Episode 23: Dead God’s Lullaby

1: Another

Hey you. Yeah you. Welcome to yet another episode of CBR. I’m ThyReformer, narrating this episode. I broke into Coiot’s house and coerced him into letting me narrate. Anyway before the police arrest me, let’s move on.

2: Auspicious

Somehow, St. Augustine returned…Thank you to EmeraldRange for this piece of OC.

3: Comic.

Oranj always hitting the spot with these. Praise be to Orangechrisy. Or just Orange honestly.

4: Tribute

Ever-grateful for the support that the CBR garners.

5: Hopia on häpiä

Faroes continue to languish in second place. Their population is utterly miserable at -28 happiness!

6: Cowardice

Aaand…action! Unfortunately, we have some cravens on the very first slide. For reasons completely beyond me, Makhno is sending his army east through Kazan. May I remind you that Makhno is currently getting pounded by Pontus? Why is his entire army running away? One of the stranger quirks of AI no doubt.

7: Bit early for that

Goguryeo is still fighting Mongolia. Very stubborn of both of them. We also see the Goguryeo navy starting to funnel southward to fight Zheng, very exciting.

Meanwhile Le Corbusier has arrived in Gungnae. He was a Swiss-French architect and designer in the early 20th century, often considered one of the pioneers of what is now regarded as modern architecture.

08: TIDAL WAVE

Singaporean navy arrives in force on the Vijayanagaran coast. Consider that most of Vijayanagaran cities are coastal…and, of course, the fact that Singapore is plowing through galleasses with frigates. Rakhigarhi on Sri Lanka is the first target, others are sure to follow. Don’t mind Singapore simultaneously fighting Noongar, EVERYTHING IS FINE. Singapore is COMPLETELY SAFE.

In the north, Mehrgarh is in Vijayangaran hands, while Harappa is still under siege from all sides.

Carl Otto Ehrenfried Nicolai was a German composer and conductor in the early 19th century. He was one of the founders of the Vienna Philharmonic!

09: original name do not steal

Ikko-Ikki makes a token effort to fight Zheng by flipping Changhua. Zheng units are so tied up fighting Wahgi that this two-unit contingent will probably keep the city, which is just sad. Just to the northeast, Goguryeo and Pueblo are still fighting for Hawaii. Zheng is fighting various civs, most prominently Wahgi, just off-screen. This region really is on fire recently. I think I’ll call this region the ring of fire!

10: How does he do it

Igluuk and Honsho-Ji are still flipping back and forth. Thule actually looks like they’re in control now, for the first time during this war against a substantially weaker foe. I cannot stress this enough: Thule sucks at war. They couldn’t beat Yellowknives in a 2v1, and now they are struggling immensely to get even scraps out of Nivkh. And this is with Nivkh fighting with one hand tied behind their back! Look at the Nivkh navy stuck behind Bakjak!

11: yksi

Turns out Latvia is ruled by a faction of…social democrats! Good for them! Go Latvia!

12: kaksi

Now that Bol’im has taken the charred husk of Simuay from Zheng, he claims to be the High Priest of Maguindanao, which is a peculiar title indeed, but it’s all about showing your intent with these things, and this guy’s intent is clearly conquering all of former Maguindanao.

13: kolme

Henry V, Captain of the People, under the thumb of the Bourgeoisie. No further comment.

I DO have to comment briefly on the dominant faction in Bavaria. “Free Bavarian Egalitarian Fraternity”? I don’t know nearly enough about politics to say which political ideology that actually means.

14: neljä

Various Hordes. It’s never not funny to imagine these civs as hordes.

15: viisi

Autocrat with a progressive dominant faction…what is this, enlightened absolutism?

16: kuusi

Democratic republic! Not only are Yellowknives competent at war, they’re also a free country!

17: Surprise!

