Episode 29: The Dictator Plague

1: The Beginning

Hello, all. I am Rhoze, your narrator once again. There’s no reason to hang around here, so let’s get started.

2: State of the World

This week’s map from Sonicfan shows off the colours the cylinder is painted in. I wonder how they will change today?

3: Pacific Pals

Orange brings us another installment of Pacific Pals. Y’know, for being called pals, the civs never seem to like each other very much…

Singapore illustrates that even the top powers can bleed if you hit them in the right place.

4: Generously Giving

Thanks as always to the donators who help keep the servers running and the game alive.

Coiot: This week we welcome first-time supporter Buzzercap to the board (actually belated as the shoutout was scheduled for last week but got lost in the delayed release) and ItsTruckMonth / yaampa back to the list from previous seasons. Thank you both for helping us out!

5: Poor Po’pay

Pueblo continues its meteoric fall through the ranks, and the question of this episode is less about whether they’ll lose more cities, but more how much their loss will be.

6: Atacama Attack

We open the episode proper with Tiwanaku desperately flipping Atacama back to their control. Things look bleak, however, as units from both Ecuador and Bora-Bora rampage practically uncontested through the Andes.

7: Blood in the Ocean

The Qarmatian and Vijayanagaran navies clash in the open Arabian sea. They use different ships - Krishnadevaraya fielding a mix of Privateers and Frigates while Abu Tahir al-Jannabi prefers Galleons - but they seem equally matched. News of the war filters through to the nations of west Africa, who declare war as well in support of the Qarmatians.

08: Javraganak Joins the Fight!

Baaxawuaashaliiko flips between the Osage and Thule, as the Yellowknives look on, bombing all the cities on the front.

09: Pitiful Pavlodar

The Selkups capture Pavlodar, putting an end to the Bukharan outpost.

10: Not Ohkay

It’s not a fun time to be a Puebloan. Planes, a new and terrifying weapon, hum daily from the north, dropping explosives on all the cities along the new border. The Yellowknife cavalry also rides rampant through the countryside, burning anything they can find. The latest reports from the north suggest Ohkay Owingeh has fallen, like so many others.

11: Gadag It!

Getting reports that so many others are attacking Vijayanagara, Yagan decides to join in, eyeing the close to defenseless Antarctic colony of Gadag.

12: Umu the Humane

It happened slowly with the Nivkh. Flailing after the losses to the Thule, support for the ruling party grew worse and worse. Meanwhile, all the people could hear from the south and west was that Goguryeo was more powerful, more productive, more happy. Ever so gradually, the people stopped caring whether Tutin from down the street was a councilor, or whether Chvark from Okha had a seat in the government. They wanted, they needed, someone better, someone who was above the rabble. And in the lands of the Nivkh, there was only one person you could always rely on. Piece by piece, more and more executive power came to rest in the hands of Umu the immortal. Until, one day, just like it was so many millennia ago, he was the sole ruler of Tyr.

13: An English Holiday

Royal Hungary’s units overflow their feeble borders, exploring some citadels in the south of France.

14: English Emerita

The English navy once again sails into Emerita, and it doesn’t look like Leovigild can take it back for at least a turn. Palencia is also taking significant damage from Sierra Leone, and Reccopolis has been burnt to ashes.

15: It’s Hard in Hawai’i

Singapore’s lightning attack takes four of the six cities of Hawai’i. Once a valuable strategic link between Asia and America, now that the nations of the cylinder don’t have to fear the deep ocean, the fate of these islands seems to be to be tossed back and forth between those who want them.

16: Siamese Sandwich

Emboldened by their success against a top power, Singapore joins up with the Khoshuts to try and take down Siam. They might have the objective advantage, but most of Siam’s cities aren’t too accessible by sea, so it might prove to be a tougher nut to crack than Singapore is expecting.

17: Siege of Belgaum

On another front of this war, Qarmatian units are streaming in a line toward the Vijayanagaran cities of the Seychellese islands. Belgaum is beginning to take damage, but even ignoring the backup fleet to the west, it has several ranged units to chip down the invaders.

18: Punished Pueblo

Pueblo continues to falter. A few units take back Ohkay Owingeh, but only peace will save this flagging empire from constant aerial bombardment.

