Civ Battle Royale Battles rage for the fates of entire continents as great powers seek to stay ahead and underdogs scramble to bring themselves back to relevance.
Hello and welcome to Episode 11 of the CBRX Season 3! I’m NopeCopter, also known as u/daXfactorz, and I’ll be your narrator this time around. I apologize for any issues with the narration this time, it was a bit of a rush job and I had to scrap a lot of narration due to time issues, but hopefully it’s as enjoyable as ever. We’ve got a lot to cover this time, so strap in!
u/Vihreaa’s maps are always a treat, and with Castile finally visible, they’re better than ever! Be sure to appreciate the cylinder as it is now, because it’ll never be the same again.
u/Orangechrisy’s comics are another staple of the subreddit, and for good reason - they’re damn great. America’s constant Dark Ages make for natural joke material, they’re as funny as they are slightly depressing considering how much they’re crippling an otherwise-solid civ. Talk about dark humor.
As always, a massive thank you to the Ko-Fi supporters who keep this game running - without them, running an AI game of this scale would be infinitely harder. Ko-Fi supporters get some pretty neat perks too, so if you have the money to spare, it might be worth tossing some money towards the showrunners!
Tuva takes their spot at the top of the Power Rankings for the second time in a row, for good reason - they’re currently winning a war against the former Rank 1 civ, the Permians. But can they stick the landing and close out the war with a decisive victory? Let’s find out.
We kick things off today with a rather disappointing sight. Despite being under attack from all sides at sea, North Korea’s defense of their home peninsula holds strong as the Ming naval assault on Chongjin collapses. The Ainu assault on Tajihi-Sarugake isn’t faring much better, and Mori hasn’t even bothered to send any ships to help the war effort. North Korea is safe for now.
In a surprise twist, Indonesia is now putting in the bulk of the work against the Filipino city of Cavite el Viejo as the Kokang fleet makes a temporary retreat! The city is in fine enough shape for now, but with an Indonesian fleet that large, the Philippines could soon be reduced to just their capital. And Indonesia is already thinking ahead, too - they’ve already declared war on Cambodia so that they can immediately get to conquering once they secure Cavite el Viejo.
The Massagetae have flipped Izhkar out of the hands of the Permians once again, routing their token relief force. Oxus is also under heavy siege, but it remains in Permian hands for now - that said, it seems like the Permians simply don’t have the forces in the area to keep up the fight. Could this be the start of a Massagetae comeback?
Also of Note: North Korea negotiates peace with the Ainu.
The Permians are seeing a bit more success on the eastern front, having retaken Izyur from Tuva, but it doesn’t take a genius to see that the Tuvans still have quite the advantage. Tuva has units for days (though they’re mostly ranged units), while the Permians seem to be running a bit low and have much less presence on the front lines. Tuva’s signature “singing arrows”, in particular, have struck fear into the Permian forces and caused their morale to drop significantly - with a deafening “ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ”, the sound of thousands of arrows signals the coming of death itself.
The Kayapo, as dedicated to the arts as ever, have constructed the Hagia Sophia in their capital of Kremoro. This Wonder grants the city a free Temple and a free Great Prophet, in addition to generating plenty of extra Faith. Also, just look at how many people live in Kremoro, it’s ridiculous!
Botswana has established a Principality! Looking at their lands, they’re still as underwhelming as ever in terms of size (thanks in part to that Settler which isn’t doing anything), and their military comes up just a bit short against their neighbors. Their war against the Kilwa has also achieved nothing thus far, but that was to be expected.
Chile has adopted a Monarchy, providing an opportunity to survey their lands. Their core is certainly impressive, their navy in particular, but they just don’t look quite strong enough to overrun Rio de la Plata just yet. Their Production is much higher, however, so at this rate it’s only a matter of time.
The Massagetae outpost of Kara-kum is still fine despite both the Lithuanians and the Permians being at war with the city. Lithuania has sent a few units to attack, but they haven’t really been able to do much just yet.
The Inca-Chilean War hasn’t seen much progress on land, but at sea, the Chileans appear to have a slight edge. They had a numerical advantage in terms of ships at the beginning of the war, too, but considering the bulk of the Chilean navy hasn’t even reached the front lines yet, the Inca may not have control over their own waters for long.
