Keep appeasing the Divines

1: Fatalism

Hello, hello, hello. I am ThyReformer - former narrator, current narrator, future narrator. It is inevitable. Hope you enjoy this specific narration. As usual, there shall be no peeking ahead.

2: Yeowch!

Khoshuts portrayed accurately by ExplosiveWatermelon. That is to say, lobotomized.

3: Dogpile

Last episode, Maguindanao got dogpiled. Usually, these dogpiles don’t involve too many relevant war declarations, but Maguindanao has managed to end up with three relevant wars: Wahgi, Zheng, and Noongar. Siam is here too, technically available to send the occasional trireme over to say “I’m helping!”, but let’s be realistic, nobody’s counting them here. Anyway, the comic’s by Orangechrisy.

4: I love Coiot ♥️

Thank you to those who support CBRX monetarily.

5: Magnificent Maguindanao

The advantage of being a ranker myself, I can just peep WIP versions. To keep the theme, I’m going to showcase the biggest fall in the PRs: Maguindanao.

6: Faith won’t silence the dogs of war

Alright, now onto action. In South East Asia, wars that aren’t the Maguindanao dogpile are pretty sluggish. Dai Viet’s wars against Singapore and Siam are mostly a matter of draining the already limited resources of the civ more focused on religion. Last episode, Singapore had managed to bring Bac Giang down to yellow health, but this seems to have been a mere fluke.

To the east, we see Zheng currently in control of Ubon Ratchathani. Maguindanao won’t be miraculously taking the city back any time soon.

7: Vultures, I tell you

In Southern Africa, in the two-front war that is Ndongo vs Eswatini, Malkerns is knocked below half health while Nhlagano remains at full health. Multiple settlers eagerly observe the siege of Malkerns, hoping it gets burnt down.

08: Looking up at the stars

Selkups continue to half-heartedly poke at Kazakhstan, but on account of Kazakhstan no longer having other opponents to worry about, I wouldn’t give much odds of anything happening here.

Paul César Helleu was a French painter of the Belle Époque, best known for his portraits. He apparently also conceived the ceiling mural of night sky constellations at the Grand Central Terminal in New York City. That’s pretty neat.

09: goddammit

Welp, fuck me I guess. Ubon Ratchathani flips again anyway. Miracles DO happen twice, it appears. Other than that, Mag is kind of holding out, though Kuta Watu is still under siege. We’re reaching the point where city strengths are way above triremes’ paygrade, so I don’t think it’s inconceivable that Mag will hold on to most of the empire here.

10: Peace on the Pontic Steppe

A 50+ turn long war comes to an end as Kalmyks and Makhnovia make peace. This was another war where the main consequence was draining both civs’ resources. This was especially significant for the Kalmyks, whose capital got flipped, potentially because some Kalmyk units got dedicated towards the Makhnovian meat grinder.

But wait, what’s that notification…?

11: I’ve waited for this day for so long

HAHAHAHA! At long last, the beleaguered city of Kanawagas falls! Mexico has done what Osage could not. This alone makes this episode a good one in my books.

Mexico makes another good move by achieving peace with Pueblo. Anyone with half a braincell could see that that war was going nowhere after that one-tile island fell to Pueblo. Ideally, Mexico and Pueblo can now start building up to beat up more reasonable targets - such as Taino and Osage, respectively.

12: Great diplomat

Rio Grande hears about this thing called ‘peace’ and decides to try it out. To his credit, it actually works pretty well, because one of the peace deals is with Tiwanaku, one of the main threats to Rio Grande’s sovereignty. Of course, they still have New Holland and Bora-Bora to contend with, so I’d still bet on the Rio Grande core to get overrun, but we’ll have to wait and see on that one.

13: Absolute DOGSHIT diplomat

HUH??? Well, apparently Seneca was the next to hear about ‘peace’ and decided to try it out too. Unfortunately for Seneca, they absolutely suck at it. The successful flip of Kanawagas must’ve shook them to their core, because they give up Genundowa, their most populous city, out of respect mixed with terror. Just when you thought Seneca couldn’t clown out any harder.