19: Peace in the Pacific

Bora-Bora and Palawa make peace, no territory exchanged. Puni can now focus on taking as much as possible from Tiwanaku.

20: The Argir Airfleet

Trondur stacks a fleet of bombers in the far west of his empire. Is this just deterrence, or a sign of future plans?

21: 3-2 to Singapore

Goguryeo takes back Abiquiu, and their ships seem to outnumber those of the invaders now.

22: Anarchy

Depressed by the way his empire has been carved into four detached parts by his neighbours, Makhno recruits the Pet Shop Boys to distract him.

23: eStomping

Ndongo inflicts more damage on the eSwatini cities. Now they just need to take them, and not just back out like they have before.

24: Siamese Surprise

Singapore’s army apparently isn’t quite as ready to fight as its leader was to declare war. Siam’s settled city of Chanthaburi, long under the yoke of the south, looks to soon be reunited with its founder. For their part in the coalition, the Khoshuts look to be doing nothing. Great work!

25: Pirates of the Mediterranean

Palencia’s health drops further, aided by the sheer pain of England (and its UA) existing. Sierra Leone also has a settler on the way to replace Reccopolis midwar.

26: Hakuchō no Mizuumi

Ikko-Ikki recruits Tchaikovsky. At least the single-minded followers will have some nice music to listen to as they continue to fall behind their neighbours.

27: (Great Musician)

The Yellowknives take back on their inevitable march south, with the soldiers inspired by Aram Khachaturian (Great Musician) (Great Musician) (Yellowknife Great Musician). In case you hadn’t noticed, he’s a Great Musician.

28: Kawaika-ing in Fear

They also take Kawaika, with Puebloan resistance fast evaporating. Three of the tiles around Taos are already occupied by Yellowknife invaders.

29: Unconserved Pariti

Meanwhile, in the similarly disintegrating empire of Tiwanaku, Ecuadorian forces have captured Pariti, cutting Ojjo off from the rest of its allies. Tiwanaku only has four military units in this entire image, and none of them are in the isolated Ojjo.

30: Gabriel Moreno, Khan

It happened suddenly in Ecuador. One tepid morning, the civil servants and court attendants left the caravan convoy and headed to the government office in Lukurmata, where the country was being directed from for the purposes of the Tiwanaku war. It was always quiet in Lukurmata, far too many buildings left for the dwindling population, but today it felt somehow even quieter than usual. One Carmen nervously slid open the plastic door, only to be greeted with a disquieting sight. The immortal Moreno, of late representing a capital suburb in parliament, stood alone.

“The other members of parliament have been… dismissed. I have no need for them anymore. I dragged this civilization out of the dirt with my own two hands, and it seems I will need to do so again.”

By the evening, the news circulated throughout Ecuador that the sole exalted leader would now be, and indeed had always been, Gabriel Moreno.

31: The Worm Gets the Erlitou Bird

Goguryeo’s army continues making its way through the mountains to the final three cities left to Shang. Erlitou has flipped back to Shang, but is in the red. Daji, unwilling to accept reality, submerges herself in vice, plunging the temporary capital of Dawenkou into resistance.

32: Reclaiming Zia

Zia also falls back to Goguryeo. Singapore only has three military units left in the area, and has much more pressing problems at home to worry about than these far-flung islands.

33: Tired Taino

The Osage and Taino end a war that neither side seems to have been fighting anyway. Pawhuska has more pressing warfronts, and Agueybana needs to catch up on beauty sleep.

34: Chanthaburi Celebration

Chanthaburi returns to its founder and rightful owner, after having passed around between other nations. The Siamese army is even pressing on Samut Songkram, another original city of theirs, although Singapore is now advancing its superior navy.

35: Chill Beats to Redraw the Borders of South America To

Cheering on the carving up of Tiwanaku is Antonio Carlos Jobim, a pioneer of Bossa Nova. On the mainland, Tiwanaku now has fewer military units than it does cities, with its remaining territory looking to fall equally between Bora-Bora and Ecuador.

36: Pueblo Purge

In a fell sweep, Akaitcho rides triumphant into Taos (and Háák’u), kicking Po’pay into Baja California. This also secures Akaitcho the capital lead. It feels wrong somehow, but yes, nobody else on the cylinder owns more than two original capitals.

37: That’s Stronger Than a Railgun!