Bavaria is just about managing to hold back the evil Latvians and Hungarians, but a new challenger approaches: the English! High off their hard-earned victory against Burgundy, the English have made a sizable dent in Beaune’s health with mass ranged units. Now unfortunately you DO need a melee unit to take a city…let’s hope they can bring one of those musketman up!

18: I love Lake Baikal

The frigid north is still hotly contested between these stubborn fools.

19: 2 for 1 deal

Sierra Leone, confident that they are about to decisively plough through Alaouites, declare war on the next civ in line: Visigoths. Visigoths are already struggling against a coalition…well, sort of - so far there’s not been much action, but maybe eventually Faroes will start sending some ships over. In the meantime, Victoriacum is under immediate danger, while the SL troops near Waterlook are likely to be distracted and confused by the duality of targets now available. Progress against Alaouites is slow as-is, thanks to the rough terrain, and this won’t help - but maybe SL can get some spoils of war out of Visigoths instead! And let’s not forget the English UA causing chip damage every turn to Visigothic cities…

20: Impervious

Incredibly, despite having no units left aside from the garrisoned unit in the cities, Harappan cities have only taken small chunks of damage so far. This surely cannot last, but it’s impressive in a really weird way for the time being.

21: Disappointment

Pueblo and Goguryeo make peace, splitting up Hawaii as-is. Pretty sad if you ask me. Especially considering Goguryeo could’ve gotten a lot more. But maybe they’ll send those ships to fight Zheng now instead.

Also, side note, what’s with the Ikko-Ikki units here north of Hawaii? What foe are they fighting over here? And why do they still have so many triremes? Questions that science will never have the answer to.

22: Titanium

Crow is looking about as overran as Harappa, but they pull the same trick, keeping all their cities in good health. For the time being, anyway.We see Rembrandt on the field. Everyone knows who Rembrandt is, but let’s run through anyway. Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn was a Dutch Golden Age (so 17th century) painter, printmaker, and draughtsman. He is generally considered one of the goats!

23: Wasted potential

Qarmatians here! They still haven’t attacked the immensely distracted Afsharids! It would be so easy to just stab them in the soft underside…I mean look at Kermanshah…one musketman…and of course naval superiority to take Tabriz in the same go…come on!

24: Must’ve wanted him outta the way

It’s clear Zheng’s heart is not really in this. They don’t ACTUALLY care if they take Bac Giang or not. It’s embarrassing really. Not like they have anything else to use units on. No siree bob.

Luís Alves de Lima e Silva, Duke of Caxias was an army officer, politician and monarchist of the Empire of Brazil. His nicknames were “the Peacemaker” and “the Iron Duke”. Here in the Zheng Empire, he’s been relegated to taking care of the LEAST important front of the empire. Sad story.

25: Schadenfreude

Quick look at the SAD and PATHETIC state of Kazakhstan. Look at all those cities that used to be theirs!

26: Equal and opposite reaction

Visigoths and Sierra Leone exchange navies. That is to say, they’re both raiding each others’ waters. Alaouite swordsmen march on Rabat at the same time. Hard to say if anything is going to come out of any of these movements. Lots of dead people though!

27: It’s even funnier the second time!

Anyway here’s Kazakhstan again. Latvia declared war on them but they don’t have open borders through Kazan so we’re back to pointing and laughing.

28: My favorite…

Ekaterinoslav flips again. It’s down to 1 pop now. I love war crimes! Makhno is managing to flip the city back and forth just fine despite vacationing his army in Kazan.

29: It’s even funnier the t- ohno.

Well there goes Kazakhstan I guess. Kazan decides to join the bandwagon, which is almost certainly a death sentence for Kazakhstan. Wonder what incites these massive coalitions against literal city-states. Is what Kazakhstan is probably wondering, now that they’ve been sentenced to death in the court of public opinion.

30: Hungry for coffee

Noongar invasion of Java is off to a strong start. Some Singapore reinforcements are arriving from the west, and they might be able to save Little India for a while, but Tamontaka is most certainly good as gone.

