Episode 35: The Barren and the Overflowed

1: Oh Nyo The Catgirl Is Back!

Ohayou gozaimasu (I can say that because I’ve started writing this in the morning) to all you guys, gals, and nonbinary pals! I’m back once again to narrate this episode of CBRX3. I’m Orange aka u/Orangechrisy aka the person who did Episode 5 aka the person who makes the civball comics aka Mohave supporter extraordinaire. Alas, I did not sneak my way into the dev team yet as I suggested last time but don’t worry I still have plans…

Anyways, prepare yourselves to be subject to my relentless messy train of thoughts and shit humor, because oh boy this will be a doozy (I say before I’ve read any of the episode and I don’t read ahead as I write it). Vaguely related, yeah, I should probably really try and find a therapist again. Also, join the discord (it’s linked on the site in the upper right)!

2: Nathanmappe

I just love the tile accurate map, it feels so nice to look at. Blessed be Nathanmasse and their maps.

3: SELF PROMOTION TIME WOO

Wow Orange you did really good on this comic that you haven’t drawn yet as of writing this slide. Great work. Love the idea of doing a comic about the Wiradjuri troops in Arapaho.

Anyways note to self for later: Draw comic about the Wiradjuri troops in Arapaho…

4: Shoutout to… the Gays!

It’s Pride Month and you know what that means!

(Lacs is trans, give her money or else, forfeit all possessions to Lacs)

(Or give me money I’m also queer af and could use the money)

5: Shoutout to… the Gay!

Yes I’m just putting Kokang’s slide here because gay. I could put the Inca who snagged first finally but no, I want this about the Yang herself. She was a lesbian and also had some genderqueer stuff going on. There was a recent book released about her which is pretty cool, I still need to read it.

6: Time for the Action!

We start off this episode with a nice shot of the Angolan invasion of the Normans going just swimmingly (for the Angolans). Savimbi takes Taranto and Catania and has units outside of Benevento. Gonna be honest the Normans have a good chance of dying this episode. But they did retake Melfi from Yugoslavia so that’s something.

7: The Security of Salerno

We pan upwards a bit with another turn and the Normans have retaken their capital! As someone really rooting for Yugoslavia right now this is very not good. If someone reading is a Norman fan then I guess good for you congrats hope you’re happy.

08: Pretty Nose Pretty Foes

The Arapaho continue their march into the Cree taking Mikisew and retaking Tigwaxsti. Uashat in the east somehow has not taken damage yet. And the Cree’s navy is rapidly thinning. Would be really awful for them if a certain naval power invaded them right now. *cough cough* C’mon Mohave fucking attack already what the fuck are you doing.

09: Timor-Weste

Gusmão finally decides to put Indonesia out of their misery and finish what was started nearly 300 turns ago. Medan is immediately brought to black and yeah I don’t fancy Indonesia lasting longer than a few turns…

10: Fall Out Boy and Girl

Nukes are continuing to fall down between these two eternal rivals, wiping out a fair few troops. But is it enough to stop the fighting altogether? No! Cree retakes Tigwaxti and pushes on Wabasca, Uashat falls to level and will soon fall. Mohave still hasn't joined the war.

Did you know that Fall Out Boy has a space between the Fall and the Out? I sure didn’t, found out when I went to check if it was Falloutboy or Fallout Boy. Was it always like this? They seem to be named a character that appeared in the Simpsons one episode, but that character looks to be spelled Fallout Boy? Why? Who did this? Why isn’t the band’s name spelled Fallout Boy? I need answers…

11: A Yuge Peace

The Normans tap out of their conflict with Yugoslavia just after Yugoslavia retakes the Norman capital, sadly they didn’t also get Melfi but hey we take what we can get. Now Guiscard can focus all his troops against Angola, Benevento is already looking a bit safer but Palermo is down in the red soon to be taken, but Guiscard does have some tanks of his own to retake it if that happens.

12: One Turn Later

Yes it has been one turn since T-L declared war and already Medan has fallen and both Chittagong and San Juan Del Monte are down to black with many units surrounding them. Next shot will be the eulogy.

13: Italian Pun

Palermo falls but as I said, the Normans have a lot of troops still around it so they can take it back. Benevento still isn’t being attacked for some reason, I really don’t know why like they have multiple rocket artillery around the city and the big robot thing that I don’t know the name of and will ask Coiot for later if I need it.

14: And All That’s Left Is The Workers

With this, Indonesia is out in 28th. A solid showing, made it to the top half, was a strong competitor for a bit even reaching 11th in the rankings at two points. But it was not meant to be… Timor-Leste got the upper hand and absolutely devastated Suharto, told him “Know your place bitch!”, and put Indonesia firmly out of the running. One down I wonder how many more.

