Civ Battle Royale July 12, 2023
Vihreaa
The world has been convulsed by war. Many great and powerful civilizations have fallen, but you have survived - until now. Total War has been declared, and billions across the planet will die.
Hello and WELCOME to the Civilization Battle Royale! My name is Vihreaa (Vih-ray-uh), mapmaker extraordinaire, and I have the distinct honor of delivering the first episode of Total War™ to our wonderful community. Prepare yourself, for the true strength of the technological developments of the cylinder will be deployed to their fullest extent.
u/zccc delivers to us an intriguing OC for this week, a kill chart of all of the civilizations who have inhabited this iteration of the cylinder. Despite just a few civilizations having a legitimate shot at victory, the elimination chart is quite balanced. Some civs have conquered, been conquered, while others have lived and died without eliminating anyone.
u/vihreaa has created yet another incredible map for our eyes to view, I mean does anyone do it better? (you don’t have to answer that) Jokes aside, it’s so great being able to create something for the community, and especially something where I can create a sense of continuity that I can share with the rest of the community. Here’s to many more maps in the future!
Money makes the world turn, and the same is true for the Cylinder. The amount of work it takes to run a project like this is no joke, and it’s largely thanks to our Ko-Fi donors that we are all able to all enjoy a series like this for free!
Castile is literally the GOAT. Nobody else has ever pull off such a power move as Isabella did, I mean settling right next to the submarine? Incredible. In my headcanon, Isabella travels to the sub on weekends to enjoy mimosas with Nebby while they watch the world be destroyed by the major nations of the world.
Turn 800, and Total War begins. Afghani forces assault the Yemeni city of Tai-22 (that’s a weird name). With little siege equipment or airpower in frame, there are not many direct threats to the city currently, but with no carpet protecting the city, it could be blitzed by another civilization if Yemen isn’t careful.
American ships siege Fusagasuga, as Kuikuro forces are quite outnumbered. Kidding! I would never get my South American turtle civs that were green mixed up! (Why do we keep getting these???)
Did you think I was exaggerating when I said billions would die? The city of Herat has been wiped off the map on the SAME turn Total War was declared. A city that had a population of 40, translates to 30 million people vaporized in nuclear hellfire.
Chad, while they have a solid carpet, it is extremely outdated, with paratroopers and rocket artillery. Needless to say, this carpet will be destroyed relatively quickly. Zaire (like see what I mean here?) Angola’s advanced Future Worlds units (this is me avoiding saying the unit name because I don’t know what they are) approach Chad territory, but will need to cut through their carpet before they can conquer them.
Timor-Leste’s African colonies come under siege from Angolan troops, and will likely be captured due to their distance from the main empire and that they are only lightly reinforced with troops. TL may hold on for a while, but with enough dedication of troops from Angola they won’t be able to hold this territory indefinitely.
The Bengalese carpet is seen in force in this frame, and while not very modern, still have traces of modern units sprinkled around. Along with this their strong air force will greatly help them on both defense and offense. TL’s cities of Chittagong and San Juan Del Monte take fire, but are not yet under direct threat of being captured.
Despite Yugoslavia having units and an airforce, Belgrade is still on red health with Brandeburg troops on their doorstep. The writing is on the wall for Tito, the only question now is how long he will last.
William III, much like Vladimir Putin, learns the downsides of employing forces to defend your territories that do not directly report to you. To be fair, how could he have guessed that the entire world would declare war on each other? In other news, 13 million people just died as Cork was wiped off the map.
Kokang and Han, two civs with formidable militaries and a very militarized border (I mean look at all of those citadels!) wage war on each other yet again, for what seems to be like the millionth time. Will it be another stalemate, or will one side finally emerge victorious?
Another city has been wiped off the map, and through the combination of my mediocre detective skills and lack of effort, do not know how much population it had. Kinda sucks though.
Mali and Angola are two civs that are a sort of wild card in this war. Neither are at the top of the pecking order, but wield a notable amount of power. Angola controls more territory and production, but has barely any military units in Northern Africa. Mali, meanwhile, has a sizable carpet, which is fairly modern as well. In my opinion, this is one front to keep and eye on in Total War.
