Civ Battle Royale April 03, 2024
NopeCopter & SiegeSquirrel61
The chaos of the early game continues as fortunes are reversed in an instant and some lucky powers begin to cement their seats at the top. But some of those seats might not be safe quite yet…
Hello and welcome back to the CBRX Season 4! I’m NopeCopter, aka u/daXfactorz, and I’m one of your narrators for today alongside the wonderful SiegeSquirrel61. Despite a bit of chaos behind the scenes, this episode’s got some serious action, so prepare yourself.
For this episode’s map fix, look no further than u/anarcho-balkan’s CBRX Overlay Map, which compares the civs’ current borders to the modern-day borders of our world. I like it, it really puts things into perspective!
This week also marks a momentous occasion: the first new civball since the game’s start, as Palawa’s triangular antics net them a new look on the Power Rankings. Will their settling patterns continue this episode? It would be really funny if they did.
A massive thanks to all of the wonderful Ko-Fi supporters who keep the CBRX afloat! Your donations are massively appreciated, and keep this lovely little internet game running.
Last episode saw the surprise rise of Shang to first place on the Power Rankings thanks to their massive military and production base! This was unexpected, but they’ve definitely earned their spot at the top - but can they keep it? Let’s find out!
Kicking things off we finally have Sierra Leone living up to their reputation as absolute shitpost settle legends, placing Waterloo on the coast of modern-day Algeria. Unfortunately, while the city is funny, it’s not exactly defensible - more than likely, it’ll end up being a free capture for Rome or the Alaouites down the line, rather than doing anything to box them in. Who knows, though? We’ve seen more far-flung colonies succeed, and for all we know this could be an elaborate trap to bait the Alaouites into declaring a losing war.
The Ikko-Ikki have built Gobekli Tepe, which is a normally rather underwhelming wonder that’s actually pretty powerful in these specific hands! Gobekli Tepe provides 2 extra Faith for every worked Stone and Marble tile in the city it’s in, and with three Quarries visible, that’s pretty solid. The Ikko-Ikki do already have a religion, so it won’t help there, but that Faith bonus is still nice to have when the Ikko-Ikki get some solid bonuses out of spreading their religion. More interestingly, though, depending on how that extra Faith works, the Ikko-Ikki might be getting something out of their UA with this wonder, too - the Ikko-Ikki UA gives cities extra military production for every bit of Faith produced by their tiles, so if Gobekli Tepe causes Stone and Marble sources to generate Faith (rather than the wonder itself generating extra Faith based on the number of sources), that means the Ikko-Ikki just got a massive boost to their military production! It’s hard to say whether this will help these peasant rebels turn their lackluster start around, but it certainly doesn’t hurt.
The Osage may have gotten off to a strong early start by crippling their fated rivals the Shawnee, but that success comes at the cost of notoriety. It seems they’ve drawn the attention of the worst possible civ, too: the Pueblo, masters of western North America, have declared war! The Pueblo military is admittedly quite meager right now, only fielding Warriors and Archers, but there’s practically no defensive terrain in the way of an invasion aside from a few easily-bypassed rivers. If the Pueblo can mobilize their forces, they could easily take a city or two from the Osage… and from there, everything in the USA west of the Mississippi would be all theirs.
Speaking of land grabs, Tiwanaku is a civ expected to do well that a lot of people have been unimpressed with thus far. Their prospects might change real soon, though, as two more Settlers head out into the lush, fertile, completely empty Amazon. Sure, they don’t really have a military, and there is a Riograndense force standing ominously outside Lukurmata, but given how hard it is to mount a proper invasion in South America, they’ll probably have all the time in the world to build up some defenses before it becomes truly necessary.
In other, more important news, though, I spy a Bora-Bora Settler walking through the Atacama Desert in the south. Where are you off too, little buddy?
Tiwanaku’s prospects are actually further helped by their religion, of all things - the Faith Healers pantheon heals their units adjacent to friendly cities, which means their smaller garrisons will be a lot harder to break… provided they can spread Pachaism, that is. Open Sky is also helpful with all those Plain tiles (the yellow grass tiles) around the Tiwanaku core.
The Rozvi siege of Mbabane continues, but it’s really not going anywhere - the Rozvi are almost out of units, and the city is just too well-defended. Eswatini does have another Settler now, though, so they could still do some more damage to Eswatini’s future prospects here. Still, it’s probably about time for a peace deal.
In a shocking turn of events, this IS the Strong Latvia game, as Makhnovia decides to make the boldest decision of all: on the verge of taking Rezekne, they not only surrender, but give up their second city of Ekaterinoslav (which was in no danger whatsoever) for peace in a war they started! Regardless of my own feelings on city gifting as a mechanic, this has all but doomed Makhnovia while basically cementing Latvia as a major power. They have complete control over the fertile Russian heartland, no more immediately threatening enemies (Royal Hungary and Kazan lack nearby militaries), and they’re not even done expanding! It’s a good day to be a Latvia fan. (Oh, and that’s Mexico that just declared war on the Osage. Probably not all too relevant with the Pueblo in the way, but you never know.)
The Khoshuts, the beautiful lovechild of the Dalai Lama and a rogue Khan, are expanding nicely, but there’s just one problem: they’re grabbing the worst land first. Rather than settling the fertile Bengal region, they’re instead fortifying their native Himalayas, which will make it much harder to break out if someone else settles the region first. And unfortunately for them, Siam looks ready to do that right now.
The Shawnee may be a rump state doomed to irrelevance, but at least they have a religion to serve as their legacy in this game!... or at least, that’s what I would say, if the Seneca didn’t just found their own religion right next door. We’ll take a look at their beliefs in a moment, but for now, pour one out for poor ol’ Tecumseh of the Shawnee.
As if things couldn’t get worse for the Finns, the Ume Sami have already decided enough is enough, and they’ve declared war on their weaker Nordic neighbors! At first glance, the Finnish city of Rapolan looks doomed, and it’s basically guaranteed to fall eventually given how indefensible it is. But on closer inspection, the Ume Sami military is… kind of underwhelming. They’ve only got half a dozen combat units or so anywhere near Rapolan, and they’re all Warriors and Archers. And given Rapolan is surrounded by forest and situated on a hill, that won’t be nearly enough to take it. Heck, even if Rapolan does fall, the Finns have another Settler ready to replace it, which I doubt the Ume Sami will be able to catch before it settles. Not a good sign for the future if even an undefended out-of-place colony looks to be trouble.
Tiwanaku drops an incredibly bold settlement right on the doorstep of both New Holland and Rio Grande! It’s not too disconnected from the rest of their empire, either - if they can hold it long enough to fortify it, this could completely change the trajectory of the South American continent. If they can’t, though… well, hey, free city for someone else. Tiwanaku also has another Settler headed south, ready to block Rio Grande right in. It’s a bold strategy, but with Rio Grande seemingly pointing their military towards Ecuador or maybe even somewhere further north, it just might work.
Here we can see Tiwanaku’s new Reformation belief, Society of the Faithful, We can also take a look at the Ume Sami beliefs, which are perfect for allowing them to spread their religion far and wide - combining extra Faith from their abundant Tundra tiles with lower Faith costs for Missionaries and Great Prophets, they’ll be able to pump out religious units like nobody’s business.
Here’s a look at the Seneca religion, too - their beliefs are all tailored toward generating Culture, it seems, which will be nice for grabbing up tiles and policies if nothing else. The Pagodas belief text does seem to be wrong, though - it should allow the building of Pagodas for extra Faith, Religion, and Happiness. We can also see the very strong Ikko-Ikki religion, giving them extra Faith from Coastal tiles, which combines super well with their “military production for Faith generation from tiles” UA. I assume Council Fires gives extra Faith and Culture for cities with 10 or more followers, not Culture and more Culture.
Pyongyang is suddenly looking to be in a LOT of trouble as the Nivkh completely surround the city and begin dealing heavy damage. Leading the charge is the unique Nivkh Archer, the Kakh Tu, which packs a Woodsman promotion and the ability to transform to and from the naval Kakh Mu in coastal cities. With a good couple melee units scattered in the mix as well, this might actually be enough to knock down Goguryeo’s undefended northern colony, especially in such large numbers.