The Collective Civilians of Indonesia (CCI) hold an emergency meeting after the last city falls. The collective, made up of merchants, admirals, fishermen, workers, and other civilians, discuss what to do now that their country is gone. Some propose they join Timor-Leste, others say they want to escape to Afghanistan or Bengal. The stressed times even cause a few fights to break out. One mother, a member of Settler Group 02, proclaims that the only thing she knows is that she will keep her children safe no matter what. They’re the only words that get unanimous support throughout the meeting.

15: Mech Battles

Arapaho finally takes Uashat with an immense amount of robot mech units, but Poundmaker gathers together quite the counter force and prepares a stronger defense of Tigwaxti, though Matimekosh looks to fall eminently. If the Cree can get enough naval units to take Wabasca then it’ll be tough for Arapaho to retake it, but Arapaho has a lot of planes. Mohave still hasn’t joined the war.

16: Mohave Still Hasn’t Joined The War

Mohave still hasn’t joined the war.

There’s approximately 0 Arapaho units on the border. Now there aren’t many Mohave units either but there are more, so if these two go to war it will be Mohave’s to fuck up the start of. Anyways, Mohave still hasn’t joined the war.

17: The Taranto Takeback

Benevento finally falls but WHAT’S THAT IT’S GUISCARD FROM BEHIND WITH A STEEL TANK. HE’S SNUCK A TANK INTO TARANTO AND HAS SECURED PALERMO. A BIG STUMBLE FOR THE ANGOLAN OFFENSE IN THIS ROYAL RUMBLE. DO THE NORMANS HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PUSH THE ANGOLANS BACK AND KEEP THEIR EMPIRE? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!

(Btw read all that in a wrestling announcer voice)

18: The Defenders of the Massagetae

A few lone Wiradjuri men stand on the barren snow of the small Antarctic land. With them, a lone Massagetae musketman sits, safe, protected. The Wiradjuri don’t know why they were given this task, they wanted to try and keep fighting the Inca, but instead they got put here, tasked with defending this icy shithole and the single Central Asian gunman. One officer of the artillery battalion, speaking with a field gun officer, is caught remarking “Did they send us here to die? They didn’t give us the means to even start up a settlement! Damned Windradyne! I’ve got half a mind to just shoot the Massagetaen next time he’s in range. Maybe we can get some more fish to ourselves…”

Overall a pretty cheery place. Also I did check this isn’t the sub hiding spot, this is a separate unsettled Antarctic piece of land.

19: Wabasca Wanting

Wabasca regains some health but gets further surrounded by Cree ships, though to be fair three of those are subs and two are carriers so not really the most effective for a naval invasion. The Cree are really running out of naval units now as I count only two ships in this image that can actually do something, but at least Arapaho isn’t building any more. Also, the Arapaho take Matimekosh but lose quite a few mechs. Mohave still hasn’t joined the war.

20: Waking Up to Ash and Dust

Angolan nukes fly high as they bomb the shit out of Taranto and Palermo, and the Normans look to have nuked Catania in return. Now the Normans are really running out of units and the Angolans still have another wave right behind them. Will they end at the coast or will they go even further into Europe?

21: Too Many Drones

We finally find out why Bengal hasn’t been building up that many troops: They’ve been saving the space for the Han drone army. Honestly this is one of the first armies that has carpeted enough to then go on to carpet another civ’s empire. So they just have this mega army apparently, would love to get a shot of their empire. But I think it’s important to note that, at least based on last episode’s stats, which is only 9 turns old, Han is losing 5k gold a turn. They are absolutely churning out units enough to fill up Bengal’s land despite being so in the hole. The fuck is Wu doing with his economy???

22: Benavyno

Angola has taken out the fleet around Benevento and more or less secured it. The army slightly pushes forward towards Palermo but the Normans are getting a bit more of a defensive force situated. Will it be enough? Probably not.

23: Bombing Battle-Mechs

Arapaho gathers their army for another push and sends so many planes at the Cree army. So many red numbers here indicating units and cities that are being bombed. I count 92 Arapaho air units here. I wonder how many are nukes?

24: Sometimes, my brothers, the best way, the only way to win... is by losing

Kayapo builds the Bionic Tower, and not in their capital this time. The Bionic Tower gives +2 Great Scientist points, and makes it so that specialists in cities consume half the amount of food and produce half the amount of unhappiness. This is a really really strong wonder but also lmao Kayapo you aren’t going to save yourselves with this.

Also no I never did play with Bionicles so the title here is just a random quote I found online that I hope has some significance or something.