The Gokturks have captured a city, which is the first time they have done that in months! (Don’t verify that) Capturing Tajihi-Sarugake, They gain a foothold on the Korean peninsula, in which they will now have to defend the city from Han troops.
Incan troops continue to swarm the occupied territory of the Kayapo, as they are about to capture Concepcion. Kayapo in total war may finally meet their end, perhaps sooner than some may think.
TL and the Inca wage war in New Zealand, as the Inca stage an offensive on TL’s holdings on the islands. The Inca’s naval and air power in the region is nothing to be toyed with, and TL should be wary of what could become a major thorn in their backside.
Mohave and Incan troops engage in naval warfare near the Hawaiian islands. Whoever is able to win in this theater will likely gain full dominance over the Northern Pacific, which at least for the Mohave is a vital connection to their Asian holdings that they will need to reinforce.
Usukeshi is wiped off the map, joining a few other cities in the Japanese Archipelago that have done the same, albeit in other timelines. Despite this, the Gokturks still control an formidable navy in the region to defend and go on the offensive with.
Turkey and Tuva share one of the longest land borders on the cylinder, nd the theory of quantity vs. quality will be put to the test. Will Tuva’s brute force in numbers win out? Or will Turkey’s technological superiority win the day?
Brandenburg northern holdings come under siege from Tuvan troops, and despite Brandenburg’s air force, they are matched and subsequently outmatched by Tuva. Their only hope is that Tuva’s Ai gets confused by the ocean and fail to mount a good invasion into Scandinavia.
The Tuva-Han-Gokturk border is a meat grinder. Units will die, with little territory being exchanged. The Gokturks will lose their isolated cities, but will probably be able to hold a line further to the east.
Afghanistan strikes back against the Bengals through their siege of some of their island holdings off the coast of Madagascar. With only drones and planes to defend the cities, Afghanistan will likely capture these cities.
American troops make landfall in Northern France, just about 255 years later than our timeline. Outmatched in terms of productive ability, America is just beefing up their maximum extent map with this one.
Isabella continues to live the dream as she essentially is already spectating the game. Being so far removed from the rest of the world and being 100% carpeted, Isabella is actually quite safe, with her only weakness being planes -> paratroopers/XCOMS, or Nexus. (I looked it up thats the plural)
American troops and I guess every other troop in the area continue to assault the Kayapo’s Caribbean holdings. With few reinforcements, the cities will fall before too long.
Rotterdam is the next city to be enveloped in nuclear hellfire, as the population of Great Britain continues to drop faster than Ireland during the Great Potato Famine, except this time, the people are leaving this world, not just Ireland.
Tito watches in anguish as he is forced to flee Belgrade, the city he built up from nothing, as it is captured by Brandenburgian forces. Despite the fact that he still rules over two cities, he knows that he is just waiting for those foreign troops to walk through his final gates, as he ponders for the first time just what happens to an immortal being when they have no reason to live any longer.
Greenland takes back Oviedo, as it’s population is reduced to basically nothing and the defense is basically nothing. This city could continue to flip for quite a while.
Hans Egede has opted for a new defensive strategy, missionaries. Upon seeing them get bombed from orbit, he goes back to the drawing board.
Mali’s drones are both humane and safe, as they ensure that no Malian lives are lost while fighting in Total War. Malian officials estimate with power like this, they will be able to conquer the world in no less than 86 days.
Arapho and Mohave, two world powers, share a major land border, and the winner of this conflict will likely emerge as the most likely winner of the royale. Both wield cutting edge military technology, but Arapho seems to have the edge numbers wise and airforce wise.
Mohave, Gokturk, and Han troops all are shooting at each other as the small forced of the Gokturks and Mohave scrap for Japanese cities while the Han carpet looms in the distance, looking on.
The Inca consolidate their front against the Kayapo, capturing Concepcion and moving north, further shrinking the empire the Kayapo rule over.