The Mohave have declared war on the Modoc, finally returning the favor for that Modoc invasion so long ago! Honestly, that Modoc carpet looks a bit too big for the Mohave to wipe out even if it’s largely out-of-date, but it’s still the exact kind of move that Irataba needs to be making in order to stay competitive.
The Yolngu have done it! They’ve settled a third city! It’s probably too late for them to make a true comeback at this point, but Australia is still pretty empty and the Wiradjuri have been… horribly underwhelming thus far, so I’d hardly say that Yolngu expansion doesn’t matter.
Tuva has not only retaken Izyur once again but also secured Iskor! The Permian military has regrouped and formed a defensive line, but they seem to be running out of soldiers - the Tuvans, by contrast, just keep coming. The Permians’ only hope at this point is the serious lack of melee units in the Tuvan carpet.
Kilwa has evidently managed to flip Mbarara for just a moment, only to lose it to Uganda once more. Both sides of the conflict have plenty more units in the area, so unless the two can come to a mutual agreement, this war will probably continue to rage for quite a while longer.
While Vermont’s Icelandic colony is realistically pretty screwed (provided Greenland actually sends a fleet), their capital of Windsor is actually doing just fine! The Greenlandic navy is being held up at sea by two Vermont Triremes, and Holsteinsborg completely lacks a military to threaten Vermont’s capital with. Leading the defense of Windsor is Juan Peron, the former president of Argentina, founder of Peronism as an ideology, and husband of Mk. 2’s Eva Peron. Why he’s not in Rio de la Plata, I don’t know, but he’s clearly doing a pretty good job with what he’s been given.
The Inca maintain total domination over Polynesia, with four cities settled and two more on the way. At this rate, the Maori won’t even get to settle a single island… but considering the Chilean and Maori navies, the Inca might not hold these cities for too long, either. At least it’s peaceful here for now.
The Ainu have decided that the Kwakwaka’wakw are too dangerous a force to be left alone in the Arctic, and so they’ve declared war! While that Ainu force may look intimidating at first, notice that it’s mostly embarked Composite Bowmen, which are useless. The Kwaks, on the other hand, have quite the navy back home…
The Ainu aren’t the only ones going after the Kwaks, it seems. Not only have the Cree also declared war on their black-and-pink neighbors, but they’ve also taken the opportunity to join the fight to eliminate the Modoc, as well! The Rocky Mountains pose a significant barrier, and the risk of the war(s) devolving into a stalemate is high, but any victory here would be huge for the Cree.
Here’s a quick peek at the Rio de la Plata core, where things are looking juuuust serviceable enough that an invasion from any one of their neighbors shouldn’t cause them to instantly collapse. Still, their military is unimpressive, and while they are still trying to settle, they’re losing too much money to really close the gap between them and, say, Chile. Also worth noting are the Brazilian fleet around Rio de Janeiro and the sizable Kayapo force around Mekragnoti.
The Massagetae have finally retaken Oxus at long last! There’s still a token Permian force around both Oxus and Izhkar, but it seems like the Massagetae will be holding them for the foreseeable future considering the lack of Permian troops beyond the front lines.
Izyur flips and then flips back as the Permians attempt to regain their lost territory. While the front lines look even now, the reserves of each civilization tell the full story - the Permian core is absolutely barren, while the portion of the Tuvan lands we can see are full of fresh recruits ready to push west.
Afghanistan is looking as impressive as ever with their massive empire. Sure, their carpet isn’t super imposing at first glance, but they’re one of the few civs with access to Pikemen, and they have a road system to allow their troops to easily mobilize across their empire! Their stats are all rock-solid, too, so Afghanistan isn’t likely to fall from their top-tier ranking any time soon.
In case you’ve forgotten, Lithuania is also plenty imposing - their military is large both on land and at sea, their core is rock-solid, and while they’re somewhat lacking in easy targets, none of their neighbors pose an active threat to them. Their UU, the Samogitian Warrior, is a Swordsman which gains a massive Strength bonus and free Health per turn while on a Forest tile - perfect for fighting on their eastern and southern borders. Lithuania is certainly a force to be reckoned with, though luckily for everyone around them, they currently seem preoccupied with invading the Massagetae outpost to their northeast.
