Episode 14: Furthermore, Kilwa Must Be Destroyed

1: Get R-r-r-ready to Ruummbblleee!

Welcome, welcome, one and all, to Episode 14 of the Civilization Battle Royale X Season 3! I’m your host this week, E_C_H, longtime patron and fan who does the dumb history posts and stats sheets each week (sorry for all the feed clutter).

With the Cylinder more filled up than ever and the game solidly entering a mid-game stage of play, pressure is mounting more than ever on some rumps and you can expect even wackier international diplomacy. All this and more, only on the CBR Network!!!

2: Sweet, dulcet tones

I’d like to dedicate this week's OC slot to something a little different from usual but very much deserving of appreciation, our two lovely community audio narrators, iniocl manning the Power Rankings whilst Doc Ido is presumably feeling quite awkward right now reading this. Thank you both, your community service has been exceptional!

3: The Vihreaa Appreciation Hour

Speaking of vital community members, would we even have awareness of tiles beyond our spawn points if not for the valiant, venerable Vihreaa and their marvelous maps! Look at how little blank space remains, how much will be gone this time!

4: The Society of the Good and Beautiful

Also known by the names ‘The Club of the Perfect’ or ‘The Generally Wonderful Committee’; the Civ Battle Royale Ko-Fi is a very exclusive group of elites, now offering membership for low, low prices!

(Note: Author assumes no bias in this advertisement).

5: Rio de la Flated

To add some variety from the continual first place Tuva achieves, this week the PR slide highlights our biggest change in rank, Rio de la Plata’s 12 rank tumble as it faces war from all angles. Some think this could be elimination territory, others think this could peter out quite easily, let’s find out!

6: On Liberty

We begin this episode proper with a shot of the continuing major conflict of North America, the Cree-Kwakwaka’wakw War. The artistic coast-huggers have had the worst of the fighting thus far, but a promising force continues to batter Essipit and should be able to take it quite easily. A Cree settler could either be heading South, beyond Loon River to continue settling the Plains, or is making a daring (foolhardy even) attempt to resettle the site Tsaxis once sat on, which would make the initial razing quite pointless beyond cruel pettiness.

Last episode showed the Cree as a noble-dominated monarchy, so I wish John Stuart Mill well as he tries to set up a foundation of Liberalism in Poundmakers Kingdom.

7: Meditations on Mbarara

From one ongoing conflict to another, the Mbarara conflict has left both sides looking pretty spent, in my estimations. Kilwa has maintained their vital naval advantage, helped by beelining techs to grab Compass some episodes back, and thus field Galleases to pepper the city and coastal enemies, but Uganda equally holds a slight land advantage. Ultimately, this war has just dragged both combatants down, and now just about every neighbour seems to have some credible, worrying presence on the borders of both sides. Well, maybe not Botswana, as much as I hate to admit it as a huge Khama fan, whose invasion of Kilwa is pretty plainly a distraction at most.

08: Where in the World is Agent Semiramis?

We’ve received word the still somewhat confused but trusty Agent Semiramis, this time from the frosty Bering Straight outpost of Gaochang; a place some remote they say a walk Uptown risks you falling off the Cylinder. Can’t say it would be my first choice of travel destination, but hey, it seems quiet at least. Expect a decent amount of slides checking in on agents throughout the rest of the series, of varying uniquity.

09: Malolos in Mierda

Things are not going well for Aguinaldo, as his capital and only remaining city has already taken some damage from a sporadic blockade. It’s hard to judge the chances of elimination from this one slide, as Indonesia’s core lays not far away and they specialise in quick naval transport so reinforcements could easily come in, plus the Wiradjuri and maybe even Ainu could provide units to the struggle. I’d honestly give Indonesia 60/40 or so odds, excluding a needless early peace; Luzon has plenty of bowmen on it, but triremes can pack a surprising city capture ability in this stage of the game, and a single pikeman landing on the shores would do good damage.

To the left of the slide, Yang’s progress eliminating Cambodia seems far slower, but I wouldn’t discount the potential for sheer troop volume to win out in the end, if attention is actually placed on the war.

10: The Vacation Community

The peoples of the Irish Isles northern Highlands were a hardy, independent minded culture, albeit one that could never claim much in the way of a united political culture, so divided by clan allegiances and tough terrain. Most were quietly resigned to eventual subsumption into the domain of Patriarch Collins, or even to resist and join up with the relatively new and militant forces of Brandenburg’s empire. None could have predicted their true fate, when one fateful decade in the mid-1100’s a fleet of ships arrived on the rocky shores; and out poured a strange, loud peoples from across an ocean.

They were the most curious folk, but generally inoffensive to most. They wore bright garish colours, even to the most solemn parishes and groves. Many were older and hefty in stature. They said they had joined a ‘cruise’ to ‘rediscover their ancestry’ that they were all certain they had here, to the total befuddlement of the Highlanders, whose only tales of major transatlantic crossings were centuries old accounts of ‘The Comanche Settlers’, whose resemblance was far different. They spoke in a nasal accent alien to the locals. Multiple scuffles broke out when these travellers claimed elite clan ties, or even adorned themselves in clan patterns with zero thought to the significance of them. Every village they descended upon was swarmed for days with these strangers painting canvas after canvas of everyday scenes and objects. Finally, one thrifty village leader on a picturesque stretch of Northern coast sold land to many of the older couples who ‘wanted to spend their retirement here’; and only a decade later would realise their mistake as both their families, and even more strangers who had ‘heard this place was swell’ from friends arrived on more and more ships.

They called themselves Americans, and they were here to stay.

11: The Emerald - and Brownish - Isle

Baltimore is the most exciting new settle, but actually far from the only one, as Collins seems to have decided now is the best time to go on a settling run (as opposed to, you know, the early game when land was widely available). Kilkenny-on-the-Severn and scenic Tralee on Ireland’s West Coast, alongside the new conquest of Oviedo in Britanny and the potential of one more Irish settler currently around Devon, all add up to quite rapidly beef up Ireland’s core. Add in a sufficiently dense army in some areas, and a modern pikeman unit on the field. By no means a major power, but definitely taller than the average civ and deserving of their continual middle-of-range rank.

The final settlement of note is Greenlands expansion of Chistianhab on Ireland's southern tip, to my mind an ill-advised settle, especially in a pre-ocean-sailing stage of the game where Hans has no ability to reinforce it. Ireland could definitely take it if they desired, although waiting for recovery from the Castille war may be best. Far away, top-tier Tuva chooses to be cruel today and declared war on the Philippines. An utterly meaningless, yet unpleasant, gesture.

12: Caspian Conquests

Turkey has solidified their grasp on Samandar, and wisely made peace at the end of the last part rather than throwing troops to their death storming across the Caspian trying to take the Khazar city state of Tamantarkhan. Ataturk's borders are frankly quite beautiful in my humble opinion as narrator, with a nice defensive line in the Caucuses (albeit one forced by Vladimir) and a good amount of troops present everywhere.

Bulan’s status is a lot less hopeful, boasting a whopping 5 tiles of land and three total military units. True, the position of the city on what I believe is the Garabogazkol Basin (try saying that 5 times as fast as you can) and the regional bordergore does add some defensiveness, but I still imagine the Permians or Afghanistan could finish Bulan off without much trouble at any point right now. Dangerous times for a very waylaid civ.