31: A new victim holds the cursed city…

The long and grueling Zheng-Wahgi war comes to an end - and it is a victory for the Wahgi, who gain two cities, notably the wonder-filled capital, Simuay. These wonders include the Great Lighthouse, which is quite the boon for a maritime empire. Zheng comes out of the war bruised, but otherwise fine - now they just need to hold out against the invasion from the north.

32: crying emoji

Welp, all fun things must come to an end. Harappa is about to die, and I for one could not possibly be more sad. Harappa was one of my favorites going in, and though they didn’t play particularly actively, it was still fun to watch them meander around. Now the only question is, how will the coalition divvy up the citites?

33: Pure Skill

Oh hey there you go! Zheng’s diplomatic corps make the magic happen, and another threatening opponent agrees to make peace, with no concessions from Zheng! Those guys deserve an award, seriously. Only Ikko-Ikki and Dai Viet remain, and Ikko’s navy is famously busy exploring the Pacific. And even if it wasn’t, Zheng’s navy is most certainly bigger, even through getting attrition’d against Wahgi. In fact, a sizable Zheng fleet showed up to defend Chaozhou & Siming - this might’ve influenced the Goguryeo willingness to make peace, but now that Goguryeo is out of the way, this fleet could be used offensively against Ikko! What a turnaround that would be - and completely within Zheng’s character!

34: Doomer

Vijayanagara prepares to go into exile. Seems a bit premature.

35: They really are the German civ rn

Beaune remains in Bavarian hands, purely thanks to the English inability to use a melee unit. Maybe that Chevauchee will get in?Meanwhile on the east front, Bavaria has pushed Latvia far off of Nüremberg.

36: Poor dude, stuck in the snow

Faroese Greenland in all its…glory…don’t mind the rebel-infested Iceland…Jackie Wilson was an American singer in the mid 20th century. Nicknamed …Mr. Excitement,” he was considered a master showman and one of the most dynamic singers and performers in soul, R&B, and rock and roll history.

37: Reserves, and for what?

Sierra Leone actually has a nice navy down here. Shame it can’t go up north along a straight line because Faroe borders are in the way.

Matthew C. Perry was an United States Navy officer who commanded ships in several wars, including the War of 1812 and the Mexican–American War. He played a leading role in the Perry Expedition that ended Japan's isolationism and the Convention of Kanagawa between Japan and the United States in 1854. Maybe he can lead a cross-continental expedition in our world, too?

38: Pancakes, yum.

The ruins of Ekaterinoslav flip again…at this point they’re fighting for the location out of spite - I mean, it’s probably strategically important too, but spite is always a powerful driving force.

39: Gridlock

We see the Puebloan-Mexican front for the first time in ages, and as one could judge based on the lack of attention given to the front, very little has happened. We can assume that thousands of able-bodied men have fought and died, but that’s about it. Walatowa is secure in Mexican hands, and progress in either direction looks nigh-impossible. This sense of futility is further driven in by the recent Goguryeo-Pueblo peace deal. The full force of Pueblo bears down on Mexico…and Mexico holds just fine. Gone are the days of Pueblo being perceived as invincible.

Maurice Denis was a French painter, decorative artist, and writer in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. He was an important figure in the transitional period between impressionism and modern art.

40: Suicide mission

One Ikko-Ikki ship on a solo mission attempts to take down Guangzhou. Admirable…brave…incredibly stupid. In the corner we see the Zheng navy breach into Ikko waters.

41: Double whammy

Khoshuts get to move first, and take both Mohenjo-Daro AND the city of Harappa! Only the mountain fortress of Ganeriwala remains in the north, and that too is almost certainly going to end up in Khoshut hands, meaning Khoshuts will be getting every city that Harappa started this coalition war with! And let’s not forget about the Great Wall which is now in Khoshuts’ possession, a powerful defensive wonder for another era or two. A remarkable feat no doubt, but moreover a tragic turn of event for Vijayanagara and the Afsharids, who both really needed a break. But hey, maybe this is Khoshuts’ way of apologizing to us for playing a really lackluster game so far. Because this is genuinely fairly impressive showing from them.

