Civ Battle Royale February 8, 2023
TopHatPaladin
Blood spills throughout the globe, as several of the cylinder’s heavyweights seize the opportunity to bully their smaller neighbors. We see the death of some old rump states, and the birth of some new ones.
Hello, CBR fans! The name’s TopHatPaladin, longtime fan, first-time narrator. You might remember me as the author of this season’s Zulu mod, or the co-author of Tuva, but today I’m here as your guide to Episode 18. Strap on your seat belts and let’s get to it!
Props to Vihreaa for his consistency with these high-quality maps. These things are always a great resource, and a treat to look at.
ExplosiveWatermelon (EW) brings us this week’s OC. I wholeheartedly echo Chalmers’ sentiment in the image— good lord, what *is* happening in Australia?? This will be a big region to watch this week, due to the tangled web of wars that criss-cross the continent.
As always, a huge thank you to our Ko-Fi donors! Your support has been instrumental in allowing the CBR to continue for so many iterations.
The top three civs slid around the power rankings this week: the rankers lost a bit of confidence in Turkey, causing it to slide down to third, and in its place Tuva has reclaimed the number-one spot. Their lead is a precarious one— Brandenburg and Turkey are both nipping closely at Tuva’s heels— but as a Totally Unbiased I Promise observer who’s got the bully pulpit this week, I’m going to take this opportunity to say:
TUVA SWEEP HERE WE GO BABY THERE’S NO STOPPIN US NOW
Now, before we get down to brass tacks, we’ve also got a look at the government overview! Since we last checked in, Raoni Metuktire’s government has moved past traditional forms of factionalism and adopted party politics. Currently, it appears that the Kayapó megacities are in the hands of the socialist Left Party.
Other than the Kayapó, the Cree are the cylinder’s only merchant league, and they’ve got some news to report as well. After securing the Kwak capital of Tigwaxsti, Poundmaker has awarded himself the title of Prince of the Kwakwaka’wakw! Willie Seaweed is sure to be annoyed about this, but he doesn’t have much recourse to fight back about it.
Scrolling through the list of military dictatorships, we can also see that Ethan Allen has taken on the title of Strategos! This title indicates that Ethan Allen has taken the Partial Equity and Might-Based Legitimacy reforms.
Partial Equity reduces Unhappiness per city, but increases Unhappiness from Population; Might-Based Legitimacy increases Sovereignty when all cities have a unit garrison. Since Vermont controls all of one city, Partial Equity won’t do much good, but it should be easy to meet the Might-Based Legitimacy condition and speed up their rate of collecting reforms.
Just like we saw with Poundmaker before, we can see that Pretty Nose has adopted a title to reflect the enemy capital that she’s captured. Specifically, she’s declared herself the “Dictator of the Comanche,” making no secret of her intent to crush the Comanche population underfoot.
Government overview superfans will recall that Frederick William’s self-appointed anti-barbarian title was already in force in Episode 15, Scene 37, so I’ll avoid rehashing the analysis there and instead give a shout-out to the three monastic orders visible on this slide. Two of the monk-led civs are Tetouan and the Normans; apparently there’s something in the depths of the Mediterranean that drives its sailors into the church.
Finally, we can see that Olive Yang has crowned herself Emperor of the Romans; this surreal choice of title was recently highlighted by EW, who posted a Kokang-Roman Empire flag on the subreddit recently.
We can also see a few Peasant’s Republics on the map: Cambodia, Egypt, and Kyivan Rus. Olga is probably the most robust-looking of these civs, which isn’t a great omen for the long-term survivability of this government type.
And now, into the action! We start this episode in earnest by examining the ongoing Mali–Tetouan war, where it’s clear that Tetouan’s monastic government is poorly equipped for warfare. Fez is solidly in Malian control, and Mali’s Ton-Tigi cavalry is camping at the gates of Tetouan’s eponymous capital city. Sayyida does have SOME units ready to defend the city, but they’re pretty poorly positioned, so she’ll need luck on her side if she wants to keep Tétouan.
Meanwhile in Asia, we see our two Chinese civs at each other’s throats. Emperor Wu has mostly cleared out Yongle’s ground forces, and while the Ming fleet is respectable, a fleet won’t be able to prevent the Han from besieging the inland city of Nanjing.
