Civ Battle Royale April 19, 2023
NopeCopter
The cylinder shakes. Empires will fall, regional power dynamics will be turned on their head, and millions of lives will be turned to cinders. Make sure to buckle up, because it’s a long way down.
Hello and welcome back to the Civilization Battle Royale X3! I’m NopeCopter, aka u/daXfactorz, and it is an absolute honor to be narrating this week. After all the action of the past few episodes, what could possibly be coming next? Well… you’ll just have to wait and see.
Vihreaa’s maps continue to dazzle as they provide an incredibly insightful bird’s-eye view of the entire cylinder. Make sure to take it all in, because the world will never be the same again.
The subreddit has been chock-full of quality original content and shitposts this week, but in the end, I have to feature u/Orangechrisy’s iconic American Dreams comic once more. Will the Mohave toss their fancy new paperweight off the proverbial table today? Only one way to find out.
Once again, a massive thank-you to all of the Ko-Fi patrons who make this show possible! Your donations truly do make a difference.
The latest Power Rankings were a historic moment for the Civilization Battle Royale, as for the first time ever, a civilization initially ranked 61st by the Power Rankers going into the season has been declared the most powerful civilization in the game. Timor-Leste’s back-to-back-to-back victories against the Wiradjuri, Indonesia, and Tuva have shown us all that they’re more than just an impressive-looking island civilization: they’re a genuine contender for the crown, and first in line at that. Now it’s time to see if they can keep their hard-earned top spot for another episode. Let the action commence!
We open with a shot of Chile’s mounting invasion of Rio de la Plata. This once-passable civilization has been reduced to the city of Tucuman, now only defended by a unit of Pikemen and a unit of Crossbowmen. Chile’s plan of attack seems to involve an opening Cuirassier push backed up by a veritable army of Skirmishers for suppressive fire. They’ve also sent in some Workers… perhaps just to act as meat shields. Chile is a Peasant’s Republic after all, so the peasants need to put in some work.
Despite the action to their south, though, the Kayapo barely seem concerned - their military presence in the area has all but disintegrated, save for the aircraft stationed in Machu and Salta. Perhaps the Kayapo simply don’t take Chile seriously as a threat… is it because of their technological advantage, or something more?
Surrounded by great powers on all fronts, the people of Muisca have grown anxious and discontent. Steel ships sail the seas in the Caribbean and Pacific, and the Mohave soldiers who patrol the border now resemble those in the jungles of the Kayapo, while Muisca scientists have simply been unable to reverse-engineer the bizarre technologies used. Nemenque surely knows that his odds for survival in the long term are dwindling, but he also knows that simply wallowing in anxiety will get him and his people nowhere. It is time for the Muisca to look inward, to stop fearing their neighbors and start loving themselves. It is time… for Nationalism!
Sergey Vasilyevich Ivanov, a world-renowned painter born in Vladimir now hiding away in Afghan borderlands, surveys the barren wastes of Central America. This war-torn land is now devoid of troops, with Permian forces all redirected up north to fight the Tuvan threat. There is still the odd soldier passing by, however - after a long period of deliberation, the Afghan government has decided to allow the Lithuanian Legion, a rogue contingent apparently hailing from Europe, to assault Asir without interference. The Great Southern Citadel Wall will surely prevent their invasion from succeeding, but Ivanov hardly cares. After all, what’s a few more corpses to this nation-wide graveyard?
Up north, the Tuvan military is having much greater success than the Lithuanians. Arys has been bombed into the black, and a Cavalry-led push on Jaxartes has taken the city into the yellow. Permian soldiers hold the line for now, but with their forces exhausted in the Afghan Campaign and Tuvan airplanes bringing death from the sky, it’s unclear how long they can last even with their superior firearms.
A heroic Gokturk Cavalry force has pushed the Cree off of Hokkaido, and while the Gokturk Caravel fleet may have sunk, they’ve taken most of the Cree navy along with them. This success has come at the cost of Gaocheng, which is now firmly in Poundmaker’s hands, but the Cree invasion has completely run out of steam. The Cree are resorting to useless embarked Artillery, which is hardly a good sign for their war efforts. That said, there is a cheeky little Mori assault that’s attempting to snipe Sat Poro Pet while the Gokturks are distracted, so Bumin Qaghan can’t rest easily just yet.
Up north, the Tuvan-Permian War has slowed down somewhat. The Tuvans have captured Beshbaliq, but without any units to reinforce the city, the northern half of the Permian military seems likely to take it back. Meanwhile, the southern half of the Permian military has formed a war defending Jaxartes from any Tuvan pushes. Really, though, the Tuvan military seems content to let the Permians make the next move, with Skirmishers, Artillery, and aircraft lined up to slaughter the enemy as they approach. The Permians’ own Artillery can counteract this somewhat, but with only half the manpower and half the Production base, going on the offensive at all is a horrible idea.
Ataturk has finished construction of the Pentagon, a veritable fortress of a military headquarters. Financed through the sale of countless priceless relics stolen from Kyivan monasteries and designed by the leading minds of the cylinder, this World Wonder reduces the Gold cost of upgrading military units by a staggering 33%. For a nation as scientifically-driven as Turkey, this Wonder is an incredible addition to their repertoire… and Ataturk knows this. Midway through his personal tour of the facility to his most trusted generals and clan leaders, he leads the group into a small, dark room, well-fortified even by the building’s standards. Once everybody is inside, he locks the doors, turns on a small, orange light, and takes a seat. His eyes are piercing. After a small moment, he begins to speak.
“Gentlemen… I have a proposition.”
Brandenburg’s mighty air force, unmatched in all of Europe, has allowed them to reclaim Zagreb once more. Brandenburg’s military is certainly quite impressive compared to the Yugoslav army, which seems rather scattered. However, Tito is no coward and no fool. A line of Artillery continues to batter Zagreb and keep the Brandenburg military from establishing a proper presence in the city, while a small flanking contingent in the west is moving to disrupt activities in the undefended city of Konigsberg. Yugoslavia may be on the back foot right now, but the Brandenburgers can hardly coast to an easy victory just yet.
Idriss Deby, Dictator of the Chadian State, may rule his nation with an iron fist, but that doesn’t mean he can’t suck up to the global order and adopt Communism! The proletariat finally have a voice in the Chadian government, it’s just that Deby is the only one allowed to speak with it. He knows exactly what they all want, though, so it’s okay. See? The nation’s in a Golden Age! Deby is so smart.
Onto more serious matters, the Chadian military is actually pretty terrifying, with a massive, modern carpet blanketing the Nile… or at least, it would be terrifying, if it wasn’t almost completely devoid of melee units. Even if Chad did go to war with somebody right now, it’d probably just end up being a meatgrinder. It’s better than having no carpet like the Normans, at least.
Tralee has once again fallen into the hands of Greenlandic raiders. At this point it’s par for the course, so Michael Collins of Ireland simply orders a couple of Field Guns to go fire some warning shots into their hulls. (The warning is for the next ships that come by.) However, Ireland may soon have more pressing matters than flipping Tralee back: Greenlandic Frigates have begun to approach Dublin, and with the Irish navy in shambles, the Irish capital could be in jeopardy within a matter of turns.
Kilwa declares war on the worn-down Irish nation, but of course, nothing is going to come of it. You know this, I know this, Ali ibn al-Hassan knows this. Kilwa doesn’t really care much about the Civilization Battle Royale any more, they’ve had their fun. They have defensible borders and a respectable navy but no more reasonable targets, so they’re just kicking back and having fun with the time they have left. The Pirate Party Horde has been a great source of entertainment for the new Yemeni and Timorese arrivals in the region, and Kilwa Explorers are seeking to expand their shenanigans inland toward Angolan lands. Not like they’ve been doing anything else for the past several centuries.
Suddenly, all at once, the Caucasus erupt into fire and smoke. Engines roar to life as the steel-clad treads of the Turkish Horde begin to trample all in their path. Turkey has declared war on the Permians, and Azykay could not be more unprepared. The entire Permian army is currently stationed around Uros, most likely headed to reinforce the comically-large swarm of Uhlans above Jaxartes. The Permian fleet in the Caspian is being torn apart like paper-mache by only a few Turkish Destroyers and Cruisers - in fact, Tamantarkhan has already fallen!
Turkey’s military is made up of a smattering of highly-advanced units, such as Landships, Tanks, Anti-Tank Guns, and even Rocket Artillery. The bulk of the forces are vehicles, fitting for a Nomadic Horde, but leading the charge on the already heavily-damaged Adana is one of Turkey’s UUs, the Kuva-Yi Milliye. These Great War Infantry replacements may be weaker, but they do begin with Drill I for bonus strength in rough terrain. Make no mistake, though: with or without their Unique Unit, Turkey is fully prepared to tear into the Permians. The only question now is how far they’ll be able to push.
Lithuania… does not take the opportunity to dogpile on the Permians. Their military is still a far cry from what it once was, after all, and they need open borders to continue their (floundering) invasion of the Massagetae. They’d rather adopt the monastic lifestyle of their Kyivan neighbors and declare a holy war on the Kokang for their worldly vices. Still, Gediminas seems more than happy to let Turkish Landships pass through on their way to Vladimir. I guess Lithuania is helping out in spirit.
Speaking of spirits, though, Lithuania really is just a husk of its former self right now. Despite their size, their stats are fairly mediocre across the board, and their land forces are practically nonexistent outside of the very south of their empire. They have a respectable Baltic fleet, but it’s completely trapped by the equally-impressive Brandenburg navy. At this point, the only difference between Lithuania and the Permians is that the Turkish guns aren’t stopping to shoot one of them.
