Civ Battle Royale August 09, 2023
NopeCopter
As the effects of Total War begin to take their toll, civilizations reverse their fortunes for better and for worse, birthing new legends in the process.
Hello and welcome back to the CBRX Season 3! I’m u/daXfactorz, aka NopeCopter, and I’ll be your narrator this time around. I’m sure you’re just as excited as I am to see where Total War takes us tonight, so let’s get right to the OC slides.
First off, we have this lovely map by the ever-talented u/Vihreaa! Be sure to take it all in while you still can, because the cylinder will never look the same again.
And here we have the latest in the long-running series of wonderful comics by u/Orangechrisy! The Arapaho truly are a terrifying force… will they finally break down the Inca tonight? Or will the South American superpower hold them off for another episode?
As always, a massive thank-you to everyone who makes this show possible by donating on Ko-Fi! Running a game of this scale just wouldn’t be feasible without your support.
Timor-Leste has finally returned to the top of the Power Rankings for the first time since Episode 32, and with rapid gains in both Africa and Southeast Asia, it’s not hard to see why. But the game is far from decided right now. Is their top spot truly warranted, or will another of the Elite Four rise to the occasion and kick Xanana Gusmao right back off his throne? Let’s find out!
We begin with a shot of a Malian counter-offensive. Despite doing rather poorly last episode, here it seems like Mali is in position to make sizable gains against Turkey in northern Africa - in fact, they’ve already captured both Luana and Split! However, in the process, the Turkish forces have seized Pristina, putting Mali at a net gain of one city on this slide.
The Anglo-Dutch continue their miraculous rampage through central Europe by capturing Potsdam. Brandenburg, once the undisputed strongest civ in Europe, has now been pushed back to Cottbus in Jutland and Oveido in Brittany, barely clinging onto their former core. Power Armor Infantry, the preferred unit of both the Anglo-Dutch and Mali, is a bit outdated at this point, but they still have a respectable 105 combat strength that lets them at least put up a fight against the units of the Elite Four.
The brutal Timorese counter-offensive against the Inca in the Pacific seems to have petered out, allowing one cheeky Inca Biotrooper to snipe Djirriidhuray on mainland Australia. The city is poorly-defended, but Timor-Leste has precisely zero units in this shot, so perhaps this foothold could grow into something more given a bit of good luck.
The reason for the lack of units in Australia might just be that the Timorese forces are instead concentrated on other fronts, such as the Southeast Asian front seen here. Maw Hteik and Rangpur have been taken from Afghanistan as the Timorese continue their push up through Myanmar, and the final Bengali strongholds (namely Patna) are under heavy siege. There doesn’t seem to be much resistance being offered around these parts, so I expect heavy gains from Timor-Leste here.
In a spectacular show of defiance from a doomed empire, Yemen retakes their capital of Sana’a, alongside the city of Ghazni in inland Arabia! That latter city doesn’t seem like it’ll remain in their hands for very long, with Turkish troops already moving to retake it, but Sana’a looks pretty well-defended between the mountains and the half-dozen units nearby. Yemen’s not out just yet.
Split has been recaptured by Turkey, but a wider look at this front shows just how outmatched the Turks really are in Africa. The Turkish soldiers are easily outnumbered at least four to one on the front lines, and more Malian soldiers are already on their way while Turkish reinforcements are nowhere to be found. Split’s city defense may be high, but ‘ll probably won’t be sporting cream and red for much longer. Compared to Power Armor Infantry, Automatons are a fair bit weaker (90 combat strength vs. 105), but they gain a 20% strength boost when there’s a friendly unit adjacent to them. Too bad Turkey isn’t even trying to take advantage of this.
The Turks are faring much, much better on the Siberian front, where a swarm of Biotroopers is decimating the Tuvan cities of Iyzur and Khandagyty. To defend their wide-open core from this assault, the Tuvan military has prepared… one single Rocket Artillery. Biotroopers are the final form of the Marine, sporting 110 combat strength and the ability to enter rival territory along with having no penalty while embarked. They heal a bit after every turn, too, so while they aren’t quite the strongest unit in the game, they’re certainly one of the most reliable.
The Timorese advance into Afghanistan continues as Wanchanshu and Jianye come under attack. There aren’t many (or any, really) troops defending against this advance, but Timor-Leste has made the dubious decision to split their forces and attack several cities at once, which could prove disastrous. The Afghans, for their part, are committing their forces to the invasion of Han, which seems to be going smoothly - Guangzhou has fallen into the red.
Afghanistan is also committing forces to their front with Turkey, where the fighting is significantly more contested than any other front we’ve seen thus far. Afghan Biotroopers have done significant damage to Asir and are currently swarming Aral, but Turkey has a significant land and air presence in the region and doesn’t seem keen on letting the Afghans take Central Asia without a fight. I’d personally place my bets on an eventual Turkish victory here, but this front is certain to be a meatgrinder no matter who comes out on top.
