Episode 35: Goliaths Abound – S4

Hello my friends, and welcome back to Episode 35 of the Civ Battle Royale X, Episode 35. My name is Jack and it’s my pleasure to take you through this week’s slides. It’s my first time narrating so if you didn’t like anything, feel free to track me down in real and physically and verbally accost me for my transgressions. I will understand. Let’s jump in.

With thanks to our master cartographer Sonicfan0511, we take a look at our map of the cylinder as we begin the episode. My winner for “Worst Border Gore” simply has to go to Goguryeo and Ikko-Ikki. Kennyo, you had every chance to make Japan yours, and I hope you lose sleep over it.

How’s this for some original content! Our brave and benevolent mod Coiot has announced they are making stickers to commemorate CBRX Season 4. Coiot has made a lengthy and informative post on the subreddit, so I urge you to take a look if you are interested. A special shoutout to whoever buys a Shawnee sticker - you’re the truest fan of them all.

Wow! Look at all of our lovely supporters of the CBRX! I’ve had the pleasure of meeting each and everyone of these great people in person, and I can confirm that they all have a satisfyingly firm handshake, smell of lavender and freshly baked bread, and speak in dulcet, velvety tones. If you too would like to have a firm handshake, smell pleasantly, and speak like an NPR radio host, then consider supporting CBRX on Ko-Fi!

Our PR slide for the week focuses on my sweet boys, Mexico. So strange to see a civilization win a war resoundingly in a previous episode, increase their land far past a pinch point for an encroaching military, and situate themselves firmly on a continent where there is now not a clear leader. However, the more they expand, the more danger they put their empire in. Mexico really needs to focus on rebuilding internally before they lash out at a neighbor, regardless of it is the imposing Yellowknives or the slightly less imposing Seneca.

We begin this episode with a goodbye on Turn 451. The Nivkh’s last stronghold of Okha in the Siberian north has been captured by Goguryeo, to the surprise of no one who caught the tail end of last week’s episode.

The Nivkh gave the sub promise at the onset of CBRX Season 4. With a Siberian starting position that allowed for growth as fast as the Nivkh could produce settlers, the potential was there for Nivkh to emerge from Eastern Asia as a player on the world stage. However, their stagnation early on in the face of Goguryeo’s rapid expansion boxed them into northeastern Siberia. Without room to expand, Umu failed to expand by force, instead enjoying their corner of the world. Through the efforts of Goguryeo and, I suppose, the Thule, the Nivkh quickly lost their claims to their Siberian homeland. Umu, now free from your duties as leader of your people - I wish you well. May you find warmer weather across the cylinder.

The Nivkh finish in 38th place. F.

One must imagine the Finnish Kingdom happy. I can concede that life is likely difficult for The Finns - they are boxed in by neighbors they will never defeat, the harsh cold of a long Scandinavian winter makes living conditions tough, and they lag behind the world significantly in terms of culture and technology. However, there is a beauty in the Sisyphian cycle through which a Finnish man or woman goes. Without goals of world domination in mind, whether through military might, scientific achievement, or cultural influence, each Finnish citizen, from the lowliest of peasants all the way up to King Kirkukarmu, simply wakes in the morning, does what they need to do to survive, and goes asleep to start anew again. Without a sincere threat of war for over 6,000 years, there is no fear of hostility from their nearby neighbors. Their four cities of Kirkukarmun, Rapolan, Rikala, and Kalliomaki stand not as testaments to the stalwart nature and resolve of the Finnish military, but as humble outposts that have grown organically within the thick spruce forests of the frigid north. Someday, conflict is bound to come to the Finns. But until that point, they are bound to eat and drink merrily, though modestly, with their fellow man.

“That’s all such bullshit”, says a Latvian Aizsargi to a nearby settler. “If it were up to me, we’d take them out right now. Hell, if it were really up to me, we’d have taken them out years ago. Burnt them all to the ground, all of their “achievements”, if you can even call them that, and you and I could call that our new home.”

Some think it’s in the Latvian Aizsargi’s nature to harbor chaos and destruction - as a Great War Infantry replacement, it’s special ability is to destroy tile improvements made by Great People. In return, the great Latvian Empire would receive a Great Person of its own. Karlis Ulmanis might look at it as a boon to his empire, but deep down, the Aizsargi just sees it as a way to bring destruction upon the world, no matter how minor.

The frontlines of the Kanem Bornu and Saba D’mt war spell trouble for Kanem Bornu. Fresh off the heels of their war with Thomas Peters and Sierra Leone, they find themselves outnumbered by a Sabaean military who is destined to encroach on Nkongsamba. The Great King Idris Alawma, who had been visiting Nkongsamba to speak with military generals in the area, is ushered away by his personal security force. In the dark of night, he is snuck past a Sabaean cavalry unit on his journey back to Damanhur. Damanhur should prove safer for now.

Our first look at the war over Polynesia shows just how screwed Bora Bora is. Wahgi has swooped in to take the island village of Tiva, and they have completely enshrouded Pachacamac and ‘avera with helicopters - I count 15 and 18 choppers around each, respectively. At this point, the constant cacophony of Richard Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries” throughout Bora Bora’s island holdings, a la “Apocalypse Now”, are a fact of life. With a few melee units within range of both, and an additional infantry unit outside ‘uturoa, this does not look good for the darling of CBRX Season 4..

Turn 452. Bouts of rage are heard throughout a seaside manor in Emerita, as news of war reaches King Henry V. “They can’t do this! They just can’t do this to us!” spouts the king, cursing Trondor i Gotu under his breath. After standing motionless for what seemed like minutes, his courier pipes up. “Your Royal Highness, this is not the doing of Trondor, though a devil he might be.” This was Ludwig and the Bavarians.”

King Henry turned back to look at the courier. He clears his throat and sits back down behind his desk. “Ah, uhh, very well then. Please fetch my generals. We have much to discuss. As quickly as you can, speak with our Head of Foreign Affairs. I need to speak with the Faroe Islands. They might be our only hope.”

War with Bavaria looks troublesome for England, but it is no foregone conclusion. If they can withstand the initial push of the Bavarian troops, then they may be able to hold them off at Autun, as backup troops may have a tough time navigating the Faroese troops outside Dijon.

Turn 453. Babylonian Spy Ishtar shares a file meant to be kept within the innermost circle of the Yellowknife Government. It reads:“A note from The Yellowknife Executive Assistant to The Chancellor. July 19, 2026. Chancellor Akaitcho remains unwell. His personal physician notes that his temporary psychosis continues to persist, though symptoms are beginning to fade. Her reports note that Chancellor Akaitcho hears faint voices and footsteps from around his chambers. He claims to see blurred, shadowy visages of a figure rooting through his belongings during the depths of night. Examinations of his chambers by our investigative bureau before and after these events show that no such action has taken place. His chambers remain as neat and orderly as usual, and all of his personal belongings and briefings are accounted for.

In his mandated appointments with our chief psychologist, it has been noted that he is been acting uncharacteristically aggressive and unreasonable. He will fluctuate from prolonged periods of silence to outbursts of fury towards various foreign leaders. He appears to be chiefly concerned with former Hungarian leader Elizabeth Bathory, who passed away over 80 years ago.

Our physician and psychologist agree to keep Chancellor Akaitcho on leave until his condition improves.”

Ishtar quickly receives a message back: “Ishtar. You are walking on thin ice. Security around Chancellor Akaitcho is going to increase greatly. Leave the Yellowknife Republic immediately. Return to base for your next assignment.”