25: Astonishing Air Power

Arapaho manages to somehow snag Bigstone without any ships, quite impressive. They are also slowly pushing back the Cree army and bombing everything to shit. Mohave still hasn’t joined the war.

26: Nuclear Annihilation

We get a nice zoomed in shot of the absolute devastation nukes have brought to the tundra wastes of Alaska. Not only are the cities taking big damage from them, but the units will take a lot of damage (both in getting destroyed by the nukes and the fallout chipping them down). The people here are suffering immensely from the war, but war never ends.

27: Emerald Isles

Good job on carpeting up your lands Anglo-Dutch! Just one minor issue: That is Greenlandish troops, not Anglo-Dutch troops… Look, I’m a big supporter of the Anglo-Dutch, I really love orange as should be obvious. But right now, it’s kinda feeling like the way to stop Brandenburg would be for Greenland to take over A-D and not the other way around (though A-D does have a big tech advantage). Either way, one of these two needs to take over the other to really stand a chance against BB.

28: Too Many Drones Two

It’s not quite a full on shot of Han, but it does show their gigantic army and how it absolutely dwarfs the Kokang army and the Mohave army. Now, the Han army is also very nice in having a mix of Drone UAVs and that modern armor. Whoever they attack next is gonna be in for some pain… At least until the completely broken Han economy which is stalling their tech completely sets them even further behind then they already are.

29: All Quiet on the Western Seas

An Incan naval seaman stands on the brow of their cyber ship, looking out on the empty waters near Inti Watana and Taumarunui. The serene waters of the Pacific have called to them all their life, got a bit lucky in being drafted for the fleet during the Kayapo war but late enough to not be sent east. Saved from the action, they’re content to live their dream at sea, enjoying the slow rocking of the ship, reveling in the banter among crewmates. Threat from the west is nearly non-existent, with only a few Timor-Leste ships nearby. It’s as good a life as can be.

Sidenote: Yes the city in the mod is spelled wrong, google put the red squiggle underneath so I looked it up and the mod has it wrong.

30: Jungle Jumble

We get a nice shot of the triple point between Kayapo, the Inca, and the Muisca. All of them have a spattering of units but not much. One thing to note however is that Kayapo has like 10 techs on the Inca, who have like almost 20 on the Muisca. But Kayapo doesn’t really have the strength to make a super army themselves, so a joint attack would be quite devastating especially after the previous one.

31: Dividiranian

We got a nice quiet border here between Turkey and Afghanistan, neither side has many troops. A stalemate of nothingness. That is all.

32: Bombed Berbers

Palermo and Catania swap hands as Capua falls to the red and another attack is launched at Benevento. The Normans are doing quite well in keeping Angola from getting too far in their offensive, having made peace with Yugoslavia really helped them refocus themselves in just one direction. Also Yugoslavia is building up a nice little army again, maybe they can attack a second time, spice things up.

33: The Green of the Jungle

Greenland is not only carpeting the Anglo-Dutch Isles, but also the Muisca lands across the Atlantic. Just what will Egede do with all these units? Nothing? Probably. Maybe he can launch an attack from foreign territory and do something crazy.

34: Mani-Ultimatum

The Arapaho surge ahead with their robot mechs and take Mani-Utenam while Mimkumlis drops to red. Things really ain’t looking good for the Cree here but they still have quite a number of cities left. It’s a long slow death…

Mohave still hasn’t joined the war.

35: The Celestial Empire

Governments! The main one to look at here is the Celestial Empire of Kayapo which has the Mandate of Heaven. That’s a wild government to have and I’m pretty sure quite special (no idea what bonuses it might give). Either way, it is quite the government, don’t think anyone else will be able to claim anything nearly as fancy.

36: No More Governments!

Seems that’s it for the governments, as instead we take a look at the Kayapo having Giant Death Robots. Now I’m not entirely sure because I may not have checked the most clearly, but I’m pretty sure this is the first Giant Death Robot build so far. Super strong, they are a great way to spend Uranium that’s not just nuking others to oblivion.

37: The Green Desert?

Greenlandish troops have even found their way into Yemen in Arabia. The troops are sweltering beyond belief, used to the freezing cold of the Arctic they are now forced to suffer through the highs of the desert in July. Truly awful conditions for the sprawling Greenland army.

Also I totally missed the Greenland/Brandenburg vs. Chad war until I went to the next slide and saw it, so now I’m back. The Greenlandish troops in Yemen have a second objective besides their first objective of “Survive”: “Survive, but against another army”. They won’t be able to do anything here but boy would it be funny if they did.

38: Incan Orchestras

We get our first Great Person highlight of the episode with Gustav Holst, famed Incan orchestral musician. Part of the Incan Cultural Enrichment Movement, he created pieces dedicated to the planets of the solar system.

