on the Soviet border. Unfortunately for them, though, it looks as if Lenin chose that he would rather defend himself against the Chukchi over Marajoara, as it would seem that he amassed just about his entire military around Kharkov, to hope to stop a Chukchi onslaught. We’ll have to see if it pays off.

103: Greenland: Now Red, soon to be (Apricot?)

Marajoara’s offensive into Greenland faces little pushback, with only a few units occupying the recently annexed frozen island. Marajoara maintains naval superiority in the region, with a small fleet maintaining control over the coast of Greenland.

104: The Defense of Kharkov

Marajoara’s army continues marching unopposed towards Moscow, as Lenin amasses his entire army around Kharkov, as a sort of middle finger to the Chukchi. They somehow manage to capture Samara, but it will certainly flip back to Chukchi control in the next turn. Marajoara units flood from the south as well as they travel through Lesotho borders.

105: A Conquered Europe

Europe already has more Marajoara units than it ever had Soviet units, and Marajoara looks set up to completely annex the Soviet Union. With no military to speak of themselves, the USSR’s only hope is to try to peace out with all of those they are at war with before they are completely annexed. (I hear Turku is nice this time of year!)

106: Raising an army a little too late

The Soviet Union started to mass produce Organic Infantry, a future worlds unit that if supported by a larger army could help a Soviet defense. Unfortunately, Lenin only decided to do this after half of his empire was conquered. The gears of war are already in motion, and for those who seek to win this royale, they are rather difficult to stop.

107: Hold the line?

Lenin sends his organic infantry to the defense of Nizhniy Novgorod, which is on zero health points, but the Soviet Union is finally scrambling to assemble a defensive perimeter against the Marajoara assault. Many Marajoara units are embarked across the Baltic sea, which may be the Soviets chance to shore they defenses in Northern Europe.

108: Greenland: under new management, again!

The Marajoara horde advances upon Greenland, almost carpeting the entire island. With all cities on zero health point, the island will fall momentarily. That is, if Marajoara had any melee units on the island. Of the unit composition of those units that are in Greenland, all of them are ranged. Perhaps Greenland will remain red for a short while longer.

109: Ok, well, in my defense

In my defense… this screenshot was taken 4 turns later. In these four turns, Marajoara has managed to capture most of Greenland, but hasn’t made any more progress in Europe. In irrelevant news, Kulin declares war on Rio Grande, two civs with no border to speak of.

110: Only a matter of time

While the USSR has managed to recapture Petrograd, their entire military was wiped out in order to do it, and in defending against the Marajoara. With Lenin having no defense to speak of, and P’kuee having a huge invading force, they will capture cities as quickly as they can move through Soviet territory.

111: Kharkov’s final hour

The Chukchi have encircled Kharkov, reducing it’s defenses to nothing, and are poised to take it next turn. Marajoara also retakes Petrograd and captures Tsaritsyn, with units approaching Moscow.

112: Race to Moscow

Chukchi and Marajoara forces sprint for Moscow, with both empires having a shot of capturing the capital of what was once one of the most powerful empires on the planet. Lenin looks frantically for his options of retreat. Desperately looking through his cities in which he could establish a provisional capital, one specific city captures his eyes. He commands a general to annex the city, and prepare for his arrival.

113: A frozen getaway vacation

A Kulin destroyer, coincidentally at the front line of the war between the USSR and Marajoara, take a pit stop at the formerly German city of Dusseldorf. In a strange turn of events, the Soviet civilian population believed them to be conquerors, and surrendered. Kulin now controls one of the northernmost cities in the game, several thousands of miles away from their actual empire.

114: Scandinavian Offensive

Marajoara looks poised to capture multiple Soviet cities in Scandinavia, as Moscow holds for yet another slide. Both Chukchi and Marajoara troops sit outside Moscow, waiting to pounce.

115: Encircle and Strike

Marajoara captures Mikkeli, and has melee troops positioned outside of Moscow. Chukchi troops start to pour past the Urals. PARG is still alive too.

116: Peace… but at what cost?

The Chukchi make a tactical decision to peace out with the USSR, acquiring several cities in the process. Obtaining about as many cities as they could hope to through a war, the Chukchi were able to acquire a solid amount of cities from their war. The Marajoara are the ones to reach Moscow, and will likely conquer the rest of the Soviet Union in the following turns.

