Civ Battle Royale ← Episode 14: Furthermore, Kilwa Must Be Destroyed Episode 16: Throw the dice and let’s see which head will roll →
Are you ready to send your army on an expedition into your neighbors lands without declaring war? Are you ready to look death in the eye? Do both in this episode of CBR X3!
Good morning Vietnam! Its ya kid, JDT1706, back at it again with another narration! This narration will truely be an episode of all time. There will be wars, there will be blood, there will be frustration at stupid lines of code, and there will be fun. So buckle up, and lets get rolling!
Our first OC comes from Orange, with her incredible American Dreams comic series.
And now, onto the now nearly mandatory lay of the land by Vihreaa!
Ko-ko-ko-ko Ko Fi! Thanks for the wonderful support y’all! Feel free to donate to Coiot to help keep the game going on!
None of the big dips in PR the previous episode were particularly interesting, so you get to see Tuva again, potentially for the last time for a while as Turkey continues to catch up. Even this week it was up to one ranker to decide who of the two would be #1.
Moving towards the first slide, we witness a soon-to-be-classic rivalry erupt. Kokang and Bengal engage in yet another war, which King Shuja-ud Din hopes to provide an avenue to escape Bengals increasingly shrunken position. Of course, the mighty Himalayas and the mountains of Myanmar will prevent much progress, save for the possible exception of the relatively undefended city of Chin Shwe Haw.
We get a brief look at the domains of the Ducklad domain, the merchant confederacy trying to stand toe to toe with a potential top 10 contender. Yodoya Tatsugoro has made a killing selling his wares in the war torn lands, while the Kwak continue to weather storm after storm of Cree legions. The Kwak have many regiments of their scout UU, and a good navy, but can they really stem the tide?
We take a gander to the land down under, where women glow and men thunder. Where early on we complained about Wiradjuri’s lack of interest in settling most of Australia, they’ve gotten their act together a bit in recent episodes. Still, it feels delayed, as Maori has a considerable swathe of some of the best land available ‘round these parts. And the worst part is, the Wiradjuri AI seems to be entirely incompetent when it comes to war, so I’m not holding my breath for a success story here.
Albrecht Altdolfer, a Catholic painter, lands his eyes upon the the grand capital of Santiago De Chile. Gaining renown for his brilliant landscapes and intricate symbolism, he gazes upon the peaceful city. Not far from him, he has heard of an invasion force failing to even dent the defenses of Tucumán. Perhaps one could draw inspiration from this monumental failure…
The Kwak successfully retake the city of Nisichawayasihk from the Cree invaders, initiated by a fleet of triremes and bolstered by a legion of Hamasta Dancers. Upon the cities recapture, this legion fortells of the return of the Cree. No gains are to be made today. The best that can be done is to burn it to the ground.
We take a look at the Arapaho core, where we learn just why Pretty Nose has decided to adopt the principals of peace. Inspired by the great Nestorian prophet Adapa, the great Arapaho empire has found a change of heart. Why fight when they can glow and settle?
Han regiments rush into Qarakhoja to help protect their newly minted Qocho puppets. The Tuvan force seem overwhelming, and the reinforcements sparse. With some good maneuvering, it shouldn’t take long to conquer this land, the one time holdout of the Qocho.
Imparted with the knowledge that the debaucherous Kwakwaka'wakw Confederacy is more than willing to smite themselves in furious thunder, Pretty Nose decides to impart a peace deal with them. Its not like she’s going to gain much out of a war anyways. Just looking at the border, and the Arapaho’s relative lack of troops, shows that violence wasn’t really in the hearts and minds of her side, and the Kwak have a much bigger deer to take by the horns anyhow.
King Canute of the Anglo-Norse sits in despair within Ribe. The Brandenburgers have almost taken Ludenbruh, and Ribe has gotten under fire. Admiral Yi, however, has a plan.
Brandenburg has gathered eons of discontent from its many settlements and conquests, and with it, he has bribed many mercenaries and militias to cause ruckus. Called operation Valkyrie, this small distraction may just be what the Anglo-Norse need to save themselves.
