Episode 46: Squeeze and Slurp – S4

Hello everyone! This is your host Coiot joined today by your game runner LacsiraxAriscal to finish off the season. We do not normally end a season this way with the top dogs (coyote and fox in this case), but we have also never ended a season all the way through without a reset or minification of some form, so this all calls for celebration!

There was quite a challenge for me in this last narration batch, not only because the signup numbers get low at the end of a season—Do signup! We’ve had many first time writers knock it out of the park easily so don’t be intimidated—but I always want to maintain interest and have each episode be a banger. It is common for me to see on Discord that the latest episode ‘is the best one yet’ and that makes a lot of this hard effort worth it. We could have eked out an episode between this and the last few and distributed the slide count to a more normal level, but the action would have ended in awkward moments and so many thanks to Sonicfan, Orange, and Nope for giving it their 110% to deliver more writing to bring everyone better overall drama.

Having said that, this is the finale, and by the end there is an undisputed winner. Since almost the start of the season we made this fact known and now we are here to deliver. Every year we get better and make an ever more entertaining Civ AI game and we’ll continue doing so as long as you keep coming back to watch.    

My first OC to highlight is actually a series of new OC to keep the community company in the interim between seasons. The Great Game is a game hosted on Youtube by Kazia that is directly inspired by the CBR with a few tiny adjustments to our formula that might shake things up. There are a few innovations therein that we might see next season here as well. I consume our own show almost entirely through the audio on Youtube, so audio folks in particular may enjoy. Go over to her Youtube channel to catch up on the releases so far.

I adore written OC on the sub, and SiegeSquirrel42 concludes their short series to coincide with the end of the season. Outside of the narrators, written OC tends to influence the lores of season and is greatly appreciated by myself and others.

A big and mighty thank you to everyone who donated this season! It is without exaggeration nor the usual talking points you now have to hear across the internet when you view other content creators, but this is all made possible by the names listed here. It is difficult and time consuming to produce this content, and in a sense I have to be both always present but at a distance with the audience as I know the outcome of the game, with each of its twists and turns, almost from the time you will be reading episode 1. It is emotionally difficult and I appreciate everyone that can pitch in to keep the wheels moving.

I want to shoutout Singapore this final episode for a truly wonderful performance across the game. Unique and excellent, Singapore was our only Neutrality civ this game and always stood outside normal expectations and predictions. Striking when needed and where necessary, they grow their empire in the small pockets of opportunity available to them. Even up until the end they had a few wondering if maybe just maybe they still had it in them to pull an upset. Such a civ is quite enduring! The pink menace will be remembered fondly for years to come.

The episode begins with the return to a state of total war. On screen we find that Shajar al-Durr has done her best to fill each of her tiles with combat units but such efforts will come to little comfort once the XCOMs come helldiving into town.  

Total war comes to the Faroes and Goguryeo frontlines as a complete and utter surprise. Busy rebuilding, neither side had given much thought to have a garrison next to their arch rival. It will be a mad dash for Goguryeo troops as the Faroes at least terrify the border cities with some Giant Death Robots.

Goguryeo finds itself flat-footed up against the immediate traditional northern front with the Yelloknives. Bio-Titans had already been lying in wait ready for the big whistle and their time has come… too bad there are some pesky mountain tiles in their way…  

The former Osage empire will be the flashpoints between Yellowknives and New Holland. On the face of it, Yellowknives has the advantage, but New Holland has integrated cities along the eastern seaboard and it should not be a sweep through the open terrain for Yellowknives.

A better blitz prospect for the Yellowknives lies in eager divided Australia as the lads in brown look to greatly outnumber and other jersey color currently in the stands.

The Bora Bora homeland having been reunited under the Yellowknives banner across the previous two episodes also looks poised to deliver a proper whoop ass onto New Holland’s vulnerable Pacific front. During the first phase of Total War, New Holland focused almost entirely on the Atlantic, and the first few turns here will probably be no different.

Singapore's corpse (if you can call it that as each of their non-capital cities on screen have been nuked to oblivion) is now the host of a hopscotch monstrosity of newly founded cities from far away colonizers. The initial salvos have all gone against Goguryeo as their cities are in the black but there are not many opposing combat units to back this more of a mess.

Back in North America we find the Yellowknives mobilizing units to flip back their city of Weleh-Cheh. The Faroes have formidable land units garrisoned in the immediate area while the Yellowknives look to naval superiority for their battle strength. Both sides will look for backup before much change occurs here.

Now a glance over Southeast Asia for a familiar sight of an almost empty scene for Goguryeo. The rebuild has taken priority, and signs of the decades-long struggle can still be seen over the mountain tiles that will forever radiate with the sins of nuclear warfare. Siam makes a cameo on the edge of the screen, praying they too will remain on the periphery of everyone else’s attention.  

The first elimination of the episode is for the Selkups. Having survived the maelstrom that was the literal cyclone of Nexii hovering above the entire horizon over Hsia, the Selkups had literally no possible defense once the storm was lifted. Living off borrowed time, the clock ticked awfully faster for the Selkups as the reaper with the skyscraper long scythe claws took a swipe.

The Selkups (to me) have a mixed legacy with moments of utter brilliance between long periods of inactivity. Vonya lived up to the baseline expectations of claiming their portion of the map with ease after the initial scare that Kazakhstan posed for them. That was around T200, and we all felt that the dominoes might have started falling from there considering the weak targets at their gates.

Instead the Selkups waited for a weakened Mongolia to loosen its grip on the steppes before stepping up, which in turn caused a big internal crisis as the Dzungars came to their cousin's aid and dived a dagger at their exposed flank. It looked like the status of top regional power was over for Vonya if not for a poorly managed war with several tactical blunders on the part of Galdan Khan. Vonya relished in his good fortune, and his hordes of battle-tested troops vaulted over the Urals and laid waste to Kazan.

Once more it felt like the Selkups could break out at any moment and possibly build enough momentum to be the top power, but a grinding war with Goguryeo and several missed opportunities meant that it was not until after T600 that the Selkups once again marched westward to expand their empire, but the growth opportunities could have been much greater if timely strikes at an early time have come.  Looking large, but technologically behind, a last minute joint operation with the Osage against the Dzungars before Total War grabbed them a bit of sizable buffer between them and Goguryeo, but Goguryeo’s generals had eyes only for the hunks in fishing gear so after withstanding the initial waves of top tier units, the Selkups green was replaced with red, or the green of the map as their cities turned to dust. F    

Nzinga, feeling a bit desperate, has already liberated Vijayanagara in the Seychelles. Easy to forget that Krishnadevaraya settled a city here centuries ago. Liberations are a sign of war weariness on the part of the liberator, but there will be no rest from here on out for Ndongo.