117: Remnants of a great Empire

Relegated to Scandinavia, the once great and sprawling empire of the USSR is now just a husk of its former self. Lenin establishes a provisional capital in Helsinki, a capital of the former empire of Finland that he himself conquered in what feels like the distant, distant past now. As Vladimir looks out on the burning fortresses in the distant, the sound of explosions littering the landscape, he thinks about if all of the other immortal leaders that he conquered himself had this revelation, that in order for their to be winners in war, there must also be losers. And those losers must pay the ultimate price.

118: Cleanup.

Marajoara marches with no difficulty to the ends of the Earth to finish off Lenin. Most Soviet troops have laid down their arms, realizing the hopelessness of the situation at this point. For many Soviets, their new lives will be under the control of an empire from the other side of the planet, from a place they had never even been to in their entire lives.

119: African Progress

Lesotho completes the Orbital Refinery, a world wonder that provides nanomaterials and increases the production of factories and nanomaterial plants. As the designated third place civ at this point in the game, Lesotho could play a pivotal role in deciding the victor of the game. Having the largest border with Marajoara, much of their military force will be used against Marajoara in total war. This force could be enough to weaken Marajoara enough in order for the Chukchi to definitively take the lead.

120: A New European Order

Only planes remain in the Soviet military, but the pilots have no reason to fly anymore. With Marajoara having more than enough anti-aircraft units to counter them, they would simply be shot out of the sky. For many citizens in these cities, though they are ethnically Finnish, they grew up in the Soviet Union. In this way, all of the people of the Soviet Union will together face the reality of being occupied by a foreign nation, as their culture is eventually stripped and replaced by the products and amenities of their foreign conqueror.

121: Permission to live

Against all odds, the USSR is permitted to live on, if not for just a little longer, with just two cities. The immortal Vladimir will be able to watch the progression of the world from the ground for just a little longer, and for the first time, he thinks about what happens to an immortal who dies.

122: USSR War arc, concluded

We can start to observe the world after the Soviet Union, with us taking a look at Africa to start. An area that before was carpeted with Marajoara troops is now empty, and scarcely defended by Lesotho.

123: Marajoara’s Core

P’kuee completes the Utsade Gene Vault, a wonder that provides bonuses to some future worlds tile improvements. We also are able to get an insight into Marajoara’s core, and their unit composition. With many paratroopers, when they are upgraded into XCOMs they will be formidable indeed. For those out of the loop, we all know what happened the last time a South American civ got a hold of XCOMs.

124: Remember the Kulin - Rio Grande war?

Kulin somehow made their way to the western coast of North America, capturing two island cities formerly controlled by Rio Grande. This relegates Rio Grande to just a single city now, and could be eliminated by any of their neighbors at any time.

125: Friendship, even in a time of violence.

Lesotho and Marajoara are close allies, as seen by their signing of a research agreement and them sharing open borders with each other. This is good for Lesotho, as they would likely not fare much better than the USSR in a war against the Marajoara.

126: I won’t even try to pronounce that.

P’kuee completes the Mnemosyne Facility, a future worlds wonder. I don’t completely understand how it works, so I will just provide the description of the wonder from the wiki: “Units trained in this city gain additional XP equal to 10 times the level of the unit in your empire with the highest experience level, to a maximum of 60.”

127: The Frozen North

The USSR gets used to their new life as a rump state, even creating a standing army. How quaint! Some radiation is spotted near Tampere. Who’s to say how it got there? A relic from the war? A terrorist attack? Who knows.

128: Anatolian Bombs

We look into the city of Pristina, controlled by Lesotho, and see that they control quite a few atomic bombs in the city. Both Lesotho and Marajoara have strong air forces in this slide, with the Chukchi cities we see showing no slack as well. Having a strong air force can change the course of a war, if supported by a strong army.

129: Two more in the bag for P’kuee

Marajoara completes two more wonders, the Buenos Aires Forum and the Ultima Tower. The Ultimar tower provides two citizens per city across the entire empire, and the Buenos Aires Forum is essentially a future era Chichen Itza, starting a Golden Age and increasing their length by 50%. We are also starting to see Marajoara building Nexi, one of the strongest units in the game.