We take a glance at the lands of the Permian empire. Once the undisputed apex predators of the cylinder, a two-pronged invasion by the Tuvans and Massagatae have exposed them as a shell of their former selves. Nevertheless, the Permians endure, and the bear is slowly rebuilding and centralizing its vast domain. Don’t underestimate these boys.
We move on back to the Philippines, who are hanging on by a thread. Malolos remains in the green as the locals remain pelted by arrows from the Indonesian-occupied Pasig, though Suharto has opted not to send further direct military force towards the town. Somehow, Aguilinado survives.
With the settling of Frederikshåb, we’ve pretty much ran out of free land in this corner of the world. Well…there is still the snowy interior of Greenland, but I wouldn’t settle that if I were you…oh, they already have a settler there. I hope the city’s name is something humorous, at least.
Oh Centroamerica, how wonderstruck I once was for you! You had so much promise and such a cool design, and yet what have you done with it? Jackshit, that’s what. Well, at least you aren’t completely faltering, with your cities and carpet. It’ll be a slow, brutal stagnation instead.
Despite the brave efforts of the Norse mercenaries, Operation Valkyrie was not quite enough to prevent the conquest of Ludenburh. Fredrick Wilhelm, paranoid of potential further defectors and dealing with discontent within the military, orders the burning of the city, and the Anglo-Norse’s doom grows ever more certain. However, behind closed doors in the Danish straits, in his own personal fortress, Admiral Yi is cooking. Cooking up one last plan for victory.
We take a quick gander over to the lands of the Maori. Despite a struggle early on with gold and happiness, Maori have managed to cook themselves a nice maritime empire. There’s still an available spot at the very southern tip of the South Island, I’d like to see them settle but otherwise I have no complaints.
Lacs has highlighted a Maori Great Artist by the name of Dziga Vertov. In another life this guy was a soviet film director. Cinema isn’t quite invented yet, so maybe he’s doing theater instead?
I also can’t help but notice the duo of Wiradjuri settlers sailing in the middle of the Maori empire, by Taumaranui, where our dear Semiramis is also situated currently. Maybe we’ll soon hear of a Maori plan to nuke Syd- what do you mean the city doesn’t exist? Goddammit. Maybe the city was already nuked off the map.
We witness the easternmost edges of the mighty Afghan empire. A stalwart top 5 contender for the last several episodes, the Afghans have swiftly settled the Tibetan plateau, creating small, defensible, but somewhat poorly growing cities. Milton S. Hershey, taking it upon himself to cheer these poor fools up, is currently en route to Sheberbagan, to potentially taste a rich, dark, drink that the locals have been using to stay warm in the dark winters, made of poppy seeds of course.
We take a gander at Ireland, whom last episode were continually forward settled by an international coalition of nations. Though the Irish didn’t take kindly to the coming of the English, they have thus far tolerated the Brandenburger, Greenlandic and American settlers on their domains. However, what they very adamantly care about is religion. Pope Michael Collins has brought into his employ the grand inquisitor Baldwin IV, duke of Cork and a fervent aggressor when it comes to matters of religion. Could this be a sign of a crusade?
Up here by the Bering Strait not much is happening. Kwaks settle New Tsaxis in Asia in the hopes that this one won’t be burnt to the ground. But mostly the city contributes to the weird tangle of borders between Kwak and the Göktürks. It almost looks like they’re holding hands, how adorable. It’ll be less adorable when it is revealed they’re both holding a dagger in their free hand.
In what can only be described as a miracle, the mighty vikings manage to reclaim the smoldering city of Ludenbruh! Admiral Yi, the absolute madman, a godlike tactical genius on every level of warfare, has launched a daring diversion on the city of Roskilde, whilst a small detachment has gone on to free Ludenbruh from Brandenburger hands. He smiles at news of the success of the operation, as his ships coast into the well defended walls of the old Anglo-Norse capitol. The chances of victory here are slim, but what is there for an old fart like him to lose. He has done all he can to save his nation.
