Civ Battle Royale July 09, 2024
yaampa
The balance of power shifts ever further as new powers rise to new heights, and the greats of old fall to new lows.
Hello everyone, and welcome to another riveting episode of the Civilization Battle Royale X, Season 4!
I, ItsTruckMonth, former shitposter and now subreddit lurker, will be your host for tonight’s events. Without further delay, let’s get on with the show!
BoraBora, Bora Bora Bora! Bora Bora Bora, Bora Bora Bora…
(our OC submission comes from u/Orangechrisy! It's always more fun to work as a group, so long as you’re not carrying the team…)
Our other OC comes from u/Sonicfan0511 who has made a great map showcasing the holdings of all combatants, as well as highlighting the risk that Ohio presents…
As per usual, a massive shoutout to our Ko-Fi supporters! Your generosity is what keeps this show going!
Our PR slide for the week shows Shang’s rapid fall from grace, slipping from 4th to 17th in the span of an episode! Will Shang be able to recover from these losses? Only one way to find out!
We start this episode hot in the Pacific as Bora Bora takes the island cities of Wiracochapampa and Cajamarquilla off Tiwanaku’s hands.
Bora Bora has quite the navy lying in wait, could Bora Bora connect their island chain to their mainland colonies?
A shot of the Khoshuts shows a dense field of units with not many options. The geography makes any campaign against the Dzungars (minus Lhasa for obvious reasons), Shang or Dai Viet a meat grinder, and Siam has quite the tech advantage. Perhaps joining the Afsharids in carving up Harappa would be the play here?
They also end a nothingburger war with Bukhara.
Eswatini decides to switch their government to a Monarchy, hoping that some new managerial practice can turn this war around.
I don’t know how that’s gonna salvage any attempt to take back Nhlagano from Ndongo but hey let them cook. Maybe they won’t give up Malkerns in a peace deal again.
Mogadishu and Kanem-Bornu make peace, though not that it matters given they have a whole Saba-D’mt between them.
Latvia takes Kyzylorda from the Kazakhs, and by those embarked units it seems they’re targeting Oral next.
That said, Kazan could halt any further advance by the Latvians as they pile units on Oskemen’s borders. The Kazakh looting race is now in full swing!
A calm reprieve just north of the absolute tomfuckery going on in South America shows the cores of both the Taino and Mexico’s Caribbean holdings.
Speaking of said absolute tomfuckery, here’s Tiwanaku getting jumped by essentially all of their neighbors!
Ecuador looks to take first blood on land as they pour horsemen onto Lukurmata, I expect this to be an absolute bloodbath. Meanwhile, the New Holland front is at a complete standstill.
Auguste Rodin brings his artistic talents to New Holland, hoping to create pieces filled with intricate details and deep meanings.
If only one of those hidden messages was “Hey guys we should probably put some effort into the Tiwanaku war don’t you all think?”
Herat falls back to the Kazakhs, though I expect it to flip multiple times.
Looking to its north, we get a sneak peek into the absolute hell the Kazakhs are going to have to endure, given the carpets of Selkup, Dzungar, and Kazan units ready to flood into Kazakh lands. May the sub have mercy on Nursultan.
Tangiers falls to Sierra Leone, but with one horseman adjacent and two archers nearby, there is a shot the Alaouites could retake it. However, as units surround the city of Marrakesh, the momentum is shifting ever more in Peters’s direction.
In one of the boldest (and dumbest) settles that I have ever seen, Dai Viet settles Thai Nguyen in Palawan.
Unfortunately, Tran Thanh Tong must have the memory of a goldfish as he completely forgets he is at war with Singapore, who immediately brings the city to half health.
An absolute masterclass in settlement planning by Dai Viet.
Roman and Kanem troops race to see who can take Cairo first, as the last Mamluk troops attempt to fight off the invasion.
The whistle of Death grows ever louder for Shajar al-Durr
Bora Bora seems adamant about expanding their South American domain, sending their vast fleet east. Thus the Wilcawain campaign is left to a singular galley.