The Maldives flip back to New Holland after a strong Ndongo foray into India. Despite a few Ndongo Sentinel units being seen on screen that can temporarily wrestle away any city in the vicinity, Ndongo’s power projection onto the Indian Ocean is still hampered by rogue Dutch warships and the remnants of Singapore (and Eswatini I guess, ha!l).  

We have no way of knowing who, but someone decided to remove Siam from the map through warheads rather than sending boots on the ground. Unknown to those wishes, Rava V through galaxy level clairvoyance or luck made a wild gambit to take poorly defended Tukana. Futile in the grand scheme of things, but have to respect the gall. Sadly for Siam, in the jungles of Borneo lie Yellowknives Bio-Titans come to reap the spoils.

Singapore had sent a contingent of naval units behind enemy lines in an attempt to stall the Yellowknives own naval push westward. It looks all but mopped up but it gives us an excuse to show the Yellowknives’ newfound core now  annexed and ready to push out combat units.

The Afsharids, having been liberated before the end of the last episode, used their top of the line tech to produce a cute little fighting force. Nader Shah targets Mehrgarh, but so too does Nzinga. Other cities in the area are probably juicier targets, imo, with only artillery standing in their way elsewhere.

The Mamluks lost and flipped back their last remaining city. Either the Giant Death Robot or the Sentinel nearby can take each Mamluk unit single-handingly, though this flip scenario might play out a few more times.

Lee Kuan Yew has once again, regrettably, brought back Wahgi to stall for time. Anything to distract away from holding onto the wondrous city of Mount Hagen as SIngapore tries to get every last sip of value from all the bonuses holding onto the city may grant.

The Ndongo / Faroes front is a full on desperate clash on the entire bottom edge of the Sahara. Both sides look well matched, with Ndongo having the closer core to probably push on through as all the Faroes cities on screen are still puppetted.  

Goguryeo and Yellowknives clash to the west of Mexico as the Hawiian Goguryeo garrison hold off the larger Yellowknives navy at bay. Lower on screen we can see New Holland pushing northwards from Central America.

Further below we find New Holland has flipped back Pampa Koani from a small Yellowknives push into South America to test the defenses. The tests are conclusive, it looks quite squishy for New Holland on this front.

Not so soft, but ever so brittle, is the Osage faultline between New Holland and Yellowknives. Ni-o-sho-de has been taken, as well as Prophetstown and Azhyg, with a rapid advance using very maneuverable Hovertanks. On the counter are settlers on the frontline, which is quite a bold tactical statement by Akaitcho.

In another show of the utility of Hovertanks is the New Holland push into the arctic. Yellowknives have the numbers, and Faroes look uninterested, though it is New Holland making the gains.

Ndongo prevents the Afsharids from claiming Mehrgarh only to use the capture to bring back Harappa. Nader Shah must be furious, but has chosen to aim his fury away to the south. Also on display is Ndongo’s continued push from Sri Lanka onto the Indian subcontinent. Those 17 Goguryeo aircraft  stationed in-between must be fueling up to depart any moment now.

The big island of Hawaii is now devoid of human settlement. The Yellowknives advance onto the archipelago, and there are plenty of settlers to follow in their wake.  

The Faroes have easily claimed the frontier Goguryeo cities that had been sticking outwards into Europe with ease but it looks like there will be a statement here for at least another turn or two as neither side have much battle-strength. Faroes at least has a few more melee units on screen for city capturing.

Singapore is still a menace in and around Madagascar, with Eswantini having put up resistance on these initial turns but look poised to go back to the depths with the click of the Next Turn button. Missing is any strong sign of a Ndongo naval interest to wrestle away the pink tide.  

Where the pink looks ready to be washed out is in Australia as the Yellowknives wield the clear superior fighting force. A host of melee units against cities in the red or black is not a good look for what remains of Singapore's pride.

Ndongo’s presence along the entire rim of the Indian Ocean is amusing. On the Arabaian peninsula front, Ndongo has set up a beachhead composed of a very advanced force to sneak in some city captures. Also on screen are the crumbs left of the Mamluks, Ndongo having gobbled up the delicious piece of marzipan colored map.  

Another look at the eastern Canadian front to reaffirm New Holland’s commitment to holding onto the region. The Atlantic-centric strategy ensures that the Faroes have all but been kicked out of North America as they eye Eurasia and Africa instead.

Ndongo, again the liberator, brings back their nemesis Sierra Leone. Ndongo looks the stronger of the two competitors here, though the AI must be itching to end the fighting soon (spoilers: there is no more pausing). Do love the mech brawls taking place in the radiated desert currently taking place here.

Another liberation, here this time Nzinga brings back Pontus to serve as another temporary distraction for Faroes to consider. Mithridates VI awakens suddenly, without warning, eyes opening to discover he is on the shores of the lower Nile. No doubt he is cursing being brought back to this nightmare as dozens of messengers engulf him with the news that pain awaits.

Over in Alaska we find that the Yellowknives have clawed back some territory from Goguryeo and the fighting remains intense here. Goguryeo lacks land units to reclaim lost ground, so the defensive advantage will swing to the Yellowknives on this front.

In a bit of a surprise, Singapore steals back some of their former core territory back from the colonizers of the bombed out islands. New names to familiar places for them but any clay is welcome during Total War. Also, the Yellowknives have stamped out Siam.  

A New Holland expeditionary force in the Philippines looks stacked with nukes to cause some damage or even wipe away a few more cities. The empty spots in the Mariana Islands might be their doing.

Nzinga is not done with the liberating as she decided that misery makes good company with Ismail ibn Sharif around. I should note that the Faroese fighting force is looking very thin.

Over in Persia, Giant Death Robots are flattening down the ground, stamping out the radiation as they move to meet the now regrouped and organized Goguryeo. Goguryeo troops only have to break the initial line of defense to potentially move uncontested.

Eagle eyed viewers may have noticed that Palawa actually died 3 turns ago but so inconsequential was their passing that Lacs did not notice herself until sometime later.

Palawa rose to a high rank at the beginning on the season with what looked like a stellar opening and initial city settling followup but that was about as good as it would get. Tarenorerer can count on a few bright spots to her record, namely successful skirmishes here and there and let them expand their reach all the way to the western shores of South America and even the shores of Mauritius.

Despite those moments, their legacy will be mired by continual fueding with Noongar over central Australia, often losing ground when at the start it looked like fortune was on their side. Such bad blood was shared between Yagan that the long statlemting bouts meant that niether civ could break out to even be considered a regional power.