We take a look at the lands of Vladimir. Lacs is highlighting the Prince’s Retinue UU, but I’m pretty sure we already saw this unit last episode, so I won’t tire you with a repeat. Personally I quite like the look of Vladimir, it’s just a dang shame it’s stuck between Lithuania, Permians, and Turkey, all top 15 contenders, if not even top 10 contenders. We’re still trying to figure out if the Permians deserve a spot in the top 10 or not. (Spoiler: they probably don’t.)
Of course, such a magnificent victory couldn’t last. The heroes of Ludenbruh are swiftly vanquished by the Brandenburger invaders. Yi’s diversionary force, too, seems doomed to fail, the inhabitants of Roskilde forgetting their former overlords. The soldiers set the torch once more on Ludenbruh, watching the bodies of the brave defenders on tiny ships, blazing into the night, a tradition they saw across the straits, their compatriots immolating themselves rather than surrender.
Off in the bay of Biscay, the Irish and Castilian fleets lock heads in a fruitless, yet important battle. Oviedo could be the start of an Irish launching point into mainland Europe. But for now, their still reluctant populace get to witness clash after clash of their new and old overlords, deadlocked in the bay of Biscay.
We mosey on over to the barbarian Kilwan horde, where one day they became global pariahs for no good reason. And holy fuck, the Yemeni navy has modernized overnight. Yemen does have some of the best tech on the cylinder, so this is not an unreasonable development, but it is one I did not expect. While before Kilwan tech supremacy was giving them the edge, now it looks like they are squarely outmatched. Very disheartening. Still, I stand behind what I said about Kilwa’s core being safe in this war.
Taking a break away from all the action, we witness a fun coincidence. We witness upon here the dawn of the great merchant Thomas Waghorn, son of the great heads of Wagga-Wagga! Irl, Waghorn was the first man to have theorized the feasibility of a route between Britain and India via the then-canalless Egypt. Perhaps he can provide new opportunities to the Wiradjuri?
We take a look at the Cree’s eastern polity, finding that their core in this part of the world is nothing but snow and more snow. With the occasional American and Arapaho intruder. Poundmaker must be wary, because a potential American invasion could gut his domain like a fish. Or it could not, and become utterly forgotten to the annals of history. We shall see.
Meanwhile in South America, Inca are still quite fond of splitting up their armies between the available targets. So nothing new there really, but I do notice the Chilean carpet. The war wasn’t that long ago, and they’ve already fully recovered, ready to charge back in. That’s the kind of energy I like to see in my battle royale.
Oh yeah, and Caravaggio, who in real life had a “formative influence on Baroque painting”, is here to keep the Chilean cultural scene lively as well. It might be a bit early for Baroque art, but his innovations will most certainly be welcome nevertheless.
A look back at the Tuva-Han war reveals that the two are still partaking in a bloody meatgrinder, but the tide has changed, and now Han is on the offense, bringing Samagaltay down to half health, and keeping Tuva units away from Qarakhoja. Quite embarrassing for the so-called #1 civ.
Also, peep the Kokang city, that’s quite the GNARLY location.
We get a look at the two major cores of Africa - the dual meme powers of Angola and Chad. They have just about everything you can ask for from great powers - good powerbases, good militaries, good tech, etc. The one thing they both lack is aggression, but lets be fair here aggression takes a decent bit of investment. Wouldn’t it be better to hang back and buff up with your bros?
We mosey on over to the Turkish empire. A theocratic military dictatorship, Pasha Ataturk has completed the Potala Palace, a winter home where he can spend those frigid Cappadocian nights in deep prayer to Allah. The Turks are still a grand contender for best civ in the game, and perhaps Ataturks devotion to God and nation may prove to be a big factor, alongside their grand stats. For now, the Turkish populace enjoy a momentary respite from the grand conquests that occurred not so long ago.
Oh, look at that, Agent S came in with a report! Lets see what it says… oh… why??!?
Apparently the Maori are planning on assaulting Centroamerica, a distant target with fairly slim chances of conquest and very few targets. Maybe Morazon isn’t the biggest moron around these parts.