OTL he was an English composer (1874-1934) who’s most famous work, The Planets, was composed throughout 1913-1916. Wikipedia has the quote: “[Holst's] influence is lasting in the work of all of us who value directness and sincerity and who view music not so much a secret preserve for the leisured few as a vital part of everyday life”.

39: Alaskan Falls

The Arapaho war-machine marches ever forward, taking control of Mimkumlis from the sea again without a navy. Mani-Utenam stays firmly in their hands and soon all the nearby units will be cleared out. The people cry out for their families amidst the bombs and bullets. You will have to reckon with yourself Pretty Nose, and everything that you’ve done. Mohave still hasn’t joined the war.

40: Bengal Beats

In the Bengal city of Darbhanga a rapper has risen to high prominence. Lauryn Hill’s hip hop beats and neo-soul music has grabbed the city’s attention, and even that of some of the visiting Han drones.

OTL Lauryn Hill is an American rapper (born 1975) who is regarded as “one of the greatest rappers of all time”, and her solo album The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill in 1998 is one of the best selling albums of all time. She’s often credited as the artist who popularized blending rap with melodic singing in the same song, also known as melodic rap.

41: A Dazzling Disappearing Act

Peace reigns! And it only costed two cities being nuked off the map and the Cree being reduced to a single arctic shithole. Though they do have a settler on Hokkaido that can resettle one of the lost cities. But wew, the Cree are fully out of the running and just an errant declaration from the Gokturks away from succumbing to the world and joining the sub. Massive win for Arapaho though who now have most of the continent on lockdown and have almost fully edged Mohave out of potential future gains in North America.

Mohave still hasn’t joined the war.

42: Shimizmir Mega City Pyramid

Ataturk builds the Shimizu Mega City Pyramid in Izmir which grants: +20 gold, science, and production, +3 Great Engineer points, eliminates building maintenance in the city it was built in, and causes Autoplants and Drone Hives to produce +2 happiness. Overall, not the most great wonder, the stats sheet has it ranked a 2. It’s something at least?

43: Quad City Conundrum

The feud had been going on for years: Otchali writing to the State Settlement Council, the State Settlement Council returning her emails without actually responding to the contents, Otchali writing more emails to the State Settlement Council, the State Settlement Council saying something about “3 tiles” and that there wasn’t anything they can do, Otchali creating a draft describing the unused space and how her group would build up a town there, the State Settlement Council saying they will look into it and not getting back to her.

It was a very tiring affair, the stress taking a toll on Otchali’s health. But she stayed passionate about it, her settler organization setting up a technically illegal settlement in the empty space right in the middle of the quad cities of Luanda, Cabinda, Ambriz, and Lubango, on the grassland and jungle that only had a small trading post there. Otchali had been speaking out about the Angolan state’s egregious lack of space usage and how they fail to give people the necessary homes to live in while letting so much land go empty. Some say it’s for environmental reasons, others dispute that and say it’s for official’s private lands. Either way, the lands run empty and people need homes, and some are willing to fight for that.

Anyways Angola’s lands are missing a whole lot of military, and also is somehow missing improvements on many tiles. C’mon Savimbi.

44: A Cree City

WHOA THE CREE DOUBLE THEIR CITY COUNT IN 5 TURNS! INSANE!

The Cree do in fact resettle their destroyed settlement in Alaska by settling a very Cree city. If you can’t tell, it's very Cree.

Mohave still hasn’t joined the war.

45: Antarctic Rise Up!

We got right here the most important war declaration of the episode! Isabella, after receiving a large amount of hate-mail from one Idriss Deby who really disliked how she had survived in the snow, decides enough is enough and declares war on Chad. Now, it’s really just a formal declaration, Isabella can’t do shit from where she is, but she’s banking on the international community to side with her. Though whether the other civs will see her plea as a just fight against a bully or the mad ramblings of the ice queen, who’s to say.

46: Others Weigh In

The international community hears Isabella’s pleas and two civs join in: The Muisca and Uganda. Neither of which is a major player by any means, but it’s the winds of change, and they seem to be blowing favorably for Isabella.

47: Libyan Lounging

So it’s been going on a bit in the background but there hasn’t actually been many updates. You may have noticed that there was a 9 turn jump between A Cree City and Antarctic Rise Up!, and back on this front not much has changed. The Normans have been able to build up more of a navy/army now that Yugoslavia is out of the war, and have been able to secure their coastal holdings while flipping Taranto and Catania. In addition Han units are beginning to spread across the Norman lands, keeping Benevento safe but also limiting the Normans’ ability to move their troops.