With the Bering Strait now basically devoid of ships, the Gokturks take the opportunity to make peace with the Cree. Honestly, this was probably a better deal for the Cree - their navy has been largely reduced to a bunch of embarked units, while the Gokturks still have a pretty sizable fleet just west of Sakhalin. Thanks to the peace deal, Poundmaker’s grip on the Bering Strait has been secured for the time being, which isn’t something the Gokturks can really afford at this point. Still, this peace allows the Gokturks to focus on the surprisingly tenacious Mori assault coming from their south, which means Sat Poro Pet is probably safe.
The Mohave have declared war on Kokang! While this war might seem irrelevant at first glance, the Mohave fleet is more than capable of sailing across the Pacific to assault the Kokang core holdings at this point. Kokang’s defenses are probably too high for any real Mohave gains in Southeast Asia, but considering their technological prowess and naval presence, capturing a city or two wouldn’t be impossible.
Before any of that, though, Chan Tee Ai is almost certain to fall. Surrounded by a dozen Mohave ships and defended by only a single aircraft, a Skirmisher, and some unidentified naval unit, this city was doomed the moment Mohave guns started pointing in its direction. It’s already in the yellow, and any one of those Mohave Ironclads, Privateers, or Ships of the Line could probably take the city on their own if they were to move in.
Beshbaliq has returned to Permian hands, but it’s little solace for the dwindling Permian military. Hordes of Skirmishers bear down on the bears in Emdin, where a few scattered units desperately hold the line. A new Tuvan push seems to be forming west of Iskor which looks set to wipe out all Beshbaliq defense forces, while Beshbaliq’s Artillery garrison has been annihilated since we last saw this front. But worst of all, in the south, a small contingent of Tuvan Landships have punched directly through the Permian southern defensive line and are now headed directly for the bombed-out city of Pyras. The Permian front line holds for now, albeit barely, but the Tuvans are slowly wearing it down through a combination of ranged firepower and vehicular shock troops, and the Permians no longer have the manpower to replenish it.
The Permian defense is performing even worse on the southern front, as Azykay’s forces are quite literally not even trying to stop the Turkish advance. That said, it’s not as though it would make much of a difference if they did - as seen in the Caspian, Turkey’s forces are so far above those of the Permians that they might as well not be there. Adana has already been flattened by Turkish treads; Atil, while defended by at least a few units, is already taking damage and is on the verge of being crushed by Infantry and Tanks; and Turkish Landships are currently making their way toward Vladimir and Balanjar completely unopposed.
The Permians do have a sizable military around Uros, but it hasn’t moved since we last saw it. The Lord of Uros has evidently decided that, while he could send aid to the rest of King Azykay’s domains, doing so would only seal his own city’s fate while not actually achieving much due to the sheer number of fronts his troops would be split between. Will he be remembered as a traitor to the Permian cause? Perhaps. But this is the only chance he has to save his city, or any of the Permian domains for that matter.
The Chilean assault of Tucuman, despite its overwhelming advantage in theory, has run into some… interesting problems. The Chilean Skirmishers, while large in number and advanced compared to La Plata’s defense force, are simply not capable of doing much more than harassing the outskirts of the city. Similarly, Chile’s Cuirassiers are not meant for capturing cities, and are currently seemingly waiting for the Skirmishers to bring the city into capturing range before they strike… but the Skirmishers aren’t doing that. Meanwhile, Chile’s Field Guns and Line Infantry are sitting around doing nothing far from the front lines, despite the fact that they’d be significantly more useful in this scenario. All of this means that what should be the easiest military success Chile could hope for has instead turned into a joke. Heck, Rio de la Plata’s Pikeman isn’t even dead yet!
Osip Kozlovsky, one of Chile’s unique Cantors and famous Russian composer in our world, is attempting to encourage the Chilean military to let the thunder of victory rumble, but the overly-cautious and demoralized Chilean troops are only capable of unleashing a light rain.
Despite being reduced to an ineffectual buffer state, the Ming confederacy refuse to give up on trying to crawl their way back to relevance. Their assault on the North Korean port of Chongjin is currently yielding no results, but they have plenty of ships and both of their UUs to keep up the pressure. The Inca have declared war on this scrappy rump state, but while the war could hypothetically be relevant, there are no Inca ships nearby to interrupt Yongle’s invasion of Korea right now. That said, if the Ming keep tossing their precious ships at Chongjin until they’ve exhausted their supply, we could actually possibly see an Inca colony across the Pacific.
Aside from Ming shenanigans, though, this slide also provides a great opportunity to check in on Han. The southeast of this mighty horde is still practically devoid of soldiers, but in the southwest near Jianye, a sizable (albeit fairly outdated) force is beginning to coalesce. The Han Infantry scattered about are a good sign that Han might be able to hold the line better the next time Kokang comes knocking, but all those Artillery guns along the border would still certainly be difficult to handle. Han really needs to start building up again, or their newfound great power status could easily come crashing down in the event of a proper invasion.
What, you didn’t forget that Kokang and the Mohave shared a border in the middle of Central Asia, did you? I sure hope you didn’t, because the two autonomous city-states of Avi Mota and Nar Le are off to war by the wishes of their overlords! Nar Le is well-defended by a respectable collection of Artillery pieces (carefully being observed by fellow Artillery-lovers Yugoslavia), but while Avi Mota’s military mostly consists of Cavalry and Great War Infantry, they do at least have units that can actually capture cities. Couple that with their higher number of aircraft, and it feels safe to assume that if this ridiculous war doesn’t stalemate, it’ll be Avi Mota tearing down the walls of Nar Le, rather than the other way around.
As expected, the Mohave navy has secured control over Chan Tee Ai without much issue. The city provides no real benefit aside from denying Kokang a forward base at a later date, but it is a welcome morale-booster. The Mohave fleet can now safely make its way toward more central Kokang territory, but any successes from here on out will probably take much more effort to achieve.
On the topic of invading far-flung island colonies, though, it seems like the Inca fleet is attacking the Ming colony of Guiyang in Hawaii. Unlike Chan Tee Ai, this city is a veritable island fortress, so the Inca might actually struggle to capture it, but I’d be amazed if they didn’t take it eventually.
Tuva’s cheeky Landship blitz toward Pyras has succeeded brilliantly, with the city now in Donduk Kuular’s hands. A larger force trailing behind the heroic Landship has cleaned up most of the remaining Permian resistance around Pyras, conveniently also leaving the Permian capital of Pelym wide open. Two more Landships are already making a break for the prize city, and although the Permians have Landships of their own scattered about, they simply can’t seem to put in the same level of work, probably due to the lack of ranged supporting fire to clear out obstacles. That, and of course the fact that the Permians are hilariously outnumbered. Beshbaliq is now unquestionably in Tuvan hands, and Emdin has been knocked down to zero health with only a token force keeping it safe. In slightly better news, the military garrison around Uros has begun to defend Vilyada as well, which should at least slow any Tuvan efforts in the south.
In a surprising turn of events, a Yugoslav Cavalry charge has managed to not only retake Zagreb but also split Brandenburg’s front line! It seems as though a second Yugoslav push may be crossing the Alps to strike at Potsdam, too, even if the tight corridor will probably prevent any actual success on this front. Brandenburg’s own Cavalry, aided by Riflemen, seem to be attempting an encirclement, but it doesn’t seem to be going all too well. Amina, known in real life as a conqueror queen of Zazzau (in modern-day Nigeria) who made great use of cavalry and walls, attempts to use her expertise to re-assert a defensive line along Brandenburg’s own Great Wall, but this is still a pretty embarrassing state for the supposed masters of Europe to be in even if the Yugoslav counter-offensive can be halted.
Holy shit, the Maori have declared war on Wira- wait, no, hold on, that’s just Castile. Sigh. At least the Maori have finally reached the Industrial Era, which might be worth something.
Honestly, the Maori navy, while a bit outdated, doesn’t look half bad for their corner of the world. It’s mostly made up of Galleasses, which can’t capture cities, but they have enough melee land units to make up for that. If it wasn’t for the half-dozen Wiradjuri planes stationed right in the middle of the Maori core, they could probably put up a decent fight if they were to attack their mainland rival. Maybe they can try after Timor-Leste roughs them up a bit more.
The Turkish army continues to wash over the Permian Caucasus unopposed, tearing into Atil while also sweeping toward Balanjar in the same movement. What’s more, Ataturk’s horde hardly seems to have diminished in size at all since the outset of the war; if anything, it almost looks like it’s grown since the last time we saw it! By contrast, the Permian fleet in the Caspian Sea has been halved in size over the past turn or so as the Turkish Destroyers do exactly what their name would imply. If there’s any good news for the Permians here, it’s that more of their cities have at least a few units defending them now. Evidently the Lord of Uros is feeling merciful and has finally agreed to send his troops to reinforce neighboring cities. That, or he’s been replaced by someone more sympathetic to the Permian cause at large.
The Tuvan front continues to move west as the blue-and-gold empire captures both Edmin and Arys (a city in the Hindu Kush). The Permians have been all but wiped out in the far north by the ever-advancing Tuvan military, but they’re having slightly better luck further south with troops stationed around Pelym and the newly-recaptured Pyras. However, Tuva’s infamous Landship charges haven’t stopped yet, and both of these cities look to be in danger of a lightning-fast assault if the Permians can’t reorganize their troops quickly. Meanwhile, any attempts at Permian counter-attacks have been easily halted by Tuva’s ample supply of Artillery, although it’s not as though a single Landship here and there is much of a danger anyways. Clearly, two Landships is the magic number.