Bol’im adds another wonder to his collection. This one apparently increases the effectiveness of defensive buildings in all of the Wahgi’s cities, as if they wouldn’t be enough of a pain to invade anyway. Mount Hagen itself has a staggering defense of 138.

38: Giving Up

The Qarmatians and Vijayanagara make peace before either side can really get anywhere.

39: Sleepy Seneca

We get a shot of the Senecan empire. It might not be the most modern army, but it is decently large. They could probably make a dent in Osage if they wanted to.

40: The Wind Blows Emptily Over the Plains of Manchuria

Meanwhile, for having such impressive stats, Goguryeo’s core is surprisingly empty. Such wide swathes of land devoid of units are just begging for an underdog to walk into them.

41: The End of Singapore’s Gambit

Only one of the Hawai’ian islands is left in Singapore’s hands. With no defenders left and under bombardment from the Goguryeo airforce, it seems destined to fall too.

42: Sleepy Saba

Saba-D’mt recruits Georges-Eugene Haussman, known for a renovation of Paris under Napoleon. Saba certainly needs a renovation of some kind if they want to get anywhere in this game.

43: Palenciaworld

Palencia falls to Sierra Leone, the green invaders cementing themselves as a cross-continental power. However, they set the city alight, and if their happiness hasn’t improved since the start of the episode, it will burn to the ground. Naval units from both Sierra Leone and England are also closing in on Barcino.

44: Po’pay’s Last Stand

In a desperate counter, a ragged Po’pay hoists Pueblo’s flag in Taos once again, defiant of the constant devastation from the skies. It will not last.

45: Osage Reversal

Looking at the sidebar, …I don’t think it lasted. With the Puebloan capital practically secure, the Yellowknives now turn their gaze to the Osage intrusions, taking back both Chichuche and Baaxawuaashaliiko.

46: Unending Big Bend

Big Bend falls back to Ndongo, but Mbabane has recovered its damage. Move your units in, Nzinga!

47: Thulish Thule

Javraganak makes peace with Pawhuska. Pituffik is now the only one of the once-numerous Thule exclaves left. We also observe the worrying sparsity of the Thule core. That said, the only civilization who could even move against them is the Yellowknives, and they’re otherwise occupied at the moment.

48: Rats

Moving their army to the front, Singapore has fended off the Siamese attack, and is now making some offensive progress against Ratchapuri and Bac Giang. Chanthaburi, at least, looks secure enough to remain Siamese for now. For their part in the coalition, the Khoshuts look to be doing nothing. Great work!

49: Mother Anarchy Abandons Her Son

The powers of North America meet, and even in the midst of bloody war, they agree that anarchy is a dangerous ideology that needs to be exterminated. The Qarmatians and Bavaria, trying to make some new friends, unfortunately mistranslate the memo and declare war on Royal Hungary instead. Ludwig finds himself at war with his old foe Elizabeth once again.

50: Castle Csejte Conundrum

He surrounds Csejte on almost all relevant sides. It might not be the most impressive army, but even this can probably take a single city.

51: Fleeting Resistance

We see that Taos did indeed fall again last turn. Háák’u and Ohkay Owingeh are back under Pueblo’s control for now, but their days are numbered.

52: Peaceful Pampa

Down in Pampa Koani, they don’t even know they’re at war. They fish and farm and make merry, and think that the lack of communication means that the capital just forgot about them. They may see strange boats off in the distant sea, and be woken occasionally by an strange orange glow in the north, but nothing could happen in sleepy Pampa Koani.

53: Solving a Problem That Doesn’t Yet Exist

Gwanggaeto chooses to bring mostly Triplanes to the front. An interesting choice, seeing as his victims don’t have any tech that would require that, but maybe he just wants to flex.

Meanwhile, Rijkuo-Maja, realising she’s too close to maybe doing something, peaces out with Makhno. Phew, close one.

54: Bora Barrage

Tiwanaku’s final units in the east are vanquished, Bora-Bora triumphantly claiming both Wankane and Pucara, denying Ecuador the opportunity. It even looks like Puni is the one closing in on Ojjo in the west.

55: England Extends

The Visigoths make peace with England, giving up on Emerita, but saving Barcino for now. They also kick Sierra Leone back out of Palencia, although there are a lot of hungry privateers in the Mediterranean looking for a chance at glory. Speaking of Sierra Leone, in the corner they settle *inaudible* Point in the ruins of Reccopolis.