Mongolia is pretty big, but unfortunately, they’re not exactly packing a top-of-the-line military right now, which is unfortunate for a civ currently at war with practically all of its neighbors. Thankfully for the Mongol queen Sorghaghtani, nobody else really has any organized forces in the area, either - at most, there are a few scattered Shang units patrolling the region and gathering around Banpo. In particular, there are a lot of Yue Axemen around, which gain random promotions for every policy tree the Shang have unlocked, and also prevent pillaging around themselves. Being a Spearman replacement, this is only a moderately threatening unit, but it’s still a whole lot better than Mongolia’s Warriors…
Bukhara stands in the crossroads of West Asia’s most powerful civs, most notably Kazakhstan and the Afsharids. Unfortunately, this often very aggressive and expansive civilization just doesn’t seem to be giving much effort in this game, content to simply live a peaceful existence along the Syr Darya and Amu Darya rivers. Their military is quite strong, mind you - they’re packing quite a few Chariot Archers - so at the very least, they won’t be run over too quickly. However, if they don’t start expanding quickly, all they’ll ever be is a barrier between two mightier powers.
Peace has begun to return to Europe after a brutal last episode. The Visigoths and Royal Hungary no longer have the capacity to threaten Burgundy or Bavaria, respectively, and everyone in the region seems to be building up enough of a military to keep themselves safe for the time being. Well, aside from Burgundy, that is - their forces are still looking a bit meager, so a strong, concentrated assault could still knock them down. Nobody’s really in a position to do that, though. Bavaria has the numbers but is currently fighting Royal Hungary, the Visigoths are exhausted, the Romans are trapped, and England… well, England’s looking decently strong, but I’m just not sure they have the numbers for an inland invasion just yet.
The Pueblo have not yet moved any forces toward the Osage, but what they HAVE done is founded a new religion. We’ll get to their beliefs in a moment, but first, how about that standing army? More specifically, how… underwhelming it is after looking at it closely. It looks big because it’s all grouped together, sure, but it’s mostly Warriors and Archers, and their one Chariot Archer has a bit of rough terrain to get through before reaching the great plains. It’s not bad, mind you, but I’m not sure if an invasion of the Osage would be as free as I expected it to be.
The Pueblo aren’t the only civs to secure a religion on this turn, though, because the Taino also manage it! Their religion is Catholicism - I assume their primary religion was taken, because that seems a little odd for a first religion considering I don’t think the Taino had really converted to Christianity by Agueybana II’s time. Regardless, they have a religion now, and it’s a great excuse to take a look at them. X4’s ACTUAL Caribbean civ has done a decent job of locking down the islands (which is more than can be said for every civ in the region since the Buccaneers), but they need to act fast if they want to have any shot at the real money: South America. They still have time, but New Holland, Ecuador, and possibly even Tiwanaku will be grabbing up that land much sooner than is comfortable, and three cities in the Caribbean just won’t cut it. They’re also kind of lacking a military, although their unique Great General the Cacique is present, causing cities to generate extra Culture and Faith from farms upon spawning and costing no maintenance.
With the settling of Pokotia in a surprisingly well-positioned spot in the Gran Chaco plains, Rio Grande has been well and truly boxed in. Tiwanaku has just sort of put the last nail into the coffin, sure, but New Holland and even Bora-Bora are also to blame *you can see a Bora-Bora city’s borders just peeking out at the bottom of the image). It’s not over for Rio Grande yet, mind you, but they’d better act fast if they want to break out and be anything more than a rump state. Helping their chances is a lucky source of Cattle, which Rio Grande can uniquely also use as a source of Horses for mounted units. Judging by the number of Chariot Archers they have, I’d say they’re putting this to good use already.
And now let’s actually take a peek at these new religions! The Taino pantheon is pretty solid, spreading faster with Oral Tradition and generating extra faith from followers (in the capital, I assume?). It’s a shame they don’t really gain much from having a religion (aside, of course, from being able to start holy wars), but at least their Temples generate extra Production and Science.
And now for Kachina, the Pueblo religion. Extra Faith, Production, and Culture from the buffed Stone Circles belief, extra Gold for every foreign city following the religion, and the ability to build Madrasas are all very useful individually, but the Madrasas are actually extra great. The unique Pueblo Composite Bowman replacement, the Lada:kwe, gains a bonus against wounded enemy units based on the number of religious buildings in its home city. The Madrasa is, I presume, a religious building. Thus, stronger Lada:kwe.
Bukhara takes on a Pantheon, and it’s a pretty solid pick for a civ that isn’t really gunning for a religion. God of War provides extra Production for Barracks, which can of course be funneled into unit production to create an extra powerful army just a bit quicker. Bukhara will definitely need it, too - Kazakhstan has another Settler out, Kazan has already demonstrated their aggression, and while the Afsharids seem friendly for now, they’re only getting stronger. (If those Afsharid Caravans are heading into Bukharan lands, then that might be even better for their military prospects than the pantheon - Bukhara’s UA gives trained units extra movement for every trade route going into or out of the city they were trained in.) Speaking of aggression, though, what’s that I see over on the sidebar…?
That’s right, England is launching an invasion of Burgundy! This is… certainly a bold move. While England’s forces on the mainland look decent, and Burgundy seems a bit exhausted, I’m not personally liking the odds of England taking anything for one big reason: Burgundy’s city spacing. One of the AI’s classic blunders is splitting their forces to attack multiple cities at once, leading to a completely ineffectual assault, and Burgundy lacks an obvious target for England’s forces to focus on. Still, though, crazier things have happened, and if England is smart they just might be able to walk away with a genuine presence in Europe proper.
The Rozvi, still desperately trying to attack Mbabane with almost no units remaining, recruit Prince Friedrich Carl Nicolaus as a Great General. In the real world, Prince Friedrich was a major force behind Prussia’s famous military reforms that made them a force to be reckoned with on the European theater, and led victorious armies against the French and Austrians. Can he help the Rozvi achieve the same success here? Probably not, honestly. It’d be better for them to quit while they’re ahead and regroup before that scary-looking Ndongo army gets any ideas…
The first real skirmishes between Shang and Mongolia take place in the no woman’s land between Karakorum and Banpo. Honestly, while there’s still no organized force moving towards Mongolia, I’m getting less and less sure that this war will be a dud. There are plenty of Shang units around Yinxu and Zhaoge, many of which seem to be making their way toward the front lines, and of course Shang has a massive production base for this stage in the game. Now that they’re showing intent to actually follow up on their war declaration, all they need to do is not split their units and concentrate their forces, and Mongolia could be in serious trouble. Honestly, Karakorum looks like a better target than Old Sarai, too - there’s no river to cross in the middle, only some easily-bypassed hills a couple tiles out, so I could genuinely see the Mongolian capital falling first. Then again, Old Sarai is severely lacking in defense, so what do I know.
The English assault has begun, and unfortunately, it looks like they’re falling directly into that classic blunder of splitting their troops. Without anything stronger than Spearmen, taking anything will be extremely difficult now. Worse yet for the English (or better yet for the Burgundians), the VIsigoths have formally made peace, so Burgundy now has only one front to worry about. Granted, the Visigoths look absolutely exhausted anyways, so it’s a wise choice on their part to cut their losses and focus on building up for another assault later down the line. At this rate, Burgundy could end up repeating the classic Anglo-Dutch maneuver of surviving countless early-game invasions virtually unscathed and coming out a dark horse contender for the continent, only without the unbreakable early-game wall of Brandenburg to the east… now that would be a sight to see.
