Civ Battle Royale As war begins to spread across the cylinder, civs begin their rise to glory…or fall from grace. And there’s a lot of scouting going on.
Hello world! Welcome to Episode 3 of CBRX Season 3. My name is Captain Bohemian, and I am excited to make my narrating debut for you all today. I have been a fan of the CBR since the days when The Buccaneers held a slice of Africa and “How To Fight Wars Good” was merely a rough draft, so I consider it a huge honor to help chronicle this event. Without further ado, let’s sail into parts unknown…
Hokusave got Hoku-saved last week thanks to the excellent bartering skills of the Mohave diplomat that negotiated a peace deal just in time. They say that the diplomat is currently looking for a man in a tacky suit named Benny…
At long last, audio narration is returning! Big shout out to DocIdo for lending his voice and continuing the tradition started by Burgerkrieg and Dawkinzz for those of us who enjoy watching and listening to the world burn.
Everyone’s favorite cylindrical showdown/pyramid scheme continues to be a success because of the financial support of viewers like you. Thank you!
The Permians retain their top spot from last week, thanks to the large open space they have to work with and the strength of their army. They’re not completely untouchable, but they’re certainly doing well for themselves.
We begin with a joint declaration of war against Pandya, with Afghanistan and The Permians as the aggressors. With Pandya lacking in military strength, Alli Rani will have to depend on distance and wooded terrain to buy her time to pick up the slack.
A Lippa-lippa from The Yolngu drifts westward and observes a Pandyan scout meet with a representative from Botswana in an attempt to form the first international scouting and map-making convention known as “Scout Con”. A Permian scout was also invited and being led over, but the recent declaration of war has made proceedings tense.
Another slide, another joint declaration of war. This time, Lithuania finds itself in the crosshairs of the Rus’ and Yugoslavia. This may finally be Olga’s chance to break into Europe and take a bite out of a regional threat, but Gediminas is certainly no pushover.
An Egyptian scout looks out over Eastern Europe, hoping to avoid the conflict as they draw maps of the region. They, sadly, have not been invited to any conventions yet.
In Egypt proper, we see they have recently expanded south with the settlement of Gempaaten. We also get our first look at the Khopesh, a spearman replacement with a bonus against wounded units. Personally, I just think they’re neat. They look like the perfect tools for committing crimes. Whether or not they will be used for that purpose, only time will tell.
Botswana’s short-lived offensive against Angola has quickly turned into a defensive scramble as The Zulu begin pounding at the walls of Gaborone. The pressure is on as Seretse Khama now has two neighbors pushing in and few escape options remaining.
As was shown on the last slide, The Permians gladly accept Qocho’s generous offering of Beshbaliq. “How thoughtful”, thought Azykay, “that they would leave me such a wonderful gift. I only wish he would’ve told the citizens there that they were being given to me as well. I think some archers got a bit bruised out there.”
Perm attempts to hold its own rival Scout Con to the one in Pandya, inviting Vladimir, The Göktürks, and their brothers in arms Afghanistan to their land.
In an attempt to save face and gain some popularity with his people, Süngülüg Khagan appoints Sitting Bull as his new leading general. Legends say that he once came back from the dead twice, a feat that Khagan can only wish to replicate.
Yet another joint DOW, now with Perm and Tuva teaming up on Massagetae. Tomyris has opted for the bold strategy of spreading her cities in a thin line—including the recently-founded Chorasmia—in the hopes that her opponents will divide their forces equally and fail to make any progress. A tried and true strategy in many AI games, to be sure.
Out of spite, she also starts her own Scout Con and invites Ainu, Mori, and Turkey. An Assyrian scout, who received an invitation from both Perm and Massagetae, weighs his options carefully in the hopes of not accidentally earning the ire of one of the larger regional powers.