And now, for a quick break to look at the world’s governments! I’ll be saving most of my commentary here for the Lore section, but I do want to point out some highlights, too - namely the Irish Theocratic State and the Anglo-Norse Dictatorship.
Here are some quick overviews of each nation’s government:
Coiot Note: Optional lore bits in dropdowns.
Here’s our second set of governments. Highlights include the Kayapo ALSO founding a Theocratic State and Castile already being in the hands of the Bourgeoisie.
Here’s the third set! Highlights this time include the Han Principality being under the control of Business Magnates and not one but two Peasant’s Republics (Greenland and the Inca).
Here’s the fourth set! Highlights include “Chieftess” Olga leading a Populist Tribe and Mori being a Monarchy with power held by the Commons.
And here’s the last set of government updates! Unfortunately, it seems one of the slides is missing, so a few governments have gone uncovered. Highlights here include both the Wiradjuri and the Yolngu being Military Dictatorships and Yugoslavia, just barely visible, being identifiable as a Republic.
America continues to look fine enough on the outside despite being a total mess on the inside. They’ve evidently declared war on the Kwaks for some reason, likely to try and win back some easy prestige. Meanwhile, up north, it seems like Greenland is beating Vermont’s defenses at sea.
Egypt, effectively out of options to defend themselves from Turkey and Yemen, offers to let a small Chadian tribe settle just outside of their lands as long as they cut off the Arabian invaders in the process. Thus, the city of Fada is born, and cartographers around the world scream.
Furious that the city of Ubate is refusing to pay tribute to them, the Kayapo declare war, inadvertently kicking off a war with the rest of the Muisca as well. This seems like a horrible mistake, but the Muisca army is very clearly not built for conquest, and the jungles of the Amazon remain as impenetrable as ever, so the Kayapo will probably get away with this scot-free. Meanwhile, America beats down on the Inca island city of Tiwanaku.
The Filipino city of Cavite el Viejo has taken serious damage! However, the Indonesian fleet sent to take the city has grown restless, and several vessels have prematurely sailed towards the Filipino capital in hopes of scoring some REAL treasure. The Kokang navy, meanwhile, has been forced to resort to embarked ranged units. Luckily for Indonesia, they have a second fleet on the way to the front lines - hopefully this one doesn’t also split apart right when progress starts being made.
After ages of trying and failing to convert the Irish zealots, the Anglo-Dutch finally give up and agree to leave the Emerald Isles alone. Yugoslavia is a bigger problem anyways, after all. Ireland can now finally focus all their efforts on failing to invade Scandinavia some more.
Oxus is now fully under the control of the Massagetae - unfortunately, however, this has come at the cost of Izhkar. A mysterious dancer from a faraway land comes to congratulate Tomyris on her victory regardless, since they’d already made the trek out there and all.
More curiously, however, it seems that the Permian outpost of Izhma has changed hands to the Tuvans…
After a hard-fought battle, the Permians have finally decided to cut their losses and surrender to Tuva, giving up on both Iskor and Izyur in the process. While this was the right call, it’s also pretty decisively put an end to the era of Permian dominance if the events of the last episode hadn’t already. On the other hand, Tuva has now demonstrated their power firsthand, cementing themselves as the top dogs of the game.
Kilwa once again flips Mbarara, only to immediately lose it to Uganda again. While it may seem pointless, the Ugandan military is slowly, slowly thinning - Mbarara is almost out of melee units, while Kilwa ships (and Missionaries) just keep coming. Also, it’s not as relevant, but Yemen’s looking pretty nice for a civ of their size.
With the Irish navy all but annihilated, Brandenburg is able to negotiate peace just in time to save the life of one of their Settlers. They just have to agree not to settle the Irish Isles. Really, though, this is a huge victory for Brandenburg - they’ve retained control over Scandinavia and can now focus on other things.
Greenland’s invasion of Windsor has utterly collapsed, and now Vermont is actually beginning to stage a counter-attack on Holsteinsborg! Really, it’s more like a raid considering it mostly consists of a couple of Composite Bowmen, but it really goes to show how badly Greenland has screwed this up.