Even so, Palawa would outlast Noongar for quite some time (turn count wise) due to their close ties to Wahgi. That close relationship was key to their survival, offering to be a bootlicker in return for the chance to finish the tech tree like so few others civ got the chance to. This would come back to hurt the Wahgi later as Palawa sucker punched them good while they ere distracted with Signapore, but to most the bruising from first Osage and then the humuliation of being blown away by Yellowknives meant that their gains would come to any good.

All in all, a middling performance, perhaps reflected at more negatively than is reasonable considering a significant amount of the roster performed far worse and achieved much less. The game could easily have been quite different if Palawa had kept it together early on to keep Wahgi in check.

Since Goguryeo seems to only focus on whichever is the greatest threat at the time, the opportunity for the Afsharids to carve out a safe cubby hole is now manifest. They could have easily knocked on Went-Antu’s door next door to not so politely tell him that ‘your casa is mi casa’ so going for the tougher challenge is commendable.  

The Yellowknives' advance across Hawaii has melted away. They have taken Nambe Owingeh but there is no immediate followup, if you don’t count the settlers nearby making a move.

New Holland and the Yellowknives are spent in the Great Plains. There are no groupings of units to make decisive changes to the front lines, as it is a simple flip fest between what scare units happen to move on the citadel roads.

Singapore continues to dwindle in Australia as the Yellowknives inch forward, and in taking back a city they have brought back the Noongar. A few more island cities are now in pink but anything not attached to a coast is no longer in their contention.

The Afsharids continue to grow their small dominion in taking Vijayanagara. Their numbers are now few though the spunk remains immense for a civ that was liberated. Ndongo has taken the other half. Harrapa continues unabated and silently sneaks some sunshine in while it lasts.  

Ndongo breaks through and scatters the Faroes units that were holding the line. There is resistance still remaining here and there, but Nzinga is going to be painting the map red.

A different shade of red that moves forward is Goguryeo’s. There is still a semblance of stable line here for the Faroes while attrition holds steady..  

Back in Europe the situation looks much the same between these two giants. Not much movement to point out, though I find it interesting how Goguryeo’s lines are roughly the extent of the religion of Vajrayana.  

Since the Yellowknives lack a sizable number of land units, their arctic navy gushes forth to strike at Greenland and send the workboats swimming away like a large synchronized school of fish. Faroese reinforcements are on the way though they look like a token force.

In what probably no one but the most loyal Afsharid fangirl dreamed of before this episode, the Afsharids have four cities, threatening a fifth, and look to be unopposed for at least a few turns longer. Nader Shah needs to pump out the units again to be a true little torn in Gorguyeo’s underbelly, though it is more like a rock in their sock.

The Faroes surround Minya in efforts to stall Ndongo longer though all around the red creeps grows. Pontus has managed one artillery piece to fire at some poor fool, while the Alaouites just sit tight and watch.

Singapore is now running on fumes. Any melee unit that Yellowknives can muster is enough to flip these cities for good.  At long last, Australian unification is at hand.  

The Yellowknives have also done well to keep Goguryeo away from the Americas. While Gwanggaeto keeps enough troops to hold a line, his attention is completely in Europe and the Middle East right now.

Looks like no one will be contesting the North American northeast now that there are once again no cities here at all. I spy a settler in the far right corner, so don’t be shocked by another Vinland adventure from the Faroes but as far as warfare goes this is hardly a flashpoint for anything of consequence.

Ah Nzinga still the liberator queen, and Qarmback 20 (I’ve lost count but that sounds right) is upon us. The Qarmatians can be a buffer from the advancing Goguryeo. Oh! Also important to note that the notification callout is actually for the return of the Mamluks just offscreen.

Goguryeo now is fully ready and the Faroes look knackered. The Caucuses are the tip of the spear for Goguryeo and unless a few nukes land on this spot right now this army can break through anything.

Another sudden explosion of units is from the Yellowknives, which have enough units on screen to finally unify the North American continent. Unfortunately for them, there is no melee unit able to touch Prophetstown, and so all that battle-strength is being misdirected while New Holland can muster some muscle to move northwards.  

Ndongo remembers that Madasgscar exists and is there for the taking. A few Singapore units are there to symbolize resistance though cannot hope to turn back even the small number of units coming their way.

With the Faroese defensive line broken, Ndongo units are in mop up operation mode as the Sahara is theirs for the taking. Unless the Faroes begin to push back along this and the European front it looks to be a swift collapse for everywhere outside their base core from this concentrated pressure.

Central America will always be the bottleneck that the AI cannot seem to understand. Yellowknives and New Holland are not even well engaged with all the action between them happening off screen. Also of note is the cute pair of citadels trying to form a canal. We should really allow citadels to form canals, huh?  

Goguryeo wants to ruin the Yellowknives party of unifying at least one continent. There is no viable Singapore presence anymore and the Yellowknives have the melee units in place to finish the job if Goguryeo can just turn away for a turn or two.  

The Faroese early gains at the start of Total War part 2 are now undone. Morale seems lost as there appears to be no new units coming in to prevent Goguryeo from pushing all the way through into western Europe.  

The Yellowknives muster some spare naval units to island hop their way through Hawaii. With Goguryeo distracted, maybe the Yellwknives can also briefly unite the Pacific if they just throw in a half dozen or so more Advanced Destroyers.

Further support for that previous statement as just a few Advanced Destroyers take the easy pickings from the poorly contested maritime Southeast Asia. The Yellowknives cannot settle their entire home continent but may just have a complete cozy second one over here.

Ndongo’s victory in Africa is nearly complete. The mecha barrage is too great as the toughest of nano-material metal rushes up to meet the shores of the Mediterranean. Curiously, Ndongo is completely satisfied with the wedge in Libya they created with the Alaouites         and even let them parade a lone Pikeman to stand guard.

Pawhuska gets recalled from the sub by Akaitcho just to be reminded who his daddy is before being sent tumbling back to the cold abyss. Usually a liberated civ is at least given a whole turn to take in the view and stretch their legs but there is a swift liberation and recapture in the same turn by the liberator. Of note by this quick affair is the fact that despite the immense fighting force anchored above Prophetstown is the fact that the yellowknives are still maneuvering around that obstacle to capture cities.

We were just here two turns ago showing Ndongo’s progress but the highlight is seeing Ndongo’s shade of red now crisscrossing from shore to shore all along the massive continent.

Goguryeo is now pushing onto Anatolia and Ukraine. Around Mariupol are a group of Nexii that can make Goguryeo hit the brakes a bit though down south it is a one sided smackdown as the former Pontus empire turns red.