Tensions begin to rise on the Korean Peninsula as Glorious Leader Kim Il-Sung attempts to remove the unsightly red blemish from his land. He’s even sent a division of spearmen to infiltrate the Mori capital, which he has assured them will most certainly not result in their immediate death.
Elsewhere, Angola makes peace with Botswana while Jonas Savimbi accuses Yugoslavia of being in cahoots with the MPLA.
Apparently Castille does indeed exist, despite what some mapmakers may have you believe—much to the ire of the people of Tétouan, who had been left in the dark. Sayyida al-Hurra invites several skilled scouts from across the land to help her make better maps, an idea which she borrowed after hearing whispers of similar “scouting conventions” in the works towards the east. The Kievan Rus’, Yugoslavia, The Anglo-Dutch, and Chad all send skilled cartographers her way.
In Castille, rumors spread of strange men from far west talking about a jacket made of iron and “manifest destiny” sailing up the coast. Isabella has advised her citizens to avoid engaging with these clearly deranged heathens.
The Arapaho decide that they gotta have a little more faith and decide to enhance their religion while combating the Cree outside Wootei-Niicie.
To the northwest, a veritable parade of Willie Seaweed’s finest men duck-walk down south in a bid to snag some prime real estate.
Tuva has decided that the Han are a bit too close for comfort and declares war. Wu has begun training a few Qiang Spearmen to hopefully turn the tide and help expand his cultural borders...by force. We also see two Han settlers heading southeast who plan to double the Han city count.
Messi finally signs on to the Yugoslavian team, leaving Robert Guiscard down an important player. To celebrate, Josep Broz Tito hosts a football game and invites a handful of scouts as spectators. Egypt, Lithuania, Castille, and Yemen all show up for the event, which was definitely NOT called Scout Con.
With this, The Normans have been all but completely shut off from the rest of Europe and locked in the Mediterranean. Then again, Sarajevo and Skopje could be attainable if they don’t get support fast enough, and the North African coast is open…
In South America, RDLP takes the fight to Brazil. Meanwhile, the Inca continues to expand with Chan Chan to the north and another settler out and about.
Speaking of settlers, a sneaky Chilean swings around Buenos Aires in a possible attempt to cut off their bright blue neighbors once again.
General Antonio Luna leads the American pincer maneuver on Apopka, with…mixed results. It’s gonna take more than a few arrows to take the city, but it’s certainly not out of the realm of possibility.
Meanwhile, Qocho nervously agrees to let Perm keep Beshbaliq, an arrangement which the Permians thought was pretty much decided upon already whether Qocho wanted it or not. Kim Il-Sung raves about how unfair the whole ordeal is, and denounces Azykay for picking on the little guy.
The ducks on parade of The Kwakwaka'wakw have decided that the Cree are in the way of their migration and decide to go through them rather than around them. The rough terrain may prove challenging to navigate, however. Still, Poundmaker is starting to sweat now that another one of his neighbors is at war with him.
Inexplicably, several scouts have decided to dress up as birds and follow the migratory path of Willie Seaweed’s ducks. Bird-enthusiasts from the lands of Modoc, Ainu, America, Comanche, Greenland, Seminole, and Mohave prove that scouts of a feather do indeed flock together as they all join in on the fun—nevermind the fact that none of them actually resemble the unique scouts of the Kwakwaka'wakw. For that reason, this is also not being called Scout Con.
A man named William Slim sees the sad state of Botswana and decides to enter the military to change things for the better. Now a general, he’s been tasked with holding the gates of Gaborone against the Zulu invaders.
Here we get a shot of the Brandenburg core, which should put the fear of God into any supporters of either of the Anglo-Bros. The waters between them and the Anglo-Norse might provide a bit of safety, but the Anglo-Dutch have no such advantage against a potential invasion.
Kokang declares war on Cambodia, opting to take a wide berth around Siem Reap with most units and heading straight for the capital. A few scouts from The Gökturks, Tuva, and Massagetae who enjoyed previous Scout Cons attempt to host one in Konkyan, but Olive Yang is a bit too preoccupied to bother entertaining the idea of it.