13: Guerra de las Malvinas

Following up on their string of naval success on Jose’s cities just off the coast of South America, Allende has a mixed naval/embarked squad pointed squarely at Mendoza on the Falklands. Allendes straightforward and very un-AI-like competence so far has come as a total shock to just about every observer, especially given his near-pacifist reputation prior to this game, and I fully expect Mendoza to be adorned in deep red before the end of this part. Brazil and the Inca’s declarations of war seem to have pulled away or destroyed much of the defences we saw outside Buenos Aires both at land and on sea, although I’d like a clearer battlefield view before predicting the scale of defeat Rio de la Plata faces.

14: Cracking Carracks

The Zulu have managed to sneak in another Madagascan city, smartly placed inland to dramatically reduce the ability of Kilwa to take it in the event of war. This shot of Kilwa’s Southern core does show a lot more strength, particularly given the multiple carracks they have deployed, although it’s a conundrum why they’re still here and not converged on Mbarara. The Kilwa faith of Bogomilism is also notably healthy in this region, a religion mostly focused around gold buffs but, as of a Reformation belief, now also able to buy science buildings with faith, which may be quite useful (coincidentally they also grabbed the belief to but culture buildings with faith, making this the perfect religion for a faith-rich but production-poor civ).

15: A Necessary Pun

I guess you could say Brandenburg is on a… settling Spree…

Yeah, I’m disappointed with my mental development too. For serious though, so much of Frederick-Wilhelms strength this game has surprisingly emerged out of settling expansionism rather than their supposed combat prowess, and with 5 more settlers visible here in addition to the utterly barren snow city of Spree, I do wonder how much of a return Freddy-Will is getting off of all these settlements.

16: Moving Habitats

For a civ whose specialty is settling near deserts, I think Irataba may have forgotten that beyond being flat and endless, deserts should be dry. Jokes side, the Mohave are set to own all of Hawaii besides the actual island of Hawaii, which Ming claimed early. All going well, these could be pivotal forward bases for trans-Pacific operations by the late game; but equally these could end up underdefended easy pick-ups for another Pacific power, like the Inca or an actually active Mori?

Speaking of Mori, they’ve actually settled more of Honshu and have another settler ready to go further. With the grace of Mount Fuji realised and exploited, will Mori surge into an active and powerful player?! Probably not, but hey!

17: The Mighty Ducks

As expected, Essipit falls to Willie Seaweed’s forces and without a major movement of Cree troops shouldn’t fall back anytime soon. Obviously it’s no replacement for their other losses, but it’s a silver lining during an otherwise quite bleak war.

18: Ruh-Roh, Recife

Bad news hits the already beleaguered citizens of Brazil as the Muisca declare war on them, adding to the list of South American conflicts. I have to say, this continent has felt more active this season to me than it has in almost any other, at least at this point in the run, although recency bias could be a factor. Anyway, near Recife this war simply means some free experience for the shoreline bowmen as triremes potter about, but give a thought for the unfortunate citizens in Brazil’s remaining Caribbean holding.

Meanwhile, Robert Guiscard, perhaps seeking a distraction from the -80 gold per turn black hole that is the Norman economy, declares war on Kilwa.

19: Uh Oh, Olinda

Ah, speak of the devil, here’s that Carribean city, and yep, would not want to be living there right now! I wouldn’t call the yields of Jamaica this season a major gain for Muisca, but Olinda connects well into their core and would be a lovely first line of defence or even offense in any Caribbean campaign. Furthermore, sat in Hunza is their military UU, the Güecha, for the first time in this game as far as I recall. It’s a longswordsman replacement that costs a bit extra in terms of maintenance, but in return requires no iron, starts with extra XP and gains XP faster; so pretty ideal for spamming and grinding in rough terrain if used.

20: The Birth of a Meme

Huh, I have a theory as to how the Normans are losing 80 gold per turn. If I were in Robert's shoes, I’d probably gamble on war with Yugoslavia to utilise and simultaneously reduce my forces, hopefully grabbing Titograd and the Saharan outposts; but it’s still a risk on the land front.

To the East, Arwa al-Sulayhi had grown frustrated, so very very frustrated. For an immortal leader, I can imagine repetition is one of the more dreaded aspects of life, and every month getting reports from the Horn of Africa of new Mbarara movements - attacks here, a capture then, repeat - was grating to say the least. In frustration, she started a most curious habit, at first as a simple joke. At the end of every council session, which were often due to the populist republican setup of her state, she would wrap up her sections by stating “Furthermore, Kilwa must be destroyed”. It was a hilarious in-joke amongst her and the diplomatic corps of Yemen, at least at first. Then it spread amongst the broader political set, with many populist leaders throwing in the joke when they lacked a better ending to a speech. This spread it amongst the populace, and before long a ‘Kilwa Destruction Party’ was running for some positions, officially as an ironic bit of campaign humour. Mediaeval society obviously lacked the academic language to describe this, but later anthropologists would describe this event as the first ‘memetic communication’, at least of societal consequence, as that ironic party inevitably entered office and genuinely lobbied for war with Kilwa. Bound to the whims of the masses, Yemen entered the Mbarara Conflict.

Civs at war with Kilwa: 5

21: The Chocolate Prince

Putting aside irrelevant faraway conflicts, peace reigns supreme in the Principality of Afghanistan. With it’s solidly sized, well spaced and generally connected cities; up to date but maybe not carpet-ready army and 3 more settlers scouting the Northern edges of the domains for good new spots; who wouldn’t want to be Durrani right now? It seems his lands are so prosperous a maker of sweets could consider investing his fortunes into a company town, or other philanthropic ventures (in other words, a nice customs house on otherwise useless desert perhaps?).

22: The Eastern Seaboard

A shot of Eastern North America shows America, perhaps still in a dark age (I’m honestly not familiar with how long they last), seemingly missing a real opportunity to make gains that exists in this fleeting moment. While the American forces are perhaps a bit horseman-heavy, the sheer numbers + pikeman advantage FDR currently has over a manpower low Arapaho nation would make conquering at minimum Heet-Ko’einoo’ a doddle, and further gains likely. I can’t really explain the emptiness of the Arapaho Midwest, and given Pretty Nose’s production the longer FDR waits, the more chance the Arapaho have to plug this gap in the wall.

23: The Holy Opium Empire

The Amazon continues being Raoni’s astounding shield as the Inca fail to land any blows on Kuben-Kran-Kren. With a bit more of a defence force raised this time, only a horseman currently positioned to be able to do city damage, and the new distraction of Rio de la Plata to the south, I truly suspect Tupac Yupanqui won’t be getting any gains here, although I have been wrong about the capabilities of Kayapo before.

Over in Southeast Asia, Olive Yang watches their capital proudly from their new centre of governance, Hofburg Palace! I had to do some discord networking to work out this exact wonder and it’s effect due to my unfamiliarity with JFDLC (big thanks to Lacs and ExplosiveWatermelon, you gals rock), but beyond starting a Golden Age immediately it increases the max sovereignty of a civ by 10% and unlocks (perhaps immediately switches as well, not sure) the HRE government type. As amazing as that would be for lore, my investigation suggests this government type is focused around city state friends and allies, so perhaps not the greatest CBR match.

24: The Emperor's New Resort

The Incan Polynesian Dominian continues to be an impressive sight, especially Tumebamba on 17 population; although I do have to wonder about the real productive capability of all of these cities, much like Brandenburg earlier. The good spots must be drying up quick at this point, as I suspect Wiradjuri is imminently plopping down another city in the top-right of this pic, while Tupac rushes out a further settler to go somewhere, anywhere.