The Gokturks, now definitively trapped in Siberia, are nevertheless slowly rebuilding after their back-to-back wars with Han and the Cree. Their army is decently-sized, albeit somewhat scattered and too heavy on Cavalry and ranged units, while their navy is still in surprisingly excellent condition. At the very least, they certainly have more military presence here than Han, who just have a couple of melee units lazily patrolling the border. Tuva and North Korea are both much more interested in reinforcing this area of the world, although one of these two is clearly a lot scarier than the other. North Korea’s military is so outdated that the Gokturks could probably wipe them out right now if they just moved the bulk of their forces east a bit first. Regardless of what they could do, though, the Gokturks should probably focus on defeating the Mori first before bothering with any more land conquests.
Ahh, the Normans. The masters of the Mediterranean, the scourge of North Africa, and one of the mightiest civilizations that’s still totally screwed at this point. While their navy is impressive, they’re pretty much out of easy targets to slam it into, save for a couple of Malian colonies. Anything else would require either navigating the narrow straits around the Balkans or contending with Turkey’s Destroyer armada, neither of which are reasonable. (For those unaware, Destroyers have more than double the Combat Strength of Privateers.)
On the other hand, the Norman ground forces are simply a figment of Robert Guiscard’s imagination. There can’t be more than half a dozen military units in all of Norman North Africa, and if Mali or Chad were to ever wake up, these cities would pretty much disintegrate on impact. The Norman holdings in Europe aren’t much better off, even ignoring how much land has been taken from them by Yugoslav and Turkish Citadels. Perhaps Robert Guiscard has an ace up his sleeve, but honestly, this might be the most impressive-looking shot of the Normans we’ll ever get.
Speaking of Mali, looking at their lands paints quite a fascinating picture. King Sundiata has evidently become obsessed with equestrianism lately, because Cavalry have come to make up the bulk of the Malian military, dotting the Sahel and Sahara. Unfortunately, scattered mounted units aren’t exactly the best at capturing cities. I may have to take back what I said about Norman North Africa, to be honest - Mali doesn’t look to be in a position to coordinate a proper assault on Split right now even if they wanted to. It’s a shame, too, because there are plenty of ill-defended exclaves that Mali could greatly benefit from mopping up. I do have to wonder what the purpose of all this Cavalry is, though. Is it a status symbol in Malian society? Or is Mali simply not interested in conquest at all, preparing to raid and pillage instead? We may never know.
Looking to distract from the disastrous Tucuman Campaign, Salvador Allende of Chile announces that his nation has adopted a Communist government. Now it’s not his fault that the La Plata rump state is still practically at full health, it’s the people’s fault! More specifically, it’s the fault of that wall of Skirmishers refusing to let more useful units onto the front lines while simultaneously refusing to actually fire on the city instead of defending against the mighty La Plata Crossbowman. Just ignore the fact that his nation has been a People’s Republic for some time now.
The Mori navy is making one final push against the Gokturk fleet, but without the Cree distracting the bulk of the firepower, they simply stand no chance. The Gokturks have more ships to work with and greater freedom of mobility, allowing them to simply envelop the Mori assault and tear it apart. There doesn’t seem to be any more reinforcements coming from Miiri-Takamatsu at this point, either, so once this is over, the Gokturk counter-offensive can begin. Mori has been putting up an impressive fight all things considered, but they should probably be suing for peace right now while they still have some bargaining power.
While one member of East Asia’s three stooges makes their heroic last stand, the other two are locked in combat further south. Incredibly, Ming’s ships have managed to bring Chongjin down to two-thirds health, and North Korea’s land army is beginning to thin. What’s more, there’s no hope of a North Korean naval reinforcement, either: due to how the borders of Han and Mori are positioned, Chongjin is completely cut off from North Korea’s other coastlines. Ming still has plenty of ships… could we be witnessing the start of a comeback here?
In case you were wondering about Rio de la Plata’s antarctic island cities and whether San Martin could flee Tucuman if/when the city falls, unfortunately that isn’t an option anymore. Mizque has been given to the Kayapo, and La Rioja has been burned off of the map entirely. If Chile gets its act together and captures Tucuman, that’ll be it for Rio de la Plata.
It is a shame that Chile’s fairly impressive navy won’t get any action in this war, but if they were to attack the Kayapo right now, Mizque would be a ridiculously easy grab. Those green-and-gold ships patrolling the island’s coastline? Those all belong to the Inca. You can tell because the shade of green is darker. Of course, Chile would probably have bigger concerns than a random frozen outpost if they went to war with the Kayapo of all civs, but it’s nice to think that a hypothetical war might not be a total loss. For a civ as boxed in as Chile, they need to take what they can get, figuratively and literally.
Arys and Emdin flip back to Tuvan hands as the Permians continue to struggle for survival. Here in Central Asia, where the Afghans once ruled, a modest defensive line has been constructed out of Riflemen and Artillery to halt the push on Jaxartes, Pyras, and Vilyada. For now, it seems to be working; the rough terrain and lack of Landships seems to be limiting the Tuvan advance down here. On the other hand, Turkey has managed to seize Atil, bringing themselves one step closer to victory, while the remains of the Permian fleet in the Caspian desperately defend Izhkar from Turkish Ironclads. With more and more state-of-the-art Turkish soldiers making their way to the front lines and the Tuvans seemingly gearing up for another push near Oxus, it’s hard to imagine the Permians holding onto any of this land for much longer.
(Also of Note: With Tamantarkhan in Turkish hands, the Lithuanian Legion has opted to abandon their invasion of the Massagetae and head back home… despite the fact that they also have open borders with Turkey.)
Let’s take a quick break from all of the action to view the status of the world’s governments, shall we?
Mali is the world’s only proper Empire m at this point in time (though Sundiata Keita has also assumed the title of Grand Master of Tetouan), with the United Voice (which was apparently, in our world, a long-standing trade union in Australia) as the dominant force in politics. Clearly Sundiata isn’t much of an Emperor after all.
Botswana, meanwhile, is the world’s only Merchant League, with Mayor Seretse Khama sharing power with an elite class of Aristocrats. Their economy probably isn’t doing so hot right now, though, considering all of their key ports and trading partners have been getting eaten lately.
Chad is the first of many Military Dictatorships, nominally a Communist state under the “Society Path of Chad” but certainly still dominated by Idriss Deby himself.
On the other hand, Yugoslavia appears to be a slightly more democratic dictatorship, with Tito willing to share just a bit of power in this time of crisis. But not too much.
To contrast the previous two at least nominally Communist dictatorships, North Korea is a good ol’ classic old-fashioned military dictatorship, keeping the peasants in line with their big stupid unit carpet. One has to wonder how this war with Ming will affect their grip on the populace.
The Cree state is a bizarre fusion of dictatorship and democracy, with Poundmaker taking on the title of President and evidently allowing for something resembling political parties in his nation. Still, make no mistake: at the end of the day, what Poundmaker says, goes.
The Normans, on the other hand, have taken the concept of a dictatorship in a wholly different direction. With the support of the National Unity Wing, Robert Guiscard has driven the Norman State further and further under his iron grip, hoping to create an army of true believers willing to purge the unworthy and give up their lives for the glory of the Norman master race… maybe it’s a good thing they’re confined to the Mediterranean.
The Pashalik of the Massagetae, while nominally under the iron grip of Tomyris, acts more as an autonomous vassal of whoever it needs to at any given time. Up until recently, they were under the domain of Afghanistan, but now they’ve surely fallen under the Turkish sphere of influence.
Here’s our next page of governments.
Bengal has become a Dictatorship with a fascinating ecological bent to their politics. Believing that excessive population growth and relentless consumption of resources will anger the local spirits of the empire’s many rivers, Muhammad Khan has used his control over the nation to help keep the nation clean and in harmony with nature. Perhaps this is the reason for Bengal’s somewhat underwhelming land forces.
Tuva has worked hard to present itself as a democratic state, with Donduk Kuular declaring himself “President by WIll of the People,” but his National Unity League cronies surely make it quite clear exactly how much freedom his citizens have. There’s no room for true democracy in Tuva right now, not when the Permian war is still raging on.
Our first Kingdom is that of the Mori, with King Mori Motonari’s grip on the nation being supported by a cabal of rich elites. Perhaps this reliance on the Bourgeoisie is what’s preventing him from modernizing his forces?
Queen Arwa al-Sulayhi rules the Yemeni Kingdom, although funnily enough, the group currently dominating the political landscape is the Country Fraternity. Clearly, this is just a fancy term for al-Sulayhi’s harem. Still, it’s clearly a very capable harem, as shown by Yemen’s recent successes.
The tiny Kingdom of Uganda is ruled by Idi Amin and his elite Bourgeoise cronies. Not much else to say here, because there aren’t many people to oppose him.
After his disastrous defeat by Han, Bumin Qaghan of the Gokturks has been forced to give more power to the citizens of his diminished empire to keep enough favor to stay in power. The Gokturk civilization is still a Kingdom, but the People’s Party helps to keep the monarch in check.
