Episode 37: Follow the Citadel Road

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Hello and welcome back to the CBRX Season 4! I’m NopeCopter aka u/daXfactorz, new Power Ranker, new-ish modder responsible for Ndongo-Matamba, Rozvi, and Maguindanao (sorry about that), and veteran-ish narrator, here to provide a written account of the brutal collapse of your favorite civs. Don’t worry, I’ll be crying right alongside you.

Last episode, Vijayanagara and Mongolia died, Shang un-died, Mexico was faced with a two-front war, Sierra Leone resumed their invasion of Rome, the Wahgi made landfall on South America, and Saba-D’mt gave Mogadishu their capital back (how polite). How will these world-defining wars play out, and what new horrors await? Only one way to find out!

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A map is always a wonderful thing to have in order to really get an idea of the state of the cylinder, and this one by u/Sonicfan0511 does the job excellently. Did you notice just how badly the Finns and Kazan have been Citadelled? Apparently Latvia used their UA to turn at least one Citadel back into a Great General and use it to build another Citadel somewhere else. That’s pretty fucked up, I think.

While it’s not exactly visual OC, I also want to give a massive shoutout to two excellent written works: the finale of u/PlatonofGlaucon4’s “Revolution on the Cylinder” series (one of the greatest pieces of OC this season), and the ever-wonderful u/Orangechrisy’s “Under the Thumb of the Titan”, detailing the life of a Bora-Bora woman living under Wahgi rule. Both of these are incredibly well-written and absolutely worth your time (especially if you’re a fan of Makhnovia or Bora-Bora, respectively), so please, please give them the love they deserve!

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I also want to give another shoutout to the official CBRX stickers, which are now officially open for purchase! These designs, made by the incredible Arilasqueto (aka u/ARedundantSofa), have been carefully upscaled and polished to make them look as excellent as possible, so if you want to show your support for (or remembrance of) some of your favorite civs and give back to the CBR gamerunners at the same time, I’d highly recommend picking some up!

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As always, a massive thank you to everyone supporting the show on Ko-Fi for making all of this possible. If you’re not donating already and you have the money to do so, I’d highly recommend it - I hear you can get more stickers that way.

Coiot: We update the board this week and welcome GBlazeman to our honored list of diginataries!

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For the PR slide, let’s take a look at Mexico - poor, poor Mexico, tumbling a whopping 13 places as they get tag-teamed into oblivion. Will they be able to stem the bleeding, or is Mexico about to go the way of the Pueblo and Tiwanaku? Let’s not waste any more time and go find out!

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We begin with Sierra Leone beating back Rome in Africa, a harsh return to reality for them after their miracle victory over Sierra Leone a couple episodes and their decent-enough defense against the Faroes. Rome does have the advantage of more advanced Infantry units compared to Sierra Leone’s Great War Infantry, but they just don’t have the numbers or positioning right now to hold the line - their forces are scattered and damaged, while Sierra Leone has the Agadez-Minya-Bornu front on lock with plenty of reinforcements incoming. What’s worse, Sierra Leone not only has a higher number of aircraft present but also Anti-Aircraft Guns throughout their army, giving them the decisive advantage in aerial combat. Agadir looks like it could be flipped by those two damaged Roman Infantry, but Rome’s going to struggle to hold the line in the long term.

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A couple more irrelevant wars against the Finns provides this episode’s opportunity to actually look at the Finnish core. Ant let me just say… wow. Nothing’s changed.

Okay, that’s not entirely fair. There’s some good and some bad here. The good: since they last got a clear look, the Finns have upgraded their Musketmen to Riflemen, their Cannons to Field Guns, and their Crossbowmen to Skirmishers, plus they’ve picked up Frigates. That’s some solid progress all around, albeit some 10-15 episodes too late. As for the bad… well, Latvia and the Ume Sami have been absolutely tearing into the Finnish holdings with their Citadels, to the point where the capital of Kirmukarmun has been effectively isolated from the rest of the empire. It hardly matters, since we all know the Ume Sami and Latvia are never actually going to attack the Finns and they’re safe until the Faroes find room to drop Paratroopers on them or something, but this does make life in the sleepy northern kingdom much less enjoyable.

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Goguryeo completes the Helios Microwave Power Satellite, a neat little Wonder that boosts the power of Solar Plants in the empire. More specifically, it doubles the yields of all Solar Plants in the empire (+10 base Production, +30% total Production) and damages enemy units that end their turn next to a Solar Plant. Now, Solar Plants require Desert, which Goguryeo doesn’t actually have a ton of… but conquering Mongolia added a good bit more to their empire. Perhaps this was the motive for eliminating Mongolia all along. Still a bit rough for empires like Sierra Leone or the Yellowknives with their massive stretches of desert to lose out on this Wonder, though.

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Right, so about that whole “Latvia would never invade the Finns” bit… it seems like the pink giant has finally awoken enough to notice, oh yeah, there’s been some free food hanging over their heads this entire time. Who knew that all they needed was a coalition’s worth of peer pressure to finally do the deed? That, or the Ume Sami are finally no longer threatening enough to warrant keeping a buffer state around for. Regardless, this is going to be a slaughterfest. The Finns, even with their decent carpet, are eras behind tech-wise, they’re completely lacking in air support or defenses, and Latvia’s Citadels give them a straight shot into the Finnish capital. Kalliomaki, Rikala, and Rapolan have some defenses (and Rapolan has the Baltic Sea as a bit of additional defense from land units), but Kirmukarmun and Tiurinlinna probably have a couple of turns, max. Of course, that’s not all that important given the odds of the Finns surviving more than ten turns at all are pretty slim, but you never know! Maybe Latvia will let them keep one city as a gesture of goodwill!

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Ojjo and Ichabamba are now solidly Wahgi, kicking Bora-Bora decisively out of the northern Andes. The southern Andes, meanwhile, are more up for grabs. Wahgi’s assault on the coastal city of Atacama has progressed nicely since last episode (probably because they can actually use their Paratroopers now), knocking it into the red and removing all but one of the Tanks that used to guard it. There are plenty of Bora troops on the other side of the Andes, ready to defend their new homeland, but of course it would be best if they could keep the Wahgi from getting a beachhead in the first place. Can they even flip Atacama if it falls with all those mountains in the way, though…?

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Mexico, stubbornly clinging to the cities that represent their capital’s last line of defense, flip Veracruz and Valladolid once more. Wahgi “peacekeepers” continue to frustrate attempts to maneuver Mexican forces to the front lines, doing more to hinder the Mexican defense than help it, but to be fair I don’t think the Mexicans would stand a chance even without the Wahgi interfering. The bulk of their military is Riflemen. Riflemen, with a third of the Combat Strength of the Yellowknives’ Modern Armor and Mechanized Infantry. Their UU, the Volunteer Corps, is a Gatling Gun replacement, by the way, so it’s not helping much either. Mexico is simply far, far too outgunned to hold the line here even with fairly defensible terrain… but then again, it’s a straight shot to Mexico City and beyond if they can’t, so they need to try keeping these two cities or it’s all over.

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Rome continues to hold the line admirably against Sierra Leone, retaking Agadir and threatening Waterloo with the remains of their western Mediterranean fleet. There’s a disable force just south of Agadir ready to contest it, but a small defensive line is beginning to take up position around Mansoura - Rome clearly isn’t ready to just lay down and die. That said, there’s news up north that’s much more grim - while the city has flipped back, Carthago was apparently taken by the Faroes momentarily. That’s a Mediterranean island city. The Faroes are breaching the Alps.

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Tiurinlinna has fallen to Latvia, and has been so completely secured that it’s kind of hard to tell at first glance that it was ever owned by the Finns at all. Aside from that, though, this war has been… shockingly slow to get going. I mean, the only other Finnish city that’s even taken damage is Rikala, knocked into the yellow but still pretty well defended by Finn standards. I suppose Rapolan’s naval defenses have been knocked out, but I think Kirmukarmun actually has *more* units defending it than the last time we saw this front. What’s the holdup, Latvia? Is that classic Finnish defensive spirit manifesting even here?

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Not much has changed in terms of borders on the Mexico-New Holland front since the end of last episode, but on the ground, everything has changed. On turn 507, Mexico has a line of Riflemen three or four units deep ready to defend Loja and Guayaquil. Now, on turn 512, the lines have been decimated, and the survivors have fallen back to Latacunga and Cuenca. Only a few token forces remain on the front lines, seemingly abandoned and left to the New Hollanders. That said, though, the work of the Mexican defensive forces shouldn’t be ignored - particularly in the north around Ibarra and Olinda, the New Holland army seems to have taken some notable damage. The remains of the army are somewhat scattered, so even though they’ll definitely be able to flip Loja and Guayaquil, Mexico might just be able to hold out for a little while longer. Maybe. The tech disparity is still pretty absurd, and it’s not like New Holland is out of units or anything.