Last episode, the Cree were flipping the Kwak city of Essipit; now, they’ve seized Mimkumlis as well, allowing them to reinforce their capture better. And, honestly, this seems like a wise pickup for the Cree in general— the fighting around Essipit could still go either way, but Mimkumlis is pretty much impossible for Willie to retake at the moment.
In addition to their war against the Kwakwaka’wakw, the Cree were laying siege to the Modoc capital at Captain Jack’s Stronghold— but it’s the Mohave who grab a knight and snipe the city for themselves! With this capture, Kintpuash of the Modoc is eliminated in 55th place.
The Modoc were never an especially robust competitor – from the start, they were slow to expand – but they were especially neutered after unnecessarily ceding their second city, Agawesh, to the Kwaks. Writing their eulogy is Denis Fonvizin, a playwright who was highly influential on Russian literary comedy… but if he’s unlucky, the Mohave will kill him too before he can present it.
Down in Australia, Timor-Leste keeps the pressure on the Yolngu. This war was something of a flipfest last episode, since Timor had no ground forces and Yolngu had no navy, but Timor is now reaping the benefits of its stronger production base. Wonggu is rapidly running out of land units, and Xanana still has plenty of ships to throw at the front. Milingimbi might flip once more, but if Xanana is smart then he’ll definitely be able to own it by war’s end.
In Central Asia, we can see Ahmad Shah Durrani luxuriating in his sprawling Afghan empire. He’s happy to show off to foreign dignitaries, including caravans from Yemen, Bengal, the Gokturks, the Permians, Han, Vladimir, and the Massagetae— plus, no fewer than four Indonesian scouts.
Durrani credits his success in part to the role of Friedrich Bayer, a Great Merchant who in our world founded the pharmaceutical giant Bayer (the inventor of aspirin!).
Not content with kicking the Ainu off of mainland Asia, Bumin Qaghan has begun laying siege to their capital city on Hokkaido. However, while Bumin is doing quite a lot of damage to Sat Poro Pet, he has no shot at taking the city unless he brings a melee unit to the front; maybe the carrack near Kengü Tarman, or the one at port in Kashgar.
The Wiradjuri–Maori war rages on, with Windradyne launching an assault on Potatau’s final Australian city, Maraekowhai. The Maori have only a skeleton crew defending the city, so it’s probably just a matter of time before this outpost is waving the Wiradjuri banner.
Up north, we can see the Yolngu launching their counteroffensive against Milingimbi— they’re poised to retake the city, but will they be able to keep it?
The Pandya have retaken their island colony of Thoothukudi, which Kilwa had briefly captured last episode. This city will probably remain in Pandya’s hands for the foreseeable future: without the element of surprise, Kilwa simply has too little manpower in this part of the world. By contrast, while the Pandya empire is small, it’s fairly well carpeted.
In unrelated news, the Cree and Mohave have made peace with the remaining Modoc units, so it seems Denis Fonvizin will be free to continue writing his plays.
Riding high off his elimination of the Philippines, Suharto decides to press his luck by declaring war on Kokang. According to the latest stat sheet, Kokang only has two-thirds the military manpower that Indonesia does— and at first glance, the Indonesian military seems to be more navally focused than Kokang’s. However, the raw numbers obscure the fact that Indonesia’s forces are pretty widely scattered. It’ll be an uphill battle for Suharto to walk out of this war with many gains, especially if he also wants to keep Cavite el Viejo.
Born and raised in Normandy, Robert Guiscard first traveled to Sicily as a mercenary, and was so successful that he managed to establish his own kingdom in the region. And now, he’s apparently bored of the kingdom he founded, so he’s ditched the Mediterranean and is offering his services to Botswana. At Guiscard’s direction, Botswana has built up a sizable army in its northern stretches— but interestingly, both Botswana and the Zulu seem to be hanging back from the battlefield right now. Besides a small skirmish north of Nongoma, this showdown has devolved into a cold war.
Bumin Qaghan listened to my advice and procured a melee unit! A Gokturk caravel goes swooping in to capture Sat Poro Pet. The Ainu have a handful of units nearby, so they may yet retake their capital, but we can see that Bumin has also moved his carracks into more useful positions. Unless Shakushain makes a very carefully timed peace deal, I predict that the city will ultimately end up in Gokturk hands.
Also, wow, Willie Seaweed is really pumping out those Hamatsa Dancers.
Wonggu retakes Milingimbi! The Timorese navy still has plenty of units at its disposal, but none in the immediate vicinity of the city. The Yolngu should try to get out of this war while their losses are minimal.
