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Hello and welcome back to CBRX3! I’m PorkBean, your narrator for this week’s installment, and I’ll be guiding you through the continued chaos and questionable decisions in the forthcoming slides.
Civ Battle Royale Episode 17: Flips and Failures – S3
Abstract
Key cities exchange hands time and time again, while faltering civs lay the groundwork for their own demise.
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Vihreaa’s map shows us the cylinder as of the end of Episode 16. Some of these areas are starting to become a lot more uniform in color, as regional frontrunners emerge.
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Muisca squishes Tegucigalpa in American Dreams, putting Central America in their place. No dreams for you, Morazon.
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Thanks as always to our backers on Ko-Fi. The CBR is a huge undertaking for all involved and it’s great that people enjoy it enough to support it like this.
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Turkey holds their top spot in the Power Rankings, though Leman notes that Kayapo has surged ahead of them in terms of science. Turkey is the one with an army, however, so for now they seem to be in a comfortable position.
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We begin this week’s shenanigans with a bold and intimidating declaration of war by Sihanouk of Cambodia against Castille, a power three times their size. This will no doubt boost the resolve of the Cambodian people, while handily avoiding having to actually fight their enemy due to the continent-sized distance between the new foes.
Meanwhile, Central America and the Arapaho reach a peace agreement.
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With those two powers now at peace, they are free to safely stare each other down in the Gulf of Mexico while hopefully putting some effort into bolstering up their navies. This could one day be the site of a great maritime clash, or perhaps it could end up as unusable and clogged with ships as the Mediterranean.
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Calvin Klein attempts to peddle designer undergarments in Ainaro, to a mostly unreceptive Timorese market. All eyes are instead locked on the naval assault on Galiwinku as Xanana Gusmao works to establish a beachhead on the Australian mainland.
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The Ainu begin to buckle under the assault of the Gokturks on their two continental holdings. The Gokturks are using their unique unit, the Toygunlar, which offers no combat advantage over the Knight but does allow them to build Courthouses in any city, which is cool. Pretty Nose joins Sihanouk in the non-war against Castille.
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Rio de Janeiro suffers, but the city hangs on at 0HP owing to the Kayapo’s military imbalance and relatively few melee units in the area. It’s certain to fall, however, collapsing even more of the Amazon region into the Kremoro Greater Metropolitan Area.
Meanwhile the other Rio - De La Plata - peaces out with the Inca. This is good timing for Tupac, as it frees up his forces to join with the Gokturks in a declaration of war against Ming.
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Ming seems relatively unfazed by the dual declarations of war, however, protected on both fronts by Han territory as well as the Pacific Ocean. It’s a good job, too, as the dynasty looks like easy prey with just a thin layer of units spread around for defense. Compare that to the depth of the North Korean carpet, a veritable jam of infantrymen prepared to repel any invasion into this hermit kingdom.
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More clothes salesmen emerge as Levi Strauss brings his blue jeans and pop music to the people of Chile. To distract his people from this no-doubt destabilizing development, Allende puts the country on a war footing and joins the struggle against Botswana.
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Rio de Janeiro falls, and the Brazilian government flees to Recife - another city with 0HP. It’s a valiant last stand but Brazil is likely doomed here, unless saved at the last minute by a sudden outbreak of peace.
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Mali re-establish control in Tegdaoust after Tetouan had briefly flipped it back in the last episode. If the war continues, we could see Mali completely absorb the Tetouan core and leave al-Hurra locked into her Mediterranean holdings.
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The Kwakwaka’wakw capital falls again, suffering another devastating loss of population. With much of their army made up of their unique Scout replacement, the Kwakwaka’wakw seem unlikely to recover their home and now find themselves on the run up into Alaska.
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The Wiradjuri begin to pummel the Maori, both on land and at sea. The Maori’s mainland Australian holdings have been quickly surrounded by Wiradjuri knights, while the island city of Tokaanu has been quickly overrun. Things are not going well so far for the Maori.
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Botswana finds themselves in a relevant war as the Zulu launch an invasion. Tech will be a deciding factor here, as the Botswanan horsemen and triremes are far outclassed by the Zulu knights and carracks.
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Recife falls, taking what was left of Brazil along with it. Despite some nice settles, the surrender of Sao Salvador sealed Pedro I’s fate as leader of a declining empire. Sadly, Brazil will be remembered only for failing to live up to the performance of their CBR predecessors. F
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Here we see a nice shot of the Vladimir-Permian border, with both civs showing off similar military capabilities. Vsevolod has recruited several of his unique Prince’s Retinue units that replace the Longswordsman, while Azykay boasts the Batyr as a substitute for the Knight.
