Episode 31: Walls Caving In

1: Two heads are better than one!

Caitlyn (L): Welcome, welcome, welcome! The sun dawns on the cylinder for another round of bloodshed & conquest! Today I’ll be joining Paige in covering this release. Last time we wrote a narration, it was all the way back in May, so it’s nice to be writing again! If you all are not familiar with systems or plurality, feel free to do a quick google search, but TL;DR: Paige & I are in the same body, but are distinct people. If you want to learn more, join the Discord server, we’re active there & it’s also just a great place!Paige (P): We left off with Royal Hungary falling to Bavaria, & Burgundy & Pueblo being eliminated from the game by England & the Yellowknives respectively. Bora-Bora‘s raging across South America & greatly hindering the Tehuelche, & consolidating their gains. You gotta bora-believe. We also approach the Atomic Era, which I’m sure bodes well for the innocent civilians of the cylinder. Without further delay, let’s get into it!

2: The times they are a changin

P: Sonicfan0511’s map, as always, is very much appreciated, & from here we can review the changes from before. We can see how the wars in South America have reshaped the continent, where Bora-Bora has come to dominate the southern half, & a stalemate happens in the north. In North America, not much is happening, in contrast to Asia, where Siam has lost cities to Singapore, who lost cities before, Wahgi is becoming scary, while Zheng flakes out of a war with Ikko-Ikki. In Europe, the Faroes decide that England doesn’t deserve peace, & have set up an invasion force south, while at the same time, eSwatini is facing its demise in Africa. Oh also the Nivkh-Thule war. Hope you’re all caught up now.

3: Most competent civ leader

L: Using my power of favoritism, this week’s OC pick is Orangechrisy’s Pacific Pals post, False Alarm. I didn’t think you could mess up a war against Ikko-Ikki at this point in the game, but if any civ will make such a mistake, it would be Zheng.

4: Your regularly scheduled ad read

L: Thank you all who have helped support this project, it means so much to the team behind it, & those who have been following since their childhood, such as us. Let’s keep this project alive as long as possible. If you have some money to spare, feel free to send some to the Blue Cassette team.

5: Biggest Loser

P: Siam has had the largest tumble this episode, losing seven ranks, which really, they deserved to fall even further seeing as they’re genuinely in a horrible position. A recovery is technically possible, but the AI doesn’t know how to pull off miraculous recoveries.

6: Come lel

Turn 380

L: Things are looking very bad for the Tehuelche, two cities in the red & more reinforcements coming soon. While the Tehuelche aren’t in a position to take their cities back, survival is technically possible! Possible in the way that you can get out of bankruptcy by a lottery ticket, but still! I’d be shocked if María survives this episode. The Tehuelche settler on the Pacific side of the tip actually is positioned in a place that could prolong survival by a few turns, but a newly placed city will not be able to lead to their continuation.

7: What was that about the Faroes?

P: The frozen sleeping giant awakens for its regularly scheduled snipes before returning to its nap. While these gains could end up long term, & that’s what I’m leaning towards being more likely right now, units are sparse on the frontlines. The Faroe Islands prefer naval snipes over large land based armies, which makes the gains harder to keep. With the bulk of England’s land forces stationed in the now conquered Burgundy, any English rebuke of Faroe gains remains dubious.

08: Nothing ever happens

L: Goguryeo & Siam have made peace, with no changes… What a waste of time.

The 4th Infantry of the Nation, stationed without major supplies after being left for dead & surviving against all odds, acts as reconnaissance on the western flank of the Goguryeo & the northern flank of Siam, maintaining a close eye on the movements of troops, & interfering with trade & supplies. While they act more as a terrorist unit than a military regiment, messengers sneak through the desolate & mountainous Tibetan plateau between the unit & Qingliangang. They largely maintain themselves through imposing taxes on the few people living there, & raiding nearby trading posts, mines, & farms for food, killing all in their way.

09: Leaving a Marque on the Shah

L: Nader Shah, grew tired of the old cars of this modern era, & wanted something that went as fast as technology would allow. His staff, hearing about this, ignored his vain desires, & started their trek to Samarkand. Halfway through & crossing the Etrek River, their car began to stutter, & they had to pull over in the middle of a mid-sized town, halfway between Isfahan & Tehran. One of them asked a local about any car shops nearby, & recommended Ferrari’s shop. Hopeful, they walked across the arid countryside fed by aqueducts until they reached a dingy shop. Knocking at his door, an annoyed & unfriendly Enzo answered. Once the staff explained the situation, Enzo initially refused to help, even if they were the Shah’s staff, until they offered him a decent restitution for his labor. He chuckled, & offered for them to use one of his racing cars for the trip, which the staff excitedly agreed to. They let Enzo take their car as collateral until they returned. Upon returning, they offered Ferrari an audience with the Shah, which he agreed. Upon meeting in Mashhad, they quickly agreed to in exchange for a unique luxury car, the Shah would give him enough money for him to work on any project he desired. How could Enzo say no?

10: Narrators live for irrelevant wars to kill time

P: The Selkups’ core is somewhat sparse, especially in the center & snow times north. Progress in the war has been very slow, & seems neither party is fully committed to this war at this time. Regardless, I’m rooting for Vonya here, as this war will probably result in a stalemate, or mild Selkup gains like before.