The panel in the upper left reminds us that Timor-Leste is at war with both the Yolngu and the Wiradjuri— and, now that Galiwinku is securely Timorese, there’s a Timor–Wiradjuri land border. However, the only unit interested in waging war along that border is a single Wiradjuri knight, who’s marching around in Galiwinku’s exurbs.
The Ming are gathering all their forces to defend Nanjing— including some high-tech Shenji Musketeers— but I think their biggest defensive asset is actually that one-tile lake west of the city. This small body of water is preventing the massive Han invasion force from assaulting the Ming capital in every direction at once.
Shakushain retakes his capital with a trireme, thus sparing both of his swordsmen on Hokkaido. He’s playing this wisely; by dragging out the flipfest as long as possible, he maximizes his odds of persuading Bumin to give up and let him keep his capital.
The Muisca establish Funza on the island of Bermuda! This city is wholly undefended, so if Roosevelt decides to mobilize that galleon fleet along the Eastern Seaboard, it’s pretty sure to flip. Still looks cool, though. Elsewhere in the Atlantic, we can see a handful of Gokturk scouts floating around, looking for other islands to claim.
As the Ming continue their defense of Nanjing, they procure a Treasure Fleet! This unique Great Admiral has extra sight and can purchase City-States, so— for a defensive war on a map with no city-states— it’s effectively a regular Great Admiral for them.
Nanjing’s health is continuing to chip away (it’s gone from high yellow to low yellow since last turn), but the Ming ground forces are growing, so they may still have a chance to turn this campaign around.
Tétouan has dropped to half of its health! And Mali has some carracks nearby to deal the finishing blow, if it comes to that. Thus far, it looks like Sundiata is being pretty scrupulous about mopping up Tetouani melee units, as well; has he finally learned from his past series of humiliations against Sayyida?
I won’t blame anyone for forgetting that the Ming and Inca were at war— I’d certainly forgotten, myself— but Tupac Yupanqui remembers! He’s discovered that the Ming colonized Hawaii, and he’s not happy. Guiyang will be hard for the Inca to attack, since it only borders one water tile, but the Inca may have enough galleons to brute-force the city regardless.
Maraekowhai burns! While the Maori do have one melee unit nearby (the Toa there is a Longswordsman replacement), its health is probably too low for it to retake the city. Thus, I can say confidently: the Maori have been driven entirely off of Australia. However, Windradyne cannot claim to be overlord of the continent until he deals with the Timorese, who— as we can see at the top edge of the image— have taken Milingimbi again.
In the heart of the Amazon lies the sprawling socialist megalopolis of Kremoro, from which Raoni Metuktire rules the Kayapó demesne. Raoni is also renowned as a patron of the arts— visible in this shot are all three types of cultural Great Person, and Raoni has just completed the Uffizi, a museum where he hopes to showcase their work.
We now zoom out to look at the South American continent more broadly. The Kayapó and Inca have a lengthy, but peaceful, border. To the north, we also see the Muisca, who seem quite happy with their captured port city of Baú. However, the Kayapó don’t seem interested in retaking the city at the moment; instead, they’re content to listen to the Romantic pianist Louis Moreau Gottschalk.
With Essipit and Mimkumlis firmly secured, the Cree are proceeding further westward, trying to find the best way to attack Xwalkw. The Kwakwaka’wakw defenses are pretty thin on the ground here; it seems like Willie is just relying on Alaska’s naturally defensive geography.
The sheer numbers of the Han army have overwhelmed the Ming’s Shenji Musketeers! Nanjing has fallen!
Yongle has a handful of land units still around, but with his closest melee units taking substantial damage, I don’t think he has great odds of retaking his capital. The Ming’s back might be broken.
Resentful that their handiwork is always being shipped to the Polynesian colonies, a group of disgruntled Inca artisans have taken up arms in the mountains south of Ollantaytambo. Normally, longswords are only issued to elite Inca soldiers, who undergo special training to enter the ranks of the Chaska Chuqui; however, these rebels are a motley group who have no particular expertise with the weapon. They may cause a mess, but they won’t be an existential threat to the regime.
Olive Yang overhears that some civs are settling the Antarctic, and reasons: “If they’re doing that, there must be something down there that’s worth owning!” Consequently, she settles Man Ton Par on one of the more livable outcrops, and sends another settler south to follow it.