130: The New Europe

Marajoara’s Nexi are starting to be produced across the empire, being supported by huge numbers of aircraft in these cities. Even though these cities were only recently conquered, they are very well defended.

131: Wonder time with P’kuee

Another wonder (technically Hyperstructure, but there isn’t really much of a difference) for P’kuee, this time the Floating Islands. This provides +3 gold and culture to all sea and ocean tiles worked by the city.

132: Wonder time with P’kuee, episode 2

P’kuee completes the Nephilim Gene Template, provided +1 production, science, and gold for every 2 citizens in a city.

133: Wonder time with P’kuee, episode 3

P’kuee completes the Bionic Tower, a wonder in which specialists in cities produce half the normal amount of unhappiness and consume half the normal amount of food.

134: Open waters

A lone Finnish Crossbowman wanders international waters, the only place left in the world that can be hospitable to a nationless battalion. Without an empire to fight for, what really is their purpose in this world?

135: Kulin India

We get a glance at the small, but well defended colony Kulin controls in India. With futuristic units and a large airforce in the region, any invading force will have to give it their all to capture these cities.

136: Chukchi gets the bag

The Chukchi complete Skynet, a rather famous wonder in the Civ Battle Royale. This wonder give +10% combat strength to all units, something that will help all units across the board in the wars the Chukchi will inevitably fight in the future. We also get a glimpse at the Chukchi core, made up of a strong navy and a slightly outdated army composition of most rocket artillery.

137: Take your wins when you can

PARG enters a golden age, as the citizens of Novonikolayevsk (sheesh) celebrate their happiness and sovereignty. And for all of the empires along the way that don’t have that any more, I would say that is a great reason to celebrate.

138: Jockeying in the Second Tier

Kulin and PARG declare war on Lesotho, and this war could cement one of these powers (except you PARG) to possible be able to compete in total war. Either that, or it will weaken both nations to the point where they are both rolled by the Chukchi and Marajoara.

139: Indian Offensive

What was once thought as a defensive force goes on the offensive, advancing north into Lesotho territory.

140: A shriveled Offensive

Lesotho quickly puts down Kulin’s advance, recapturing Vaga and evaporating much of Kulin’s forces. The Chukchi also complete the Pholus Mutagen, a wonder that gives units the gengineered promotion and causes fungal growths to grow in select improved tiles in the empire.

141: Culling the numbers

Marajoara decides that it is time for the Dene to leave this world, as they declare with Lesotho. This is the last slide we see of the Dene, so I’ll take some time to discuss their game.

The Dene was an intriguing native american civ to watch, and one that I enjoyed. They controlled a good portion of North America, but an arguably unjustified peace deal giving half their empire to the Chukchi effectively ended their game.

142: The gamble did not pay off

As expected, Lesotho cleans up the cities Kulin controls in India. Shoring up their strength against their neighbors, as it would appear that the Chukchi are starting to construct quite a few Nexi…

143: Final Bastion

We see Kulin’s last few cities on the Indian subcontinent, defended by a scattering of future worlds units. Lesotho doesn’t appear to be engaging with them so for now this war lies at a stand still.

144: Potshots

Kulin looks to be striking at Lesotho cities with their air force, but no units to back it up.

145: Boethius’ greatest work

As we reach turn 700 of cycle 2, Boethius presents us with his greatest work: the people with the pointiest sticks. Notable from previous assessments of military size, the Chukchi have closed the gap significantly on Marajoara, to the point where they are statistically even. Lesotho and Kulin are at similar levels, but both are dwarfed by the two great powers of the world.

146: One of the worst trade deals, perhaps ever

Lesotho gives up 3 cities for some reason to Kulin, even though they more than could have defended them. Sometimes you can never understand AI.

147: Jesus christ that’s a lot of Nexi

Right before the advent of total war, we see the extent of the modernization of the Chukchi’s core. With their entire empire littered with Nexi, they will be very formidable in total war. Will it be enough to beat the Marajoara? There’s only one way to find out.

148: Let there be total war!

Our last slide of the episode begins TOTAL WAR! Every civ on the cylinder is at war with every other civ, and perma war is one. According to Lunar, this will be the war to end all wars, and only one empire will emerge, becoming sole and absolute victor of the CBRX, season 2.

Episode 33: On The Eve of Cataclysm – S2