The latest addition to the colorful collection of Sahara Cities is Am-Timan, settled by Chad just southeast of Tetouan. Sundiata Keita of Mali hardly seems fazed by the news of all this free land being eaten up, however - he’s heard many tales of great West African empires done in by attempting to support too many worthless desert cities, after all.
Taking a closer look at the newly-Tuvan city of Izhma, it’s honestly not bad for a desert exclave. River access, Wheat, Hills, and plenty of trade through the area, plus of course some exotic neighbors to the east.
The Cree invasion of the Kwaks is going rather poorly at the moment, with Kwak soldiers taking up defensible positions across the Rocky Mountains to thwart the Cree approach. A few Horsemen are getting through around Tsaxis, but it isn’t nearly enough to threaten the city. The Modoc are helping too - a couple of Modoc troops are fighting off the Cree near Loon River.
Now that the Arapaho have conquered the Comanche, they’re free to settle all the empty land that the Comanche never bothered to conquer. Surely the Mohave will have no issues with this whatsoever and won’t ever consider turning that army around Avi Kwa Ame on those new settlements.
The Muisca have sent a Settler off into the Caribbean, but honestly, it doesn’t seem like there’s enough room for another city there. In other Muisca-related news, though, they’ve sent their navy off to attack the city of Bau, with the ships being cheered on as they go by a strange dancer from a faraway land.
Tiwanaku has successfully fended off the American naval assault, although it appears to have attracted some lost Muisca ships in return. Meanwhile in Ubate, the Kayapo, not used to conventional warfare, attempt to sit outside the city and shame the citizens until they relent. This form of religious siege appears to work surprisingly well.
Timor-Leste constructs Nan Madol in their capital city of Dili, granting them +1 Food, Production, and Gold for each Sea Tile worked by the city. For a city like this, Nan Madol is a godsend.
Olga has returned from her sabbatical and become enlightened - Allah has spoken to her, and he has told her to convert her government into a Monastic Order. The monks now rule the Kyivan Rus’, their religious devotion keeping their many enemies at bay.
Aside from a monastic ruling class, the Kyivan Rus’ have plenty of other neat things going on, such as their UU, the Gost Convoy. It’s a Pikeman replacement that gains XP for luxury resources traded away and generates gold when promoted near a Great Merchant. Clearly, the Merchants finance the Kyivan military while the monks run the government.
The merchant overlords of the Han have decided that Qocho’s existence is incredibly inconvenient for the flow of trade routes through Asia, and so they convince the government to go and wipe them off the map. The Kyivan Rus’ join in too, because apparently Qocho is full of heathens and that’s good enough for the monks.
Lithuania has taken Kara-kum from the Massagetae in a completely overkill fashion, sending no less than a dozen units to capture this one snowy exclave. Nonetheless, the city has been made into an example, and Lithuania’s other neighbors should heed their warning. At least Kara-kum wasn’t razed.
The Incan navy has been decimated, and Chile now decisively rules the waves. The bulk of the Chilean navy hasn’t even reached Incan waters yet, but when they do, Corihuayrachina could be in serious trouble.
The Massagetae manage to reclaim Izhkar, but now Permian troops from the Tuvan front are making their way down to contest Oxus once more. The Massagetae simply cannot catch a break. In slightly lighter news, though, it seems Khazaria is making the best of their bad situation by becoming the merchant lords of the Caspian, fielding not one but two Cargo Ships in the sea.
Louise Cheruit, renowned French fashion designer, has been pulling in customers from all over the Indian and Pacific Oceans. Timor-Leste has become a powerful force in the world of fashion, and the way people dress the world over has been given Cheruit’s signature touch.
Against all odds, Indonesia has successfully captured Cavite El Viejo from the Philippines with their final few Triremes! There is a Filipino Spearman nearby, but it’s unable to capture the city - it seems like Suharto might actually hold onto this capture, which would be a massive deal. The Indonesian assault on Malolos has (rather expectedly) collapsed, however.
In a move that you literally could not make up, the newest Great General hired by the North Koreans is none other than DOUGLAS MACARTHUR, the American general infamous for almost screwing up the Korean War and attempting to escalate it into a full-scale war against the Chinese. This is probably one of the best Great General assignments I’ve ever seen. Regardless, though, MacArthur was quite the successful general overall during his life - North Korea could certainly use that sort of military skill in their current situation.