The land war between Botswana and the Zulu is still pretty quiet – there are skirmishes around Nongoma and Maun, but they’re mostly inconclusive. However, the Zulu navy could be making a significant play— a flotilla of carracks is converging on Serowe, and while Botswana has a handful of galleasses around, they don’t have the kind of reinforcements that the Zulu do. Could Cetshwayo be reviving the idea of the backdoor squad?
Ireland had been resting on their laurels in Oviedo, but the war with Castile never ended! A fleet of galleasses travel north to Brittany to re-besiege the Oviedo, and some Jinetes are tagging along to deal the finishing blow. Will this city continue to flip back and forth, or does Collins want to just wash his hands of it?
Tupac Yupanqui’s fleet is converging on Guiyang, but he hasn’t yet figured out how to handle the city’s narrow harbor. Despite their naval superiority, the Inca have done only trivial damage to the city.
With Canute eliminated, Brandenburg has attained uncontested control of the Scandinavian peninsula. The Brandenburgers have also built up an impressive fleet, with wall-to-wall carracks throughout the Skagerrak. Examining Frederick William’s empire makes it clear why he’s a top-three civ in the power rankings, but I’d love to see him finish building his ships and start putting them into action.
There’s a fun time paradox on this slide: the message at the top of the screen announces that a citadel has been built near Chongjin, but if we look to the northeast of Chongjin, we can see that the Great General hasn’t been removed from the map yet. It looks like the Ming have grabbed a couple of tiles on the Korean peninsula, thanks to Kaifeng, and the North Koreans are seizing that land for themselves. An understandable choice, though personally I’d rather see North Korea resolve this one with outright warfare.
(In the corner of the slide, we can also see that Sat Poro Pet is back in Gokturk hands.)
Irataba of the Mohave is also making use of citadels: he’s grabbed the western and southern outskirts of Agawesh for himself. However, citadels aren’t the only thing that Agawesh has to worry about: Pretty Nose has just declared war on the Kwakwaka’wakw. Hamatsa Dancers aren’t going to be much help against the Arapaho musketmen now crossing the Rockies.
Thus far, the Kokang–Indonesia war seems to be waged purely on the high seas. Some ships are engaged between Muse and Cavite el Viejo, while others are operating northeast of Malolos. In Scene 35, we saw that Indonesia wasn’t in a Golden Age as of last turn, which means they can’t currently use their paradropping-boats ability; consequently, Suharto is forced to use frontal attacks like everybody else.
Also, notice on the sidebar that the Gokturks and Ainu have made peace! The Gokturks still hold the Ainu capital of Sat Poro Pet, which means Shakushain has been reduced to one city.
A clear sign that the Yolngu are screwed: Timor-Leste is about to lose Milingimbi… to the Wiradjuri.
As a matter of fact, it appears that Wonggu has literally zero land units still living. If he put his mind to it, Xanana Gusmão could probably eliminate the Yolngu without much trouble.
The eastern front (now the only front) of the Wiradjuri–Maori war seems pretty moribund: Potatau isn’t making much effort to retake Horahora, and Windradyne shows no interest in taking any of the other Maori cities. He seems more focused on completing the unification of his continent instead.
The America–Greenland war is also a bit of a stalemate these days. Plenty of ships have damaged (or sunk) each other, but no city is even scratched right now. I’m inclined to blame this impasse on lack of focus: a concerted push could potentially lead Greenland to take Montpelier, or America to take Egedesminde. Meanwhile, while poor Vermont has a carpet, it’s a hopelessly outdated one.
Oviedo falls to Castile! Though there’s one Irish pikeman on Brittany, and an Irish carrack nearby, Michael Collins isn’t in much of a position to repulse the Castilian advance. Also— I’ve just realized that the layout of cities prevents anyone from settling Cornwall. That might hamper Castile’s ability to press the offensive here.
“If you two can’t agree on who gets Milingimbi, then NOBODY will get it!”
With this pronouncement, Windradyne seizes the hotly contested city and sets fire to it. The city only has one citizen left, which means: unless Xanana can retake it within the turn (which, to be fair, is a possibility), Milingimbi will be razed into nothing.
Bizarrely, Botswana has chosen not to mobilize its galleass fleet, thus allowing Cetshwayo to attack Serowe with near-impunity. The on-land portion of the Botswana–Zulu war is still inconclusive, but unless Seretse Khama gets his house in order, he’ll wind up losing a city to this naval offensive.
