Episode 36: A Song of Dice and Fire

1: I read on Kotaku it’s better than Civ 5 with the Brave New World Expansion Pack

Hello there! My name is ExplosiveWatermelon, I’m your narrator for today’s episode. I’ve narrated before, but I hope that this episode today is extra special. Cheers!

2: Popularity Poll

At the time of writing this, a popularity poll on the subreddit shows Timor-Leste uncontested. I’m personally very happy with these results. Other notables include Inca at 2nd place(!) and Turkey in 3rd.

3: Vihreaa Map

I’ve decided to reserve this slide for Vihreaa’s map, not only because it’s some of the most consistent quality content on the sub, but also because we’ve been playing Pokemon together. Lots of folks on the CBR discord love to play, and I know some of the modders who’ve made some of our favorite civs do as well.

4: Contributions

Thanks to all the fans who support the series and keep it going. Hopefully we’ll see everyone around for Season 4.

5: Mohavin’ a good time

Since the previous narrator showed off Kokang, I’ve decided to return the favor by showing off Mohave, which I know is her personal preference. They have still not joined the war.

6: Dungeons and Despots

“Alright, does anyone want to recap?”

Nebuchadnezzar speaks to the table. Agent S, or Semiramis raises her hands to speak.

“Well, last we left off,” She spoke with enthusiasm, “The game has progressed further into its final stages. Clear front-runners have emerged, rumps like Indonesia have been eradicated… We’re approaching the Total War protocol.”Excellent, Nebby thought. He continued to chew on popcorn while observing. “Very well, let’s continue. I want everyone to roll initiative.”

Agent Semiramis was quick on the roll as well, and the dice rewarded her in turn.

“You always go first!,” Agent Aten remarked angrily.

—--

Hans Egede loses his grip over his recent capture of Montpelier, as the war shifts from an even battle to one in Arapaho favor. Greenland has put up a plucky resistance so far- stronger than one might expect. However, Godthab and Frederidshab seem to be on the chopping block.

7: Normans go green

Angola continues their impressive march through former Norman Africa. Palermo is in the black, and on the far edge of the screen you can see Capua taking damage as well. If Angola can use this momentum to push into Europe, it could serve them well during total war.

08: Indian Sub-Continent Woes

Afghanistan and Bengal are both fairly impressive empires, but unfortunately? This late in the game, ‘fairly impressive’ doesn’t cut it. Turkey’s to the West, Tuva’s to the North, and even Kokang can pose a threat to Bengal at this point. However, if a war emerged between these two, one or the other could emerge as a minor power.

09: RNGesus

Agent Kwahadi, recruited during the Comanche exile to the submarine, started to speak up.“I would like to persuade Brandenburg into starting a coalition with me against Bengal,” he said with confidence.

“Roll persuasion,” Nebuchadnezzar responded.Nat 1.

“Shit.” Agent Kwahadi swore, his shoulders slinking down.

Nat 1s, the lowest roll on a standard 20-sided die, are the death of many rulers. Whether it be a poor stealth roll, a horrendous death save, or just a bad dex save. In this case? Rolling poorly on persuasion.

—--

Brandenburg declares war on Afghanistan in response to poor diplomatic attempts, although how far it goes remains to be seen.

10: The Jonas Savimbi Brothers

Palermo is in the hands of Angola, but the Normans have already reduced it to red health. The city could flip a few more times, thanks to the Norman Mediterranean Navy, but we’re starting to see their naval carpet thin. Benevento is below half health, too.

11: Greener Pastures

Greenlandic paratroopers horde around Anglo-Dutch cities. In fact, there are more Greenlandic units in this slide than there are Anglo-Dutch. That’s not a good sign for Orange Willy.

12: Everybody hates Ahmad Shah

Nebuchadnezzar clears his throat. “Not only do you fail to convince Brandenburg over to your side,” he narrates, “But Frederick-William’s declaration of war brings about other declarations. You’ve got one from the Anglo-Dutch, Greenland, and the Mohave as well.”“Oh, that doesn’t sound like too bad of an encounter,” Kwahadi smiles.“Dude, don’t say that!” Agent Aten elbows Kwahadi, as Nebuchadnezzar looks through his notes.

13: Tuva or not Tuva?