Turn 454. “Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds.” The simple but heavy phrase echoes through the otherwise empty concrete bunker in the remote forests of the lands of the Ume-Sami. “Damn,” the nuclear physicist thinks to himself, “I should’ve saved that one for when there were more people around.”

In Australia, the slow encroachment of the Wahgi troops into Australia is beginning to be worrisome. Both Tarenorerer and Yagan are unsettled as the superior military force on the cylinder outnumbers their own forces in their shared continent. For Noongar, it will be difficult to navigate the Wahgi peacekeepers. For Palawa, northern Australia would appear to be impenetrable.

Turn 455. In just 4 turns, the Wahgi get their hands on ‘avera, ‘uturoa, and Pachacamac. Surely the Great King Puni and his subjects cry out for peace. Puni and his people are not naive, and they can certainly acknowledge that their almost non-existent navy in the Pacific will never be able to stop the flood of Wahgi troops from taking their islands. Begging for peace from the Wahgi seems to be Bora Bora’s only path out of it. But, over the unending whir of helicopter blades and flyovers from their own air force, the Wahgi hears no such pleas for peace. That, or they choose to ignore them.

Six Polynesian islands remain under Bora Boran control. Citizens of Vaitape and Vai’ea have likely accepted their fate, and the 6.5 million Bora Boran strong in Nunu’e see death on the horizon themselves.

Late night discussions between two security guards at a Ngyl’vo military bunker reveal a game of cat-and-mouse that Gwanggaeto ponders daily. “To reveal these bombs shows to the world that we are strong, menacing, and ready to be ruthless. It strikes fear into the world. It’s a reminder that we are Goguryeo, and we are not to be messed with,” says one security guard, as he leans back in his foldable metal chair.

The other security guard takes a long drag on a cigarette and flicks it to the ground. “Is it more of a message to show these to the world now? Or to use it when we are provoked? Do you realize how much of my taxes went to building these things? I’ll be damned if I gave Gwanggaeto my hard earned money, and spent my limited life on this cylinder, protecting 4 very fancy pieces of metal that will just stay in the ground. If anyone is dumb enough to invade us, they deserve it.”

From his chair, the guard pipes up. “Who’s to say these are only going to be used against military units?”

A long silence follows.

Four atomic bombs sit within firing range of the Thule. Will Gwanggaeto be the first decide to push the button?

In just two turns, the English troops outside Autun have all but nullified the Bavarian blitz. A lone cavalry unit sits outside the slightly damaged walls of Autun. Shots from English artillery boom in the distance, and both the horses and their mounted combatants shudder as they look up towards the sky. Reinforcements are not on the way, and their time might be up soon.

Northwest of Dijon, a Bavarian squad of pikeman give each other motivational speeches as they prepare for battle. Sure, in military terms, they might be “the little guys”, but they vow to fight with spirit, honor, and with all the glory of the Bavarian Empire. The rest of the Bavarian military may wield guns, but the Bavarian pikemen have heart.

Turn 457. Nkongsamba falls to Saba D’mt. The city is likely to flip back to Kanem Bornu, but it should be asked if they even should. For the 470,000 people who call Nkongsamba home, a struggle for power in the city would spell death for a vast number of them. Saba’s intimidating band or artillery have trained in on the city center and are ready to fire at a moment’s notice. To maintain support in his capital-in-exile of Damanhur, Idris Alawma will certainly try to take the city back to keep the morale of his military and his people high. But it will still spell disaster for the civilians of the doomed city of Nkongsamba.

Eagle eyed viewers may have noticed a war declaration from Wahgi towards Kanem Bornu in the sidebar. What drives the Great Kind Bol’im to do such a thing? To kick a man and a country down when they are at their lowest point? The Wahgi are far and away the most powerful civilization on the cylinder right now - they should not feel obligated to participate in such petty global politics and declare war on a declining nation like Kanem Bornu. I would posit that Bol’im cares not about appeasing his fellow nations by showing his support in the war against Idris Alawma and the Kanem Bornu people - rather, Bol’im is a man hell bent on bringing death to the weak and incapable and relishing in their demise and defeat. If these accusations are true, then the future does not look bright for our fan favorite Bora Borans.

In his diary, a Mexican Volunteer Corpsman writes:

“Day 782. I started my day as I did every day - I woke up before the sun, I prepared my rations for the day, and cursed the Great Prince Maximillian I for sending me to the middle of the fucking desert halfway across the fucking cylinder. Just like usual, we finished our military exercises before the morning heat sunk in, and we were dismissed for the day. Through the grace of the gods, clouds began to roll in for the day, and we were spared from the midday sun. Along with some friends, we walked to the border of the land that the Pontus Empire allows us to call home. Across the border, we gazed upon the last bastion of the Kanem Bornu empire. Their artillerymen made their way to the border. We tried talking to them, but we didn’t share a language. Even without speaking, you could see years of exhaustion on their faces. You could see an overwhelming sadness in their eyes. They did not walk upright like a proper soldier should - instead, they walked to and from their weapons slowly and without order. I’m not a betting man, but if I were, I wouldn’t bet on Kanem Bornu. As we walked back to camp, the clouds rolled away. A brief respite from the heat was nice today. I don’t expect one again any time soon. I ended the day as I did every day - I cleaned my bunk, I prepared my rations for the evening, and cursed the Great Prince Maximillian I for sending me to the middle of the fucking desert halfway across the fucking cylinder.”

Ishtar is sent to the Ndongo Republic. Her attendance to private fundraising events by President Nzinga Mbande reveals the contempt that Mbande still holds for the Rozvi people behind closed doors. She speaks of ways to further disadvantage the Rozvi people still living in Danangombe and Khami, which she mentions will “better serve those of us who proudly fly the Ndongo colors.” She is constantly reminded by the republic’s politicians that nationwide unity is their only path forward. Whether or not she will heed those remarks remains to be seen.

Though a former contender for the top African contender, Ndongo’s relatively stagnant behavior since her annexation of Eswatini’s African holdings has pushed her towards the middle-tier of the power rankings and InfoAddict statistics. With the rest of Africa in an almost constant conflict, it might be high time for her to find a spot to fit into that conflict.

Turn 458. With tears in his eyes, the Great King Puni takes one last look at Nunu’e, the city he helped to build from the ground up over 6,000 years ago. Nunu’e was the cultural home of the Bora Bora people, a nucleus for Polynesian culture to spread across the islands and into their South America holdings. It was the shining example that all Bora Boran cities wanted to live up to. But with its capitulation to the Wahgi, Puni knows that it will likely be years before he could call Polynesia home, if ever. For now, he will head to the safety and stability of South America. If there was a chance that Bora Bora could hold on to the islands around Nunu’e, then it might have been wiser to move the capital there - but Wahgi’s military forces show no sign of stopping.

Four Polynesian islands remain under Bora Boran control. Two are destined to flip next turn. Also, to the Osage caravel situated outside Tupa - these aren’t exactly the safest waters to explore right now. Try going…literally anywhere else in the world besides right here.

With their islands destined to fall to the Wahgi, we can now take a look at the Bora Bora core. And…you know what? They’re really not looking too bad! If Bora Bora can find peace with Wahgi, even at the expense of their non-South American territory, we could still look at them with a hint of optimism. Puni’s masterful work in securing South American lands earlier in the civilization’s history is going to keep him and his proud people alive and kicking. A rebuild of a fierce navy and army are imperative, but a future for the Bora Bora remains.