The Permians are currently running into much the same issue as the Gokturks, with King Azykay being forced to give up more and more power as his kingdom crumbles. Local rulers now have almost as much power as Azykay himself, as seen previously in Uros. Luckily, at least for now, these local rulers are all united in their desire to avoid the annihilation of their homeland.
The Maori, too, have adopted a sort of Parliamentary Monarchy, with the Popular Brotherhood holding sway over much of the nation’s politics. Potatau Te Wherowhero, having seen the effects of low morale on his populace, is all too willing to give up a bit of his authority to prevent such a disaster from striking his kingdom again.
The now much-reduced Zulu Kingdom has seen almost all power slip from King Cetshwayo, instead falling into the hands of the Black Partnership. Make no mistake: the name does not refer to the color of their skin compared to that of their new Timorese and Yemeni neighbors, but rather to the bleakness of their situation. The Zulu have fully embraced the end times, and their government has now become entirely centered around preparing for their inevitable demise.
Next, we skip ahead to some of the Nomadic Hordes and Principalities of the world.
The Muisca Horde may be fairly decentralized, but it’s also united under Warlord Nemenque’s new Nationalist ideals. The People’s Muisca Conservative Front fights to preserve traditional Muisca culture while also modernizing their nation to fight off the many threats that surround them… although some see even that as heretical, hindering Muisca progress.
The Swahili Pirate Party Horde is exactly what it sounds like. Ali ibn al-Hassan barely even does much governance anymore, the Citizen’s Front takes care of most of the few remaining organizational duties. Instead, al-Hassan spends most of his time touring ships, drinking exotic alcohol, and writing increasingly comical insulting letters to whoever he damn well feels like. Who’s gonna stop him? It’s not like a third of the planet didn’t already try that.
The Arapaho Horde has been growing more and more fascistic after centuries of stagnation. The only thing stopping the National Unity Party from reviving their nation’s military and returning the horde to its bloodthirsty olden days is the fact that nobody can actually keep track of Warlord Pretty Nose for long enough to organize her assassination.
Ataturk the Beloved rules the Turkish Horde with the support of his adoring citizens. As the conquest of the Permians rages on, however, the Patriotic Fellowship is working to ensure that it stays that way. Any who deny Ataturk’s greatness are swiftly reminded of exactly who is responsible for their way of life, and of the importance of their support during this critical period.
The Irish Horde under Michael Collins is held together by the Progressive League, a coalition of regional leaders who work to keep the remaining Irish lands safe from outside invasion while ensuring the best possible lives for their subjects. Their government would surely be a model for the rest of the world to aspire to, were they not trapped in an eternal global deathmatch.
The Afghan Principality, while nominally under the rule of Ahmad Shah Durrani, is also heavily influenced by the Worker’s Party which fights for the needs of the ordinary citizens. Growing out of the nation’s historically decentralized structure, this more decentralized system of rule has allowed Afghanistan to easily fight on multiple fronts at once (albeit not always well) and maintain relative stability in a chaotic world.
The Mohave Principality, meanwhile, is currently dominated by a Republican Party fighting for less governmental control and more individual freedoms in response to the rapid advance of Mohave technology. Whether this will cause the Mohave to grow more powerful or simply stagnate remains to be seen.
Olive Yang’s control over the Principality of Kokang has been slipping somewhat as frustrations with Kokang’s lack of recent military successes has sown discontent among the military. The Freedom and Development Forces have grown more and more powerful as a result, seeking to ensure the military gets all the freedom and development it desires. As eternal frenemies with Olive Yang herself, perhaps the two could end up bringing the civilization to new heights together, or perhaps more internal conflict is in the cards in the future.
Salvador Allende is attempting to seize more and more power from the Chilean people, turning his Peasant’s Republic into a Principality, albeit one still dominated by the Commons. His reasoning is that letting the people lead the war effort against Tucuman has clearly not been working. Too bad it hasn’t gotten any better under Allende’s leadership. The people remain unamused.
Now we move onto the Republics!
Timor-Leste is a Communitarian Republic, and although Xanana Gusmao is nominally in charge, in reality the nation is effectively ruled by its collective populace. The emphasis on the society over the individual has worked wonders to keep this nation of disparate islands united and on track, and as the nation grows, more and more people are drawn into the Timor-Leste collective.
Angola, large though it may be, is much more loosely-united than it may seem at first glance. Jonas Savimbi, once an avid anti-Communist, has found his nation too large to govern on his own and turned to a Communist Republic backed by the Civic Syndicate, a union of various political organizations united in the name of Angolan development. Jonas Savimbi has surely not given up on dictatorial rule, but for now, he’s willing to play nice in a democratic system.
Vermont is dead, but technically their government lives on as a branch of the Chadian government due to a long and convoluted series of wacky hijinks. Vermont’s government is now pretty much just Ethan Allen and a bunch of his Chadian friends, parroting whatever Idriss Deby wants them to say.
The United States of America is, quite fittingly, a Republic. Franklin D. Roosevelt is working with the Workers’ Wing to try and build a happy and productive society out of the miserable hellhole that America has been over the past several millennia, and at least for now, it seems to be working.
The Rioplatense Republic has been reduced to Jose de San Martin and the few former government members lucky enough to survive the war with Kayapo, forming a sort of Oligarchy as they try and fend off the inevitable. Luckily, they don’t really need to do much, as Chile is more than happy to thwart their invasion all by themselves.
After Indonesia’s devastating defeat by Timor-Leste and Kokang, Suharto’s already highly-decentralized Republic has trended further and further toward total democracy. The Equality Party has been fighting for this future, and with no future prospects toward world domination anyways, Suharto will probably end up giving in sooner or later.
The Republic of Greenland, primarily made up of seafarers and other free spirits, is naturally quite decentralized as well. The People’s Camp works to ensure this remains the case, and Demarch Hans Egede, at least nominally only in charge of Greenland proper, is happy to oblige as long as he gets a share of the spoils.
And here are the final few civilizations.
The efforts of Tupac Yupanqui to modernize and enrich his nation have been blocked by the New Reactionary Brotherhood, fearing that the Incan government will strip them of their freedoms in the pursuit of South American and Pacific dominance. This has put quite a hindrance on their recent efforts and even led to a series of embarrassments at the hand of Rio de la Plata, but of course the Reactionary Brotherhood has shifted all the blame to Tupac and used the failures to further their own cause.
Only a few Tribal Confederacies remain on the cylinder, but of them, the Anglo-Dutch are surely the most odd. While nominally a confederacy of the many Anglo-Dutch societies throughout the Low Countries and England, in reality the nation is a religious dictatorship ruled by the fanatical Chief William III. The Worker’s Brotherhood sees his commands through as he works to make his divine visions into reality and spread the word of God… at any cost.
With Yongle no longer trusting himself after his many failures, the people of Ming have fallen back on the wisdom of their Elders, who now collectively rule the nation. They frequently convene to discuss and vote on matters of policy and action, and while Yongle remains the head of this council, his voice is only one of many.
The Kayapo have no need for any government more advanced than a Tribal Confederacy, and Raoni is happy to oblige. The government primarily focuses its efforts on conservation of the jungles and rivers, secure in the knowledge that if they protect their environment, it will protect them in turn. So far, it’s worked pretty well.
And finally, the Kyivan Rus’ are a simple tribe ruled by Olga and the remains of the aristocratic elite. The government is a shell of its former self, but at the very least the people live on.
Tito has evidently decided that he’s willing to share more than a bit of power after all, as he has returned his nation to Communism once more. This also provides an excellent opportunity to take a look at the state of the Brandenburg-Yugoslav front, which appears to have reached a stalemate for the time being. A pretty solid line has been established along the Great Wall, and as both sides begin to run lower on troops, the line might just stay right here. Yugoslavia’s Artillery and defensive bonuses will probably keep Brandenburg in check from here on out, while Brandenburg’s planes and the Alps will likely curb any future Yugoslav advances. Still, that’s far from a guarantee - Zagreb is back in the red, and there are a lot of units near Potsdam…
But before we get too deep back into the action, let’s take a quick peek at the Culture screen! Don’t worry, I’ll keep this one brief. Here we see the bulk of the Communist bloc, still the dominant ideological force on the cylinder. Turkey is ridiculously happy, it seems, while Chile and Bengal are struggling with Unhappiness. This all makes sense - Ataturk the Beloved is, well, beloved, and is actively leading a highly successful war, while Allende is failing miserably to defeat a city-state and attempting to strip away the power of the citizenry in his nation while he’s at it.
Next up, we have the remaining Communist nations, with the stand-out member in terms of Happiness and Tourism being the Cree. America is the only truly Fascist nation on the cylinder right now, but despite severe civil resistance, they have an utterly ludicrous 189 net Happiness! When the people feel safe, secure, and confident in the power of the state (and smiling is mandatory), even rampant cynicism and ideological pressure can’t keep them down. On the other hand, while Tuva may be happy, other Nationalist states like the Muisca and Wiradjuri aren’t having such a good time. It’s hard to be a nationalist when your nation is demonstrably weaker than its neighbors despite your best efforts, I suppose.
Finally, to finish things off, we have the remaining Nationalist civs (forming the primary opposition to the Communist world order), and the Arapaho, the only truly Neutral civilization.
