Civ Battle Royale ← Episode 32: Expecting the Unexpected Episode 34: Tales of Unstoppable AI, Epic Battles, and Unforeseen Upsets →
June 07, 2023
ThyReformer
The quiet peace of pacifist communities is shattered, as the great powers of the world employ increasingly devastating weapons of war to satisfy their bloodlust.
Hey. Welcome back to Civ Battle Royale. I’m ThyReformer, and I’m a narrator today. Last episode saw Turkey dismantle another neighbor, the deaths of many rumps, and Arapaho continuing to cement their power in North America. And can’t forget about the new neighbors we have down in Antarctica. Those Iberians sure have a strange propensity towards madness, and this stunt will be hard to beat.
Moving on, I’m gonna go on record saying Orange’s comic this week is the best OC this season. Orange has been consistently making great countryball comics, but this 14-page special edition is simply amazing.
As always, my utmost respect towards those who can keep up the map work. This one is Nathanmasse’s, and the tile-accurate style is probably my favorite. Expect some of these borders to shift this episode, perhaps radically…
Eternal thanks to these generous souls.
That deviation value should tell you all you need to know about what’s happening behind the scenes. The debate over Castile’s rank - and if they even deserve one - will surely continue to live on.
And we’re into action. This region of the world still has rumps to clean up, and Bengal, ever the rivals of Kokang, decide that being able to kill Cambodia would be a great way to humiliate their worst rivals. The Cambodian city-state has proven itself to be a tough nut to crack, and Bengal’s approach is far worse than Kokang’s, but maybe the tech difference is finally big enough to make a difference?
With the Angolan military concentrated on breaking through Kilwa’s defenses, the recently conquered Chadian territories are largely ungarrisoned. That hasn’t stopped Angola from placing some citadels towards Uganda, likely in preparation for an easier invasion once they’re done with Kilwa.
Lithuania hangs on to a few original cities in the frigid north, and may have just enough luck here to keep a city or two. The Turkish borders stretching northward mean that Brandenburg will struggle to advance past Nesvyzius, while Tuva is kept at bay by the Lithuanian submarine fleet. Either way, an untenable position, and a sad state for a civ that looked quite healthy a while ago.
With the excuse of the Norman-Ugandan war, we look at the Angolan-occupied Chad another time. I’ll point out that Chad could deal some damage with a quick blitz, but with a serious production disadvantage, would likely end up falling back all the way to Fada.
As one would expect, the hellish terrain between Angola and Kilwa means that progress is slow, if there is any progress at all. I would predict Kuito to be decisively Angolan by the end of the war, but considering Kilwa’s navy, the coastal cities will end up being flipfests. If Angola even makes it that far, that is.
The Bengalese air force gets to work on reducing Phnom Penh to rubble. Now if only a melee unit could sneak in…
A city was burnt to the ground here last time, as you may recall. Kokang is taking advantage of the Resettlement tenet to, well, resettle the island with more starting population. Not the worst strategy ever. Avoids those pesky foreign dissidents, too.
One civ died here last episode and another was forced into retirement, and the region is still ugly as sin. It’s like an eldritch horror in how it makes me want to tear my eyes out of their sockets. REALLY hoping Normans do some more clean-up here instead of dreaming up campaigns against Uganda.
A combined Muiscan-Incan offensive against Kayapo would certainly devastate the massive population centers and peaceful nature preserves of the Green Terror of the Amazon. Whether the attackers could hold onto territory gained is another thing, but Kayapo is not known for building a large army.
Ahmes was an ancient Egyptian scribe in our timeline. Perhaps he is cataloging and chronicling the ecological benefits of Kayapo’s preservation policies.
In North America, Cree and Arapaho continue their grueling deathmatch, which, considering the statistical advantage Arapaho has, should not be nearly this close of a fight. The Cree fighting spirit is admirable, comparable perhaps to that of the Yugoslavs, even as they fight in the ruins of their once-great capital.
Cree maintains a sizable fleet in the Pacific, likely in fear of an opportunistic attack from Mohave.
I spoke too soon. Turkey has granted open borders to Brandenburg, and on the other side a Tuvan tank has reached the gates of Seinai. Merely a matter of time now before Lithuania is banished to Iberia, that land of the deranged…a perilous suggestion.