“Oh, you’re right! I forgot one: Tuva.” Nebuchadnezzar gets an evil grin on his face. He hadn’t planned for Tuva to join the war efforts, but sometimes inspiration comes in the heat of the moment.—--

Jalandhar is immediately knocked into red health as Tuva brings the full weight of the Uriankhai army. Not only does Tuva look to gain from this war, there’s potential for Mohave to snipe the city as well. Notably, the main forces at the Tuvan frontline are Drone UAV- I believe these units are upgrades of the Bazooka, so they can’t capture cities. For the sake of CBR, the units also have the ‘Hover’ trait.

14: Savimbi, get in the robot

Palermo, once again, falls to the Angolan Battlemech division. Not only that, another city is in Angolan hands- Benevento, to the east. However, it seems that Angola’s western advances have stopped for now- Capua is at full health, and reinforcements will take a few turns to arrive.

15: Jalandhard Mode

Tuva takes Jalandhar, but the city looks like it could potentially flip to Afghanistan Units. Probably once or twice, but I don’t expect this city to flip too many times- the Tuvan army is powerful, and they’ve hardly had to use it thus far.

16: Philadelphia Creedom

Ah, yes- A Cree City. That, it sure is.

Overall, there’s nothing too notable in this slide beyond the remnants of the Cree, the Arapaho Aleutian islands, and the Gokturks apparently still being alive.

17: Lichuania

Gediminas, realizing his opportunity to take Afghanistan lands is over, signs a peace treaty.

Ahmad Shah Durrani breathes an air of relief upon hearing the news.

18: Jalandhar you ready, kids?

Afghanistan retakes Jalandhar, and their resistance hasn’t been doing bad so far- but just look at the empty lands nearby. If Jalandhar falls, Tuva can take all of it.

Apparently there was fighting near Mihtarlam, but my best guess is that planes have just steadily been bombarding it for no reason.

19: Green Landings

Arapaho not only takes Egedesminde, but also takes a proper Greenlandic core city- Frederikshab. Godthab is still in the black, and Arapaho’s navy seems to have thinned, but I suspect there’s still some fight in the Violent Violet Invaders.

20: No Capua

Angolan Battlemechs march towards Capua, with a scattered but impressive force. Hopefully they can capture the city fast enough so that it can quickly flip back to the Normans.

21: Broz Moment

In an attempt to not lose to the Arapaho, Greenland hires a more competent leader- Josip Broz Tito of Yugoslavia. Unfortunately, Greenland already lost their gains, so it doesn’t seem like Tito’s normal strategy will work here.Also, between this and the last Greenland slide, Hunde Ejlande has been bombarded down to black.

22: Jalandharmada

Tuva realizes that it has an army and finally bears down with the full brutality of Donduk Kuular’s Army upon Afghanistan. That is a lot of units- I don’t think Durrani can get through this without some great Khosts.

23: There is no Godthab

“How do you want to do this?” Nebuchadnezzar asks, trying to hide his joy.

The table cheers. Semiramis stands up, “Pretty Nose will walk straight into the gates of Godthab, and plant the flag of the Arapaho into the ground hard enough that people can hear the tremors all the way from Timor-Leste.”—--

Godthab falls to the Arapaho, as Pretty Nose cements herself as the world leader in conquest. Greenland isn’t quite dead YET, but odds are not in their favor.

24: Rock ‘em, Sock ‘em, Robots

Palermo continues to flip in the background. The city is at one health. They’re practically fighting over a broken down outhouse at this point.

That said, Capua is in the black, and I expect it to fall shortly.

25: The One Peace is real!

The Arapaho take Hunde Ejlande and Sukkertoppen from Greenland in a peace deal. It’s very disadvantageous for Hans Egede, but I guess it keeps him alive a little bit longer.

26: Trolly Tralee Trades

In addition, Arapaho gains their first European colony with Tralee! Hey, at least the Greenlandic folks still have the Anglo-Dutch territory to haunt.

27: Here one moment, Ghan the next

Sheberghan starts taking damage as the Tuvan invasion pushes further into Afghan territory. Durrani has managed to bring together a small resistance force, but Donduk Kuular can throw however many units he wants into Afghanistan. By Allah, this can’t be happening.