11: “You can’t take cities with settlers Henry!”

P: Henry did not care, his empire had the reaper at the windowsill, tapping the glass, just as it was reaching its potential as a contender for world power. He desperately sent orders in a frenzy, unclear & panicked. His units so far between, with no communication, left major holes in their lines. Every unit took damage they couldn’t take, every unit lost men they couldn’t lose, every unit lived with death hanging over their head. At any time, some northerner could come in & bring them to an early demise.“Infantry [sic] are outside London, your highness.”Henry collapsed. If he couldn’t stay in this world, he’d go out screaming. During his mental breakdown, he sent multiple declarations of war out before his advisors were able to get him grounded. Henry decided that he could do no good at this time, & resolved to sleep before making more decisions. He would never be the same.

12: Tonight, the Paratroopers are gonna blind me

L: But I won’t feel blue. The Wahgi have one of the first units of the Atomic Era, which can pillage tiles or move 9 times in friendly territory without movement cost. They also are rapidly approaching the technologies needed for the Manhattan project, which should be fun to see how that goes. While they could build their core more, they need to expand more, especially with Noogar just to the south. Tech advantage alone does not win wars, but we’ll see how things develop.P: …WAH!

13: Capitalizing on their Gains

Turn 381

P: While Singapore is losing elsewhere, they successfully took the Siamese capital last episode. Now that peace has come, they need to focus on maintaining these successes. Singapore isn’t positioned well, but they certainly have a way to try & survive. Losing Hawaii lost them a lot of their safety & expansion path, & now things are going to be a lot harder.

14: “It’s the Fez!”

P: Kanem-Bornu is plotting against the Rozvi! Well, uh, I’m not sure what there is to plan against honey? But hey, best wishes to you. Still, we get a chance to look at the Kanem-Bornu core, which is shockingly sparse. It’s a lot of empty space, but they certainly need to produce more units if they want a chance. They still have crossbowmen in Agadir, Bornu, Minya, & Njimi for goodness sake! They are just simply in a bad position, & refuse to do anything to make things better.

15: Where Patagonian Dreams Die

P: Koluel Kayke has fallen! Unfortunately, it’s over for the Tehuelche, there is no hope for them to maintain their position outside of a surprise white peace, which I doubt Bora-Bora will offer when they’ve not even taken the capital yet. Unfortunately, you will not beat an army of tanks & riflemen with musketmen, trebuchets, & crossbowmen. When this war ends, Bora Bora will certainly rise in power rankings, but they will need to make sure they can deal with New Holland & Ecuador before they can make their plans on world conquest.L: Also that’s a cute New Holland armada there :)

16: People underestimate how much being well rested can affect your health

L: Upon waking from his slumber, his advisors helped lead the charge against land forces from the Faores’ army, & have retaken Coventry! English marines & riflemen are crossing the English Channel & things are somewhat more optimistic for the English. The same fundamental issues that existed before still are there, but it’s now a race against time. In a prolonged war, the English navy will falter, & cut off any new units from the mainland. If Henry can retake Bristol & maintain the cities, he may be able to white peace. It’d be hard to compete again, but the English are not out yet!

17: Treachery!

L: Oh you like the fake out? Yeah I thought so England-stan. Bavaria declares war on the English, giving the English a fight they didn’t need on top of another fight they didn’t need. A war on every single front barring the Visigoths. Wait, England declared war? Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw!It looks like Saba(dabadooooo DMT) is hoping to snipe Malkerns before they lose all of their African territory, which is so based but they may or may not be able to quite yet, make in another turn or two.

18: The AI never learns

P: If you are going to take a city, you need at least one melee unit on the front lines, not cannons in front of it. This isn’t the worst setup to clarify, but it also isn’t the best either. Ibarra looks set to flip, but maybe will flip back & forth a few times. New Holland is looking pretty good up north, while Ecuador’s interior is looking… dry I suppose.

L: About as dry as I like my wine really.

P: You don’t even drink wine Cait.

L: I can wine all I want.

P: Their army is still drier than this joke.

19: A Clash of Empires

P: Singapoor in their valiant efforts have decided to take their fleet across the sea & try to take cities in Vijayanagara-

L: Do you think that’s dry too?P: Cait please-their army transports look a bit small, & if you’re going to cross half an ocean, you’ll want a larger & better prepared armada than this. I’m somewhat skeptical of the optics in this conflict, & seems like a war that will exhaust Singapore’s resources even further. We’ll see how things go from here, I may be wrong.

20: Khoshits!

P: Good timing Khoshuts! As Rama is just putting the tiniest pieces of his country together, Güshi Khan swiftly moves into his western flank & seems poised to take at least two cities in the next two turns. We get to see the Khoshut’s unique unit, a lancer replacement that is effective at taking cities, & converts those cities to their religion. A very powerful unit in the correct circumstances, which this seems to be. Siam, if they don’t manage to maintain their country, is doomed, if Rama wasn’t already after Singapore came by.

21: Nivkh & a Miss!

L: No progress has been seen on land or at sea, & both powers seem to be somewhat stalling for time. But on Franz von Hipper of the Thule, he promised to make this naval attack matter, as if his career depended on it. Really, he’d be forgotten if this went wrong.