Inca doubters may want to reconsider their stance on the green giant’s chances - Tupac’s forces have consolidated and are launching a massive push to finally knock the Kayapo out of mainland South America once and for all. Kokraimoro has already fallen, and so has the Arapaho island city of To-Okooxeee-Ni’, which is another blow to anybody hoping for a southerly Arapaho invasion to happen any time soon. There’s still fierce Kayapo resistance around Gorotire, but in a horrifying twist for the empire once famed for its insurmountable tech advantage, the Inca seem to be about evenly matched in both quantity and quality of units.
The Mohave may have been kicked out of North America, but they’re not giving up just yet. Tashkurghan has fallen to this plucky rump state’s forces, and the rest of Japan looks soon to follow! Irataba’s secret? As a long-time fan of Japanese culture, he’s decided to employ a classic tactic of the Mori: daimyos. Every single Mohave tile in Japan is owned by a vassal lord tasked with protecting his land and supporting Irataba’s war effort. Surely, nothing could go wrong as a result of having more Great Generals than combat units!
Afghanistan’s rampage through East Asia continues as they capture Guangzhou and Linzi from Han, along with Qarakhoja from Tuva. There’s actually a decently-sized Tuvan military force visible here, but it’s entirely made up of outdated ranged and siege units, so they won’t be taking Guzang any time soon. Meanwhile, several would-be Mohave daimyo who were unable to secure any land in Japan head west in search of the mythical long-lost Central Asian colonies, where they hope to find subjects of their own. WIth no units to guard them, however, their odds of success appear slim.
The Malian counter-offensive kicks into gear as Split, Pristina, Aouzou, and Sarh are all recaptured in one fell swoop! Taranto and Palermo look to be Mali’s next targets, but a few rogue Power Armor Infantry are going after Benevento and Akhetaten as well. Turkey’s cities may have high defense, but they completely lack any aircraft to stop the encroaching land forces - in fact, there are no planes or bombs on this front whatsoever.
A squadron of Timorese Arsenal Ships descends on the Yemeni Antarctic colony of Mukalla. This would be absolutely terrifying for the inhabitants of this comically-overpopulated outpost… if it wasn’t for the fact that Arsenal Ships can’t capture cities.
Despite the recapture of their capital city, the loss of Ghazni seems to have sent Yemen into a Dark Age, the last thing that an underdog needs. At least Sana’a is still holding strong!
Mohave’s Central Asian colony of Avi Mota is still clinging to life, against all odds. In fact, not only is it clinging to life, but it’s actually invading the Tuvan city of Izhma! Tuva has more important things to worry about, such as the Turkish forces that have just captured the cities of Khandagyty and Izyur, so the odds of this plucky little exclave growing one city bigger are looking pretty good… provided the Afghans don’t snipe the city first, of course.
Cheering the Mohave on is Ferde Grofe, who in our timeline was an American classical composer famed for writing the Grand Canyon Suite, among other compositions. One thing’s for sure, at least - if Avi Mota keeps this up, Mr. Grofe won’t have to worry about inspiration for a day in his life.
Mali’s rampage continues as they capture Taranto, putting them closer than ever to reaching the Mediterranean once more! Turkey does seem to be putting up a bit of resistance, though - they evidently managed to flip both Split and Sarh, although Mali owns both cities again now.
The Kayapo have retaken Kokraimoro, but it’s come at the cost of the much more vital city of Gorotire. A scattered force of Kayapo units still remains around the city, but it seems like protecting the heavily-damaged capital and forming a barrier around the Kayapo’s coastal holdings are taking priority right now. Things are still looking pretty even for now, but at this rate the fall of Kremoro seems imminent.
Iskor is the next Tuvan city to crumble in the face of the Turkish advance, along with Seinai just off-screen to the northwest. Aside from showing that the Turks are still a force to be reckoned with, this shot is also notable for revealing that there are quite literally zero Tuvan military units anywhere near the front lines. Not even a single plane or an outdated artillery unit. To see the empire that was only recently swarming Turkish cities with a seemingly-endless carpet reduced to… this, it’s almost enough to make me feel bad for them.
Avi Mota has done it! They’ve taken Izhma, and expanded to a whole three cities! Now all they have to worry about is the Afghan incursion from the south, and they’ll be pretty much safe.
The Anglo-Dutch take Oveido out of Brandenburg’s hands, reducing their presence on mainland Europe (outside of the Scandinavian Peninsula) to only Cottbus. That being said, there aren’t many Anglo-Dutch units left in this area, and Brandenburg does have a couple of melee ships around, so both Oveido and the Hague could hypothetically flip back in the near future.
Kremoro has fallen! The Kayapo capital has finally shifted to a slightly darker green-and-gold palette, and this once-mighty civilization has been pushed back to their coastal holdings. There are still definitely enough Kayapo units in the area to flip it once or twice more, but given that the Inca now easily outnumber them, any flips won’t last long. Aside from being a momentous occasion given how impenetrable the Kayapo core has been for most of the game, this particular city capture also gives the Inca access to an absolute ton of wonders, including the Leaning Tower of Pisa (which grants +25% Great Person generation) and Skynet (which grants an extra 10% combat strength to ALL units and allows for the production of Robot Infantry).