To Puni, there are much, MUCH bigger fish to fry.
Dai Viet finish construction on the Himeji Castle, which provides +15% combat strength for units in friendly territory.
Given their situation with Singapore, as well as any potential wars against Zheng or Siam, this could be an instrumental wonder when paired with their rugged terrain.
We move to Western Europe where we see how screwed Burgundy may be: England is on the cusp of taking Amiens, the Visigoths are slowly but surely piling units onto their former city of Asturica, and Bavaria is moving towards their capital.
Burgundy may be able to get out of this through some quick peace deals, but any chance they have of competing for Europe is long gone now.
The Noongar-Palawa war has ground to a halt, with sparse units and small skirmishes dotting the borders of the Australian outback. A small fleet attempts to take Pinjarra, but it will most likely be in vain.
Jerramungup lies uneasy in the presence of a hungry Singaporean fleet to the Northwest.
The Qarmatians slowly moved their troops to attack Tamna, but the treacherous terrain and ranged units on the opposing end of the Red Sea makes things difficult for the invaders.
All the while Saba-D’mt is sending a settler over the Red Sea into the frontlines. Are they pulling from the Dai Viet playbook of frontline settling?
Speaking of settling, Palawa takes the time to finish colonizing New Zealand, setting up the new cities of Patinamana in the North and Mayntranga in the South.
Not like much is happening in the Noongar war anyway.
On the topic of wars that have something going, Zheng takes Lamitan and immediately puts it to the flame. A couple of Maguindanao units could contest it for a bit. Up North, both Zheng and Wahgi troops begin to siege the capital.
Thai Nguyen is on death’s door, holding onto the slimmest of health bars.
Zheng is finding similar success in their ongoing war with Shang, as they begin to siege the mountain city of Qingliangang.
The Shang carpet to their North is intimidating but seems oblivious to the fact that there is a war going on.
Both the Selkups and Dzungars race towards the Kazakh capital of Astana, and begin their siege of the city
Astana is not the only prize to these two aspiring empires, as the Selkups also target Karaganda and Pavlodar, and the Dzungars eye Petropavl. Kazan, also in this war, bides their time.
A shot of Goguryeo’s core shows a dense army heading towards Selkup lands in the Northwest, who they are at war with.
A bold move to leave their flank against Shang barren though.
Bora Bora continues their island hopping campaign by attacking Machaca, their last stop before a potential attack of the Tiwanaku mainland.
With a barren fleet, Tiwanaku stands no chance of holding this city barring a peace deal or some classic AI incompetence.
Let’s start with the good news for Burgundy: They’ve made peace with Bavaria without giving up any additional cities, and the Visigoths, while ever present, are botching an invasion of Asturica.
Bad news: Amiens has fallen to the English (though they’ll likely flip it), and Burgundy’s slowly running out of troops.
It's a tiny reprieve, but nothing more.
Zheng joins Wahgi in settling the Northern Marianas Islands, settling the city of Changhua just north of the most recent Waghi of Pogera, with another settler en route.
As expected, Thai Nguyen falls to Singapore, and with a single, low-health Vietnamese unit being the only thing able to retake the city at this moment, Singapore looks to hold on firmly.
Lamitan, despite taking a little damage, remains in Zheng's hands
Things go from bad to worse for Shang as the Mongol hordes descend onto Xiaotun, and a smaller regiment breaks off towards Old Sarai.
Outside of Yuanjunmiao and Yinxu, the Shang carpet is starting to look worryingly thin.
A brief shot of Northern Canada sees the distant Puebloan settlement of P’iwweltha take some slight damage from what could only be described as the supernatural beasts of the Canadian shield (but in reality was almost certainly a Thule trireme)
Moving down to the Puebloan mainland shows exactly why they’re a top dog in North America, with an expansive empire and an impressive carpet to match.
That power seems to be going to Po’pay’s head, as he plots against another top civ in Goguryeo.