To summarize, the nations following each ideology are as follows:
Communism: Permians, Turkey, Inca, Gokturks, Afghanistan, Yugoslavia, Chad, Chile, Indonesia, Han, Bengal, Mali, Kokang, Cree, Angola
Fascism: America
Nationalism: Tuva, Brandenburg, Timor-Leste, Wiradjuri, Muisca, Anglo-Dutch, Kayapo, Yemen, Mohave
Neutrality: Arapaho
The Norman war against Castile has taken perhaps the single funniest possible turn as Castilian units begin to siege the undefended Norman city of Capua in North Africa. The almighty Norman armada is powerless to stop this counter-attack because of Meknes’s ridiculous sea borders, and there are zero Norman units in the area. What’s more, Castile’s unique Knight replacement, the Conquistador, has no penalty against cities, so it’s actually semi-feasible that this invasion could succeed. It probably won’t, but if it does… wow.
Despite the fact that the Mohave are the ones who declared the war, it seems like Kokang is the one going on the offensive in the trans-Pacific war. Their fleet looks mighty, but they lack the Cruisers that the Mohave have access to, and of course the Mohave have plenty of reinforcements further east. Add to that the fact that the Mohave are already flanking the Kokang force from the north, and the odds of any real success on the part of Kokang here are slim. Still, this armada is sending a clear message: Kokang isn’t just going to sit around and let foreign empires mess with them.
Meanwhile in Central Asia, Nar Le’s odds are suddenly looking quite a bit more slim. Avi Mota’s military has diversified dramatically while Nar Le seemingly hasn’t constructed any new units, and to top it all off, Nar Le has even taken a bit of damage!
Further west on a much less relevant front, it seems like Tuvan progress against the Permians has ground to a halt, at least here in Central Asia. Izhma, Arys, and Oxus are all solidly in Tuvan hands, but no push toward Jaxartes has materialized just yet. The former Massagetae capital is well-defended by Permian Artillery, and while the Riflemen currently attempting a counter-attacked are doomed, they’re at least diverting attention away from the city. With the rough terrain around Arys being unsuitable for mounted units, Tuva’s normal strategies are proving ineffective, too - they’ll need to rely on their outclassed Line Infantry rather than their almighty Cavalry and Landships to capture cities.
Botswana’s military approaches Ulundi, with a vanguard of Knights being backed up by Crossbowmen and Musketmen to provide suppressive fire.against the Zulu Ibutho. While perhaps not the more effective military formation, sheer numbers should allow Botswana to win this war, even if it’ll be a pretty hollow victory with the bulk of the former Zulu lands now under the control of Timor-Leste. On the other side of Ulundi, Kilwa ships patrol the coast as their crew just stand there on the docks. Menacingly.
Speaking of Timor-Leste, though, Botswana seems to be diverting a sizable portion of their forces to the Timorese colonies in the south. These cities aren’t very well-defended yet… is this just a precautionary measure, or could Botswana really be planning the unthinkable?
Here’s a quick look at a map of the world’s religions, and I have to say, this might just be one of the most balanced religious maps I’ve ever seen. Almost every religion controls a sizable portion of the world, but no religion is utterly dominant, either. It’s a lovely map to look at, and it provides some interesting context to some of the world’s major wars, too - most of Turkey’s Permian conquests thus far are Sunni, for instance.
A quick look at America’s core reveals that they’re currently… impressively unexceptional. Their carpet seems about on par with that of the Arapaho in terms of density, which is hardly a good sign. Both civs are currently fielding Riflemen, too, though America’s Landships and Cavalry are way better than the Arapaho’s Beniiinen Knight replacement. On the other hand, though, the Arapaho have planes while America doesn’t, which is a pretty massive deal. A war between these two would probably be a stalemate in my opinion, though more due to the lack of units on either side than because of anything else. That said, while America is thoroughly unimpressive on land, their navy looks fairly respectable. They have a ton of Destroyers. Come to think of it, the USA apparently commissioned a full 175 Fletcher-class destroyers during World War II under FDR’s presidency. Perhaps his love of Destroyers is manifesting here, as well? If it is, then that’s certainly not a bad thing - there are plenty of good expansion opportunities across the sea.
After their disastrous war with Kokang last episode, the Han have evidently decided that Ming’s cities are worth more as a part of the empire than as a buffer. With that in mind, Han has declared war on their rival dynasty, and this time it looks like the rightful owner of the Mandate of Heaven may be decided once and for all! While the Han military still isn’t impressively large, there are enough units present to easily kick Ming off of the mainland. Han units are a step above Ming’s in every regard - Riflemen against Line Infantry, Artillery against Field Guns, and of course the odd Infantry here and there. The Han approach thus far has been cautious but certain, as the Ming carpet inside Fuzhou prepares to fight to the last man. Ming certainly isn’t going down without a fight, but if Han is known for one thing, it’s excelling in drawn-out wars.
At sea, too, Han seems poised to strike down Ming with their advanced units, but here the Ming military is much more stacked with troops. No Citadels have taken away their seas, and so Kaifeng and Guilin will likely end up being the last holdouts of the Ming state. Still, though, the sheer difference in firepower means that the Han fleet can probably tear through the Ming navy like the Turks did to the Permians in the Caspian, and the new threat to the Ming navy means that Chongjin will most likely (barely) survive the Ming assault after all.
The Permians experience a brief resurgence as they reclaim Emdin, but it’s unlikely to last long - the Tuvan borders are still chock-full of fresh units ready to raise hell in the empty Permian wilderness. While Pelym now has a sizable defensive force (including a Permian Infantry unit) that’s successfully enveloping and fighting off the Tuvan advance from Izyur, a second battalion heading south from Beshbaliq looks poised to ride into the damaged city and take it before the Permians can react. Pyras is similarly damaged despite its sizable garrison, although at least there aren’t any visible Tuvan forces threatening the city at the moment. The Tuvans, for their part, seem to be organizing a massive army around Beshbaliq, with enough Landships and Skirmishers to easily overwhelm the Permian lines if used well. And considering their track record… the citizens of Emdin should probably start brushing up on their throat singing again.
Down in the Caspian, the situation is much more dire for the Permians, with Atil now firmly in Turkish hands and Balanjar deep in the yellow. While Balanjar actually has a sizable defensive force of Riflemen, Landships, and Artillery, the Turkish Horde appears to be slowly encircling the position as their Landships swing up from the west. That, or some Turkish troops are attempting to make a break for Vladimir. In either case, the Turkish military will probably end up tearing through the city’s defenses sooner or later through sheer numbers and quality. In Uros, meanwhile, Ennio Morricone (a famous film composer in our world) writes a suitably dramatic number to commemorate those fallen on the front lines. It’s not much, but it’s about all the Permians can do at this point.
Pelym has fallen, I repeat, Pelym has fallen! A surprise Landship strike from the north has seized the Permian capital as the city’s forces were busy defending the east, flipping the city for the first time. In fact, it’s not even the only capital the Permians have lost this turn - Tuva has apparently seized Jaxartes, as well! The Landship that took Pelym is weak, and the Permians still have plenty of melee units nearby, so the city is almost certain to flip back, but this truly does feel like the beginning of the end for the Permians.
On the other fronts, things are looking just as bleak for Azykay’s once-glorious nation. A Landship vanguard is aimed directly at Upyte, Pyras has been bombed into the black, and a new Tuvan force is headed south from Izyur. Still, Tuva’s reserves seem to be dwindling, so maybe the Permians might be able to barely manage a stalemate here after all if they keep it up…?
The Han-Ming War is off to an unimpressive start as the Han military very slowly begins clearing out Ming units in Fuzhou. The Ming Line Infantry hold for the most part, and Shuntian has barely been touched yet, but the Han units are present… they’re just taking their sweet time to go in for the kill. Along the coast, meanwhile, Ming’s fleet is already beginning to thin as a few Han Destroyers and Cruisers go on an absolute tear. Despite this, though, Ming hasn't completely given up on Chongjin - the city is still in the red, and reinforcements seem to be on the way to support the Privateer currently attacking North Korea all on its own.
Lithuania has joined the Communist bloc like their Permian neighbors, which provides a great opportunity to check up on their lands! It seems like Lithuania has finally started to build a bit of a military near their capital, which is a nice start, but the rest of their lands are still about as empty as ever. Oh well, at least it’s a start. It’s not like they were ever going to attack the Permians anyways, the two get along way too well at the moment.
Elvis Presley, the King of Rock, makes his appearance in Bengal! Sadly, he is just about the only exciting thing in this image. Bengal’s carpet is fairly sparse, and Afghanistan’s is genuinely depressing. Bengal does at least have aircraft, and their army might be able to put in work if condensed into a more solid force, but even then they might struggle to take Jalalabad or Multan before Afghanistan got its act together. Bengal also has a sizable navy, but sadly, Privateers aren’t exactly all that strong on their own, so Bengal will need a few more Destroyers before their fleet is truly imposing. It’s a shame, really; Bengal would be a pretty notable power if they just weren’t located between Afghanistan and Kokang. Maybe they could hop in a coalition war against Afghanistan one of these days and expand their grip on India, though with Afghanistan’s other neighbors currently embroiled in a war, that day seems quite far off.
The Permian counter-offensive picks back up as both Pelym and Jaxartes return to their rightful* owner! New troops are seemingly making their way toward Pyras, and the Tuvan offensive has backed off a little bit for now. Some over-eager Permian soldiers have pursued the retreating Tuvans right into a battalion of Skirmishers and Artillery, though, so it’s not all good news for the Permians right now. Still, this is a very welcome turn of events for the Permians after all the disasters they’ve had up until this point.