Süngülüg Khagan agrees with the crazy old man in North Korea about his unfair treatment and decides to angrily shout at Perm to give his city back.
On display here is the Maraval, Pandya’s spearman replacement with amphibious capabilities and an extra attack when starting the turn next to coastal tiles. Given the geography, this could be very beneficial indeed.
A Bengali settler takes bold steps in the middle of Indonesian cities. If it settles here, it will no doubt attract the wrath of Suharto. Then again, Yogyakarta is equally undefended. I wouldn’t be shocked if it and the future Bengal city were to exchange hands.
Our first shot of Australia in this episode reveals that the Wiradjuri won the race to Uluru…to the surprise of absolutely no one. The Yolngu are quickly being hemmed out of the continent, and will likely be contained to the northern coast unless they start expanding soon.
The war between Han and The Göktürks heats up as the two armies collide. It’s not immediately clear if either side has a distinct advantage, so we’ll have to wait and see how events unfold.
Jinyang, the first of Han’s backup cities, is founded to an audience of two scouts that got lost on their way to Scout Con. Apparently, they couldn’t figure out which one they were supposed to be going to.
Central America decides to once again go against everything it stands for and expand out of Central America, branching out onto Cuba and declaring war on The Seminole. Micanopy, in response, promotes Akamatsu Mitsusuke to the status of Great General. Also, it’s worth noting that Apopka is healthy and not being battered by American soldiers either.
A smattering of bird brains from The Mohave, Cree, Muisca, Kayapó, and Comanche fly around the Equator in what absolutely nobody would dare call a Scout Con.
Chile finishes construction on the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus in their capital. The gold bonuses are nice in the early game, but whether the AI knows how to spend that money wisely is another matter entirely.
The Normans and Yugoslavia stare at each other in a tense standoff as Messina recovers from the invasion. The Rus seem to be sending quite an army to the Lithuanian front, and Gardinas looks vulnerable…
The Philippines are still quite smug about the existence of Cavite El Viejo as a thorn in the side of Cambodia. They flaunt Great General Temujin to the world, daring anyone to try invading them. They seem to have forgotten that a Great General is only useful when you have land tiles. Perhaps they should have thought about training him to be a Great Admiral instead.
No, your eyes are not deceiving you. That is indeed a Kwakwaka'wakw Hamasta Dance, their unique scout replacement. He’s doing his Hamasta Dance with his friends and singing his high-pitched song (which has also been called “Hamasta Dance'' now) all over Newfoundland, and there’s nothing anyone in Vermont or Greenland can do about it but plug their ears. It can also destroy animal resources for XP and provides Great Artist points based on its level when it is defeated.
The Mohave venture to an uninhabited Hawaii, ripe for the picking. This coastal highway between North America and Asia will no doubt be a crucial juncture for local civs wishing to expand. With strategic placement, that Mohave settler could completely cut off civs like Cambodia from heading east until they gain access to ocean tiles.
North Korea seems to have a distinct advantage here, whittling away the health of Tajihi-Sarugake. If they can bring some of those land units onto the land, they could actually make some gains here.
The Great Ming founds Fuzhou and looks to grow further with another settler on the way out. However, their expansion efforts might be routed by the nearby Han settler. Yongle is certainly in no condition to contest Han for that land if war were to break out, so he’d better hope he can get his city settled where he wants it first.
Another glimpse of the annoyingly-similar green/gold trifecta in South America shows incredible growth from The Kayapó. There are entire civs with less population than Kremoro!
And now to a completely different green/gold civ! This lovely shot of The Emerald Isles reveals that Ireland is spreading nicely in its little corner of the world with the additions of Galway and Wexford.
Yet another sighting of the mysterious Comanche settler, this time in County Kerry. Will this be the final stop of this wanderer’s spirit journey?