22: Government Overview Time 1/7

Turn 382

L: It’s everyone’s favorite time of the slides, looking at how the different governments are anachronistic & uncharacteristic of the civilizations portrayed! Starting out with our despotic anarchist buddies in Makhnovia. Also the names are pretty fun, such as President Pawhushka’s title. I really do love this mod by the way, it’s super cool!

23: 2/7

P: Also interesting how it uses king not queen here.

24: 3/7

L: A social democratic elective monarchy, in the Caribbean? Wowie meowie!

25: 4/7

P: >Conservative Socialist Alliance of Faroe Islands

Wild mod.

26: 5/7

L: The progressive nomadic hordes of north west america, I’d vote for a party like that!

27: 6/7

P: Giving the trans people here a reason to love Singapore I see.

28: 7/7

L: As a note, I do love it when edge cases are handled well in stuff, the In-Exile addition is really useful & adds some lovely flavor to the mod!

29: The Sun Sets in Patagonia

L: María lagged behind the rest of the continent, despite her small efforts, the Bora-Bora, technologically advanced & militarily superior took over their entire empire, leaving them to die in 47th place. Sure, the city could flip, & leave their former capital in even more ruins before being taken back the next turn. Puni the Conqueror, as one Bora-Bora fan says to us often “has that dog in them”.

P: And she does have that dog in her too.

30: Where have I seen this before?

P: A city that goes between being held by England & flipped by another civ? Where have I seen that before? If you’ve been paying attention to the minimap, you’ll have seen it has flipped back & forth a few times. Henry has now gone so far to arm settlers it seems, to refill the cities that are basically ruins now. His ships to the east have mostly sunk to the sea, with the possibility of rearming from the mainland about to be cut off, while also being invaded from the west from his own declaration of war. Lincoln is also looking bad, & he’s not going to get that city back if he loses it. If Henry wants to survive round 1 of the Faroes-English Wars, or to make things last, he needs to take his cities in Britain, & white peace. But I find this possibility increasingly unlikely with how much damage England has taken, but Henry is anything but dovish.

31: Come & take it lel

L: As I said, they had the ability to flip the city, which most cives would do in this situation, seeing as they will literally die without a city. It won’t last long unfortunately, as Bora-Bora has more forces in the South alone, & multiple ships crossing the Drake Passage to ensure that any survival is not long lived. It’s been a rough game for indigenous/first nation civs in South America, with both being wiped out in the same couple of episodes. Bora-Bora from here has become one of the three colossal players in South America, but will they be able to defend it against New Holland? Ecuador isn’t of much concern as you saw in the shots before, but New Holland is scary.

32: leastrelevantwars.jpeg

P: Here we have a good shot of what remains of Finland’s core: dense, but filled with outdated units that could be taken out extremely quickly. If Rijkuo-maja of the Ume-Sámi wants to get back into the game, they need to strike before Karlis Ulmanis of Latvia does. I find the latter more likely, unfortunately for us & our picks. The fact Finland has survived this long is a testament to the timidity of civs around them towards them, as Ume Sámi had two bad wars & never tried again, & Latvia has its own cycling that make it hard to predict.

33: Shit(gatse).

P: This city was so poorly defended that it's basically zero shock that it flipped within a turn to the Khoshuts. With the units pouring in, it may turn into a Norwich flipping between civs that try to keep their gains. The Khoshuts certainly are focusing on Nakhon Ratchasima, which is a fair goal strategically, but it would have made more sense to move more units up north to be able to maintain their gains in the north at the same time. What are you going to do, it’s the AI & it has worse planning than a crackhead in Columbus.

34: This Machine Kills Fascists

L: Woody Guthrie is a Selkups writing, part of their burgeoning folk music movement in the major cities & minor communes up north. Where the government couldn’t reach, music rang free. Some of his most popular songs would be: “This Land Is Your Land”, “Astana Massacre”, & “Old Man Vonya”. He is soon to perform in Hisa, & is widely expected to continue his anti-government performances. Old man Vonya seemed to let the music be as a form of controlled dissent, a few chords won’t strike a light into a generation, right?

35: WAHH?˩˥

L: Okay we honestly forgot the Wahgi were at war with Siam, that’s a snipe we were not really expecting. I’m not even sure how it slipped our mind, but I respect the move. I’m skeptical of how many moves they’ll take against the flip, as they have another civ barrelling through their northwest, & they need as many units as they can get for that front. They might try to snipe Ratchasima as well, but that wouldn’t hold for long frankly. Siam is done soon,it’s just a matter of time until we see them die.

36: Viskʼvo, girl

P: The Thule flip Visk’vo, but I find it unlikely that it’ll hold long term, & will end up like Norwich as many cities have been in this game. The addition of plans has made war much more destructive in the cylinder, as you can see in Nurgan, & it seems the Thule are bent on using every advantage they can to build their empire.

37: Droning on about lost memories.

L: In Kuno, the first production of an analog magnetic tape able to record & store audio was being produced, what would be named the “cassette tape”. A few traditional songs were recorded, but they needed a way to promote the new audio format across the entire empire. William Baskinski, known locally for his avant-garde style of music & development of the experimental, ambient, & drone genres in the Wahgi empire, was selected to help promote the new style, where he would perform a concert live, & promote the product & machines to listen to the concert. So a gigantic concert was planned in Kuno, people flocked to the stadium from across the entire empire, & recorded the entire concert, being loaded into a cassette tape. After the performance was over, he announced the entire album was saved on these stips of tape. He chuckled, then threw it to the ground & stepped on it, exclaiming that this moment would be between them all forever. This was a stunt of course, while that decided to hold a copy of the concert, multiple were recording the entire time, & this stunt led to a huge demand for the ability to save magical moments forever.