The Inca captures Iraca from the Muisca, bringing them that much closer the the core of the Kayapo. The sheer number of wonders the Kayapo control in their core cities could be enough to majorly shift the Inca towards the top.
Another Afghani city bites the dust, killing millions more. The work boats that once gathered fish for the city will likely need to look for new work.
America captures Funza, a Muisca city in the Atlantic. The city stands a chance to be recaptured, but American forces outnumber the Musca ships ultimately.
An Angolan city is nuked off the map, as Yemen moves a massive naval force down the eastern coast of Africa. With Angola’s core being as sparse as it is, they could capture a few coastal cities.
A Tuvan city experiences record breaking high temperatures, which is surprising when you realize it is a city in the arctic but makes sense when you realize the high temperatures were around 100 million degrees celsius.
Joe Burrow throws a touchdown in the city of Chittagong and the people love him so much they unilaterally change their allegiance to the Bengals. TL’s response to the Bengal forces are quite underwhelming, as they actually are losing ground to them.
They don’t call Afghanistan the graveyard of empires for nothing, but this time it’s their own empire that is getting put to rest. Bengal troops are advancing on all fronts, and facing little resistance so far.
Turkey and Brandenburg engage in battle in Eastern Europe, with neither nation committing a major invading force. The city of Lyda is up for grabs, as both empires have troops situated near there and the city is on low health.
Dublin very well may have been nuked in this image, but because it is an original capital it cannot be destroyed. What can be destroyed is the hopes and dreams of millions of Irish as they watch everything they’ve ever known be reduced to ashes.
Greenland captures San Salvador, formerly controlled by Central America, thanks to their former peacekeepers in the area. While entertaining, they will never be able to hold the city and it will be recaptured inevitably.
Mohave’s exclaves in Central Asia, which have stood tall for thousands of years now and developed their own culture, finally fall to Han forces, with their northern city not far behind.
The front between our two China’s continues to be a stalemate, with neither side yielding much. Kokang has done well to compete with nations stronger than themselves throughout the game, as they have never quite lost to the stronger civs they waged war against.
Mali troops capture Split, in what could be the first of many Angolan cities they capture in their North African campaign. Angolan forces scramble to Pristina, but are vastly outnumbered by Mali.
Mali continues their conquest of the Iberian peninsula. With their sizable army in the region, they have little competition and could feasibly roll over civs until they reach Brandenburg. A bias for military production is something that not a lot of civs seem to have right now, so this could be great for Mali.
A Chad city is nuked off the map, but we’ve seen this a dozen times already. How you pronounce nuclear is the real question.
The ANGLO DUTCH capture Funza, deciding they want in on the fun of capturing cities rather then just getting them nuked off the map. They panic at the realization that they actually have to defend the city now.
Washington has finally fallen to the Arapho, as the last remnants of the American military in the area retreat in the Appalachian mountains. Soon, the United States will be isolated to their holdings in the Caribbean and Iberia, their once glorious American empire now banished from the land they hail from.
The Inca successfully capture a city in mainland Australia, as the Pan-Pacific empire enjoyer’s rejoice. The Incan forces are showing no signs of stopping, as Timor-Leste finally seem to have found someone who is pushing them back.
Yeah they’re dead
Afghanistan captures one of the two Bengal cities while the other one is nuked off the map. I see this as an absolute win.
TL pushes back against the Incan offensive, recapturing one of their Kiwi cities. Incan ships are still firing on their cities in Australia, though, and they will need to win on both fronts.
Turkey captures Gardinas, and they hold Lyda for the time being. Neither civ has much of a carpet, but at the same time that makes it all the easier for a few units to blitz into cities to capture them.
Yemen unifies Madagascar, a first in history, as the citizens of the island rejoice. Their celebrations are cut short, as Yemeni officials announce that in order to keep public order, they will be razing the city of Mombasa to the ground. Yeah, like that’s gonna help?!