25: Moses de Timor

Timorese society and the wider Arian religious community is currently enraptured in passion or virulent arguments about the esoteric and mystical writings of Moses de Leon, who claims to simply be repeating the lost words of former prophets (to the scepticism of many critics), but regardless of support has somewhat undeniably kickstarted a vigorous new branch of Arianism, known as Timballah, and new followers with it.

Putting aside my great people fanfictions, Timor-Leste continues to astound in comparison to expectations, although some new activity wouldn’t go amiss, especially as their neighbour Indonesia wakes up. Sometime during the last part Gusmao quietly settled a new city, Pante Macassar, and it looks like they have another settler going somewhere, which is at least some forward momentum.

26: Good Job, Agent

After 40 years of speculation on the sub, a ragged courier is picked up by an expert team of mountaineers, who chart a treacherous path through the Forbidden Mountains and the Lake of Frigid Doom protecting the existence of the Sub from external threat. About half the team survives the trek, but more importantly, the report is delivered.

Agent Semiramis has discovered the shocking news that… Bumin Qaghan is apparently a bit of a dunce and totally thinks his empire could beat up Alli Rani’s empire. The report is burned and never spoken of again.

27: The Afghan Asset

Unsurprisingly, Semiramis was ‘recommended’ to move on from the frostbitten hellhole of Gaochang fairly soon after this report arrived. The sub soon received confirmation she was positioned in one of Afghanistan’s important Himalayan positions, Sheberghan. In a position so much more connected, surely juicer intel awaits the sub!

This shot also offers a partial view of the much anticipated World vs Han War, an international development that sparked plenty of anticipation at the end of last part, but really seems to not have gone much anywhere, at least from what’s visible here, in one of Wu’s weakest areas. I’d wait for a better view before making full judgements, but at present, some minor peppering of Zhuoxian is not going to cut it.

28: The Great Declarer

Now here’s another proper war declaration! With the Anglo-Norse deployments around Lundenburh depleted quite a bit by Yugoslavia’s intermittent raiding; Frederick-William I has chosen a wise time to strike a target that admittedly a civ of his status should probably have taken a long time ago. As in, it was genuinely a forward settle on Berlin’s doorstep; if Brandenburg somehow stalls this we may have to start placing doubts about their military acumen.

29: Heart of Chadness

As Idriss Deby finalises a fairly pointless war with Castille, we get a good look at the totality of his military dictatorship, and it is of pretty high quality compared to many of his competitors: mostly centralised and boasting one of the better carpets seen this part. A few tech upgrades wouldn’t go amiss at this point maybe, but one can understand Chad’s high estimation by us observers. They do have an issue in terms of a lack of great expansion options, at least in my view: Egypt would connect up Fada, but otherwise be a slog and only offers one city; Angola has some exposed Western cities but is a better foe and has defensive terrain; Uganda has already been shown as an even worse terrain slog, even if they probably could overwhelm Amin to victory in the end. The stats sheet shows Chad researching pikemen as of this parts start, so this army should look a bit more current soon, but still, pikemen are less of a marvel now and more something I’d expect for a high ranked civ.

Beyond Chad, Yemen on the right looks fairly healthy, and it seems Prince Sihanouk of Cambodia heard about a growing diplomatic joke spreading through halls of power, and decided that this whole ‘Furthermore, Kilwa must be destroyed thing’ was lame, not going to catch on, and that his tired nation wants no part in it, making peace with Kilwa. Surely such a trendmaker as Sihanouk is right here?

Civs at war with Kilwa: 4

30: MENDOZAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Mendoza is put to the flame, hopefully only for a moment but perhaps permanently, as Chile’s mixed fleet/army combo effectively worked its magic. To my understanding, that leaves Jose with one further city on South Georgia Island and their diamond shaped 4 city core. How many more bites will be taken out of this dwindling empire? The Incan contribution to the war seems to have faltered, but Brazil and Chile seem to have succeeded in sinking much of the once impressive Home Fleet outside Catamarca and Buenos Aires; and a focused push by Allende could definitely achieve the capture of Tucuman at least.

31: More Papua, More Problems

Wiradjuri did place that settler where we last saw it, adding more of the Solomon Islands to their Pacific possessions. Another settler is embarked and heading to Papua, so I’m sure this won’t be the last addition. I would be slightly worried, were I Windradyne, about the lingering Incan navy just above these communities; it would be an unsuccessful attack in the long run, but still a relevant threat.

32: Caribbean Consolidations

Olinda falls, perhaps even faster than I initially expected but ultimately to no surprise. With plenty of ships remaining, and the Tundama canal (which I forget if someone noted) ensuring naval production on both sides of the continent can be combined, the question is when Muisca will feel it has the strength and advantage to attack either of its neighbours to the north? The Caribbean empire America has crafted isn’t overly defended, but war with FDR risks waking a sleeping giant in terms of forces and productive capabilities back in North America; whilst Central America has been a write-off of a civ since the early episodes, but has a half-decent carpet as a decent shield. I’d take a risk on the latter, especially if Nemequene built a few more Guecha’s, but time to rebuild strength is hardly the worst option.

Oh hey, Morazon founded a fourth city, woooaaahhh!

33: Spot the Differences

I did a side-by-side comparison of this shot and the earlier Malolos siege slide, and it is remarkable how little progress has gone on. A few more Filipino units are gone, a tiny sliver of city health has depleted, the Wiradjuri contribution has largely collapsed, and that’s about your lot. Even Pasig remains in the black due to bowmen battering it from Luzon (although I must wonder if they’d be better utilised attacking Indonesian triremes at this point). To be clear, the outlook is still bleak for Aguinaldo; they have no chance to expand again and any attacker getting Galleases or simply landing a real force on Luzon would spell doom in the long run, but if they can last until a peace they may achieve some respite.

34: King Vsevolod’s Retinue

Vladimir continues to vex me in terms of analysing their potential. They’re not a rump by any means, but they are undeniably trapped. They took a city off of a major player, but is that really representative of their abilities considering the geography? Will they ever make the production push to have an army able to take the attack to Kyiv or even one of their greater neighbours? Or are they a paper castle Lithuania’s passiveness has prevented from blowing down so far?

I can’t really answer any of these confidently, but I can tell you they have just finished Civil Service, based on both the pikeman they now have, and more notably their UU, the Prince’s Retinue, sitting by the Permian border. Much like the Muisca UU, this is a Longswordsman replacement that costs no iron and gets extra XP (based this time of the number of Great Writings in the spawn city, so not much given Vladimir gains 2 tourism a turn), but also comes earlier in the tech tree and has a trade-off of being 3 combat strength weaker than the regular unit.

35: A Han Stand

Considering the decent amount of clamour about Han and the wars they entered, from this perspective it is looking fairly sleepy, I must say. Maybe the northern frontier with Tuva is more action-packed, but from here Kokang’s efforts look half-hearted at best. Rumour is the commanding general, Jose E. Diaz, often falls into depressive spirals, wishing he had been born in another place and another world, somewhere equally jungle-strewn but more… Paraguayan… whatever that word means. Poor bloke.

This view does give a decent view of the many UI Poppy fields Kokang has placed, those little circular things that scatter the landscape of Yang’s lands. In case no-one has explained these before, they’re a fun feature that adds spawns an Opium resource for every one you build and boost the tile food and gold by 1 (more available through city states, but obviously that’s not a factor here), but remove all other yields.