Off-screen, Tuva captures Seinai indeed, and Brandenburg takes Svencionys…but do my eyes deceive me?! It seems that Lithuania managed to retake Nesvyzius, and THEN succeeded in negotiating peace with Brandenburg. A remarkable feat. Assuming Lithuania’s submarine fleet is intact, Tuva will struggle to take the last Lithuanian arctic city. Perhaps Lithuania will avoid the dark fate of banishment to Iberia after all.
Ah, paratroopers, the skeleton key to open any lock. Now if only the AI used some of that air superiority to kill Cambodian units, the approach would be far simpler. I would absolutely bet on a Cambodian death at this point though.
That’s what I get for praising them. Though Nesvyzius was in minimal danger, Lithuania simply gives the city away in the peace deal with Tuva. Lithuania is fully, inexorably, an Iberian city-state now.
Another glance at this peninsula that doubles up as a tomb. Lithuania does have a settler, though, so that could be a source of absurdity in its own right…
That didn’t take long. The city may flip, but Bengal humiliates Kokang with ease, putting countless Cambodian musicians out of work. Or maybe they were already unemployed.
Cambodia is eliminated in 32nd place. Cambodia was one of those civs that had a rough time expanding at all. Forward-settled by pretty much every neighbor from the get-go - even the Philippines made landfall in South East Asia just to spite Cambodia - they never got a real chance. After being reduced to a city-state, they fought an admirable defense against Kokang for a few hundred turns, and eventually earned their right to be Kokang’s pet city-state. Of course, that was mostly just Kokang trying to hide the embarrassment of the failure. But the world kept on moving forward while Cambodia remained stuck in the Renaissance, a living artifact of the past, until the tech difference was simply too great, and Bengal squashed them like a bug. F.
Ah! The war I expected is here! For most of history, Inca hadn’t maintained a sizable military in their homeland, so when they did start doing so, you knew something was up. Still, this will not be easy, and I don’t know where the Incan air force is lounging, either. Hopefully not on the other side of their vast empire. These starting turns of a war matter a fair bit.
First blood is dealt down here, though, and this may very well be the most active theater of the war, considering the Incan naval strength in the Pacific. Funny enough, here is also a sizable portion of the Incan airforce, for some reason. Let’s hope it gets shuffled to a better position.
A pack of hungry Angolan infantry approach the weakened and vulnerable city of Kuito. Will they feast tonight? Or will they starve?
Turkey does not employ a lot of land forces, instead relying on a dominant airforce and an overabundance of nuclear weapons to maintain their sprawling empire. Considering the overall tiny amount of regular land units Turkey has, the deployment of even this many troops near the Norman border could hint at war in the near future.
Conveniently, here is a great comparison. Turkey has only a smattering of land units on the Afghan border. It is less than what Afghanistan has here, but it is absolutely more than what Tuva seems to have down here.
Timorese Australia here, largely still puppeted as the conquerors take on the massive undertaking of assimilating the vast continent and its populace into the empire.
A look at Greenland, who are probably safe from attacks from North America for a while now, considering America was crippled and Arapaho doesn’t have enough of a presence here yet. But still, they must look eastward with fear. The Brandenburger fleet fills the entire North Sea, and spills into the Atlantic. These numbers are sufficient to bring terror to most civs on the Atlantic, but so far Brandenburg has not seen the need to use this power.
Ah, shame, the Angolan infantry did indeed starve. Little change here, but wouldn’t it be funny if Yemen attacked Kilwa as well?
As was advisable, Inca has moved a large airfleet of 30 planes - possibly including nukes - to their homeland. And just in time as well, as Kayapo makes the first move here, beelining for Quito. Don’t let the puny size of the offensive fool you: in the age of the airplane, even one of these special forces is plenty enough to flip the city.
Inca’s turn finishes processing, and what a turn it is. Those special forces near Quito I was talking up just last slide have been destroyed, and the Incan fleet makes easy pickings out of Kayapo’s Pacific holdings. Note the near complete absence of Kayapo military down here. These cities ain’t flipping back any time soon.
Meanwhile in the north, Arapaho moves forward, slowly but surely. The frontline washes over the crumbling Cree capital, and even the indomitable Cree fighting spirit will struggle to retake the city. Still, the war isn’t getting any easier for Arapaho, and every turn spent struggling is another turn that might lead Mohave to take advantage of the defenseless southern Arapaho.