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Well well well, it looks like the Selkups aren’t exactly happy about being humiliated by some upstart to the south - after taking a few turns to lick their wounds, they’re back to have another go at the Afsharids. One problem: they still don’t have open borders, so their invasion force consists entirely of Explorers (who can pass through enemy lands without Open Borders). Sure the northern Afsharid lands aren’t exactly the most well-defended cities on the cylinder, but I kind of doubt this will be enough to beat them even with some air support. Kind of seems like a waste of resources for both of these secondary powers if you ask me.

(Fun minigame: try to spot the part of this image that makes me look like a fucking idiot!)

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As Atacama falls to Wahgi Paratroopers, the spirits of the Bora-Bora populace are lifted by the arrival of a world-famous superstar: Faroese Great Musician Frank Zappa, touring the former Amazon in his Party Tank! Everyone loves the Party Tank. In our world, Frank Zappa was a prolific American musician known for experimenting with all sorts of genres and styles, often making use of comedy to get his ideas across. Hopefully he can lift the spirits of the Bora-Bora armed forces enough to keep them fighting for every inch of land in South America - they’ll need the morale. (As an aside, man, New Holland’s core is ridiculously empty! It’s always been pretty empty, of course, but it still catches me off-guard whenever I see it.)

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The Wahgi, in their endless hunger for new World Wonders, have constructed the Orbital Refinery. This is one of the more valuable Wonders of the Future Era, granting not only +2 Production to all Factories and Nanomaterial Plants but also 12 free Nanomaterial resources - given how many Future Worlds units rely on Nanomaterials to be built (such as those spider-tank-looking things around the capital, the Mech Artillery), that’s a pretty solid thing to have.

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It turns out Rapolan might be the next Finnish city to fall, as a fleet of Latvian Destroyers begins bombarding it from the coast. Not what I expected, honestly - Kirmukarmun looks way more vulnerable, but it hasn’t even been scratched. Doesn’t Latvia have planes? Why aren’t they bombing the Finns to smithereens? Regardless, both cities look doomed to fall eventually, as the Finns are rapidly running out of troops and Latvia’s army has barely been scratched. It just feels a bit cruel to drag things out this much.

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Here’s a quick shot of the Thule core, with a… fairly impressive looking core, particularly in terms of naval power. That many Destroyers is going to be tricky to break through. The Thule ground forces, meanwhile, are… not terrible, I suppose? There are some units there, their empire isn’t totally empty. That said, they’re pretty behind on tech, and I don’t think their Great War Infantry would stand up well to the Yellowknives’ Mechanized Infantry. Even if the Yellowknife border does look comically empty in this shot here. Poor Thule, maybe if they were somewhere that had more invasion targets they’d have a chance at a comeback. At least they have Cilla Black, famous British singer and friend of the Beatles, to cheer them up.

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Nundawao might be the funniest city on the cylinder. To recap, the city was gifted to New Holland for peace by the Seneca after they took Chenussio, but then Mexico took Chenussio from New Holland, only to lose it to the Seneca (who were also at war with Mexico) and immediately sue for peace. Now Mexico and New Holland are still at war, and they have a border with Nundawao via the city of Kaoto’, but they don’t actually have any land units to march through that one-tile border and take this random inland New Hollander city. So they seemingly just use their singular aircraft in Kaoto’ to bomb it repeatedly out of frustration. Glorious. Maybe the most impressive piece of bordergore on the map, considering how naturally it came about (as opposed to, say, a Paratrooper drop or a peace deal city nowhere near the front lines). Just an inland city connected to a coastal capture that they promptly lost.

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Veracruz falls back to the Yellowknives, as expected, and it looks pretty well-defended now. That said, the Yellowknives are looking pretty exhausted on the front lines. Not a whole lot of units around. It probably won’t matter, mind you, because Mexico is ALSO quickly running out of units, except they also have ground forces roughly on par with the Finns. It’s not like they can’t build Infantry, either - there’s one right outside Valladolid! Maybe their UA, spawning the “best available” gun unit when they adopt social policies, is spawning the Riflemen in? It’s anyone’s guess, really. Regardless, the Wahgi peacekeepers are at least doing something again, keeping Valladolid somewhat safe from recapture.

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Alright, time for the results of the minigame! If you noticed the Selkup Paratroopers in the last shot we saw of this region, congratulations! You’re more observant than I am. Personally, though, I was blindsided by this development. Coupled with a serious bombing campaign on the northern Afsharid holdings, these Paratroopers (provided they keep coming) might actually be able to flip some Afsharid cities. I kind of doubt they’ll be enough to hold anything in the numbers the Selkups have right now, but that would still hurt. The Afsharids do seem to be trying to bomb the Selkups back, for the record, but the Selkups have Anti-Aircraft Guns to shut that down.

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Rome holds onto Carthago, preventing any further Faroese incursions into the Mediterranean for the time being. Narbo seems gone for good, which is a bit of a shame, especially since it gives the Faroes a port on the Mediterranean to continue their assault from, but on the whole things seem to have dramatically cooled down by now. If it wasn’t for the damaged units I don’t think I could even tell the Romans and Faroes were still at war. Celebrating the defense of Carthago is Kurt Weill, a German-born American composer best known for his work on the Threepenny Opera. Perhaps he came from Bavaria in this timeline?

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The collapse of the Finns finally starts to properly take off with the fall of both Rapolan and Rikala. Rapolan does have a melee unit or two nearby to potentially flip it, but even if it does change hands, the Latvian navy will swiftly take it back. Kirmukarmun and Kalliomaki are also both beginning to take a bit of damage - not a lot just yet, but as the Latvians close in, it’s clear this is the beginning of the end. No more Finnish navy around Kalliomaki, two Landships at the gates of Kirmukarmun, I’m not even sure if a lucky peace deal could save them now. Both cities might just fall in the same turn. Props to that one FInnish Galleon outside Rikala for fighting the good fight, though.

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Frank Zappa’s tour seems to have worked wonders, because Bora-Bora has somehow managed to flip Atacama with one very ballsy Infantry unit! The city is still surrounded by Wahgi Paratroopers, so I’d expect it to flip right back, but there are enough Bora-Bora units nearby to at least make it a contest. (Maybe the citizens of Atacama would rather the city *stop* being contested, though - it’s already at 1 population, living there must be hell.) Bora is slowly running out of units to hold the line with, but then again, the Wahgi aren’t exactly looking great either. Where are all those Helicopters they swarmed the Pacific with? In fact, how have they failed to make it past the Andes at all so far? They have Paratroopers AND open borders with Mexico, surely they could sneak more than one or two units through Pariti.

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Mexico flips Loja and Guayaquil after apparently having lost them to New Holland again off-screen, as evidenced by the populations of both cities absolutely plummeting. New Holland’s forces look… even more split than last time, and seemingly hesitant to fully commit to securing the cities - that or the units keep getting bombed to hell by the Mexican air force. Either way, the bulk of the New Hollander military has high movement, and it’s flat land all the way to the reconquered border cities, so give it a turn or two and they’ll be back in blue - not to discount Mexico for trying, of course.

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Rome is being pushed back to the Mediterranean, and Aquilea is now surrounded. No damage has been taken yet, but the city does definitely look to be on borrowed time by now. Waterloo and Agadir, meanwhile, are completely lost - no Roman units are left to contest them. Mansoura looks safe for now, but there’s a sizable Sierra Leonean force just south of Agadir that looks ready to pounce. At least the Romans have Charles Wesley, Methodist leader and composer of over 6,000 hymns, to lift their spirits.

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The Palawa declare a pointless war on Kazan, providing a perfect opportunity to look at their core. Honestly… could be worse, especially given there were Wahgi units covering most of it not too long ago. Being on par with Noongar in terms of land melee units is awkward, but they do have the advantage everywhere else, plus Anti-Aircraft Guns to compensate for Noongar’s own planes. Not sure why Palawa’s entire air force is off in the Pacific though. The Palawa should probably build more units soon both to fend off a potential Noongar attack and to occupy space that could be retaken by Wahgi peacekeepers at any moment, but hey, maybe they want the peacekeepers, I won’t judge. (Yes I will.)