42: New kid around the block

Ahh…beautiful. The Bora-Bora UU, the ‘Eia, shows up at last. This Privateer replacement gets a massive +100% combat strength buff for two turns after starting a turn on an atoll, and generates additional Great Admiral points when killing units. A fun unit with a lot of potential, considering the widespread nature of atolls on the map. You can see five in just this zoomed-in shot.

43: Master Illusionist

A nice view of the Taino. You wouldn’t believe it, but these guys fucking suck. Awful stats.

Richard Strauss was a German composer and conductor in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. He is best known for his tone poems and operas.

44: Deceive me once

Siam is plotting against Rozvi.

…

Fun fact for anyone who may not be aware: This message merely means that the AI is taking a DECEPTIVE approach towards the named civ. Which means nothing on its own. It CAN indicate that the AI could go on to plan a sneak attack against them, but all it really says is that the AI is acting friendly towards the named civ while actually hating their guts.

In more interesting news, on the side we see that Zheng has graciously allowed Dai Viet to live as a city-state. A Vietnamese city-state in CBR…this seems familiar…

45: Ms. Worldwide

Ishtar heads off to Ndongo next. Hearing about South Africa got her intrigued.

46: The humiliation continues

The next step of the war between Kanem-Bornu and Saba was a heavily debated subject among the PRs in the last week. The consensus eventually formed to be that despite Kanem’s initial success, Saba would proceed go on the offensive. Well, no such luck for the Saba fans. Kanem is continuing their own offensive. With composite bowmen and no siege weaponry, taking a 48 strength city will be difficult, to say the very least, but it’s the principle of the matter. By all means, Saba is the stronger civ. Saba has better stats, and is fielding crossbows, muskets, and CANNONS against Kanem’s MEDIEVAL army. So how can this be? How long can it go on? How long will Saba let it go on? I guess the truth of the matter really is that Kanem simply wants it more.

47: Proceed.

Kazakhstan’s undoing is coming along nicely.

48: Romanticism my beloved

Ekaterinoslav flips yet again.

Eugène Delacroix was a French Romantic artist in the 19th century who was regarded as the leader of the French Romantic school.

49: Hammer ‘boutta come DOWN

They’re really going for it! Kicking Ikko-Ikki out of China would be immensely valuable - to say nothing of the raw value of the city itself! That’s a 30 pop city, which might just be the most populous city in all of Ikko-Ikki. Yoshizaki Gobo manages to be even bigger than the Ikko capital. Zheng managing to turn the short-lived coalition into a big gain here would definitely be remarkable. And they have the units for it.

50: They just keep on survivin’

Well seems like I hyped up Singapore for nothing. They brought Rakhigarhi pretty low, but then decided to give up an make peace. It’s not an unreasonable move, considering they’re probably panicking about the Noongar invasion, but damn, I still think they could’ve gotten SOMETHING here. Y’know? At least they didn’t lose anything. That’d’ve been pretty sad.

51: Another Mag city flippin’

Speaking of. Noongar finds the first capture of the war in Tamontaka. But Little India in the meantime has fully recovered, even with just the minimal Singaporean reinforcements coming in. All the same, Noongar is showing no signs of slowing down - PLENTY of reinforcements are coming in from the south. Singapore’s strategy seems to include a flank attack on Mulka through Wahgi waters. Bold move cotton, let’s see if it works out.

52: Bestest of buddies

An incidental view of the peaceful and prosperous Fennoscandia.

53: On this season of Survivor…

Crow is managing to hold on MUCH better than Harappa. They’re definitely surviving the episode. Probably. I don’t want to jinx them per se but let’s be real, Baaxawuaashalíiko is pretty rough for Osage to siege.