Shuja-ud-Din Muhammad Khan, the ruler of Bengal, has constructed Versailles, a wonder that provides two Great Work of Art slots and +10% maximum Sovereignty. We’re also taking this opportunity to examine Chittagong, a Sumatran outpost that has been remarkably secure despite being almost entirely surrounded by Indonesia. Bengal has managed to avoid any existentially threatening wars (thanks in part to the mountains separating it from Kokang), so it’s been able to amass large cities like this in a relaxed manner.
We now zoom out from Chittagong to examine Southeast Asia more broadly. The Indonesia–Kokang war continues to be a meat grinder, but it’s important to note that Kokang is also at war with Cambodia! This war has also been pretty quiet thus far, but once Olive Yang takes out the front line of Cambodian pikemen, her tech advantage should carry her pretty smoothly to the gates of Phnom Penh.
Even in these hard times, Cambodia can at least enjoy the work of Shinichiro Watanabe, the anime director responsible for Cowboy Bebop and Samurai Champloo.
Despite their best trebucheting efforts, the Ming army has been unable to retake Nanjing. (Partial credit here has to go to the North Korean scout, a neutral party who’s blocking the main road to the city.) Wu is confident enough in his control of Nanjing that he’s progressing to Fuzhou, the westernmost city in the Ming empire.
The onetime Mughal emperor Akbar has stepped up as a Great General for Mali! However, we seem to have gotten the less-competent Akbar from CBR Mk. 2, given that the city of Tétouan doesn’t seem to have taken any damage since the last time we were over here. Furthermore, Sayyida has replenished her navy— while it might be too late for her to retake Fez safely, she’s well positioned to recapture Tétouan if it flips. Sundiata was looking good for a while there, but he could still blow it.
A single Timorese caravel is attacking the remote Wiradjuri city of Maynggu Ganai. A doomed effort, but I respect the chutzpah.
Sundiata settles Bure on a one-tile landmass that I *think* is Ascension Island. This isn’t likely to do him a whole lot of good, but I guess it at least prevents his rivals from making it into a forward base later.
In the Polynesian fringes of the Inca empire, a publisher named James Harper begins the firm that would eventually grow into HarperCollins. Meanwhile, Olive Yang discovers to her frustration that she can’t settle Fiji without infringing on someone’s territorial waters.
Xanana Gusmão managed to recapture Milingimbi before Windradyne could burn it completely to the ground! The Wiradjuri still have a few knights in the vicinity, but Gusmão doesn’t seem too concerned about them; instead, he’s moving onto the Yolngu capital of Yirrkala. A few trepidatious carracks are the only thing protecting Wonggu from annihilation right now.
(Also, you might be wondering why there are workers and Great Generals with the round icon of combat units— that’s because Timor-Leste’s UA, in which religious units grant a combat strength bonus to adjacent units, also affects units whose initial combat strength is zero.)
The Ming and Inca make peace, with Guiyang remaining safely in Yongle’s hands! I suppose Tupac Yupanqui has judged the city to be more trouble than it’d be worth.
(This trireme trapped to the east of Hawaii is possibly the only Central American unit we’ve seen all episode. Even though we were over in Bermuda in Scene 29.)
It’s not the Kowloonesque supercity that Kremoro is, but Mekrãgnoti is a highly impressive metropolis in its own right— and now, a metropolis that boasts the Taj Mahal! The Happiness boost will be useful given the Kayapó’s immense population, and a Golden Age is of course always appreciated.
…And the Kayapó wonder accumulation spree can continue, thanks to the emergence of their great engineer, Genyo Takeda! In our timeline, Takeda was one of the lead designers of the Nintendo Wii; given Kayapó’s runaway tech lead, they might hire him for a similar role here.
The hazardous terrain of the Rockies has prevented the Arapaho from doing much damage to Agawesh so far; the Arapaho have sent a Beniiinen (yes, three i’s!) to the front line, but as it’s a Knight replacement, it’s not well optimized for attacking a city. Still, while the Arapaho offensive has been slow-moving so far, their statistical lead is hard to deny. Pretty Nose just needs to keep the pressure on.
At the other end of the Kwakwaka’wakw empire, we can see that Xwalkw has only taken minor damage so far. Again, rough terrain proves to be Willie’s biggest ally here, since he’s pumping out his unique scouts at the expense of any unit with appreciable combat strength.
Yirrkala falls! Not only does this add a second capital to the Timorese empire, it also means that Wonggu of the Yolngu has been eliminated in 54th place.