The Afghan-Indonesian War is still ongoing, and the front lines have moved to perhaps the most bizarre location of all: Indonesia’s Antarctic colony of Bandar Lampung. The city has already been knocked into the red by Afghan Destroyers, and plenty of reinforcements are on their way, so it’s looking very likely that Afghanistan will take the city within a turn or two if nothing changes.
Unfortunately, the Permian counter-offensive, despite looking fairly promising, has proven short-lived. Tuva’s infamous Landships have managed to snipe Pelym, Pyras, and Jaxartes in a single turn, and while Pelym is still contested by melee units, the other two cities seem to be lost for good. Further west, Balanjar has been knocked down to zero health with multiple Turkish melee units nearby, and Izhkar has started taking heavy damage as well. Balanjar in particular is still hotly contested, but considering the fate of the now-Tuvan cities the Permians were hotly contesting just last turn, the future looks bleak.
Antoni Gaudi, a Catalan modernist architect, oversees new construction efforts in the bustling Yemeni capital of Sana’a, now boasting a staggering 43 population. This capital is far from the only notable thing about Yemen, of course. No other civilization has such a massive divide between the quality of their army and their navy, aside from maybe the Normans - Yemen’s land holdings are almost completely devoid of units, while the Yemeni seas are chock-full of Privateers. The lack of more powerful ships is a bit concerning, but it’d be quite silly to doubt Yemen’s naval prowess after what they did to the Zulu. Still, though, it’s probably best to give up on the idea of Yemen ever capturing Turkey’s Arabian cities. While there aren’t many land units present in the area even now, Ataturk has gone ahead and stationed a good dozen aircraft along the border just in case Yemen tries anything with their tiny, outdated ground forces.
Bandar Lampung has indeed fallen to Afghanistan, giving the desert empire a new icy colony! This is realistically the end of the Afghan-Indonesian War, and this city probably won’t ever provide any real value to Afghanistan, but it sure is funny. That Kilwa Frigate probably thinks so, at least.
After a fairly slow period of warfare, Turkey dramatically expands their nation with the simultaneous captures of Balanjar and Izhkar! Along with the off-screen conquest of Aral by a single Infantryman last turn, this conquest represents a new stage in the war. The Turkish Caspian fleet is no longer relevant as Turkey has now taken every Permian city with a coastline, and the Permians have been pushed out of their holdings south of Kazakhstan entirely. Permian forces are attempting to regroup around Sarkel and Uros, and a brave Permian Rifleman has retaken Pyras from Tuva, but it seems like the collapse of the Permians is beginning to accelerate. There’s also a Turkish contingent making a break for Vladimir now, which is only made more hilariou by the fact that it’ll probably succeed in taking the city considering how undefended the city is.
Nar Le’s time is drawing to an end as Avi Mota troops drive the city into the red, with both a Cavalry and a Landship present to take the city. Yugoslav Explorers try to block off any further Avi Mota incursions, but at this point it may be too little, too late. Even Nar Le’s trump card, its aircraft, is no longer worth much; not only does Avi Mota have more aircraft, but it also has an Anti-Aircraft Gun stationed to shoot down any attempted bombing runs.
On another note, to the west, the Tuvans are commencing an all-out attack on Pyras. It seems as though they’ve forgotten to bring a melee unit, though, so the city will probably hold for a couple more turns.
Turkey has entered the Information Era! Considering they only recently made it to the Atomic Era, this is quite impressive. It also acts as a wonderful excuse to take a peek at Turkey’s core instead of their front lines. Anatolia is currently pretty much empty, as every last soldier has seemingly been shipped off to the Pontic Steppe to go fight the Permian menace, but the few units which are present all show that Turkey truly is in a league of its own technologically. There aren’t many other civs which can boast about owning any sizable number of Tanks, and that full Destroyer fleet in the eastern Mediterranean is downright terrifying. Turkey’s core is exposed right now, but then, who could possibly hope to reach it?
Han troops have strangely opted to ignore Fuzhou for the moment, instead pivoting their attention toward Shuntian. The port city’s defenses have quickly begun to crumble under the assault, with its health currently sitting at around two-thirds, but with all the Infantry and Artillery nearby, that number is going to fall rapidly. Meanwhile, most of the Ming navy around Guilin has opted to flee the city and head east, leaving the Han ships in the area with practically uncontested access. Perhaps Yongle is attempting to lead the Han navy into a trap, but considering the quality of the Han ships, even a trap might not be enough to secure a victory at this point. What’s more, the Ming assault on Chongjin has finally collapsed, and the city has begun to recover. Truly, this is a sad day for the Treasure Fleet.
Ireland has finally secured peace with Greenland, and miraculously, they’ve managed to keep Tralee! The British Isles are back to hosting a mere four civilizations instead of five, and Greenland will have to be content with Oveido as their European naval base. Ireland’s carpet is slowly regrowing as well, with a sizable number of Fentians guarding Dublin, so they’ll probably be safe for a good while now. Still, the Irish can hardly rest on their laurels, considering the sheer size of that Greenlandic fleet that will surely be back for another shot at the Irish capital one of these days.
A brief glimpse at the Mohave navy shows just how terrifying they truly are, and just how little of a chance Kokang stands in the Pacific theater. Destroyers and Privateers absolutely coat the coasts of Hawaii and California, and there are plenty of aircraft stationed nearby, as well. Not all of these ships are headed for Asia, surely, but when this navy does fully mobilize against a target, it’ll certainly be bloody.
On the other hand, there’s the Inca invasion of Guiyang. Despite the Inca theoretically holding the advantage, both civs actually have relatively equal navies in the area, and Guiyang only has a single coastal tile for the Inca to strike from. Because of this, the Ming Hawaiian colony remains undamaged, and it’s entirely possible that it’ll remain undamaged for many turns to come.
The Permians have retaken Balanjar for the time being, but that’s just about the only good news for them right now. Pelym and Pyras are now both fully in the grasp of the Tuvan military, Upyte has been worn down to red health, Uros is slowly being surrounded by Turkish forces from Atil and Izkhar, and even Vladimir is beginning to take damage. The last major Permian holdout is, fittingly, Uros and Vilyada, but considering they’re facing down the hyper-advanced Turks instead of the relatively evenly-matched Tuvans (who, to be fair, seem to be fast approaching Vilyada as well), I wouldn’t count on their defense lasting long.
Amidst all this chaos in their general vicinity, the Massagetae sure are existing. Asir is a modest city, heavily crippled by the Southern Great Citadel Wall but fully-carpeted in its remaining land. They certainly won’t be able to defend themselves if one of their neighbors comes knocking, but hey, their neighbors are Turkey and Afghanistan. And even then, Afghanistan can’t actually take Asir without some awkward embarkation or Open Borders with Turkey. As far as rump states go, the Massagetae have seen a lot of action, but hopefully now they can at least rest easy until their time comes.
Upyte has fallen to what else but a Tuvan Landship. A crack team of Permian Uhlans is contesting the city, but with more forces advancing from Pelym and Beshbaliq, I’d say this city is as good as gone. Further north, a duo of Landships attempts to bring down the frozen city of Anyushkar, and in the south, a veritable army of Artillery makes its way out from Pyras towards its next target. The Permians have been decisively pushed back to the Urals, but with Upyte down, it’s clear that not even the mountains will save Azykay this time. His only hope now is some sort of miraculous double peace deal.
BREAKING: Tucuman is taking damage. I repeat, Tucuman is taking damage. Having managed to haul a Field Gun up to the front lines, Chile is now starting to make a bit of progress, even if it’s still a pretty sad display. They have Line Infantry present on the front lines, too, so capturing the city and eliminating Rio de la Plata is actually on the table now. But of course, the almighty Tucuman Crossbowman still provides a nigh-insurmountable threat… Can the mighty Chilean army overcome one (1) outdated ranged unit?
A quick look at Australia confirms that the Wiradjuri lands are still just as sparse as ever. There are decently-sized collections of units along the coastline, especially in the southeast, but aside from the border with Timor-Leste, the Outback is just as empty as it is in real life. While the Wiradjuri military is far from outdated, compared to Timor-Leste, it certainly looks like it is. Considering Timor-Leste is one of their only two neighbors, such a massive tech disparity is not a good look. At least the Wiradjuri have entertainment to distract them from their grim situation; Yasujiro Ozu, an acclaimed Japanese filmmaker from the era of silent films, will surely bring smiles to the Australian continent for quite some time.
Frederick-William I is surely scratching his head right now wondering what the hell just happened to the troops he had stationed around Potsdam, because the formerly well-garrisoned city is now completely undefended and under attack by Yugoslav forces! The city has a sizable aerial force stationed within, but aircraft alone can’t defend a city, and Brandenburg is actually somehow running out of units in their German holdings. The force around Berlin and Lundenburgh can’t move to relieve the assault on Potsdam, because Tito has a massive mounted-Artillery joint force in Zagreb that would surely take the opportunity to march on Brandenburg’s capital. Konigsberg, too, is currently being harassed by a Yugoslav flanking maneuver. I don’t know how it happened, but Brandenburg is now genuinely losing the war, and there doesn’t seem to be an easy way out for them at this point.
As if this episode hasn’t already gotten wild enough, now we have another massive war on our hands! The Cree, frustrated after their relatively unsuccessful war against the Gokturks, have decided the time is right to invade the Arapaho. Honestly, though, the front lines look relatively even here. Both civilizations are fielding pretty much the exact same units, although the Arapaho do have planes. Their militaries also look to be of roughly equal density, and nobody has the obvious terrain advantage, either. That said, the Cree do have a concerning number of Great Generals near Loon River. Maybe that’ll be the advantage that pushes them towards victory?