Dai Viet’s religion has been enhanced already (really showing the benefits of their pantheon choice), but even more importantly, they’ve got a new Settler moving west. While breaking the “historically-accurate Vietnamese border” trend is kind of sad, it’s also a great sign for their chances - with a fairly strong Zheng to the north, boxing Siam in as much as possible is about the best play Dai Viet could make. Siam doesn’t have much of a military, either, so settling in their face isn’t all that risky. (And hey, it’s not like Laos or Cambodia have never historically fallen under Vietnamese control or influence…)
Pyongyang is taken deep into the yellow by the Nivkh onslaught, which hardly seems to have thinned at all since we last saw this front! The Kakh Tu is still putting in plenty of work, and there’s a good half-dozen or so melee units ready to take the city once the ranged onslaught knocks it low enough. There’s no way Goguryeo would be able to flip Pyongyang once it’s captured, either - not only is their army notably outdated compared to Nivkh’s, not only is it seemingly made entirely of Archers, but Goguryeo hasn’t even bothered sending a single up from Gungnae to try and relieve the siege. It’s almost like they’re trying to lose Pyongyang!
A better look at Siam confirms that, yes, their military really is nonexistent. But the inevitable boxing in by Dai Viet aside, their empire doesn’t actually look half-bad. Samut Songkram is a coveted canal city (and one that’s actually pretty relevant, given Singapore holds the Strait of Malacca), all of their cities have coastal tiles without being too easy to assault by sea, and while Nakhon Ratchasima is definitely in a hard-to-defend spot, it’s also surrounded by fertile land that’ll make it extremely valuable if Siam can keep it. Still, though, Rama V of Siam had better act fast if he wants to stay in the game - both Dai Viet and the Khoshuts seem to be eyeing up lands near their borders, and without a military, the cramped Southeast Asia region could easily suffocate them before they even really get a chance to test their mettle.
Normally a Declaration of Friendship isn’t anything that important, but for the Crow, seeing the Yellowknives and Pueblo getting along is a very bad sign. This game’s northern denizens of the Great Plains have a pretty solid empire in a vacuum, but they’re unfortunately situated between two very tough neighbors. To the south, the Pueblo are expanding rapidly and choking out all their competition early on, and they’ll only get harder to break from here. To the north, meanwhile, the Yellowknives are expanding rapidly - they have four cities, with two more Settlers visible in this screenshot! And while the Crow military doesn’t look half bad (they could easily take Ohkay Owingeh right now), the risk of a two-front war might just be too much. They’re definitely not out of this yet, but the Crow’s situation is a lot more precarious than expected for this point in the game.
And as the clock strikes Turn 50, we go now to a new narrator! I’m u/SiegeSquirrel42, or SiegeSquirrel61 on Discord if you’re not into the whole Reddit thing, and I… have been here a while, actually. I discovered the CBR in middle school - no memory of how - and have been following since about halfway through Mk.2, although it wasn’t until X1 that I fully stopped lurking. CBR’s been a huge part of my life and is where I’ve made a bunch of friends, so I’m excited to finally get to give back, in a way, by helping narrate an episode. So let’s stop talking about me and get to that.
Here we have a view of New Guinea, home sweet home for fan favorites the Wahgi. They’ve ranked among our most enthusiastic expansionists thus far, settling their seventh city, dubbed Kundiawa, on a one-tile island which if I am not mistaken corresponds to IRL Kiribati. There are certainly worse places to live. That settler looking to make it eight may well discover one of them, as they’re seemingly heading for Maguindanao waters. A war between the two would certainly be interesting, but I’m not sure how it would go. Bol’im enjoys a clear advantage in terms of sheer imperial size, but Muhammad Kudarat’s people are technologically superior and possess a much better production-per-city rating. Neither the WAH nor the Mag, however, have any combat experience this early on. They’ve enjoyed two millennia of peace in their respective island paradises - but how much longer will that last?
Other parts of the Cylinder haven’t been so lucky as to share in the Australasians’ isolation. The Osage have declared war on Rio Grande and Ecuador, which, while not important, does highlight their willingness to choose violence this early on.
The Palawa have been no less expansive than the Wahgi, and like them now have seven cities with an eighth on the way - and a ninth to follow it, with another settler having just left Pataway. The new city of Kripikara, for its part, marks this season’s first settlement on Aotearoa. These isles have a storied history in the CBR - home of some of the most famous moments in Mk2 and a Pacific empire in X1. But this time, for the first time since X2, no civ starts here. For now at least, New Zealand belongs to various species of flightless bird and a few thousand Palawa colonists, eking out a living on the west coast of South Island. What fresh silliness will befall these lands in the eras to come, we do not yet know.
In tangentially related news, I find myself wondering whether the art of cartography has advanced enough that Tarenorerer is aware of her empire’s memetically triangular shape. I suspect not - Compass is a medieval era tech, after all.
Departing the antipode for now, let’s take a look at Europe. Those of you given to watching the notification bar will have spotted a series of peace treaties in the last two slides. Sure enough, the Visigoths and Rome have made peace with Burgundy. From a purely capture-based standpoint, it’s status quo ante bellum - Autun, as I suspected it would, remains in Burgundian hands. However, I would consider this a mild Visigothic victory. Leovigild has demonstrated his superiority by capturing Autun, even if it didn’t stick, and he’s also shown he can project force beyond the Pyrenees, which of course bodes well. Burgundy, meanwhile, can now afford to focus on driving off the English, who have reached the gates of Dijon and Beaune, albeit with a small and disorganized force.
Meanwhile, Bavarian spearmen clash with Hungarian archers in northern Austria, looking for a way to retake Regensburg from the Bloody Countess’ grip. I don’t like their chances, but I do have hope for them. Further south, a Roman settler prepares to make a questionable decision.
What makes someone immortal? For the leader of a civilization, it’s the gift of the Bablyonians who placed them there and the game that facilitates it all, enabling them to live forever, so long as their civilization does. For everyone else, the best hope is that they can leave behind a legacy. With any luck, their name may well survive longer than even some of the “real” immortals. Perhaps that’s why one enterprising Maguindanao sea-lord commissioned the grandest possible tomb for himself and his wife on the coastline south of Simuay. This tomb will be recognized as a wonder of the world for its magnificent architecture, and the lord will lend his name to a byword for an ornate aboveground resting place. Long after he’s gone, perhaps even after his liege Kudarat is gone, this wonder will stand, so in a way the lord will get his wish, as he lives on in death in the memories of all those who see his Mausoleum.
Maguindanao has built the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus! As wonders go, it’s nothing special: a free 100 Gold whenever a Great Person is expended, which doesn’t have any particular synergy with Mag’s uniques, and +2 Gold from sources of Marble or Stone, which Mag hasn’t got. Great excuse to wax philosophical and write some lore, though.
The Rozvi did well for themselves in the last episode, taking the city of Lobamba off their rivals Eswatini, and here we see them succeed in making peace and keeping that city. They may not have managed to take Mbabane, but they certainly won a key early victory over the civ they most needed to worry about.
Unfortunately for them and their fans, all that that really accomplished was transferring the title of “civ the Rozvi most need to worry about” to the Ndongo. So, naturally, Nzinga has chosen the most opportune moment imaginable to declare war. Changamire Dombo’s army is depleted and has no spearmen, leaving Khami highly vulnerable to Ndongo invasion. I tend to be skeptical of any war in the double-digit turns, but I’d be shocked if Ndongo didn’t get at least one city out of this.
And now we get a proper shot of that Bora-Bora city we saw the borders of earlier. Patio does indeed serve as the patio of Bora-Bora’s backyard, a window onto South America for the island civ. They’ve got another settler in the Cone as well, so it’s entirely possible we could see Bora-Bora become a genuine part of the balance of power in South America. I won’t lie, this is exactly what I was hoping for from them. The Pacific islands and South America are reliably the most boring regions in every CBR season, so encouraging them to interact can really only improve the situation as far as I’m concerned.
Also the Tehuelche are here. They’re not doing a whole lot. It’s a shame, really. I’ve always liked the gray and red color scheme, but the civs that have it never seem to deliver. It does say something that the most interesting civ in South America right now is Bora-Bora.
The Alaouites have adopted a religion, Fat Roog. In our world, this is the polytheistic religion of the Serer people, native to Senegal, The Gambia and Mauritania. Its most important deity is Roog, the omnipresent creator, who operates through his agents, a class of spirits called the Pangool, represented by snakes. In this world… well, we’ll see when we get to the beliefs slide.