Well, we did expect it. A special Mohave operation finally takes out the North Korean mountain fortress, and North Korea is eliminated in 31st place.
North Korea likewise played an unimpressive game, but at least not as unimpressive as Cambodia. Small consolation, though. North Korea spent most of the game settling little and fighting a lot, particularly against Mori. Eventually, the pitiful Korean civ had the last of their hopes and dreams crushed by Han, and North Korea was imprisoned in the very city they fought Mori for, over and over…Life’s cruelties have a way of being ironic. Death in the hands of Mohave was but an inevitability. F.
That’s a funny notification. I believe this is an effect from one of the policy trees from JFD’s mod, the one that, uh, adds three more policy trees. Pretty straightforward.
Turns out Castile is telling other rumps about our observer sub. Uganda is the first to pay a visit, sending a rifleman platoon led by the greatest Ugandan general, Gaius Marius, in hopes of taking over the submarine. Good luck, you’ll need it!
The RDLP government-in-exile makes its way to Germany. Perhaps they hope to convince Brandenburg to send its massive fleet over to South America to take revenge. Kayapo’s sudden slaughter of the remains of the RDLP state certainly did not make them any friends, but I’d still find Brandenburger intervention…unlikely.
Castro is next to fall, but Kayapo has increased their military presence here since we last visited. Seems that Raoni wishes to contest these conquests after all. I would try to focus on the Incan homeland, myself - a flipfest with the Incan navy is a losing battle.
Unfortunately, the new Kokang settlement was only briefly free from Mohave influence. The minimal amount of Kokang melee units here means the city may very well remain Mohave for a while.
Normans are the next of many to crack the atom. It is a tool they may need to stand a chance against their stronger neighbors.
Kuito has fallen! Meanwhile, right to the south, Angolan paratroopers make landings near Kilwa Kisiwani, and a flanking force approaches through Timorese territories! The Kilwan coast will start flipping any moment now…
Valdivia is next, and Inca is approaching the Cape Horn, moving forward without mercy, while Kayapoan attempts to stall the advance seem to be futile. Time will tell if the tech-turtle of the Amazon can staunch the bleeding.
What’s up with Chan Ai Tee taking damage? Plane bombardment, or missiles, perhaps? Or maybe Kokang sent a contingent of ships this way and it got cleaned up just in time for Lacs to pan this way, similar to what happened here two episodes ago. Either way, not much happening here right now.
Uh, maybe I spoke too soon about Brandenburg and intervention in South America. Wonder where they’re headed?
Looks like Arapaho is finally breaking through the Rockies in a somewhat decisive manner. Cree is still far from giving up. It has looked hopeless for a while, but a hopeless fight is still a fight worth fighting.
Jujuy is the next domino to fall. The next target, Maipo, will be on the Atlantic, and considering it is as well defended as previous Kayapo cities, I do not foresee this city holding on for very long either.
Back on the main front, the war has stalemated beyond all consideration, but Incan air superiority is blatantly apparent here judging by the Kayapo cities on the front being bombarded down to 0 health. Even Kremero itself - the beating heart of the Kayapo Empire, with a population of 164,931,000, equivalent to the entire real life nation of Nigeria - is completely vulnerable. There is a very real danger here that the Kayapo line collapses, and Incan troops will simply walk into the defenseless Kayapo core. For now, they hold on…
On the other side of the world, a far weaker civ’s capital falls. Kilwa is all but crippled, but the flipping is only just about to begin. Angola will win little more than ruins.
A look at the well-carpeted Timor core. Some Cambodian stragglers are taking up residence here. Various advanced units dot the Timorese lands and seas.
Irataba, upon hearing that Castile has managed to live on in a hidden corner of the world, has taken it upon himself to take this sanctuary for himself. Rumor is, the North American ruler has a distinct interest in the strange submarine hiding in the Antarctic…
Zanzibar and Kilwa Kisiwani both flip. The Festival has only just begun.
Mohave and Kokang make peace with minimal change in borders. For the whole war, it felt like Irataba barely cared enough to deploy even a dozen units to the front. I fear he is becoming…obsessed with the new-found knowledge regarding Antarctica, consumed by his desire to find out exactly what is going on here.