36: Anger Around Angola

Ah, a view of surrounded Saurimo, in contention for the cheekiest founding of a city in CBR history. The fact Mali hasn’t moved on it speaks volumes for their character in this game, and I doubt Angola’s army of workers outside Lobito could do much to stop it (seriously, that’s a needless amount of workers, what a production sink).

37: Turtle Longships

I was as baffled as you, dear viewer, when I saw the total stagnation of Brandenburgs assault on Lundenburh. It’s literally on your capitals doorstep, you’re a military civ with a tech advantage, what is the deal here?! Certainly Canute can’t be the source of this defensive genius based on his effectiveness so far, right? No, of course not, but his patronage of arguably the greatest admiral in IRL history may explain it! If I needed to defend my naval-oriented kingdom against overwhelming odds, there’s no one I’d rather have at my side that Yi Sun-Sin: Korean national hero, undefeated battler of Japanese invasion forces, re-inventor of the Turtle Ship and general historical badass. I’m just imagining Viking longships clad in as many shields as possible, turning back the pushes Brandenburg attempts in the Baltic. I suspect Brandenburg can easily regroup on land, aided by shiny new longswordsmen, and push into Canutes capital, but hey, for now this is an astounding position.

Hell, morale is so high in Lundenburh that Canute decides to indulge in some humour. At the end of a passionate speech lauding the defence of their homeland, as the crowds roar and expect some patriotic slogan to finish it off, Canute raises his arms over his head and declares “Furthermore, Kilwa MUST be destroyed!!”. Despite it being a total non-sequitur, and extra war being the last thing needed right now,it is deemed hilarious among a populace desperate for relief. Who knew phrases could travel continents like this with so much ease?!

Civs at war with Kilwa: 5

38: El Estancamiento

Another angle of South America gives a more current view of Rio de la Plata’s northern front; which I’d describe as being in an unstable hold. Once again it’s apparent how much Tupac’s focus on a Kayapo war that’s going nowhere has saved San Martin’s skin; that army around Machu could do some good work on the flatlands on La Rioja if they bothered moving forward, yet they plough into the Amazon instead. Brazils decision to hand over Sao Salvador so long ago is definitely biting them as well, forcing Brazil to try an embarkation campaign to get at Catamarca which will likely not work well, beyond keeping the blue armies thin.

39: The Cork Wall

Spurts of red and green numbers display the degree of violence that has gone down between the Irish and Castilian navies (plus I suspect many an unfortunate embarked Jinete UU) in the Bay of Biscay, which has gone a long way to securing Oviedo’s strength. It’s long been said in IRL history that the British Navy worked as a wooden wall against the continent; and you can see the same mechanics in progress here.

40: Conquistadoring Catamarca

Pedro Menendez de Aviles, a migrant from Castille, is really more of a logistics and convoy expert, but has turned his attention quite well to naval sieging as well. I suppose it’s all just a matter of getting your ships into ports, the only difference being whether they’re your ports or your enemies. With two tiles of city access and a good amount of composite bowmen lining the shores, this attack on Catamarca may peter out without further investment however. Worth keeping an eye on for sure.

41: We’re all very impressed, Raoni

In a stocking swerve, it turns out rather than building troops to defend his lands in his capital, Raoni Metuktire has been investing time into a wonder! I suppose a mild defence in this case is that Kayapo’s high population has left their happiness continually low or even negative in the past, so that 10 happiness from Notre Dame is at least not wasted, but still, very much playing to type there.

Just to pad out this slide and to remind y’all, that UU currently sat next to Kremoro you’ve likely spotted around Kayapo lands throughout the game is unfortunately not able to help their military woes, being the Benadioro, a Great Merchant replacement that can be spent to buff tourism (likely helping explain Kayapo’s 48 tourism, how helpful) or build a custom house without removing the nature underneath, helping keep the Amazon up, and with it all of Kayapo’s jungle bonuses.

42: The Lonesome Plains

A full view of the Arapaho core confirms suspicions from the earlier slide of America that these lands are well-built, but worryingly devoid of troops in large part, especially beyond the Rockies. I doubt this is from a lack of production, especially since they have a bizarrely decent navy in the Gulf of Mexico, but just a lack of prioritization that sends a slight red flag in this Mediaeval age of bloodshed. Perhaps looking to boost their credentials, Pretty Nose has piled in on Rio de la Plata, but from a continent away I doubt this will see any violence at all, save maybe an unlucky scout perhaps.

43: Prime Mountainside Property

I guess Poundmaker felt he should never be one-upped by his southern neighbour, as the Cree join in on the Rio de la Plata coalition.

On the slide itself, Afghanistan has added another great spot to their empire, an outpost in the centre of the Himalayas called Farah. Given this Afghanistan's central UA concept is that enemy units take damage within their borders when on hills or next to mountains, the value of a settlement like this should be clear, especially when placed besides two key rivals in Kokang and Bengal. Meanwhile, Han’s resistance against Tuva and Kokang seems to be continuing swimmingly, and they may even be trying to take the fight to Tuva in a push on Samagaltay.

44: Peace in some of our Times

As the notification board shows, Allende has taken a merciful stance and made peace with Jose de San Martin, concluding a war that came as a surprise to many of us but has proven an unmitigated victory for Chile. While none of the cities taken were major, before this war the Southern Cone of South America was a bit of a hodgepodge between Rio de la Plata and Chile, making logistics a mess and regional supremacy unclear. The boundaries and balance of power between the two is now very clear, and Chile can transport their forces cleanly between the Pacific and Atlantic coasts.

At his office in Santiago de Chile, Salvador Allende does have a bit of a problem however. This war has been great for national morale and kickstarting a military-industrial complex enriching them all; without warfare will they slip once again into a pacifist slumber? He needs a new war, something the people will like as well; but against who? Tired, he sits back with a manuscript of the latest diplomatic reports as well as cultural developments, when he reads of two faraway nations, Yemen and the Anglo-Norse, declaring war on another nation, Kilwa, based purely on a joke that amused their people. Hell, scratch that, apparently Isabella repeated the line as well and joined in! With inspiration in his head, Salvador begins writing a celebratory speech with the last line decided first: “Furthermore, Kilwa must be destroyed!”

Civs at war with Kilwa: 7

45: Want a Sandwich Island?

A pan slightly to the Southeast confirms that of all the Rio de la Plata colonies, Chile didn’t get South Georgia and the Sandwich Islands. Some might credit this defence to the Admiral stationed in Mizque, Dragut, who seems to have defended his post with a fishing boat for a navy alone. Truly deserving of the epithet “the uncrowned king of the South Georgia and Southern Sandwich Islands”!

46: Is this meme getting stale?

Kilwa and Pandya, both being denizens of the Indian Ocean at heart, are no strangers to each other as civs. I probably also don’t have to remind you that familiarity can breed contempt, and scuffling over naval access and shipping rights remained a common feature of diplomacy between the two. So, when an opportunity like this arrives on your doorstep to declare war on your rival with seemingly no necessary reason, just ‘for a laugh’, can you blame Alli Rani for trying it when she read of Ireland, even bloody Ireland, joining in on the ‘Kilwa Destruction Movement’. She didn’t really get why it was so important she ‘say the line’ to do it, or why no one laughed when she left of the ‘Furthermore’ part (apparently it was felt she ‘disrespected the joke’) but who cared?! They were at war now and Kilwa would pay for blocking her view of a meaningless stretch of ocean with their trireme!