54: They really DOWing Noongar in sympathy for Singapore?

Here’s Dai Viet again. Apparently they completely ran out of military units, did not notice that earlier, that’s pretty funny.

55: Clawing my eyes out

…Dude what the fuck. I mean I know this had been happening for a while but how the hell did it get this bad. This is just ridiculous. Know what else is ridiculous? Faroes and Visigoths have been at war with 12 turns. 12 turns. This Visigoth city is completely disconnected from the Visigoth core. It is adjacent to the Faroe core. AND THE CITY IS JUST COMPLETELY FINE. How are the Faroes this incompetent in war. There’s even a Visigothic unit in Faroe territory, even if said unit is about to die. This is bewildering. Incredible. A true feat.

56: Art of Surrender

Sun Tzu does his best to surrender to the invading Kazani navy, against Nazarbayev’s wishes. Unfortunately for him, the immortal leaders of this world absolutely love fighting to the death, and they like to include their subjects in that fun. Which will include mr. Sun Tzu.

57: Where my backdoor squad lads at

The war for the heart of the Americas continues raging on with little advance on either side. It is noteworthy that Mexico seems to have 0 navy on the Pacific side.

Bernando O'Higgins, a classic contender from CBR Mk.2 and a Chilean independence leader in real life, is here to support their fellow Latin Americans.

58: The poor man's gate and the palaces of kings…

…death comes for us - it is inevitable…

The last stronghold of the Harappan nation falls to the Khoshut siege. Harappa had started off as one of the stronger civs on the cylinder, but inaction and rough terrain prevented turning good stats into momentum. Harappa remained a mediocre power for a while, before being critically weakened by the Afsharids, which eventually allowed a coalition to overwhelm them. When the end came, it was merciful and swift, at least. There are worse fates, ultimately.

Harappa is eliminated in 57th place. F.

59: Miracle of Little India on the way?

The Noongar push continues on to Little India. Singaporean reinforcements have all but vanished, and the Singaporean gambit to sneak attack Mulka is not going well either. Only divine intervention could save Singapore from further losses at this point.

Oh…what’s this on the sidebar…

60: cone

Tehuelche and Tiwanaku are still maintaining the facade of war. In truth neither wants to fight. Tiwanaku has more pressing matters to attend to…and so does Tehuelche, this making them miss out on their nap.

61: Total Control

Yoshizaki Gobo immediately falls below half health. The city is doomed to fall. Some Ikko-Ikki naval units are actually showing up now, but it’s too little too late.

62: seiska

Some quick map overviews. Enjoy to your heart’s content.

63: kasi

It’s a bit hard to tell what’s going on here. The Kalmyk and Dai Viet religions appear to be the same color on this map. The border of the religions runs through Dzungar lands as you’ll see in a moment. That of course means that the Kalmyk religion is the far superior one. Funny that both founders ended up getting rumped.

64: Guns gathering dust

The highly militarized Dzungar core, as mentioned. They got cannons!

65: Just tech it

Mongolian units are actually entering the Goguryeo south now, while Goguryeo is pushing on Otrar. Nevermind the struggle, they’ve got R.E.M. now. R.E.M. was an American alternative rock band formed in Athens, Georgia in 1980.

…

The fuck you mean Nivkh has Line Infantry?? Is this allowed? Should I call the authorities?

66: Ndongo

Uh, Ndongo!

67: Nominal victory

Here’s Pontus. We also see that Pontus and Makhno made peace, with Ekaterinoslav in Pontic hands. That’ll be a significant deal when these two fight again, because Pontus will be able to have land units on the Pontic Steppe right from the getgo instead of needing to embark them over.

68: No, I am…

Sierra Leone’s fleet, intended to reinforce the battles to the north, just stare at the Faroe border drawn on the water. Oh well!

On land, SL has recruited Spartacus to lead the offensive against the Alaouites. Let’s hope it’s the real Spartacus.