Timor-Leste has finally captured Abeche, but Mali is putting up stiff resistance in the Sahel… what they need is a buffer state, and so Xanana Gusmao decides to revive the greatest buffer state of all: Chad! The odds of their survival are looking pretty slim, surrounded by Malian troops on all sides, but they’ll certainly buy Timor some time.
At the same time, Timor also decides to handle the Inca advance by reviving another long-dead civilization: the Maori!
…They then proceed to kill the Maori again instantly, presumably as payback for their failures against the Wiradjuri so many years ago. I… suppose this calls for a eulogy.
It’s always fun to see fan favorites from days past revived for one more brief cameo, but the Maori seem to have been subjected to a fate even more cruel than if they had never been revived to begin with. The Maori went from dead to alive to dead again so quickly that a sidebar notification is the only evidence that they were ever revived at all. If nothing else, I suppose they at least now hold the record for shortest amount of time spent on the cylinder in one sitting. F.
That Dark Age doesn’t seem to be slowing Yemen down one bit, because they’ve just retaken Taizz from Turkey! Much like their capture of Ghazni, the Turkish forces in the area will probably undo this before long, but it’s still an excellent testament to the stubbornness of the Yemeni people. It’s not like Yemen is all that close to running out of units, either - they can keep the fight going for quite some time if they want to.
Afghanistan has pushed back slightly in Southeast Asia, retaking Maw Hteik from the Timorese clutches, but they’ve lost both Shwe Yin See and Wanchanshu in the process. Timor-Leste still holds a decisive advantage on this front. Htin Par Keng looks like the red-and-gold army’s next target, but with a Nexus and several aircraft guarding the city, it seems like things may get trickier for Timor-Leste from here on out.
The run-down Kayapo military manages one final counter-offensive with their few remaining units, retaking both Kremoro and Gorotire in the process. It’s certainly impressive, but with Inca units already in position to flip the cities right back, it seems as though this will end up an ultimately fruitless gesture.
There is chaos in the war room of Dili. Despite the revival of several buffer states, Timor-Leste is still struggling to fend off their rivals in Africa. Could it be true that reviving civs is completely pointless and only serves to waste a captured city? No, of course not. The Timorese simply aren’t reviving the right civs. But… can they truly risk the consequences of bringing back a monster? Xanana Gusmao, visibly afraid, nonetheless decides that they must. He got this far by risking it all, and he’s not going to give up now. He steels himself, and then pushes the button he hoped never to press.
The siren sounds.
The cylinder trembles.
Kilwa has returned.
While Kilwa may live, Bengal certainly does not. The Timorese see immediate success as a result of their decision, not only capturing Patna, but also Darbhanga, finally eliminating Bengal from the game.
Bengal was a civilization with a lot of promise, expanding quickly and crippling Pandya early on. However, as the game continued, Bengal eventually just… stopped. They tried and failed to break down the walls of Kokang to no avail, and they let Afghanistan seize the bulk of Pandya lands, denying them any easy conquests and trapping them between two major powers. Nonetheless, Bengal remained a threatening military force, always maintaining a solid unit carpet but never managing to use it on anything aside from a brief and inconclusive war with Indonesia and a mercy-killing of the mighty Cambodia. When Total War came around,Bengal was expected to be a tough but ultimately irrelevant speed bump for the likes of Afghanistan or Kokang, or perhaps eventually Timor-Leste or Turkey. Instead, Bengal decided to punctuate their life of stagnation with a truly brilliant death. As their neighbors exhausted themselves fighting one another, Bengal used their stockpiled military to blitz through the empty Afghan lands and even briefly push Timor-Leste back through Southeast Asia. Their master plan was stunning, but sadly, the Bengali forces simply lacked the Production to keep their war machine running. As the Bengali reserves dried up, their neighbors (particularly Afghanistan) kicked their militaries into high gear, reversing the tiger’s gains and ultimately leaving them to die at the hands of Timor-Leste. Their life may not have always been all that exciting, but you can’t say they didn’t try. F.
Unfortunately for the mighty Kilwa, their luck has already run out. Though they may have outlasted Bengal, the Yemeni forces in the area have quickly retaken Kilwa Kisiwani, eliminating Kilwa for the second time.
After Kilwa’s hard-fought but ultimately fruitless final struggle against Angola and Yemen, many foolishly believed that they had seen the last of this plucky little civ. However, the machinations of fellow CBR icon Timor-Leste led to their miraculous return, and in their own capital, no less. With the capture of Kilwa Kisiwani from Yemen, the Timorese elected to return the once-great city to its original owners, and give these (un)living legends a chance at revenge. Unfortunately, however, the Yemeni military proved to be too strong for the fledgeling Second Kilwa Empire, and Ali ibn al-Hassan was forced to watch as his once-mighty nation was snuffed out by their ancient rivals in Yemen for the second time. F.
(Also, look! Chad’s still alive!)