Meanwhile, the Alaouites remain on two cities, but have built no less than three settlers. They’d better use them quickly and wisely, as the Sierra Leoneans are sending another settler north, presumably to claim more of North Africa before their potential rivals can.
The Pueblo settle another city, P’ohwhoge Owingeh, expanding their Californian territories further. Po’pay clearly intends to consolidate his hold over as much of the West as he can, and so far it’s working. That being said, however, I can’t help but worry that the Pueblo empire may soon find itself overextended. Their attempts at military action to rein in the warmongering Osage to their east have not worked, and their northern frontier at Ohkay Owingeh is wide open if Joe Medicine Crow ever decides to lead a war party in that direction. In a civ with no road system, can any city spread over this large a territory, with this many neighbors, really be efficiently defended?
(Fun side note: I’ve actually been to Taos Pueblo IRL! I highly recommend it if you’re ever in that part of New Mexico.)
The Faroese have settled Hoyvik on the far west coast of Greenland. Perhaps they’re pursuing an American strategy, rather than the British strategy many people have been hoping for, or perhaps they’re simply trying to grab what they can. Given their start, I can’t blame them. They certainly seem intent on reinforcing and expanding their claim to the world’s largest and most misleadingly named island (thanks, Erik), judging by the fleet’s worth of Grindadraps currently rounding the southern end. These Work Boat replacements aren’t expended when creating improvements, and while such improvements take longer to make, they claim tiles around them when completed, making them ideal for expanding a resource colony.
Unbeknownst to the Faroese Greenlanders, an English scouting party has already outpaced them. Making their way through the ice-choked coastal corridor, they have found a new and much more fertile land, which, with a patriotic disregard for logistics, they have claimed in the name of King Henry. There is much they do not know, either. They don’t know just how vast the lands that lie beyond their newfound land truly are. They don’t know what things no European has ever seen await them there. And they don’t know that there are civilizations there too, as old as their own and no less noble - indeed in some cases outright stronger. In time, perhaps, they and the Faroese alike will learn.
Here we have the tenets of Fat Roog. The Alaouites already considered Ismail bin Sharif to be a living god, but now, this assertion has gained a clearer connotation. Ismail, the priests say, is a human Pangool - an agent of Roog, responsible for interceding on behalf of the Alaouite people. The new religion also seeks the establishment of interfaith dialogue with the polytheistic Visigoths to their north and the proto-religious civs surrounding them, which in time will aid their science output. Finally, they’ve taken the Bacchanalia belief, granting extra Culture from Luxury Resources - which actually synergizes a bit with the Alaouite UA. Ruby of the Farthest West’s secondary effect is to grant +2 Food in the capital for each imported Luxury Resource, further encouraging the establishment of an active trade network.
The Ume Sami are one of the game’s more favored competitors at the moment, standing to benefit from a Scandinavia that’s theirs for the taking and the Finns’ less-than-optimal settling patterns. However, to date they have struggled to take advantage of the latter. The thick woodlands of OTL Sweden and Finland stifle attempts at organized warfare. Technology is also not on their side: both civs appear to still be in the Ancient Era. The locally available military “tech,” still composed mostly of copper, stone, wood and the odd bit of flint, simply isn’t all that useful at this stage of history. The Sami-Finnish war is thus limited to skirmishes between small warbands of archers and axemen in the forest between Mausjaure and Rapolan, and to a lesser extent between Arviesjavrrie and Kirmukarmun. No city appears at risk of falling, and both parties have even founded a new city each: the Finnish base of Kalliomaki, up on the coast of the White Sea, and the Ume Sami colony of Piteje, on the Norwegian coast not too far from OTL Alesund. The Ume Sami may well stand to fall further in the Power Rankings - although as a Finns fan myself, I can live with that.
Meanwhile, English explorers chart the southern coastline, even making a landing on Gotland. Another unit from much, much further afield has also found her way into the region: judging by the color scheme, that scout on the Karelian Isthmus can only be Mongolian. What must she think of the strange new lands and peoples she’s finding? Her trajectory has already taken her to the Selkups, Kazakhstan and perhaps Kazan and Latvia as well, and in a few more turns, she’ll have a report on the Finns to send home to Sorghaghtani.
While all this is happening, Ecuador enters the Classical Era.
Sallying forth from their fortress on the north coast, English troops proceed into France, threatening their enemy’s cities and even their capital as exhausted troops scramble to respond to King Henry V’s attack. However, in spite of early successes on England’s part, it’s unclear how sustainable their advance is.
…I’ll take “statements that apply to both real history and the CBR” for $600, Ken. So what makes the Cylinder different?
Well, for starters, England and Burgundy really only have Warriors, Archers and the occasional Spearman to work with. Consequently, I don’t like England’s odds of actually taking Dijon or Beaune. If they focused on only one of them, they might be able to knock it down before Charles can redistribute his army, most of which is still in Nancy. But as it stands, Henry is falling prey to a truth at least as old as the Anglo-French rivalry: never split the party.
In other news, the Roman settler is considering Corsica, whilst the Bavarians have fallen back to Munich. Regensburg, it appears, will be remaining in the hands of Royal Hungary. King Ludwig mopes in his castle, making plans for another counterattack but mostly hoping to simply defend his home from his nemesis. For her part, Elizabeth Bathory is hard at work preparing the troops for further expeditions, mopping up the last Bavarian warbands around Regensburg and installing a puppet governor in the city.
The situation of the Rozvi seems to be getting worse by the turn. Ndongo raiders have already struck the outskirts of Khami as their brothers and sisters maneuver to outflank the city. After the pyrrhic war with Eswatini, the warriors Dombo can call upon find themselves outnumbered by Nzinga’s army nearly five to one. In Danangombe, no one seems quite sure what to do or how to respond. In Lobamba, the dust of the last war has only just settled. And in Khami… well, most of the people in Khami are simply panicking. They have a few archers, but these are farmer folk, not fighters. Certainly not soldiers like the empire to their north. What can they do? They don’t know. Dombo might, but he doubts he has enough time to do it.
Labotsibeni Mdluli, meanwhile, is taking her sudden (if concerning) reprieve as an opportunity to recover, beginning to rebuild the pillaged tiles around Mbabane and deploying a settler to establish a new town that may replace the lost Lobamba. A guard of spearmen escorts the settler on its way out. Just in case. There’s been rumors of Ndongo war parties that somehow made it all the way to the coast. The two queens aren’t at war, and Mdluli is confident in her ability as a negotiator, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Further north, Mogadishu reaps the rewards of being removed from the bloody conflicts of the south, being the only civ able to conduct trade with both Ndongo and Rozvi. The path through the Great Rift Valley is treacherous, but the profit that awaits a brave caravan makes it all worth it. The Alaouite scout who made it across the Sahara and is now having to blaze a trail through the Congo Basin is rather less sanguine.
The Qarmatians came into this season highly anticipated, as it was believed they’d be a deadly, fast-moving, city-torching warmonger similar to their historical counterpart, giving the CBR a proper “villain civ” to face and overcome in the early game. I myself harbored a grand vision of a Qarmatian empire straddling the Middle East, to eventually be felled by a Harappan-Ndongo coalition, thereby setting the stage for a suitably anime old vs. new clash in the endgame.
Ndongo and Harappa are both doing well, but we may have to look elsewhere for our villain. The Qarmatians are decidedly not mongering anything at the moment. Indeed, with two cities to their name and no sign of a third coming, they’re frankly looking like a bit of a nothingburger. That being said, one must remember that a nothingburger in the CBR is probably an alright place to live by IRL standards. Al-Ahsa, untroubled by war, has grown to a prodigious size - indeed it might actually be the largest city on the Cylinder right now, in which case it’s the first city to surpass a million people according to the pop-value-to-real-population formula. (P^2.8, where P is the city’s on-screen pop value, then multiply by 1000. Have fun!) For what it’s worth, though, Abu Tahir al-Jannabi did take Honor: that Ransom Caravan, despite the name, is a Great General replacement. It lacks the ability to create a Citadel, but can be expended for a Gold and Production boost in the capital. If next to an enemy city when that city is captured, it also duplicates itself (twice if the city was Holy), though it’s anyone’s guess whether we’ll get to see that in action. The game’s still young.