It is now high time to look at the governance structures of the world! Coming on the first slide of these, we take notice of the Irish Papacy, the only one currently of its kind. We also witness various republics, military dictatorships and monarchies. Notably, the USA decided to double down on their LARP by becoming a true republic and the sub is a monarchy! All hail emperor JFD and queen Docsy, our regents eternal.
We move about to the next page, where we discover that Fredrick Wilhelm has taken personal charge as commander-in-chief against the barbarian Norse, a true warrior-king. The Chadians are also a dictatorship, while it becomes apparent that the Kwakwaka'wakw-Cree conflict is a trade war, as the Cree are a merchant confederacy of various northern tribes. Notably, we got two peasant republics. The first, of the Egyptians, where a man named Moses riled up the rabble to create a theocratic peasant state. The second, the Cambodians, where Norodom Sihanouk has brought on a clever peasant named Pol Pot to serve as a direct bridge to the people.
In this page, we notably get to the Kayapo, which is also a merchant league. In an age of war, the Kayapo have instead opted to max out their trade node and collect their gains. The Han have also fittingly declared themselves heirs to the mandate of heaven, becoming an imperial dynasty, while the Ducklads are actually a principality. Whoops.
Well I don’t know how this works but apparently Olive Yang now rules over Rome. That’s quite the twist. I like to imagine that Kokang Proper is a few core cities, and then additional provinces consist the actual Empire. A multicultural dream.
We move on the next part of the list, with more republics, kingdoms and military juntas. However, quite notably, the Muisca and Normans have established themselves as monastic orders, brilliant vanguards of Lutheranism and Catholicism respectively. May they bring forth many more crusades and battles!
We move on to see that the Kilwa have abandoned the old ways of the Horde, with the Khans instead positioning themselves as a fullblown military dictatorship (thats of course still led by Ali ibn Hassan.) We also get to see some LARPing as the game grants Ataturk the title of Pasha and the epithet of “the Beloved, Precious One.” Turkey’s eternal leader at it huh.
And with that all out of the way, we come to the end of the governments tab with a few more principalities, kingdoms and republics. Notably, Cestwahyo is now known by the epithet “The Holy,” and the Vermontians have not quite progressed basic tribal structures. I seriously enjoy these slides even if they’re kinda hard to write about! I just love being able to dream and headcanon about how these individual states are governed, and I hope others share my enthusiasm.
Frustrated at the fruitless offensives of yesteryear, Tupac Yupaquani has enlisted the help of Mother Lu to analyze and break through the RDLP defenses. She rallys the troops together, and prepares yet another offensive. Whether this will work, only time may tell.
Li Ka-Shing, what a name. This guy’s actually still alive today! He is a Hong Kong billionaire, business magnate, investor, and philanthropist, and he is the 31st richest person in the world. Seems entirely apt for Mali, but unfortunately, money does not translate into military competence.
Suharto looks at his ledgers. What is there to do today? Suppress the peasants, yell angrily at Timor Leste, bribe the Bengals, bully the Filipinos… ooh that ones good! With a prompt order, two triremes approach the Filipino capital of Malolos, seeking to extort and plunder. They probably will die fruitlessly but its not about efficiency. Its about sending a message.
Though Qarakhoja’s defenders falter, Samagaltay is falling far faster, and the city is as good as gone, with plenty of melee units lurking nearby. Will Tuva’s embarrassment never end? All these units and yet defeat. Morale must be at an all time low.
Han’s military competence is likely in part due to the genius of one Albrecht von Wallenstein, who in real life became the supreme commander of the Imperial Army of the HRE, fighting on the side of the Catholics in the Thirty Years War.
We witness the jewel of the Amazon, the Kayapo city of Kremoro, a city so prosperous and ahead of its time that people in more distant lands say its built entirely out of gold. Of course, it is not, but containing more people than entire empires, it is still a miracle of urban planning and engineering.
What on god’s green earth is going on in here. I don’t mean the Incans being absolute failures, I mean the Muiscan expeditionary force getting lost in the Kayapo jungles. Maybe they heard of what the Lithuanians are doing and wanted to replicate everything a top 5 civ does. Yeah, that makes sense.