48: The Futuuuuuure

Uganda’s Idi Amin has a great announcement to make! After much development, they have finally reached the Modern Era, taking on this brave new technological frontier. Ignore that everyone else is so much further ahead (Uganda is literally 10+ techs behind second last. At the end of the last episode Indonesia was second at 72 techs, a full 11 ahead of Uganda’s 61. Lithuania was third with 76, so that’s 15 techs ahead. Seriously Uganda is so far behind especially for a civ that hasn’t really been attacked much at all.)

49: A Toast To Capitalism!

Along with the announcement of entering the Modern Era, Idi Amin also announces the beginnings of a new state policy: Liberalism. Claiming that the free markets and capitalist structure will do the country much good in continuing to modernize the place and giving people what they need to live productive and good lives. Something something Liberalism doesn’t work I’m too anarchist for this and don’t want to go into a full diatribe about how it won’t help such a small country that is likely heavily based on imports and a colonized structure from Angola and Yemen’s imperialism. Idi Amin thinks it’ll work and really that’s all that matters.

50: Woo Jungles Yaaay

I don’t really know what is meant to be shown here and I can’t think of a fun lore thing to write immediately so I’ll just say that Kayapo looks like they have a more filled in land but it’s really just more civilian units and not actual army units.

51: Debt So High It Blacks Out The Sky

Ah there it is a very very nice view of Han’s empire and their utterly terrifying army. So many drones… Every tile filled to the brim with Drone UAVs and some tanks. Every new unit just being pushed out to other civs’ lands. This is the extreme might of the morally, and very much financially, bankrupt. They are literally just killing their scientific advancement with this. But hey, go off I guess.

52: Uralic Hordes

So this is quite interesting… Tuva, like Han, has an immense carpet that is filled with Drone UAVs. At the end of last episode (and it’s been about 50 turns since then wew), Tuva had 483k military strength (compared to Han’s 1,161k) and 42 cities (compared to Han’s 26), so more land and less army at the start, they also were -1.5k gpt in the hole and at 0 treasury, dropping their science down to 1.2k (Han is already stuck at 0 as has been mentioned previously). What I mean all this to say, I don’t know how big Tuva’s army right now is, but it very well may be a whole lot bigger than Han’s due to the greater land area of Tuva, and this is probably putting them at 0 science like Han as well.

Opposite the Tuvan horde of drones is Turkey, who has basically no army, but also they are 27 techs ahead (85 vs 112, though the max is 122) and have nearly 3x the production (9.1k vs 3.5k). Though that of course is 50 turns out of date… Either way, if these two come to fists it’ll be a complete bloodbath no matter what.

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54: Performative Performances

It seems Nemequene’s war declaration really was just a performative action as he quickly makes peace. Though quick is a misleading statement, it’s been only 8 slides but it’s been 24 turns. For now, the Chadians still stand strong, much to the despair of the snow kingdom.

55: The Ultimate Tower Builder

Ataturk builds the Ultima Tower in Istanbul, granting +10 happiness, +2 Great Engineer points, and +2 citizens in every city. A pretty good wonder all around, very nice to get that population buff.

Also yes this is an attempt at a Danganronpa reference I haven’t played the games I don’t know how to make it better.

56: A Town So Far Away

On the same turn Ataturk builds the Buenos Aires Forum in Nimrud, why he decided to name it after a RDLP city across the cylinder instead of after the city it was built in or another Turkish city. Maybe Ataturk wanted to honor the victims in the Incan-Kayapo war, or maybe the Kayapo-RDLP war. Who knows. Anyways, the Buenos Aires Forum grants +2 Great Scientist points, increases Golden Age length by 50% (and triggers one), and grants Golden Age points equal to the number of citizens in the city it was built each turn.

Also um… so I’m using the stat sheet to check what the wonders do and it says Turkey already built the Buenos Aires Forum in Ankara back on turn 620? Did they somehow manage to build both?

Okay so I went back to check the previous episode, it seems Turkey built the Citadel Station on turn 620, not the Buenos Aires Forum. Also, the previous narrator (this is a callout post for Emerald he pissed on my fucking wife) said it was “Not totally groundbreaking, just kinda neat”, while the stat sheet has it rated as a 9/10, granting +2 science and gold from Scientist Specialists and +2 production and gold from Engineer Specialists, which is yeah, pretty good.

57: Merushath Have Mercy On These Souls

Well I don’t like this, but let’s look at the situation. The Muisca are well behind Kayapo in techs and Kayapo does have quite the army around, but two things: Mali beat Kayapo while they had a similar tech disparity and Kayapo is missing a whole lot of planes. They have 10 up in Tiwanaku (and the previous pic of Kayapo that showed more didn’t show any more to the south) but the Muisca has 28 directly on the front, so if they can whittle down these initial troops while continuing to build their own army/navy they will probably be okay. If another civ joins in against Kayapo then it’d basically be game set match. Please do well Muisca…

59: Luena Lunge

Catania flips back to Angola but the Normans manage to sneak into Luena. The previous minimaps show they held Taranto for a bit then got pushed back to Palermo before retaking Palermo and pushing to Luena.