Meanwhile, war breaks out in Central Asia, as the Selkups declare war on The Afsharids (along with the Osage, who are certain to make a difference). Pontus piles on to Kanem Bornu, much to the chagrin of the already depleted Idris Alawma.

The great lakes outpost of Pituffik begins to take fire from nearby Osage  forces. Osage finally remembers that they too could’ve settled this land centuries ago, and are finally catching up. (Great Musicians on the frontlines!)

Diplomat of the Osage State and Seneca Horde realize in a discussion with one another that the Thule’s holdings in Pituffik make no sense. “That land should have been ours,” they say to each other, “and it’s time that one of us take what is rightfully ours.” Artillery strikes from the Osage take Pituffik to the red. Seneca troop look on eagerly, but without safe passage through Faroese land, will need an amphibious invasion approach if they want to get their hands on the prize.

Two Thule workboats stand by as conflict spread around them. “Does this mean we have the day off?”, one boat radios to the other. “...yeah sure, I think we could use a break,” responds the other.

More urgently for Cornplanter, both Chenussio and Kaoto’ look to be in grave danger as they both plunge into the deep red. New Holland’s navy on the eastern seaboard of North America should snag the city within the next turn, and Mexico will likely do the same in the Seneca’s southernmost city. If Mexico is unable to get any reinforcements, then the fight over Kaoto’ is likely to be a flip fest.

There’s a rap on the door of Idris Alawma. A guard inside opens up the door to reveal Idris hunched over behind his desk, with newspapers, books, and briefings strewn about.  “Sir,” a voice calls out. “We need to leave. Damanhur is on its last leg. Nkongsamba should be safer, for now.” Idris looks up, his eyes red, from tears of exhaustion, or both. He is given a disguise to change into, as a caravan is prepared for him outside. As he is smuggled into the caravan and out of the war-torn Damanhur, he utters to a man in his security force, “I told you we should have taken back Nkongsamba.” In the chaotic exodus from the damned former Mamluk city, Idris Alawma escapes to a bastion of relative safety. He has a sliver of a window to make peace with his neighbors before his last city is taken as well, and his empire crumbles to the ground.

A look at the Caspian Sea shows just how ludicrous the Selkup “offensive” on the Afsharids is proving. The Selkup cities of Elista and Saratov are the frontlines of this conflict, but there are no Selkup ground military units. The 6 planes in each city are sure to hinder the Afsharid efforts. But unless they get a ground force to these two otherwise poorly defended cities, Nader Shah is likely to benefit from Vonya’s foolish war declaration…that is…if the Osage stay out of this conflict.

The Osage caravel gets out of harm’s way as 32 helicopters dwarf the remaining Bora Boran islands in the Pacific. No matter how much Puni is willing to give these up in a peace deal, Bol’im and the Wahgi simply will have none of it - why take peacefully what you can take swiftly and forcefully?

An independent contractor hired by the Goguryean government has found that internal meetings could be made 4.5% more efficient by lifting one simple rule - the Korean leader does not need to be mentioned by his complete title whenever he is mentioned; just “Generalissmo Gwanggaeto” will suffice.

A friendly competition is afoot between Mithridates and Thomas Peters - they both may call themselves “King of Kings”, but only one of them can be “King of King of Kings”.

Let’s talk about the audacity of Johan Maurits. He builds exactly ONE world wonder in the Uffizi and has the nerve to call himself “Lord of the Arts”. Self-aggrandizing? Perhaps…but no one in New Holland would ever say it to his face.

In their late night rambles, the envorinmentally conscious Warlord Makeda of the Sabaean Horde often asks why Saba D’mt can’t just take over the world not by force, but by cultural domination through the cylinder-wide love of Sabaean National Parks. Their advisors have to remind Makeda that unfortunately, this is a domination only game, and the National Park strategy is move of a Civ 6 move.

With our last government overview slide, I must tell you that if I knew anything about this mechanic, I would have told you now. But unfortunately, I’ve got nothing. So let’s move on.

Turn 459. Back to the action we go! Great King Trondur i Gotu looks down at his to do list and mumbles to himself. “Make Greenland a megalopolis…no, not today…build more workboats…eh, we already have enough of those for now…settle North America…ahh there’s just not enough room…ooh I know, I can finally cross this one off the list!” Trondur takes a pencil and puts a checkmark next to the line item “Destroy England”, and sets off to discuss with his generals and with military diplomats of Bavaria.

England is…well…screwed. In one turn, Autun is brought into the red with plenty of units ready to capture next turn, and the three remaining English cities are ripe for Trondur’s taking. King Henry will need something magical to get out of this alive.

As we expected, Kaoto’ has fallen to Maximillian, giving Mexico a strategic exclave on the North Atlantic. Notably, only one Seneca melee unit stands on the outskirts of the city - without quick reinforcements, it’s not out of the realm of possibility that Kaoto’ could stay green and yellow for the near future.

Meanwhile, further north, the New Holland navy continues to siege Chenussio. A destroyer sits outside of modern day Boston Harbor, but unless Johann Maurits and his navy makes a path for it to take Chenussio, then the bombing of the city will continue ad infinitum.

“Juuuust checking in,” one Thule workboat captain radios to another. “Looks like the other guys took Pituffik.”

“Thanks for, uh, checking in. I can confirm that Pituffik has fallen to the Osage.”

Silence permeates the radios for a few seconds, until the first captain speaks. “My guys are, uh, well, you know…pretty torn up about this. Think we might need to take another day off. Maybe two or three. Just to give them a break, you know?”

“Yep, yep, I hear you loud and clear. My guys are preeeeety torn up about this. Couple days of rest wouldn’t hurt.”

“I hear you. We’ll check in a few. Take care of yourselves, and enjoy the rest.”

At long last, the Osage expand and collect more of the Great Lakes. It might be thousands of years later than anyone would have expected, but they sure did it.

It’s not a huge leap to say that someday, Maximillian’s forces might waltz into Chetopah and annex it into the Grand Principality of Mexico. And, when that happens, Chetopah will be revered as a marquee tourist destination, boasting six beautiful, historic citadels,testaments to the boldness and pride of the Mexican army, just outside its walls. But until then, Chetopah is destined to be one of the silliest looking and saddest cities on the cylinder. Poor Pawhuska.

Damanhur falls to Mithradaites, as Idris Alawma arrives back in Nkongsamba. Though once met with fanfare and appreciation, Idris dares not show his face on the streets of the last Kanem Bornu city. Even the council he has built around him is beginning to crumble and show their contempt they harbor for their once great leader. He doesn’t want to admit it to others nor to himself, but Idris knows that his time is short. He, too, can gaze from the outskirts of his city and see the Saba D’mt artillery ready to siege for days and nights until a battalion of ground troops comes in to take the city. He, too, read the reports of Pontus forces coming to backup the group making an attack on Damanhur. He will have to make peace immediately with greater powers who have no desire to take their foot off the gas pedal.

Close by, in the Roman city of Mansoura, an avalanche of cavalry units stands at attention. Those Sierra Leone cities look ripe for the taking - with only a smattering of Sierra Leonean troops in their eastern holdings, and cities with defense that would make the first little piggy’s house look like the Pentagon, Thomas Peters would be wise to make an adjustment sooner rather than later.