Tetouan has established a Monarchy, perhaps inspired by the Castilians to their north. Now with a more centralized government, Tetouan’s disparate cities finally have something tying them together - although they are still plagued by the Norman city of Capua slicing their territorial waters in half. Speaking of Castile, though, they’ve started producing a truly ridiculous amount of their Horseman UU, the Jinete. The Jinete restores its HP and Movement after capturing a city of a different religion, which is fairly irrelevant for now considering that all of their neighbors practice Lutheranism aside from Ireland, but it also has less of a penalty against cities and a higher flanking bonus, so it’s still quite a formidable unit in large numbers.
Bau is under attack by the Muisca navy! However, considering that Bau only has a one-tile coastline and the Muisca are still struggling to approach the city by land, the odds of the city falling are still slim to none. In Ubate, meanwhile, the Kayapo soldiers have finally realized that religious pressure won’t make the city surrender. Their second idea is pikes. Also, Marcus Garvey, the controversial Jamaican politician and CBRX2 leader, is a Kayapo Great Prophet - perhaps that’s why they’ve suddenly become more active.
Rio de la Plata has finally settled the Falkland Islands! They also decide to send a small naval force to protect the city. Jose de San Martin’s advisors are confused as to why such an isolated settlement would need military protection, but San Martin insists that he has a bad feeling about leaving the island undefended.
A closer look at Yemen reveals that they truly are the masters of trade. Their armada of Caravans carries goods throughout the Middle East, making the Yemeni people filthy rich in the process. They also have their Bakil Highlander UU, which replaces the Swordsman, can claim desert and mountain tiles for Yemen while fortified (granting them a +1 Food yield in the process), and aren’t slowed by Hills. Aside from that, though, Yemen is a fairly unremarkable civilization - maybe they could sneak a city or two from Turkey or Afghanistan, but they’d lose out in the longer term, so for now they will trade. Also, Mbarara flipped again.
To lead their invasion of Qocho, the Han government hires Bori Shad, a Gokturk general (Western Gokturk, specifically) with unfinished business regarding the plucky little city-state. Perhaps with the help of Bori Shad and their Qiang Spearman UU (which actually only has Culture-related bonuses), Han can finally put an end to Qocho once and for all?
Indonesia is finally starting to produce Settlers, with two present off the coast of Borneo, but it may be too late at this point - even the worst city locations are being gobbled up by more expansive powers. Case in point, Bengali Sumatra has now been expanded to two cities with the settlement of Midnapore on a nearby one-tile island.
Kokang, having lost out on Cavite El Viejo, are now directing their ships towards Malolos in an attempt to finish off the Philippines. However, they only have about half a dozen Triremes left, so the city should be able to survive just fine for the time being. Indonesia also lacks a proper navy to threaten the city with.
Tang Taizong has led a valiant defense of Burlington, but alas, it seems like the city’s time has come. Greenland’s Triremes have finally reached the city and battered its walls into oblivion, and Vermont simply lacks the troops to fight off all the Triremes nearby. Still, Taizong has not fled - if the city shall fall, then he shall fall with it.
While invading Iceland, Greenland also elects to casually move into another set of foreign islands, directing their far-flung Settler to move north into the British Isles. Will they settle a city here? Greenland should hope not. Ireland does not tolerate outsiders on their home turf.
The Muisca have the city of Bau surrounded, and yet it’s hardly taken any damage at all. The power of the Amazon Rainforest truly is frightening. Ubate, meanwhile, has been damaged into the yellow by the Kayapo onslaught, and the city genuinely looks ready to fall soon. The Kayapo are finally waking up, and it’s terrifying.
Torii Mototada is recruited as Vermont’s second mainland Great General, but honestly, his services might not even be necessary - Vermont has planted Holsteinsborg into the black, and if they can somehow get a melee unit to the front lines, they can replace their Icelandic city with a conquest of their own.
Qocho’s defenders have abandoned their defensible positions around the city to meet the Han soldiers head-on… while the Han troops have Citadels and Hills to position themselves on. The Qocho soldiers have managed to surround the Han invaders somewhat, but even then, their position is dubious. To the west of this epic showdown, meanwhile, a Kokang Settler continues to wander through the Taklamakan Desert in search of a place to call home.