The Han wave spreads…

60: Taste Of Death

Alright so for actual discussion on the Kayapo Muisca war. It has sadly not gone in the way I wanted, Kayapo has taken Bau and Iraca and has a strong force pushing towards Duitama. The Muisca looks like they focused all their energy on bombing Gorotire and Kokraimoro instead of thinning out the enemy army. Also the Kayapo have a whole bunch of nexuses, which are very strong and are just wiping the outdated Muisca units.

Mohave still hasn’t joined the war?

61: Defense By Someone Else

Guiscard has mastered the greatest defensive strategy one can have: Getting a third civ to do it for him. The Normans really are having an easier time with their counter attacks when the moment they take a city it starts to get surrounded by Han peacekeepers. Angola is just really getting stuck here and they are struggling to make advances while the Normans are getting a lot more time to rebuild troops.

62: A Fallen Drop Among The Stars

[News report from the Kayapo Celestial News Network, shown 10 minutes after Kremoro was nuked] This is Kabenti Xikrin with KCNN and we have an extremely breaking report today. Video appeared 10 minutes ago of Kremoro being nuked by the unholy wicked Muisca.

[Clip plays of shaky recorded video of the bright flash and following mushroom cloud over the Kayapo capital] Given the positioning of the nuclear strike in the northeast district, early estimates are putting the physical death count at anywhere from 20 million to 45 million. Based on the digital district outages at least 5 digital-self servers have been destroyed or put offline by the bomb, killing a further 20 to 50 million. His highness Metuktire’s status has yet to be confirmed though it is believed that he was in the southwest district at the time, far enough away from the blast to be safe, bless his soul.

[Clip plays of the captures of Bau and Iraca, the soldiers shown being backed by the stars of the celestial realm] This is clearly a horrific act of terror meant to try and kill our faultless leader and murder millions of innocent men, women, and children, and as revenge for the liberation of Bau and Iraca, cities that have long had oppressed their Kayapo citizens. We will stand strong against this evil, and the Muiscan perpetrators will be held accountable to the fullest extent possible.

63: For Whom The Bell Tolls

The metal sensation Metallica has volunteered in the war, joining the front lines after having achieved idol status a few years prior. They bring their music to the frontline at Duitama and invigorate the nexuses and mechs involved in the attack. Their metal beats pumping everyone up and really making everyone even more into the war.

Also I think Bau flipped though it wasn’t on the minimap but they lost 7 pop so I presume so, though they could’ve been nuked. And a lot of units have been cleared out with the nukes and bombing, especially all the civilian units, maybe that news report had a hint of truth to it… Still propaganda though

64: Time-out

Just before the city of Duitama falls, peace comes out on top. Perhaps the nuking of Kremoro, Gorotire, and Kokraimoro forced Kayapo’s hand. Either way, this is a weird stop for Kayapo, they have such an upper hand and they were only able to get away with two cities, like, they could’ve gotten so much more. But this is just further proof of how much Kayapo sucks at war despite what some would say. They have a massive tech lead, huge production lead, a solid enough build up of units, and an enemy without much of an army, and they still only took two cities. Waiting for them to be rolled over and destroyed.

65: Norman Knockback

The Normans make their greatest push so far, retaking Taranto and Catania and preparing the lands for Han units. Luena has somehow stayed quite safe and Benevento is completely healed up. Now, Angola does still have the units around Taranto and Catania to retake it, the Han units aren’t taking up that space quite yet, but will they be able to take and keep the cities? Honestly it’s feeling less and less likely. When this episode started I thought the Normans were on their way to being completely knocked out but now they’re knocking back and are probably going to hold the line from the start of the episode (or at least, close enough, end of last episode they had down to Split, but start of this episode showed Angola already owning Split and Luena while taking Taranto and Catania).

66: A City in the Clouds

In response to the nuking of the Kayapo cities, Raoni has commissioned the Sky City, a safe haven in the skies where any potential nuclear threat can be spotted and stopped before it gets near. A city so high it stands above where the nuclear missiles fly. The city of the heavens. The city of the stars.

The Sky City grants +2 Great Engineer points, a free Vertical Farm in the city it’s built in, and Vertical Farms give an extra +4 food, +4 gold, and +2 happiness. A pretty meh wonder.

67: Arctic Attack!