But that’s not all that is funny about this slide. Shawnee and Mexico are at WAR, and have only been at odds for a handful of turns. Genundowa’s strength is low enough that even Shawnee’s ancient era army has pretty good odds of snagging the city, which would propel them into the two-city gang for the first time in ages. A truly peculiar turn of events.

14: I love reforming, but I don’t think this is what you need right now

Ume Sami think back on the humiliating war with the Faroes and come to an obvious conclusion: the Ume Sami religion needs reforming. So that’s exactly what they do. Meanwhile, four settlers (three of which are Ume Sami) head for Southern Norway, where one available city spot still remains. Can the English snag the spot?

15: TO VALHALLA!

Ume Sami pick the spectacularly thematic RAGNARÖK reformation belief. Seems that the arrival of merciless plundering vikings from across the sea has inflicted some national trauma. Checks out, though. The idyllic charm of Scandinavia was decimated…there can be no peace hereafter.

As for the actual impact of the belief, well, if the cutoff here isn’t fooling me too hard, Ume Sami are now getting a +1 production (and +1 culture) on tundra and snow, which their empire mostly consists of. That is certainly a significant boost. Time will tell if it will be enough to break the backs of the Viking colonizers.

16: Faith without an object of faith

The prosperous Faroe core in full view.

Francisco de Zurbarán was a 17th century Spanish painter known best for his religious paintings depicting monks, nuns, and martyrs. Faroes’ streak of religious focus without a religion of their own continues.

17: Despoilers

The Hungarian army raids and plunders the Latvian countryside somewhat haphazardly. Whether Liepaja was in actual danger was already debatable, but now Royal Hungary is also splitting up the army to raid Komarom, too. Even with the Latvian defenders being non-existent, I’m not feeling confident in the Hungarian offensive here.

18: You can do better than this

Noongar reminds Maguindanao (and the audience) that they’re in this war too. Tamontaka has lost about a third of its health, the city is not quite as strong as the core Maguindanao cities, and Mag will struggle to reinforce the city. Altogether, I’d give Noongar good odds here, though the attack force seems a bit haphazard. Good thing Wahgi is here to help.

19: So juicy

Bora-Bora shows off their new-fangled carracks. They really are quite shiny. If only they’d put them to use.

Two Tiwanaku settlers and one Bora-Bora settler look for good islands to settle.

20: How’d he end up down here?

While Noongar is partaking in the Maguindanao dogpile, Palawa has been working on getting absolutely STACKED. Just look at the disparity across the border here. Gone are the days of Noongar dominance on land. Noongar ought to be scared.

Palawa looks dominant at sea too, and…wtf, I know someone called Hannu. Anyway, guess he’s leading the Palawan navy now. I can’t find who this is supposed to be, partially because on googling it just turns up Finnish people of this name. One guess I have is that it might be a mistyped Hanno (the Navigator), a Carthaginian explorer who lived during the 5th century BC, known for his naval expedition along the coast of West Africa.

21: The walls close in

As expected, the Rio Grande homeland is on its last legs despite the peace deal with Tiwanaku, as the vice grip of New Holland and Bora-Bora keeps on squeezing. They both want a piece of the pie, and at this point there is surely no way Rio Grande can avoid a grim fate.

22: This kills the narrator

The Shawnee siege of Genundowa gets off to a strong start. I’m still not over how ridiculous this whole turn of events was.

23: My beloved

I am ever-so-thankful for this view of the war in India. (I just love Harappa, okay.) Chandragiri has fallen to yellow health from the Harappan siege, and though the Vijayanagara defenders are doing their best, they are assuredly outnumbered. Multiple Harappan horsemen wait in the flanks, ready to rush in when the city is ripe for taking.