69: A poor omen

A very healthy core over here in the Afsharids. Very proud of the lads even if they’ve struggled at times.

Lin Biao was a Chinese politician and Marshal of the People's Republic of China who was pivotal in the Communist victory during the Chinese Civil War. Let’s hope Afsharids are not heading into a civil war. Might not be happy about Khoshuts getting all the clay from the Harappan coalition war.

70: A conqueror, cruel and brutish

Well that explains everything. The Khoshut war machine was adviced, perhaps even led, by none other than Hernan Cortes, who infamously brought about the fall of the Aztec Empire and conquered vast swaths of land in Central America for Spain.

71: Umpteenth round

Here we go. The age-old rivalry of Palawa and Noongar flares up once again. With the majority of Noongar resources thrown at Singapore, Palawa smells blood in the water, and hopes to finally achieve decisive victory. Too long has Australia remained divided, too many times has Noongar humiliated Palawa - no more! The Palawan military has largely become gunpowder-based, a distinct advantage over the Noongar land forces still utilizing swords, crossbows, and knights. Palawan cannons are noteworthy in particular, an example of Enlightenment Era tech. Interestingly, it is at sea that Palawa finds themselves outmatched, as they do not have Navigation yet. Fortunately, the ENTIRE Noongar navy is busy sieging Java.

The Noongar Great General, Saito Dosan, is one of the first to hear about the declaration of war. He must utilize shrewd strategy to defeat the gunpowder armies of Palawa. In our timeline, he was a Japanese samurai during the Sengoku period. He was known as the “Viper of Mino” for his ruthless tactics. Let’s see if he can bring those to the Australian battlefield as well.

72: Lopsided

A view of the frigate-less Palawa core. Another noteworthy thing - which astute observers could’ve already figured out - is the fact that Palawa has even made it past Chemistry, all the way to Flintlock. Skirmishers have made it to the front, charging towards Kriwa, while Line Infantry are less common, only found on South Island for now. But should the war drag on, Palawan Line Infantry will most certainly make their presence known. Line Infantry against Longswordsmen is an impossible advantage to overcome, for even the shrewdest tactician…

Speaking of tacticians, we have Sayyida al Hurra here in charge of the outdated Palawan navy. She’s probably doing her best to upgrade the navy but that is no easy task. In our timeline, she was the Governor of Tétouan and a Moroccan privateer leader, during the early 16th century.

73: Anywhere but here

Tecumseh, after getting exiled from North America, decides to move to Siberia. What drives a man to make these decisions? Not a clue.

74: At least it’s over now…

A view of the Saba, who managed to make peace with Kanem-Bornu before further humiliation was inflicted upon them. Kanem keeps Nkongsamba, which was settled by them to begin with. Saba loses their pride. Will they ever recover?

If it’s up to Nicolas Fouquet, yes they will. Nicolas Fouquet, marquis de Belle-Île, vicomte de Melun et Vaux was the Superintendent of Finances in France from 1653 until 1661 under King Louis XIV. His brief career was quite opulent indeed.

75: I love Yellowknives!

Anyway here’s the Yellowknives core, very nice for a tundra empire.

76: Clown show

Tiwanaku continues to be outnumbered against New Holland. Having numerical superiority is no match against superior tactics and strategy though.

…

It also doesn’t help to be employing swordsmen against cannons.

Bob Dylan is here, say hi to Bob Dylan! Bob Dylan is of course an American singer-songwriter, often considered to be one of the greatest songwriters in history.

77: I used the Japanese to destroy the Japanese!

And for our last of the great person showcase, here’s Shibata Katsuie. He was ALSO a Japanese samurai and military commander during the Sengoku period, serving Oda Nobunaga as one of his trusted generals. Here he will destroy the Japanese.

78: Another!

And right away at the dawn of next turn, the Kazakhstani city-state is put out of its misery.