A quick look at the Espionage Overview shows our sub’s singular spy, Ishtar, stationed in the Bora Bora city of Piratini.
But no offense ya’ll don’t really care for this right? Yeah, let’s get back to the good stuff.
As expected, Amiens falls back to Burgundy, but I expect multiple flips here.
The Visigoths continue to fumble the bag in conquering Asturica.
Herat falls back to Bukhara but looks to flip even more.
Meanwhile, the Selkups and Dzungars have brought Astana down to the yellow, with the Selkups also moving towards the cities of Semey and Karaganda.
Cairo begins to take the first bits of damage from Roman and Kanem units. The Mamluks, lacking any melee units, watch on in horror, unable to salvage this war.
On the brightside, Damietta looks pretty safe from any opposing forces at the moment.
The Middle East is ablaze (and the sky is blue) as the Afsharids continue their flipfest in Mehrgarh, and bring the city of Dholavira is brought down to the yellow. Harappa will need to sue for peace now in order to salvage anything from this war.
Meanwhile, the Qarmatians and Vijayanagara put up their dukes on the high seas off the coast of Oman.
We get a look at the Selkups UU: the Skewbald Rider
This Knight replacement has -1 movement, but gets +1 movement for each adjacent Fresh Water tile. They also get +20% combat strength when starting their turn in the territory of an allied city-state or declared friend, and they start with the Amphibious promotion.
While these bonuses may not apply in the siege of Astana, they could be a boon in the blitz of any other Kazakh targets.
Herat falls back to Kazakhstan, who maintain a slightly more secure hold due to an immediate lack of Bukharan melee units.
They also secure peace with the Afsharids, relinquishing the Kalmyk city of Elista in the process.
Ecuador takes the initiative and fills Tiwanaku’s lands with horsemen, archers, and pikemen. That said, they have done little in sieging Tiwanaku cities, only damaging Lukurmata slightly.
Meanwhile, New Holland has put little effort into this war, allowing Ecuador the opportunity to gain massive leverage on the continent.
Tangier falls back to the Alaouties, though Sierra Leone won’t give it up without a fight.
Speaking of not putting up a fight, the Marrakesh front has not moved whatsoever.
A dual pair of Palawa and Singaporean triremes (featuring special guest Mogadishu) attempt to attack the Western Noongar cities of Jerramungup and Katter Kich.
Noongar is on the offensive in other areas, however, as they strike at Minj in the North.
New Holland’s laziness has come back to bite them in the ass, as Tiwanaku lay siege to their newly acquired city of Cacapavo do Sul.
Tiwanaku won’t stop there though, as troops also move towards the former Riograndese capital of Piratini.
In an absolute shocker, Dai Viet can retake Thai Nguyen from Singapore with a lone trireme! Not only that, but the Singaporeans have pulled back what’s left of their immediate navy to their waters!
Talk about a fumble, the Visigoths would be envious!
Amiens falls back to the English, all the while Burgundy’s forces thin out ever further.
The Visigoths are STILL fumbling the invasion of Asturica.
Cairo is now at zero health. Rome has two swordsmen in reach from the North. Kanem has a swordsman and horseman in reach from the South.
It all comes down to turn order…
The Mongols surround Xiaotun and bring it down to the red, and have brought more units to attack Old Sarai.
The Shang carpet has thinned out, its forces strung thin between two opposing fronts.
And to the turn advantage go the spoils, as Rome takes Cairo. With no Mamluk units to contest it, they now maintain a solid holding in North Africa.
The last Mamluk city is now directly threatened by some understandably furious Kanem troops.
The Faroes-Seneca war continues as the former brings an army down upon Kayahsuto’ke, with another regiment focusing on retaking the city of Sandur.
A majority of Seneca’s forces remain to guard Ganondagan.
The Afsharids comfortably take Dholayira and push towards the crown gel of the Harappan capital of… Harappa.
Mehgarh looks poised to flip again to the Afsharids.
The Romans, satisfied with their gains, make peace with the rumped Mamluks, who are left an irrelevant city-state on the coast of the Red Sea.