24: Finally, some calm

Bac Giang SOMEHOW falls to yellow health again, but there’s a wrinkle in Singapore’s plan: Dai Viet has made peace with Siam, allowing Dai Viet to focus on Singapore fully. That’s probably it for this pipe dream.

25: Deja vu

Thule has settled on…Vancouver Island, I think this is? Yep, that’s right. The land-based Yellowknives vs the maritime Thule is a fun contrast, but war between the two would be less fun.

Thule has some of their Comp Bow uniques standing around. The Toggling Harpooner can move through ice, and after attacking. It also damages an enemy unit upon moving next to it. Pretty neat thang.

26: Sometimes, trying hard isn’t enough

Welp, looks like you fellas didn’t pray hard enough. Unexpectedly, New Holland snags BOTH of the remaining Rio Grande core cities, thanks to one sneaky trireme. Piratini is likely flipping back and forth one more time, while Cacapava do Sul is most certainly not flipping. Regardless, Rio Grande is now banished to the Antarctic region, and New Holland has come out on top, getting the most out of the Rio Grande collapse. Gotta feel bad for Bora-Bora, though. They tried so hard!

27: I wish Kazan had kept Astrakhan

Judging by the notifications on the side, Rio Grande did indeed flip Piratini back. It’s all about the fight, even if it changes nothing.

For the actual content on the screen, the Afsharid-Bukhara war continues. Elista has taken some damage again, but I don’t see the city falling. Samarkand is healthier, but clearly in more trouble. Shame we do not get to see the Bukharan capital.

28: Overconfidence

Despite my needling (or maybe in spite of it), Noongar flips Tamontaka after all. The Noongar troops head north, high off the excitement of the city flip, but they will find that T’bok is nigh-impregnable. They will know.

29: Faith of the elites

Palawa is next to reform their religion, even though said religion is the majority in only two cities. Let’s see it.

30: These guys really love desert cities

Oh, apparently we won’t get the reformation belief just yet. That’s fine. Mamluks are taking revenge against Rome, sieging Mansoura. Some Roman reinforcements are actually arriving now, but I’d still bet on the Mamluks here.

31: Amiens, the Burning City

Amiens is still getting raided on the regular. At this point it’s just part of the day-to-day activities of the city. A tradition no one dares question. Even if it gets people killed.

32: End of an era

Agüeybaná hears that his settler is about to die from Floridian bombardment, and decides that the war has gone on long enough. Though Taino did get Fort San Carlos from the war, the long slog with no gains that followed was completely uncalled for. Hope it was worth it, Agüeybaná.

To the north, I can just barely see through the UI that Genundowa is almost at 0 health. Expect the notification to come in next turn.

33: You are never truly safe from Ohio’

Huh, how many settlers with 10% health does Taino have? Anyway, the real star of the slide is of course Ohio. No, sorry, that’s Ohio’. The settling of Ohio’ has blocked the barely-alive Taino settler from settling, which is awfully tragic, if the existence of Ohio’ wasn’t nasty enough on its own.

You can also peep the mostly demilitarized Faroe Quebec here.

34: Faith of the elites but you debuff the capital???

Oh, hey, here’s the new Tjukarpa beliefs. Apparently I misread the notification earlier, and they enhanced the religion rather than reforming it. That’s what I get for not actually reading the notification at all.

Palawa has added Kivas and From Giving Hands into Tjukarpa. Kivas seems like a solid religious building with food and production, while From Giving Hands seems to debuff the capital while benefiting all other cities. While Tjuparka remains a religion of like two cities at most, this enhancer belief is pretty much just the debuff, but as the religion grows, it’ll be pretty beneficial. All the more reason to make sure they can compete with the Noongar religion.

35: My favorite

Selkups and Kazakhstan are barely even fighting at this point. Some cavalry skirmishes occur near the Kazakhstani capital.

Good Ole Kirk Christiansen was a Danish carpenter in the 20th century. More importantly, though, he founded the construction toy company Lego in 1932. Now that’s a big man. Selkups are getting a huge advantage here.