The Turkish-Afghan front continues to stagnate, with Asir holding steady at around half health and Afghan soldiers still struggling to damage Aral. Konya is surrounded, too, but the city hasn’t taken any damage yet. On the other hand, though, the former Massagetae capital of Jaxartes appears to have been knocked into the red by a cheeky Afghan vanguard. The Turks hold steady here for now, but could Afghanistan have a better shot at making gains here than expected
Brandenburg finally retakes the Hague after a drawn-out siege, meaning that the two remaining European civs now own each other’s capitals. The city of Lundenburh along the Baltic Sea coast appears to have been captured as well, meaning that Brandenburg now has three footholds on western/central Europe. In fact, looking at Oveido, they may have a fourth soon. As if the loss of their capital isn’t bad enough, the Anglo-Dutch aren’t even trying to retake it - a Turkish military force has taken Potsdam and is now threatening Konigsberg and perhaps even Berlin, forcing the few remaining Anglo-Dutch troops to rush to defend their newfound gains.
As another turn comes along, so too is another revived civ cruelly wiped off the map. This time, it’s Chad, who have finally fallen to the Malian advance.
Chad’s return to the cylinder was more eventful than most. Brought back by Timor-Leste in the midst of an active war zone, the significant Malian military presence in the region all but guaranteed that this former fan favorite wouldn’t last a single turn. And yet… they did! Against all odds, despite being surrounded by hostile Power Armor Infantry, the city of Abeche held out for at least two full turns, acting as a minor step towards Chad earning back their once-glowing reputation. But alas, all good things must come to an end, and Mali finally took the city back under their control, albeit at a heavy cost to their manpower in the region. Well played, Chad. F.
The Arapaho have been struggling to break into South America thus far, but this latest push shows that they’re certainly not done trying. Guatemala City, Olinda, and Qalla Q’asa have all been seized by the advancing Arapaho forces, and the ascendant North American power now seems to have an iron grip on Panama. The Inca are preoccupied with uniting their own continent; could this push be the one that finally lets the Arapaho cement a foothold in their American rival’s front yard?
While the assault on Central America progresses, the Arapaho have also dedicated a portion of their fleet to strike at the remains of the Kayapo. This is a brilliant plan in theory, but in practice, a lack of melee units means that the only thing Pretty Nose is accomplishing is softening the Kayapo up for the Inca forces. Not that their help is particularly needed in that department, mind you - Gorotire, Kokraimoro, and even Kremoro, are now solidly in the hands of the Inca, and it seems like only a matter of time before the Kayapo are kicked off of mainland South America entirely.
Afghanistan appears to have briefly captured Izhma from Avi Mota, but here we see that they’ve since retaken it, and devastated the invading Afghan forces, to boot. This means that, amazingly, Avi Mota lives on! With the Afghans mostly neutralized, the Biotrooper swarm now returns to conquest, striking at both Guangzhou and the isolated Han fortress of Samagaltay. That said, splitting one’s forces is an infamously bad strategy… Avi Mota’s hubris could lead to their downfall, here.
Just as amazingly, the core Mohave forces in Japan have captured Miiri-Takamasu and Koshoy Korghon from the Gokturks, uniting all of Honshu under one banner! It seems as though the daimyo strategy was the right call after all. What’s next? Tajihi-Sarugake? Maybe even Sat Poro Pet?
Mali and Yemen breathe a sigh of relief as Timor-Leste’s powerful thralls are sent back to the sub where they belong, allowing them to engage the red giant two-on-one once more. However, they’ve forgotten to account for one crucial detail: Timor-Leste can always just capture the cities again.
That’s right, fools, Kilwa is back again! Africa’s funniest civ has risen from the grave once more as Timor-Leste recaptures Kilwa Kisiwani and liberates the city, and this time, there aren’t nearly as many Yemeni units around. Sadly, though, there ARE plenty of Timorese units within the city’s borders, and so the city will likely be Timor’s for good come next turn.
If you take a look at the top-left corner, however, you’ll notice that Kilwa isn’t alone here…
Yes, Chad has been returned for an encore, as well! Africa’s other funniest civ takes up residence in Abeche once more to continue stalling out the rapidly-dwindling Malian forces, and unlike Kilwa, Chad seems to have a decent chance of surviving for a couple of turns thanks to the lack of units in their immediate vicinity. Mali’s units have begun to coalesce around Malanje, and Timor-Leste is focusing their troops around Luanda to counter them, leaving Chad free to live their best life so long as a stray unit doesn’t decide that they stopped being funny years ago.
…Well, never mind, then. It turns out that Yemen did have a unit available to re-re-eliminate Kilwa after all. Kilwa Kisiwani once again falls into Yemeni hands, eliminating Kilwa for the second time this episode.