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The Castilian Armada arrives in Brittany, tasked with dislodging the occupying Irish from the peninsula. Ireland does possess a navy of its own, but its triremes might have a difficult time fighting off Castile’s more modern vessels.
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The Mori Shogunate basks in splendid isolation, with much of Japan finally under its thumb. Motonari has at last begun training settlers in earnest, but by now much of the prime real estate has already been snapped up. Still, with three settlers he should at least be able to comfortably snap up what’s left of his own home islands.
Meanwhile, in the north, we can see the Ainu city of Shiraoi is holding on despite the Gokturk onslaught.
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Timor-Leste makes landfall in Australia, capturing Galiwinku from the Yolngu with their superior navy. Land reinforcements will be required to prevent a flipfest, however.
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The USA also flexes its naval muscles with a declaration of war against Greenland. Ethan Allen must be feeling bitter that unlike in our own timeline, the Americans haven’t even bothered absorbing all of Vermont and instead are happy to leave the Green Mountain Republic as an irrelevant rump.
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With as yet little movement from Michael Collins, Castile easily retakes Oviedo and thus pushes the Irish out of their European outpost.
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The Maori retake their island city of Tokaanu, but the Wiradjuri naval forces are still in the area and continue to put up a fight. What’s worse, the island has been traded for the much more important mainland city of Pukearuhe, which has been completely overrun by Wiradjuri knights and is currently being put to the torch.
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Musican ships batter Managua, putting the city firmly in the red. A pair of composite bowmen support the operation and keep Central American reinforcements at bay, making this look like a sure gain for Nemequene.
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Turkey is given free rein in the Black Sea, surrounding Crimea and bombarding the Kyivan city of Novgorod. Turkish knights disembark in the east, but risk being shredded by Olga’s unique Pikeman replacement.
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The Irish Navy arrives in Brittany to assess the situation. Despite inferior ships, the Irish have launched a stubborn counteroffensive with superior numbers and have already pummeled Oviedo back down into the red.
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With their second city of Fez suffering at half HP, Tetouan calls upon CCP general Peng Duhai to lead the defense. Mali will need to move their triremes up north from Kankan, to bypass both the mountains and the mounting Tetouan resistance.
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Timor-Leste’s foothold in Australia is short-lived, as their navy disappears and the Yolngu walk back into Galiwinku.
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Little movement in the ongoing Zulu-Botswanan conflict, other than a few skirmishes along the border. The Zulu would do well to hold their ground on land and use their superior navy to attack Serowe and Francistown, but we’ll see.
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A quick look at the Massagetae core reveals a pretty abysmal technology gap, with not a single knight among their ranks to match those of the surrounding empires.
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Trouble for Ming as Han, which was previously acting as a barrier between Ming and the Gokturks, turn on their southern neighbors and join the war. Ming’s rather solid navy won’t help them much here, so the Yongle emperor had better get his horsemen up to his northern border ASAP.
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Tokaanu disappears, suggesting it was flipped once again and then torched by the Wiradjuri giving them one fewer problem to deal with. The knights turn on Taumaranui, continuing to drive the Maori out of northeastern Australia.
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Resistance falters in Managua, with the Muisca capturing the city and ordering it razed. Sonsonate would be another easy target for Nemequene, but San Salvador has only one water tile to attack from and would likely require the support of land troops.
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Greenland and the USA skirmish around Montpelier, with the American ships being more advanced but the Greenlandic numbers being nothing to sneeze at. Feeling confident, Roosevelt has also opted to join the dogpile on Botswana.
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Ireland successfully retakes Oviedo. With the Irish Army stranded across the channel and the Castilian Army blocked by Anglo-Dutch territory, this city is proving to be a true test of the two civ’s naval prowess.
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The Kayapo consolidate the formerly Brazilian territories that now comprise their Atlantic coastline. Their gargantuan science lead also takes them into the industrial era, though Raoni still lacks any gunpowder units.
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The father of Hong Kong cinema Lai Man-Wai is born in Ngaruawahia, giving the people of Aotearoa some cool wire-fu fights to watch as their military situation utterly disintegrates.
The Ainu breathe a sigh of relief as Central America and Brandenburg sue for peace, but quickly panic again upon realizing that neither of those are the Gokturks.