Kanem-Bornu’s troops seem to lack any interest in finishing them off. There truly are fates far worse than death.
For some reason, Shang is on the shitlist of the entire Scandinavian and Baltic regions, as the Ume Sami, Finns and Latvia all declare war.
Not that it matters, but still funny nonetheless.
Oh my God, the Visigoths have done a thing: they brought Asturica down to the yellow. Sure they refuse to move any troops in Catalonia over to help but progress is progress.
In other news, England holds on to Amiens.
Cacapava do Sul falls to Tiwanaku, who immediately put the city to the torch and turn their attention towards Paratini.
New Holland is still asleep it seems.
Bare witness to the final days of Maguidanao, as the capital falls to Zheng, and Lamitan is firmly in the latter’s grasp.
T’bok, guarded by the last vestiges of the Maguidanao military, remains their final holdout.
Zheng continues to have everything go their way, as they bring Qingliangang to the red, all the while Shang’s military is asleep at the wheel.
Given the dense carpet around Anyang and rough terrain surrounding Xixiahou, this will most likely be their only gain in this war.
Bora Bora takes Machaca and burn it down, though the lone Tiwanaku carrack adjacent could briefly take back the city. A brief setback for what will inevitably be the Bora Bora invasion of Omo.
Perhaps Asturica’s resistance may not be owed to the incompetence of the Visigoths, but rather the tactical genius of the Burgundian great general, Josip Broz Tito?
Considering the Visigoth’s sheer number advantage, yeah no its definitely their incompetence.
Kazan comes to remind us that they are, in fact, involved in the “Fuck Kazakhstan” coalition, as they take Oskemen in the Arctic.
A double headed insult, as it blocks any progress Latvia could make in this war, as they settle with bringing Oral to its knees.
Xiaotun falls as Shang remains asleep at the wheel. The carpets around the now frontline cities of Banpo and Yuanjunmiao look concerningly thin.
The Mongols now turn their full attention to reclaiming Old Sarai.
Seems that the new government in Eswatini is doing wonders, as they make peace with Ndongo without giving up a city this time!
Things are looking up for Eswatini (they’re still screwed but give them something at least)
Nader Shah has gotten annoyed with the constant flipping of Mehrgarh, and pushes to decisively capture the city. Harappa can wait for now.
Down south, Vijayanagara brings more ships to attack the Qarmatians.
Herat flips back to the Kazakhs again, which means that things are surely looking up for them!
Well, as long as you ignore Astana on its last legs, Selkup units approaching Karaganda, Petropavl being attacked by the Dzungars, Kazan waking up and Bukhara more than likely taking back Herat come their turn.
Shang: “What could be worse than a two fronts!?”
Ikko Ikki and Goguryeo: “Oh we know!”
*declare war*
“FOUR FRONTS!”
Noongar can breathe a bit easier as they make peace with both Wahgi and Singapore, leaving them to only face Palawa in the Great Australian meatgrinder.
Up north, T’bok remains unscathed, for now.
Peace also comes to the Red Sea, as the Qarmatians and Saba-D’mt make peace, with no land exchanged.
Had the Qarmatians put more effort, the Arabian peninsula would be far more green.
Qingliangang falls to Zheng, though the war will most likely fizzle out here bar Shang actually waking up with that massive carpet.
Also I won’t lie, I completely forgot that the Khoshuts were at war with Shang, as they besiege the mountainous city of Dawenkou.
We get a shot of the Faroes core, filled with a littany of carracks, galleasses and Grindadráps.
Despite their humble beginnings as an island civ, they’ve grown into arguably the cylinder’s most dominant civ.
Herat falls to Bukhara’s hands, again. This time though, the Kazakhs are lacking melee units, meaning Bukhara may have solidified their rule here.
Overall things are going from bad to worse for the Kazakhs, as Petropavl falls to the red and Selkup units begin attacking Karaganda.