56: Banished to the Mountains

Goguryeo marches back into Erlitou, and it seems like they’ll stay there. Dawenkou has been bombed into the deep red already, but it’ll be a little while until the land forces catch up. Daji uses the dwindling city stores for her decadence, plugging her ears to try and muffle the noise of the planes.

57

Ignoring the Bavarian units closing in, the vampire queen sends a lone crossbow contingent on a hopeless mission to retake Kassa.

58: Moebius N & M

Is this slide the same as the last one we saw of this war? I think it might be. Maybe Ana Nzinga and Labotsibeni Mdluli are stuck in a strange time loop, unable to escape. Meeting over and over again, only able to rely on each other, they slowly realise that the only way to escape the endless now is to…

Sorry, where was I?

59: Completing the O-Don

A lone O-Don Guard retakes Baaxawuaashaliiko for the Osage. Unfortunately, the pikeman replacement will not last against the guns of the north.

60: Rapt Ratchaburi

Singapore’s boats rush into Ratchaburi, almost cutting Bac Giang off from the rest of the Siamese empire. Elsewhere, the fighting is still fierce for now, Chanthaburi even able to heal. The Siamese army is disappearing however, with the north very empty if someone wanted to attack there. Whoever that someone might be, we know who it isn’t, because for their part in the coalition, the Khoshuts look to be doing nothing. Great work!

61: Needsanempirefix

Angry over the recent failure of his Selkup invasion, Galdan Khan recruits Vercingetorix. Perhaps he should be looking at the softer target to his west?

62: The Long-Lost Lhasa

Never mind. The nations of the world meet, deciding that Gushi is an eyesore and they should all declare war on him. Laughing, Galdan Khan hits the ‘Declare War’ button, but too late realises that he still holds that ill-gotten gain from far too long ago.

Lhasa, its inhabitants having forgotten they were ever part of the Khoshuts, finds itself surrounded by enemies.

63: Pueblo Plunge

Not content to stop yet, Akaitcho continues to march his forces southward, the new capital of Kewa his next target. The Pueblo navy is big, but I can’t see any melee ships, so all they can do is delay the inevitable.

64: The Noongar Armada

A massive Noongar attack force is making its way across the Indian Ocean. Its goal is presumably the distant lands of Vijayanagara.

65: Ojjo no

Bora-Bora snubs Ecuador again, taking Ojjo. The Tiwanaku capital is ringed by Puni’s units and dropping in health. Hopefully, he can also join the three-capital club this episode.

66: Tordenskjold

Every day, the strange, red-painted ships draw closer to Pampa Koani. The fishers wave, but receive no reply. Regardless, life goes on. Nothing happens in sleepy Pampa Koani.The Norwegian admiral, the Thunder-Shield, sails in from the north.

67: Why Fight Over Snow?

Bora-Bora seems to be ignoring the Tiwanaku antarctic colonies. Perhaps they are rightly judged as having too little value compared to the juicy mainland.

68: Final Burgundy

Having finished with Leovigild for now, Henry turns his attention back to finishing off what’s left of Burgundy. It looks reachable, even with the Hungarian sightseers in the way.

69: Vanished Pink

All of the lost cities in Hawai’i are back in Goguryeo’s hands. Even if Singapore’s wild attack doesn’t leave any physical evidence, it still shows that even the biggest powers on the cylinder can bleed.

70: The End is Never the End is Never

Big Bend flips again. The time loop goes on.

71: Palenciaworld Sued

Thomas Peters takes back Palencia, and burns it down in a fit of rage. A small flock of privateers is also making a serious dent in Barcino. Finally, we get a better view of *inaudible*ing Tom’s Point.

72: Vampire Hunting

Rows upon rows of musketmen march relentlessly toward Csejte. Ludwig isn’t taking any chances now that Bathory is within his grasp.

73: Reversal of Fortunes

Not only have the Osage’s gains been undone, but now their founded city of Pa-Hiu-Cka is under threat, already blasted into the red by the relentless bombers of the north.