Wonggu was quick to doom himself to being the “junior partner” of the Australian duo, as Windradyne had been much more enthusiastic about settling. Instead, the Yolngu built up a small core, but with a defensive army that protected them throughout past Wiradjuri–Yolngu wars. However, once Wonggu’s navy fell into obsolescence, Timor-Leste was able to launch a seaborne invasion that ground the Yolngu into nothing.
Cetshwayo’s naval strategy worked! The Zulu take Serowe, and set the city ablaze. The Tswana army consists mostly of ranged units and knights, so they’ll have trouble retaking it; however, these forces have been able to keep the Zulu ground forces at bay, so Serowe probably isn’t the beginning of a serious collapse.
Botswana’s only other coastal city, Francistown, is protected by a wall of galleasses, so that will be a tough nut to crack from the sea; realistically, I expect that Serowe will be the only city Cetshwayo flips in this war.
Kim il-Sung had such a fun time dropping his last citadel that he’s decided to do it again! This time, he planted the citadel on Jeju Island, thereby seizing the northern stretches of Kaifeng’s territorial waters. I wonder if North Korea is planning to attack Mori again? The newly Korean sea lanes provide a new angle of access to Mori seaspace.
The Han vanguard begins attacking Fuzhou in earnest— but this vanguard consists mainly of knights, so it’s little surprise that Fuzhou has taken only minor damage. Meanwhile, Nanjing continues to languish in the red health, although Ming doesn’t seem able to project enough power to retake it.
The North Korean scout, meanwhile, is proceeding south toward the Kokang border. He’s heard that some crazy things are legal down there.
Unsatisfied with Akbar’s generalship, Mali has added Canaqueese— in our timeline, a Mohawk war chief and mediator— to their command structure. I can’t blame Sundiata for changing tacks here; not only has Tétouan failed to fall, but the city’s health is trending upward. Despite how many Malian units are up by Fez, they seem unable to project power as far north as the Tetouani capital.
Down in southern Africa, Botswana is putting a solid amount of pressure on the Zulu ground forces near Ulundi. At the same time, the Zulu advance toward Francistown seems to be collapsing. It might be about time for Cetshwayo to take Serowe and go home, before the war’s tide starts to turn.
Mali continues its expansion into the South Atlantic by settling Bambouk! This one seems to be built on Saint Helena. The seas around Bambouk are thick with crabs, so the appeal of this island— unlike Bure— is pretty apparent.
With his brutal conquest of the Yolngu, Xanana Gusmão has attracted the attention of Cesare Borgia, who enrolls in his service as a Great General! Gusmão is probably happy to have this general on his side, as the Wiradjuri are continuing to attack the Timorese territories in Australia; in particular, an expeditionary force is closing in on Galiwinku.
Xanana also celebrates his recent victories by building a wonder, Harmandir Sahib, in his capital city of Díli. This wonder gives its owner Culture for every Merchant specialist; we’ve seen Timor-Leste pumping out Great Merchants in the recent past, so it does indeed seem like they’ll get good mileage out of this one.
“The Irish are deploying a new kind of ship!” cry the panicked lookouts at Oviedo. “I’d recognize that green banner anywhere.” Their commander grabs the telescope and looks for himself, before ultimately saying: “...Those crewmen aren’t Irish. In fact, I don’t know WHO they are.” (We have more information than this commander, though; this ship, we can assert confidently, is a Kayapó privateer.)
In any case, now that the newcomer is proven not to be an Irish invasion force, Isabella is comfortable sending her armada north to the Irish Sea. “Don’t come back,” she tells them, “unless you can bring me Dublin.”
Though the Inca put down their artisans’ uprising earlier, a copycat rebellion springs up along the Inca–Muisca border. In particular, these disaffected longswordsmen are attacking Guatavita; as with their precursors, they’re a nuisance to the major civs, but not more than that.
We also get an actual image of Central American territory! That trapped trireme isn’t alone!
The size of the Arapaho army has allowed them to overrun the defenders of Agawesh; the city still holds on by a thread, but it’s surrounded by melee units, so it’s sure to fall in just a turn or two.
Willie Seaweed talks the Cree into a peace deal! In order to secure his survival, he also throws in Tzatsisnukomi as a gift— but Poundmaker, unimpressed, sets the city on fire. (Xwalkw, meanwhile, wasn’t offered in the peace deal but was actually captured by force. It, too, is now burning.)