Anyway, Li Bing, the newest Kayapo Great Engineer, is here to build yet another wonder for his magnanimous leader. In real life this Chinese engineer lived in the third century BC, doing great hydraulic work on the Min River.
We take a brief look at the empty Mexican core of the Arapaho, and the more densely populated core of the Mohave. The Mohave have started populating their core with their unique Kwanami swordsmen, which require no resources, are basically marines and can manipulate WLTKDs. This UU is incredible for both utility and offense, and who knows, perhaps it can be used to conquer a juicy, plump target.
You get to see Horahora being settled, nicely complementing Maori’s island holdings. There are a lot of fairly strong navies in the region, so another city able to produce more is always nice. Wiradjuri, however, is ahead of the pack with Compass, as you can see by the Carracks starting to pop up. Maori and Inca alike would do well to research the naval technology themselves!
The chilly Ainu lands are about to get even chillier. Shakushain received a report from locals in Shiraoi. The Gokturk horde is mobilizing. The Ainu are as prepared as they could be against the great horde, and the terrain isn’t conducive to cavalry, but even this may not be enough. The Gokturk army is THE largest army, and it is not secret that it may be hard to break them.
King Vselevod is well aware of the precariousness of his situation. The Lithuanians and Permians have gotten him sandwiched, and his once fearsome army isn’t exactly what it used to be. Therefore, he makes a daring gambit on the lands of the Kyivan Rus, of whom they decisively overpower. What force remains may not be able to overcome the concentration on Olgas end however, so he must tread carefully.
Whats more depressing than a Dutch person? An Anglo-Dutch person! Here we see the only thing more depressing than an Anglo-Dutch person, that being the state of the Anglo-Dutch, which has opted to invest state funds into unused ramparts in the case of a Brandenburger invasion. Of course, there are civs with way more dire straits. But William III’s empire isn’t exactly the most stable either. A competent invasion from any angle could potentially spell the end of his reign, but thankfully the confusing and depressing Dutch geography has prevented any competent invasion (barring the conquest of Rotterdam by the Irish.) So until then, the Oranje Bois exist (unlike the city of Limburg). Mijn codoleantie.
A fleet of exactly eight Malian triremes makes a daring entry between the Tetouan cities in an effort to pay a bit less gold in unit maintenance. I can’t imagine there’s any other reason for the meager force to go get bombarded from two sides.
The Han army parade into Samagaltay, celebrating a decisive repelling of the barbarian hordes of the north. What they don’t say on the ballards is that the city is being set ablaze for a more Han populace to take over, and the debauchery and destruction of this once blooming town is to be more barbarian than any action the so-called barbarians have ever taken. The chroniclers of both sides stand in locking opposition on the events, but all that is known is the pure tragedy.
After careful deliberation, Mother Lu has decided that a concentrated assault on the smaller, more open, less defended city of La Rioja would be in order. It would have the additional effect of connecting the empire to the exclave of Sao Salvador, granting great reinforcement. With that, the Incans sally forth, hopeful not to lose yet another offensive.
We look back around to the Kokang-Bengal war and… yep nothing’s happening. The Kokang are just too experienced at this whole “guerilla warfare” thing for any effective Bengali pushes, both in game and in real life. Unlike the real life Kokang, they also have a massive core and carpet to back up their tactics. A world power, they really are.
It appears that the people of the Arapaho kingdom do not take kindly to forced labour and pacifism. To the great dismay of Pretty Nose, the chroniclers have begun decrying this century as a age of ruin! Could this be foreshadowing for the decline of a major power?
Raoni Metikure, his holiness, has heard a voice in the heavens mocking him for failing to do anything of true worth beyond turtling up. To prove them wrong, he decides to attack the disjointed Kingdom of Brazil, conjuring up an offensive front (the Muisca mercenaries left behind to protect the homeland) led by the great Saladin. Fuelled by similar visions of the past, he hopes to prove his worth, and Kayapo’s too.
Holy shit guys Jonas Savimbi confirmed next character in Fortnite!
In order to prepare for his imminent inclusion, he has provided orders to create a bunch of forts in the middle of Africa, also hoping to provide area-of-denial or power projection in the barren north against the strongest power here. Of course, that implies that Mali actually gets their head out of the sand.