38: A Eulogy

Turn 383L: María, staying by the side of her people, fought to maintain the capital. Leaving bombs & traps in the street for Bora-Bora to fall into. María would not give up easily, but even as she stood tall, better guns will always win over honor. Eventually, the Bora-Bora had her surrounded, & without their leader, her remaining troops let the Bora-Bora capture the city in exchange for their lives, something the Bora-Bora would refuse to honor soon enough once María is given the wall. A strong fight & a strong woman, her efforts were ruined by her own reluctance early on, being unable to fill up the continent & prevent Bora-Bora from keeping a foothold. Honor only takes you to your grave with your ego intact, bless your soul.

39: Setting the Stage

P: Ecuador decides to join in kicking the dead horse called eSwatini, where we get a good shot of what remains of the primary territory of the nation. Once a continental empire, has been delegated to only the Mascarene Islands & a few Antarctic colonies with little to no ability to sustain themselves. Hluti was taken a bit ago by Saba, who has sent a few outdated & damaged units to a city with walls. Not the most sketchy move Saba has made this season, but definitely up there. & all Labotsibeni Mdluli does is wander in his new capital exiled from the mainland, pondering what to do.

40: Take a sip of your drink every time a city flips

P: Henry’s few troops on the island manage to retake Bristol, even if he knows that there’s little preventing another loss from a quick onslaught & a few moves not decided by idiots. The front was sparse, too sparse, but he anxiously kept his units moving conservatively. He knew it was a matter of time until Lincoln fell, & all he could do was use it as a bargaining chip in his fruitless peace deals with the Faroes. Yet Trøndur í Gøtu only cared to send a few units, enough to keep the war alive & make the English suffer as those in Norwich & York did. He sighs before taking another swig of beer.

41: London Calling

L: In Latvia, there is little love for any of the major powers around, & as they say, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. If there is any group that will let anger & ideology overtake optics, it would be the punk moment. The Clash, a leading voice in the Lithuanian punk movement has released a song that despite the government’s official opinion of supporting the Faroe’s war, is vehemently against all war. Even if England is an imperialistic nation, the island is suffering a decimation unlike anything seen since northern Burgundy during the Anglo-Burgundian war. Their hit song, London Calling, puts the listener in the place of Henry V, & pushes for peace to be made in Britain. While unlikely to end easily, it sells well across the world, especially in Europe.

42: Sabadaba does something?

P: Field cannons or not, Pontus declares war on Saba with terrible planning & is basically asking for Saba to make an advance onto Damietta, since there is basically no ability to advance into Tamna & Azeba. The only thing they have is a bunch of better ships, which won’t matter for any city except for Azeba. Regardless, there’s a chance for Pontus to flip a city, but I find it very unlikely. Saba does need to update his navy ASAP.

43: Pyrrhic Advances

P: Siam is technologically in line with the Khoshuts, & a bit behind Wahgi, but that doesn’t mean much if they don’t have the men to keep the frontlines full. The Wahgi have a chance of taking a few cities from this civ, possibly even the now capital, even if they’ve lost Si Tammarat temporarily. Shigaste also has been taken back, but Siam doesn’t have the capacity to maintain it forever. There’s not much hope for them.

44: Pussycat Moves

L: Singapore advances into the west coast of the Bay of Bengal. While they haven’t brought significant land forces to this conflict, their moral is high & ready to approach cities along the eastern coast of India.They’re very similar tech wise, but Singapore is at a disadvantage for a prolonged land invasion as long as Vijayanagara keeps producing units. They aren’t bringing enough for a full scale yet, but they have a chance if Vijayanagara lets them.

45: Exclaves are pretty cool, except when they aren’t.

L: Good view of the Selkups exclave, always neat when these things pop up in game. Not sure why Herat is taking so much damage, but hey, it’s CBRX, why not? Also some missionaries moving north taking attrition, classic.

46: Frail & Afraid

P: Wahgi retakes Si Thammarat while Chiang Mai dances on the edge of flipping hands to the Wahgi, nearly taken already, just needs the last touch. Siam is nearly landlocked, cornered, & hopeless. Their path out is extending their spiral longer, so they continue the good fight as long as they live.

47: Beathoven

Turn 384

L: Frédéric Chopin would become one of the Taíno most well known composers, & helped develop the unique Caribbean styles involving keyboards with complex harmonic movements & groovy, emotional beats. He would help develop instruments that allowed more fluidity in rhythm, & helped break what music was to the Taíno. His music would be part of a neo-romantic movement, reconnecting with what the connection to the world & nature meant in a time of rapid modernization, & the industrialization of society.

48: Shot in the Head

P: Late in the night, the guards on patrol of the greatly weakened walls of Lincoln fell nearly asleep. All was quiet, & a sense of helplessness rang through them all. One soldier kept his eyes open, before hearing a tap next to his feet. He woke up, & tried to inspect the ball that has landed near his feet. As he tried to get up, a quiet short rang from behind, as he fell to his knees, then onto his face. This spy took out his gas mask, as a noxious spray filled the area around as he tried to escape. Everywhere he went, he dropped tiny balls full of chlorine gas as the Faroes began their assault on the city, which was very quickly overrun.