Looking at the positions of the units, it seems as though the main Cree force will be pushing down from Kapawe No, probably aiming for Nook-Oowu’ or perhaps even an immediate assault on the Arapaho capital of Wootei-Niicie. However, they don’t quite have that critical mass of units necessary to make a proper invasion force, so odds are the Arapaho will be able to hold the line for the time being. On the other hand, the Arapaho navy in the Great Lakes could feasibly take Philadelphia, considering the Cree don’t really have any units in the area.
The tide of the Mohave-Kokang War has turned as a gigantic Mohave fleet begins to approach the Asian mainland. Evidently, the Kokang naval assault didn’t go too well. A new Kokang fleet has been rushed out to try and hold the line, but the ships are disorganized and already taking damage. The Mohave armada is very likely to punch through this obstacle within the next few turns. Luckily for Kokang, though, the Mohave’s job beyond that is going to be very difficult - Long Htan and Malolos provide Kokang with two easily-defensible island fortresses which serve as a highly effective shield for the mainland. Both cities are packed full of aircraft, and Malolos is absolutely covered in Artillery ready to pelt the Mohave fleet as it struggles to make progress. And since Long Htan is on the western side of Taiwan, the Mohave will have a hell of a time trying to capture the city with only naval units.
On another note, the Han invasion of Ming is progressing much more smoothly. Both Fuzhou and Shuntian have been bombed into the black, and Han units are slowly but steadily approaching their targets. Fuzhou still has a decently-sized defensive force, but Shuntian is ripe for the taking and surrounded by land and by sea by Han melee units. As for Guilin, a sizable portion of the Treasure Fleet (mainly composed of Frigates) has returned to the city’s defense, ensuring that the Han navy won’t be able to take the city that easily. This half-hearted attempt to stop the Han advance probably won’t last once the Ming mainland is out of the way, but it’s certainly a commendable effort, and it shows that the Ming at the very least aren’t willing to just lay down and die.
The city of Uros has been a bastion of Permian resistance for quite some time, but sadly, that time has come to an end. Turkish Infantry and Tanks have finally reached the city and breached its defenses. A lone corps of Riflemen led by the Lord of Uros himself attempts to hold the line while the city’s remaining forces fall back to Vilyada, but while their last stand is commendable, it’s also guaranteed to end in the deaths of all involved. Sadly, the fate of those fleeing the city won’t be much better - Vilyada is under assault by a mighty wall of Tuvan Artillery, turning the city to rubble along with everybody around it. Turkey and Tuva are mere turns away from sharing a border, and no Permian units caught between will survive when that happens. The Permian situation in the west is similarly bleak, with roving bands of Turkish troops devastating Vladimir. The city is in the red, and there are plenty of melee units in position to seize it when the opportunity arises. It won’t be long before Azykay needs to switch capitals yet again.
Yugoslavia unleashes their master plan as the force amassed around Zagreb suddenly marches west, subjecting Potsdam to a two-front assault! The possibility of a Brandenburg counter-attack on Zagreb is possible, but there are enough Artillery left around the city to hold off anything less than a full frontal assault which would also leave Potsdam even more empty than it already is. With Brandenburg’s units all caught up away from the front lines and Potsdam in the yellow, it’s looking increasingly likely that Yugoslavia will end up pushing Brandenburg across the Great Wall. In fact, Brandenburg’s reserve forces are pretty much nonexistent, so if Potsdam falls, Yugoslavia could very feasibly continue their push onto Konigsberg or even Berlin…
Botswana’s invasion of the Zulu has been rather rudely interrupted by the worst possible news they could receive: a joint invasion by Angola and Timor-Leste! Funnily enough, though, the cylinder’s new top dog is actually the less threatening of this new dynamic duo in this case. Timor-Leste hasn’t really had the time to populate their new South African colony just yet, so even though their Infantry utterly dwarfs Botswana’s Musketmen in power, they simply lack the numbers to threaten an inland push. In fact, Botswana could probably recapture Maun if they put their minds to it!
On the other hand, though, Angola represents a significant existential threat to Botswana. There’s a sizable (albeit mostly ranged) military force around Lobango that seems poised to capture Molepolole, and Botswana’s Galless fleet will almost certainly be torn to splinters by the unending hordes of Angolan Privateers and Frigates. Unless Angola manages to completely fumble their war effort, Francistown probably won’t last for more than a few turns.
(Also of Note: A philanthropic band of Muisca peacekeepers have made their way to Ulundi to help defend the Zulu. However, rather than stopping Botswana, these peacekeepers have instead decided to enter a Monkey Island-style duel of insults with the Kilwa sailors parked along the coast.)
Han decides that wiping out one East Asian rump state isn’t enough, and so while their southern forces are busy disassembling Ming, the northern Han forces turn their guns towards North Korea! Right off the bat, Chongjin looks doomed to fall, as the Ming navy has already softened it up and it’s easy prey for the advanced Han ships. However, Han’s land forces in the area are practically nonexistent, so if anything, the most likely event here seems like a North Korean assault on Chenxian. (That said, this probably wouldn’t accomplish much more than wiping out the North Korean carpet for nothing.) Unless Han manages to procure a new military from thin air, it seems like this front will stalemate for the time being.
(Also of Note: The Gokturks have knocked Usukeshi into the yellow, although the city doesn’t seem to be in danger of falling for the time being.)
Han prospects are looking much, much better in the south, where Shuntian has finally been captured! Fuzhou remains in the black, although no Han troops seem interested in actually taking it. Perhaps Han is considering keeping the city around as a buffer after all, or maybe they’re just interested in committing war crimes. Along the coast, meanwhile, Han Cruisers are beginning to clear out the Ming treasure Fleet, although for now Guilin is still protected by a wall of Frigates.
The Inca invasion of Guiyang hasn’t really progressed since we last saw it, although the Ming navy in the area has been mostly wiped out, so the siege should go much more smoothly from here on out. Here, we also get to see what might be the reason for the Inca invasion of Guiyang in the first place: the Inca have researched Atomic Theory, and Guiyang just so happens to be the perfect place for atomic testing. Remote enough that it’s far away from the core Inca holdings, but close enough to Mohave lands to send one hell of a message.
(Also of Note: Despite what it may look like in the bottom-right of the image, the Inca and the Mohave are not currently at war. If they were, the Inca probably wouldn’t have any ships left in this area.)
Erik Thorvaldsson, also known as Erik the Red, uses his arctic sailing expertise (which allowed him to found the Norse Greenlandic settlement in our world) to lead the Cree defense of Pakua’shipi. Both the Cree and the Arapaho have pretty equal navies in the Hudson Bay, though the Arapaho seem to be taking the initiative for the moment. While the fronts further south are quieter, Cree Landships seem to be beginning their assault below Sturgeon Lake, so things will likely heat up in the Great Plains in the coming turns. Philadelphia remains undamaged.
Turkey’s military has begun to spread out and scatter, attacking several cities at once, but that hasn’t stopped them from taking both Vladimir and Sarkel. Both new Turkish holdings are only contested by a single Infantry each, and so it seems as though these cities are safely in Ataturk’s hands. There are a few aircraft stationed in Idnakar which could allow the Permians to flip Sarkel with a bit of effort, but it’s unlikely to amount to much in the long term. Meanwhile, Uros is still mildly contested, but the Permian troops still within the city are quickly being wiped out. It might flip once, but not twice.
However, the best news for Turkey is actually on the sidebar: they’ve finished researching Atomic Theory. The Permian conquest probably won’t require any nuclear weapons, but considering they now share a sizable border with Tuva, having nuclear warheads to deter invaders is a massive boon for the Turks.
Potsdam has fallen! The Great Wall has been breached! The Yugoslav counteroffensive has succeeded! Now left with only their aircraft and a modest force outside Berlin, Brandenburg’s war with Yugoslavia has gone from a simple conquest to a desperate fight for survival. Yugoslavia, on the other hand, has certainly asserted itself as a major player on the European continent that can no longer be overlooked. The odds of a successful push on Konigsberg are looking a bit low at the moment, but once Yugoslavia brings more of their troops to the front lines, who knows?
It is kind of odd how Brandenburg’s German land forces aren’t recovering at all, though. In fact, come to think of it, all of Brandenburg’s successes thus far have been at sea. Maybe Frederick-William doesn’t care about the mainland at all, and just wants to build a naval empire of his own?
The invasion of Botswana is off to an… interesting start, with a sizable Botswana military force chipping away at Nongoma. This isn’t likely to result in any city captures, but at least it’s better than sitting around and waiting for Timor-Leste to build an army and wipe them off the map. Sadly, Botswana isn’t having nearly as much success against Angola. Selibe Phikwe is in the yellow, and the Botswana navy around Francistown is already mostly gone with no visible dent in the Angolan fleet. In the east. In the east, Botswana’s military seems to be undergoing a bit of choice paralysis in deciding whether to attack the Zulu or Timor-Leste. Wherever they end up going, however, they’ll be leaving Gaborone wide open to Angola’s rapidly-advancing forces.
(Also of Note: The Muisca are joined in their duel of wits against the Pirate Party Horde by a Zulu Great General with nothing better to do.)