Seretse Khama breathes a sigh of relief as he manages to convince Cetshwayo to call off his men. This could be seen as a lost opportunity for some, but The Zulu seems geared to rebuild stronger and go back for Round 2 soon.
The Egyptian army seems to be fascinated with the Red Sea and is opting to send their entire military force in it or across it. Is there a war with Yemen or Assyria looming over the horizon?
Just a bit further northeast, Turkey expands with the establishment of Izmir. The presence of a Great Prophet in Ankara is enough to inspire scouts from Egypt, Kievan Rus’, Lithuania, and Castille to make a pilgrimage—which is very, legally distinct from a Scout Con.
Bengal completes Cheomseongdae in the city of Dhaka. It gives +1 science for every 3 citizens in the city. It’s not their capital, but 11 pop at this stage in the game is better than some civs can say. It’s a small bonus, but a bonus nonetheless.
A look at Eastern Europe shows the various states of the cores of The Kievan Rus’, Vladimir, and Khazaria. Of the three, Vladimir seems to be the weak link stuck in the middle. A squeeze play by both immediate neighbors could prove to be lethal.
Chittagong raises its flag right in Suharto’s face, taunting all of Indonesia in the process. This bold play will almost certainly have diplomatic consequences in the near future…
The Seminole expand to Cuba with Loxahatchee. Central America sails to storm Cuscowilla, but this is certainly not enough of a force to take the city on its own. With America’s help, though…
Kodama Gentaro leads the Modoc military on a training exercise in the Rocky Mountains. However, it seems several troops didn’t quite get the memo and are waiting back at Captain Jack’s Stronghold.
The Comanche are still a city-state, in case you were wondering. Iron Jacket is clearly playing some 5D-chess on a diplomatic level that we just haven’t been made aware of yet, and must have a plan to settle a crucial spot somewhere that has access to the North Sea to ensure his victory. Maybe he’s given up on America for now and is opting to fill Scandinavia with cities before the Anglo-Norse get the chance. Honestly, I wouldn’t even be shocked if he does at this point.
In West Africa, Peng Duhai attempts to organize a slightly-disjointed Tétouan force moving towards Mali.
Various scouts have heard whispers of yet another Scout Con, this time held in the Sahara Desert. Diligent scouts from Ireland, Chad, The Normans, Angola, and the Anglo-Dutch all try to find where it’s being held…and each other.
The fertile core of Africa beckons as an Angolan settler steps deeper into the jungle. Whoever owns this land will one day rule all of Africa, no doubt. Jonas Savimbi has great plans to spread his influence and might—first the MPLA, then the world.
A rather lost Simon Bolivar wanders away from his troops, accidentally leading to the disorganization of the Kokang force heading towards Phnom Penh. The last time he was seen, he was smoking a strange plant and muttering something about people called “Jamaicans” who were going “to the moon” that he wished to eliminate, searching behind every tree for hiding soldiers.
General Tong Yabghu is briefed by Yongle himself about the recent Han settlement of Longbian. They haven’t formed a complete plan yet, but the settler moving north has been tasked with settling on the coast to deny further Han expansion.
The Cree proves that they are not just some doormat to be duck-walked on, and so Willie Seaweed declares that his men will waddle on out. Poundmaker’s war with The Arapaho seems to be proving difficult for Pretty Nose as well.
The Great Prophet in Ankara has given his blessing to Atatürk, granting him the title of “The Holy”. They hope that the protection of Muhammad is enough to keep them safe from their neighbors, as several of them seem to be coming along nicely with their unit carpets.
Afghanistan inches closer to Pandya and Bengal with the settlement of Multan. They’ve got a lot of room to work with, so it’s bold to move from Ahmad Shah Durrani to encroach on the land of their neighbors.
A congregation of scouts are once again drawn to each other, this time in the Himalayas. Awe-struck scouts from the lands of Vladimir, Botswana, Perm, Göktürks, Kokang, and Lithuania gather to observe the beauty of the mountains—physically separate, but together in heart and soul.