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The Osage core is… well, it’s something, alright. They’re the latest civ to end up absolutely scrunkled by relentless Citadelling, with Yellowknife-Pueblo and Mexican Citadels completely bisecting their empire (and of course entirely surrounding Chetopah). This has allowed Mexico to attempt a cheeky flanking maneuver through the Citadel Road (or Citadel Bridge, I guess?), but two Landships won’t be able to take anything. To cope with their fate, the Osage have been pumping out Great Musicians, and they’ve even invited some Ikko-Ikki friends to hang out! Too bad their carpet is so miserable that even the peacekeeper strategy wouldn’t slow the Yellowknives down if they invaded.

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Valladolid’s defenses are broken, and the Yellowknives reclaim the city once more. Both it and Veracruz look reasonably safe now, but Mexico has been known to flip cities long past the point of reasonability. Mexico City has at least a few units left defending it, so it might hold out for a bit longer, but with Yellowknife reinforcements coming in from the north I don’t think holding the line indefinitely is possible.

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Goguryeo’s next wonder this episode is the Virtual Idol, which provides a free Great Musician, extra slots for Great Works of Music, and huge bonuses to both the Culture output of the city and the Tourism output of Great Works in the empire. In terms of objective value in a Domination-only game, the Virtual Idol isn’t that valuable. In terms of flavor, however, this is one of the most important wonders in the game, because it means that Goguryeo is now canonically the proud owner of Hatsune Miku. (Or since they’re red, I guess it would be Kasane Teto?)

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Or maybe the Virtual Idol was Kendrick Lamar, instead - at the very least he’s a contemporary. An American rapper often regarded as one of the greatest of all time, he’s surely appreciated by the forces of Goguryeo as they plot their next great conquest. Goguryeo’s forces are looking a bit sparse, and seeing all those UAV drones is giving me uncomfortable flashbacks to Han, but at least this time it’s all the OTHER top powers going broke. They’ll probably be fine… hopefully.

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The last two Finnish cities are now deep in the red and completely surrounded. The Finns, meanwhile, only have a few units left (I count nine military units), and have failed to retake Rapolan (although I think they did flip it). Prime your F keys, folks, because I don’t think there’s a way out of death for the Finns here.

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New Holland strikes back against Mexico with their furthest push yet, taking not only Guayaquil and Loja but even San Luis de Potosi in one fell swoop! They’ve also reclaimed Pariti in the meantime, but given the city is undefended with a Mexican Infantry right outside the gates, it feels like Mexico is likely to flip it back, at least for the time being. As for the other three cities, though… honestly, it feels like Mexico is running out of steam to flip the cities with. They’re either attempting one last charge toward the cities with their remaining units or forming a defensive wall among the mountains, but either way, the outnumbered but drastically stronger New Hollander forces should be able to win the day once again. The Mexicans just don’t have very defensible positions.

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The Romans have completed the Manhattan Project! Given how far on the back foot they are, we might just see Rome be the one to cast the first chunk of Uranium-235 this season - provided they bother to build any nukes, of course. As for their fronts, Rome is honestly looking about the same as the last time we saw them - Sierra Leonean troops slowly closing in on Aquilea but not doing any damage just yet, a very scary army under Agadir that hasn’t moved an inch toward Mansoura, and the Faroes trying their best to rough up Carthago in the north.

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Incredibly, Mexico flips Veracruz back again! They’re seemingly very good at making use of these mobile units to contest cities and delay their invaders without needing to actually commit a major force to the front lines - they pulled the same trick in the south against New Holland not too long ago. Having air support probably helps, too. Unfortunately, the Yellowknives still have the city surrounded and are all but guaranteed to take it back next turn, so it was a bit of a fruitless endeavor, but I suppose in-universe every turn Mexico City isn’t attacked is another half a year its citizens can live in relative peace. There’s a pretty sizable Mexican force of Riflemen in the Yucatan Peninsula to the east, too, so maybe they can chip in or at least hold the line for a bit once the capital falls.

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And the final two cities of the Finns fall at the exact same time, completing the long, long overdue Latvian conquest of their northern neighbors. There is an almost-dead Finnish Rifleman that could flip Kirmukarmun one last time, but I wouldn’t bet on it. I think this is the end.

I’ll leave the proper eulogies for the Power Rankings, if only to save space, but I will give the Finns a little something here, too. That being said, there unfortunately isn’t a whole lot to say. The Finns opened up the game with a ballsy and completely unhelpful forward settle into the Scandinavian Peninsula (which they apparently did all the time in test games), managed to avoid losing the city to the Ume Sami in a war, but still got outsettled and completely encased between the Ume Sami and Latvia before they could become remotely threatening. Then they just sat there for hundreds upon hundreds of turns doing nothing, because there was nothing they COULD do and neither of the two civs that could put them out of their misery cared enough to do so, casually outliving much better and more interesting empires that actually put themselves out there and participated in the game. Finally, the Latvians ran out of other civs they wanted to invade more, and within 6 turns they wiped the Finns out. A pretty depressing run, especially for a game with so few boring civs, and not even the best “stand completely still” performance by a Finnish civ in the CBR. RIP to the Finns, may you have a more interesting game sometime in the future to redeem yourselves.

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Guayaquil apparently flipped and flipped back to New Holland once again, but that wasn’t too surprising - and apparently, the cost of this flip was the bulk of the remaining Mexican army in South America. Cuenca now looks barren, while Guayaquil is still held by quite a few New Hollander Mechanized Infantry. That Mexican Infantry unit managed to retake Pariti, too, but it looks like the bulk of New Holland’s forces are focused on correcting that mistake as the next phase of their invasion. Seems like a bit of an odd direction to prioritize, but I guess it’s worth getting it squared away before pushing further west.

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The Taino are the next civ this episode to complete the Manhattan project, providing a perfect opportunity to look at their core. The Taino are looking like a classic example of a good-enough civ that would still probably get rolled over if a major power invaded, but at the very least Mexico probably doesn’t qualify as a major power anymore. Honestly, I have to wonder if the Taino could score a couple cities off Mexico if they invaded now, especially with their planes - Mexico’s navy is still mostly intact, but New Holland is working to correct that as we speak. If they don’t take anything (which they probably won’t), then depending on how thoroughly Mexico is torn up, the Taino could suddenly be even more out of luck than they were before - maybe the Yellowknives will leave Kanawagas or something for them. Given how empty New Holland’s Caribbean cities are, I’d wager they could honestly flip one or two of those if they really wanted to, but in the long term that’d probably be a horrible idea. Best to keep quiet and pick off the remains of Mexico if the big dogs leave any scraps behind.

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Well, it looks Veracruz is now well and truly lost to the Mexicans, and a renewed Yellowknife push is bearing down on Mexico City. There’s a modest Mexican force guarding the city, but I expect the city to flip within a matter of turns, even if it’ll probably be contested for some time like the rest of the cities on Mexico’s front lines. Speaking of which, Valladolid looks like it’ll get taken by a cheeky Mexican Destroyer, or maybe a Landship, setting the Yellowknife advance back another couple of turns. Say what you will about Mexico, but at least they’re tenacious.

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Rome takes back a bit of advantage against Sierra Leone as they recapture Waterloo and reinforce Aquilea. However, this probably won’t last long, given Sierra Leone has units right outside both cities and is even finally making a move on Mansoura. Worse yet, Sierra Leone seems to finally be building Infantry - Rome’s last real military advantage is going away. They’ve moved their ships in the eastern Mediterranean closer to their core where they’ll be more helpful, but even with that, Rome can only buy so much time before Sierra Leone’s overwhelming numbers advantage becomes too much to handle.

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Meanwhile in eastern Africa, the bitter rivalry of Saba-D’mt and Mogadishu is put aside to pursue a more important goal: kicking the shit out of the Qarmatians. Yes, this once-cool Arabian civ has had it too good for too long with tales of their underdog prowess scaring off any would-be invaders, and it seems the east Africans think that a bit of teamwork might let them finally kick the Qarms back to the sub. They both have some history of awkward wars against the Qarmatians, too, so this will be an interesting grudge match - honestly, the Qarmatian navy around Safwan could definitely lead to this war backfiring against Mogadishu, but Saba-D’mt’s Artillery just might make some magic happen if they can avoid sucking for a few turns. Ndongo comes along for the ride, too, so they can pretend they’re interesting.