That Makhnovist settler has indeed managed to get the Free Territory a new second city, Mariupol, making Ekaterinoslav a Latvian exclave. In theory, this could pave the way for the city to be liberated in the future. And to be fair, Makhno does benefit from enemy cities being in Anarchy, but I’m pretty sure that only works during war, so things still aren’t looking too good for him. As the scattered Black Army starts to regroup from the fiasco, another settler heads out, hoping to counter the next city Latvia has planned with one of their own. Makhno can still recover from this blunder. It won’t be easy - nor likely - but it is possible.
Their similarly luckless neighbors the Kalmyks also have a settler out, though where it’s going is not yet clear. In this part of the world, space is already starting to run out. With every new city settled, the selection of places where the next one can go gets less desirable.
After being roundly mocked for their failure to settle promptly, Saba-D’mt has seemingly decided to respond to the critics by deploying two settlers at once. Better late than never, I suppose, but this is a game of empire and conquest, and being late genuinely can make all the difference. On the other hand, Mogadishu hasn’t exactly been active, and the Mamluks…
Oh, the Mamluks have declared war on Saba-D’mt. That’s… probably going to amount to nothing whatsoever, honestly. One of the few benefits of playing tall in a domination-only game is a well-concentrated military, allowing Makeda to easily defend her little territory against the relatively disparate Mamluk invaders. This really doesn’t seem like a particularly clever war declaration on the part of Shajar al-Durr. Hell, if Makeda plays her cards right she might even be able to snag Damietta. At that point both sides deserve what they get - the Mamluks deserve to lose the city for letting it happen and Saba-D’mt deserves to keep the city for managing to pull off that level of glow-up. As it stands, however, I don’t actually think this war will end conclusively one way or the other. But then I’ve been wrong before…
There’s a spectrum of island civs in the early game. At one end, you get to be the Wahgi, blissfully isolated for a good long while as you build up your own little empire in miniature. At the other, you’re England, right in the face of your foes and functionally not that different from the mainlanders, however much you might hate to admit it. The Taino are somewhere in between. With no one starting on the Gulf except the Floridas (who I thought weren’t real during voting and who still might not be real), Agueybana II doesn’t have much to worry about at the moment. However, that doesn’t mean he’s unaware of the world around him and its troubles, nor is he uncaring. The Taino are now officially at war with the Osage. In practice, this means almost nothing. But it does highlight the fact that the Osage’s warmongering ways have made them unpopular. If only the Osage’s neighbors were better equipped to fight them, we might have quite the interesting coalition war in the near future.
In any case, the Taino have a good thing going in the Caribbean, with their fledgling religion and their very orderly line of cities. However, they’ve yet to capitalize on the amount of space they have by going for a fourth city. Mildly troubling.
That Wahgi settler I pointed out earlier founds Kuno on what I think is Morotai Island, just north of Ternate. It’s as good a vantage point as any from which to observe the shining, wonder-filled city of Simuay and the small, but dense Maguindanao realm. One day, Kuno will make either a weak link in the Wahgi defense, or a staging ground for a Wahgi invasion of the pirate civ. Perhaps both. Who knows?
Not to be outdone, Kudarat prepares to settle another city on the coast of Borneo, running up against the Singaporean frontier as he does so. Slowly but surely, these three civs are running out of space and time, and Maguindanao, unfortunately, is stuck in the middle.
Yes, folks, Goguryeo has weasled their way out of losing Pyongyang to the Nivkh at the last possible moment via a stupid peace treaty. I’m not going to dignify this with lore. Even if you actually like both the civs involved, treaties like this are kind of an anticlimax.
In other news, Goguryeo has founded a new city. Its name is Shin, which, either fittingly or ironically depending on your perspective, can mean “new” - but in Japanese, not Korean. (The Ikko-Ikki were unavailable for comment.)
Latvia, fresh from the “success” of the war with Makhnovia, declares war on Kazan. Karlis Ulmanis appears to harbor the kind of imperial ambitions that the CBR tries to foster in its competitors, which bodes well for the growing Latvia fandom. However, given the sheer amount of forest separating the two civs - not to mention the disconnected nature of Latvia’s supposedly investment-worthy eastern lands - make it difficult to impossible for either side to scrape together enough spears in one place to launch a proper offensive.
Moxammadamin certainly doesn’t seem concerned, as he’s settled the new city of Archa right on top of a very surprised Latvian scout. The group of colonists busily setting up their town on the banks of the Kama River are surprised too, to find a party of hostiles on their newly-built doorstep. The spearmen they wisely brought with them, on the other hand, are eager to take the Latvians on. They’ve heard tales about the victory over the Kalmyks - what Kazan hasn’t? - but they’ve never seen combat themselves. Now’s their chance to test their mettle against the “warmongering westerners.” Assuming, of course, that the scouting party doesn’t make their getaway before the people whose newly-claimed land they’re trespassing on catch up with them.
It’s not that far-fetched that religion and conquest would wind up going hand in hand for New Holland. Colonial civs gonna colonial civ. And in terms of the roster, this is our most anti-colonial season yet. Still, it strikes me as a bit on the nose, social-commentary-wise, for Johan Maurits to found a religion on the exact same turn that he declares war against Rio Grande, a civ which in our world came from an anti-colonial rebellion.
Anyhow, Arianism is actually fairly interesting. It was one of the first big Christian heresies, quite popular back in the 300s AD and named for a major propagator of it during that time, one Arius of Alexandria. The general idea behind it seems to be that Jesus was distinct from God, and therefore subordinate to him - and, more importantly, that this implies Jesus did not necessarily always exist. Arianism was declared heretical at the First Council of Nicaea and more or less stamped out in the following centuries. Arius, for his part, is remembered primarily for the persistent legend that during the Council, he was punched in the face by St. Nicholas of Myra, who went on to become the inspiration for Santa Claus. Sadly, there is no historical evidence that either man was actually at the Council, and the punching story originates about a thousand years after the fact.
Gregor MacGregor never intended for this to get as serious as it had gotten. He’d had a plan: get the con done, take the money and run. But somehow or other, he’d let himself get stuck in. He’d reached a point where backing out was no longer feasible without bringing the whole thing crashing down in a way even he wouldn’t benefit from. And the damnedest part of it all? He was starting to enjoy it. There was a unique sort of challenge in actually running a state, far different from the kind of wild adventuring he’d been accustomed to. Still… one couldn’t let oneself get too caught up in things. If worse came to worst and he needed to ditch it all, he still could. Until then, better keep the fires lit and try to keep up appearances. To that end, he’d deployed a messenger with a symbolic declaration of war on the Osage. Pure song and dance of course, but it showed that the Floridas were on the same page as their southern neighbors. That would have to do for now, while he looked for a way to swing a profit out of this.
Gregor evidently does not know about the Seneca settler about to plant a city by Mobile Bay. Meanwhile, Pawhuska’s forces are attempting to besiege Prophetstown, without any success - yet. The Shawnee are unable to put up more than the barest resistance.
Ecuador has some nice cities, and they’ve got a fourth nice city now with the founding of Loja. However, it’s worth noting that their settling pattern has one key flaw thus far: no port cities. Quito is one tile inland. Ecuador’s still got a lot of space to work with, thanks to the Taino being voted in in lieu of an Amazon civ this season. The jungle turtle has long been a classic archetype for CBRX civs, and this season it might just be Ecuador if their preference for the Amazon over the coastline continues. However, they do need to consolidate their vicinity sooner or later. Tiwanaku and New Holland are settling faster than they are, Mexico is edging ever closer to the Panama Isthmus and who knows what the Taino might do?