At the same time, Henry talked with his advisors, they still held Bristol, but the planes from the north kept striking, where it would keep becoming street fighting & guerrilla fighting, so Henry pondered, & he knew in his heart that he could not hold onto Bristol. “Send them to London, if we die, we die fighting.”

49: The Meknes

P: The Visigoths have had a rough game, & it’s only a waiting game until the sickly dog is brought out back & taken to a farm. While it won’t end this episode, the long term optics aren’t great. The Visigoths have slowly lost territory since the start of the game, & never have been able to turn into any power able to take anything. The Alaouites are in bad shape, they have one city left, & there is basically nothing they can do to save their nation. Also, despite a war on all fronts, Rome isn’t doing anything, like this is the perfect opportunity to kick Henry while he’s down, but he refuses to do anything!

50: Damaged renaissance units can’t take atomic cities!

P: In extremely unshocking news, the attack on eSwatini’s islands is repulsed. Using caravals in the Atomic era to take a city is a lesson most do not need to learn, but of course, the AI will try anything once, or twice, or a dozen times without learning. eSwatini is gone regardless, Mogadishu is likely to come in soon, & snipe the remaining cities with only a puny army to defend their remaining cities. It’s Joever.

51: Somehow not the first ABBA reference this episode!

L: ABBA, a wildly popular group across the world in their own right, have been one of the biggest developers of the pop music genre, with brilliant marketing & infectious songs, they dance right into your heart. While Sierra Leone is not known for its music scene, it has been able to make much of the language more accessible the world round. They would release an album with many top hits that would eventually be used to make a huge movie about trying to figure out the father of the protagonist that was dubbed into multiple languages & pushed Sierra Leone culture further across the world.

52: A B.I.G. Tale

L: In Matamba, Chris Wallace would grow up, trying to find meaning in a world where everything seemed dark. The child of refugees from eSwatini, he faced discrimination & only found freedom in his music. He’d become part of the northern-southern hip hop feud, where he became a household name for his own style & unique blend of southern & northern Ndongo music. He would use complex flows on top of dramatic tales of violence & criminal acts, in this he would develop the name of The Notorious B.I.G, or just Biggie. He’d become a developer of the styles that’d become popular over time in this new era, especially capitalizing on new technologies released across the world that allowed to replicate & modify sounds.

53: Sometimes mischief is worth it in the end.

L: Samory Touré, was a troublemaker, & one very good at getting what he wanted & needed. He also was charismatic & good at making a deal. His parents eventually sent him off to Marrakech for a better education majoring in business to keep him away from trouble, which was a bit complicated when conflict happened so close nearby. He was able to gather a few thousand people & start a mob at the university he was at for business to stop the draft, which ended violently. The generals nearby saw his abilities in strategizing & keeping people together gave him a choice. They’d pardon him & he’d be officially trained to help in the war, or he would be sent to prison. You can see what decision he made.

54: My Penukonda Don’t Want None

L: John Logie Baird had heard about the development of the cassette tape, decided that he could improve on the methods used in & allow video to be recorded just as easily as audio, allowing for better quality video recording. If this technology is able to leave Sri Lanka, it could change the world.

55: Fighting without Hope

P: The Khoshuts once again take Shigatse, which may or may not flip again, but the siege in Ratchasima continues onwards without any signs of stopping. At this rate, the new capital will fall once again without much more after. Losing their capital in two episodes, back to back. Brutal. Some troops seemed to move towards Si Thammarat, but they likely are afraid of risking losing even more when they’ve lost so much in their fight for their sovereignty, & nothing short of a miracle can save them.

56: What is this, a HOI4 submod?

L: eSwatini attempts to take Aw Dhigle, but is repulsed due to an overwhelming Mogadishu presence, so, Mdluli is just hoping they don’t move enough forces south for an escape plan. The defense of Siteki has been easy so far, but it’s where outdated units have been placed to protect an island of less than 90,000 people (which is impressive this far south). Things can change rapidly here, & Mdluli has drafted up some plans of how to move forwards from here.

57: Keep faith!

P: It looks like Noogar has been busy updating his religion, but that’s for the next slide! The Noogar core is not as dense as many familiar with the cylinder would expect at this point in the game, especially with a Civ in Australia that had such an aggressive start. Still, it’s not anywhere near over for them, but they need to move fast if they want back in the game, as the Wahgi to their north & east would be happy to give Palawa a favor in exchange for some territory, especially with their new paratroopers.

58: TORI_GATES

P: So this reformation belief just makes missionary spread erode the existing religious pressure from other religions, neat!

59: Dying Slave to his Work

L: As paratroopers come into Chiang Mai, Michelangelo chisels away, his devotion unhampered. Many wondered what it was about him, how in the middle of chaos he continued his work unafraid. No one would know, as he kept working away & made art of the Bhuddha, mythological folklore, & religious devotions.