Kokang, in the meantime- Hold on. Can you spot the difference? On slide 38, there was a very populous city here bearing the name of Saungkang. Now there is an empty gap.
…
Due to the lack of fallout, the leading theory is that Mohave used non-nuclear missiles to wipe out the city. To think that Irataba ordered a Kokang city annihilated, just to get the peace deal he desired - and he did not even use it to get cities out of Kokang, he merely wanted to get out of the war to move his focus elsewhere. Concerning, to say the least.
The stalemate on the edge of the Amazon continues, but Inca finds itself in the Future Era, here.
Well that’s an ugly sight. In more ways than one. One plane for all these supercarriers. That’s a lotta scrap metal!
Maipo falters. Kayapo resistance is still rare down here.
The Yugoslav carpet probably has more land units than any of their neighbors. Normans and Brandenburg are mostly navy, and Turkey is mostly air power. What a strange situation.
Oh, well, there goes the vacation those units were having. France is such a pretty place too, but now they gotta fight a pointless war against Greenland. The absurdity of war at its best!
Still flipping. Kilwa’s navy will easily drain before the Angolan army does, but that was inevitable all along.
La Plata falls to the encroaching Incan navy, but to much surprise, Inca makes advances on land as well, getting through Rancagua’s defenses with a single armored unit. Valdivia looks ready to be the first city Kayapo flips back, but a contingent of the Incan navy is waiting right outside the city, rendering the effort futile.
Much of the Tuva lands. A healthy amount of both land units and planes dot the landscape. Whether they could hold against Turkey is debatable, though.
Come Kayapo’s turn, Rancagua and Valdivia flip indeed, giving Raoni and his people an inkling of hope…but the very next turn, that hope too will be taken away.
Well, alright. Yugoslavia, unwilling to fight Greenland for nothing, decides to taunt Anglo-Dutch into declaring war on Yugoslavia to throw Yugoslavian units out of France. The lack of direct border between the two means that very few units will be fruitlessly wasted here, saving countless lives.
The Kilwan coast flips to Angola again, reduced to little population. Oddly enough, it seems that Kilwa is unwilling to continue fighting further, their navy fleeing direct confrontation. This would be a sad end to an already sad war.
War continues to engulf Europe, as Brandenburg joins the war against Yugoslavia! The two have fought before, and despite Yugoslavia’s competence, Brandenburg managed to break even with a peace deal. Let’s see how it goes this time - Brandenburg has advanced tanks, but Yugoslavia has plenty of anti-tank guns, and far more reinforcements riled up and ready to go, while Brandenburg still has complete control of the skies.
Valdivia is back in Incan hands, and apparently Tupiza flipped back and forth while we were away in Europe, too. More Incan reinforcements filter towards the Atlantic, and Kayapo does not seem strong enough to resist, obsessively focused on protecting the Amazon core.
Against my previous judgment of cowardice, the Kilwan navy returns to flip the coast after all! On the next flip, the former glory of the Kilwan capital will be reduced to 1 pop - a dead husk, shell of its former self.
I haven’t been keeping up with these at all so I’m not much good at telling what’s changed. But I’ll note anything that sticks out to me. Pretty Nose claiming rulership over Cree already is a bold statement, and Mohave’s dominant faction being about degrowth is probably not a great sign.
Republican Neo-Conservative Syndicate. What? Uhh. Anyway. Bengal is also facing a faction similar to Mohave, this time the anti-industry fraternity.
Seminole Monarchy-in-exile is dominated by a…Muisca animal rights group? That’s hilarious, and certainly shows who they’re puppeteered by.
Olive Yang is still the Emperor of all the Romans. Timor is another empire dominated by an environmentalist faction.
The Kayapo theocracy is dominated by an “interest party”. What’s the interest, defending your capital? More interesting - and concerning - is the faction ruling Yemen. The ultranationalists may very well go out of their way to eliminate Kilwa.
And finding the observers apparently leads to revolution. Checks out, really.
The world really hates Yugoslavian tourists. This time it’s Mali taking a stand: The Sahara will be cleansed of Yugoslav tourism!
Rancagua falls to Inca again. This has been a slow and methodical dissection of the Kayapo south so far, but at last we’re seeing some Kayapo ships heading this way. Whether they can outnumber the Incan reinforcements will be another thing entirely, and I’m not holding my breath.