Gwanggaeto send a host of Cybersubs as he remembers the Indian Ocean exists. The aim appears to be to challenge Ndongo’s outer rim strategy and the Afsharids are caught in the crossfire. Pyrz Ketpar is already lost and Nader Shah only has a Mech Artillery remaining. Alas, it was fun while it lasted  

At long last. Take a screenshot. The longest it has taken Australia to be unified, and it has been done by no other than the Yellowknives. Soak it in and check the minimap, the Yellowknives did really build another empire through the few units that breached the Goguryeo blockade during the first phase of Total War and claimed another 30-40 cities as a result beating down three worthy civs. Highly admirable way to one up their rump-only fighter of a southern neighbor for legacy.

Long with that comes the snatching of Mount Hagen from Singapore's lifeless grip. The bonuses will enrich the Yellowknives for a short while. They also get to keep their pet Wahgi around for amusement. Wahgi, fully knowing the situation, has gone back doing what they know to do best, which is to spam settlers.  

Where the Yellowknives continue to falter is in North America where they could have brought it all under their control by now as well. New Holland is not putting up a fight here anymore, not that they need to be trying.

In fact, New Holland is exhausted and out of juice. They have given it everything they have and other than the early gains in eastern Canada have not found opportunities at all, unlike their northern neighbor. Johan Maurits might start to be seeing the writing on the wall right about now.

Ndongo is closer to achieving African unification. Just move those Giant Death Robots a little Nzinga and it is all yours. Few Faroes naval units that might flip a coastal city or two, but it is nothing the mechs cannot handle.

The Afsharids lose Tehran, and with it any hope of a continued comeback. Harappa has done well to stay silent and has not even been at the end of a stray shot, building a settler in the hopes having no combat units will deter any violence.

It would not be African unification without having all of Madagascar. Ndongo kicks Singapore out of the continent for what looks like to be forever.

Akaitcho continues liberating, this time Thule, sitting nicely between them at Goguryeo. Goguryeo looks a but more committed here than last we took a look, and the settler spree going after the radiated wastes is in full swing.

Some kick still left in the goat hooves of the Faroes as they take Leirivik from New Holland. Signs of life here even if most of that life is still in the form of workboats.

Anti-Wahgi fans please looks away! There is nothing to see here. GBlazeman, you’re free to yell at your boi Bol'im while no one is looking.  

Goguryeo pushes ever deeper into Europe, though at the moment you may be asking yourself how are they doing so without any troops! Attrition has taken its toll and neither side can do much. This round is not yet over despite each competitor resting at their corner.

Afsharids are no more. Gone but not forgotten, as Harrapa is keeping count. Gone soon may also be Ndongo from these parts as Goguryeo move real real intent this time.

Ndongo breaches onto Europe for the first time. They claim the eternal city and the units previously in and around Libya are embarked to move northwards before finishing the unification job. Any clay looks like good clay, especially if it is free for the taking.

Free clay is also what the Yellowknives seem to be sensing. Zavfh has been taken in what may be the first of many beachheads for the Yellowknives in South America.

The Yellowknives have also opened up a new front against Goguryeo in Southeast Asia. Their new southern core is online and ready to fight so no surprise more islands flip to the brown side.

After a short standoff, Goguryeo resumes the pummeling. The collapse of the Faroes is now plain to see. There is nothing left and two great powers are coming at them at once.

Ndongo settles a city of their own right in the frontlines in Morocco. New Holland also looks ready to join in on the fun against the Faroes as well.

Singapore is left with just the bottom edges of the cylinder. A close look at the minimap shows that a few more cities like these two remain, and that is all they have left. Even so, Lee Kuan Yew still has that fighting spirit. NS Men continue to be produced and sent out to brave the waters. Everyone likes a plucky civ.

At long last Prophetstown is taken! Akaticho celebrates by forcefully dragging Tecumseh back to the game for a toast. The swirling storm of units have already moved on and threaten New Holland’s hold on this half of the continent.  

The battle lines of Goguryeo and Ndongo now meet. I would like to think they settle on a truce while they still feast on fresh goat but that is wishful thinking on my part. Will note how different army compositions each of two boys in red have.

The Faroese navy remains as strong as ever, not that a navy will win you the game. It’s over. Nukes now begin to rain down on the Isles, wiping Lincoln off the map.

It’s over over. Goguryeo has a scary contingent of units that can slice clean through to the Atlantic. Ndongo also moves into the Balkans lower below.  

Ndongo takes Ingolstadt and accidentally brings back Ludwig II. He rises up to greet Nzinga, whom he must have secretly admired seeing now someone finding success having been in his same position being a middling power with hopes, dreams, and unfulfilled ambitions. Nzinga though slaps him down. So hard down in fact he returns to the sub. Forget Africa, Ndongo is in the race for Europe.

Avert thine eyes folks. The improbable might just be about to happen.

You might be wondering what happened to the large and frightening victory march for the Yellowknives. Well I too came to this image in quite the shock. New Holland has nuked the threat to oblivion, perhaps turning back the tide in the process.

Goguryeo reaches the edge of Scandinavia. They send messengers out in front to proclaim the obvious “It’s over.” Maybe by now you can also tell it’s not just over for the Faroes.  

No truce at all as Ndongo braces for Goguryeo’s blows. The Qarmatians look on in horror and envy, asking themselves why could they not be the ones burning everything to the ground.

Wahgi is not the only one trying to fly under the radar. Harappa finds a nice and isolated spot. Too bad they cannot settle with Ndongo touching the shoreline of their newfound empty island.

Here is a successful sneaky settle. New Holland settles Yeonghae in the middle of the desert. They must have heard the fabled red lands across the shore and named their city in the language of the wrong red civ. Yeonghae means something akin to ‘territorial waters’ btw. New Holland is staking a claim!

More of the Isles vanishes. There is no reinforcements coming from the inner core. Whomever is throwing out these nukes is creating a no man’s land buffer zone to settle this race quickly.

The Yellowknives thought they had it easy, but Goguryeo has now come. With the other fronts having been decided, the southern Pacific once again gains Gwanggaeto interest. Messengers herald the what’s coming “It’s over.”

Lakulisha, avatar of Shiva, the God of Destruction, graces us with his presence for one last teaching to remind everyone that the cycle is nearing an end. Overshadowing him is quite literally the sub blocking paths of new Nexii that the Yellowknives have sprung up to resume what New Holland had temporarily delayed.  

t’s been a final episode with at least one surprise and despite the best of my editing abilities to keep things tense up to the final episode, the outcome may have been all to easy ot predict after the first few salvos. With that I pass the rest of the episode over to Lacs for the final sendoff. I

Hey there everyone. LacsiraxAriscal here to see us out for the season. Insane to think how long ago this was for me - we wrapped recording on the 22nd June last year - so I’ve been living with the secrets of this run for about nine months. With that in mind, I’m not going to hang around. This is only going one way - let’s put this marvellous, bizarre, engrossing season to bed. Throughout the journey, I’ll take a couple moments here and there to explain about decisions that were made to expedite this game’s inevitable conclusion. As I’ve said elsewhere; we don’t end the game with the map fully painted one colour, but there’s no doubt as to who the winner is.