Pretty Nose once more shows herself to be the active civ of North America, this time declaring war on Greenland. Now there is a small issue here, mainly the American cities in the way, but Arapaho should have enough power, tech, and other shit to handily win, though whether they get any cities out of the war is another question. Maybe this can be good content for next week’s comic (or well the comic for this episode, so I guess “this week” when you’re all reading this, but saying “this week’s comic” sounds weird when I still haven’t done this week’s comic and it’s like 9pm this Monday night).

68: Floating Islands (As Opposed to Sinking Islands)

Turkey is really pushing out wonders as they nab the Floating Islands in the coastal city of Bursa. The Floating Islands grant +3 Great Scientist points, +3 culture and +3 gold to nearby ocean tiles, and causes atolls to produce an additional +2 culture, +2 gold, +1 food, and +1 production.

69: Non-Hab Habitats

Julianehab quickly falls to the large Arapaho navy that was sitting right outside the city, and there was no way for Greenland to defend it since America took citadeled all the land provinces. However, now there’s just a two tiles gap through the north to get through to the Greenland core and it’s currently being blocked by two Brandenburg ships. Also, Greenland is sending paratroopers into Arapaho lands in a very futile effort to try and not get utterly wrecked.

70: Snaking Borders

We move a bit south to see the other issue with this war declaration, that being that Montepelier is cut off from the rest of Arapaho’s land. So Greenland, despite having a much weaker and less advanced army, is able to push right up and start knocking heavily on those city walls. Let’s see if they’ll be able to actually take the city. Though I will say: Montpellier for Julianehab is a really good trade for Hans.

71: Gundamn

On this episode of Mobile Suit Gundam: Witch From Africa, the huge number of Angolan mechs have broken through the line at Luena and Catania, forcing out the Normans and their Han peacekeeping allies. The Han peacekeepers (and Norman subs) are having the unintended consequence of preventing the Normans from being able to properly retake cities. But the fight isn’t over yet. Angolan mechs move towards Taranto, seeing if they can make their way through the drone fleet, but even more than that, will our heroines be able to cross the Sahara and meet each other in the midst of war? Find out next time…

72: Tutus On The Nile

Apparently Chad and Tuva were at war, and a lone Tuvan drone UAV sits just east of Fada as remembrance of the “fight”. One painter, Edgar Degas, decides to take the inspiration of the peace and start painting people’s lives newly free of war (ignoring that Tuva did not actually pose a threat nor sent units in any real capacity). His paintings attract many for his innovative style.

OTL Edgar Degas was a French impressionist painter most known for his paintings of dancers, especially those ones with all the girls in tutus. Also apparently he was quite anti-semitic, especially after the Dreyfus Affair, like c’mon dude why you gotta be such a dick to Jewish people. One friend even said this about him: “What a creature he was, that Degas! All his friends had to leave him; I was one of the last to go, but even I couldn't stay till the end.” Like bruh, feels like an old version of Graham Lineham, getting so absorbed in bigotry that everyone leaves him to live out the rest of his sad little pathetic life in loneliness.

73: We’re Just Passing Through

I stand corrected, the Brandenburg ships just moved out of the way and let Arapaho waltz right in to take the capital of Godthab. Montpelier still hasn’t been taken either so oh boy this feels like Greenland is about to very quickly learn what “superior firepower” really means.

74: Oh Vey!

Hans Egede flees the capital to the safest location he can get to: Oviedo. Far removed from the Arapaho invasion, he has plenty of protection in a small, but packed, navy and a large army in foreign soil. Now I wonder what’ll happen if the Anglo-Dutch join in and all those units get kicked out…

75: I See Skies Of Blue, Brown Roses Too

I laugh at how devoid of Brandenburger units Brandenburg is (and yes, Brandenburger is apparently the adjective somehow), instead letting the lands be filled with a mix of Tuvan drone spam and Greenlandic paratroopers. All these Greenlandic units out here in Scandinavia (and in the Anglo-Dutch Isles) definitely aren’t going to be much help against Arapaho though. Maybe they can get away with something like a surprise suicide attack against Brandenburg with Tuva’s help.

76: Gok

Bumin Qaghan sits at his desk in Kengu Tarman and does… nothing. He does nothing. He is just sitting around doing nothing. Could attack Cree. Or could just continue sitting at his desk. It’s a nice desk. Made of nice Siberian Larch. It’s quite pretty this desk. Very nice. What were we talking about again?

77: African Mechs 2 Electric Boogaloo

You knew I wouldn’t get all the way to the end of an episode without making the electric boogaloo joke, and no we are not acknowledging the fact that I didn’t have a slide title named “African Mechs” to have this be a sequel to. Anyways, as we can see from the top right it seems Angola has managed to retake Taranto and still holds Catania, while Norman units sit around between Taranto and Luena.