36: All-out assault

Samarkand does fall to yellow health, but the Afsharids are having less fortune elsewhere. To begin with, I don’t fully support splitting up your armies to assault THREE cities at once, but I suppose they do have the manpower for it. It’s usually just pretty bad for the AI. We’ll see if Samarkand actually flips.

37: Yum tasty snow

War in the frigid far north continues, as Gogureyo is still streaming units up to beat up Selkups’ snow cities. I could list a few better options, but I guess I can’t be too mad at this proactivity.

A bunch more Selkup settlers wander around, looking for more piles of snow to claim. One such settler is apparently fraternizing with the enemy. Now that’s strange.

38: A spiritual experience

It brings me bliss to see this. Now, I’m a bigger fan of Mexico, by a large margin too, but I do love my underdogs. To see Shawnee at two cities after all this time is nourishment for the soul. It is all I need.

Just a bit to the north, big news arrive: Faroes have declared war on Seneca! It’s a bit of a strange decision, considering the aforementioned demilitarized state of Faroe Quebec. But maybe this is the turning point for the region. Faroes certainly have a good bit of production over here.

Taino joins the war against Seneca too, presumably infuriated by Ohio’.

39: Excuse me?

…I have no words. But I’ll pull something out anyway.

So, after Rio Grande stubbornly flipped Piratini back, seems that Bora-Bora snuck into the city before New Holland could get another chance. In a complete reversal of expectations, New Holland has ended up with Cacapava do Sul, and Bora-Bora has ended up with Piratini. This, of course, makes Bora-Bora the FIRST CIV TO HOLD A FOREIGN CAPITAL.

Well, very very likely, anyway. The 1HP Rio Grande horseman may flip the city one more time, but I do feel skeptical. Important to know here is the actual turn order of the civs, where Bora-Bora is the SECOND civ in turn order, after only the observer civ and Bavaria, meaning Bora-Bora should have no trouble clearing out the maimed horseman.

40: Frustrated yet?

Gogureyo adds another insult towards Ikko-Ikki with the settling of Wiryeseong. Excited for the day when Ikko-Ikki finally snaps. Right now wouldn’t be the worst time, when the whole of the Gogureyo army is campaigning for snow. But maybe I’d go for the Pueblo city first.

Gerald Gardner was an English Wiccan from the late 19th/early 20th centuries, known as the ‘father of witchcraft’. He was an author, an amateur anthropologist, and an archaeologist. Seems like an interesting figure.

41: Stacked, buff, etc.

Saba-D’mt looking real good here. Excited to see how far they can push the next golden age they get. Also excited to see when they’ll use all these goddamn troops for something other than vaguely harassing Kanem-Bornu. Because I do NOT support just sitting on your ass.

42: Hope they Fare well hohohoho

New Bora-Bora city: Fare! Another Bora-Bora settler has popped out of the capital, too. The Tiwanaku settlers, in the meantime, have achieved nothing.

43: Imagine I’m sighing wistfully, thinking about the Bora-Bora Empire

There was some debate about whether there was a Wahgi navy hiding here, just out of view. Well, that solves that debate. There are essentially zero defenders here, should Bora-Bora decide to take advantage of Wahgi’s Maguindanao-related distraction. The technological advantage taking the form of carracks (and hopefully galleasses, soon) would make a naval campaign against Wahgi devastating. I could see at least four cities falling before Wahgi could muster enough of a defense to stalemate against the far stronger carracks. But alas. Bora-Bora seems to care more about South America. Still, a man can dream.

Coco Chanel is here. Everyone probably knows Coco Chanel. But still: Gabrielle Bonheur “Coco” Chanel was a French fashion designer and businesswoman in the early 20th century. She was the founder and namesake of the Chanel brand.

44: Settler rush, too

Further west, Maguindanao is still holding on. Wahgi isn’t actually even committing all that hard to this war, which is a bit odd. There’s a lot of units just hanging back on Papua. Maybe they know what’s up.