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Satisfied, the Muisca end the burning of Managua and begin naval operations against Guatemala City. The mountains seem to be working against Morazan here, making his own capital difficult to reinforce.
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Han knights march into Ming territory. Due to a clerical error, Ming bureaucrats put artist Giuseppe Arcimboldo in charge of defending Nanjing. At least he might scare the invader off with paintings of heads made out of vegetables.
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The Kyivan Rus produce a Caravel, a great unit for exploration if only it hadn’t been built in an inland sea. It seems to have been of some use, however, as the ship has suffered significant damage and the Turkish fleet that was attacking Novgorod is nowhere to be seen.
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Shiraoi falls, with the pressure now on the Ainu to fall back and defend their remaining mainland city or risk being the second Japanese civ to be pushed out of the continent.
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The Wiradjuri continue clearing out Maori settlements, leaving them with only one remaining Australian city down in the southwest.
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While one Australian empire is busy kicking out invaders, the other is struggling to keep them out as the Yolngu once again lose Galiwinku and have suffered serious damage to their other two cities. The Bengali fleet drifts aimlessly through the Torres Strait, still slightly damaged from their previous war with Kokang.
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Ibn Battuta sets off on a historically accurate expedition, only this time in service of Yemen instead of Morocco.
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Bengal establishes a colony on the godforsaken Kerguelen Islands, a cold desolate place with no resources other than cabbages and the occasional whale. Naturally, a second settler eyes the neighboring island.
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Morazan times peace perfectly, saving Guatemala City and not even giving up anything he hadn’t already lost. That should teach him a future lesson about this “war” thing.
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Tuva declares war on Botswana since all the cool kids are doing it. A truly vast number of ships litter the Mediterranean, which at this rate is going to have more wood in it than water.
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A Brazilian Work Boat returns home, only to find the entire country on fire and a new government in place. Meanwhile, Bengal picks up on the new trend of declaring war on Botswana and decides to join in too.
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Han forces reach Nanjing, looking to clear out the surrounding resistance before encircling the city itself. The Han Navy has also positioned itself between the Ming fleet and the Chinese mainland, forming an effective blockade.
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The Scramble for Madagascar is mostly over, with Zulu and Kilwa colonies well-established and little free real estate left. Whether one civ could unite this island remains to be seen, but it would take more than just naval supremacy thanks to Hlobane’s position inland.
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Little has changed since the Gokturk capture of Shiraoi, but the Ainu troops that had been defending it are now completely cut off. German Painter Albrect Durer defects to North Korea.
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Almost no-one remains to defend the last Maori city in Australia, besides a Toa and a single swordsman.
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Kyiv’s turn to go on the offensive in the Black Sea, with some troops attempting the dangerous crossing over to the Turkish side. The Kyivan caravel survives, now upgraded into a carrack.
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Mohave lead the way in settling tiny islands in the Pacific. Always a good insurance policy for any CBR contender.
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Meanwhile in the Atlantic, the Muisca make moves by settling the Azores. Interestingly, they declared war on Castile a couple of slides ago, hinting at what their future ambitions might be.
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The Yolngu retake Galiwinku for the second time this episode, as the Timor-Leste armada evaporates once again. Manpower is running thin, however, and I doubt the Yolngu can take many more flips like this.
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More troops brave the Black Sea as Princess Pingyang, daughter of Emperor Gaozu, rises to lead the Kyivan forces in their time of need.
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Malian troops close in around Fez as their navy drives off the Tetouan triremes. Despite a still-decent number of Tetouan units in the area, this city is looking like a confident capture for Sundiata as he has plenty of reserves and most of his land units are actually on land.
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Welp. One wily Ming settler achieves what three Mori settlers couldn’t quite manage - settle the rest of Japan. What’s more, it’s been reinforced with a Shenji Musketeer - Ming’s unique and early Musketman replacement. If this doesn’t break Motonari out of his isolation, nothing will.
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An Indonesian settler wanders aimlessly through the Great Sandy Desert, presumably looking for a single reason to settle there. Another settler has also disembarked on the west coast, followed by another settler heading in the same direction. Where are they going?
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Milingimbi falls almost to 0HP, just needing a little bit more of a push from the Timor navy. Here to provide that push comes Sultan of Algiers and Ottoman Corsair, Baba Oruc, no stranger to battering down coastal fortifications.
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The final Philippine holdout on land is none other than Gertrudis Bocanegra, rebel of the Mexican war of Independence. Otherwise, Indonesia seems to have consolidated their gains in the Philippines quite nicely.