Just one turn has passed in the Selkups’ game of 4D Chess along the Caspian Sea. Nader Shah has made quick work of Elista and Saratov, and to no one’s surprise, there is no Selkup force there to recapture. Somewhere in the Selkup capital, Warlord Vonya sits and smiles. “This is all going exactly to plan,” he thinks to himself. “Now it’s time to begin Phase 2 against those nasty Afsharids.”

“Sir, what is Phase 2?”“When I find out, I’ll be sure to let you know.”

Turn 460. “Hey, you want to know what would be really funny?”, says a Thulean first mate to her ship captain. “What if we just kinda swooped around all of these Dutch ships and went right on in there?”

“Oh god, that would be so funny.”

“...should we?”“No. Noooo! No, definitely not.”

The two women share a glance with each other. Almost instantly, a smile comes across their faces, and the first mate sprints off to announce the plan to the crew.

In my personal favorite moment of the episode thus far, the Thule take Chenussio right out from New Holland’s nose. Javraganak’s destiny to have holdings on the eastern seaboard finally come back to life. Will Chenussio get flipped? I mean, yeah, most likely. But even if it does, the for one brief moment, the Thule navy was funny. And in a game where the ultimate goal is total world domination through military might, being funny is the ultimate power move.

“I know what will make them happier,” King of Kings Thomas Peters thinks to himself. “How about another war!”

Thomas Peters, as a fan of Sierra Leone, I don’t want to be rude to you, so I will instead frame my panning of you as a compliment. I respect your boldness to declare war on a neighbor when your people are perennially unhappy. I acknowledge the faith you must have in your military, as they are severely outnumbered in your eastern holdings. I think it is beautiful how you simply refuse to put walls up around your cities, as a way to welcome in one and all to your sprawling empire.

Trajan must be licking his lips right now. This might end up being a blunder of epic proportions for my sweet lad Thomas Peters.

Turn 461. Just like that, the Seneca strike back and reclaim Chenussio. Cornplanter sends a diplomat to Javraganak with an offer of peace. At first Javraganak is not sure whether to take the offer. As he hems and haws, the Seneca diplomat takes a sash out of his leather bag and hands it to Javraganak. “Cylinder’s Funniest Leader”, he reads on the sash. He furrows his brow at the diplomat, and then quickly smiles and lets out a belly laugh. “So you thought that was funny too? I knew you would! I’m glad we can find some humor in this world.” Javraganak reaches out to shake the hand of the diplomat and walks off proudly. “Did you see my new sash?” he says to his government colleagues? “It says I’m the Cylinder’s Funniest Leader.”

Elsewhere, Seneca recaptures Kaoto’ and demoralize the Mexican invaders. Probably said something about how they will never be as funny as the Thule.

Though Bol’im has descended down onto and captured Cajamarquilla, pride still runs deep in the heart of the Bora Boran military. Naval units have managed to find the spirit and resolve to set sail on Wiracochapampa and recapture it for their Great King Puni. If Wahgi is so focused on showing his utter dominance, he just might forget that he needs to capture these cities to make them part of the Wahgi Empire. If Bora Bora can stall for long enough, then just maybe a peace deal will leave them with Polynesian holdings.

First blood in the Rome and Sierra Leone war, as Thomas Peters quickly captures both Nevers and Tetuoan from Rome. Don’t be surprised if these go back and forth between the dueling leaders. In the east, however, I’m not as confident. Agadir is brought to the red, and a seemingly unending stream of cavalry looks rife to challenge Sierra Leone for Minya and Bornu.

Turn 462. A look at Eastern Australia, the Tasman Sea, and New Zealand shows us the might of Palawa. Tarenorerer has done quite well for himself, slotting himself in at number XXX in the CBRX Power Rankings. If Tarenorerer stopped to consider his position, he would start really thinking about his neighbor to the east in the Noongar. With a 13 technology lead,a population that dwarfs that of the Noongar Empire, and a vast difference in city defense capabilities, a reasonable land force might be able to turn a good chunk of mainland Australia white and brown. However, the clock is ticking - the Wahgi peaceforce on the continent is not getting any smaller.

In just three turns, Trondur swoops up Autun and Asturica. Asturica may flip once but there is no chance for it to stay under English control. The de facto English capital of Emerita is brought into the black by the Faroese air force. It’s the end of the road, King Henry. You’ll fly the blue and purple in no time. Prepare your F keys, folks.

Elsewhere, Goguryeo declares war on Singapore. A fair distance separates the two, but with the strength of the Goguryean military, this war might go somewhere. Only time will tell.

After a reminder from the Thule on how to capture a city, New Holland finally brings its melee unit into Chenussio, giving the now Brazilian Dutch city its 3rd leader in 2 years. At a population of just 6,000, it’s not much of a city any more, and it’s likely to continue changing hands as Seneca has a good deal of warm bodies to throw at it for now.

Kaoto’ flips back to Mexico, and it looks like it may have one turn to rest and recover before a Seneca invasion makes its way back.

For the third time in recent memory, Idris Alawma is smuggled out of a fallen Kanem Bornu city. As he leaves and navigates his way through the legions of Roman cavalries cascading into Sierra Leone, he sees the citizens welcome the invading Saba D’mt forces with open arms, offering what little food and hospitality they have left in the decimated city of Nkongsomba. It’s a miracle that Idris is able to navigate through the Roman/Sierra Leonean strife back to Damanhur. He is met by a Great General on the border. The two men look upon each other with shame and anger, yet share no words before parting ways. They both know how this story ends - the only question is what civilization will write the final chapter.

Nevers, Tetuoan, and Sale flip to Rome as war rages on in the Sahara. Thomas Peters is lucky he invested so much resources into his air force, as this would look a lot different without his planes. Even still, the Sierra Leonean military is mostly centered at the northwestern front, leaving the east sparse and at risk. Kalmyk knights watch on in Tetuoan - they have the opportunity to hit a snipe so great it would make the Thule’s snipe of Chenussio look like pennies.

A look at the Zheng core shows an empire who clearly has their priorities straight. On one hand, they have a fierce naval carpet, albeit with partially outdated technology. If it wasn’t for the high city strength of Ikko-Ikki, the Zheng couldreally put this navy to good use - for now, it seems like their most important role is to slow the flow of the Goguryean navy towards their current adversary in Singapore.

On the other hand, take a look at Zheng’s land army. I count just 15 actual military units compared to, and I welcome you to check for yourself, 15 Great Generals. If you remove their civilian units, it would be easier to see Zheng’s land for what is really is - ripe for the taking.

Also, hello Hungarian crossbowmen! I hope you’re enjoying your stay.

Fresh off their conquest of Selkup territory, the Afsharids find themselves in a precarious spot. With weaker neighbors on almost all sides, it could be wise for Nader Shah to build on their momentum and invade a nation like Bukhara. However - their core is fairly empty after being in conflict for much of the past turns, and the threat of the Wahgi looms larger every day. Afsharid intel notes to their military commander that the Wahgi have 2 planes in Ayutthaya. Additionally, UFO sightings near the Indian subcontinent appear to have skyrocketed. I wonder why that might be.

Turn 463. What’s next for Bavaria? Their aggression on England really only set the table for the Faroes to steamroll into the remainder of King Henry’s lands. With that door closed, they sure can’t go after the Faroes, and I think they would be foolish to go after Rome, especially considering the strength of the Roman navy. Komarom looks like a possibly enticing target due to Latvia’s sparsely defended lands (unless their 5 workers in the city have anything to say about it). But for now, King Ludwig looks boxed in.