Now, we take a quick break to examine some of the religious beliefs of the cylinder. Theravada gives some decent benefits, but they’re unlikely to be of much use to a floundering fish like Qocho. The Göktürks have some well-rounded yields coming from Tengriism, at least.
For a civ with only one city, The Comanche seem pretty gung-ho about their faith output. It’s a good thing they’re getting bonuses in their palace, because their capital is quite possibly the only city they’ll ever have.
Meanwhile, Ireland and its not-so-Oriental Orthodoxy will give a nice faith bonus for all the coastal tiles surrounding the isles, which they can convert into culture with Stupas.
The Arapaho faith of Nestorianism gives them the ability to spread their borders quickly and make the most of the local resources, a combination that is sure to strengthen their ability to grow quickly.
The Anglo-Dutch have Lutheranism, which gives several benefits to cultural output. Were this a game to win our hearts instead of wars, I’m sure they would be ranked much higher.
Vladimir’s Eastern Orthodoxy benefits them when it spreads to their foes, granting them gold and a combat bonus when nearby. The more they can spread this to their neighbors, the more they can greatly increase these benefits.
Catholicism is the faith of choice for the nominally “atheist” Central Americans. The culture and tourism bonuses don’t do it much good here, sadly. Kayapó, however, did snag Interfaith Dialogue with the foundation of Catharism, and could continue to climb the science tree quickly if they continue to spread it.
Kilwa continues to do Kilwa things with a gold bonus from Bogomilism, but I’m more interested in all those buildings they can buy with faith. If the AI actually makes use of that function, they can save their precious production in the early game for making military units.
Lastly, Arianism is the faith of Timor-Leste. Their units get better healing and combat strength near their cities, making them a tougher nut to crack than one might expect.
Brandenburg settles Cottbus rather aggressively right outside of Roskilde. Judging by the two settlers visible here, they don’t seem to be letting up either. If they both go north, Brandenburg might cut the Anglo-Norse off from Sweden and Norway entirely.
In Castille, we get our first look at the Jinete, their unique horseman replacement. It restores health and movement after capturing a city of a different religion, gains an increased flanking bonus, and has a lower attack penalty against cities.
Various Tétouan cartographers groan at the thought of having to acknowledge Castille exists, but the settlement of Valladolid forces them to update their maps yet again.
Angola plops Cabinda smack dab in the middle of the deep jungle. The natural terrain is both a blessing and a curse: it’s far enough away to make reinforcing the city with units a hassle, while also providing defense should a civ like Uganda or Chad decide to swipe it.
The Khopesh Clan finally crosses the Red Sea to meet their target: Assyria. Akhenaten seems poised to swipe Assur from right under the nose of Sammuramat. If they’re quick, and just a little bit lucky, they might even be able to keep going.
Tétouan, despite being the first civ to found a second city, doesn’t seem to know how to found any more. Sayyida al-Hurra decides the most logical thing to do is try to take someone else’s instead, and aims south towards Mali. However, she doesn’t seem to have realized that spreading one’s army thin is usually a bad idea.
The North Korea/Mori war seems to have ground to a halt, but Kim Il-Sung doesn’t seem to have given up just yet. While it may be a slow war of attrition, he’s confident he’ll unite his peninsula under one flag soon enough. After all, the pikeman outside of Yoshida-Koriyama is still pillaging–and to add insult to injury, an annoying Hamasta Dancer is playing his music and dancing his heart out just to their north.
Han settles Jiangling right off the coast, cutting off The Great Ming and their attempts to do the very same to the Han with a settler of their own.
Windradyne, despite not being the most religious man himself, has heard that his people have taken a liking to calling him a “crusader”. As much as he enjoys the title, he hasn’t really done any sort of “crusading” yet. The lands of the Yolngu and Maori are still relatively peaceful…for now.