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The Yellowknives have flipped Mexico City! The Mexicans retook it before a screenshot could even be taken, but regardless, it’s clear that the Mexicans are really on borrowed time now. The Wahgi peacekeepers have been forced out of the city, making further pushes much easier for the Yellowknives, and Mexico doesn’t exactly have a ton of units guarding the city. The Yellowknives do admittedly only have a couple of units ready to flip the capital back for now, but those northern reinforcements will be on the front lines before you know it. At the very least, Valladolid looks pretty safe for the time being.

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In the south, things aren’t going much better for Mexico - San Luis Potosi and Loja have been reclaimed (though Loja is in an extremely precarious position), but it’s come at the cost of Cuenca and Pariti. There are still a few more Riflemen around Pariti to contest it, but New Holland has committed enough forces that I don’t think they stand a chance even in the short term. The remaining Mexican troops are organizing around Quito, Latacunga, and San Luis Potosi, and they have plenty of air support, so they might actually hold out for a bit longer - hard to say. New Holland’s forces do look scattered and weary, but that hasn’t exactly stopped them so far, either.

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Well, so much for the Qarmatians putting up a fight. In the single turn since the start of the war, the Qarmatian army and navy have already started to thin considerably, and while Safwan might even flip (it’s already in the red), Mogadishu has a sizable fleet sweeping in from the east that should correct that if they manage it. I’m not sure the Qarmatians will even get that far, though - they’re already resorting to embarked cavalry rather than actual ships in the assault. Saba-D’mt has barely made any progress, but they have bombed Hajar into the red with a Destroyer right outside the city gates, so they may not need to go all-out to make gains. My only real concern is whether Mogadishu has any other naval units on standby, since as things look now I could see Mogadishu spending so many resources on destroying the Qarmatian fleet that they can’t make a push for any cities.

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The War for the Sahara swings back in the favor of Sierra Leone as they take Waterloo and Aquilea while simultaneously making progress toward Mansoura. Rome does still have a couple ships to contest the coastal cities, but Sierra Leone has a couple of naval units in the area now, too - it’s not a lot at the moment, but Rome’s one remaining defensive advantage is beginning to come undone. Hack, Athens has been knocked into the red! That’s right outside the Roman capital! There’s a fairly sizable Roman force organizing outside of Mansoura, so they might continue to hold the line there, but that’s still where the bulk of Sierra Leone’s forces are positioned, too.

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Elista and Samarkand have been bombed into the black by the Selkups, but there also aren’t any more Paratroopers to finish the job, so now the Selkups are kind of just bullying the Afsharids for no reason. Pretty petty of them, but whatever - maybe they’ll get around to refilling their Paratrooper stocks in time to take advantage before suing for peace. Also Kazan made peace with the Thule so let’s look at their core. It… sure is a core, alright. A three-city, heavily-Citadelled core, but it’s more than many other civs have. They even have units on par with Mexico’s! That’s pretty good, right?

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Here’s a quick shot of everybody who’s at war… or I suppose it would be more effective to call it a map of everybody who’s NOT at war. The Ume Sami, Pontus, the Dzungars, Shang, Zheng, and the Thule are the only civs not currently involved in some sort of a conflict - so mostly has-been mid-tiers who are theoretically decently strong but just don’t have many places to go. The civs that would benefit most from a well-fought war, in other words. A shame.

49

Atacama looks securely Wahgi now, well-defended by three Paratroopers and a Railgun Armor, but there’s still no progress past the Andes. Bora-Bora does have Paratroopers too now, but it might be too little, too late. That said, their sizable army of Infantry does feel like it’ll be pretty helpful in staving off the Wahgi advance if they can organize it well and keep it replenished - maybe not indefinitely, but it should be enough to hold the line for a little while. Just north of Atacama, though, is Tiwanaku - a Mexican stronghold now cut off from the rest of the remaining empire, it still has a few planes and melee units holding down the fort and some pretty decent defensive terrain on top of that. It looks pretty good by Mexican standards, honestly, but New Holland has taken this city before and they can do it again.

50

Oh shit, the Afsharids join the war on the Qarmatians, making an already-boned civ even more boned! Admittedly, the Afsharids are just a bit distracted by the Selkup bombing campaigns in the north, and their carpet is a bit thin, but at the very least they should make it out of this war with Shiraz. Their fleet just outside the Persian Gulf might be able to make something happen too, but it’s mostly Battleships, so I’m not sure they can actually capture anything. That said, the Qarmartian army is rapidly thinning, so maybe they could sneak a melee unit into Al-Ahsa?

Oh yeah, and Singapore’s declared war on the Qarmatians, too. Honestly they might make it out of the war with something given their proximity and skill at pulling naval shenanigans, especially if Mogadishu does all the hard work softening up the Qarmatian coast first. You can never put anything past Singapore.

51

Mexico City has fallen to the Yellowknives again, and this time it looks pretty secure. Not a ton of Mexican units anywhere nearby and at least five Yellowknife melee units within two tiles. Guadalajara has also been bombed into the red, even if it’s not exactly in danger of capture just yet. Valladolid also looks reasonably safe behind a wall of Wahgi peacekeepers. On the other hand, Monterrey doesn’t have nearly as many Mexican units guarding it as it once did… once Mexico City is 100% secured, it might not take that long for the Yellowknives to keep making gains after all.

52

Zheng is the next civ to grab the Manhattan Project this episode, providing an excellent excuse to peek at their core. The first thing I notice is all that military corruption, just look at all those Great Generals sitting around and doing nothing! I guess that’s what happens when you don’t fight any wars for so many years. Beyond that, the Zheng army looks semi-decent given a third of it is occupied by Wahgi peacekeepers, and the Zheng navy is actually looking pretty damn good. At the very least, the ships are made out of metal now. Maybe it’s time to take another crack at the Ikko-Ikki?

53

One lone heroic Landship liberates Mexico City from the Yellowknife invaders, perhaps for the last time! While this won’t amount to much in the long run beyond just killing more civilians, this Landship’s heroism will surely be remembered by the Mexican people for generations. Provided they survive that long, that is. Actually, though, the Yellowknives don’t have a ton of units around the front lines right now, so at the very least Mexico might get a bit of a reprieve for the next few turns. Valladolid and Guadalajara look pretty safe, too. This time to breathe won’t save Mexico or anything, but it’s still nice to have. (Also, Mexico still has a Trireme! How cute. We love the Mexican Trireme here.)

54

Ohhhh shit, now the Qarmatians are well and truly boned - Pontus, seeing everyone else ganging up on their southern neighbor, decides to wake up and get in on the fun as well. And given their large, open border with the Qarmatians and the quickly-collapsing Qarmatian defenses, the odds are good that Pontus makes it out with at least a couple of cities here. Honestly, I’d be amazed if the Qarmatians survive this coalition war at all. If they do, though, the Afsharids will probably play some part in it - the progress against Shiraz has been embarrassingly slow.

55

In the south, things might be going even worse for the Qarmatians - not only have their failed to take Safwan, but Mogadishu has captured Jahar (keeping the Saba-D’mt Red Sea fleet locked away), and Singapore has taken Sutkagan-dor! Qatif is taking heavy damage, too, and the Qarmatians are rapidly running out of melee units to take their cities back. Sutkagan-dor does look like it’ll flip back, though, being on black health with a Qarmatian Rifleman parked right outside. Maybe it’ll be Mogadishu taking advantage of Singapore doing all the hard work after all? Or maybe the Afsharids can swoop in for a cheeky snipe? Anything can happen in a coalition war.

56

Here we get a shot of the former Bora-Bora core, now entirely under the control of the Wahgi and filled to the brim with random land units, Carriers, and Nuclear Submarines. Of particular note are all the Paratroopers, which are not having a good time, and the Mech Artillery. Mech Artillery is the final siege unit in the game, packing 60 Combat Strength and a carrying capacity of two missiles - a terrifying tool for capturing cities. Cities like the ones in South America that they really should be besieging instead of floating out in the middle of nowhere eating up Gold.

57

On the other end of the carpeted spectrum we have New Holland’s core, which is comically devoid of units. I guess that means they’re at least putting all their units to good use, but it’s not like the front lines were all that stacked last we saw them, either. If it wasn’t for that squadron of Mechanized Infantry to the west (and they weren’t currently getting torn to bits), I’d even say Bora-Bora could take a sizable chunk out of them right now! At the very least, though, New Holland has secured Tiwanaku. Looks like it couldn’t hold out on its own after all.