Time is up, Henry. With the flip of Asturica and the capital of Emerita, Henry has run out of land to run away to. Artillery units may siege the city in vain per the orders of the nearby English generals, but it will be of no use. The sun has set on the English Empire.

Well King Henry, you gave us a lot to talk about. The British Isles are not the most forgiving start location on the cylinder, and that was made clear by the poor performance of the English in our Power Rankings. Bottoming out at rank 47 in Episode 7, it seemed a foregone conclusion that the English had nothing but gray skies ahead of them. However, their five wars with Burgundy over the course of the next thousands of years helped King Henry rise from their disadvantaged position, bringing them to an all-time high of 20th in our PRs. As is often the case, the crowded nature of the European continent continued to stifle England. But it wasn’t the density of Europe that did them in - they had proved in the past that the could expand across the small continent. It was the world superpower of the Faroe Islands that did them in in the end. Though the fought valiantly and creatively against their stronger foe, even a fool could have seen that they were destined to be swallowed by their neighbors to the icy north. For the former English citizens, I wish you well - may the rule of Trondur bring you prosperity under the flag of The Faroe Islands.

England finishes in 37th place. F.

A large contingent of Saba D’mt troops walk past the small Mexican military outpost, past the great musician Chiquinha Gonzaga and her traveling troupe of musicians, past the rubble on the outskirts of the city, and finally to the makeshift capitol building in Damanhur. With weapons drawn, they search the building for Idris Alawma. “Please, don’t shoot,” utters a meek voice from behind the desk in the King’s office. Handguns and swords are drawn and pointed at the Kanem Bornu king. The commander of the invading troops lowers his weapon, and with a slight smile on his face, wryly responds, “Let him go.” Idris slowly stands up, flinching and awaiting his demise. He carefully takes one step from behind the desk, and again flinches, expecting a shot to ring out. Silence. Another step, silence. He looks the commander in the eyes, albeit briefly, and walks through the doors and out of the building. Satisfied with their conquest, the troops raise the purple and gold colors of Saba D’mt from the building’s highest flagpole. Gunshots and artillery shells begin to subside. Citizens emerge from their residences, or what is left of them, and are welcomed by Saba’s forces. Whether by choice or by force, they are ushered into the Sabaean Horde.

Idris walks with his head down, avoiding interaction with any of his former citizens. Without a security force this time, he fears for any retaliation from his former subjects, but besides some who spit at his feet, toss small stones, or lob jeers in his direction, he escapes the city. Idris Alawma will be destined to walk the desert of the Sahara in exile as the sun sets on the Empire of Kanem Bornu.

I’ve already provided you with enough pointless lore for Kanem Bornu, so I will keep this eulogy short and sweet. A middling civilization throughout CBRX Season 4, Kanem-Bornu made some strides to attempt to expand in the African continent, where it still is not clear who will be a front runner. But, due to a lack of aggression and sizable military, any attempts they made to expand were half-hearted and stomped out by their neighbors, who always seemed to be a step ahead of them. With their fizzle out into obscurity over their last 3 episodes, accelerated by Sierra Leone and Saba D’mt’s aggression, Idris Alawma didn’t stand a chance. As Idris Alawma wanders the sandy stretches of the Sahara, I wish that he is welcomed back into a city he once called home.

Kanem Bornu finishes in 37th place. F.

More of the same here in Sierra Leone, as the Roman offensive has battered down multiple cities to rubble and destruction. More concerningly for Thomas Peters, Waterloo is brought into the deep red. The flip of a 16 population city could be very troubling for the stability of Sierra Leone. As a side note - what a formidable navy the Romans have - it’s a shame their naval front is relatively small. Still, they have a technological advantage over Sierra Leone, and their destroyers should be able to make some headway on the comparatively weaker privateers.

The Dzungars intrigue me. I hope it’s not a spoiler to say the Dzungars will not be your CBRX Season 4 champion (at least, as far as I know). But they have a pretty complete carpet of land forces in their empire, and are bordered by a comparatively weaker Bukhara and Mongolia. Even the Selkups, who came in at 5th in this week’s power rankings, have stumbled this episode. Their military strength is, in my opinion, not emblematic of a top 10 civilization, especially along their border with the Dzungars. Is it time to make a move?

Elsewhere, in Herat, a city which averages less than 5” of rain per year, Great Musician Burt Bacharach is struck by inspiration and begins to write his next big hit. He calls it “Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head.” Wishful thinking, Burt.

In the frigid recesses of the Faroe Islands Empire, we see a strong navy and 11 total air units. However, the aircraft’s concentration in Tyrus and Darhan, and the stagnant nature of the Faroe navy means one of three things - either Trondur has no fear at all for his neighbors, or he is worried sick about what lies even further north in the impenetrable fog of war, or Trondur is finally awake about the biggest threat to his sprawling empire: one Mogadishawi scout who must be frozen to the bone.

And now, a look at Mexico’s holdings in Central America. Despite their recent war against Ecuador, the Mexican military looks relatively strong, with an even mix of land and naval units. The Taino lands must seem tantalizing for Maximillian, but the Taino have sneakily built up a decent navy of their own, complete with a majority of destroyers and other modern ships. I’d still give an advantage to Mexico (and that might be my bias showing).

Mexico’s military strength is only further shown in this view, as their carpet extends all the way into their southernmost territory. The border between New Holland and Mexico is heavily militarized, and the Dutch Brazilian city defense would make it a real slog for Mexico to make any progress. However, as much as I hate to say it, an invasion to the south in Bora Bora might be much easier, especially considering their slight preoccupation with the foremost world power in the Wahgi.

The beautiful coastal city of Sailsbury is put under an impending threat from Sierra Leone. With no Roman reinforcements nearby, it will fly the Sierra Leonean flag in no time. Just next to Sailsbury, the remainder of the English military, along with one workboat with eager fisherman armed with hammers, try to figure out if there is any path to revenge on the Faroes. No such luck, my friends. Better to surrender now than to face the wrath of the Faroese troops.

Turn 464. Puni sends a short but powerful message to his generals, admirals and troops on the front line of their conflict with the Wahgi - “bend, don’t break”. Their ability to hold onto three islands for this long is either an impressive feat by Puni, an uncharacteristic fumble by Bol’im, or most likely a combination of the two. A swath of Thule privateers look on from a distance as the helicopter brigade in the Pacific just kinda…hovers there…as they have been doing for years. Progress is slow but steady for the Wahgi, but if Bol’im’s inability to capture cities gets any worse, then who knows what Bora Bora might end this war with?

At this point, life for a Wahgi helicopter pilot and gunner must be as boring as it is unsatisfying. The power of the Wahgi military is unparalleled, and yet its ability to capture cities quickly is being countered by a small navy and a dream. Thus, the helicopter pilot and gunner spend their days sieging the same cities that are all but decimated. Ready, aim, fire at the same demolished neighborhood day after day. If they heard the calls for peace from the local citizens, maybe they would think otherwise. But over the chop, chop, chop of the helicopter blades, it’s all just a blur for the Wahgi troops. So it’s ready, aim, fire for tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that.

Bornu flips to the Romans as the Roman cavalry stampede continues into Sierra Leone’s lands. It might be difficult for Rome to bring reinforcements to the frontlines if they need them - either they must rely on the production in their African cities, or they need to bring their military across the Mediterranean and into the continent. However, Thomas Peters’s military is looking rather depleted; their air force has a tall task ahead of them in defending Minya and Ngazargamu as well as flipping back Bornu, Sale, and Agadir.