60: Another for the Liederboard

They say Hugo Wolf was in the countryside, composing another work & desperately attempting to build off of the cultural works & heritage others have done in this time when his hometown flipped. He soon heard of the fall of Nakhon Ratchasima, & decided to return to his work. If he were to write his work, it would be the same under the Wahgi or Siamese.

61: Lookking in

Turn 385

P: Gwanggaeto decides that plotting against the exiled government of Rio Grande is a good use of his time, rather than planning his own expansion across the cylinder. While we have a chance to look at the carpet here, we can see the less than hopeful chances of Ikko-Ikki. While maritime units alone aren’t enough to determine one’s fate, every Ikko-Ikki city is coastal, without anywhere enough units to even hope to defend their swiss cheese territory. They have no one to blame but themselves, as they never moved fast enough to keep up with all the needs their civ needed to.

62: Most competent latin american leader

P:Ibarra, despite being a city that’s been pummeled over two episodes now, is stagnant. Ecuador is so screwed, let’s be real. You can’t even flip a pre-sieged city over two episodes! Mexico likely will come in & sweep the near empty core of Ecuador once they are prepared, & likely some outside help. It also would be Bora-Bora’s best chance to work with Mexico to clean up what’s left & build up an army able to take the world by storm.

63: Damit!

L: The second more irrelevant relevant war be the Romans this episode has ended. Damanhur holds & nothing has changed. Trajan, you are Roman you goof! You’re the shepherds & Roman, you are supposed to literally have that dog in you. You absolute buffoon doing nothing. & Alawma you are just as guilty sending crossbowmen with marines!

64: Sharks Circling

L: Mogadishu moves in Simunye & Mhlume, it seems that eSwatini has basically no ability to repel their attacks, or retake the cities with Mogadishu’s overwhelming force. It’s great to see their comeback, but eSwatini can do nothing as their leaders face the truth & pack their bags, as a lone frigate comes by near the capital in the harbor.

65: Partisan Fumbles

L: The Visigoths will not go down without a fight, but Barcino reflips, & Visigoths’ chances get a bit more dim. I respect how the Visigoths are going down, partisans rebelling & striking against Sierra-Leone advancements. If anything is clear, it’s near the end for the Alaouites, & there is no coming back from elimination.

66: Red & circuses

P: The Afsharids are in a bit of a rough period with happiness, it’s a thing most players typically don’t have to deal with past the first few playthroughs. Nothing they can’t handle, but it makes it hard to win the game if a relatively small empire can’t even keep their happiness up. There also are practically no defenses on Khoshut’s west, which is a bit concerning, but forgivable seeing their rapid advance through Siam.

67: Outdated, Outnumbered, Outta time

P: A second capital has fallen to a foreign power! Ratchasima flips to Khoshuts, leaving Siam landlocked & unable to access the world. Falling behind in everything, all they can do is hope for shitty peace deals, but it’ll only extend their misery. Hope doesn’t patch a sinking ship, not that they even can use ships anymore.

68: Stop’n’Vrisk

L: Vrisk’vo has been retaken by the Nivkh, which I’m sure bodes well for Thule’s ranking in PR. The fact the Thule are losing this hard is rather embarrassing, but it’s not impossible to turn this around. They simply need to solve an issue many civs refuse to learn, & many people also don’t as well: you have to commit if you want to succeed.

69: Gonna strike a chord, it’s probably in A minor~

Turn 386

L: Johann Nepomuk Hummel has been drafted into the Dijon front, & has used this time to work on his music. Eventually he was noticed for his brilliance, & assigned to make music to keep the troops excited & marching into Dijon. P: At the same timeBristol flips, & while it can be taken back, it’s becoming clear that England is running out of steam. There’s not much room for failure, & even there, the Faroes can decide to commit at any time.

70: Life of Britain

A group of English refugees take shelter in Klaksvik, & during this time, they find joy in making fun of the world & the absurdity that it brings. Borrowing from their experiences back in England, & they find some humor in their suffering, & decide to make a film.

In a film, titled Life of Britain, a group of a few men build up an army in their attempt to unite Britain under one crown, but are met by various mishaps & misfortunes. Slowly but surely they manage to prepare for an assault on a city, but find themselves sorely unequiped to take the city. They attempt to look for artifacts that may lead to an advantage in their plot of taking the city of Bristol, but unfortunately, the city is taken by an invading army. While the main character attempts to create an overcomplicated plan to retake the city, the previous owners of the city retake it. While readjusting their plans, a bureaucrat comes by & asks if they have a permit for taking the city. They say no, & are fined for taking a city without a permit. While they are arguing over the fine, the city is taken by the invading army once again, which the bureaucrat goes & tries to fine the invading army. The protagonists decide to leave, & find the king himself. Once they reach the king's castle, they are faced with another bureaucratic annoyance of needing an appointment for an audience with the king. Neither schedule lines up, & eventually, they find out he is in Norwich, so they decide to head there, & meet him personally. Upon arriving, it is an active warzone, in which the king drunkenly attempts to get his units to do what he says. Our protagonist puts a sword to his throat, which the king doesn't understand what is happening, where a mishap decapitates him. The king does not die however, instead he now is solely a talking head, which the protagonist steals his crown & has him join his army to unite Britain. Eventually, after many fines, they take over all of Britain, but are unable to keep it due to the massive debt in fines to their own government.