58

Scratch that, Mexico managed one last flip of the city (probably with that Great War Infantry on the edge of that last screenshot) before losing it and San Luis Potosi to New Holland seemingly for good. The Mexicans have been well and truly pushed to the coast now, and Quito is in the process of being surrounded. Once those New Hollander forces around Tiwanaku join back up with the main forces, that’ll probably be it for Mexican South America.

59

Pontus is going on an absolute tear through Arabia, not only taking Eupatoria but also spreading Resistance to almost every remaining Qarmatian city. Their most brutal act, however, may have been done to the Afsharids - they’ve sniped Shiraz from right under their eastern rival’s nose! I’m not sure how the Afsharids managed to fumble this one, but man, that’s gotta sting, especially after they were finally shaking their reputation of sucking ass at war. Oh well, when this sort of thing happens, you’ve just gotta pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and declare war on Pontus to take it back. Eventually, at least. Can’t ignore the Selkups.

As for other goings-on in the Middle East, it looks like Ain al-Kuayba has been bombed into the red, Dioscurias and Al-Ahsa are also taking chip damage, Qatif is on the verge of collapse, and the Qarmatians have retaken Sutkagan-dor wait hold on that’s not the Qarmatians color what

60

Yes, it’s true: Mogadishu, having taken Sutkagan-dor from the Qarmatians after they evidently flipped it back, has decided to use the opportunity to bring back a fan favorite. Harappa has returned! Technically, this makes them the last South Asian civ standing, which is… kind of weird to think about, honestly. I don’t think the deaths of the Khoshuts and Vijayanagara have fully sunk in for me yet. Anyways, aside from this beautiful moment, we also can see Mogadishu’s fairly-stacked navy surrounding Qatif. I think it’s safe to say that Mogadishu is coming out of this war with the southern Arabian coast, at the very least.

61

Unfortunately for everyone, the return of Harappa is not well-received by Singapore, who decides that they must die (again). Rozvi joins in too, eager to help beat up the only civ in the game weaker than themselves. Given Harappa doesn’t have a single unit, and Singapore is sporting a fairly state-of-the-art military across the board with plenty of troops right outside the city’s borders… yeah, I’d give it about 50/50 odds either way.

62

Guadalajara falls to the Yellowknives, making use of just a few weakened units to isolate Valladolid. By this point Mexico City looks completely lost, but honestly that Mexican Destroyer might be able to flip Guadalajara and possibly even hold it for a few turns if the Yellowknives can’t heal or reinforce their troops in the area. Valladolid, now encircled and with multiple Yellowknife units at the gates, is probably about to fall for what may be the last time, though. In fact, Mexico’s ability to flip cities at all might be reaching its end. There are plenty of Yellowknife units at the top of the image ready to reinforce the gains and gear up for another push, while the Mexican troops are stifled by an increasingly-dense carpet of Wahgi peacekeepers. (In brighter news for Mexico, though, the Mexican Trireme has a friend now! Hooray!)

63

Even Kanawagas isn’t safe from the Yellowknives’ advance, as Mechanized Infantry and Modern Armor begin to surround and bombard the city. Funnily enough, it doesn’t even look like they used the Citadel Road to reach it - they just scored open borders with the Osage and drove through that way. Figures that the Osage would want to stay on the good side of their most terrifying neighbor, though the fall of Kanawagas would mean that their super secret backup plan of hiding in Chetopah wouldn’t actually save them from a Yellowknife invasion. Considering how miserable it would be to end up confined to a single tile, though, maybe that’s a good thing.

64

The Qarmartians continue to struggle to stay alive as they’re invaded from four directions at once. Well, three directions, now - Saba-D’mt decides that this war is just too difficult and elects to make peace even as the Qarmatians are collapsing. Never change, Saba-D’mt. The Qarmatians are very quickly running out of units, but they have managed to retake both Hajar from Mogadishu and their capital of Al-Ahsa from the Afsharids (who apparently took the city off-screen). They even look ready to retake Qatif next turn. Unfortunately, all this really doesn’t matter, as Hajar is totally undefended with a Mogadishwi Destroyer right outside, and there are plenty of Pontic and Afsharid units ready to race for Al-Ahsa all over again.

Meanwhile to the east, Harappa has been eliminated once more by Singapore. Poor, poor Harappa, didn’t even get a chance to do anything with their second life. Goguryeo is so terrified by this show of heartless brutality that they immediately sue for peace with Singapore, and honestly I don’t blame them. Harappa 2 deserved so much better. One turn on the cylinder, number one in our hearts. F.

65

Aquilea falls back to Sierra Leone, and somehow I doubt it’ll flip back any time soon. Rome’s closest naval melee unit is out near Nicomedia, and any land units would have to contend with the massive Sierra Leonean force around the city currently marching on Mansoura and Rashid. Mansoura isn’t damaged just yet, and there are a few Roman infantry nearby, so the city is at least somewhat prepared. Carthago and Athens aren’t quite so lucky - they’re reasonably well-defended, sure, but they’re also taking heavy damage from bombings, and Sierra Leone has a small fleet around Waterloo ready to go in for the kill.

66

A Bora-Bora Tank squadron proves nothing is impossible when you’re a fan favorite by rolling into Atacama and retaking the city! While it probably isn’t a step one on a grant reconquest of the Polynesian territories, the city does look relatively safe for the moment, save for a weakened Wahgi Railgun Armor. There are no Wahgi units nearby that could capture Atacama, only a disgruntled Supercarrier, and a Zheng fleet looks to be in position to try and defend the city from further incursions. Has Bora-Bora fended off the Wahgi for good? Probably not, but they are fighting the Wahgi, so who knows. Meanwhile in the north, Mexico is evidently handling their invader just a bit worse, as Quito is surrounded and in the yellow.

67

Even Mexico’s Caribbean holdings are under threat now, as their navy has been demolished and Oaxaca is surrounded. New Holland forgot to send an actual melee ship to assist their naval siege, figuring a Modern Armor would be good enough, but it’s not like Mexico has much to fight back with. Elsewhere in Mexico, Kanawagas is taking heavy damage, Yellowknife units are engaging a last-ditch Mexican defensive force on their way to Monterrey, and a Wahgi cocoon is slowly enveloping Mexican Central America. I think this image really paints an excellent picture of just how screwed Mexico is, and all the ways in which they are currently getting owned.

68

Speaking of screwed, the Qarmatians have absolutely folded since we last saw them, Pontus, after dozens of episodes of humiliation, has finally retaken Dioscuras! Not only that, but they’ve also seized the Qarmatian capital of Al-Ahsa, ensuring that the Afsharids won’t be coming out of this war with anything. Meanwhile, Mogadishu has locked down both Hajar and Qatif, and Sutkagan-dor is safely Singaporean, meaning the Qarmatians are already down to just one city. It’s not even a remotely safe city, either - Ain al-Kuayba is already in the red, and Pontus has units closing in from all directions. Prime your F keys, because I don’t think the Qarmatians are escaping both Pontus and Mogadishu at this point.

69

Rome apparently managed to flip Aquilea back once more for a brief moment, but it’s already back in Sierra Leonean hand and doesn’t look to flip again any time soon. What’s more, Rome doesn’t have a single naval unit left in the western Mediterranean, giving Sierra Leone free rein to move units through the Strait of Gibraltar and reinforce their ongoing attack on Athens. Roman Submarines are defending their island holdings for now, and they do seem to be doing a good job of it, but they of course can’t flip anything back if a city does fall. For example, they can’t do anything about Carthago, which has been once again taken by the Faroes and doesn’t seem to have any Roman units nearby ready to change that.

70

Now that they’ve successfully made a fool of not one but three major powers (though Mexico is more of a former major power), the Seneca decide that there’s only one thing left to do to cement their legacy: practice historical accuracy in the funniest way possible. Yes, the Seneca have become the second civ this season to adopt the Freedom ideology, putting them against the entire world (aside from the now-dead Mongolia, of course) in exchange for giving the viewers a bit of a giggle. To be fair, they don’t have the WORST track record for defending themselves, and all their neighbors are currently distracted, but something tells me this won’t work out too well for them.

71

Kanawagas has fallen into the red, and although there are plenty of Mexican units nearby it probably won’t go well for them in the long run. The Yellowknives are making good use of the Citadel Road to funnel in new troops, and Mexico is employing a Trireme on the front lines. I will also mention once again that the Taino could really benefit from declaring war on Mexico right now, given that nobody else is contesting Kaoto’ and the Caribbean was pretty wide open for invasion when we last saw it, but that would require the Taino to do something. (Actually, maybe they could even invade the Osage at this point? They have the tech advantage, and half of the Osage military is trapped behind the Yellowknives.)