Speaking of Mexico, how’re they doing? Pretty well, actually. Maximilian’s empire enjoys a splendid isolation, their closest neighbor the Pueblo outpost of A:shiwi, whose borders are only barely visible at the top of this image. They’re up to five cities with the founding of San Antonio in what in our world would be Nicaragua. Perhaps Max might be the one to give us our Panama Canal this season. There are, if I’m not mistaken, three tiles such a city could still be founded on - San Antonio only rules out one. Mexico’s cities are currently averaging 3.4 tiles from their nearest neighbor, so that’s a good sign, as the three eligible tiles are 3, 4 and 5 tiles out from San Antonio. Am I overanalyzing this? Yes. Do I really want a canal city this season? Also yes!
In other news, the Qarmatians declare war on Kazan. I appreciate the spirit, but you’re gonna need a lot more force projection before that will get anyone’s attention. Also there’s a desert, a couple mountain ranges and an Ayuka Khan in between the two of you.
When last we got a clear shot of the Pueblo/Osage warfront, it didn’t seem like it was amounting to a great deal. The Puebloan army was disorganized and not really succeeding at interfering with the Osage offensive against the Shawnee. Now, though, the situation has changed. A sizable, if slightly technologically inferior, Pueblo force has amassed on the Stockton Plateau, preparing to assault the city of Mo-he-ag-gra, not far from IRL Austin. I’ve driven across this region quite a few times myself, so it’s fun to picture ancient warriors duking it out in the West Texas landscape.
The Osage defenders, while outnumbered and lacking the religious zeal of Po’pay’s followers, have a child prodigy on their side. The real-life Xun Guan was only thirteen in 315 AD, when her father’s stronghold at Wancheng was besieged by a rebel army. Most 13-year-old girls would’ve been understandably terrified. Most 13-year-old girls aren’t descended from an advisor to Cao Cao. Xun Guan volunteered to take a party of soldiers to lift the siege. Under her leadership, they hopped the city walls under cover of darkness, fought their way out, escaped into the hills and came back with reinforcements, saving the city. Pawhuska couldn’t have rolled a more fitting Great General for the situation.
Back in New Holland, the tenets of Arianism in this world are revealed. Arius’ willingness to think outside the box with regards to dogma has evidently evolved into a general spirit of skepticism, as New Holland’s religion takes a decidedly scientific slant. Not only does Ardent Inquiry grant extra Science and Culture from foreign cities following Arianism, New Holland is also able to purchase Totems, which give Science and Production. Combined with their UA, Historia Naturalis Brasiliae, which adds Science on Jungle tiles during Golden Ages (among other things) and is named after the first Brazilian natural history book, it paints a vivid picture of a scholarly culture. Whether this will be for good or ill, it’s hard to say this early in the game. Certainly it seems to be at the expense of Rio Grande.
Much as I expected, the Burgundian defenders have succeeded in driving the English back to their own territory. Henry would be wise to make peace here and refocus on his own home turf before Trondur remembers it exists, while Charles would be wise to make peace here and get a new city or two out, so as to secure France and head off further English and Visigothic aggression, not to mention the possibility of betrayal from Bavaria. Is either of them wise? I don’t know. Civ 5’s AI can make some stupid moves - but it can also pull off some pretty smart ones. So far today, we’ve seen both.
In another part of Europe, Rome settles the city of Carthago on Corsica. Not a great place for a city, but perhaps it’ll make a useful naval base if Trajan ever fights the Visigoths in the semi-distant future. The Bavarians in Ingolstadt don’t seem to consider Roman expansion cause for concern, as some of their troops are heading north, joining the beginnings of a counterattack on Bathory’s defenses at Regensburg. Maybe this time, Ludwig can recover his city and his pride. The citizenry of Royal Hungary, not much happier than the Regensburgers with the Countess’ rule (Royal Hungary’s Happiness is at 1, the lowest in the world right now) but too fearful of her to revolt, can only wish the Swan King luck.
The organized, tactically advanced Ndongo army is able to quite literally run circles around the exhausted Rozvi. Khami is surrounded and guaranteed to fall next turn, while panic spreads in the Rozvi lands as reports emerge of Ndongo troops to the east of Danangombe. Some whisper that Nzinga and Mdluli are in a wicked league to destroy Dombo. Others say the Ndongo empire stretches further than they know and that there is no way north they don’t have watched. The truth is decidedly less impressive. Before the war even began, a band of Ndongo deserters had somehow found their way across the continent and begun raiding the Rozvi frontier more or less on their own initiative. The actual situation in the east is pretty much standard bandit-whacking, not that this diminishes the very real existential threat which Ana Nzinga and her horde absolutely pose. Dombo can only shake his head and order his war chiefs to focus on the task at hand, i.e. finding a way to save Khami or at least protect Danangombe. He’s not having much luck. Not for the first time that day, he curses his immortality.
The Eswatini settlers heading north through this contested corridor, on the other hand, are simply grateful to be alive and under the protection of the Queen’s militia. Much further north another settler, this one Ndongo in allegiance, plans to exploit the riches of the Congo. The Mogadishu emissary visiting Mbabane knows everything and thinks it’s funny as hell. The Alaouite scout just wants to go back to his nice, dry home.
Not a lot going on on this slide. We get another shot of the standoff that’s developed at Archa between the Latvian scout and the Kazan city and spearman. We see Kazan making no meaningful progress against the Kalmyk capital. We see… a fair few settlers, actually. The Makhnovians are doing their best to spread anarchism a little further. The Kalmyk settler has gone south and offscreen. Kazakhstan has deployed no less than three settlers, which given that Nazarbayev’s net happiness right now is somewhere in the vicinity of 2 doesn’t seem like the best idea, but it’s still better than not settling. Bukhara has gone back to their roots and built a bunch of chariot archers. The Selkups exist.
The desert has failed to deter the axemen of Shang from launching an all-out assault on Old Sarai. Indeed, with the city poorly defended, it’s looking likely to fall before too long. More troops from the east seem to arrive every day, and more still remain in China, ready to march off to raid and invade at the direction of Daji. Sorghaghtani has heard much about this strange person, a female leader like herself - but there the similarities seem to end. Daji is, by all accounts, scheming, manipulative, dangerous to know and given to… worrying displays of hedonism. But she’s also been deified by her own people as a god-empress, embodying all forms of passion. How does she so inspire the people she rules over, that they charge across the Gobi to wreak havoc in her name? Sorghaghtani doesn’t know. At this point, she’s not sure she wants to.
Daji, for her part, has sent a settler to further the westward expansion of her domain, and another one north to secure the frontier against Goguryeo.
The river valleys of India and Bangladesh are the very fringe of the Khoshut Khanate. While the fertile, humid lands to the south are certainly more habitable than their Tibetan home, many Khoshuts are skeptical of settling there. It’s full of weird plants and creatures, not to mention other, even stranger peoples. Most would rather remain in their mountains, away from the chaotic world around them. Enough are interested, however, that the new town of Nakchu has been founded on the Ganges. In theory, the Khoshuts could leverage this into a staging zone for an operation to take the strategic port of Nakhon Ratchasima. In practice, they simply haven’t got the population or the production.
Maguindanao settles T’Bok on Borneo, giving them their third city and lending an interesting diagonal shape to their empire. They’ve got a bit of catching up to do, however, as while the Maguindanao civilization is more centralized and organized than Singapore, Singapore boasts more cities and has been able to lock down a wider swath of land and sea. They are, however, distinctly lacking in military manpower.
Palawa settles Laylatiya on the Queensland coast, as their other settler heads west in the general direction of Uluru. Unfortunately for them, that takes them right into a disputed zone that a Noongar settler is also closing in on. That’d be a mess and a half if this weren’t a zero-player game, but with things being as they are, it’s anyone’s guess whether the two civs will come to blows over it. I hope they do. Just… maybe not until they’ve both got an organized army.
Ultimately, with no real progress made on taking back his lost city, Ludwig is forced to accept peace terms and return home to Munich. Elizabeth Bathory has won this round. The city of Regensburg transitions from puppet state to occupied region on the track to full annexation, and Hungary founds another city, Kassa - notably on the other side of the Carpathians. Perhaps Bathory intends it to serve as a forward operating base for future anti-Latvia operations.