Civs at war with Kilwa: 9

47: The Tuvan Tide

Right, this is why it’s good to have a full perspective of war fronts before judging them. From this angle, the Tuvan war machine is much more visible, with a healthy mix of unit types that I feel should easily be battering down the gates of Chengdu and Qarakhoja. The problem being that so far, they haven’t. Maybe Wu of Han is throwing just enough units and production at the border to hold back the amassing army; or maybe whatever blessings of protection Qocho made to survive so long persist in Qarakhoja. Whatever the case, Han has held on so far, let’s see if they can keep to that.

In the anxious capital, the expressive painter Maarten Van Heemskerck is planning a grand trip to Kayapo, mesmerised with the idea of painting ancient world wonders. At the same time, Nemequene of the Muisca decides to be a transcontinental adopter of the popular ‘Furthermore, Kilwa must be destroyed’ meme, revelling in the adoration of his people from his golden palace.

Civs at war with Kilwa: 10

48: Sickly Nisichawayasihk

Recall that Cree settler early on in the episode, who could either settle safely inland or try to resettle Tsaxis in a warzone? They chose the second option, and predictably sit at half health within their first turns as a town. The fact that Pretty Nose settled a city next door that is perfectly safe and would slot in nicely with the Cree lands is even more ironic in this context. That could have been you, Poundmaker, that could have been you.

Over in Asia, Aguinaldo makes a play for international adulation and solidarity by joining in on the Kilwa craze, for as little as that means.

Civs at war with Kilwa: 11

49: Debrief Time

The command crew of the Sub, headed up by the great, troubled immortal victors of CBR’s past, wait in silence as a report from Agent Semiramis is expected imminently. These people more than anyone understand the importance of keeping an eye on the frontrunners, and especially hope to understand them well in the event they actually win (you do NOT want to get Pedro and Lawtiliwadlin started on the topic of what temperature setting is comfortable for a lounge), and this Durrani fellow seems a decent pick for success at this stage. What machinations of his mind will be revealed by this report?

The courier hands it to Lawtiliwadlin, who reads it quickly, stone faced. He passes it silently to Abd-ar-Rahman III, who passes it to Pedro, and finally it is passed to Nebucadnezzar. It is a short note from Durrani to his head speechwriter; “Saw Gusmao’s version of the Kilwa meme and ROFL-ed. Can you write me some hilarious new version of ‘Furthermore, Kilwa must be destroyed’? I can handle the military prep, I just really want to get the folks laughing”. The report falls from Nebby’s hands, and he sighs.

Civs at war with Kilwa: 12

50: I used to be somebody!

Here’s a good shot of our former number 1 ranked civ, the Permians, which does a good amount of work to explaining the difficulty of placing them. On the one hand, they settled plenty of land early and have, on the surface at least, plenty of troops fielded. However, a closer look reveals that carpet is quite threadbare in places and isn’t really on the cutting edge a top tier player should probably possess. In particular, the donut-hole in the centre of their empire, currently squatted on by an odd Lithuanian expedition, catches my notice.

51: Ooooo, Government Info!

A quick check of the last section of the government screen reveals no changes from last episode besides Vladimir being dominated by the bourgeoisie rather than the clergy, but is probably here mostly to note that Dictator Windradyne now fashions himself as ‘the Crusader’. Sure mate, you tell yourself that.

52: Settling the Pacific almost makes you wish for a Nuclear Winter

A return to this view of the Hawaiian Islands shows that both the Mohave and Mori indeed utilised those settlers in a timely fashion. It’s nice to see Japan actually settled by the civ there, isn’t it?

53: The Width of Wu

Unless I’m missing something, this slide seems fairly reminiscent of just six slides ago, so I’m not too sure what to add. The Kokang push has collapsed a bit more, Tuve still looks terrifying without actually hurting any cities, and I’m still personally rooting for a Han victory, at least against Tuva. I suppose this shot does at least do well at showing off the pleasing breadth of Han China, from Manchurian Chenxian to Xianping as the tip of the Western frontier.

54: The Juju Conference

On neutral Juju Island, Mori Motonari and Kim Il-Sung once again meet alongside their envoys to ‘discuss continual peace and reparations’; a flimsy facade for ‘shout at each other and maintain national pride’. It was frankly tiring for both of them at this point, but centuries of conflict between the Mori and North Koreans demanded such belligerence.

So, when Kim Il-Sung stood up in the middle of a particularly dreary session and declared “Furthermore, Kilwa should be destroyed”, his entire diplomatic corps stood up and laughed, some out of genuine humour and some for fear of his reputation if they didn’t; while Mori lunged forward over his table and accused “You stole my bit, I was totally going to say that first”. This prompted a whole new diplomatic row, and an early dissolution to the conference.

Civs at war with Kilwa: 14

55: Tundra Jocks

As someone who puts perhaps a bit too much focus on the stats sheet, I’ve long been skeptical of the Gokturks chances of long-term victory in spite of their grand manpower figures, if just due to their infamously low science generation for a top ranked player. Perhaps it’s been slightly overstated in many ways, but to me they definitely feel like a constrained civ here; lots of potential energy but no direction. A declaration of war on Khazaria half a continent away is unlikely to provide one, by the way.

To the immediate East, Shakushain of the Ainu must have received word of the Juju Conference and felt left out, as he half-heartedly forces the Kilwa meme into a state address to declare war.

Civs at war with Kilwa: 15

56: Dhow it your own Way

Speak of the devil, it is about time we checked up on Kilwa, whose Foreign Office officials are assuredly very frustrated with the world for ruining their built-up ties over a 5 word sentence that wasn’t even that funny! The news that two more civs, The Kwakwaka’wakw and Massagetae, have joined in on the meme probably hasn’t brightened their day, nor the fact that Yemen seems to have a genuine force building up to the north.

Perhaps in response to the declarations, a naval investment program has clearly commenced; with melee ships either being bulked up from triremes into carracks, or in a unique expression of Swahili culture, becoming Dhows. To clarify, Dhows are Kilwa’s UU Caravel, and unfortunately are designed around the premise of faraway exploration more than combat next door: being cheaper to produce, getting an extra movement point, starting with the Supply promotion (can heal outside borders), but in return lose 4 combat strength.

Civs at war with Kilwa: 17

57: Sieging the day away

As turn 186 rolls around, decent progress has been made on the Malolos front, with the composite bowmen on the south of Luzon whittled away, a pikeman landed, and Indonesia seemingly committed with spare triremes to the taking of Aguinaldo’s capital. That being said, I wouldn’t say the fight is over for certain, and moves such as the building of a trireme in Malolos itself will definitely help; but the clock is slowly ticking for the Philippines if they can’t negotiate a peace deal in time.

In other news, at the bottom of the slide you can spot a new Timor-Leste city on Sulawesi's north coast, if I’m reading the geography right. Durrani makes good on his reported desire to commit to the Kilwa meme, supposedly doing so in a high quality musical remix fashion that has truly advanced the cultural field. Morazon of Central America also declares, while the Inca and Kayapo finally make peace, which may open up new focus on the war with Rio de la Plata.