Uganda decides that the Yemeni people need to be shown de wae and endeavor to start with the city of Aden. It’s positioning makes it difficult for Arwa al-Sulayhi to support it, making this look like easy pickings for Idi Amin.
The Comanche settler continues pressing onwards, still not content with Ireland. None know what his goals are…if even he knows. Maybe he will make landfall on Iceland and settle there. Maybe he will push even further, and settle in Scandinavia. Or maybe, just maybe, he will complete a full rotation around the cylinder before coming right back to where he started. The world may never know.
The Muisca are making money moves by establishing the Tundama Canal and building more settlers to follow. This will give them naval access to both sides of the continent, but also make them vulnerable to both sides. Central America looks like it could use a city like that…
Also, Loxahatchee is deep in the red due to the assault by America. Central America has a warrior nearby, but they’ll have to hustle if they want to snipe that city for themselves.
The Great Lighthouse is built in the Kilwa capital. If they decide to pursue becoming a naval power, it could spell trouble to some of their neighbors, specifically Yemen to the north and Zulu to the south with both having some weak coastal cities and no real navy to speak of yet.
Speaking of civs with crazy settler strategies, Chile seems to be going even higher–not just to block RDLP, but Brazil as well. The new Brazilian settlement of Recife seems to have gotten in the way, but that’s no problem at all for this adventurous soul.
Robert Guiscard, now with limited options, spreads out further south and west in the hopes of establishing dominance over the Mediterranean Sea. Given how little room Tétouan currently takes up and Egypt’s focus on the east, they might not have much competition in this region.
The Kayapó continue to gobble up land with their absurd population growth with the new settlement of Baú.
Yet more scouts continue to scour the waves in search of new horizons to add to their maps. Explorers from the Inca, Brazil, and Chile navigate around the Caribbean, in an event that I personally would not describe as being a Scout Con.
We see some new expansions with Siauliai and Sarkel from Lithuania and Khazaria, respectively. The latter seems to be in a decent position, but the former looks to be in danger—the forces of Vladimir and Kievan Rus' loom nearby. Hopefully that shiny new catapult can be put to good use if either (or both) armies come a-knockin’.
Off to the side, a Massagetae settler creeps into view.
The assorted assemblage of assassins assaulting Assyria will assuredly assuage them of Assur without assistance...I assume.
Qocho settled another city!
…Right next to the capital of a neighbor that can easily take it. Again. Even while they’re battling the Göktürks, Han can’t pass up on an opportunity for a free city from the regional punching bag.
A one-time fluke I can excuse, but at this point I’m convinced Süngülüg Khagan is actively trying to throw the game. At least he’s settled more cities than The Comanche.
Kim Il-Sung addressese his troops triumphantly, declaring that Tajihi-Sarugake is practically already in Korean hands thanks to the continued efforts of the mighty North Korean military. In reality, they’ve absolutely bungled this invasion and the city stands undamaged.
In Yoshida-Koriyama, Zhukov is promoted to the rank of general by Mōri Motonari himself in recognition of his strategic brilliance for suggesting to send yet another settler onto the peninsula while their foes were distracted. However, that settler’s life will depend on whether it gets to move before or after the pikeman standing next to it.
We bring this episode to a close with another look at the progress of the Kokang invasion of Cambodia. It seems to be going in favor of Kokang, who now has an additional two settlers about to find new land to claim.
A wide variety of scouts watch the siege of Siem Reap from a safe distance. It doesn’t matter who they are or where they come from—Cambodian, Bengali, Göktürk, Lithuanian, Massagetaen, Tuvan, North Korean, Permian—all fear the invaders that may someday reach them and their homes. In a way, this is the reality of common ground that keeps Scout Con going, no matter where or when it happens.
Thank you for joining me on this episode filled with expansion, invasion, migration, and other nonsense. See you next week for another exciting episode of CBRX Season 3!