72

New Holland finally (technically) reaches the Pacific with the capture of Quito, splitting the remains of Mexican South America in half. Mexic does have a few naval units left, but even if they had a bunch of melee ships (they don’t), Quito is inland and would therefore require one of those embarked Riflemen or Landships to flip. I’d say it’s lost for good. As for the remaining Mexican cities, Latacunga still has a few units defending it, but it’s also evidently New Holland’s next target, and the defenders look positively screwed here. Riobamba, meanwhile, has no defenders, but also no invaders at the gates, so it might actually survive longer. New Holland could probably get this done even faster if they didn’t put their entire air force on Carriers in the Caribbean for some reason, but this strategy seems to be working for them so who am I to judge. It is pretty jarring to get the Yellowknives and New Holland in the same screenshot, though.

73

Pontus wins the race to Ain al-Kuayba (as expected), finally delivering the killing blow to the Qarmatians and securing them the lion’s share of the spoils of the coalition war. I can’t help but feel a little bad for the Afsharids, but oh well, they have plenty of other expansion opportunities. Congrats to Mogadishu and Singapore for getting something, too - Mogadishu continues to look more and more like Yemen every episode, and of course it’s fun to see Singapore slowly take over the entire Indian Ocean.

Again, I’ll let the PRs handle the proper Qarmatians eulogy, but man, the Qarmatians sure were a civ, huh. Initially expected to be an exciting and aggressive Arabian power, the Qarmatians initially did nothing but sit around and get outsettled like all the other Arabian civs.And then they woke up and chose violence, scoring massive upsets against not one but BOTH of their highly-ranked northern neighbors! It was crazy! The Qarmback was one of the highlights of the early game for a reason - it really provided some hope that these goobers just might manage to pull off some sort of a miracle run after all. Unfortunately… that was kind of it. Still trapped in their little desert peninsula, the Qarmatians did try to break out a couple times into the Indian Ocean, but it never really went well. They managed to fend off a couple of invasions, as well, but they really just ended up a very spiky minor power without anywhere to go, too well-armed to get picked off but too weak to actually go anywhere. It took all of their neighbors invading at once to break through their plot armor, and once that happened they folded like a house of cards, but at least it was way more entertaining than another 10 episodes of them just sitting around reminiscing on better days. Sorry about that, Qarmatians, but at least you probably cleared the very low bar of “second most entertaining Arabian Peninsula civ”. F.

74

The Selkups complete the Manhattan Project, which leaves me with one big question: how the hell did they take this long? I also have to question their carpet, given their central lands especially are pretty sparse. It’s better than building too many units and going broke like the Faores or the Wahgi, I suppose, but you never know when Goguryeo might invade. Not a ton of Paratroopers, either, which is an odd choice given they’re at war with the Afsharids right now. At least the south and east have a fair buildup of units. Not too much else to comment on here, their units look pretty standard relative to the rest of the cylinder, and they have plenty of planes, so they’ll probably be fine whatever comes their way. Maybe they should pick somebody else to invade, though.

75

Atacama has now been entirely cleared of Wahgi units, and even better, an entire Zheng armada has heeded the call for aid and surrounded the coast of the city to ensure the Wahgi can’t make any further gains! It’s a bold strategy, and it won’t help against the Paratroopers, but it might actually help keep the Wahgi navy out of Bora-Bora’s hair. and who knows? That might be enough. New Holland seems to be pulling the same trick around Pampa Koani, defending the city from what I assume was a Wahgi naval assault. It looks like Bora-Bora isn’t just popular in the sub. Sadly, it isn’t all good news for Bora-Bora, as Pokotia and Fa’anui have been taking heavy damage from Wahgi bombings, but that’s more of an annoyance than a death sentence as long as land units are kept out.

76

Rome still hasn’t retaken Carthago from the Faroes, and while their Submarines are harassing Aquilea, it’s probably not changing hands either. Meanwhile, Sierra Leonean ships close in on the Italian Peninsula, and Alexandria and Rashid are guarded by as many Kalmyk Knights as actual Roman units. Still, it’s not all bad - the Roman Balkans have yet to see war, and those in Messalia can get a bit of relief from the music of Iggy Pop. An American singer known for his on-stage antics in real life, he’s surely not going unappreciated here in the war-weary Roman lands.

77

Mexico manages one last flip of Guadalajara through the power of one very stubborn unit, and apparently they’ve flipped Kanawagas as well. I’ll spare you the whole “this flip won’t last” spiel this time and instead note just how stubborn Mexico has been this entire time. You really can’t be in a much worse situation as an up-and-coming power than a two-front war with your biggest and scariest neighbors, and of course Mexico has been absolutely demolished, but they’ve flipped every last city they’ve lost this episode multiple times. It really goes to show that they could have gone a whole lot further if the circumstances were just a little different. And hey, their Caribbean cities haven’t taken much damage yet (New Holland’s “siege” of Oaxaca has failed miserably), and the Wahgi cocoon grows ever thicker - they’ll probably at least make it out of this alive.

78

As the Faroes make their way into the Mediterranean, it seems like a great time to highlight one of their weapons of choice: the Battlesuit. As the penultimate “mobile” unit and upgraded form of the Modern Armor, the Battlesuit does lose out on the ability to move after attacking and sports only 3 movement compared to the Modern Armor’s 5, but it makes up for this by not requiring Aluminum and packing a staggering 120 Combat Strength. Essentially, it’s a stronger Mechanized Infantry. Eventually, the Battlesuit can upgrade into the legendary Giant Death Robot, but for now it’ll be plenty enough to give the Romans a tough time even while embarked.

79

While we’re looking at Future Worlds units, let’s also take a peek at Goguryeo’s favorite: the Advanced Destroyer. The Advanced Destroyer is, as you might expect, the upgraded form of the standard Destroyer, with 20 more Combat Strength (75 total), an extra movement (7 total), improved interception power, and the ability to carry a single missile as cargo. It’s pretty tough, and serves as a very nice advantage over the other navies of the Pacific for the time being. (By the way - it is worth noting that the current Advanced Destroyer used to be called the Missile Destroyer in previous seasons. The unit that *used* to be called the Advanced Destroyer, the final naval melee unit, is now known as the Drone Ship. Just something to keep in mind if you’re looking at the old CBRX unit chart.)

Also of note in this shot is a war declaration against the Ikko-Ikki by… New Holland. Completely irrelevant, at least until New Holland finishes kicking Mexico out of South America and builds up a Pacific fleet, but perhaps they’re not the only ones plotting against the Japanese civ right now…

80

There we go, that’s more like it! The Thule have awoken once more, and they’re eager to take down the only target really left for them: the Ikko-Ikki. With their giant fleet of Destroyers, the Thule have wasted no time taking Miyukizuka, and there’s a pretty massive group of naval units heading south to keep the fight going. The Ikko-Ikki do have quite a few Destroyers of their own, and they are contesting the invasion as best they can, but they are pretty severely outnumbered. Lucky for them, though, they do have geography on their side - Yamashina’s naval borders make an invasion from the east practically impossible, and it might distract enough of the Thule navy that the Ikko-Ikki can at least make an attempt at holding off X4’s Ice Sheet Fleet. Really, though, the Thule have a pretty massive advantage in this war. While I doubt the Ikko-Ikki will be outright eliminated here, I can definitely see the Thule coming out of this war with some sizable gains.

81

New Holland has locked down Quito for good, and they’ve decided to split their forces and attack Latacunga and Riobamba at the same time after all. I’m not sure if four units will be enough to take Riobamba, but Latacunga is already starting to be surrounded (though it hasn’t taken any damage yet). The assault on Oaxaca has picked back up as well, and with the city in the black it doesn’t look like Mexico will be able to hold the line this time. New Holland’s invasion is entering its final stage, and at this point it’s simply a race between then and the Yellowknives to see who can take more of the central spoils.

82

Down in the New Holland Antarctic holdings, where Rio Grande once made their final stand, all is calm. Here we can see that New Holland also has Advanced Destroyers, though unlike Goguryeo they don’t really seem to be in much of a rush to build more. Instead they merely serve to patrol and protect New Holland’s most isolated colonies, and maybe shoot an uppity penguin or two from time to time.