Civs at war with Kilwa: 19

58: The Revised Rihla

In breaking news, Phnom Penh has actually taken a sliver of damage! Given the Kokang invasion's current positioning, I suspect this is as much damage as we’ll see for a while, unless they can better converge on the Cambodian position, which so far they have failed to achieve in any major way.

Just south of Cambodia, the Great Merchant (but really more Great Traveller) Ibn Battuta is on the move as always, compiling his library of experiences into a seminal piece of travel literature and historical accounting very much in line with Indonesian culture, officially titled “A Masterpiece to Those Who Contemplate the Wonders of Oceans and the Marvels of Travelling”, but informally just called the ‘Rihla’.

59: Losses of your own Creation

As could be expected, the Kwakwaka’wakw manage to capture the foolish settle Cree lay down for them; and as an extra middle finger have even staffed it with an iconic Hamatsa Dancer, dancing over the graves of the garrison. Poundmaker definitely has enough forces nearby to take the city back, but it never does well to assume competence in matters such as this, and regardless would just permit a flip back.

60: Born a tad too early…

On the road from Vilcashuaman to Ollantaytambo, I imagine Andre Truong Trong Thi must be stewing in a familiar state of general dissatisfaction with life. He’ll go down in the Incan pantheon of genius machine constructors, and could end up setting up a manufacturing compound that lasts long after he’s gone, or perhaps oversee a special project for the government. But much like Diaz earlier, Thi must feel he was born in the wrong moment, albeit more time than place. Some age with more advanced materials than stone and wood, and perhaps even some otherworldly ‘spark’ that powered everything… Hey, at least he won’t be going to the Kayapo frontline anymore!

61: A New Challenger Approaches

In the first moment of impact for the Kilwa Destruction Movement beyond the death of a random trireme or scout, Yemen have broken the script of the Mbarara war by flipping Kilwa’s flip! Given Yemen remains at peace with Uganda, and actually has a navy to combat Kilwas (less advanced, but fresh and larger), the end result of all Mbarara’s conquests could fittingly be neither of it’s primary civs in the end; although let’s see if Kilwa can flip it back first (I’m not sure whether those triremes outside the city are Panyan, in which case they’re actively fighting Swahili reinforcements, or Zulu, in which case they’re just peacekeeping).

62: A Twist of the Bolt

Putting aside a war with America that is unlikely to bloom into anything, Kayapo finally has the peace I suspect it prefers to vibe within. Of course, because nothing can be simple with Kayapo, they pull an ironic twist for us viewers by finishing research on Machinery, and as such being the first civ I’ve noticed to field Crossbowmen, just as they do so. Alongside the trebuchet in Kuben-Kran-Kren (I think I’ve noticed some already, but still state of the art tech), they have a peak Mediaeval army when it comes to ranged, the moment they can’t defend with it.

On the other side of the peace deal, the Inca have no excuse now to not go all in on La Rioja, a capture which would also really help connect Sao Salvador into their lands properly. Come on Tupac, rock their world!

63: Cruising in Uncertain Weather

Huh, I should have checked ahead a slide, as America also signs a peace agreement with Kayapo, leaving Raoni in perfect peace. The Caribbean in general is in a lull of action, formally divided between the two regional powers of America, who hold the prime property; and Muisca, who currently have the more impressive navy. Any war between the two would be a major contestation with the potential for ultimate ownership of the region to be decided (ignore that half of Cuba Morazon owns), although I’d be advising both sides to invest in more modern naval tech first.

64: Old Trustworthy Savimbi

Angola has adopted its first proper government, and in what might be a surprising move to Savimbi’s many critics, a Republic is the path he’s chosen! Is this a genuine belief in liberty, or merely a facade for elite rule while the poorer citizens continue mining out blood diamonds? You decide, OC creators! Whatever the case, Angola continues to look like a fairly strong, if not exceptional, wide empire with plenty of mid-sized cities and an army which feels underused, especially when he holds knights, longswordsmen, and even a crossbowman now (up near the Chad border)! Can’t wait to discover who officially got Machinery first after the episode goes up!

65: Maligned Marrakech

You hate to see a city like Marrakech get done like that, right? I feel like Castille really needs to give up on reclaiming Oviedo at this point, and turn their land army advantage onto Tetouan, even if it’s bound to be a flipfest afterwards, just to gain themselves a hint of momentum. Needless to say, Ireland has won the war at sea through the power of persistent reinforcement; although the biggest winner is probably future historians exploring the many, many shipwrecks that dot the Bay of Biscay. The Anglo-Dutch are present too…

66: Seriously, do look him up on Wikipedia if you like the sound of that

Darn, we moved away from that scene a second too early, just missing a coalition of mediocrity start up (sorry if I’m being too harsh, I’m actually a fan of the Anglo-Dutch, just stating facts) as William III and Canute decide Sayyida al-Hurra needs to go! I really don’t see this war achieving much, even on the Anglo-Dutch border with Marrakech, not unless Tetouan decides to go far harder on the Anglo-Dutch than is reasonable and bringing much of their African army over, which even then would just invite more losses.

On this slide itself, not much is happening on Aotearoa in terms of major game relevance, although Otto Wagner is doing some very forward thinking Art-Nouveau-esque architecture which I heartily recommend you look up, if you’re into that.

67: Outlining the Outback

On the other side of Wherowhero’s lands, a new settlement has been founded, exactly as ExplosiveWatermelon predicted last part a slight bit inland. In terms of Australian terrain, it makes sense to hover up these few bits of forest and grassland, although I do also have to worry about the security of these settlements if Wiradjuri turns their attention towards them. Sure, the city in Tasmania would probably be lost in turn, but that transaction isn’t too bad for uniting much more of your home island. In the north, Yolngu continue looking too weak to do anything impressive, yet too strong for Wiradjuri to take. What a conundrum.

68: The Shogun of Brandenburg

Frederick-William I has planned out a procession of his tallest soldiers (only a third of which had to be semi-kidnapped!) to celebrate the unveiling of the newest, and most unique, Castle to grace Berlin. Inspired by the boasts of a particularly lie-prone Mori diplomat about his homeland, I’d put it as of the most CBR-appropriate wonder you can grab, especially when you’re in a dense region like Europe fighting literally on your doorstep. As a reminder, Himeji Castle’s key feature is a +15% for units in your territory (with a free castle and some minor yields as a bonus), so very much an ideal grab for Brandenburg, but also any civ in this game. Considering Brandenburg also picked up the Great Wall, they are approaching Afghanistan levels of defensive buffs.

69: Not Quite Lepanto

The news from the Malolos front shows it once again in a state of stagnation for Indonesia, despite the best efforts of Don John of Austria, who really wished he had those galleases so many civs around the world seemed to have. Man, if he had those, Don John though, he could truly do something amazing, he sweared it (don’t get him started on the topic, or Turkey in general, he’s weird about them). I suspect the lull in city damage relates to the Philippines getting a ship between their western sea tile and the Indonesian fleet, although it seems Indonesia is sending in a composite bowman to assist their pikeman, and Wiradjuri returning hasn’t helped either. I do think Malolos will still far in the long run without peace, but can’t say if that’ll be by the end of this part or not.

70: The Haida would never have stood for this

The shambolic Cree-Kwakwaka’wakw war continues on that theme as Poundmaker seizes back their city, but I fully expect Willie to return the favour soon enough. More interestingly perhaps is the army movement against Mani-Utenam in the Yukon; perhaps a bit too little to succeed, but the sheer chance of it happening is exciting. As many others have discussed, ultimately far too much has been meatgrinded in this war by both sides, although I’d say Cree is the bigger loser of the two when the potential of what they could otherwise be doing with all these dead units is considered. Hell, the Arapaho capital doesn’t look all that defended, no matter what the stats sheet claims.