Amidst the chaos of war, the space left open by nuclear waste is rapidly resettled. Nzinga resettles the Maghreb with Korean prisoners of war, and there’s little in the way of a Faroese force to challenge them.

The Australian continent may have been racked by conflict for much of its existence, but until now it had largely avoided having whole settlements wiped off the map. All that changes in mere seconds, as Mandurah, Badjaling, Nannup, Boyagin and even Nipaluna join the history books. Any military force could walk through the landmass virtually uncontested now.

Goguryeo, the only empire with the resources to keep marching on, continues to consolidate Scandinavia. It’s worth noting how slowly we’re moving - it’s been around ten turns since we last checked in on this area, and Goguryeo has only taken a couple of cities. Turn times took around 2 hours at this point, which isn’t terrible for this stage of the game, but still: a full day of recording for a couple of city flips was fairly exhausting to follow.

Po’pay is the latest leader to find themselves roused from their hammock on the submarine and transported by zeppelin back to the Cylinder, liberated by the Yellowknives in what was once his holiday villa on Maui. I suspect this will be one of the shorter-lived revivals.

Komárom and Likssjuo are the latest cities to fall to Gwanggaeto’s deadly combination of Chimerae and Nexi. Notice how they continue to back-settle behind enemy lines, with Wool Bay, Sentosa and al-Mabraz all being Goguryeoan-settled supply bases. A smart way of maintaining a production base without the need for big happiness hits from annexing cities.

Alright, with that screenshot, I think I’ve officially seen enough. I’m ready to announce it; honestly, it’s long overdue. So here goes.

HARAPPA IS THE WINNER OF CBRX SEASON 4.

I never doubted them.

The devastation in Australia continues, with the west coast cities of Mulka and Jerramungup no more. More frighteningly, Uqair marks the first point of landfall of Goguryeo on the Australian landmass. But Dene-stralia is less doomed than they first appear; Gogurt are unlikely to move much further for now, lacking any sort of land reinforcements.

Po’pay… I salute you. Never give up on your principles. Vive la liberté! They may seize our island, they may banish us to the Antarctic, but we will die knowing we died as free Puebloans!

Neat, the Alaouites have their UU! A musketman replacement, it receives a combat bonus in friendly territory and rushes production in the capital upon killing an enemy unit. It’ll be fun to see what kind of impact this can make on the- wait, is that a Nanohive? Oh that’s right, this isn’t Episode 10. Almost had me for a moment.

Let’s skip forward a bit. We’re so close to T1000, so let’s just teleport to the milestone.

As Singapore faces their final date with destiny, Akaitcho briefly muses on exchanging them for a Palawa Revivalist State. But this is total war, so they immediately redeclare war on the beleaguered Antarctic rump - and with a destroyer already staring the outpost down, it won’t be long until it’s flying Yellowknife colours for good.

Remember that new Ndongo city in Algeria? Since we’ve looked away, it’s been nuked off the map and replaced already. Ndongo is doing more than filling in blank spaces on a map though; they’re making real headway into Faroese Europe, seizing Sandur and taking swathes of Germany just offscreen to the north. Who would’ve called them outliving Singapore, the Selkups and even the Faroes at the dawn of Total War? But that’s surely where we’re headed.

Another unique unit from days gone by, the Shemagana is a unique Landsknecht replacement that’s automatically built when friendly religious units are expended in enemy cities. It takes the combat strength from the Shawnee’s strongest current melee or gun unit which… is probably the swordsman.

You’d swear Goguryeo and Ndongo-Matamba had worked out some sort of secret underhand agreement. This is total war! No alliances allowed! But the two orangey-red nations are barely blinking at each other as both continue to tear through the Faroes. Very suspicious… Dare I say “rigged”?!

It may no longer be called Ichabamba, but this spot in southern Peru is still the go-to landing for amphibious attacks on South America. The city once bothered by Bora-Bora and the Wahgi now hosts Yellowknife ships as they attempt to begin some sort of pincer movement on New Holland’s North South American holdings.

The nation that was first undone by the vulnerability of that site has to play witness to this humiliating repeat of history. Tiwanaku are the latest civ to be revived by Akaitcho in the Antarctic. At least it’s not a big trek from the sub, eh? Huyustus can probably pop back for the occasional cuppa and catch-up.

The Maritimes are relatively uncontested, and Johan Maurits takes the initiative to resettle Nova Scotia. Already the city is bombed to zero health, and Yellowknife ships occupy its harbour. To the north, Akaitcho is arranging his navy to attack the Faroes’ long-held safe space of Greenland.

Goguryeo increases its presence in Australia, though not through conquest. Vacancies left by the unending nuclear holocaust are now occupied by Mapolo and Kerala-no-Dhoro. Hey, that’s from the Harappa city list! Truly, we are MASSIVE.

It’s been three slides, so you know what that means: another revival. Aw, it’s quite nice getting all these little cameos in for the final episode. It’s like the end of Survivor where everyone comes back to talk up the finalists. I wonder what Moreno of Ecuador would have to say about New Holland the Yellowknives? I can’t imagine it would be immensely positive.

Goguryeo’s advancing forces seem unstoppable on every front… except Africa, where Nzinga is not only holding the line but apparently pushing back. Trapezus is besieged by Nanohives while powerful melee units hover nearby. Exploratory missions are making their way into the Mediterranean too.

Some civs are built different. Whatever you think of ‘em, there’s no doubt Singapore has been one of the smartest and most determined civs on the Cylinder this time round. Even in their death throes, they refuse to be resigned to a tiny Antarctic outpost and seize Sri Lanka and the Maldives from Goguryeo - with their UU, no less! They will sing about you for years, Lee Kuan Yew, no doubt about that. But despite this brief fightback, it’ll still probably be in Korean.

You can probably tell I put a lot of effort into the Great People mod. I never turned down an opportunity to show off a random Great Person, like Neoclassical portrait artist Élisabeth Vigée Le Brun. I just wish civs kept their Scientists around for longer - I never get the chance to snap those, they’re always used up immediately.

The Faroes might be starting to stem the bleeding - too little, far far too late, of course. New cities have come online on the British Isles to support the war effort. A swarm of Nexi travels across the North Sea. A calm may be returning to the cold nuclear air.

Off-screen, it appears as though the Harappan Dominion of Mehrgarh has changed colour to orange. That can’t be right. Something must be bugging out on the minimap.