45: Halfway point intermission

The Gulf of Mexico is Mexico’s dominion. How apt.

46: Girlboss moment

The woman leading the siege of Genundowa to victory for Shawnee is Tribhuwana Wijayatunggadewi, the 14th century queen regnant of Majapahit, and Majapahit’s third monarch. She has certainly brought great glory and prestige to the struggling Shawnee.

47: Hold!

Another brief intermission for some maps. Political map here. It’s not been shown (I think), but Pueblo did settle Hawaii. We also see that Ume Sami was the one to settle Southern Norway. Rome is in control of Mansoura. Ndongo holds Malkerns. Vijayanagar holds Chandragiri.

48: National collapse

Bukhara and Maguindanao are naturally the declining civs here. Dzungars and Mogadishu are stagnant, though they really shouldn’t be. And Tiwanaku is booming? Fair enough. (Wonder what exactly these mean. Could be connected to happiness, but then what does booming mean? Mysterious.)

49: Gilded

Welp, not based on happiness, cuz that’s a separate mapmode. We have just a few unhappy civs at the moment, but it’s good to remember that civs fluctuate a lot, and on any given turn, many civs could be moving back and forth from happy to unhappy to happy. Anyway, we have Ikko-Ikki, Thule, and Taino unhappy at the moment. A handful of civs across Afro-Eurasia are in a golden age. Interestingly, no one in the Americas is in a golden age, unless you count the Faroes.

50: Death spiral

And then civs that are struggling with gold. The scale is a bit difficult to read, but I think Rozvi, Eswatini, and Finns are bankrupt, while Royal Hungary, Makhnovia, Kalmyks, Dai Viet, Maguindanao, Crow, Shawnee, and Seneca are losing gold. Maybe Rio Grande too. Gold deficits are critical, as they linearly cause science deficits. This means that civs that are already down, stay down.

51: Wartorn

Most of the cylinder is at war. Not everyone is waging a relevant war though, mind. But the completely peaceful civs are still interesting. Visigoths, Alaouites, Sierra Leone, Finns, Kalmyks, and Siam. The concentration of peace in West Africa is especially fun.

52: Population

I don’t know if I should narrate these stat slides. Wahgi is at the top here, but Faroes have more real pop. Still, Wahgi is catching up to Faroes in tech, which is noteworthy.

53: Production

Faroes lead in production. Competitors are 100 production behind.

54: One of the top dogs

A view of the populous and productive Gogureyo empire. They were one of the latest adopters of Writing, which kept them back a bit - and they still have been in the top 10 for a while. Remarkable in its own right, though of course stupid.

55: Military

Armies of the world tell a bit of a different story, though Faroes are still top 5 here. Dzungars stick out like a sore thumb here. What are you going to use those troops on?

56: Not one of the top dogs

Speak of the devil. The Dzungar society is heavily militarized, but breaking out of the Tarim Basin has proven difficult. Wars against Khoshuts, Kazakhstan, and now Bukhara have achieved little (though Khoshuts did kindly give away a city to make up for it a little). It is hard to imagine that Dzungars would get much out of a war against Shang or Selkups, either. Now, Mongolia, on the other hand…now that could be poggers, if you’ll pardon my french. Dzungars haven’t necessarily been lacking in proactivity, so maybe such a war is on the horizon.

57: Treasury

Gogureyo is apparently not only productive and populous, but also fucking loaded. They have the most gold on the cylinder by a massive margin. These reserves of wealth may very well never dry up.

58: Faith

Siam is the faith leader, despite being a mere follower in the religious game, as the nation is subsumed by the Dai Viet faith. I figure they don’t have as much to spend the faith on, since they don’t get anything out of spreading the religion themselves. All the more faith to spend on great people, come the industrial era.

59: Faiths Georg

Aforementioned faith giant. Looking forward to a war between Siam and Singapore, honestly.