74: Karlis Ulmanis, Leader of the People

It happened easily in Latvia. Ulmanis was already dictator of the militarised country, so few of the downtrodden populace cared or even noticed as more and more of the many citadel commanders were replaced in their duties by the immortal Ulmanis. The dictator saw enemies on every side, and the only ally he could rely on was himself, as he always had.

75: Exiled to the Deep Mountains

Both of the final pair of Shang cities have been bombed into the black. Gwanggaeto seems to have forgotten to actually advance a melee unit, however.

76: Osage Out

Pawhuska achieves peace with Akaitcho, barely saving Pa-Hiu-Cka. Unfortunately for any future Osage aspirations, the Yellowknives look to take ownership of the string of citadels leading into their capital. If this war was any indicator, the Yellowknives will also be much better at using it than the Pueblo were.

77: Barcino Blockade

Cannons and boats clash in the ruins of Palencia. However, the navy attacking Barcino only swells greater, and the city seems like it could also fall. We also get a proper look at King Tom’s Point.

78: A War on Three Fronts

With a shot of the Khoshut empire as a whole, we can see that the former Harappan cities are being integrated well, but the army needs thickening. Both Bukhara and the Afsharids are also invading the Khoshuts by the way, but no cities are taking damage yet. Come to think of it, Gushi might not have been able to capitalise on the chance to retake Lhasa if he’d stuck himself in the southeast attacking Siam. Maybe all those turns of doing nothing in the coalition were actually a galaxy brained play to provoke the Dzungars into attacking him, not committing any units so they’d be ready for Lhasa? Food for thought.

79: Wreckage in the Deep

The Noongar and Vijayanagaran fleets clash in the Indian Ocean. Yagan brings the stronger firepower here, but a lot of his units are embarked, and Vijayanagara has a lot more reserves on defense before there’ll be fighting on land.

80: Disquieting Difference

Oh dear. Even just in the small slice of land around Minj, the Wahgi forces outshine Noongar’s in both quality and quantity. Maybe Yagan should focus on his home instead of attempting cross-continental attacks?

81: You Do Have to Take Capitals to Win the Game

…Huyustus makes peace with Bora-Bora, somehow escaping with his capital. Ecuador could still take it, but with only three tiles to work with and Bora-Boran units in the way, it’s possible that it’s beyond Moreno.

82: Peace Deal Pampa

No soul could sleep in Pampa Koani. The fishing boats lay in pieces at the bottom of the sea, and the fields were run through with weeds and ashes. Just as the last ramshackle walls crumbled under piratical cannonfire, the news finally arrived from the north: the city had been turned over to Bora-Bora for peace. The only thing to be done now was to get back to fishing, farming, and making merry, just as they had before.

83: Free Snow

The Antarctic cities of Wariwillca and Piquillacta are also given to Bora-Bora for peace. Tiwanaku is left now with only a capital, and one under attack.

84: A Land-Sea Inequality

We get a shot of the great Zheng empire. Burned by his past loss against Wahgi, Koxinga has carpeted his seas hard, wary of the naval powers to his south and east. However, his land, in contrast, is starkly empty, and I don’t know how much resistance Zheng could provide if Goguryeo decides to keep expanding south once its finished with the corpse of Shang.

85: Abra, Cadabra, Ala-kazan!

Kazan has a similarly sparse land carpet, but with no impressive navy to make up for it - they’re just bad. They only saving grace for Moxammadamin is his fortuitous surroundings - the Selkups would have to work through the Urals, Latvia is similarly lacking in units, and Makhnovia and the Kalmyks are even worse than Kazan is.

86: Militarising Mexico

We get a shot of Mexico next, a once-powerful contender that’s been fairly inactive for a while. Their land carpet is good, and their stats are strong. Now would be the perfect time to slurp up the remains of Pueblo, or even to make an attack on the wounded or distracted Osage or Ecuador.

87: New Holland, Same Old Problems

For a top tier power, New Holland has been fairly unimpressive, riding to the top off strong stats alone. They appear to have left their core empty to migrate an army through Ecuadorian territory. They seem to be on good terms with Mexico given the open borders, so maybe Taino is the target here?

88: Pretty Purple Pontus

Pontus next, who’ve made various moves through the game, demonstrating themselves as a solid mid-tier power. They are blessed with plenty of soft targets: Makhnovia, Kalmyks, Bavaria, Qarmatians, and they could probably put a dent in the Afsharids too, if they wanted to.