One of the Yellowknives’ many failed micronation projects is terminated, as the Shawnee State falls once again to Akaitcho. Insane to think that the Shawnee technically made it later into the game than the Selkups, eh? Power rankers, make sure to factor that in when calculating the overall rankings.

In the fight for the Americas, which has remained fairly even at least to my eyeballs, Akaitcho is starting to bring the heat down on Monterrey. There are surely enough melee units there to take the city, and it’s hard to see where a retaliatory force from New Holland would come from. It’ll be slow and steady - like all of these machinations - but could this be the first glimmer of a future where the New World is united under one banner?

Ouch. Gwanggaeto doesn’t really have the army to spare to reconquer Sri Lanka and the Maldives from Singapore right now, so instead… he just vaporizes them. So much for that. Singapore lives on in Gadag, so we can save our eulogies for now. Just offscreen, the umpteenth Qarmback has been brought to an end.

This is ominous. Gwanggaeto finally makes landfall in Africa, taking the relatively exposed city of Ngwenya. It doesn’t seem to be leading to a greater invasion plan just yet. But all these operations have to start somewhere…

In our latest instalment of Let’s Remember Some Guys: remember Thule? Yeah, they were pretty good, weren’t they? No Haida, but entertaining enough. Well, they’re back as a St. Lawrence Island microstate, presumably to be sent right back to the sub once the Yellowknives move next.

I really admire New Holland’s persistent attempt to “peacefully” colonise Africa. They want to be the Buccaneers so badly; it’s honestly adorable. I’m sure Ta-Cheh will meet the fate of every other doomed Dutch colony and be turned into ash and memories by an Ndongoan missile soon, so take it all in while you can.

Oh my word. I didn’t think this day would come. It seemed like they were set to stay on as a miserable rump state for all of eternity. But one red button and one vanished city later and it’s all over. The Wahgi are eliminated in 6th place.

We’ll be getting full eulogies from the Power Rankers in due course, so rather than give a formal recap, I’ll offer my own thoughts and feelings about the Wahgi from when I actually recorded this damn show. It was clear early on they were in a good position to imitate Timor-Leste’s legendary ascendance, but their failure to consolidate Australia always left me feeling a little cold on them. That said, I was surprised to see the narrative weavers cast them as the ultimate supervillain - I thought their smart expansions (if agonising unit balance) made them pretty entertaining. I suppose anyone starting next to Bora Bora was unlikely to endear themselves to many, but I couldn’t help but have a soft spot for Bol’im.

With all that having been said, I was absolutely terrified come total war. I was very sure it was their game to lose, and when it quickly became clear that was far from the case, I was so relieved. About 100 turns earlier, I was worried we would have the most transparently boring endgame the CBR has ever seen, as the Wahgi mega-forces simply flipped the Cylinder in a matter of minutes. When you’re running the game, you don’t get the live stats - I had no idea how badly their production, science or gold was doing, only having the sheer numbers to go off. I’m impressed Power Rankers managed to correctly guess they were the most delicate of glass cannons.

And with that, the Wahgi have certainly enshrined themselves in CBR legend. Never before have we seen a civ extend so far and yet crumble so fast. Take your well earned, well overdue rest, Bol’im.

Back in Europe: the Faroes had briefly retaken the Latvian capital of Riga, but it’s safely in Gogurt’s hands again. Gwanggaeto has been founding so many cities he’s grown bored of thinking up names for all of them; his new settlement in Sweden is simply referred to as “Insert place name here”.

No Sri Lankan city? No problem says Singapore, as they simply take the South Indian city of Kaparati instead - which certainly sounds like it could be a Tamil place name, but was actually founded by the Palawa. I’m sure this will once again be dealt with, but this is impressively petty stuff from Lee Kuan Yew.

The megacities of the Outback are no more; the desert is once again returned to a desolate, sparsely populated wasteland. Only a few new Goguryeoan villages break up the monotonous clouds of dust and fallout. I have to say, strategically speaking, I don’t mind Gwanggaeto’s strategy here - they’ve nowhere near enough forces to actually invade this land, so simply blowing it into smithereens and resettling it is working wonders.

Proving once again they will simply build cities anywhere they fancy, New Holland builds a lovely little town at the mouth of the Loire. The Faroes are weak, but they’re surely not so weak that they’ll let that slide for longer than a couple of turns.

It’s hardly worth mentioning the cities that have been razed - I’m sure I was talking about Komárom a moment ago - as Gwanggaeto continues to resettle the cursed land. We do seem to be reaching a standstill on this front, with both Nzinga and Gwanggaeto reaching the limits of their extensibility and wasting valuable units on each other.

Akaitcho never did conquer Monterrey apparently, but instead he’s gone straight in for the Pacific port of Natal. It will be a brief blip, but they do seem to have the momentum in this front. Otavalo somehow remains intact. Worse places to be bombed and shelled than the Galápagos, I suppose.

Singapore fans can be very proud of their civ that they managed to outlive their nemeses the Wahgi. But it won’t be long now. The Yellowknives’ Australian escapade doesn’t have much life left, but it should have enough to finish off Singapore once and for all.

In case you were wondering… Gadag really is it. The rest of Singapore’s southern holdings are naught but craters and blood.

Four turns later (so eight hours of recording time…) and the only major change is a Yellowknives breakthrough on the Gulf of Mexico, as Fort Maurits is taken without much of a fight. New Holland has a lot of workers on the Eastern Seaboard. Can they band together to make a civilian defence force?

Gwanggaeto finally string together an attack on Nzinga’s European conquests, sending a mighty army to stare down Tvøroyri, a city that’s well-sheltered by the Dalmatian mountains. Munich to the north may face a similar onslaught soon. I can’t help but notice they’ve held on to Ngwenya in Africa too, for much longer than I expected.

The Sierra Leonean coast has been gently flipping between Ndongo-Matamba and New Holland for a fair while now. We see it here in Nzinga’s hands, but you do wonder if Maurits’ assaults are simply a waste of time or a steady, steady drip…

Goguryeo’s refusal to actually reinforce their Australian settlements ends predictably, as Akaitcho takes Weleh Ti - fair enough, given Goguryeo nicked that city name from their list. But count the units in this scene! It’s clear everyone is absolutely exhausted.

The Yellowknives finally make their way into Monterrey, briefly letting Maximilian I pretend to rule again before sending him packing back to the submarine. But much like Fort Maurits to the north, this city will only flip back.

And finishing all the way up in fifth place, it’s Singapore. Gadag falls and with it the hopes and dreams of a divisive civilization.