Saba D’mt makes peace with Zheng and Kazan, and with a deep exhale from Sabaean citizens, there is peace at last in Makeru’s empire. Sana has done okay with their expansion in this season, with Tamna and Damanhur extending outside of natural borders that may have stopped them in the past. WIth no current superpower in Africa, is there any chance that Saba could make a move on either Mogadishu or Ndongo and start to spread their influence across Africa?

Also, since I don’t think I’ve mentioned them yet in this episode, hello Qarnatians! Hope you’re well.

Turn 465. Yes, slide maker. I see Radiohead, and I know I should comment on that…but can we talk about these Faroese cities? In total, across these 9 cities in Greenland, the Faroes boast a population of 31 MILLION residents, including over 9.1 million in Hoyvik alone! For reference, in our world, the largest city in Greenland is Nuuk, which boasts a number 19,000 residents. I don’t know what Trondur is doing up there but whatever it is, it is working.

Turn 466. For those who need it, we provide you with closure between the Faroese and the English. A ceremonial peace is granted by Great King Trondur. One English general takes his last look at the final bastion of England in Emerita. I wish him well - he is in a beautiful part of the cylinder, and with repentance could very well be welcomed into the fold of the Faroes. The Faroes have clearly shown that they can roll over most of the other nations on the cylinder at will. Who will be next, Trondur?

Yet another Sierra Leone city falls in Minya. Sierra Leone has mustered what ground forces they have to challenge the Roman cavalry outside Agadir. If these doesn’t work for Thomas Peters, then this might just be the start.

Eagle eyed viewers may have observed the razing Sale, between Nevers and Agadir. Will the Roman settlers in the Mediterranean take advantage of this opening? WIll Sierra Leone swoop and regain some of the Sahara? WIll a third, significantly funner option take place? I’m rooting for option three.

Further north, the bleak picture comes into focus even more for Thomas Peters. To lose a couple 3 population cities is one thing. But seeing Waterloo and Narbo, with 16 and 13 population respectively, in the black is terrifying. If Rome captures them, it will certainly change hands a few times before evening out. But those are large and important cities in Sierra Leone’s empire, both from a production and science perspective and from a strategic perspective. If they lose those cities, then Rome has an easier path into Thomas Peters’s lands.

Seneca cowardly makes peace with New Holland, ceding Chenussio and, more notably, Nundawao in the process. I really thought Chenussio was destined to flip back to Cornplanter. But, as one who fails to live up to expectations, Cornplanter just gave it away, and with it, any chance for his Horde to remain relevant on the North American continent. I wish the Seneca peaceful days ahead. May they plant corn while the sun is shining until they are ultimately swallowed up by the Faroes, who will likely someday remember that they can fight wars on North America and Europe at the same time.

Turn 467. Take a look at the Yellowknife army on the western border of the Osage State. Pawhuska would be wise to build up a military of his own, especially now that the brief war with the Thule is all but over. Unfortunately for the Osage, Pawhuska seems to be preoccupied with writing long, flowery letters for his new best friend, Warlord Vonya of the Selkups.

Who has two thumbs and forgot that Saba D’mt and Singapore were at war? This guy!My precious Singaporeans take significant fire in the city of GIngee as Saba D’mt bombs it from their coastal city of Qarnawu. Makeru seems to be taking their sweet time to get a melee unit over there, so Saba might just continue to make life terrible for the poor citizens of Gingee.

Waterloo falls to the Romans, and many of its citizens perish in the process. Unfortunately, they couldn’t escape if they wanted to. It’s sure to flip a few times, but I don’t have confidence that it will end in Sierra Leone’s hands.

Trajan must be frustrated at the difficulty his navy has in navigating the islands of the Mediterranean. He has a formidable flotilla to the east of Alexandria. Unfortunately, he can only fit one boat at a time through the sea between Sardinia and Africa. It’s a 115 mile gap between the two…but I guess you can never be too safe.

The former Alaouite cities of Agadir and Tetuoan are recaptured by Sierra Leone, who immediately sets them ablaze. This illuminates to us just how troubled the Sierra Leone Empire is right now. Thomas Peters has suffered from a nationwide happiness epidemic for a while now, and surely his choice to raze these cities is to minimize unhappiness in his empire as a whole. It’s a lose-lose for Peters - if they burn to the ground, then that just leaves more land for Trajan to settle. If he doesn’t burn them to the ground, then that means Trajan has come in and taken them. In slightly better news, Waterloo has flipped back to Sierra Leone…for now.

This…changes…everything. Prince Changamire Dombo of the late, great Rozvi Empire has not taken a single day off. In his wandering of the cylinder, he has experienced multiple lifetimes and had the chance to learn from everyone between his former homelands of South Africa, all the way up to the Baltic Sea. With his breakthrough into the Renaissance Era, the sky is the limit for the Rozvi. His last remaining settler has wandered the cylinder alongside Changamire on a search for lands on which to build the Rozvi Empire. Gods willing, they find it soon.

We return to the Southeastern Pacific to see what much of the sub feared. Wahgi has kicked it into another gear and taken all but one of Bora Bora’s islands. After much nervous anticipation, citizens of Machapa finally are met with the Wahgi forces surrounding their island paradise. Just one melee unit will relegate Bora Bora to an entirely South American civ (with a few Antarctic holdings as well).

Unfortunately for Puni, the wall of Wahgi enemies still shows no signs of stopping. A large contingent of submarines is headed for their southwestern coast in modern day Chile, Ichabamba and Ojjo start and continue to feel the first signs of Wahgi invasion. The Mexican army and Thule navy look with a mix of fear and awe - if they did this to Bora Bora…then what could they possibly do to us?

Turn 468. If you ever needed a slide to show you how important planes are, look no further. At first glance, it seems that Kazan has significant expansion opportunities in the Selkups, Afsharids, and Latvians - Kazan has quite a carpet, while the ground forces in their neighbors appear quite dwindled. However, with cities full of planes in The Selkup Horde and the Latvian State, their chances are not nearly as good as they look. It’s certainly possible forte Kazan to strike now, and they could just gain some ground in the process - especially consider Latvia’s very low city defense scores. But they need to act fast, or they might not get a chance to act at all.

It’s more of the same here in northern Africa - Waterloo flips back to Rome along with Agadir, as both sides’ militaries are starting to look tired and depleted. Rome has resorted to bring a Great Musician into the frontlines outside of Ngazargamu. I suppose there are some instruments that could really pack a punch.

A Roman settler begins to move towards the unclaimed land in the Sahara. Do you think they take bribes? I know of a certain Rozvi settler who could really use that space to restore their empire to its former glory.

As the narrator eats his words, Saba brings over a melee unit to capture GIngee and fly a different color purple over the island city. Though it may flip back to Lee Kuan Yew, it will be difficult for the Singaporean navy to replenish its fallen boats.

Turn 469. At a feast to celebrate the advances Rome has made on Sierra Leone, Trajan raises his glass in a toast, “To the glory of the Roman Empire and the might of her troops! It brings me great pride to share with you this feast, to remember the brave men and women who have sacrificed everything…”Trajan continues as an aide comes sprinting into the room with a note for Trajan. As he continues his toast, Trajan looks down and reads the note: “WAR WITH FAROES.”