“So, king Poundmaker, that forward settle on the Duck coast got burnt to the ground! What to do milord, that was quite the supply hub!”
“Are you daft? Set up a new supply hub in the area! Our soldiers need food, and I need to stake my claims!”
La Rioja falls to the Incans, finally connecting the exclave of Sao Salvador back to the main empire! Though the locals aren’t pleased, the rest of the Incan empire is in jubilation over this military victory. Though they must not rest on their laurels, this is a big loss for RDLP, who can barely afford any more losses.
We take a small look at Ethan Allen’s stubborn tribe of Vermont. The Vermontians speak the same language as the Americans, with the sole exception being the more archaic and distinct accent. The city of Montpelier has integrated seamlessly into the United States, while Ethan Allen leads his clan in the quiet reservation left to ruminate.
Well, Lundenburh stopped burning, so that means Brandenburg is no longer at -21 happiness, probably thanks to taverns. More pressing, though, is that Brandenburg is indeed going all the way, laying siege to Ribe as well. Assuming the AI doesn’t give up now, we could be seeing our next elimination very soon indeed!
As expected, La Rioja stops burning. But hey, look at that, it’s Sundiata, which I ASSUME refers to Sundiata Keita, who rules Mali on our cylinder. Maybe this explains the incompetence of the Mali? Their ruler is just, taking a vacation in South America! Or perhaps it’s just a matter of escapism. The poor dude did poorly in one war, and decided he wanted to go fight on a continent where everyone is incompetent. You know, to get his confidence back. But he has picked the wrong side. I’m afraid his competence will only get worse here, and when he returns to rule his nation he will fail to change its course.
Getting wind from the other side of the world, Pretty Nose has decided that a war would be a perfect diversion from the many woes of the Arapaho. Looking around for weak targets, she finds the perfect one - Centroamerica. Swiftly, the Arapaho navy sails over the gulf of Mexico, determined for victory.
Azykay, upon hearing of a war between Vladimir and Kievan Rus’, considers his options in a changing geopolitical environment…and decides that he should be helping his neighbor against the civ he does not neighbor. Maybe Olga spat in his cup once or something, but either way, this is quite the peculiar reaction to seeing your neighbor expending units.
The actual war is not going much anywhere. Plenty of death and little to show for it.
A Castilian Great General, Kamehameha, first of his name, sits comfortably in his manor in Valladolid, barking off commands to be sent to the Castilian army fighting in the Bay of Biscay. Yeah, the army is just embarking into the sea to die to Irish triremes while the general remains away from all harm and danger.
The Castilian navy, on the other hand, is having a much better time thanks to the invention of the Carrack. This advantage in technology should give Castile the edge, here.
Arapaho joins the gang of civs sending expeditionary forces to do unknown things in their neighbors lands. Oh, yeah, and some American units have even managed to cross the border into Cree lands since we last saw this war. Exciting. And look at those Knights! Just imagine all the action they’ll be getting!
As expected, the Yemeni navy is not achieving much by venturing into the Kilwan core. But Kilwa Kisiwani IS blockaded, so that’s a small dent in their profits.
Menno Simons, rising to renown in this time of great violence, teaches about peace and love. In real life he lived in the 16th century, originally a catholic priest, but eventually becoming an Anabaptist, and lending his name to the Mennonites.
They are fighting, that’s for sure. But it’s too soon to say if anything will come of this war. I would predict “probably not”. If North Korea or Kwak got involved, then maybe…
Sir James Lancaster, a privateer and trader in Elizabethan England, is at home in the naval battles between Ainu and Göktürks.
Vladimir makes very, very slow progress towards Kyiv. How much blood has already been shed? How many more lives must be lost?
Moral quandaries aside, we see Rani Durgavati, Gondwanan queen and enemy of the Mughals, leading Vladimirian troops here. Though she’s taking the scenic route through Lithuania to get to her destination. Hope she can make an impact, because Vladimir’s reserves are dwindling quickly.