28: Normangola, Part 1

The Normans and Angola finally reach a peace deal! Lost in the trade are the cities of Reggio, Tripoli…

29: Normangola, Part 2

Capua, Sale, and Bari. This is a tremendous downfall of what was once one of the most powerful empires in the Mediterranean- and honestly, while it’s sad to see them in this state, I have to say:You did good, Guiscard.

30: Chicken Tenders

On the other hand, Uganda is trash. This was one of the most disappointing performances I’ve ever seen since I went to my cousin’s talent show. Not only is it bland, it’s rather derivative- a rump doing nothing and staying alive until the top half just to say “hey, at least I didn’t die fast” is honestly worse than a civilization that burns bright and burns out fast. There’s no charm to it. I expect better, Idi Amin.

31: Eye of Vecnius

Bumin Qaghan, sitting in his folding chair and sipping a gin and tonic, gets a letter thrown in his face by his disappointed advisor. It seems that Lithuania has declared war upon him.“... and?”

32: Khostbusters

Sheberghan falls to Tuva as Khost begins taking significant damage, and the Tuvan Tank Brigades are quickly moving in to take the city. Not only is this a bad war for Afghanistan, this could effectively weaken them if Bengal wants to join in.

Also, for those wondering what those fancy tanks are called- they’re Railguns. Dope stuff.

33: Running on Empty

Savimbi’s core is entirely depleted due to their war efforts against the Normans. Honestly, for how impressive their war efforts were, it’s quite clear it came at a huge cost. That said, their biggest threat in Africa is Timor-Leste at the moment, perhaps Mali. While many lives were lost, I don’t think this is as bad for Savimbi as it seems.

34: He’s Back

Pretty Nose, enjoying a vacation at her summer home in Penateka, is suddenly approached by a mysterious man in a leather jacket with a Brandenburgian accent.“Come with me,” he says, “If you want to live.”

35: Kok-Fighting

Kokang declares war on Uganda, giving us the perfect opportunity to review my own civ. It looks like there’s still some Poppy Fields hanging around. They don’t do much because there’s no City-States in this game, unfortunately, but there’s some aspects of Kokang that have come up- notably, the UA. Because of their UA, any time a trade deal with them ends, every city belonging to their trade partner goes into Anarchy. This can effectively stunt a civ’s production enough for Kokang to swoop in and take them over. However, it won’t work against someone like Han who has already built their army.

36: Mission Accomplished

The “Fuck Uganda” Coalition has finally triumphed as Jonas Savimbi realizes that Uganda is actually still alive, and then declares war. Hopefully this’ll be over fast.

37: Afghanistan is Not Yet Lost

Jozef Wybicki, OTL the composer of the Polish national anthem, composes an inspiring Mazurek to the Afghan resistance. Morale increases, to the point that a brave railgun pilot drives their tank into Sheberghan and seizes the city, granting a solid opening for Afghanistan reinforcements. This… is honestly looking a lot better for Afghanistan, now. However, I will note that the composition of Tuva’s army has changed drastically, but the overall carpet has not diminished.

38: Nor Man’s Land

“My name is Robert Guiscard, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”

The Norman empire has now been reduced to three cities- none of which are originally Norman. One is formerly Anglo-Dutch, another is the previous capital of Castile, and then there’s Titograd- obviously belonging to Yugoslavia. Still, it’s a fitting legacy for Guiscard, that all that remains of his empire are the places he’s conquered. Poetic.

39: Idi Aw Man

“Agent Aten,” Nebuchadnezzar says, “As your Angolan Battlemechs march towards Kampala, the craven Ugandan forces surrender- how do you want to do this?”Aten gets a wide smile on his face, “I spare no one.”“Typical,” Semiramis says.

“Sorry, Aten, rules as written- you can’t burn down another civilization’s capital.” Nebuchadnezzar takes a drink of the wine at his side, hoping to negate the pain of having to deal with the murderhobo of his party.

—--

Kampala is swiftly captured by Angola’s battlemechs, and it seems like there is very little hope for Uganda to get out of this war- nay, massacre- with all of their lands intact. My thoughts? Good. Very good, indeed.

40: March, March, Durrani!