Kazakhstan started off strong, as the steppe civs are wont to do, bullying their neighbors with abandon. This malice turned back on them however, and repeated incursions from the combined might of their neighbors wore them down, until the ultimate collapse, which was comparatively swift. Kazakhstan collapsed so hard that they were relegated into a city-state in the Arctic Ocean. Eventually, yet another coalition would destroy that last vestige as well. They burned brightly…and briefly.

Kazakhstan is eliminated in 56th place.

79: The carnage continues!

The Maghrebi War proceeds. In the Atlantic, Visigoths and Sierra Leone have largely destroyed one another’s navies. In the Mediterranean, the Visigothic navy has mostly been destroyed by the combined efforts of SL and Rome. On land, SL has begun to damage Marrakech, but a contingent of Visigothic troops has arrived to aid in the defense of the city.

80: Rolling over

In the Noongar-Singapore war, Tamontaka flips back and forth, Little India falls to nearly 0 health, and Mulka takes noteworthy damage, but it won’t be enough. Singaporean reinforcements are still nowhere to be seen - is Java being abandoned?

81: Relocated

The Rozvi exiles find a new home in the Roman Sahara. It’s not the nicest place ever, but it’s something.

82: Bit of a messy region for sure

Zinovy Rozhestvensky was a Russian admiral of the Imperial Russian Navy. He was in command of the Second Pacific Squadron in the Battle of Tsushima, during the Russo-Japanese War. Here he looks on in anger at the Viet city-state, which he thinks Zheng should’ve conquered.

83: I’m on board

Various Taino ships dot the Eastern Seaboard (emphasis on the ‘sea’ part). These lads are still looking to raid the Senecan coast, but aren’t having much luck finding the right place.

In other news, St. Augustine is growing rapidly thanks to generous investors!

84: Praying for YK to get it all

Similarly to the Harappans, the Crow cities take massive chunks of damage in one go. Chichuche is doing just fine though, so that’s already better than how the Harappans fared. Crow’s best bet is still becoming a city-state.

85: Kicked out!

Yoshizaki Gobo falls, and Ikko-Ikki will be hard pressed to take the city back. The Zheng presence around the city is simply overwhelming. Ikko should’ve built a proper navy when they still had the chance - now is too late! How far will Zheng push?

86: rude

Bahram Kirmanshahi looks on as the Kanem-Bornu citadels claim vast swathes of what remains of the Mamluk state. In our timeline Bahram Kirmanshahi was…well, the internet isn’t giving me much on this name. Seems that he was a Persian artist in the mid 19th century.

87: Out-teched

Mark Zuckerberg is here to create Facebook.

Oh hey, Bora-Bora has Line Infantry too! Good for them! Now conquer Tehuelche or Tiwanaku with those bad boys!

88: Javanese dominion

Little India falls to the Noongar onslaught as well, and finally I’m seeing a small trickle of Singaporean reinforcements. That won’t be nearly enough, though! Noongar is far from running out of steam!

89: This fucking city name

Iáxuhpish Aashkaate falls to the Yellowknife army. The first of three, I imagine. Though admittedly I would be sad to find Osage getting nothing out of this war.

90: Naval intrigue

Reminder that “plotting against” doesn’t necessarily mean anything. And besides, with Sierra Leone’s navy unable to grind itself to dust against Visigoths and Alaouites, SL is perfectly prepared for a naval invasion anyway. Ndongo’s saving grace in turn would be that they don’t appear to have much in the way of coastal cities. Explains why the Ndongo navy is so weak.

Oh, yeah, and Ndongo made peace with Mogadishu, though little came out of that.

91: Migratory spy

The heat got too much for Ishtar, and she’s moving north next.

92: Full Steam Ahead

We return to the Maghrebi War to see that Sierra Leone is struggling in the 2v1. Well, it’s not a pure 2v1, because Visigoths are fighting other foes as well, but Roman and Faroe contributions are…nominal at best. And it doesn’t help that Gabe Newell has showed up in Victoriacum to improve morale!