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Cree units begin to move past Tigwaxsti, continuing onwards into Alaska and towards Mimkumlis. The mountains are the only thing between the Kwakwak’wakw and a complete rout, as they certainly don’t have much of an army to speak of.
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When you have more settlers than sense, why not settle Antarctica? At least we know Yemen will be sticking around for the long term.
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The Ming Navy looks to have seen off the Han fleet, which is good news as some of their island holdings as well as their new Japanese city were beginning to take damage. The situation on land looks far worse for Ming, although they are now fielding a few more of their unique Musketmen.
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Fez falls, giving Mali a shot at the Tetouan capital. Sayyida al-Hurra is in serious trouble if nothing changes.
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Indonesia and the Philippines make peace, leaving the latter to roam the seas in their remaining ships.
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Timor-Leste take Milingimbi with a single ship, despite the presence of Yolngu land forces. This is likely to cause more painful flips and further depopulation for the Australians, cementing their decline but prolonging their suffering.
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Sly Stone brings the funk to South America, because with 110 population in two cities someone is bound to like it.
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Gokturk units swarm Shinhidaka as the walls begin to crumble. Shakushain better hope they don’t want to push further than this city.
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Surprisingly our first shot of (some of) India, revealing an all-out Kilwan assault on Pandya’s southern islands. It seems like the Pandyan Navy has only just reached the battle, as significant damage has already been done to the city.
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Still no naval action in South Africa, but Cetshwayo has decided to go on the offensive on land using his superior units. A newly trained Zulu Ibutho heads towards Francistown.
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Kilwa takes the island and brings in land units to reinforce their position, despite there being no land for them to stand on. This is an easy re-capture for Pandya with their superior navy.
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Cree units weave through the mountains, attacking Kwak positions in Essipit as well as Mimkumlis. They also have a Frigate, providing an extra level of bombardment on Kwak coastal cities.
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A quick shot of South Georgia, the Sandwich Isles, and the Falklands. Some of which are controlled by Rio de la Plata, and some of which aren’t.
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Mecca, the holiest city in Islam, is founded on Earth’s least accessible continent. Good luck making the Hajj this year.
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The Kwak’s city to the north falls, with the other soon to follow. Aside from the scouts, Willie Seaweed also has a few swordsmen offering a token resistance to the Cree knights.
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Ah, that explains the situation in Tetouan. Sayyida al-Hurra has abandoned her own civilization to the Malians, instead choosing to start a new life privateering for the Maori. If the Maori suddenly lose all their most important cities, we’ll know why.
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The Cree are also knocking on the door of Captain Jack’s Stronghold, threatening to claim the Modoc as an elimination. Can they make it two capitals in one episode?
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Han soldiers ravage the countryside as they fully encircle Nanjing. This looks like a surprisingly strategic move coming from a Civ V AI, which can only mean something is about to go horribly wrong.
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The internal combustion engine is developed as Kayapo generals move away from the simple horse, instead ordering their Pikemen from the comfort of a Willys 4x4 Utility Truck. At the same time, the Sistine Chapel is finally completed.
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Shinhidaka is lost, forcing the Ainu to join Mori as a simple island folk with no more mainland holdings. The Ainu do have another settler ready, but if I were them I wouldn’t risk it.
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Reza Ghadiri offers his services as a Great Engineer to the Kayapo. They’ll need all the help they can get to plan infrastructure for their megacities.
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The Wiradjuri struggle to seal the deal with the Maori, as the latter hang on in their last Australian city of Maraekowhai. Indonesian settlers continue their suspicious activities, so far unnoticed by the indigenous people.
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Milingimbi is recaptured, suffering another population loss, but is traded for Galiwinku which is looking more secure in Timor-Leste hands with no more Yolgnu units in the area.
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Mel Gibson makes a rare appearance, this time in Greenlandic Canada where presumably he can do nothing controversial. The US Navy looks a little thin on the ground compared to how it looked previously, perhaps owing to the Greenlanders’ greater strength in numbers.
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Google tells me Paco Rabanne is a fashion designer, making him the third one to appear in this episode! How he will affect developments in South America is yet to be determined.
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I’ll leave you with this final shot of the grand ocean sprawl of Incan Polynesia, which actually accounts for a considerable portion of the Incan population. I’ve been PorkBean, and I hope you enjoyed reading this instalment of the CBRX3. Until next time!