“NAT 20!!!” Kwahadi piped up with joy. A Nat 20 is an automatic success for most Game Masters- it’s the highest number that can be rolled on a standard 20-sided die.“What!? But Afghanistan was getting obliterated!” Agent Aten complains, “Why is he even allowed to play? He was hardly even a part of this game!”“Kwahadi brought snacks,” Nebuchadnezzar replies, “You know I can’t say no to his cookies.”

“Sounds like bribery,” Aten scoffs.

—--

Afghanistan, with their impressive recapture of Sheberghan, manages to push the war BACK to Jalandhar- and they’ve got plenty of reinforcements to spare. While I don’t think they can stand to push, this is definitely an impressive display- I honestly didn’t think it was possible for them to push back to Jalandhar.

41: Google ‘Operation Paperclip’

Angolan Engineer Wernher von Braun, seeing that Angolan soldiers are already battering down the walls of Entebbe, leads Ugandan refugees into a shuttle of his own design. Suddenly, a man dressed in military garb approaches. “Let me in.”“Idi Amin, or should I say Idiot Amin,” Wernher responds, “You’ve dug more graves than your fat ass can fill. I hope you rot in an Angolan prison cell.” Wernher says, as he locks the door behind him.

The shuttle launches clear into the night sky, as a despondent Idi Amin watches his people’s only success. Whether their colonization of the moon is successful or not, only time can tell. Still, for a fleeting moment, he was proud of what they had done- in spite of his own failures.

42: Butchering the Butcher

“Aten, as Savimbi’s forces approach Idi Amin, staring wistfully at the night sky- you are given one opportunity to speak to your former foe. What do you want to say?”Aten thinks about it for a moment. Aten wasn’t a very nice guy- in fact, that’s kind of why he was in the submarine in the first place.

“I think,” Aten says, “I finally understand him.”“What?” Semiramis looked at him, confused.“Idi Amin wasn’t trying to win. Rather, what he wanted was to hole up and hold on to whatever power he had left. He knew, if he had started marching on towards the other power, that he would have to continue a life of bloodshed that he did in the original timeline. In this, it’s just a game- but to him, it was an escape. That, I feel, is something we can all relate to. Hell, we use this game to escape who we once were on the cylinder.”Aten smiles, half-heartedly, “I hope he dies peacefully, as I jab my rapier straight through his heart.”

Semiramis, perhaps the most hateful of Aten, remained silent.

—--

Thus, Uganda is dead in 27th place. They were unimpressive, but perhaps, that was a good thing- after all, we probably don’t want Idi Amin to win. Still, they could’ve been a little more fun.

43: I’ve won, but at what Khost?

Thanks to a mildly successful persuasion roll, Afghanistan is able to peace out with only Jalandhar as a sacrifice. Overall, I’d say that’s a smart move- I don’t think they’d be able to keep it if they prolonged the war, and if anything I don’t think they’d want to be weak in case Bengal or Turkey decides to invade.

44: Norman MacDonald

Robert Guiscard decides his glory days aren’t over, as he declares a triple alliance with Kokang and Afghanistan against the biggest threat the planet has seen thus far-

Lithuania.

Marrakech has already started taking damage, although the terrain is a big hindrance to Guiscard’s hopes.

45: Welcome to Good Burgos, Home of the Good Burgos!

Norman ALSO allies with the Gokturks, who are just happy to be included, against Castille! Because of worries due to nuclear annihilation, the weekly TTRPG session has been canceled.

46: International Norman of Mystery

Marrakech falls to yellow health in only 4 turns. I take back what I said, the Normans have got this!

47: House of Guiscards

With the fall of Marrakech, there is a resonant silence amongst the leaders of the world. Lithuania has been defeated in 26th place.

—--

“Wait, Lithuania?” Semiramis asked, “But they were doing so well at the start!”“Yes, and so were you.” Aten reminded her, “But all it took was one good war to knock them down- and the opportunity arose for Turkey to devastate their forces. I don’t think they played bad, it’s just that someone else played better- and that’s not a bad thing at all.”Kwahadi nods, and continues “I definitely agree leaving an impact, if even for a short time, is more important than overall success. Also, do you think Gediminas would be willing to join us for our game? I think he’d be a great support.”“I tried inviting Isabella,” Nebuchadnezzar piped in, “But she said that role-playing games are satanic.”The whole table groaned.

48: The Meek shall inherit the Earth

OTL, Joe Meek was a record producer who found great success for a short time, before he eventually fell into a depression and killed two people. Shit’s fucked.