You have to keep laughing at the Mohave, no matter how much you support them, for continuing to run triremes at the California coast and being confused at the lack of city to attack, instead just getting helplessly peppered from inland ranged attacks. Ha. Ha. Ha.

71: Durrani has some cult taste

Yep, Afghanistan’s core still looks nice and impressive. I wonder if they’ve actually sent any military to try and reach Kilwa? Looks like they may also settle another city or two on their frontiers, or at least that is what would make sense.

Internally, Durrani has become a patron of a dynamic new weaver of stagecraft, known for his blunt but realistic and human portrayal of society's underbelly, with his magnum opus, ‘This is Afghanistan’, set to wow audiences forevermore

72: Cornering that Black Sea Trade

Two wonders constructed essentially at once, oh boy! I’ll move on to Timor-Leste’s wonder in a decent few slides when we get a better view of it; but right here we have Turkey building the Grand Canal… on a Black Sea city with no canal city… oh dear…

To clarify, the Grand Canal (as in the major artery of Venice IRL) is a trade wonder that provides you with a couple of Great Merchant points and critically boosts the gold output of trade routes both to and from this city (+3 for you, +2 for foreign civs). So, it can very much boost your gold output should you place it in your key commercial city, especially since it incentivises the AI to trade with it over civs cities. However, I suspect Bursa, located around IRL Georgia, is really not that key trade hub, minimising the slight utility of this gold-focused wonder in the CBR even further. Well, at least now in the lorebook there’s a cool canal city on the Black Sea I suppose!

73: The Terrifying Tinglid

The anticipation for espionage reports really died down after that Durrani memo, so the chief members of the sub were a lot less crushed when Agent Semiramis, reporting now from the northern city of Klaipeda in Lithuania, shared her best intel that Gediminas’s hostility was currently aimed at Tetouan of all civs. Maybe he wanted to show solidarity with his Anglo-Norse neighbour? Or perhaps recruiting a former queen whose life understanding ended in the Classical era to be their chief spy wasn’t the best decision the sub has made in terms of gathering the best information?

Speaking of that neighbour, not only does Lundenburh somehow remain untouched in spite of being surrounded and in range of a trebuchet (I am serious, Brandenburg’s war record is starting to really undermine my sense of threat from them), Canute has managed to reach one of his UU’s, the Tinglid, one being currently next to Ribe. This replaces the pikeman, and unfortunately boasts no real direct combat buffs, which would be lovely for the Anglo-Norse in their protection of the homeland. Instead, the Tinglid is designed to reward conquering, one being spawned for free whenever you build a courthouse, and additionally produces Great General or Admiral points when garrisoned in conquered or founded cities respectively. As such, Canute can only really get some extra Great Admiral points from them in his present condition, but something is still better than nothing.

74: HEL > SYD Flights Sound Fun

The Sub offers a pathway to mysterious and exotic technology, or at least that’s how I explain Agent Semiramis getting transported to the Maori city of Taumaranui within an instant. Perhaps soon we will receive great insights into the real balance of power in the Oceania region (cautious optimism is a great approach to life, I find).

75: A Belated Advance

Lin Biao may not be my choice for best politician, but he clearly knows a thing or two about conducting warfare as he directs the campaign and further recruitment from a base near Cottbus. A scene like this is more what I expected within 3 turns of the war being declared, but still, the city is now smothered on all sides but the sea and actually getting attacked. The risk of Tito pulling a Chilean Backdoor Squad via horseman once the city gets low enough on healthy does remain, but can be ignored for now given the numbers. Can Freddy-Will turn that early stall into an elimination of the Anglo-Norse and restore part of his militant reputation?!

76: Ancient Avant-Garde Attractions

In Galway, a striking new gallery is attracting a radical hip crowd with its artworks combining everyday cultural icons with outlandish, almost mechanical, presentation styles. Its director and head contributor, Andy Warhol, calls it ‘The Workshop’, and given this is still the Mediaeval art world, you have to wonder what bizarre creations reside there. Perhaps he’s even responsible for the odd floating sea-wheat off the coast north of Galway? He gets a lot of buzz from the more affluent residents of Baltimore, it must be noted.

Beyond Ireland, Brandenburg continues their settling… Spree. Wait, I already used that joke, darn it! Ahum, I guess you could say their settlers like the Essen-ce of the place… You know what, just ignore this paragraph.

77: Is the CBR Relevant to Current Affairs?

In a frontier department of Chile, protesters storm a government keep and trash the place, sparking a small full-blown insurrection for the army to put down. Are they truly independent fighters for freedom, disdainful of the years of warfare with Rio de la Plata? Are they planted agents of the USA, as Allende’s office claims, sent to foolishly try and supplant his rule despite a lack of public desire for change? Or, as some whisper, are they just idiots who thought they were trashing the capital despite being in a small mining town in reality? Whatever the case, they signify the existence of some happiness problems for Allende following their conquests, but likely nothing out of solvable reach.

The Incan war effort, on the other hand, has fallen apart for now based in the old AI issue of splitting forces when there are multiple close cities to attack. What a shame, but at least Tupac now fields a secret weapon, his longswordsman replacement, the Chaska Chaqui. This UU needs no iron (a running theme with longswordsman UU’s), has extra movement, is stronger the further it goes from the Inca capital, and finally automatically connects any coastal city it captures. I don’t know how far it has to get for the bonus strength to mount up, but I’d say this ranks as one of the better UU’s seen today.

78: Dazzling Dili

Here’s that wonder slide for Timor-Leste promised earlier, showing off the Great Mosque of Damascus, as well as just some fun details on their capital of Dili in general. Man those coast yields are near pornographic, and it doesn’t even have a seaport yet! Anyway, as you can see on the screen, the wonder itself has some slight science benefits, but mostly exists to offer the unique Caliphate government type (again, I’m uncertain whether they automatically become that government upon the wonders completion, or if it’s simply an option now). Unfortunately, I can’t actually find any specifics on the mechanics of the Caliphate government type, but I’d wager it either helps in spreading your faith, or rewards you for spreading your faith (a crucial distinction); so either way Timorese Arianism is sure to be a Cylinder mainstay.

Oh, as for the sidebar content, Canute gets a hint of relief as Tito backs off from Lundenburh for some reason; and Ataturk says the line about Kilwa to polite chuckling, more out of recognition of the ritual than genuine amusement. Man it’s been a while since a declaration, must be getting pretty stale by now, huh?

Civs at war with Kilwa: 20

79: Insert Filler Title Here

Perhaps I’m missing something, but I’m truly not sure what to remark on here given we had a very similar perspective just 3 slides back. Hell, I don’t even think every civ here has moved. I suppose the showrunners felt the Angolan-Kyiv war was just that important to the CBR plotline (don’t let anyone else know, but this is all very much scripted, William III is Coiot’s nephew and has this in the bag).