71: Society for the Improvement of North American Music

Lui Tianhua thought that the music scene in America had been too quiet in these past few years, & decided that it’d be best to group many of the orchestral best of North America to all gather in Mo-he-ag-gra in order to work together in building a new project able to project North American music across the world. They would become some of the influential beginners of the new North American movement for orchestral music.

72: A Slow Assault

P: Saba has made some progress damaging Damietta, but hasn’t acknowledged that you need to protect your gunpowder units with more than outdated ships. Still, You can’t deny that Pontus is anything but of questionable mind. You have no units ready to do anything & declare war being unable to protect your own damn territory? Great work bestie!

L: Okay but what about a Qarmback, please? Do something! This is one of the few slides of them this release, just do something!

73: Goodbye & Alaouites

P: Giuseppe Tomasi di Lampedusa laid in bed, solitary & isolated, thinking about how everything has changed over the past few years, & now he would be subjected to an empire he barely knew. While a monarchist, he had erratic views on the world, & decided to write a memoir on the Alaouite nation, knowing that he would be the last generation to remember this great nation. His works would also include dramas that highlight Alaouite culture & beliefs.

74: Siege of the Indian Sea

L: Singapore, in a move of great strategy, moves to take the southern islands before moving up north, which is a pretty great strat for being able to take as much territory as possible with stable supply lines! Vijayanagara seems to be struggling to maintain their lines, & Singapore looks to be the favorite to win the battle of the southern islands. Not sure how they fumbled this battle so badly, but hey, that’s part of the CBRX experience!

75: Didn’t we see this bug last episode?

L: Guillaume Dufay, rejected by his own father, lived in tragedy, but in this time, he eventually was drafted, & would go on to help lead the troops in song on the frontlines. His choir-like writing & composition helped boost morale around the front in Ayutthaya, & hopefully, would lead to the end of the war. During his time, he would get offers back in Dam to help with the eventual consecration of a temple, which he agreed to do once he was done with his service. Hai Phong would be the next target, & Dufay feared a long war that he’d not come home from.

76: Returning home

Turn 387P: Finally, Ecuador flips Ibarra, only taking them over ten turns, & now they can turn their focus to their core cities to the north where Mexico is dancing their troops around the cities. There’s mostly no winning for Ecuador outside of extending their fairly quiet life for their citizens, but there will be no long term survival for them even if they hold Ibarra, Ecuador will lose their rank in PR.

77: Battle of Bristol

P: Bristol seems so close to falling, & I cannot imagine that Henry retakes it, it may be Joever for our favorite king here. Also, why are the Faroes doing so little, you have so many troops just itching to do something! There’s nothing in the channel, & it feels like drunken incompetence on both ends. In the distance one Henry V burps loud enough to break the silence.

78: This is as far as it goes, this the end of the road

L: This is the end of the show, it's over, all that is left is for the cities to be taken & extinguish any struggles left. Two in the red, one in yellow, & a colony far away. Mdluli & a few close government officials gathered together, & hopped onto a ship, grabbing some rations, & a few people to join them. They hugged those staying behind, & the captain called for all boarding to get on or be left behind.

79: A Missed Opportunity

P: & while the iron is hot, the Khoshuts let it cool down. While their aims may not have been as far reaching as conquering Siam, it seems to be a lost chance to take as much as possible before the Wahgi come in & take even more. A hypothetical buffer may be nice, but I think it makes more sense to limit the size of any front the Wahgi would have. The Wahgi seem ready to advance on at least Thanh Dong, which would be a death blow to Siam, with basically no hope of recovering. I mean they don’t have a chance now, but even less debatable.

80: Ibarrbarians

P: Turn 388

Jang Yeong-sil was requested to help with the logistics of the conflict, as the Mexicans came flooding into the Ecuadorian front, logistics is the one thing Ecuador needed most-outside of troops. Ibarra was lost, & the entire front seemed to be near to collapsing. He helped revamp the car's fuel economy by moving toward catalytic converters, which hopefully could lead to losing less fuel while going towards the front. This likely would not be enough, but anything is better than nothing.

81: Death Rattles

L: The foundation shakes, walls caving in, we all quake, it’s the end. One down, two taking their last rips of air before the sharks bring them underwater. But in the distance, one ship flees. Destination: Siteki, our only hope for survival. They turn the ship south, & the uncomfortable, sticky air wraps around everyone. One person tries to start a game, but everyone is too sullen to even respond. & so the long journey south is a quiet one, with silenced tears on every face.

82: Misplaced hope

L: The ship turns suddenly, moving from south east to west. There’s wild confusion after a bit, after it becomes clear that they are not making it to the Siteki. After a bit, Mdluli announces that there is no colony left, & their only hope is to search across the entire world for a port to survive. There’s no saving grace anymore, only survival. Once again, quiet overcomes the ship. With nowhere to turn west, most returned to bed with loved ones & let the time pass.

83: Onward, our Soldiers!

L: Sir Arthur Seymour Sullivan helps produce a comic opera in this time, creating an instant classic throughout the Indian subcontinent, some distraction from the war while they lose even more on their southern front. A good distraction is always appreciated! These helped develop the opera in Vijayanagara, & helped spread influence & desire of their culture. It at least helped with morale a bit!