Here, he attempts to produce a secondary hit as inspiring Wybicki’s in order to improve Afghanistan’s odds should they find themselves facing another invasion. Afghanistan has a greatly depleted army, although a fairly impressive navy towards the south. Hopefully, they can think of something quick to get out of this rut.

49: … But not its mineral rights

Nick Drake, continuing our trend of Afghanistan’s musicians being shown off, was an English singer-songwriter who mostly found posthumous success. Honestly, reading his wiki is depressing- hopefully he finds greater success in Afghanistan.

50: Antarctic Inspiration

“Honestly?” Nebuchadnezzar smiles, “You guys have been doing well lately. Everyone gets a point of inspiration for today.”The table cheers!“Don’t thank me too early- you’re going to need it.”

The table silently panics.

51: Forgotten Palace

Honestly, I thought this wonder was built earlier. It gives World Congress delegates- which aren’t relevant- and more importantly grants a decrease to unhappiness from population in all non-occupied cities.

Hey, as long as there’s no war soon, I’m sure everything will be alright.

52: War were declared

“Well, everyone,” Nebuchadnezzar addresses the group, “This is the moment you’ve been waiting for. Thanks for playing with me.”

There was a proud, if sad, silence over the room. No more games.Total war has been declared.

—--

From this point on, the rest of this episode is composed of reviewing the map at the start of total war. As such, my narration is going to be fairly limited in scope as nothing new really happens. For now, enjoy this picture of Timorese colonies in South Africa.

53: Madagascar

In the African island of Madagascar, we have two different civilizations occupying the landmass: Yemen, and Angola

When I was recording CGR, Yemen was actually the front-runner by the time I ended the series. I’m glad they got a chance to perform in CBRX, considering the impact they’ve left on me. That said, their performance has been rather toned down- aside from them starting the “Furthermore, Kilwa must be destroyed” coalition that brought the downfall of the Kilwa. Honestly, I feel a lot of their dynamics have centered around Kilwa.

54: Horn of Africa

In the Horn of Africa, we see the sad, pathetic remnants of what was once Ugandan territory. They died this episode, and it feels like nothing was lost. That said, we’re very fortunate to have Angola.

Angola is weirdly unpopular, and I’m not too sure why. My best guess is because Africa was weirdly slow this season, that their victories seem relatively unimpressive compared to someone like the Boers. That said, they’ve definitely stood out as a major competitor, and their conquest of Norman Africa stands out as one of the better executed invasions this season.

55: West Africa

Mali, and their very impressive carpet, stands to gain a lot from Total War. Mainly because Angola’s core is empty. That being said, what we’ve seen from them this game has been rather lackluster- having spent a lot of the early game failing to capture Tetouan. They did end up beating the Kayapo in a war, thus gaining a South American colony, but it remains to be seen if they have the momentum to make a comeback.

56: The Nile

Chad is one of those civs that seems impressive on paper, but never really did anything. They were a strong meme vote, and had an impressive early game, but never made use of any of the advantages they’ve gained. Now, they’re effectively toast.

57: Iberian Peninsula

The Normans, or at least what remains of them. What can you say about a civ like them? They’ve been everywhere, done everything, and now stand at death’s doorstep, with their last hurrah being the elimination of Lithuania earlier this episode. Still, they were one of my early favorites, and for good reason. There’s no chance of these guys winning, but hey- it was fun while it lasted, and that’s better than most.

Reminder that Castille is technically still alive.

58: France

Greenland, whose capital now remains in Oviedo, did better than expected of a civ starting in one of the hardest TSLs. That said, surpassing a low bar doesn’t say much. They were expansive, fairly militaristic, and even a strong thorn in Michael Collins’ side. The Arapaho, however, wiped Greenland all the way back to Europe. Hans Egede could potentially make a comeback by taking some Anglo-Dutch cities, though- if only temporarily.

59: British Isles

The Anglo-Dutch are one of the oddest performances in CBR history, I feel. They’ve never been that good, but they’ve somehow climbed to the top half through some impressive maneuvers- despite never being in the top 50%. Their conquest of Ireland was strong, they ended up founding Protestantism, and now… They’re a landing ground for Greenlandic paratroopers. God only knows what William III is planning.