89: Plaintive Palawa

Next up, Palawa. They had a strong start, but seem to have become boxed in, having no success in war with Noongar or Bora-Bora, despite repeated attempts. Honestly, their best bet for expansion might be Tehuelche, which doesn’t bode too well.

90: Sprawling Selkups

The Selkups are next on the list. For having been recently able to intimidate the Dzungars into giving up their gains, the army shown here doesn’t seem too overwhelming. For our fish-loving friends, the best target might be Mongolia again? There’s some pretty harsh terrain in all directions, really, so the actual best plan for expansion here is probably to unlock planes.

91: Yellow Knives, Golden Ambition

With a shot of the Yellowknife core, we can see that the great southern conquest might be very successful, but it has also drained the north of units. If the Faroes woke up, they could probably secure the coastal city of P’iwweltha at minimum.

92: Wowing Wahgi

The Wahgi core now, showing off a terrifying tech lead. The only weakness they have is that their unit composition is heavily slanted toward the land, while they will need to attack by sea on most fronts, but that won’t slow them down too much were they to move. Their planes are concentrated in the west - perhaps Zheng should be scared?

93: State of the World, part II

Time for some megamap slides. Here is the cylinder in its newest state, showing off the momentous southern conquests of both Goguryeo and the Yellowknives of late, as well as the growing proportion of South America controlled by Bora-Bora.

94: Islands of Peace

The only nations at peace are the Faroes, Saba-D’mt, Ikko-Ikki and Bora-Bora.

95: Feed the World

I believe this one shows a civilization’s food situation. Tiwanaku, the Visigoths, Royal hungary, Makhnovia, and Pueblo are all understandably struggling to feed themselves, but they are interestingly joined by the Finns, Kalmyks, Afsharids, and Siam. The Nivkh, Mexico, and Taino are all ‘Booming’!

96: Global Happiness Index

Ecuador, Sierra Leone and the Ume Sámi are all mired in unhappiness. Among others, Goguryeo and Bora-Bora are celebrating their conquests with a golden age.

97: Money, Money, Money

This one is interesting. Most of the world is TXT_KEY_LEGEND_JFD_, as you’d expect, but the large powers of the Faroes and Bora-Bora are TXT_KEY_LEGEND_JFD_! Things are even worse for some of the tiny nations - the Finns, Alaouites, Kalmyks, Makhnovia and Royal Hungary are all TXT_KEY_LEGEND_JFD_.

98: Faith, Faith, Faith

The religions of the world are reaching their furthest extents, with only a few pockets of land left, likely being converted back and forth.

99: Preparing the Stake and Garlic

Back to the action, Csejte is down to red, and it seems that Elizabeth Bathory’s end is nigh. A settler tries to flee to the east, but will need to get through hostile Makhnovia to be free.

100: Ana Nzinga, Twisting Queen

It happened silently in Ndongo. The long-stagnant empire of Ndongo and Matamba had grown numb to the world, the populace not caring who stood for them in the senate. No one even noticed when the names on the ballots weren’t real anymore, or when all the decrees of government were signed by Nzinga. Eventually, even the pretense was dropped, and only the immortal stood at the head of Ndongo, just as it had been when it all began.

101: Pawhuska, White Hair

It happened bloodily in Osage. Stumped and stymied at every turn, Pawhuska’s anger with the rest of the government grew more and more. With every lost battle, with every undone advance, the commander in charge was executed and the immortal stepped in, grasping the strands of his country like a spider weaving its web. Until, eventually, the sole leader in the lands of the Osage was once again Pawhuska.

102: Barcino Burning

The Sierra Leone navy sweeps into Barcino, setting it alight as well. Seeing as all the Visigoths have to defend the city with is a settler, it seems unlikely to flip.

103: Not Sarcastic This Time

Lhasa falls into the red, and the Khoshuts are holding off the western aggressors pretty well too. Surprisingly competent here, given their reputation. Great work!

104: The End

In the final slide of this week’s episode, Ishtar uncovers the designs that Kennyo has on Siam. Perhaps he has heard they’re stuck in a difficult war? If he wants to do anything, however, he’s on the wrong side of Zheng to reach there.

I’ve been Rhoze, and thanks for reading (or listening!).

Episode 29: The Dictator Plague – S4

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