I can’t say Singapore was ever a civ I had strong thoughts about - apparently making me somewhat unique in the CBR community. I expected very little from them so admired their chutzpah and confident settling, but I didn’t sincerely see them as a threat to anyone except the nearby minnows until very late on. They definitely got an oversized benefit from never really being on the receiving end of a Wahgi drubbing, and scooping up their territory once they collapsed. Still, I think they more than deserved a top five finish with a slow, steady but confident game plan. I would’ve preferred a Maguindanao sweep though, I’ll say that much.

Having been tested in Australia with some success, Gwanggaeto’s strategy of “just nuke it” is rolled out to Scandinavia. Only Ubmeje remains of the Faroese holdings, and the Goguryeoan tanks loom ominously.

Ah, well that settles the Monterrey question then. Are there… are there actually going to be any cities left on the Cylinder at the end of this game? I do wonder if the constant destruction of cities is preventing any real momentum from taking off. It feels like a long while since any major new offensive took hold, anywhere on the Cylinder.

The Alaouites, who I didn’t even mention had been wiped off the map, are back again. Looks like they even have an up-to-date unit, somehow! The Alaouite resurgence starts here, y’all. Ta-Cheh has lasted longer than I expected, and New Holland has celebrated by settling another town a little further down the coast.

The “just nuke it, I don’t care anymore” strategy is so successful/nihilistic that it’s being exported Cylinder-wide. A stream of old Bora Bora cities have been annihilated, presumably by New Holland, in lieu of an actual amphibious assault.

You can tell not a lot is happening when I’m highlighting Great Artists again. No shade to Huang Gongwan, Southern School landscape artist from the Song Dynasty. He has one of the best nicknames I’ve ever heard: 大痴道人, or “A Silly Daoist”.

Yet more tit for tat, as Ndongo takes back Ngwenya while Gogurt seizes Tvøroyri. Any attempt to break past the Red Sea has been given up on, by either side.

Texas tastes hellfire, as Tehti and Mo-he-ag-gra are wiped off the map. Akaitcho rushes to fill the gap immediately with Ek’ati Ndi on the Rio Grande. Three turns have passed since the last slide.

Gwanggaeto makes a real stride into Europe, conquering the whole Italian peninsula for the first time. I notice they’ve taken Ngwenya again too. It’s only going one way, but Lord, this was taking a lot out of me to play through at this point.

The second Alaouite insurgency is snuffed out. But to the northeast, Athens and Carthago are snapped away, leaving Corsica and Sardinia uninhabited for the first time in millennia.

Australia hasn’t shifted much since we last checked in, but Ballardong has fallen to Goguryeo - the first city they’ve actually conquered on the continent since Uqair. Sandavagur is the newest outback station.

In the Arabian peninsula, the south coast has been gently flipping back and forth between Ndongo and Goguryeo for a fair while now. This front is going nowhere.

But Goguryeo continues to find success in Europe, taking the old Burgundian capital of Dijon. Improbably, New Holland snipes Kangiquniq, though I notice their lovely outpost on the Loire is no more.

Oh, hello! It’s been a long time since we’ve seen Goguryeo cross over to the New World, but a quick ambush sees them take the Californian coast - what’s left of it, anyway. Akaitcho isn’t immediately in the position to take it back, either. Are we finally reaching the end times?

Now we see how Gwanggaeto got his opening - Akaitcho was bewildered by a sudden resurgence of Faroese blockades in Canada, with Trondur improbably sweeping through the Maritimes. But these conquests will inevitably be reversed.

Actually, err… things have been pretty stagnant for a while. Except for the slow, inexorable, unmistakable creep of Goguryeo, we’ve reached a fairly obvious stalemate, one that at this point is taking hours, days, weeks to record only to see one city flip a day, if I’m lucky. And there’s a more pressing issue too.

At this stage, the game is not stable. I mean, how could it be? It’s T1041, can you believe we got this far? Any time the game crashes, I have to go back to this turn. All future saves refuse to load, no matter what happens. And the game sure crashes… randomly and uncontrollably. I must’ve tried to run past this point half a dozen times now, seeing a week of work with little progress erased time and time again.

It’s agonising, because we know who would win this game if we were only able to play the game out that far. There’s only one civ that’s still consistently making gains on multiple fronts; it’s just taking forever. And there’s a good reason for that - for reasons that are beyond me, the vast majority of cities aren’t producing a goddamn thing. Where are the legions of XCOMs? Beats me. It’s something we’ll have to look into for CBRX5, because there’s no reason that these civs, with the production they have, shouldn’t be able to make an XCOM every turn now.

But hey. A little code and a little encouragement and maybe we can make that a reality. Welcome to the endgame. Fasten your seatbelts.

Three turns in and we see the new code start to take hold. Trondur, Gwanggaeto, Maurits and Akaitcho are all mysteriously persuaded to funnel all production into powerful XCOM forces, almost against their will… As Gwanggaeto continues to find time to settle Scandinavia, the British Isles fill up with a decent little squad…

…A squad that cannot even remotely compare to the mighty forces Gwanggaeto can now bring. The powerful XCOMs are the best units in the game, even with Future Worlds adding dozens more MacGuffins, and they easily tear through the former Mamluk lands. Hey look, it’s the Alaouites. Do you think they’ll get XCOMs spawning in too?

Things aren’t so rapid on the high seas, where XCOMs obviously have less sway. In fact, it’s a chimera that takes Manus Island from the Yellowknives, as Mount Hagen quickly surrounds itself with a ring of powerful new units.

North America erupts in plumes of smoke as the coldest front heats up rapidly. Only the new city of Sengkang has changed hands so far, but Akaitcho certainly has the upper hand as he musters forces behind the Appalachians.

The initial blitz has slowed down considerably - we’re once again leaping forward about seven turns at once - but we can see it hasn’t taken long for Goguryeo to carpet their homelands that so recently lay empty.

You may choose to call this too interventionist. Before I became the person cursed with having to record the CBR, I probably would have too. But the game was dead, unrecordable but also unmistakably won and lost. Goguryeo is the winner of CBRX4; that was decided on T1041. The following slides are simply for your entertainment.

Ndongo-Matamba, having to send forces to the home fronts almost immediately, isn’t able to build any real reserve force for when the front line breaks.

As for New Holland… look, I don’t know, these guys have confused me since Day 1 and it wouldn’t be right if they weren’t still confounding me with their continued survival in the face of bizarre unit composition or simply lack thereof.

The Yellowknives don’t look too bad if you compare them to New Holland… and then you remember that the Bering Strait is only a stone’s throw away. Gulp.

And our final top 5, the Faroes. I’m honestly just impressed they’re still here. Alright, we move on!