60: Religion overview!

Religion overview! Dai Viet’s religion, Mahayana, takes over China like a wildfire. Sucks for the Khoshuts. Africa is split three ways, while Europe mostly consists of pantheons, sans Fennoscandia and Iberia. Kalmyk and Ikko-Ikki faiths will probably be the main competitors for Mahayana. North America is split in twine, with the Puebloan faith looking to dominate most of the continent.

61: Wall formation

Back to action proper. While we weren’t looking, Royal Hungary brough Liepaja down to red health, but a wall of Latvian swordsmen has appeared to defend the city, making capture quite difficult. Komarom fares better. It is a less valuable target, even though it is originally Hungarian.

62: On the brink…

Malkerns is so very low, but Eswatini has run out of ships - or rather, they have been sent west to defend Nhlagano. Can the embarked units finish the job? The situation around Nhlagano looks rough, but the defenders seem to still have the situation under control. Embarked units are easy prey.

63: Admirable Admiral

Maguindanao’s troubles continue. Wahgi ships terrorize the shipping lanes between Simuay and Lamitan. There’s little else that 10 strength units can do against cities with 32 or 28 strength.

The tiniest possible Zheng fleet bothers Kuta Watu. Olaf Rudolf Cederström, the man in charge of the fleet, sails up the city harbor with no warships for protection. Brave man. IRL he was Swedish naval commander in the late 18th/early 19th centuries. He mostly fought against the Russians, making him certainly admirable.

Somehow, a Maguindanao settler has snuck past Wahgi to head northeast, to these as of yet unsettled islands.

64: Humiliated

A view of the Nivkh empire, if you can call it that. After two fruitless wars against Gogureyo, belief in Nivkh couldn’t be lower. Sure, they took Honsho-Ji from Ikko-Ikki, but the city was defenseless, it doesn’t count. At this point, I don’t see them making significant gains against any neighbor. After Gogureyo claimed Sakhalin, Nivkh’s capital became almost surrounded by Gogureyo. And all of said Gogureyo land is undefended too, to add insult to injury.

65: The uncrowned king of the Moluccas

Turgut Reis watches on from the recently-ish settled city of Kombulno. In the anarchistic chaos of the Maguindanao dogpile, Wahgi influence has been able to stretch all the way across the Moluccas, to what I think is an island representing Timor. IRL, Turgut Reis was an Ottoman corsair, naval commander, governor, and noble who extended the Ottoman Empire's maritime power across North Africa. Turgut has been referred to as “the greatest pirate warrior of all time,” and he was known by the nickname “the Drawn Sword of Islam.” That’s pretty badass. I have to imagine he’s been similarly crucial to the expansion of Wahgi power in the region here.

Actually, speaking of Islam, Mogadishu has apparently sent a great prophet all the way to Singapore. Odd choice, but I’m not complaining about the theming going on here.

66: Battle for Quebec

The Seneca-Faroes war is looking pretty unimpressive so far, but you’ve gotta give it time. Faroes need to build an entire army from scratch, and Seneca is just slow. The terrain is also just pure forest, which will be rough. But I’m certain we’ll see some excitement here eventually!

67: All or nothing

Well, that’s concerning. New Holland warships are streaming towards the Antarctic colonies of Rio Grande which everyone (probably) thought were going to be safe. It’s hard to say as of yet if New Holland will commit enough units to take a city (or multiple), but for now the possibility remains very real.

68: Dejection

The Taino settler, blocked from settling Newfoundland, heads further north. At this rate, they’ll end up settling inland Greenland…

69: Dejection v2

A similar story has played out in Europe. The settling of Midtja blocked the English settler. This one hits harder, personally.

70: Burning (more)

Amiens, the Burning City, has actually taken a good chunk of damage this turn. The Faroe fleet is much weaker now than it was before, though, so I don’t think it matters. Meanwhile, an Alaouite settler lands on Iberia, even though they surely know full well that there’s no available tile to settle over there.