Elsewhere in Europe, England and Burgundy are at a bit of an impasse as Burgundy’s damaged cities heal. Dai Viet denounces the Qarmatians for no immediately obvious reason.
Klaksvik builds the Forum Magnum, which provides a free Magistrates Court in all cities! That’s part of the mod suite, and I have no clue what it does, but it’s neat to see. I guess the Faroese will reap the benefits of having a place for citizens to speak their piece. A bit like the Althing, only somewhat more ad-hoc.
By the time the Rozvi army has managed to move into position, it’s too late. Khami is in Ndongo hands. Yesterday this was the largest city south of the Congo. Today, it’s a battlefield. It will be a battlefield for some time to come, as Dombo begins his counterattack just as the bulk of Nzinga’s army arrives. With troops rerouted away from Danangombe, the bandits run rampant. Slowly but surely, the Eswatini settler makes its way north.
Tiwanaku actually reminds me a bit of the Khoshuts. Low pop, mountainous, but well-positioned and expansive. Unlike the Khoshuts, however, Tiwanaku has Peru to work with instead of Tibet, and is thus a bit better positioned to make a go of things. They’re currently working on their sixth city.
Meanwhile, Rio Grande’s triangle of cities is fending off the New Hollander invasion well, and the Bora-Bora settler looks for a place to put down roots.
The Rozvi counterattack is working - Khami has flipped back. That being said, I do think Ndongo is fully capable of getting the city in the long run, but Changamire Dombo might just make Nzinga work for it. Still, it was a very smart war on her part IMO.
The Alaouite scout has discovered what’s happening. He’s not even surprised at this point.
The war between the Ume Sami and the Finns has ground to a halt for exactly the reasons I expected it would. Neither side can advance through the terrain with the tech they’ve got at Turn 54.
…Jeez, it’s only Turn 54. This game is gonna be good.
Meanwhile, the Mongolian scout departs Kirmukarmun with a report for her Khatun, a few souvenirs and a solid grasp of Finnish. Next stop, the Ume Sami.
England and Burgundy make peace, as I previously said they should. Neither side really got anything out of this war in the end. Now, at least, both sides can focus on colonizing their own little corners of the Cylinder to head off their respective neighbors’ attempts to muscle in. Speaking of which, where are all those Visigoth units trying to go?
Shows what I know, I guess. Nazarbayev makes peace with Moxammadamin, freeing up his settlers to head southwest, towards the Aral and Caspian Seas. Up north, another settler adds Aktobe to the Kazakh realm. Meanwhile, Kazan fires on the scout outside Archa, which responds by digging in. The soldiers trying to invade Astrakhan have been driven back to the borders of Elista. And Latvia’s Classical now. Good for them.
One of Saba-D’mt’s settlers has run up against a Mamluk Archer who had the bright idea of trying to outflank Ma’rib, but didn’t account for the settler’s Warrior escort. The other settler, who wisely went south, away from the fighting, has discovered Lake Victoria and set up camp there, forming the new town of Adulus. No doubt this will be a boon to Makeda, as she works to fend off the Mamluk invasion.
But what’s that in the city capture feed? Ndongo flipped back Khami, that we expected, but what about the other one?
Sure enough, Old Sarai falls to Daji’s Yue Axemen. Daji is making the most of having a UU that replaces the Spearman. She’s striking hard and fast, bringing in the prize before the Mongols can react. While Karakorum’s made of sturdier stuff and I would be skeptical of anyone’s ability to take a capital this early on, this war is already a victory for everyone’s favorite girlboss building her empire. Indeed that statement is quite literal, as Erlitou is settled.
Man, Japanese civs really are just allergic to settling their actual islands, huh? Ikko-Ikki has sent a settler out to China before building a city north of their capital. Granted, they might still do that if we get lucky with that other settler, but still. The soon-to-be colony on the Chinese coast will be wide open for Shang. Maybe Zheng, too, but Koxinga seems more concerned about having the best road system in Asia than anything else at the moment. And to be fair, it’s a very nice road system.
Bora-Bora looks as though they’ve really committed to getting in on the ground floor in South America, and as the Tehuelche seem to have no intention of taking it, they might just pull it off. Fa’anui makes it two colonies in the Southern Cone, and they’re shipping in troops and Workers from the home isles to make it viable and defensible. Honestly? At this point I genuinely want to see how far they can take this. What must it be like for someone who’s lived all their life on an island to suddenly be surrounded by more land than they ever knew there was in the world?
Meanwhile, Rio Grande is still holding back New Holland’s army.
The Seneca declared war on the Osage a little while ago, and now we get a clear shot of how that’s going. Turns out, it’s not going. The Seneca army has yet to reach the front, save for a few scattered and easily dispatched Warriors. On the other hand, the knowledge of the new threat does seem to have encouraged Pawhuska to pull back from Prophetstown, meaning the coalition war has accomplished its aim of saving the Shawnee. The Osage have a settler down by Mo-he-ag-gra in addition to Xun Guan, but this shot doesn’t show how the Pueblo offensive is going. What we can see, however, is the new Seneca city of Kanawagas, located on the site of IRL Mobile. A blatant forward-settle, it seems to have drawn the ire of the Floridians.
Credit where credit’s due to the Mox: he knows when to quit while he’s ahead. Kazan makes peace with the Kalmyks, securing their control over Elista. Ayuka Khan celebrates the war’s end by settling a new third city, Lagan, down Georgia way. Here’s hoping Pontus decides to let it slide. Meanwhile, Kazakhstan hugs the Ural River rather than going for the Aral Sea and settles Taraz, while the Makhnovian settler is still looking for their home.
Noongar founds themselves a religion, Oriental Orthodoxy, which seems to be a frequent go-to for civs who haven’t got a historical match. Their settler, meanwhile, has been forced to swing north around Uluru, as the new Palawa base at Maytim claims the famed natural monument for Tarenorerer. That might raise some hackles, and if the Noongar decide to settle that city where it is and surround Maytim on three sides, that’ll raise even more.
Incidentally, that Noongar UU is a Gidjiboryl, a Spearman replacement with no pillage cost and +1 Movement if starting on a tile with an animal resource, not that I believe Yagan’s territory has any of those at present.
So let’s check out the beliefs of Noongar’s new religion, shall we? Earth Mother, that they already had: +1 Faith from Mines. Not bad. Initiation Rites: +100 Gold and +5 Culture when a city first converts. Couldn’t hurt, especially if they want to play wide. Bacchanalia…
Faith and Culture from killing enemy units.
Oh, they’re really not happy about losing out on Uluru, aren’t they?
Surprise! It’s NopeCopter back again to close out the episode! Did you miss me? Well I’ll tell you who certainly did miss, that being England and the Visigoths. Burgundy is now fielding a respectable army and looking tougher than ever to break. If I were England, I wouldn’t feel very comfortable with those Faroese Triremes scouting around, either. Funnily enough, the only neighbor who looks remotely threatening to Burgundy anymore is Bavaria, with a surprisingly nice-looking carpet and a straight shot to Beaune if they decided they wanted to climb back to four cities. With Ferdinand Foch (funnily enough, the Supreme Allied Commander on World War I’s western front) on their side, too, Bavaria is still definitely a force to be reckoned with even after their defeat at the hands of Royal Hungary.
West Africa is looking deliciously chaotic at the moment, with all manner of very comical settlements. Sierra Leone is first and most obvious, tragically breaking any hopes of a Chile Leone run with their first inland settlement of Bo along the Niger River, but they also have another new Settler marching east, passing right through Kanem-Bornu’s territories in the process. Speaking of which, Kanem-Bornu sure is existing. They’re existing fairly well, to be fair, but it’s kinda hard to stand out when your neighbor is Sierra Leone. The big name in this shot, though, is of course the Alaouites, who are currently repeating Moroccan history and crossing the Sahara Desert to set up wildly unsustainable colonies. Heck, Fez is even located about where the Songhai capital of Gao was in real life! At least they didn’t have to conquer it this time. Normally I’d consider a settle like this to be effectively giving away a free city, but the Alaouites have a military and Sierra Leone very much doesn’t. Maybe Kanem-Bornu can snag it?