84: These lore posts are fun but definitely a bit exhausting

L: Mark E Smith, while at a gig in Lithuania, was able to help create a post punk band under the name of “Falling Down”. An aggressive punk band with influence from across the world came striking through the Dzungar music world, with a consistent barrage of albums & music building up notoriety the world around.P: The Dzungars actually have a pretty decent core, but I’m not envious of their position in the cylinder.

85: Saving Grace

P: Saba’s assault is slow, but definitely making progress. It may flip back & forth a few times, but I don’t think Pontus will keep the city at the conclusion of this war. While there’s a chance of this, we’ll see what happens, I remain a Saba stan until the last drop of peasant blood.

L: Paradox games are my thing tho Paige!

86: We always wish there was more info on Wikipedia

P: We also get to see the Taíno unique unit here, which has been mentioned enough times already, so I’d rather talk about the core. It’s looking alright, but not as ahead as it could be. It’s definitely nice to see them finding more tech & building up across the Caribbean. Agüeybaná II likely doesn’t have a chance to win, but they may not be overrun immediately this season, which is always nice to see a civ able to put up a fight.

87: No More Tears

L: Barbra Streisand certainly is no figure to pass off, she has been fundamental in the Zheng pop culture over her entire existence, producing films, being an actress, & composing music in her time on this cylinder. Winning awards & accolades for her contributions to the nation. No less than 24 studio albums, she is an unforgettable presence in their history.P: Holy shit that carpet, that’s a very nice carpet. It’s hard to overestimate how much the Zheng can help those fucking around to find out. The land is definitely not as clearcut, but

88: Ticking Time Bomb

Turn 389

P: We have some Wahgi peacekeepers holding the line between Palawa & Noogar. In such a tense continent, a peacekeeping force honestly may be the deciding factor between the two Australian powers. Even so, there are routes that could lead to some advances, including in the south near Pataway. Hold on, I’m being informed that Noogar is planning an attack against Palawa! Well this is quite interesting. Against the Palawa alone, it’d be an easy victory for securing the entire continent, but with the Wahgi peacekeeping alone, it’s not going to be easy, especially if he decides now is a good chance for a surprise attack from the north.

Sidenote, only Tarenorerer is included in the info sheet, not the full name. Weird thing that is.

89: Desperate Defense

P: Henry sits with a few of his advisors outside of London. The island is lost, & they all know that. The artillery are coming, the ships are coming, & now the only decision left is to either die with honor, or flee to win another day. Another advisor chimes in that they have little time to make this choice, heck the channel is already filled with Faroe ships, so any escape is risky. Bavaria hasn’t taken Dijon, but it seems to be just a delayed death. So, Henry stands up, nods, & sets off to his room. His advisors head off, & the generals are notified of his decision.

90: Death of Era

L: The nation is gone, all that is left are a few scattered units contacted through telephone lines & maybe a few ships across the world. eSwatini now is a government in exile, attempting to run in this exile, but to no real recognition. Mdluli now lives in darkness, & his people abandoned by a man who they promised their loyalty to. Now, Mogadishu, Ndongo, Saba, & Palawa hold the tiny scraps left, to govern a people abandoned. Also, nice swipe Palawa, that’s what we like to see here!

91: A Stiff Resistance

L: The Leovigild government’s legitimacy has collapsed, & a variety of different partisan units have taken up charge of the military. While less than perfect, there’s largely no hope for the state’s survival, so a loose confederation of various nationalistic extremist movements will be the Visigoths’ final days. Yet, Sierra-Leone marches onto Narbo. If they maintain their momentum, they’ll be set for the next phase of the battle royale.

92: A Sea Change

P: Kalibangan flips to Singapore, as their strategy works about as well as they can wish. Singapore is a civ that can lose cities & gain cities in the same episode, & seemingly fall down & up at the same time. The assault on Rakhigarhi has begun, leading to it falling to yellow. While it may flip a few times, I don’t see it being likely that Vijayanagara will be able to hold the city without reinforcements, which from there, Mangalapura is only a small hop away. Things are looking good for Singapore.

93: Euphoria

L: François Joseph Paul, or Comte, helped lead the Bora-Bora navy across the Drake Passage, a dangerous & harrowing journey that nearly no navy dares attempt to cross, but he managed to get every single ship across nearly unscathed, for this, & his bold fighting in Patagonia, he was awarded the highest possible honor.

With that, Bora-Bora’s chances are much better, they’ve had two episodes of them rocking South America, & it seems they have no reason to stop. Taking Tiwanaku seems like the next obvious choice, or leading into Ecuador, take your pick! Either way, Bora-Bora stocks are going to rise.

94: Tailspin

L: Siam is left a rump state, collapsing within, & nowhere to turn. The Wahgi next turn likely will take the third capital, which Rama V continues to indulge in his vices in spite of the world, & there is no coming back. I can only imagine the shame & weight that Rama must have now.

P: Thank you all for your patience this episode, we wanted to make this the best we could in the circumstances given to us, & we appreciate being given the chance to narrate for you all. Feel free to share your thoughts, we’d love to hear. There can only be one winner of CBRX. There is no room for seconds, & the onslaught of death must be ruthless & heartless. As this episode has come & gone, we see different Civs fighting over the same land in the hope of ending the eternal cycle of violence, with their vision & culture dominating of course. Tune in next time, to see how things go.

Episode 31: Walls Caving In – S4