TL’s African colonies in the South hold strong, while Umgungundlovu is close to falling. Despite this, Angola’s core looks pitiful. Their cities have been nuked, and they have barely any military to speak of in this slide.
Just when the citizens of Washington DC thought all was lost, they see… is that Franklin Roosevelt riding a giant Bald Eagle?! America recaptures their capital and shows the Arapaho that they refuse to go down without a fight.
The Bengal’s invasion of Afghanistan looks to be going well, as they go on the offensive and are nearing in capturing a few of their cities. Their antiquated troops are cause for concern, but have shown few signs of failing yet.
All of Greenland’s cities in this slide have either been captured or nuked off the map. In a single turn, what little control they had left is gone, and millions more are added to the ever growing list of lives lost in Total War.
Greenland simply captures themselves a new capital, as the Greenlandic diaspora captures them new cities around the world. It would be a great strategy, if their troops weren’t being slaughtered by the thousands in every battle.
The nuclear fallout of a destroyed city that closely resembles Haiti stick out in the Caribbean. Will someone settle the ruins or will the current borders simply expand to cover the newly open land?
Han troops spill out into the Pacific and capture multiple cities, putting major pressure on Japan. Their brute numbers will likely help them to capture most of the Archipelago.
Brandenburg seems to be enjoying taking down their lifelong rival as they capture Sarajevo, leaving Yugoslavia with just a single city. Despite their troops around Belgrade, it seems Yugoslavia were unable to recapture their capital.
Malcaptures Marrakech, bringing the peninsula one step closer to full unification. And to think, all it took was Total War!
The Anglo-Dutch resettle Rotterdam, which immediately falls to red health from Brandenburg. The aforementioned Germanic state also captures Cork and Galway, cementing their control of the Isles.
Han forces advance in to Gokturk territory, capturing Nevkat, Romitan, and nearly capturing Shiraoi. The Gokturk military appears to have collapsed, and they have failed to form a cohesive line to hold
Despite their land failures, the Gokturk navy is strong. Capturing one of the Cree’s last cities, they stand to eliminate the Cree from the game. They will need to hurry, before the Arapaho can or they are simply eliminated themself.
Greenland’s new capital is unsurprisingly captured back by the Mohave, and the last of the Greenlandic troops in Central America are slaughtered.
A Mohave ship snacks into Chupachos, capturing the city behind the Inca’s battle lines. While the city will be recaptured, the ships needed to do so could shift the tide of the battle in the Pacific in the favor of the Mohave.
The Kayapo deploy their great Admirals to deal with the Mali threat, only to realize that they did not actually give their admirals any fleets to command. The Malian navy recognizes how funny this is, and decided not to sink all of those defenseless ships.
The Inca capture all of TL’s cities in New Zealand. With troops still in the area, TL will recapture the cities, but they simply don’t have enough troops to push the Inca back.
On TL’s northern front, things aren’t much better. At best they are fighting to a stalemate with Kokang, which is not good for what should be on the of the strongest civs in the game. Timmy, from all your fans out there, you can do it!
TL captures Malindi and Mombasa, returning Madagascar to it’s un-unified state. TL ships are still outnumbered, and are far from home.
Another city in Eastern Africa is wiped off the map, not like Angola was using it to build troops or anything. Yemen’s capital is on red health, though there are no civs nearby that stand a chance to capture it.
Tito leads the troops that march back into Belgrade, as he gets what could be his last victory as the leader of Yugoslavia. They also capture Melfi, TRIPLING his city count to a whopping three.
America captures three cities in one swoop, as the Arapaho get a little annoyed that those damn Americans won’t just accept the inevitable.
The Bengals are somehow still winning and capture Midnapore and are about to capture Afghanistan's city in the region. TL resistance is sparse and in some places nonexistent.
At this point I have no idea if Greenland is dead or alive at any given moment. In this very moment, they have yet another new capital of Godhavn, a city they actually founded! I wonder which city they will make their next capital!
Kokang captures Suai off of TL, where both sides have relatively sparse military presence. TL’s Pasig is on zero health, and any Kokang melee unit could walk in and capture the city.