Alright, despite my ridiculing of Malian prowess, the trireme gambit has brought Tegdaoust down to red. It is a 1 pop city with 10 city defense, after all. Still, it will become a flipfest at most.
The Arapaho navy, constructed by merely two cities, clashes against the full force of the Central American navy, and we find the two navies to be on equal footing, neither gaining the advantage. It is immensely funny to me that a mere fraction of Arapaho is as strong as all of Central America. The difference in power is staggering. But it is unlikely to go anywhere. Central America has plenty of units in reserve ready to go. This is bloodshed for bloodshed’s sake.
We get a good view of the naval situation in the Bay of Bengal and nearby. Bengal’s navy is advanced but smaller than the Pandyan or Indonesian navy. If either of the two competitors caught up in naval tech, trouble could be on the horizon, especially if Bengal were still distracted in fruitless land wars.
Speaking of which, nothing has happened in the aforementioned land wars in South East Asia. Cambodia survives by doing nothing.
After being thwarted time and time again, Isabella’s new-fangled carracks begin making progress. The Irish, unable to make such a material leap in the present, instead curry the services of Anglo-Norse-Brandenburger seaman Peter Tordenskold to hold the line. Thus far, its holding.
Oh, and Botswana finally makes peace with Kilwa, thank god.
On a lone island off the Chilean coast, a rebel group lives on to resist the long arm of imperialism. They dream of a day when they can have liberty and freedom for all. That day will never come.
The Kayapo assault on Brazil remains in progress, with Raonis miniscule but advanced army hammering on both Rio and Recife. Taking a second to regroup, it appears that another seer of the past, Tamburlane, has been put in charge of the Kayapo military, Saladin either dying or sacked. A good, concentrated force could quickly take Recife and bring an end to whatever remains of Pedro’s dreams and ambitions.
Theres supposed to be a civ aside from Indonesia in this slide, but I can’t quite find it. Can you help me, viewers?
Welp, there it goes, peace is made. What a foolish endeavour. But at least the Vladimirian army has strength enough remaining to continue deterring any invasions from nearby great powers, while Kiev’s strength looks far more drained.
The utter stalemate on the seas, the seeming madness of Princess Pretty Nose and the utter lack of military influence, coupled with a large economic decline, has caused a group of swordsmen to rebel up near the former Kwakwaka'wakw border! They seek greater investment in the military and less religious overbearingness from their leader. Meanwhile, Nisichawayasihk falls into the yellow, doomed to become ashes again.
With La Rioja seemingly secured, the Incan generals decided to sally forth with their Chasa Chaqui regiments to secure the second objective of Tucuman. A small military regiment remains near La Rioja to threaten a retaking, but surely they cannot do much harm, could they?
Is that settler heading for the spot on the southern tip I mentioned earlier? I sure hope so! It would really complete the look, and also block off access to any weird contingents of Timorese triremes. And it would TOTALLY help the Maori out of yet-another-dark-age, or in short, YADA. Oh no, the Maori are having YADA. Dangit.
The last remnants of the Anglo-Norse army huddle around the ramparts of Ribe. The city is fully besieged, hope is disappearing, and despite the cries of general Henry Maitland Wilson, Canute knows time is up. Ragnarök is coming.
These Freedom FighterTM are doing more to Arapaho than Central America ever will, mark my words. If only Arapaho’s army wasn’t loitering in Cree lands, their capital wouldn’t be currently damaged by literal rebel scum. And here I thought Tuva was the most humiliated civ of the episode.
With the mood in Kwak lands affected by constant Cree raiding and offensives, the higher-ups in the military have decided that they should double down on the whole “defense in detail” thing. As Cree horsemen reach the walls of the Kwak capital, Skanderbeg orders the construction of all kinds of moats, forts, and other defensive structures. If anyone can lead a smaller nation into victory against an overwhelming for, it’s him. Comment “you can do it mr. skanderbeg” to increase Kwak’s odds of victory!
Ha, Tegdaoust has almost recovered. So much for chances of prowess. In fact it looks like the Tetouan navy is now on the offense. Tsk tsk. Malian land forces have not yet entered Tetouan borders on the other hand. Maybe there’s some kind of magical barrier preventing them from entering.