It’s been a while since we glanced over this way, and progress appears to have been minimal, as Arapaho fails to advance past the Rockies after all. Cree reinforcements spring forth boundlessly, and possess fighting spirit everlasting!
As one would expect, Messina is the first victim of the re-ignited rivalry. Things are looking rough for Yugoslavia near Zagreb, though, and the city will likely flip soon.
Miserably enough, the Kilwan navy has been cleared out almost entirely now, and a few scattered Angolan units are even reaching Madagascar. The fight for the Kilwan coast is all but over.
Though Saungkang was the first victim of the newfangled weapons of mass destruction, Pretty Nose is the first ruler on the cylinder to launch a nuke, devastating Cree’s side of the frontline with the press of a button. Frustration regarding the slow pace of the war must have finally boiled over. Loon River and Totouskak are both nuked, though little was left of the cities anyway, and as said, this feels more like a play made in anger and frustration than an actual thought out move. Still, Arapaho will continue the painfully slow advance.
A good look at the now-ruined landscape.
The stalemate on the edge of the Amazon might finally be breaking, as Kayapo mechs approach Chan Chan, and in the south Kayapo mounts a defense around Concepción, but turn your gaze eastward. A stray tyrannosaurus rex rampages through the fields near former Brazil. The Kayapo scientists have bitten off more than they can chew with this one. A sign of things to come?
Messina flips back and forth, and Zagreb holds. The war in Central Europe remains tenuous. Reinforcements are direly needed on the front.
The fallout barely slows down the Cree defenders. This line will not fail. For the Cree Republic!
Judging by the population difference, Zagreb has flipped back and forth. In the west, Yugoslavian paratroopers continue to be a small nuisance to Brandenburg at best. Can they hold on?
Well I have to eat my words here again. One more small fleet of Kilwan ships makes its way into Kilwa Kisiwani, and the city may flip a few more times yet. Still, Mombasa’s low health stirs despair deep within my soul.
Mendoza, another massive population center, falls to the ever-advancing Incan navy. The defense mounted around Concepción has faltered rather easily. An Incan forward fleet reaches deep into the Atlantic, unchallenged. Though this is far from a collapse, the gains made by the Inca in this war are undeniable and nigh-impossible to undo. Kayapo simply does not have enough units, and for whatever reason, not enough will to make units fast enough. A problem that had burdened them since the beginning, but until now it had not caused them much issue.
We see Zagreb in Brandenburger hands, but their hold over the city is tenuous at best. Time will tell if this is simply the first of many Yugoslav cities to fall or if Yugoslavia can turn the tide again.
Mikisew, the new Cree capital, is nuked as well, giving more ground to my theory of these nukes being fired by Pretty Nose in anger, seeing as Arapaho cannot reach the city yet. Likewise, Katepwewi is nuked, but is unreachable for the Arapaho military as of now.
Funny enough, people were talking on the discord server about who would have invented anime in this world. I suggested Mohave, mostly on a whim, and it seems I was correct, as Mohave build the Virtual Idol. Hatsune Miku gains ground in the entertainment scene, reaching millions and millions, if not billions. In the future, the most famous entertainer will be an AI…
Dmitri Shostakovich, a Soviet-Russian composer in real life, is refusing to flee his homeland even if it gets him killed. One cannot help but respect his stubborn bravery. The Cambodian people will remember him and his music for all of eternity, certainly.
Despite my complaining about Kayapo’s incompetence in the south, Kayapo has finally massed enough units to take a city off of Inca to balance out the dozen or so cities they’ve lost so far. If Inca are not careful, they may lose the nine planes sitting in the city, which would be a serious blow, even if Kayapo has only one measly plane in the area. These mechs seem to be doing a lot of work for Kayapo, but the Incans have managed to copy this technological marvel to match their opponent on the battlefield. Without the technological edge, what can Raoni rely on?
And on the final slide here, Chan Chan holds on, but Kayapo’s own defenders can’t say the same. The stray trex is still rampaging through the countryside. Catamarca falls to a small squadron of ships, Tucuman is overwhelmed by the Incan land forces, but at least the defense of Concepción rages on, giving hope to the rest of Kayapo. And perhaps hope is exactly what they need in these dark times…
I was ThyReformer, and you were awesome for reading this. Hope to see you again next week!