80: A Biography of Bem

Not too sure where the damage on Tegdaoust has emerged, unless I’ve overlooked a much more relevant war I’ll assume a stray Anglo-Dutch or Anglo-Norse (amazed I didn’t pick up on the Anglo coalition aspect earlier) ship rammed the city to their doom. Do correct me if my tired mind has entirely overlooked a big ongoing war for Tetouan. In any case, I’m sure Jozef Bem - in our dimension an interesting case of the 19th century wandering national liberator, fighting first for his Polish homelands freedom before fighting for Hungarian freedom then working for the Ottomans as a governor - has the repairs well in hand. Fun fact, he tried to join up with Dom Pedro I (AKA our Brazil leader) in his liberal side of the Portuguese Civil War in 1833, but couldn’t find enough support to form a Polish Legion in it, so gave up.

81: Shut the Door

A front in the Han Crisis which really feels like it should have been major is shut off and Olive Yang and Wu of Han agree to peace terms. I don’t see any foolish handovers on here or the minimap, so I think the greatest cost of this dyadic war was the time spent on this community's speculation, to be frank.

Kokang seems to have a mixed blessing when it comes to their borders geography: no one can penetrate their territory, but equally they struggle to pierce beyond it also, even for under-defended outposts like Zhuoxian. It’s lucky Olive Yang rolled plenty of expansion bias this time around, in any case.

82: Tech City

I do wonder exactly how a Kayapo Frank Miller in the late Medieval era ply’s his trade. I’m imagining those beautiful monk-made bibles full of illustrious calligraphy and decoration, but full of ultraviolence instead (for those unaware, Frank Miller is a key comic book figure, known for his darker noirish style and violence, when let loose, alongside a somewhat controversial personal history). In this world, does 300 tell the tale of a ragtag group of Pikemen heroically throwing their lives away to defend Bau from a gold-clad demonic Muisca army?

Amongst the sidebar content I feel the North Korean - Gokturk war ending is worth a mention, even if I frankly had zero idea it was ongoing despite their proximity, huh. I guess that one Han city does really prevent movement there.

83: Did Raoni even play the tutorial for this game?

The second wonder close-in shot of Kremoro in this episode has moved from religion with Notre Dame, to a more direct manifestation of Kayapo culture with the Globe Theatre. I’m sure that free Great Writer (whose identity seems sadly lost to an instant use) will really benefit your eventual world domination, Cathar Perfect Raoni the wise. I suppose it’s notable that Kayapo has the Printing Press tech. Perhaps I should issue a correction for my last slide, Kayapo is firmly in the Renaissance now.

84: The Former Location Scout was Fired

Ataturk must have decided sometime recently that Turkey should use it’s continent spanning position to become a key player in Cylindrical trade, as he doubles down on commerce wonders by building Stone Town (IRL the old town section of Zanzibar, so really this should be under Kilwa’s hands) in Memphis, a much more reasonable location for a trade hub that the Grand Canal ended up in. Stone Town provides two Great Merchant points, two extra trade route slots, and extends the possible range of routes from the wonder city by 50%, meaning traders from Cyprus can certainly reach anywhere in the Mediterranean and decently beyond as well. I’d additionally like to congratulate Ataturks fleet upgrading effort, the Eastern Med looks secure under Turkey for at least the moment (and considering the Norman debt crisis, probably forever).

85: The Caged Tiger

This viewpoint shows well how much one shared neighbour can prevent war from having any real impact, as Bengal declares war on the Ming, which will probably only really hurt the odd scouting ship or probing unit in Central Asia. Many, me included, have commented on the truly unique paradox Bengal presents: the definition of a caged tiger. On paper they’re a formidable player, but that paper is worthless when they lack any profitable expansion route beyond Pandya’s small empire, and even then that promises a slog. At least their possession of carracks now means they should have a decisive advantage on the naval front, should they sensibly choose that path.

86: An Era’s End

From his semi-nomadic camp retreat in Mombasa, Ali ibn al-Hassan drinks and commiserates with his Chancellor and economic reform, Wang Anshi. He can’t believe, really just is dumbfounded, that so much disruption and international hatred has emerged for seemingly no reason, simply because of one sentence his rival Arwa al-Sulayhi spoke in jest. It’s in this context that when a fatigued envoy burst into the chambers to deliver a crushing report that Deby had declared war on Kilwa also, the horde leader jumped up, yelled in joy and danced. “Sire, I fear you’ve misread the report” questioned the envoy, but Anshi chuckled and wagged his finger at the envoy in return. “It’s quite reasonable, you must understand. He didn’t say that stupid line when he declared war on us… the meme is dying!”

Lore aside, not a great slide for Kilwa, as it’s confirmed that Yemen has the fresh power to push out Swahili flips of Mbarara decisively, securing their grip on the Horn of Africa. The Chad war is unlikely to reach any city, but is another unwelcome distraction, like the ongoing pestering by Botswana. I do wonder what the situation is in Chad’s Saharan outpost, though?

Civs at war with Kilwa: 21

87: Mounting Maritimism

Themistocles is, as ever, advocating for his state to embrace their thalassocratic potential and build a navy ever better and stronger throughout the Greenlandic chain of North Atlantic islands and coast-hugging communities. Of course, this ambition runs into conflict with the economic ministers, who strenuously remind everyone of the Debt Centuries, but besides this point Hans Egede clearly has taken a shine to the politician and military man, appointing him as a Great Admiral. Honestly, I struggle to think of a better game plan for Greenland that an AI could handle than cranking out ships, given Brandenburg and America’s threat levels, so listening to the Athenian might be the game plan.

Vermont lurks off to the side. I wouldn’t mention the Green Mountain Civ, but I think they may be the only civ I haven’t mentioned yet, except perhaps Modoc or the Seminole, who I have just now. Don’t want to miss out on anyone’s favourite, right?!

88: Go go, Gorgo

I don’t want to call the protection of Lundenburh doomed, especially as Brandenburg’s propensity to mess up clear outcomes is well known, but the battle does seem to be trending in the direction of the Germans. Amongst the military command passionately battling the rising tide, a noble lady whose courage and wit inspires dormant vikings to reclaim their honour and fight even harder against the invaders, no matter the odds. Firm words, but what do they achieve against Berlin’s iron?

89: The Andes Trilogy

The celebrated director of the stage, Luchino Visconti, moves his troupe of actors from city to city preparing to write and direct another neorealist historical epic; all the while the history he depicts is made on the southern plains outside Tucuman. It seems the Inca have settled on attacking this city; which strikes me as a mistake compared to La Rioja, but really any sort of actual city damage at this point would be grand. As this episode nears its end, I really must apologise to anybody who entered this page clamouring to see cities fall in both Han and Rio de la Plata, which definitely seems to have been the central focus of debate. Well, in both cases the winner was apathy, whose UA beats all.

90: All's Well That Ends Well

We end on a final Great People highlight shot, one of my favourite varieties of slide, yipee! Devoid of cash, Robert Guiscard is paying Johan Christian Dahl in exposure for his many beautiful romantic landscapes of Southern Italy and it’s memorable architecture. Someday he hopes to scrounge up enough tips and donations to move to Turkey, where patrons actually pay their artists, but without the magic of donations websites (like, as a random example, https://ko-fi.com/coiot ) I fear he’ll die an romantic artists natural death of sickly poverty. How tragic.

And on that bit of historically-inspired shameless shilling, we’ve reached the end of this episode! I’ve been E_C_H, and I hope you’ve managed to stand wading through my waffling paragraphs, dumb lore and pathetic ‘jokes’ enough to enjoy your time here! Have a great day, wherever you are!

Episode 14: Furthermore, Kilwa Must Be Destroyed – S3

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