83

Here’s a quick shot of Ndongo’s core, and it’s… unimpressive, to be honest. Not terrible, but the carpet is fairly thin and there’s a pretty nasty shortage of Infantry.and aircraft. A competitor to Sierra Leone they are not. Honestly I’m not even sure they could beat Mogadishu at this point. Regardless, they do at least have German experimental music group Einsturzende Neubauten to keep them entertained while they wait to die and/or pull some legendary stunt during Total War. I really wish I had more to say about Ndongo, especially given I made them… I guess I can congratulate them on doing better than they did in Mk. 2 or X1? At the rate they’re improving, they’ll have CBRX 15 in the bag!

84

Athens has finally fallen to Sierra Leone after several turns of concentrated siege, and while the Romans have multiple units on standby to retake it, this is still a very bad sign. Despite this, Rome hardly seems concerned about defense - they’ve managed to procure a couple more Destroyers, and they’ve immediately set out to use them to recapture Aquilea and Waterloo. Will it work? Probably not, but props for trying, I guess. Maybe that Great Admiral can help make something happen. It’s also worth noting that Alexandria has now been bombed into the black, so as soon as one of Sierra Leone’s ships makes it over to the front lines, it’s done for.

85

Quick, what do the Afsharids and Singapore have in common? Well, aside from a border, they also share a serious peacekeeper problem. The Wahgi have been pumping out such an absurd number of units that they’ve become the effective owners of all of South Asia, and it doesn’t exact give me much hope for anything changing here any time soon. At least the Afsharids and Singapore can both kind of rest easy knowing that, even if the other wanted to invade, they’d never be able to make any progress. I feel like they might have bigger problems to worry about than each other, though.

86

Unfortunately, Zheng’s naval barricade gambit has failed, and their peacekeepers are politely asked to leave by the Wahgi as they once again retake Atacama. The Bora-Bora Tank squadron seems to have been defeated as well, and Pokotia and Fa’anui suddenly look to be in significantly more danger now that a fresh batch of Wahgi Paratroopers has arrived. They haven’t crossed the Andes just yet (aside from one brave trailblazer just south of Fa’anui), but it’s only a matter of time before they start finishing what the Wahgi planes have started.

87

After a long and intense struggle, the Yellowknives seem to finally be in the process of locking down Kanawagas. Mexico still has a Destroyer and an Artillery within city limits, and admittedly the Yellowknives only have two heavily-damaged units in the area, but I’d bet on the Yellowknives scraping out a victory here even if they don’t send reinforcements. Meanwhile in the south, Monterrey has been bombed into the yellow, but it doesn’t look like the Yellowknives have been able to actually get their ground forces close yet. The Wahgi cocoon is simply too powerful.

88

Just east of Japan, the Thule and Ikko-Ikki fleets engage in what will surely be the decisive naval engagement of this war. The Thule have actually left the bulk of their navy up north for the time being, so at first glance the two seem evenly-matched, but the Thule Destroyers have a decisive advantage in their positioning, enveloping the main portion Ikko-Ikki armada and scattering the rest. They could absolutely still screw this up, but I’d bet on the Ikko-Ikki forces being all but gone by the time we next see this front. They don’t exactly have many reserves, either, so if the Thule can preserve enough ships to keep going after this battle, Daisho-ji and Shoman-ji look to be in a whole lot of trouble.

89

Well, it took ages, but it seems like Mansoura has finally fallen to Sierra Leone. It looks pretty safe, too, with plenty of Sierra Leonean troops (which really should have taken the city way earlier instead of just sitting around) ready to reinforce it and move on to Rashid. The last of the Roman African holdings are still fairly well-defended both by land and by sea, though, so I expect them to take some time if Sierra Leone keeps working at their current pace. In the west, however, things look a fair bit more dismal - Rome’s attempt to retake Waterloo and Aquilea has decisively failed, and while they have retaken Athens, it probably won’t last. Rome itself is on the verge of being on the front lines, and that’s not even accounting for the Faroese Battlesuits around Carthago that could totally move south whenever they desire.

90

As expected, the Thule have achieved a decisive victory over the Ikko-Ikki in the north Pacific, scattering and routing the Ikko-Ikki navy with minimal losses. This is surely the work of the Thule Great Admiral Jean Bart, who was in our world a Flemish naval commander fighting on behalf of the French in the Nine Years’ War. There’s still a bit more cleanup work to do here before the Thule can get on with the conquest, but I don’t exactly see any Ikko-Ikki ships in reserve that could stop them once that’s done.

91

Mexico spits in the face of my lack of faith and re-secures Kanawagas by the skin of their teeth, but that’s about the only good news in this screenshot. Monterrey has been bombed into the red, and Oaxaca has fallen to New Holland, with both Merida and La Pueblo taking heavy damage as the New Hollander fleet makes them their next targets. Only about a dozen or so Mexican units remain to hold the line, but at the very least the Wahgi seem to have completely enveloped Monterrey and San Antonio by land. The Yellowknives, seeing the Wahgi cocoon reach its final form, seem to have just… given up on getting the kill. Whether New Holland can be kept out via the same method, though, remains a mystery.

92

The Wahgi have breached the Andes. I repeat: the Wahgi have breached the Andes. Paratroopers have begun to land all around Fa’anui, and even Pampa Koani is starting to see Wahgi units slip through the New Hollander defensive armada. Pokotia and Maguinchao look a bit safer, but even they have been bombed to 0 HP, so it’s clear their citizens are living on borrowed time. Given how quickly Bora-Bora’s army is thinning, too, it might be time to finally accept that Bora-Bora isn’t making it out of this war as even a minor power…

93

While the southern front of the Thule-Ikko-Ikki War has been seeing the most attention this episode, there’s plenty of work being done by the Thule up north, too. Negoro-ji has already been taken into the yellow by a pair of Thule Destroyers, and while they might not be able to get the job done alone, there are plenty of other ships nearby ready to help out. Heck, even Yamashina is taking damage, although so far only one Thule ship has been ballsy enough to attempt an actual approach.

94

The southern fleet is actually doing even better than the northern fleet at demolishing the Ikko-Ikki, despite being further away from the Thule core! Shoman-ji is already in the yellow and taking heavy bombardment from multiple directions, while Daisho-ji is completely surrounded by Thule Destroyers with only a Bazooka as defense. It’s a brutal sight, and there are plenty of Thule ships ready to provide backup - the Thule are slowly, but very thoroughly, dismantling the Ikko-Ikki, and I doubt it’ll be long before Ishiyama Hongan-ji itself is under fire.

95

Two civs complete the Manhattan Project on turn 538, the first of which being Pontus. Honestly, for all their laziness and incompetence over the course of this season, they’ve actually done a pretty great job integrating their new conquests into their empire - it probably helps that two of the cities they conquered were cities they original founded. The war against the Qarmatians really didn’t put much of a dent into the Pontic armed forces, which is nice considering the warmonger penalties that they’ll have to deal with, and their units aren’t TOO outclassed by what the Afsharids are packing (though Artillery vs. Rocket Artillery is a bit rough). They could probably use a few more melee units, though. And maybe a slightly more up-to-date navy, too - something tells me an invasion of Rome would go pretty well right now.

96

The other civ to complete the Manhattan Project this turn is Singapore, and yeah, they’re full of Wahgi peacekeepers, but I don’t think they look quite as bad as the Afsharids. Sure there’s a lot of Wahgi units here, but at the very least Singapore has enough of their own units (particularly naval) to look like they can still function. Of course, on the other hand, they have to contend with a whole lot of Wahgi outposts all around their borders. That’s sort of the downside of never picking up any kills, I suppose - sure, you’re not getting any warmonger penalties, but you’re also leaving a bunch of rump states for some opportunistic superpower to gobble up. At the very least Singapore has shown that they’re not entirely trapped yet, and honestly they could still probably go for Mogadishu or the Noongar, but they’re the England of Southeast Asia, and they did just kill Harappa… they’d better start building those nukes fast.

97

Rome somehow, against all odds, retakes not only Mansoura, but Aquilea, as well. Maybe a bit of a waste of good units that could be spent defending their remaining holdings, but we all know we’re at the phase of the game where nobody’s going to make a premature peace, so Rome might as well put on a good show before they’re completely torn up. Besides, Rashid still looks decently well-defended, although the giant Sierra Leonean army has finally started to actually move and looks more than prepared to retake Rome’s cheeky flips. Also, they’ve captured Athens again and knocked Alexandria into the black. The fight for the islands off the coast of Italy doesn’t look like it’s quite over yet, but this is definitely the beginning of the end with so many of Rome’s Submarines gone.