Trajan’s face goes pale and his eyes widen. He finishes his toast with a noticeable quiver in his voice, excuses himself, and leaves the banquet hall immediately. He wouldn’t return for the remainder of the night.

Rome now finds themselves in a two-front war. In just one turn, Trondur has brought Nancy into the red, and their technologically advanced military is sure to rain hell down on the Roman cities.

Trajan is clearly quite rattled from the Faroese war declaration. Quite smartly, he immediately makes peace with Sierra Leone. Though Waterloo will remain in Sierra Leonean hands, Rome will come away with Minya, Agadir, and Bornu as the spoils of their war. But, considering the impact Trondur might have in Europe, Trajan will lose sleep wondering if their African conquest was all worth it.

Radio broadcasts between Omo, Piquillacta, and Wariwillca reveal the strategy that King Puni has set for his small sliver of Antarctica. In honor of the Not-so-great Musician Squidward Tentacles, Puni says “Maybe we should live so quietly, that no one can hear us.”

It seems that Antarctic Bora Bora has been completely forgotten by the Wahgi. These cities are no utopias, but for Bora Bora, every last bit matters right now. They’ll need everything they can get to put themselves through a proper rebuild and try to restore the glory of the Bora Boran Empire.

Turn 470. “To the Great King Puni and the proud Empire of Bora Bora,

I have received an urgent message from the Commander of our Navy in the Central Pacific Ocean. Our best intel shows a massive force of Wahgi troops, consisting of aircraft carriers, destroyers, advanced weaponry unfamiliar to our Department of Defense, paratroopers, and one engineer, appear to be heading in the direction of South America. Puni, as a friend to me and the Thule people, I warm you of this incoming doom. Bol’im is no king - he is a monster. He seems hell bent on the destruction of your people. This flood of troops in your direction may spell doom for Bora Bora. I believe in your ability as a leader to resound your troops and citizens to move heaven and earth and defeat this scourge on our cylinder. But move swiftly and with grave intent. Hell on earth may be closer than you think.

With fear for our cylinder,

Warlord Javraganak”

Javraganak’s letter to Puni understates how terrifying of a force the Wahgi are. Wherever this flotilla of military units is headed, death is surely to follow.

In the megalopolis of Minj, the Wahgi construct the Enrichment Center, a Future Era world wonder that provides +100% science and +1 science for every population in the city.

Woah.

The domination of the Wahgi is destined to continue snowballing lest the rest of the cylinder does something about it, and fast.

Between the unending air raid and ground forces of the Faroese military, Nancy stood no chance. It falls to the Faroe Islands in the first blood of this war. From here, though, progress may be shunted for Trondur. They have a path towards Narbo, but no path on land towards the heart of the Roman Empire. Where there is a will, there is likely a way for Trondur. But I wouldn’t be surprised if we see a constant onslaught of air raids on Carthago, Rome, and Athens for the foreseeable future.

Turn 471. Since the dawn of civilization, four wars have broken out between the two nations on the Australian continent. Bol’im, who apparently is anti-war now, sends a veritable cavalcade of peacekeepers deep into the lands shared and disputed between Palawa and Noongar. If either Palawa or Noongar want to make any progress on their opponent in Australia, then they’ll have to sneak past the Wahgi. What a terrifying image.

Ichibamba falls into the black, as the helicopter outside the coastal city awaits a melee unit to finish the job. The brigade of helicopters, formerly more than 30 units strong, as dwindled down to just 7 outside Ichibamba. It’s not currently known where they’ve headed. But, due to the correspondence between Puni and the Thule, Puni is still very much on edge about the second wave of Wahgi soldiers who they think are coming Bora Bora’s way.

Turn 472. Hopes are dashed for the remaining ravenous fans of the Rozvi, as the Romans settle Ctesiphon in the Sahara. They’ll be able to take advantage of the pastures and mines left behind after the city was razed, but it will be a while before it turns into a bonafide city, if ever.

If there is one thing Latvians are good at, it’s making more Latvians. With 4 cities at 33 population or more (which translates to 18 million residents), food and land are clearly an abundance for their people and a priority for Karlis Ulmanis. Unfortunately, it hasn’t translated to a similarly large army, as the lands of the Letts are sparsely defended. But hey, some of their citizens became The Clash. So that’s worth something, right, domination only game?

One reason I like tracking Africa is because there is really no clear front runner, especially with the instability of Sierra Leone. Early on, it looked like it was Ndongo’s title to lose, especially with their early conquest of the Rozvi and their bullying of Eswatini. But, with their relative stagnation, the growth of Sierra Leone, the invasion from the north of Rome, and the slight scrappiness of Saba D’mt, Ndongo has obviously lost the advantage they got from their early jump.

Turn 475. The Faroes capture Narbo, but it looks slated to flip back to Tome. Surely it will continued to be shelled into oblivion by the Faroes until they can march a melee unit to its rubbled walls. The Visigoths, who have been surrounded by war for many turns now, feel like they are missing out on the fun. Leovigild decides that now is the time to bring the wrath of the Visigoths down upon Saba D’mt. Makeda must be shaking in his boots.

A Pueblo scout watches on as the Faroe air raid of Carthago is in full swing. Carthago is brought into the red, but it will be difficult for any Faore land units to get past that densely populated Roman navy. Narbo flips back to the Romans as expected.

Emboldened by Leovigild, conflict spreads throughout Africa even further, as King Abu Bakr ibn Umar and the Mogadishawi declare war on the slightly distracted Saba D’mt.

Mogadishu quickly takes advantage of the Sabaean capture of Gingee, and quickly surrounds the island city with an armada. Makeru should have known - if there is anyone who knows how to capture and keep islands, it’s the Mogadishawi. A small land contingent begins a march towards Hamar Wayne - they’ll look to recapture the former lands of their empire.

When it rains, it pours. Puni gets the somber news from leaders of his Antarctic cities that Tarenorerer and the Palawa Empire have declared war on the deteriorating Bora Borans. In just one felled swoop, Palawan destroyers capture Wariwillca. Bora Bora’s decimated military might be able to take out some Palawan troops in their downfall, but these cities are likely to soon fly the white and brown.

Turn 476. One turn passes, and Mogadishu finishes its swift capture of Gingee. Hamar Weyne is brought to the red, as a spirited yet likely ill-fated contingency moves towards Qarnawu. Just one more foothold on Africa could move the needle in this war between Mogadishu and Saba D’mt. Come on Mogadishu, show the cylinder what an island nation can really do!

One of Palawa’s top scientists walks into the office of Ngangkari Tarenorerer. “Great Holy Tarenorerer, I am pleased to report our experiment in our Antarctic holdings has gone off as expected. We have harnessed the vicious and awesome power of the atom. I’m told we will begin production of weapons that boast this fury will be produced as quickly as possible. Sir, we commend your leadership and guidance for leading us into the future of military might under the Palawan Flag.”

“Thank you,” Tarenorerer says, as he pours himself and the scientist a celebratory drink. “Your work and intellect is much appreciated. Let us celebrate.”

“It’s an honor, sir. Oh, a-and by the way, one of my colleagues wanted me to let you know that…uhhh…” The scientist reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a folded piece of scrap paper. “...uhhh…he wanted me to let you know that “he is become death, destroyer of worlds.”

Tarenorerer looks at him puzzled. “O-okay then.”

“Sorry sir, I shouldn’t have mentioned that. He just insisted I tell you.”

“Not a worry. Please, drink. I’ve been saving this bottle for a special occasion. This seems as special an occasion as any.”