71: Conga!

A congaline of Faroe triremes is making the trek over to the New World to beat up the two coastal Seneca cities.

72: Everybody knows that it's me or you

Samarkand falls! The Unconquerable Bukharan Spirit has finally broken! Afsharids troops continue on to surround and besiege the capital of the collapsing Bukharan nation, and everybody knows…there is no coming back from this.

73: Zoom

Palawa completes Nan Madol on the Australian mainland. This medieval era wonder gives +1 Food, Gold and Production to Sea Tiles worked by this city - a great wonder for any coastal city. Pataway will benefit, though of course an actual island city would’ve been even better off.

74: D-D-D-Duel!

Two settlers enter, only one will get to settle. A tragedy for the ages. The good news is, there’s still plenty of one tile islands available around. Even the Tiwanaku settler obscured by the Nan Madol notification should be able to settle.

75: Desert Darlings

Well, CLEARLY I gave too much credit to the Mamluks. Rome holds onto Mansoura with just a few units. Kanem-Bornu is walking through the desert for some reason, and might actually have contributed to the Mamluk incompetence here, as Mamluks and Kanem-Bornu are at war. Or they should be, at least - they were at the end of the last episode, and I haven’t seen a peace deal notification. Would fool me though. The Kanem-Bornu army is peacefully marching past Minya, supposedly to attack Damanhur. Bold move cotton, let’s see if it pays out.

76: Also, nice bordergore

The Snow War is about as frozen in place as you might expect. Varsed is still held by the Selkups. I wonder what happened to that Selkup settler that was fraternizing with the enemy. Maybe it willingly joined Gogureyo. What a story that would be.

77: Devastated beyond recognition

Singapore manages to smack one more city onto Borneo. Lamitan and Kuta Watu have both taken a non-insignificant chunk of damage, but it’s hard to tell if these offensives are sustainable for Zheng and Wahgi. The real damage here is to Simuay, which has starved down to 8 pop now. That’s brutal. Let me say it again: Everybody knows…

Oh, yeah, and Singapore is still navally sieging the inland city of Bac Giang, in case you were eagerly waiting for a status report on that.

78: End of the world

And on our last slide, we see the Faroe navy begin to deal damage to Ohio’. Truly doing god’s work here, even if they don’t know who god is. I hope they find out some day. Destroying Ohio’ surely gets you a place in heaven, and I’d hate to see good deeds go to waste.

That’s it, friends. The end of CBRX4 Episode 12 is upon ye. Much like the plague. So keep safe. Until next week.

79: Past the end of the world

Sike! We still have like a dozen slides left. There’s like a whole day between the preceding narration and the last bit. The zip ate some of the slides and so I’m writing this two hours before the ep drops.

Regardless. I see that Nivkh didn’t enjoy my lack of belief, so they’re heading south to siege Hokkaido. But six triremes - most of them damaged - probably isn’t enough to take the city, especially with catapults raining fire down on the ships. Reinforcements seem sparse, too.

80: pensive emoji

I am SO disappointed. Harappa gives up on Chandragiri, and peace is made. I guess it could be worse, though. Looks like Harappa wasn’t actually making progress on the siege, and the city had basically healed to full health. So it wasn’t a case of giving up on a city you were about to capture. But that doesn’t mean I’m not disappointed!

I see a few other relevant peace deals on the sidebar as well…

81: Tech matters

The wall of swords proved too imposing for Royal Hungary to break through, and thus they have agreed to peace. Disappointing for Hungary fans, I’m sure. Fresh off the victory against Pontus, another victory against Latvia (or at least evening the score, now with the loss of Komarom the war is just a flat out loss) would’ve been great. Momentum is important, and Hungary did give up on momentum here, first and foremost.

82: petropavl

Selkups almost look like they’ve worked themselves up for another offensive against Kazakhstan, but Kazakhstan looks to have plenty of defenders. I’m not certain a continued war is worth the trouble.