98

Well folks, it’s been fun, but I think this is the moment that’s completely cemented Bora-Bora’s fate. The Wahgi have crossed the Andes, the last real line Bora-Bora could hope to hold, and taken Fa’anui. I wouldn’t be surprised if it flipped some more, but at this rate it’s clear which flag the city will be flying when the dust settles. With no less than four other Bora-Bora cities also in the black, and fewer Bora units than ever visible here, it feels like the floodgates may have just burst open… I wish them good luck, because they’ll certainly need it.

99

Ohhhhhh shit, in case you were worried the action was going to die down with Mexico, Bora-Bora, and Rome so close to being finished off, here’s another big one to keep the action going. Goguryeo, perhaps coming to the aid of the Ikko-Ikki, declares war on the Thule! This is an interesting war, because the terrain is actually pretty difficult - Goguryeo’s biggest advantage is their gigantic fleet of Advanced Destroyers, but maneuvering it out to engage the Thule is going to be tricky with Yamashina still (barely) in Ikko-Ikki hands. The likes of Ytyk’ and Honsho-ji should be easy pickings, but it’s hard to say whether Goguryeo will make it to North America or get stuck and call it quits beforehand. According to precedent, they shouldn’t stop until the Thule are completely gone, but they might not be enough of a fan favorite to warrant completely annihilating. Not enough people would cry at that development.

100

And as one great North American war begins, another finally ends. Mexico finally secures peace with both the Yellowknives and New Holland, and it’s… well, it’s not pretty. Mexico manages to keep Monterrey and San Antonio, perhaps because nobody wanted to have to go through the trouble of getting the Wahgi out, but from the looks of it that’s about all they’re keeping. Kanawagas has ended up in the hands of the Yellowknives, while the entirety of the Mexican Caribbean now belongs to New Holland. At the very least the units formerly defending La Puebla have been allowed to stay, so that’s something. Still, Mexico has been reduced to a tiny buffer state within a Wahgi cocoon, and that truly is a tragic fate for such a fun and unique civ.

101

The loss of Kanawagas to the Yellowknives is pretty rough (mostly for the Osage and Taino), but even rougher is Kaoto’ being handed over, because that was the one city in North America that the Yellowknives couldn’t actually reach. The next time Mexico is invaded by either of the two American superpowers, they’ll have nowhere to hide. As for Kaoto’’s utility for the Yellowknives… I guess it could be used for an invasion of the Seneca if they build up enough troops? More likely it’ll just be food for some other invader in an ill-conceived war, or the Yellowknives will conquer the Osage and it’ll be connected to the rest of the Yellowknife core.

102

And finally, in the south, we can see that nothing of Mexican South America remains - unless you count Otavalo off the coast, of course. It’s the only Mexican city with many actual Mexican units left defending it, which if nothing else will be nice if and when the Wahgi peacekeepers leave. And hey! Latacunga is the only Pacific New Hollander city that actually has a coastline, so maybe they won’t be able to build up enough of a navy to take Otavalo when they come back for round 2! Just ignore all the wooden ships Mexico’s fielding.

103

Now that we’re done with the Mexican autopsy report, let’s take a look at the now-united Citadel Road. It’s kind of surreal to see that Kanawagas isn’t actually some isolated exclave completely cut off from the Yellowknife core, but the empires of North America have really done a number on the Osage over the years. It’s a rare and kind of beautiful form of bordergore to have this much Citadel spam, and the fact that it actually serves a practical purpose makes it even better, in my opinion.

104

Oh. Ohhhhhh. Oh shit. Okay, so it looks like the Wahgi aren’t exactly happy with Mexico’s survival. Or maybe they’ve just outlived their usefulness. Or perhaps they were just waiting for the Yellowknives and New Holland to back off, staking their claim early while pretending to be an ally. Whatever the case, the Wahgi have decided that no, Mexico does NOT get to survive their coalition war - with their units still absolutely blanketing Mexico’s remaining cities, they launch their own invasion of the Mexican remains. Honestly, this might be the single most brutal ar I’ve ever seen - it’s not impressive, it’s not all that thorough, but it’s so comically one-sided that it stands out regardless. Mexico is fucked in a way that no other civ has been before. Monterrey didn’t even get a turn to heal!

105

Sierra Leone becomes the latest of many civs to complete the Manhattan Project, and while I do have to question how Rome got it done before the civ that’s currently tearing them in half, at least they got it done at all. This also provides us with a nice shot of Sierra Leone’s core, and surprise, it’s practically empty. Honestly, though, I wouldn’t say Sierra Leone looks to be in any real danger right now. There’s no real problem with being under-carpeted as long as the units you do have are where they need to be (on the front lines), and you have enough defenses to stave off any surprise attacks. Sierra Leone hasn’t thrown their navy at Rome (not that they really could), and the bulk of the potential threats to their empire can only invade by sea, so keeping some ships around is probably at least good enough to buy them some time to rebuild their army if the worst happens. Obviously Paratroopers would be a bit of an issue, but there aren’t a ton of civs fielding large squadrons of Paratroopers, and those that do aren’t close enough to be a real threat. I guess the Faroes could be a problem, but if England is any indication, fighting a war alongside them should be enough to appease them for some time.

106

The Goguryeo-Thule War has been starting off fairly slow, albeit decisively in favor of Goguryeo - Honsho-ji has fallen, and Ytyk’ is heavily damaged with multiple Goguryeo units at the gates. It’s looking rough for the Thule, and their navy is definitely thinning fast, but Goguryeo is also running into the exact problem I feared they would: difficulty maneuvering their units out of the Sea of Japan and Sea of Okhotsk. Unless they can maneuver the bulk of their fleet through two tiles really quickly, Honsho-ji is going to be one hell of a flipfest, and reaching Alaska might be a pipe dream. Maybe they should have waited for the Thule to take Yamashina (or at least secured Open Borders with the Ikko-Ikki) before declaring war.

107

Despite the hangups on the main Goguryeo-Thule front, however, Goguryeo does actually have some other angles of attack, thanks to their war with the Pueblo of all things. Both Kha’po Owingeh and the Hawaiian cities have fairly open access to the Pacific, and their ships are already heading north to beat back the Thule fleet that was on the verge of tearing the Ikko-Ikki apart. Honestly, I’m kind of amazed the Thule didn’t take a single Ikko-Ikki city down here, given how much of an advantage they had. It’s clear the Ikko-Ikki weren’t exactly lying down and letting the Thule take them, either, though - even now, the remains of the Ikko-Ikki navy are engaging the remains of the Thule navy just north of Shoman-ji!

108

Sierra Leone breaks new ground in the war against Rome by retaking not only Aquilea and Athens but Alexandria as well. They even have a lone ship harassing the Roman capital itself, but it’ll probably hold out for a few turns yet. Rome, for their part, isn’t giving up the fight, and has more units on their way to the central Mediterranean, but even the eastern portion of the empire is starting to look pretty exhausted. At this rate, Rome is going to end up looking more like the Byzantine Empire, except without any of Anatolia to put their capital in. It’d be fitting, at least.

With all that being said, though, I do want to commend Rome for actually holding up so well compared to the collapse of Mexico. Sure, Sierra Leone and the Faroes aren’t exactly the Yellowknives and New Holland, but seeing them put up this much of a fight really is inspiring.

109

To nobody’s surprise, Mexico’s Central American holdings utterly implode without the slightest effort from the Wahgi. You can barely even tell these were Mexican cities a turn ago, like a carcass picked clean by starving piranhas. Mexico isn’t dead yet, you can see the borders of Otavalo on the southern edge of the image, but there are also Wahgi units already circling in for the kill… the Wahgi are well and truly a player in the American theater now.

110

Not that the Wahgi needed to kill Mexico to get themselves a foothold in the Americas, mind you - the conquest of Bora-Bora is making that happen just fine on its own. We haven’t actually gotten a shot of Patagonia all episode, but by the looks of it the dam has finally burst down here. Four whole cities all fall to the Wahgi, seemingly at around the same time, and Caleufeu is certainly next. Bora-Bora has managed to retake Fa’anui, but with at least three Wahgi Paratroopers nearby, it won’t last long. Only Pampa Koani, still guarded by a New Hollander fleet, remains safe for the time being. I hate to say it, but Bora-Bora might not make it to the end of next episode.

They have made it to the end of this episode, though, because this is the final slide! Thank you very much for reading, I hope you enjoyed (or at least found a way to cope with the death and/or demolition of your favorite civs). I’ve been NopeCopter aka u/daXfactorz, and I’m looking forward to reading the next episode with you all, too.

Episode 37: Follow the Citadel Road – S4

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