Han scores a two-for-one special on bullying rump states by taking both Fuzhou and Chongjin at once! Fuzhou still has a small pocket of resistance ready to attempt to flip the city back, and there aren’t any more Han melee units nearby, but just looking at the carpet around Longbian, there’s no way they keep the city long-term. Ming’s Treasure Fleet continues to hold the line around Kaifeng and Guilin, but now that the Han navy doesn’t have to divert some of its attention to Chongjin anymore, I expect that to change shortly.
Speaking of Chongjin, it’s completely uncontested; where did the North Korean carpet go? Maybe it really is attempting a counter-offensive in Manchuria? Regardless, Han land units are already embarking over to the Korean Peninsula to fortify the position, so further inland gains aren’t necessarily out of the question for Han at this point. The rough terrain of the region might give them some trouble, though.
The Cree-Arapaho War is currently looking like a bit of a stalemate. The Cree certainly have more troops on the front lines, but the Landship force around Kapawe No and Sturgeon Lake doesn’t seem like it’s able to make much progress. On the other hand, the Arapaho have managed to bomb Kapawe No to half health, and a new fleet in the Great Lakes is looking to move on Philadelphia. Evidently, even the many Cree Great Generals aren’t exactly confident about this war, as they all seem to be retreating from Loon River up to Sipiwininiwak. A lone Arapaho Landship has made its way through a break in the Cree lines to attempt to assault the enemy capital, but I somehow doubt it’ll accomplish much on its own.
At long last, the Gokturks begin making progress against Mori with the capture of Miiri-Takamatsu. The city is on the one-tile island of Sado rather than Honshu, but it’s a start, and the island should make for an excellent forward base from which to assault the Mori core. There are no more Mori ships in the region to threaten to retake the city, so any defense from here on out will be land-based. Thankfully, the Mori land carpet, while outdated, is fairly large, so they should at least be able to delay the inevitable if they don’t blindly charge all their troops into enemy lands like North Korea is currently doing. (Actually, a lot of their carpet seems to be moving into Gokturk lands, rather than attacking Han… are they deserting?)
The Turkish front line moves ever forward as Vladimir, Sarkel, Uros, and Vilyada all flip to Turkish hands, probably for good this time. Turkey’s military has also begun to coalesce into a solid force between Sarkel and Uros, which is a good sign for them and a very bad sign for Idnakar. Tuva, meanwhile, is seemingly preparing its own army between Upyte and Pelym, which should be more than enough to capture Cherdyn. At this point, any semblance of Permian resistance is well and truly gone, and Turkey and Tuva are free to take their victory lap and carve up the remains of this former Number-1-ranked power.
Well… it’s finally happened. At the hands of one final Uhlan push, Avi Mota has captured and eliminated the Kokang-aligned city-state of Nar Le. One of the original two funny Central Asian exclaves, Nar Le was positioned much closer to its homeland than Avi Mota was, which made it seemingly much more likely to be relevant at some point or another. However, its existence was peaceful for the most part, usually appearing alongside its southern neighbor Avi Mota in various screenshots of more action-packed slides involving the Massagetae, Afghanistan, or the Permians. However, when the Mohave and Kokang went to war over control of the central Pacific, these two sister cities were forced to do battle at the whims of their overlords, and while a decisive blow seemed unlikely at first, in the end Nar Le’s inferior production and unit composition led to its untimely demise at the hands of its own fellow funny Central Asian exclave. RIP Nar Le, and let visions of poppyseeds and wide-open plains sing thee to thy rest. F.
Selibe Phikwe has fallen to an Angolan Cavalry charge, and the now-isolated city of Molepolole looks soon to follow. Francistown has also been reduced to about half health, as invaders from both land and sea put heavy pressure on the port and its defenders. Botswana’s assault on Nongoma has also collapsed with nothing to show for their efforts but a slight decrease in the city’s health, leaving Botswana with even fewer units to defend their remaining cities with. And on top of all that, Ulundi hasn’t even been scratched! This has been a disaster for Botswana overall, though at least Angola has finally woken up a bit.
(Also of Note: The intense clash along the Ulundi coast finally ends when a particularly smashed Kilwa sailor tells his adversaries to “Muisca balls”, causing the peacekeepers to flee the scene in tears. More Kilwa ships arrive to cheer on their new hero, and Ali ibn al-Hassan gives the man a medal for his service.)
The Han navy, having now secured all of their targets on the mainland, has moved on to attacking the city of Kaifeng! With a large portion of the remaining Ming ships still in Guilin, the city looks doomed to fall despite its modest naval garrison, and a peek at Ming’s easternmost waters shows that there aren’t any reinforcements coming to save the city, either. A small Han fleet around Shuntian appears to be attacking Guilin from the south, too, although all of the ships are damaged. With a bit of support from the north, though, Ming could be sent packing to Hawaii in a matter of turns.
A lone Arapaho Landship has managed to snipe Kapawe No from right under the noses of the Cree military! There are three Cree Landships ready to retake the city right away, but this is still an embarrassing situation for the nominally-stronger Cree to be in, especially when Konouutosei has barely been scratched. Philadelphia has taken a bit of damage, as well… the Cree had better get their act together, or else the Mohave will remain far, far out of their reach. That said, it is nice to see the eternally-sleepy Arapaho finally get up to some shenanigans. If the Cree keep fumbling, maybe they can even make a comeback?
The Gokturks have taken Usukeshi, granting them a foothold on Honshu from which to conduct their final conquest of Mori! The mountains along the city’s southern border make it easily defensible by land, and the Mori units defending the area have all been wiped out, so the odds of the city being recaptured are slim. Mori Crossbowmen continue to pelt Miri-Takamatsu, but without a boat, they won’t be threatening it any time soon. All in all, the Gokturk invasion just seems to be going better and better, though they might want to send a few extra ships down just in case. The Cree, while their navy is advanced, still don’t have many boats in the Bering Strait for now, so there’s no need for the Gokturks to worry about getting stabbed in the back right now.
Shown here is all that remains of the once-mighty Permian empire. Biarmia and Anyushkar have fallen to Tuva, and Donduk Kuular’s Artillery has bombed Cherdyn to nothing. Troops from Upyte are threatening Telsiai, which is defended by only a single aircraft. Meanwhile, Turkey is engaging a hastily-thrown-together Permian defensive line around Idnakar, while a battalion of Tanks is making its way toward Ekspera. Tuvan Throat Singers hurl intricately-composed insults at the far-flung Permian city of Kuva while a Landship drives around the city, threatening to do to the city’s terrified inhabitants what its brethren have done to the rest of the Permian nation. All the while, Artillery slowly, menacingly rolls in from the east to assault this final safe haven of the Permian people. There is no escape. The Permians are going to die.
Uganda has achieved enlightenment. Sure, they’ve reached the Enlightenment Era, but more importantly, Idi Amin has had an epiphany. Excitedly, he calls his closest advisor into his office. He lays out a map of his domains and the surrounding nations.
“Tell me what you see, General.”
“...I see four empires eager to tear our nation apart, Your Highness.”
“Wrong! Look again, General. Look closer.”
He first points to the northwest of the map, to the domains of the Chadians.
“Deby’s army is a force to be reckoned with, is it not? But look closer, General. Look at their arms. Their forces are all designed not to seize land, but merely to harass unit formations! Their only conquesting soldiers are their Cavalry, but in the hilly terrain of Kampala, their horses are worthless!”
As the general ponders Idi Amin’s words, the King next moves his attention to the southwest. “Angola, too, has a military designed only to pillage, not to conquer. But what’s more, while they have many fortresses along our great capital city's border, they could surely never lead a conquest through such a narrow and rugged passage! An assault would be all but impossible!”
Idi Amin swiftly moves on to the southeast of the map. “Those Swahili dogs would similarly be forced through but a few narrow passageways with only mounted soldiers if they were to strike at our homeland. With no ports along ‘Nnalubaale, a naval invasion is also out of the question. Not that I expect those louts to ever fire a gun again, mind you!” Idi Amin laughs, but the general is lost deep in thought. Is what the Mad King is saying really true? And if it is, then what is he getting at?
Finally, the King focuses on the northeast. “The Yemeni are certainly the most dangerous of our neighbors then, correct? They are the only nation with any reasonable paths toward Entebbe. But think, my friend, think!” He whips out a sketch of the Somali coastline. “Those money-hungry fools only care about their navy! There’s hardly a soldier setting foot on the entire Horn of Africa! Do you know what this means, general?”
The general shakes his head. “Perhaps our neighbors are indeed less threatening than Ihad assumed, your Highness, but the same factors which keep our enemies out also keep our own soldiers locked within the mountains. What good is it that we are safe if the lands outside our borders keep us imprisoned anyways?”
“Imprisoned?” Idi Amin howls. “We are FREE, general! World conquest may be out of our grasp, but as things stand, within these walls we may do as we please without concern! This is not a prison, it is a sanctuary, a seat from which we may watch those below us slaughter one another on the world stage as we sit and laugh! We have nothing to gain, general, but we no longer have anything to fear! We are free!”
The general ponders his king’s words for a long time. Idi Amin sits nearby, his nose to the sky, clearly feeling quite proud of himself. Finally, the general speaks up once more.
“...Do you want to go commit war crimes, sire?”
Idi Amin grins from ear to ear. “Of course, friend. After all, who can stop us?”
And with one final look at Uganda, this episode finally draws to a close. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, because I feel like we’ll be feeling the effects of these past 15 turns or so for a long time to come. Once again, I’ve been u/daXfactorz or NopeCopter, and thank you for reading.