Honestly Ecuador may take the title of “Biggest Fumbler” from the Visigoths because good lord they have done NOTHING with their military dominance in the Amazon. Pajchiri and Lukurmata are not even damaged right now!
Meanwhile, Bora Bora holds on to Machaca and moves towards South America.
Mehrgarh remains Harappan, much to Nader Shah’s annoyance, and Vijayanagara continues to trade blows with the Qarmatians.
Nothing much else to say here.
Latvia’s conquest of Oral marks the end of their horse in the Kazakh race.
Kazkhstan’s downfall continues as Kazan moves troops towards the Arctic settlement of Kostanay and Selkup units begin sieging Pavlodar.
Petropavl falls to the Dzungars, and Taraz falls to the yellow.
It all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling dooooooooooown…
Zheng settles the city of Guangzhou just north of Changhua. They also make peace with the Noongar which was going nowhere but they were relatively close I guess?
Astana finally falls to the Selkups, who hold onto the city comfortably. Meanwhile Karaganda falls to the yellow, and more Selkup troops approach Pavlodar.
The Goguryeo front is taking a while to wake up, as a majority of their units remain in the Northwest.
Shang looks like they’ve actually woken up to some degree, and begin to move troops to retake Xiaotun.
Speaking of sleepy civs, heres the Tehuelche, who remain silent in a stark contrast to the chaos of the rest of South America.
They do have an impressive carpet, and could have a chance of taking Patio off Bora Bora given some modernization. Well, assuming they ever wake up.
Another look at the Espionage Overview shows Ishtar moving to the Finn city of Kirmukarmun.
Nothing else to say here.
While Kayahsuto’ke looks to have recovered, Sandur has fallen deep into the red and looks to fall at the next movement of Faroese troops, as more and more continue to trickle down from Northern Quebec.
Mehrgarh flips again to Harappa. Same shit, different turn.
Vijayanagara, however, has now pushed the naval front all the way to the Qarmatian city of Sutkagan-Dor, and pose an overwhelming naval advantage.
While the Kazakhs are able to recapture Petropavl, they lose the city of Taraz to Kazan.
Troops of all combatants close in on the wounded Kazakhs, whose army continues to wither away.
Xiaotun falls back to Shang, but their forces on this front look terribly thin, as the Mongols look to retake both Xiaotun and Old Sarai.
In even worse news for Shang, the Goguryeo cavalry has made its way to the frontlines.
Siam completes construction of the Sistine Chapel in Phra Nakhon.
This wonder provides +25% culture in all cities, and provides 2 Great Works of Art slots. Not the most useful wonder in expanding outside of Southeast Asia.
Tangier flips back to Sierra Leone, who look to securely hold it for now. Their navy now pushes to take the coastal city of Rabat, and their northern military edges ever closer to Marrakech.
Things are slowly getting more interesting in the Tiwanaku coalition, as Ecuador begin sieging Ojjo and Lukurmata (while abandoning Pajchiri, brilliant move).
New Holland has also decided to actually put some effort into this war, and Bora Bora now has a concetrated force moving on Omo. Things are beginning to look dire for Tiwanaku.
The Selkups complete the construction of the Alhambra in Kargasok.
This wonder grants each new non-air unit the Drill 1 promotion, builds a castle in the city, and provides +20% culture in the city.
The promotion is meaningless against the open-field Kazakhs, but could come in handy when facing a more mountainous opponent. Say the Dzungars?
The Shang look to be putting up some sort of a counterattack against the Zheng city of Chikan, but it may be in vain.
Outside of the Northern front and some sparse Goguryeo and Ikko Ikki units, this war is beginning to stall.
Singapore looks to its north, seeing the flag of Dai Viet rise over Thai Nguyen.
“...wait isn't that the city we just captured?”
Seeing their own incompetence in full view, Singapore decides to ensure Thai Nguyen remains Singaporean and send a vast fleet to the South China Sea, immediately bringing the island city to half health.
The going is slow in the Tibetan plateau as the Khosuts chip away at Dawenkou.