60: Finland

Brandenburg, Brandenburg, Brandenburg… I’m not personally a fan. They’ve been constantly good, but never exceptional. They humiliated themselves in war against Yugoslavia, yet somehow came on top due to a tricky peace deal. That said, they’ve never been anything BUT good, so perhaps I just find a disdain for them because they were never anything dynamic? In any case, there’s plenty of reasons to root for or against them.

61: Central Europe

Central Europe shows off this complicated border between Brandenburg and Turkey, with armies empty on both fronts. If anything, Brandenburg looks to have the advantage.

62: Italian Peninsula

Yugoslavia has impressed, if only for their tenacity. They’re not strong, and in fact they’ve usually been weaker than Brandenburg. Their disastrous peace treaty with Brandenburg seemed to be a decisive blow against them, but they managed to beat back the Normans. Their core mainly in Italy and Dalmatia, it remains to be seen if they can showcase one last feat.

63: Anatolia

Turkey is Turkey- known for being dominant. Their conquest of the Permians and Lithuania were both displays of incredible military might, and their widespread empire has had a history of considerable performance. If anything, I’m struggling to think of what to say about them because they’re so impressive it’s hard to think of a fault with them. Good going, Ataturk.

64: Arabian Peninsula

The Arabian peninsula- home to what is technically Yemen’s core. That said, they only really settled a few coastal cities here- the rest was taken up by Turkey and Afghanistan, as you can see. Still, Yemen has an impressive carpet of Battlemechs and… Great Engineers.

65: Afghanistan

If there are any Afghani Stans out there left after their considerable decline, then this slide goes out to you. They were a considerable early and mid-game power who had the unfortunate happenstance of bordering two major powers. Tuva already took them down a peg this episode, but they’ve still got a considerable amount of spunk left in them. Honestly… that sounds kind of gross.

66: Central Asia

Where once the Massagetae roamed these deserts now lie the Turkish and Tuvan empires, fated to have a historic clash. To be honest, things are majorly favoring Tuva right now, but we’ve seen in this very same episode that Tuva is not indomitable. Maybe Turkey can fend off the Tuvan carpet long enough to rebuild their armies?

67: Western Siberia

The former perm lands of Western Siberia! Again, a major front for Tuva and Turkey. Tuva, obviously, has topped the power rankings before, and never really fell from grace after that. However, they rested on their laurels a considerable amount, and their last-minute attempts to make gains against Afghanistan only yielded one city. Time will only tell if they can once again become the undisputed ruler of the Power Rankings.

68: Bay of Bengal

Fittingly enough, Bengal under Shuja-ud-Din Muhammad Khan resides in the region of Bengal. They haven’t really done much at all, turtling with less efficacy than Kayapo. Still, they hold an impressive carpet and a sizeable population- maybe they’ll finally be able to make gains against Afghanistan or Kokang.

69: Tibetan Plateau

Take a good look at those Mohave cities- they’re going to be someone else’s very soon. The Tarim Basin is going to be a major battleground, as Han, Tuva, and Afghanistan maintain cities in the region. Avi Mota is somehow the most populous city here, despite being separated from the Mohave core.

70: Mongolia

Han has been very impressive throughout this game and yet doesn’t really get the love they deserve. Is it because of their loss to Kokang? Their annihilation of other beloved civilizations? No, rather, I feel it’s because there’s so many good competitors that Han doesn’t stand out quite as much. Still, keep an eye on them- they may surprise you.

71: Japan

Once, these islands were the stomping ground of the Mori and the Ainu. Now, they’re part of the Mohave Anarcho-Weebery Commune. Gokturk also has some claims here- and Han is right across the sea, with a sizable army in Korea.

The Gokturks get their review on this slide because their navy up there is probably the only thing they have going for them at this point. I’m not a huge fan of them, so sorry if I come off as harsh- but they really dropped the ball. Eastern Siberia was ripe for the taking, and they had so many opportunities that they let slip past. They’re going to die in total war, and few will miss them.

72: Southeast China

Further south, the Han-Kokang border stands as a monument to one of Kokang’s most impressive feats- if only one of few. Still, they aren’t out of the game yet- their army is a little underwhelming but they’ve shown they can do more with less.