When Kilwa was brought back from the dead only to be cruelly torn away once more, we, the naive fools, assumed that they would never again grace our humble eyes. How innocent we were to underestimate their power. Kilwa’s third coming, again at the behest of Timor-Leste, was a truly marvelous sight to behold. As if to spite their murderers, the purple paragons once again rose from their grave, taking up residence in their immortal capital to spit in the face of the once-proud empire of Yemen. In fact, this time the Timorese had taken extra precautions to ensure their safety, clearing the area of Yemeni forces so that the abominable seed they had planted could take root and eventually devour their old rivals whole. Yes, the plan was perfect, and Kilwa would surely secure themselves a permanent place on the cylinder once more.
But woe! A lone Automaton had managed to escape the notice of the Timorese, and it struck at Ali ibn al-Hassan as soon as he stepped foot back into his home. Tragically, the triumphant reign of the Third Kilwa Empire was cut short, and their wise and noble ruler was whisked back to the submarine once more by their cruelest of enemies. Truly, we have lost a great nation today. F.
The Turkish march across Siberia continues as Kaa-Kham falls without resistance. Chadan and maybe Sug-Aksy look to be next… and then Kyzyl will be on the front lines. Tuva does have a couple of military units in this image, with both a UAV Drone and an Artillery gun present, but for the most part the only thing filling the steppe is the mournful cries of undefended Throat Singers.
Things aren’t looking much better for Tuva in the south, either, as Otuken falls to a pair of Afghan Bio-Titans. There are three Tuvan melee units visible here, and all of them are naval units trapped in Lake Baikal, so I wouldn’t bet on it flipping back, either. Believe it or not, though, this isn’t even the only capital that Durrani’s added to his empire this turn…
Surprise! Afghanistan has managed to snipe Jaxartes from behind the front lines! Sure, there’s a Turkish Automaton in place to attempt to retake the city, but even if the city does fall, it’s still an impressive feat. It becomes even more impressive when you consider how poorly Afghanistan seems to be doing otherwise: Aral hasn’t even been scratched, the siege of Asir appears to have fallen apart, and the lands of Avi Mota look safer than ever. Things aren’t looking so hot for Durrani’s wild comeback right now.
On the other hand, Avi Mota’s wild comeback continues to go swimmingly. Guangzhou has fallen to the watermelon menace, bringing the colony to a record four cities, and Samagaltay has begun to take damage as well. With no other major military force in the region, the only question left is how far these Biotroopers can go before they stretch themselves too thin.
Wait… what’s this? Could it be? That’s right, folks, Kilwa has once again returned from the grave to wreak havoc upon your mental state, pulling off the revival hat-trick and raising their brilliant purple banner for the third time this episode! At this point the sub’s hatch is feeling more like a revolving door. I’m not even sure if Timor-Leste meant to revive them this time, I’d bet that Ali ibn al-Hassan just brought himself back through sheer force of will. Whatever the case, this time there are ACTUALLY no Yemeni units nearby, so odds are that Timor-Leste will retake the city soon enough and finally put this out-of-control civ to rest for good.
Oh, also - if you look closely at the top-left corner of the screen, you can see that Timor-Leste has also killed off Chad by retaking Abeche. Chad’s third coming was a bit less impressive than their first revival, but it seems like they did a fairly decent job at stalling out Mali - I don’t see many Malian units around these parts, after all. Rest well, Chad. You’ve earned it. F.
Timor-Leste’s attention seems to have shifted from Afghanistan to Han, with Longbian under heavy siege and Nanjing beginning to get surrounded as well. There are no Han troops left in China, so I’d be amazed if the Timorese forces managed to fail in their mission. Further north, it seems like Afghanistan’s invasion is ongoing, too. Sadly, the Mohave Great Generals have been less successful in their quest than the two invading armies - only about half of them are still alive, and they seem to be retreating back to Japan.
The Anglo-Dutch have retaken the Hague, but it’s come at the cost of losing Potsdam to Turkey. It seems like the Anglo-Dutch have decided to abandon Germany in favor of defending their core holdings, where the bulk of their forces now reside. Sadly, it may not be enough to stop the Brandenburger fleet already moving in to retake the Anglo-Dutch capital. Brandenburg isn’t exactly having a good time either, though; a contingent of Turkish Biotroopers has made its way into Scandinavia and is now assaulting Ribe.
While the Turks may have the advantage against the Anglo-Dutch and Brandenburg (who continue to duke it out around Oveido), their success against Mali is rapidly reversing even in Europe. No less than eight Power Armor Infantry are descending on Marrakech, which has only a lone heavily-damaged ship defending it. The Malian Reconquista looks to be inevitable, and Amsterdam looks like it could potentially fall as well if Sundiata isn’t satisfied.
Here’s a quick shot of the Antarctic to remind you that, even if the Kayapo are forced out of their core holdings by the Inca, they’ll still have a few small colonies in the southern Atlantic to flee to. They don’t have many units here, but that’s okay - nobody has units here. (It’s also funny to note that Mizque is now the largest Kayapo city by a wide margin, with 67 population on a two-tile tundra city.)