Both Tarenorerer and the scientist swirl the deep burgundy wine and sniff it before bringing the glass to their lips. Just before Tarenorerer takes a sip, he says, “It should have been “now I have become death, destroyer of worlds”, right?” says Tarenorerer.

“Ahh! I knew it sounded off! That’s what it is. Thank you sir.”

It’s one thing for Bora Bora to lose its islands. But now that Wahgi has its first foothold in South America, the stability of the continent is in danger. Ichabamba is likely to flip back to Bora Bora, but considering the wall of troops that may be following, this might not last for long. Mexico and New Holland troops share glances on their border upon receiving this news. This isn’t just bad news for Bora Bora, it could prove to be bad news for them as well.

Turn 478. Saba shows their air supremacy over Mogadishu as the 38 population Shangani is brought into the yellow. Mogadishu would be wise to bring what land units they have in their islands over to the mainlands if they want to best defend this strategic stronghold.

Meanwhile, deep in the desert of the Ndongo Empire, military generals and the best scientific minds of Africa collect and watch in awe as Ndongo conducts its first nuclear test. With baited breath and sweaty palms, President Nzinga Mbande is given the honor to press the button to detonate. Even from a distance, the explosion shines brightly, and a deafening boom echoes across the arid expanse southwest of Khami. Slowly but surely, Nzinga and her fellow Ndongans begin to smile and laugh, as claps and cheers begin to percolate throughout the crowd and the nervous energy dissipates. Nzinga goes around to shake the hands of the scientists whose minds built this imposing device, and she is met with grins from all. The last scientist in line, however, avoids eye contact with Nzinga and wears a comparatively somber face. “What’s the matter? We did it! The Ndongo Empire will forever be respected thanks to your efforts.”

The man looks at Nzinga deep in her eyes, his voice filled with dread. “Mrs. President, what I have done here is irreversible. The moment that bomb went off, I ushered in a new way to rain hellfire from the skies. Mrs. President, I am become worlds, destroyer of death. SHIT, uhh…oh fuck…I mean, I am become death, destroyer of worlds.”

Nzinga looks back at him, and after a couple seconds, lets out a loud belly laugh. “Did you all just hear him? He said he am become worlds, destroyer of death! Good gods, what an embarrassing stumble!”

Maybe you saw last slide, but the bully of the cylinder spreads his evil to the Indian subcontinent, as Wahgi declares war on Vijayanagara. While we didn’t need to see this slide to know that Krishnadevaraya is screwed, this slide really does hammer it home. The Wahgi’s open borders with Singapore means that nothing stands between Bol’im’s troops and Vijayanagara. Riflemen try in vain to stall the onslaught of helicopters that storm towards the capital. Elsewhere in the Indian subcontinent, Vijayanagara’s four great musicians all rush back to their chambers to see who will write the next and likely last great masterpiece of their republic. It’s only through tragedy that some of the best art can be made.

Piquillacta falls to the Palawa, and choruses of “oh no” echo throughout the frigid streets of Omo. An armada of submarines, led by two Great Admirals of the Wahgi, look poised to begin sieging the former Tehuelche cities of Koluel Kayke and Cona Niyeu. With high city strengths and a sizable navy off screen, Bora Bora might fair better in defending these cities than it did in defending its Polynesian cities. But maybe that’s just my optimist showing.

More of the same here in Europe between Rome and the Faroe Islands. The disparity between the two empires is best illustrated by their different approaches to their air force. The Faroes have 32 planes in their 5 cities on screen - the Romans lag significantly behind with only 8, 6 of which sit distant from the frontlines in Gyor and Antioch. The slog continues in Carthago and Narbo, without any risk of capture in the near future.

It’s now or never of Moxammadamin - three former Kazan cities sit within reach. Though they are well defended from the skies, Kazan’s army could make a move and challenge Vonya. Now, do I think they would win this war? No, I don’t. Maybe an expansion west into the Latvian cities, specifically the poorly defended Alexandrovsk, might be a better option. But you’re boxed in Kazan - would you rather fade into obscurity as a rump state, or go out on your own terms?

Mogadishawi fans rejoice with pride as Hamar Wayne once again flies the white and green. I hope it doesn’t surprise anyone when I say this will likely flip back to Saba D’mt but this is a morale booster for Mogadishu who has likely been sick of being pushed further and further into the ocean. The siege on Qarnawu might not be going as well for now, but the Mogadishawi navy certainly has the numbers to make Warlord Makeda sweat for a bit.

Vijayanagara is brought to the red by Wahgi’s intimidating forces. With Wahgi’s impending capture, this has the hallmarks of a potential flipfest, as there are plenty of Vijayanagara melee units around to recapture the city. But make no mistake, when the dust settles, Bol’im will have control of yet another capital.

One of the four great musicians has disappeared - looks like they won the race to compose the last Vijayanagaran musical masterpiece.

The optimists of Bora Bora might rest just a little bit easier knowing that the wall of Wahgi backup troops has yet to arrive on the South American coast. Troops still surround Ichibamba, but one could argue that the decrease in nearby Wahgi troops shows that Bol’im has gotten bored with his Bora Boran conquest and may be ready to look elsewhere.

Turn 479. Nevertheless, the sad days for Puni continue, as Palaway takes the last of Bora Boran Antarctica. Palawa has also brought a considerable navy of their own towards Cona Niyeu, and would be wise to bring their navy to the southern tip of South America and capitalize on Bora Bora’s weak position. Now, I sure hope they don’t…but I’m just saying they should strike while the iron is hot.

From a distance, a searing white light engulfs a small, unmapped atoll with the waters of the Ikko-Ikki. A large mushroom cloud grows from the light and begins to spread throughout the sky. Scientists and military officials sit in silence as they watch the carnage they have brought upon the world. For whatever reason, the gravity of Ikko-Ikki’s completion of the Manhattan Project appears to hit these men and women differently. Anxiously, each of those present wait for another to speak and break the silence. But minutes go by, and besides a few scientists who examine gauges in an effort to collect data, not a work is spoken. After what seems like lifetimes, one woman utters under her breath, just loud enough for others to hear, “Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds.”

Truly, the power of the Ikko-Ikki military is forever changed. The poignancy of this phrase is not lost on the scientists in the room…except for on one man, who tries to hold in laughter. Eyes train on the man, who is now barely able to keep it together. Between laughter, he is just able to stammer “Hi Become Death, Destroyer of Worlds, I’m Dad!”He gets a couple of laughs, but in the end, that joke wasn’t really for anyone else - it was for himself.

The Mogadishawi recruit great musician Christopher Tin in their Antarctic city of Hamar Jajab. For those of us Babylonians who are fans of his composition “Baba Yetu” from the Civilization 4 game, I cannot recommend his album “The Drop that Contained the Sea”, with a special recommendation for the piece “Dark Clouds”. The Mogadishawi are lucky to have recruited such a fine musician - hopefully he makes it to the mainland to draw inspiration from more than just ice and penguins.

Turn 480. We come to a close on this week’s episode with possibly the last look at Vijayanagara. No eulogy from me this week, but I think we all know how this story ends.

That’s all from me this week! Thanks for putting up with the silly and admittedly pointless rambling and lore. Until next time on CBRX Season 4, it’s never too late to swap your allegiance to the great brothers and sisters of Mexico and Singapore. I’ve been Jack, make sure you tell people you stay hydrated and tell your friends you love them. Cheers folks!