Nearby, Mali sits with a nice carpet and some very nice Angolan cities with very few defense forces that would be just lovely to yoink. Will they do it? Probably not, Mali’s been a disappointing wreck this entire royale. Only time I’ve thought they were cool was when Kayapo attacked them and they took Recife.

78: Timor-Weste

We get a quick shot over at the African colonies of Timor-Leste, with about the same number of troops around as the entire southern portion of Angola. Still gotta wait and see if anything will happen here.

Among the southern lands more activists have sprouted up following Otchali’s movement 30 years prior. Claiming the private empty land of the south for their own in order to expand the housing space of the less fortunate. The Angolan government continues to refuse their petitions and not acknowledge their settlements. It’s become a network of small, poor towns pushing back against the state and facing shockingly little resistance, but unable to achieve their goals because the only response the state gives is an ardent refusal to acknowledge what is going on.

79: Check Out Time

We get a nice shot of Incan Patagonia where most of the cities have had some nice growth happen in the years since the great war. Also, Incan Power Armor Infantry, I think the first one spotted, so props to them for getting them before either Kayapo or Turkey. I have no idea how the stats compare between stuff like them, the nexuses, or other units, so let’s just hope they are pretty good and give them a nice thumbs up good job Tupac.

80: The Barren Lands Of War

We end this episode on a shot of the former battleground of the Kayapo-Muisca war, Kayapo returning to being devoid of units.

Well it’s been a pleasure to narrate this episode for my second narration of CBRX3, I hope you all enjoyed my stream of conscious and weird rambling. It’s been a long episode, 89 turns, we’ve seen carpets grow and wars fought but not actually that much action tbh. Only one civ died despite the length, and really only a few civs got any focus. So I hope I was able to make this enjoyable. I don’t know if I was able to write as many lore bits as I wanted to, but oh well, it is what it is. Anyways, don’t trust the words of this mad girl and you’re all really gay, I don’t make the rules. Happy Pride all!

Mohave still hasn’t joined the war.

Episode 35: The Barren and the Overflowed – S3

Abstract

1: Oh Nyo The Catgirl Is Back!

2: Nathanmappe

3: SELF PROMOTION TIME WOO

4: Shoutout to… the Gays!

5: Shoutout to… the Gay!

6: Time for the Action!

7: The Security of Salerno

08: Pretty Nose Pretty Foes

09: Timor-Weste

10: Fall Out Boy and Girl

11: A Yuge Peace

12: One Turn Later

13: Italian Pun

14: And All That’s Left Is The Workers

15: Mech Battles

16: Mohave Still Hasn’t Joined The War

17: The Taranto Takeback

18: The Defenders of the Massagetae

19: Wabasca Wanting

20: Waking Up to Ash and Dust

21: Too Many Drones

22: Benavyno

23: Bombing Battle-Mechs

24: Sometimes, my brothers, the best way, the only way to win... is by losing

25: Astonishing Air Power

26: Nuclear Annihilation

27: Emerald Isles

28: Too Many Drones Two

29: All Quiet on the Western Seas

30: Jungle Jumble

31: Dividiranian

32: Bombed Berbers

33: The Green of the Jungle

34: Mani-Ultimatum

35: The Celestial Empire

36: No More Governments!

37: The Green Desert?

38: Incan Orchestras

39: Alaskan Falls

40: Bengal Beats

41: A Dazzling Disappearing Act

42: Shimizmir Mega City Pyramid

43: Quad City Conundrum

44: A Cree City

45: Antarctic Rise Up!

46: Others Weigh In

47: Libyan Lounging

48: The Futuuuuuure

49: A Toast To Capitalism!

50: Woo Jungles Yaaay

51: Debt So High It Blacks Out The Sky

52: Uralic Hordes

54: Performative Performances

55: The Ultimate Tower Builder

56: A Town So Far Away

57: Merushath Have Mercy On These Souls

58: :(

59: Luena Lunge

60: Taste Of Death

61: Defense By Someone Else

62: A Fallen Drop Among The Stars

63: For Whom The Bell Tolls

64: Time-out

65: Norman Knockback

66: A City in the Clouds

67: Arctic Attack!

68: Floating Islands (As Opposed to Sinking Islands)

69: Non-Hab Habitats

70: Snaking Borders

71: Gundamn

72: Tutus On The Nile

73: We’re Just Passing Through

74: Oh Vey!

75: I See Skies Of Blue, Brown Roses Too

76: Gok

77: African Mechs 2 Electric Boogaloo

78: Timor-Weste

79: Check Out Time