The Afghan invasion of Han is going much, much better than it appeared to be a few slides ago. Both Guzang and Jiangling are surrounded and taking heavy damage, with no Han reinforcements in sight. Once these two cities inevitably fall, the remains of the Han state will be cut in half - not a good position at all for an already rapidly collapsing empire. Tuva is also trying to invade from the north, but in classic civ fashion, they’ve forgotten to build any melee units. At least that’s one front the Han don’t need to worry about. Meanwhile, the Arapaho have taken Shiraoi, and Ebeneezer Al-Sulayhi has finally relented after meeting the Ghost of Kilwa Future and made peace with their old rival. Too bad they’re going back to war next turn anyways.
Brandenburg now holds both the Hague and Oveido, although Anglo-Dutch Power Armor Infantry are on their way to contest the latter. Konigsberg is also seeing some action, but the odds of the Anglo-Dutch flipping, much less holding, this city are looking quite slim. Turkey hasn’t made a move on Berlin just yet, but their assault on Ribe is going quite smoothly, at least.
The Arapaho have a solid grasp on Kamchatka by now, having secured Ergenekon, and they’re now in position to capture Bolchu. Tuva isn’t in a position to contest this area of the world, and while the Mohave are launching a fairly impressive-looking invasion of Sat Poro Pet, I wouldn’t bet on them making it onto the mainland even if they do succeed here. In fact, given the weakness of their neighbors in Asia, I’d expect the Arapaho to have much more success on this front than in South America in the coming turns.
Yemen continues to hold onto Sana’a, though Turkey has reclaimed Taizz once more. Yemen looks to finally be running low on units, so their final collapse may be imminent… once Turkey can put together a large-enough force in the region, of course. For now, though, Yemen holds on.
A Turkish counter-offensive has undone most of Mali’s hard-earned progress in this episode, taking Sarh, Moundou, Aouzou, Benguela, and Pristina since we last saw this area. However, Mali hasn’t just been laying down and dying, either - they’ve captured Palermo, giving themselves another port on the Mediterranean. Their forces are already looking to retake Pristina, too, so Mali can’t be counted out just yet.
The Yemeni stronghold of Madagascar, seemingly the safest part of the civ’s remaining empire, is suddenly attacked by a truly bizarre foe: a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Considering the Inca are the ones who own the Jurassic Park wonder, it’s kind of odd to see one of these units here, of all places. I blame Kilwa. Still, though, it’s clear to see that Yemen has enough troops in this part of the world to put up a decent fight when Timor-Leste or Turkey comes knocking; and it’s a good thing, too, since Timor-Leste is already sending a few units to assess the situation. (Also of Note: Kilwa lives on! Probably not for long, though. There’s a Timorese Biotrooper ready to take the city on its next turn.)
As expected, Afghanistan captures both Jiangling and Guzang without issue, ripping the Han in half. Gul-Zarriun looks to be next to go, although I wouldn’t be surprised to see Pengcheng fall soon, either. At this rate, it feels like Afghanistan could end up owning all of east Asia!
Ribe has somehow managed to hold out against the Turkish invasion thus far, but Oranienburg hasn’t been quite so lucky. The Turks have finally made landfall in Scandinavia proper, and without any land-based melee units, these gains could very well be permanent. In Finland, Palanga is also under heavy siege, so it looks like Brandenburg’s defense is finally starting to crumble.
Avi Mota’s forces have finally managed to wear down the defenses of Samagaltay, granting them their fifth city. This colony is now larger than multiple actual civilizations, and they seem to have the largest military presence in this region of the world, as well. In fact, their military hardly seems to have taken a dent in the process of taking Samagaltay! Their next stop appears to be Nar Le, their long-lost original second city. At this rate, I’d be amazed if they didn’t capture it.
The Tuvan holdouts in the northwest have all but collapsed since their last appearance, being reduced from a sizable exclave to a single undefended city. Upyte is surrounded and undefended, and before long those Turkish units will be free to join their brothers in the east on their push toward Kyzyl.
At long last, the Inca have secured Ubate and Recife, finally pushing the Kayapo out of South America! There doesn’t seem to be more than a single Kayapo unit present to flip any of their old cities back, either, so it seems as though Raoni has been exiled to his southern colonies for good. Arapaho Cybersubs patrol the nearby waters, but they’re powerless to make any gains here - the Inca seem perfectly secure in their control of the continent for the time being. Now all they need to do is build back up and prepare to push back on their other fronts.
Well, it was fun while it lasted, but Kilwa’s luck has once again run out. Timor-Leste has taken the city of Kilwa Kisiwani for themselves, eliminating Kilwa for the third time this episode.
The saga of Kilwa has been a wild one, a tragedy in three acts. Their first revival established the situation - Timor-Leste required a diplomatic bonus and a buffer state against Yemen, and Kilwa fulfilled that need. This period also established the villain of our tale: Yemen, who had been the one to originally slay Kilwa. We saw the power of Kilwa and their magical capabilities, outlasting Bengal, but before long they fell back into the hands of Yemen.