Burlington has finally fallen, placing Iceland in Greenlandic hands. However, even this might not be enough to give Greenland a path to Europe, considering that Brandenburg has two Settlers on the way to claim various islands nearby. That said, Iceland is worth quite a lot on its own - it’s a victory that’s been a long time coming, but it is a victory for Greenland nonetheless.
Incan Polynesia continues to be quiet and peaceful… surprisingly so. Despite Chile’s rampage through Incan waters, these islands show no signs of being under threat - in fact, the Inca have another Settler present just to the southeast of Vitcos! While Chile might not be interested in contesting the region, though, it seems like the Maori just might - they’ve built a Settler in Whatiwhatihoe, and who knows where it’s headed.
It seems that Chile’s navy has fallen for one of the classic blunders: slamming into well-defended coastal cities uselessly. Hell, it seems like the Chilean navy is attempting to attack Quito despite the city lacking a coastline altogether! This is a tragic waste of good Triremes, and considering that Chile’s land forces are never going to make any progress in the Andes mountains, this seems like the end for any hope of a city capture in this war.
Brandenburg, now at peace, is finally free to look inward and develop itself culturally. FIrst on the agenda is the establishment of a government, and of course, Brandenburg has founded a Monarchy. How fitting. Aside from that, though, Brandenburg is looking… solid, albeit a bit underwhelming. They need to put their high Production to use and build their military back up if they want a shot at cracking any of their neighbors. They do have plenty of Great Generals though.
After a long, long war, Turkey finally negotiates a peace with Egypt. However, rather than negotiating with the House of Commons in Thebes (which holds the de facto power in Egypt), Ataturk negotiates with Akhenaten directly, and Akhenaten takes the opportunity to… dispose of the ones who have supplanted him. He hands over the city of Thebes to Turkey, and before the Commons can react, the parliamentary building is torched and the Commons members are forced to flee the city. Akhenaten is back in power, but it’s come at the cost of one of his only two remaining cities… not that he isn’t too far gone to care about that, of course.
While the Massagetae comeback was incredible, it sadly seems to be coming to an end - Izhkar is solidly back in Permian hands, and Oxus is under heavy assault. The Permians are splitting their units, which might allow the Massagetae to hold on for longer, but something has to change fast or the Permians are going to at the very least reverse all of the Massagetae gains.
Roger of Lauria, famed for his capture of Sicily for the Aragonese in real life, leads the American navy in the assault of Vilcabamba and Tiwanaku. He’s made the contentious decision to split the fleet in two, but without any defenses for either city save for a single Trireme in Tiwanaku, his plan just might work… or it could be a total waste of ten perfectly good Triremes. Time will tell. Further south, though, we have an entirely successful city capture - Ubate has fallen to the Kayapo and is currently burning. Bau remains mostly untouched.
The Wiradjuri military has been clamoring for another shot at the Yolngu, and Windrayne is finally ready to give them what they want - it’s time for round three, and this time the Wiradjuri are out for blood. However, the Yolngu military is ready, and they’re as strong as ever, so expect another bloodbath assuming the war doesn’t immediately end. In other news, looking at the very right of the screen, the Wiradjuri finally seem ready to settle the eastern coast of Australia. RIP to the Maori Settler that could’ve settled there.
The Kwaks and the Modoc continue to hold out against their respective invaders. Tsaxis is starting to feel the weight of the Cree invasion force, taking a bit of damage, but the city is mostly untouched. That said, the Cree are also bringing more and more non-mounted units to the front lines, so the Kwaks aren’t out of the woods just yet. The Modoc are also doing surprisingly well against the Mohave, although their carpet is beginning to thin slightly. They’re safe for now (especially since the Cree are busy elsewhere), but this could be the beginning of a very slow end for them.
And finally, here’s a quick look at the Kwak-Ainu War. The Ainu navy has rather predictably been routed by the Kwak fleet, but the Ainu Composite Bowmen have taken up positions along the coast to harass Kwak ships as they try to make the perilous journey toward the Ainu capital. This war is also certainly going nowhere fast.
And that’s all for today! I hope you enjoyed it. Take care, and be sure to tune in next time for what will surely be an even more exciting episode! Until then, I’ve been NopeCopter aka u/daXfactorz, and thank you for reading.