Six turns later - yes, it’s still moving that slowly - the Yellowknives have failed to really turn their military advantage into sustained action, but they have at least secured the Californian coast once again. Still, you’d like to see them at least unite North America before The Inevitable.

Instead, we see new settlements pop up on the sites of cities of yore. Has this final gambit for a burst of excitement failed? Do the civs not know how to use the XCOMs we’re literally handing them?

Is this yuri?

…Well, one civ knows what to do with those XCOMs, alright. Goguryeo sweeps through northern Africa, demolishing Ndongo-Matamba while somehow leaving the Alaouites alive. And hey, look at that! Alaouite XCOMs! Now I bet you didn’t think you’d see that today.

The European islands are resettled, including what’s improbably the first city on Majorca of the entire game. The Faroes have forces here, but they’re too scattered to really make any headway.

Seeing Africa being united under an unstoppable orange tide feels… strangely nostalgic, doesn’t it?

In the Indian Ocean, XCOMs may not be made for the seas… and yet they’re still probably one of the best amphibious units in the game. Go figure.

Three turns pass, and Ndongo has almost been wiped off the continent.

I said three turns pass, and Ndongo has almost been wiped off the continent. Big Bend’s their final mainland city, but there’s another city out there somewhere, as this isn’t their capital…

Meanwhile… yeah, clearly the other nations have realized what’s about to befall them and aren’t even bothering to put on a show. I can’t blame them. But I’m still disappointed.

Africa is united under one banner… only kidding, we can see on the minimap that New Holland have actually carved out a decent chunk of West Africa. As for Ndongo, their final city is clearly camping out in the Antarctic just to the southwest.

Not for long though, as that’s taken too, leaving Ndongo in a Chagos city they founded only a few turns ago. NopeCopter, look away now.

And there goes Ndongo-Matamba in fourth place.

I actually really enjoyed Africa this season. There were a number of civs I really found myself rooting for - Kanem-Bornu, Mogadishu, Sierra Leone and these fellas, probably a hangover from me liking Nzinga all the way back in CBR Mk. II. While recording I did feel like they were edging Sierra Leone, and so wasn’t as surprised as stats-watchers were when they successfully united the continent come total war. A great showing from them, and I can’t wait to see Nzinga come back in CBRX8.

The duelling North American powers finally actually bring forces to bear, though they honestly look like they’ll cancel each other out. Poor Ohio.

Ecuador? Really? Who is Moreno bribing? Or perhaps the question should be: who isn’t Moreno bribing?

A messy three-way war breaks out for Quebec, though I don’t suppose the Faroes are really in it. I am starting to sense the Yellowknife advantage that I presumed would be there from day 1 on this front.

Oh come on; you didn’t seriously think an episode this chock full of cameos would be complete without Gregor MacFuckingGregor, did you? That said, I don’t think now is the time to be reinvesting in beachfront real estate. Those beaches have been bombed enough times the sand’s probably turned to glass. Tecumseh’s back too. Just in time to play as himself in Civ 7.

Somehow, Australia is still almost completely empty. It beats me. We’ve hit T1100, anyhow. It’s at this point I am expecting a terminal crash, any minute.

It’s incredible to think that the west Greenlandic coast was completely destroyed last episode, and now it boasts a city of 62 population. And that’s all I’ve got on that one.

I remain somewhat clueless as to what they’re doing in Brazil. Clearly everyone’s still too busy celebrating the big Osars win for I’m Still Here. I’ve heard it’s a really good movie, to be fair.

Well! Isn’t this just the episode that keeps on giving? Power Rankers, it’s not too late to change your official position on revivals. You can give Bora Bora the top 5 ranking that the people crave.

Gogurt have moved their mighty legions onto the brief Dutch West African colony, sniffing out Maurits’ transcontinental ambitions for what will likely be the last time.

Gogurt’s forces also pile into New Guinea, to claim another original capital for their collection. I’m not counting, but they must have well over half of them by now.

Not Dijon though, apparently. While sweeping through Africa, they left Europe open for some very modest Faroese gains. It will now be swiftly dealt with.

Aaaaand there’s what we were all waiting for. XCOMs begin to swarm into Canada. Now it’s just a race against time: can Gwanggaeto conquer the Cylinder before he overloads my machine?

Continental Europe is one city away from being totally under the Goguryeo banner. They do seem to be staying clear of Safi though, for some reason. It’s only Normandy, I guess.

The last bastion of Dutch Africa, Argir, is mere seconds away from falling, giving Gwanggaeto control over all of continental Eurasia-Africa if he can take both that and Safi.

And troops swarm into the final Old World continent, too. Akaitcho is drafting a letter to Gwanggaeto post-haste: “ggwp”.

These guys never stood a chance, but I would have liked to have seen one of them eat the other before being eaten by the biggest fish on the block. Ah well.

Goguryeo seizes the Faroese capital! Who needs Britain, eh? Well… you will need to take London if you want to officially win, Gwanggaeto, but this is a great start.

Cities are exchanged, nuked and liberated, with the Seneca being the newest civ to wipe the sleep from their eyelids and re-emerge in the blinding daylight of a thousand suns. It won’t be a long re-emergence.

Gwanggaeto conquers Safi, though the Eurasia-Africa sweep will have to wait as New Holland rebound in West Africa briefly. Meanwhile, Goguryeo swarms into Britain, uncontested.

For millennia, this continent was split east-west on the Palawa-Noongar line. Now it’s north-south, but only briefly, as Goguryeo tears through the bush.

An assault begins on California. Only South America remains untouched, and that wouldn’t have stayed peaceful for long, I’m sure…

…But as I grab a screenshot of the continued incursions into Alaska, the might of Goguryeo and the hubris of overloading the map with units catches up with me, and my game once again crashes. Reload attempts instantly fail, as expected. With the Faroes only barely clinging on, and with the assault on North America only just beginning, I do wish we could’ve gone just a little further. But fortuitously, Goguryeo had just completed their total takeover of Afro-Eurasia. They are unquestionably the largest civ we have ever seen on a full sized CBR map, and are the well-deserved champions of CBRX4.

Thank you so much to everyone for tuning in for another insane season. We really hoped to be able to finish this game properly for the first time in history, and the data we’ve gathered from this attempt will really help us out next time, but I’m still so proud to say that a 61 Civ Battle Royale has, for the first time, been confidently won in a single cycle. Thank you to all our narrators, power rankers, content makers, patrons and readers; we wouldn’t be here without you. CBRX5 is already in pre-production, and we’ll have our first ballot announcements coming very, very soon.

As a final, parting note… zoom in on the minimap. Do you see what I see? Right there in the Pacific? Perhaps this was a good time to crash the game after all.

See you all soon. Lacs out.