The second revival of Kilwa demonstrated the development of this established formula: again Kilwa was raised by Timor-Leste in the face of Yemen, but this time the cruel Yemeni forces were ready for their return, ending their existence even more quickly. In this, the desperate fury of Yemen was evident, struggling to conceal and repress the cruel actions of their past in order to convince themselves that their fight remained just. And indeed, it seemed as though the end of Kilwa was finally at hand with their third death.
However, Kilwa returned once more, defying all expectations and cementing themselves as a true legend. It was this third revival that finally forced Yemen to confront the error of their ways and accept the consequences of their actions. Haunted by this eternal specter, Yemen finally relented and agreed to peace with their old enemies in Kilwa (however futile it may have been in Total War). Thus, Yemen’s character arc was complete, and Kilwa had finally achieved closure. However, poor Kilwa’s happy ending was not to be. Timor-Leste, the seemingly benevolent overlord that had returned Kilwa from the grave, suddenly turned on their ally, slaying them where they stood for daring to reconcile with their ancient enemy. A truly heartbreaking betrayal, but a captivating ending for this masterpiece of a tale that has played out in Kilwa Kisiwani. That is, unless Yemen were to retake the city and force Timor-Leste to flip it again, of course. Then maybe, just maybe, we could see Kilwa once more. Until then, though, F.
Turkey has captured Sug-Aksy and Chadan, putting Tuva’s capital within spitting distance of Ataturk’s forces. But first, Turkey seems to be interested in clearing out the north - Kyzyl-Mazhalik is taking heavy damage, and the city looks poised to join the ever-growing Turkish empire within a turn or two.
After a brutal campaign in the area earlier in the episode, things seem to have calmed down significantly between Afghanistan and Timor-Leste, at least in the south. There are practically no units present in this image, especially on the Afghan side. That said, a lone Afghan Bio-Titan has managed to retake Rangpur, so they’re at least not about to be rolled over by Timor-Leste without a fight. Speaking of Bio-Titans, these monsters have a nightmarish 140 combat strength, heal on every kill, and can even spawn short-lived Genoswarm units when near an enemy. Needless to say, they’re forces of pure destruction on the battlefield… but I still wouldn’t bet on one taking on all of Timor-Leste alone.
Timor-Leste’s revival streak continues, this time in Asia! With the capture of Nanjing, the Timorese forces have decided to return Great Ming to life, placing Yongle back in control of his capital. it’s quite the city, too, with 24 population and no especially threatening military units nearby. With a bit of luck, Great Ming might be around for quite some time. They probably won’t outlive Han, but man, wouldn’t it be funny if they did?
The last of the Anglo-Dutch forces struggle to reclaim Oveido (and England) from Brandenburg, but at this point I’m not liking their chances. Things aren’t going well for the Anglo-Dutch in the east, either - Berlin has fallen into the red, and seems doomed to fall into Turkish hands. It seems like the Anglo-Dutch are on their last legs now. There aren’t any enemy troops in position to finish off their final two cities, but it won’t be long before Turkey or Mali comes knocking. Speaking of Mali, though, they’ve taken Marrakech from Turkey and united Iberia, so there’s something for you underdog fans to celebrate.
Mukalla has successfully fended off the Timorese assault, and the remaining Arsenal Ships are retreating back to South Africa. Mukalla has a fairly decent garrison, too, so they’ll probably be able to hold out if Timor-Leste comes back for more in the future.
The Inca have once again managed to reverse their fortunes in Aotearoa, pushing Timor-Leste out of South Island with their fancy new Robot Infantry (courtesy of Skynet). As a stronger version of the Automaton, Robot Infantry also gain a bonus from adjacent friendly units, on top of matching Biotroopers pound-for-pound in terms of combat strength even without the bonus. There are a few Timorese Biotroopers nearby to flip Tokaanu a bit more, and it seems like Australia is starting to repopulate its carpet as well, but the Inca can probably catch their breath here now.
Timor-Leste is seeing much more success in Africa, having secured Malanje from Mali. Progress is slow here, with Mali’s seemingly endless supply of Power Armor Infantry ensuring that every city captured is paid for in blood, but the forward march of Timor-Leste hasn’t met an obstacle it couldn’t surpass just yet. Besides, most of those Malian troops are busy attacking Turkey instead of defending the south.
Berlin continues to hold out against the Turkish assault… somehow. The city is deep in the red, and it probably won’t survive another turn, but the fact that it’s lasted this long without any defending units is still admirable. On the other hand, Ribe has finally fallen to Turkey, but a small Brandenburger fleet has arrived to contest the city. Could we finally be seeing the awakening of Brandenburg’s North Sea Armada? (Probably not.)
Turkey’s march to the Arctic Sea continues in Siberia, with Kyzyl-Mazhalyk falling and both Bay-Khaak and Olgii looking soon to follow. Despite their capital being in grave danger, Tuva hasn’t lifted so much as a finger to try and reinforce this front - perhaps they think they’d have better luck trying to flee by conquering new lands to the east? Or perhaps they’ve simply accepted their fate? Whatever the case, it’s clear that Tuva’s days are numbered. Hilariously, though, it seems like Turkey isn’t the only civ participating in the dismantling of Tuva; Mohave Biotroopers can be seen at the bottom of the image marching toward Shagonar and Khandagayty (the latter of which is now Turkish).