Meanwhile, Zheng senses the opportunity and sends units to attack a sparsely defended Xixiahou.
The Visigoths finally decide to move their units in Catalonia to the frontlines, as they slowly begin to encircle Asturica. All the while the Burgundian forces continue to wither away.
In the meantime, they make peace with Pontus and Royal Hungary, two non-players in this war.
Sandur predictably falls to the Faroes, but a Seneca horseman nearby could come in for a quick flip. Meanwhile, the vast majority of Faroese forces in the region are quickly descending onto Kayahsuto’ke.
Nader Shah is so fed up with the Mehrgarh flip fest that he peaces out immediately after taking the city, even if it means losing any immediate ability to take Harappa.
Given the relative weakness of Harappa’s neighbors, Nader Shah can always come back for round 2.
Makhnovia and the Kalmyks declare war. You would think that this would be a bigger deal and would have great implications for the Black Sea region.
That said, the geography of the frontlines and some convenient citadel spam by Kazan will ensure this war goes nowhere.
Gerard Philips, co-founder of the Philips Corporation, decides to bring his talents to the sands of Mogadishu. He probably won’t be able to help them in the inevitable conflict with Saba-D’mt but any money is good money to Mogadishu.
Speaking of war, they are currently fighting one against the Qarmatians, though that’s been limited to naval skirmishes off Safwan.
The same cannot be said about the Vijayanagara fleet, which has not only reached Sutkagan-Dor but has also moved triremes into the Persian Gulf, directly threatening the Qarmatian capital!
It will be a tough test, but one that will pay respectable dividends.
I don’t see the Romans winning this whole thing, but honestly, if they can recreate their real-life borders that’s a W in my book, and by the looks of it they’re halfway there: owning a majority of Italy, southern Greece, and North Africa.
Not to mention their unit density is staggering. Anyone bar maybe Pontus is fair game in the Mediterranean.
Karaganda falls to the Selkups, and in doing so they’ve isolated and reserved conquering rights for both Semey and Pavlodar.
Meanwhile, everyone’s come to town in Almaty for the “Fuck Kazakhs Con” as Selkup, Dzungar, Kazan and Bukharan troops begin attacking the city.
If I told you at the start of this war that Bora Bora would be the most impactful contributor to this coalition I would’ve been called insane.
Ecuador has a massive military presence and two undefended Tiwanaku cities in the open and has made the Visigoths jealous in terms of bag fumbling.
New Holland’s one notable act this whole war was losing Cacapava do Sul.
Meanwhile, Bora Bora has cleaned shop with Tiwanaku’s Pacific holdings and is now approaching the mainland. They’re honestly a contender for the best Pacific Island civ in CBR history if they go any further.
On the other side of the continent, Tiwanaku moves to take Piratini but what’s this? Bora Bora has brought Cacapava do Sul to the red with galleasses and has a swordsman in striking range. They have the opportunity to do the funniest thing here.
Meanwhile, New Holland heard me talking shit and decided to wake up, moving units to surround Wankane.
The clock is ticking for Maguidanao, as Wahgi and Zheng's forces begin to besiege their final stronghold of T’bok.
A lone spearman stands at the gates, that last force standing between Maguidanao and an exit from the CBR.
Seems we have a tight race for who will die next, as New Holland looks to finish the job and attacks Rio Grande’s last holdouts in Guaria and Bage.
I’m willing to wage 20 dollars on Goncalves winning the race to the Pearly Gates.
Our penultimate slide of this episode shows that Waghi has built the Notre Dame in Mount Hagen.
This wonder is simple, providing +10 happiness, +4 faith, and +1 Great Merchant points.
The last slide for this episode shows Zheng’s unique naval unit: the War Junk. This caravel replacement generates experience each turn while the capital is in a We Love the King day, and grants a burst of Great Admiral points upon promotion.
This concludes Episode 15 of CBRX Season 4! I hope ya’ll enjoyed the narration and look forward to the next episode! This is ItsTruckMonth, signing off!