73: Southeast Asia

Kokang was a project designed by EmeraldRange and I, so I’m definitely biased towards them. Still, they aren’t my favorite civilization in the royale- that spot going to Timor-Leste. However, I’m happy they got into the top half of civs left, and their performance has been memorable. I particularly loved when their UA put another civ into anarchy for 12 turns. They also had marginal success in a war against Han, and fought well against a Mohave naval invasion. Godspeed, Olive Yang.

74: Polynesia

The Inca, and their Polynesian colonies, are one of the most stand-out performances in the royale thus far. I love them, and judging by the popularity poll, I’m not alone. The civ usually underperforms, but now? They stand a chance of taking it all. If only they didn’t have the glaring weakness of being now adjacent to Timor-Leste, my personal favorite choice to win.

75: Australia

Timor-Leste started at the bottom, and now they’re here- with one of the greatest shots at winning. They founded the Arianism religion, with some of the strongest bonuses, and from there went on to conquer Indonesia, the Yolngu, and the Wiradjuri. They’re strong, they’re feisty, they’re fun. What else can I say?

76: New Zealand

Aotearoa is one of the only few land borders Timor Leste has, and it’s not very populated by units on either side. Timor is going to have to rely on their naval superiority to get an upper hand against a civilization like the Inca.

77: More Polynesia

However, the naval superiority they have seems to falter in the Polynesian islands- where the waves are dominated by the Incan flotillas.

78: Patagonia

The Incan mainland settlements have grown nicely, but they don’t have much of an army. At least, not down south here- as we have seen, the Inca prefer to use their Naval strength to defeat powers such as Chile, and even taking mainland territory from the Kayapo. I’ve actually said before that I believe South America is mainly decided by two factors:1. The Amazon

2. Naval Warfare

The Inca have clearly shown the strength of Factor number 2.

79: Amazon Basin

While one might expect me to talk about the Kayapo here, I’m going to bring up the Muisca as a counterpoint to Inca. They had early game Naval and Military strength, and yet have still been outdone by the brute force of Kayapo’s Amazon start. They’re a good civ, they just happened to be outdone. So it goes.

80: Bahia, I guess?

The Kayapo are a force to be reckoned with even after having been pushed over by the Inca and Mali. Why? Because they have population centers such as Kremoro at 94 population. Even if they fall, whoever takes control of Kremoro gets a buttload of wonders under their control. Kayapo stands to be a real kingmaker here, but who will take the crown?

81: Mesoamerica

Ah, the Muisca. The drip is strong, but the nation is weak. Look, more Greenlandic paratroopers!

82: The Caribbean

Franklin Delano Roosevelt fought hard to get into CBRX- failing in both previous seasons’ votings- and now… they just kind of exist. They don’t have much of an empire left, but they used to be a competitor who could’ve taken it all. That said, they’ve done much better than other civilizations with their start position- Lincoln in Mark 2 was very forgettable, let’s face it.

83: California

I like the Mohave, and it’s not just because of their watermelon color scheme. They’ve been a fun competitor, especially with their pacific conquests. That said, I don’t think they stand a chance against the Arapaho. Whether they prove me wrong remains to be seen.

84: Eastern United States

FDR, surprisingly, still holds onto his original capital. However, he doesn’t have much beyond that. If you look up north, he has Windsor, which is Vermont’s former capital. All in all, another slide showing what once was.

85: Greenland

If there’s any reason Greenland (the Island) is green, it’s because the dev team had to balance it for their namesake civ. That said, it now belongs mostly to the Arapaho, with the exception of Jakobshavn.

86: The Pacific Northwest

The Arapaho are a beast- they’ve shown time and time again that they’re vicious and have what it takes to be a winner. If anyone wants to try and knock them down a peg, they’ll have a tough time- this competitor took down a powerful Cree empire, America, and even captured Greenland’s capital this very episode. They hold the lead for number of capitals, I believe.

87: The Aleutian Islands

Finally, the Cree. They were once strong, now they’re only 2 cities wide- with their capital in a former Gokturk city.Thanks to everyone for reading and/or listening, and thank you to the incredible CBRX Dev team for letting me narrate this fantastic episode. For the Americans reading this on the 4th, I hope you enjoy the fireworks. This is ExplosiveWatermelon, signing off!

Episode 36: A Song of Dice and Fire – S3

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