Mali’s offensive is in full force, as they capture both Libto and Taranto from Angola. With their carpet still full and strong, they could march through all of Angola before they are finished.
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Detroit falls to the Arapaho, and I can use this opportunity to express how cool of a name that “The Arsenal of Democracy” is. During WW2, Detroit was producing a mind boggling amount of weapons and materials for the war effort, to the point where it was dubbed the “Arsenal of Democracy”.
Tuva and the Han race for the remaining Gokturk cities, as the low city defense paired the nonexistent military make for a great recipe for free cities.
Kayapo leads a counteroffensive with several Nexus, one of the strongest units in the game, and have Salt+27 on red health.
Tito laughs in the face of certain death as he looks on how pitiful his empire has become. Surrounded by enemies, he looks towards the narrator and asks when he will finally be dead. The narrator doesn’t remember, and will find out when Tito does.
Turkey captures and Afghan city whose name is covered by damage indicators as Afghanistan settles Herat, in the place of their old city nuked into oblivion. Along with this, they capture Taizz, further fragmenting Yemen’s already extremely dysfunctional looking empire.
Tuva capture multiple cities, further pushing into Brandenberg territory and doing surprisingly no damage to Birzai, despite surrounding the city in units.
The Mohave hold on for another turn , but are unlikely to hold for another. Tuvan units surround A+30ota, as their citizens wait in fear of what their fates will hold under the rule of these foreign nations.
Tuva has dealt massive Damage to Vilyada, bringing it to red health, while Turkey’s land units are sparse to none. This miscalculation from Turkey may cost them valuable land and cities as the game goes on.
I don’t think anyone expected the Bengals to be technically winning this hard going into total war. Advancing on almost every front they are pushing in, the Bengals will likely be one of the civs that actually gains cities from Total War.
GREENLAND THE GOATS? Rather than revive themselves again, they have liberated Central America, as Francisco Morazan is beamed out of the sub back into San Salvador. Instances like this are always funny, as they civ is returned to live with the same tech that they had when they were eliminated, which makes it a little difficult to make a play for victory when you neighbor’s units deal about 10x as much damage as yours.
Han and Tuva troops realize that they are actually also at war with each other and begin fighting each other, resuming our regularly scheduled meat grinder.
The Kayapo recapture Salta, powered by their incredible Nexus. These incredible units are keeping Kayapo in the game, as they are so much more powerful than the units that the Inca are deploying en masse.
Mali basically has united Iberia under one flag after hundreds of years of split rule with the capture of Leon. With a strong foothold in Europe, they could push further into Anglo-Dutch territory.
America is reduced to just a few cities in the Caribbean, with their new capital being La Serena, which is barely more than just rubble. Roosevelt’s famous speech that the only thing to fear is fear itself that he made at the beginning of the war seems so far away now…
The Arapaho have consolidated power in the former American territory and squashed dissidents, and will begin to develop these cities into powerful production centers to support their war effort to conquer this world.
This slide here does also confirm the final death of Greenland. While not very entertaining most of the game, this episode they have gone out in a blaze of glory, and from their track record this game, may yet be back.
The Cree are eliminated, by none other than their continental rival, the Arapaho. Never succeeding in breaking out of Northern North America, the Cree are another Arctic civ that failed to succeed, remaining in their corner of the world until they were eliminated by a larger power.
The Gokturks settle a new city in the place of the old one, which was settled in place of the older one. After All, the Gokturks want to present new cities to their conquerors rather than old and busted up ones.
We end the first full episode of Total War looking at the front between Timor-Leste and the Inca, and this slide can represent a lot of the conflicts around the world. Empires we thought were at the top of the pack are getting outdone by others, and some civs handle Total War better than others. This has been Vihreaa, and if you realized when I wrote the narration for my map you’ll realize that I wrote the entirety of this narration from 3 in the morning to 6 in the morning, and still have to make the map! Hopefully the narration was still entertaining despite this, and see you all next week for another episode of the Civ Battle Royale!