Meanwhile, Guiscard plans ahead, building his schemes for when he has conquered Tetouan. I’d keep your feet on the ground if I were you, Robert.
No progress has been made in the Bay of Biscay.
We get a shot at the remains of the Khazars, a sad, backwards state remaining only in the relatively barren lands of Tamarkhan, most significant for cotton, fish and being the canal into the Aral sea. Nevertheless, the locals find themselves satisfied with their simple lives, a short, prosperous time in their peoples history.
In the forges of Ngaruawahia, fine gold and iron is being smelted. It is swiftly cooled in precise amounts, then carefully inscribed with fine patterns and gems. Placed into King Potatou te Wherowhero witnesses this construction, then carefully walks out into the adoring gazes of the crowd, newly minted rings in hand. Carefully slipping on a single, gleaming, gold and silver ring, he proclaims proudly to the masses, “This One Piece of jewelry, it represents our might! Our hearts, we seek to rule them all! The spirit of our nation, it IS REAL!”
And with this proclamation, right out of a dark age, begins a golden age of Maori expansion and exploration!
King Fredrick Wilhelm marches into the burning town of Ribe, mere days after the knights of Cottbus cleared out the last defenders. He strides straight into town, past the sacked palace of Ribe, a small longhouse with the corpses of Anglo-Norse high command. Within the bodies, he sees the once shining crown of King Canute, the first of his conquests, the catalyst for expansion and a good, erstwhile rival for such a poorly equipped barbarian. A gold goblet sits by the crown. He pours out a bottle of Brandenburger mead, a grim reminder that empires fall.
The Anglo-Norse weren’t ever the greatest contender. When Brandenburg initially tripped on their shoelaces, many thought an opportunity arose for them to dominate Scandinavia and become a power. This didn’t happen, as the Anglo-Norse barely settled anything after their 3 city core, and quickly fell behind the exponentially growing Brandenburgers. Soon, Roskilde would fall to concentrated Brandenburger assault, and henceforth Canute’s fate was sealed. Give a big F for one who never made it, despite contradicting AI reputation. Anananvanannanansns, and F.
Fritz Lang, who in real life was an Austrian film director, screenwriter, and producer active in the 20th century, reads the weekly reports about the war with Bengal. Victory after victory, it seems. The truth is far more grim, but Fritz doesn’t know better, and his theater productions celebrate Kokang’s victories both at home and abroad. Maybe it’s good for morale?
Taking advantage of the newlywed Incan obsession over Tucuman, Rio De La Plata swiftly strikes back! Not only was the siege of Tucuman lifted, but the small brigades of swordsmen near La Rioja have retaken the city, to the jubilation of its inhabitants! While La Rioja may not remain in Rio De La Plata hands for very long, the Incans look out of position to deal further damage to La Plata. Jose de San Martin might’ve just snatched victory after all.
Oh, and Kayapo builds the Smithsonian Institute, gaining him 150 per Great Person expended, among some minor yields.
We quickly notice that the Arapaho aren’t the only North American power dealing with happiness issues. The good old US of A, the ones who have been having constant dark ages since the very beginning of the game, have minor military revolts on the Vermontian border, possibly freer militiamen. Despite that, the Americans are used to depression, unlike a certain neighbour of theirs…
The Cree, too, are facing a military mutiny, as guardians and militiamen to the northern cities openly protest the protracted war against the Ducklads. The federated cities are refusing Poundmakers orders, and openly diverting trade and manpower away from the central government. Poundmaker scoffs. They will know the errors of their ways, these aurora blues shall end!
We end off our episode with a view on the Brandenburger Reich’s ever-expanding northern colony. In another world, the Anglo-Norse held a cross-sea empire, but it seems like Fredrick Wilhelm is adamant in fulfilling that vision himself in this one. The new frigid colony of Helsberg is settled on the Isles, a Hell for anyone to live in. Meanwhile, the more-desirable city of Braunsberg is situated smack dab in the middle of Northern Ireland, helping recreate a real life conflict in game. Will Michael finally decide enough is enough? Find out more next time, on CBRXS3!