Mongolia is finally getting their act together, mobilizing a proper military force to contain the Shang threat and making peace with the Selkups and Dzungars to the west, but this is still a rough situation for them to be in. Old Sarai will be difficult to recapture given the quality of the Shang army and the natural barriers to the north. It could still be recaptured, and there’s currently no risk of another civ capitalizing on a failed Mongolian counter-offensive since they’re n enforced peace with their neighbors, but it might be best for Mongolia to give up on retaking their lost land, cut their losses, and focus on rebuilding elsewhere.
The Selkups, for their part, were also probably wise to end a war they weren’t really committing to in the first place. They’ve got plenty of land to settle and a surprisingly scary neighbor in Kazakhstan to their west who will gladly take anything they don’t. Thankfully for any fishing enthusiasts out there, the Selkups are definitely not slacking in that regard - they have five cities and two more Settlers ready to raise that number. That being said, though, they are pretty severely lacking in military power. Given Kazakhstan’s concerningly large force around Nursultan, the Selkups had best be on their toes about Kazakhstan trying to recreate the success of their X1 Khanate ancestors. At least they’ve got former Filipino president, revolutionary, and X3 contender Emilio Aguinaldo on their side! …Actually, given how well the Philippines did, maybe that’s not a good thing.
The Yellowknives have begun abandoning the Canadian tundra and sending their settlers towards Cascadia instead, in a move that’s bold but ultimately pretty smart. Aside from the obvious benefits of this region being much more fertile, it also helps limit the growth of the Thule, Pueblo, and Crow all at once, which is a pretty sweet deal. And the Yellowknives don’t really need to worry about an invasion, either - the Rockies and Cascades protect these new settles from Thule and Crow incursions, and the Pueblo have bigger things to attend to. That said, they also look tough to reinforce, so if someone were to break through these mountain barricades, the Yellowknives may be screwed. High-risk, high-reward.
After their massive blunder at the start of the episode, Makhnovia is recovering fairly well all things considered. They’re up to three cities, which is on par with some acceptable-enough civs, and they still have most of their army intact. The big problem is Latvia, which has become one of the deadliest forces on the cylinder. Alexandrovsk would be completely indefensible if Latvia wanted a round two, and the pink punishers are still interested in expanding if that Settler outside Daugavpils is any indication. There’s still a chance for Makhnovia to be a dark horse mid-tier power, but their chances of standing at the top seem pretty much gone for the time being.
It seems Maguindanao is the latest civ to have founded a religion, which is a MASSIVE boon for such a religiously-focused civ. Mass Pilgrimage is an excellent pantheon that combines well with Maguindanao’s trade focuses, and Mosques provide another great source of Faith alongside some extra Culture and Happiness. Normally all this Faith focus might be a problem, but Maguindanao’s UA actually provides their naval melee units with extra combat strength based on Maguindanao’s Faith output, so these bonuses are actively making Maguindanao’s navy stronger on top of helping them spread their religion!
As if that wasn’t enough, Maguindanao’s wonder-whoring tendencies have also scored them another absolute gem: Cheomseongdae. This Wonder provides extra Science for every three citizens in the city it’s built in, so Simuay’s rapid growth may just push Maguindanao (a civ that’s already a tech leader) even further beyond. Maguindanao’s position is still extremely precarious, of course - with the religious rival and scientific powerhouse Dai Viet to the west and the terrifyingly expansive Wahgi to the east - but with another city on the way, multiple top-tier wonders, and a religion perfectly tailored to their uniques, they might be able to sneak their way back into relevance.
New Holland, the current powerhouse of South America, is forced to give up on conquering Rio Grande just yet. While it wasn’t exactly an easy war to win, spending time and effort trying and failing to break RIo Grande as Tiwanaku grabs up land wasn’t exactly good for them. That said, they have still been expanding fairly well (with another Settler already on its way to nab some Amazonian land), so their failed war isn’t nearly as disastrous for their odds as some others this episode. Rio Grande, for their part, is looking surprisingly decent given their slow start - with three cities and a fourth on the way, plus two completely undefended Bora-Bora cities to snatch up at their convenience, I wouldn’t consider them outright irrelevant just yet. They just… have a lot of catching up to do. Given their real-world history of wildly improbable underdog successes, though, a bit of a comeback wouldn’t be all that unexpected.
The Noongar, despite the runaway settling spree of the Palawa, aren’t ready to be counted out yet - with the settling of Nannup, they’re proving more than willing to try and claim land in the Palawa “sphere of influence”. That said, though, Nannup doesn’t exactly have the makings of a good city, being dropped on a desert hill (albeit one with an Oasis and River within tile-claiming range). The Noongar are putting in some good effort, but they’ll need to keep it up if they want to be western Australia’s first success story.
Looking at the religions again, apparently Maguindanao has already managed to secure a reformation belief for their religion (showing they’re following the Piety policy tree), which is a good sign if they want to keep up with Dai Viet’s monster Faith generation. Sacred Sites is yet another great belief for a civilization that wants as much Faith as possible, pairing very well with their Mosques (which are Religious buildings and therefore benefit from Sacred Sites’ bonuses).
A bit further north in the Pacific, the Ikko-Ikki are doing exactly what made the Mori so famous in their tests: focusing on mainland Asia. Whether they have the same aptitude for naval conquest and expansion, or if they'll end up more like the Mori we got in X3, remains to be seen. Still, though, with another Settler already headed for the mainland, they’ll probably at least be able to establish a decent foothold. (That is, if those terrifying Shang and Zheng armies don’t wipe their new settles off the map first.)
Latvia, not content with a mighty military force and massive swaths of land, has also been constructing Wonders - in this case, Templo Mayor. While not too strong on its own, just providing some Culture and Faith, it also increases the speed at which Latvia can construct future wonders. Given all the cities they have to work with, Latvia might end up becoming the dominant wonder-constructing force on the cylinder if they decide to make use of this power. There are still plenty of game-changing wonders up for grabs, too… let the Latvia fans rejoice. (Also of Note: the war declarations against the Rozvi just keep piling up. This one could even be relevant one day!)
Away from the prospering Latvian fields and back towards the chaotic and crowded Western European theater, war once again breaks out as Rome invades the Visigoths! This… probably won’t lead anywhere, being totally honest. The Romans, who can only invade by sea, have a grand total of one Visigothic coastal tile they can besiege without passing through Alaouite waters. This kind of hampers the effectiveness of their admittedly decent navy, and is overall a pretty bad idea compared to attacking the defenseless settlements of Sierra Leone down in Africa. Admittedly, the Visigoths are lacking a military, so maybe Trajan is just trying to scare Leovigild of the Visigoths into surrendering a city in a peace deal? Seems a bit unreliable for a civ that’s already struggling to remain relevant.
And finally, we end on a peace deal between Ndongo and the Rozvi. It is pretty heartbreaking seeing the rise and fall of the Rozvi over the past couple of episodes, and I’m honestly not sure how they can hope to come back from this defeat given that Eswatini is already building back up to being a respectable threat, but I suppose there’s still a chance as long as they’re alive. Look at Eswatini, for example. I do genuinely think Eswatini has a shot to return to being a major power given they have a fourth Settler on the way and Madagascar is still empty, especially if they finish off the Rozvi before Ndongo does, but it is admittedly going to be very difficult now that there’s an established Ndongan presence in the south. Props to Nzinga, by the way, for learning from her mistakes - in both Mk. 2 and X1, it was a South African civilization that crushed her empire (heck, in X1 it was Zimbabwe, the predecessor to the Rozvi), so crippling her southerly neighbors early has put her in a much better spot going forward. Ndongo’s dominance in Africa is far from guaranteed right now, but this is certainly a good start.
And that’s the episode! I’ve been NopeCopter, and thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed, and be sure to tune in next time for even more chaos!