Afghanistan has taken Gol-Zarriun and Pengcheng, pushing Han ever further into Manchuria. In fact, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think this screenshot contains the last five Han cities on the map. The end of this once-proud empire now seems frighteningly close, and Afghanistan certainly doesn’t seem interested in letting up. That said, they may be looking to take another bite out of Tuva, too; a few Afghan troops are on their way north to Suyab.
Afghanistan is finally making some breakthroughs on the western front, too. They may have lost Jaxartes, but in return, they’ve finally captured Asir! Of course, there are plenty of Turkish units nearby, so the city is likely to flip, but it’s still a good sign that they’ve managed to take the city at all. I’m honestly just amazed that Aral hasn’t even taken damage yet, though.
Just to the east, Avi Mota’s rampage through Central Asia continues. They’ve taken Qarakhoja, which in case you’ve forgotten is a capital, and they’re looking about ready to retake Nar Le, too! It looks like there are even fewer Afghan units in this area than before, too, so the ascendant colony is free to just keep growing.
Avi Mota’s expansion is impressive, but don’t discount Mohave Japan, either! Not only have they taken Sat Poro Pet, but they’ve actually gone even further and taken Ongi from the Arapaho, as well. Given how quickly and one-sidedly they were defeated in North America, the amount of success the Mohave are having in Asia is genuinely impressive. By contrast, the Arapaho are still struggling to finish off the Gokturks, although they have taken Bolchu, so I guess that’s something.
It’s taken quite some time, but Turkey is finally starting to make progress in Finland with the capture of Kernave. Klaipeda is now surrounded as units from both the east and the new Turkish holdings in the west close in on the city… but this may prove to be a poor strategic decision on Turkey’s part. Brandenburg finally has some actual land units in Scandinavia, and provided they don’t screw things up (which to be fair they probably will, given it’s Brandenburg we’re talking about), they might be able to retake Oranienburg and possibly even Ribe! The job would be much, much easier if they’d just dedicate a few more naval units to the invasion, though…
The fighting is still fierce around the former homeland of Kokang, as Afghanistan fights to hold off the Timorese push. They’ve managed to flip Shwe Yin See and Maw Hteik here, but the latter is in a very tenuous position. Timor-Leste is also launching a major assault on Jianye, though the city hasn’t taken any damage yet. A lone Afghan Bio-Titan is trying to flip Wanchanshu, but its quest is most likely futile. Still, neither side has a decisive advantage here just yet, and it doesn’t seem like Afghanistan is ready to collapse quite yet.
Speaking of minor powers holding their ground, Mali has managed to completely eliminate the Turkish counter-offensive in the Sahara, recapturing Pristina, Benguela, and even Moundou in the process. There are no Turkish units anywhere in this shot, while Mali’s carpet is still looking fairly impressive relative to their competition. Further south, Mali is also organizing a counter-attack on Malanje, and while the Timorese Bio-Titans are significantly stronger than Mali’s Power Armor Infantry, they’re also horribly outnumbered. Mali certainly isn’t in the same league as their opponents here, but they’ve certainly proven that one of the most enduring rules of the CBR still holds true: never underestimate an African underdog.
The Arapaho have finally taken Tsaxis, reducing the Gokturks to only two cities… neither of which are currently in any real danger. Instead, the Arapaho forces seem to be preparing to retake Ongi from the Mohave. The city is still guarded quite well by a squadron of Biotroopers, but will they stand a chance against the mighty Nexus? Only time will tell. Further south, meanwhile, Afghanistan is tearing into Chenxian, and Hamhung has been bombed almost into nonexistence.
Avi Mota has done it! They’ve retaken Nar Le, securing their original second city from the Tuvan invaders and bringing themselves up to a ridiculous seven cities! It’s not like they’re even close to being done, either - Chorasmia is already taking damage, and there are plenty of Mohave Biotroopers left. Call me crazy, but I don’t think we’ve seen Avi Mota peak just yet.
Unfortunately, we’ll have to wait until next episode to see the continuation of Avi Mota’s rampage, because we’re ending this episode with a shot of a minor Mohave L. The Pacific island city of Qapotaq-Iv’auve, not far from the new Mohave capital of Avi Hamoka, has fallen to a lone Timorese Biotrooper. There aren’t many units out here, and Timor-Leste doesn’t seem likely to make any further gains in this region any time soon, but it’s still a fairly unsettling sign of things to come if the Mohave don’t step up their defenses around these islands. Inca Hawaii is also looking quite terrifying.
That’s all for tonight’s episode! Thank you for reading, and be sure to tune in next time as Total War continues to shift the balance of power throughout the cylinder. Until then, though, I’ve been u/daXfactorz or NopeCopter, and thanks for reading. (Oh, and if you look at the minimap, you’ll notice that Great Ming is in fact still alive. Have fun, Power Rankers!)