93: I can’t look

Faroes deal nominal damage to Hispalis, proving that even weak civs can deal damage to their enemies! So inspirational!

94: Invoking Mk.2 Buccs

The Bora-Bora empire in all its glory. Bora is advancing through the land military techs quite rapidly, but unlike the likes of Palawa, they have done an excellent job of working on their naval tech as well. This is truly a frightening sight for any nearby coastal civ, especially now with those UUs starting to pop up.

95: No sacrifice is too great

Ikko-Ikki desperately flips back Yoshizaki Gobo, and though Zheng has ran out of melee ships in the immediate vicinity, a sufficient number of land melee units cast their hungry eyes upon the city, and it is certain to flip once more. Unfortunately, after one more flip, the glory of the city will be but a fading memory in the minds of the survivors, a fraction of what used to be.

96: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Despite nominal friendship between the two on account of the open borders, Pueblo citadels the hell out of the Osage capital, a particularly spiteful insult. The two haven’t been at war in nearly 200 turns - could this ancient rivalry rise from its grave soon?

97: What good is prod if you spend it on swordsmen in the renaissance era?

New Holland is kind of a reverse Kayapo. They settled expansively, they’ve behaved aggressively, and they’re doing their best to fight with some of the worst mil tech among actual contenders. And, of course, I don’t hate them!

Anyway, Johnny Hollyday is here to sing about the senseless tragedy of sending poorly trained soldiers to their death against Tiwanaku. In our timeline, Johnny Hollyday was a French rock and roll and pop singer and actor, credited with having brought rock and roll to France. He died as recently as 2017.

98: They could match a top 10 civ with this tech! (real)

Slightly off-screen, Yoshizaki Gobo did indeed flip back to Zheng, but nevermind that, check this out: Shang is completely out of resistance now! The mighty giant, a former #1, who got gameruined by…uh, themselves, is finally no longer kneecapped by decisions made dozens and dozens of turns ago! Unfortunately, the world has long since moved on, and Shang’s chances of anything close to victory are non-existent. Funny enough, their mil tech is on a similar level to New Holland’s…

Jean Dominique Antony Metzinger was a major 20th-century French painter, theorist, writer, critic and poet. Quite the polymath.

99: So many luxuries…

Oh I didn’t even notice, thanks Lacs. Goguryeo decide to reward Shang finally leaving resistance with some citadels on their capital. Very reminiscent of the Pueblo-Osage citadels. Just as cruel and vitriolic. You’re supposed to kick ‘em while they’re down, not right when they’ve gotten back up, you know that right?

100: Centennial

The Crow capital falls! Seems I’ve managed to will into existence the timeline where Yellowknives do indeed take the whole cake. ‘Cake’ being the Crow rump state, of course. Chichúche, the new capital, is the next city under siege, and I don’t give this capital a very long lifespan. Still, Crow did manage to not die in the same episode as Harappa (or Kazakhstan, I guess), so that’s something, and that Crow city on the lakes should be difficult to siege as mentioned.

Robert A. Heinlein arrives in the former Crow capital to write about the atrocities he observes there. In our timeline, he was an American science fiction author, aeronautical engineer, and naval officer in the 20th century.

101: Intro

Yoshizaki Gobo flips back and forth one more time, and this time the city looks decisively in Zheng hands. Of course, by now the city has 1/10th of it’s original population remaining, but that never stopped anybody. Content with the mainland, the Zheng navy starts to move towards Japan itself, and Ikko-Ikki’s navy is STILL lackluster. Can Zheng invade the Ikko-Ikki homeland? Let’s find out…next week, because this is the end of the episode! I’d probably rank this among one of the calmer episodes, despite the double elim, but I enjoyed it all the same. I’ve been ThyReformer, and you’ve been…whoever you are. Have a good day!

Episode 23: Dead God’s Lullaby – S4

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