To the south, we see the state of the Afsharid-Bukhara border as peace is made between the two. Afsharids end the war in possession of Samarkand, but VERY SADLY gave up on the city of Bukhara itself. Depressing. But it’s something for the Afsharids that have been struggling to get good outcomes out of conflict.

Oh yeah, and Kazakhstan manages to find a spot for a new city. Kind of unexpected, considering how full the region felt.

83: Bro said no more

Remember when we saw that West Africa was one of the few bastions of peace on the cylinder? Well, fuck that, says Sierra Leone. War between Sierra Leone and Alaouites is back on the table. The rivalry is reignited, and Sierra Leone is probably looking to take back Kenema, which would be pretty sad for Alouites, who spent so much to take the city in the first place. Going any further than that might not be in the cards for Sierra Leone, considering the mountain passes they’d have to slip through to hit Marrakech or Rabat. And I’m not seeing much naval development on Sierra Leone’s part, though units could be hiding off-screen to the south.

Oh yeah, and Rome is involved too. They really like these African wars.

84: Bloodlust

Rio Grande fans should be very concerned right about now. Admittedly, the New Holland fleet is already pretty damaged, but the city is so exposed by sea that this might just be enough. And if this city falls, the other two are likely to fold too - we recall from an earlier slide that the other two cities have half-ish combat strength compared to Pelotas. Equivalent to a trireme, that is to say. If Pelotas falls, Rio Grande would need to come up with a magical peace deal to avoid oblivion.

85: I keep on doing this

Well, alright, Selkups take my advice and close this chapter of history with a peace deal. The war was fairly prolonged, but they did get a city off of their primary rival, and participated in a coalition that weakened said rival a fair bit, so I’d call that a decisive victory, even if it doesn’t appear all that decisive.

86: At least their borders are satisfying

Here’s Visigoths. They’re statistically speaking pretty alright. That’s been the case for the whole game so far, actually. I specify ‘statistically speaking’ because this civ looks like it should be about 40th. They’ve also repeatedly failed to take advantage of vulnerable neighbors. Those stats mean nothing if they can’t convert them into military victories. Stay on this track, and you’ll amount to nothing but sacrifices, Leovigild.

87: Joy is cut short

They hate to see him having a good time. Osage, seeing that Shawnee is no longer a city-state, decide that now is a great time to reignite the age-old rivalry. Hm, seems to be a bit of a trend. By all means, Osage should be able to achieve a decisive victory here, thanks to a numerical and technological advantage. Not to mention the production advantage which will only weigh more and more as the war goes on. Truly miserable.

Anthony von Diemen was the Governor-General of the Dutch East Indies in the 17th century. Here he’ll probably get to govern the Occupied Shawnee Territory.

88: Teehee

A view of the Pontic Empire. Pontic struggles against Royal Hungary and Qarmatians drained much of the empire’s resources, but now things are looking better, and they are recovering statistically too, re-entering the top half last episode. I eagerly await their next move. Perhaps a vengeful attack on the Qarmatians?

89: Just DO IT

Here’s the Pueblo, who are still settling cities, the newest of which is Kawaika. They’ve been infilling nicely, which will boost their already stable position in the top 5. From here, the next move is obvious - attack Osage while they’re busy ruining Shawnee’s fun. Mo-he-ag-gra is practically undefended, and from there Ni-o-sho-de is a short trek away. Dominating the great plains was never this easy. (note: probably a lie)

90: Dreams

We end the episode (this time for real) with Nivkh, who’ve now decided to split their fleet of 6 triremes between two targets. Wait, no, 7 triremes. And a unique unit. Really not generating any good-will here. Miyukizaka at least is more exposed, less strong, and has less defending units. But alas, overconfidence…

Well, that’s actually it this time. Episode 12 is over. I was ThyReformer, and still am, actually. Rejoin for more CBRX next week. Adios.

Keep appeasing the Divines – S4

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