However, the real cause of this peace deal isn’t anything to do with the Cree. Instead…
…As a final insult to the Arapaho, Willie Seaweed gives away Agawesh to the Cree, just seconds before Pretty Nose was about to capture it. I respect the spite.
Azykay, leader of the formerly top-ranked Permians, misses being the top dog on the cylinder. So, when he sees the currently top-ranked Tuva declare war on the Massagetae, Azykay naturally mimics him. To become number one, you first need to think like a number one.
This is, of course, bad news for Tomyris; although she has plenty of units, the majority of them are pretty outmoded. As for the two invaders: the Permians seem most able to win big here. The main Tuva–Massagetae border is obstructed by Lake Balkhash, forcing Kuular to funnel through a narrow passage (or deal with the hassle of embarking) to reach any Massagetae cities; conversely, Azykay is well positioned to attack Tomyris from multiple sides. Finally, I note the southern Tuvan exclave of Izhma, a poorly defended bit of bordergore that’s likely to end up in Massagetae hands when all is said and done.
Lately, Akhenaten has been trying to just keep his head down and avoid getting killed. For a while, this strategy was working pretty well! But now, the Angolans have just announced “Hey, these guys are still kicking around in Northeast Africa.” Can Angola personally do much about it? Not really. But if the call to action alerts Chad, then Egypt’s peaceful days might be over.
After his successful war against the Ainu, Bumin Qaghan has been looking for another weak civ to pick on— and now he’s found a promising target in the Kwakwaka’wakw. Willie Seaweed has three cities left, and each one has a lengthy border with the Gokturks; the Kwaks will need a serious dose of luck, and some smart plays, to make it out of this war alive.
As Nanjing steadily recovers, Wu ramps up the intensity of his siege of Fuzhou. His attack force has shrunk from what it was at the start of the episode, but it’s still strong enough to be doing some serious damage to Fuzhou and its two-unit defense force.
Kilwa, accepting the fact that they don’t have the manpower to threaten Thoothukudi any more, gives up and makes peace with the Pandya. As much as she’s probably happy to be done with the war, I can’t help but imagine Alli Rani is also a little lonely in peacetime. She’s in a pretty isolated corner of the world.
Peace still reigns in South America, where the Kayapó have gotten bored of Gottschalk’s piano work and are instead captivated by Vincenzo Bellini’s operas. However, the peace is not absolute; in the far northwest corner, it appears that the Muisca are still struggling with their barbarian uprising.
Azykay’s army is composed, in large part, of Batyrs— unique knights that can attack twice if they’ve captured a religious unit the turn before, and who turn into a settler if killed during a Golden Age. However, Tomyris is fairly irreligious, and I have no idea whether the Permians are in a Golden Age, so let’s just think of them as knights for now. Specifically, knights who are about to cross lances with Tomyris’ own cavalry in an internecine joust across Central Asia.
Semiramis confirms my speculations: when Robert Guiscard took on a generalship with Botswana, it wasn’t out of the goodness of his heart, but as a reconnaissance-gathering mission! He’s now plotting against Botswana, but— given the vast distance between Botswana and the Norman lands— the plot may be a bit stillborn.
In our last look at southern Africa tonight, we can also see that the Botswana–Zulu war has returned to a stalemate.
The Indonesia–Kokang war, however, is a former stalemate that’s now heating up! Now that he’s fielding galleons, Suharto has punched through the Kokang fleet and is launching a full-throated naval siege of Muse. This theater will be worth watching in the next episode.
The episode’s final look at the Bering Strait region shows that Bumin has almost immediately plunged Dzawadi into the red— understandably, given that the city is defended by embarked scouts. We can also see that Poundmaker has stopped his razing, in order to bring Tzatsisnukomi and Xwalkw fully into the Cree fold.
And now we’re onto our very final scene of the week! This one takes us to Central Asia, where the Permian–Tuva joint invasion force is still in the early stages of its attack. The first city to take damage, therefore, is the isolated Izhma! Kuular’s feelings for this city seem to begin and end with “apathy,” so he probably won’t be too shaken if he loses it. As his creator, though, I’m hoping the defenders of Izhma manage to pull through :b
And that brings us to the end of Episode 18! Once again, I’ve been TopHatPaladin. I hope you’ve enjoyed the narration, and it’s been a pleasure to take you through this week’s edition of the CBR!