Episode 7: Coalitions, Confusion, Conflict, Cold, and Construction – S5

So, uh… Hello. Welcome to another exciting episode of the Civ Battle Royale! Your narrator for today is Boki (u/anarcho-balkan on reddit) and… I’d like to once more apologize for doing the bit with fake joke leaks that aren’t actually leaks in the Discord every time I narrate an episode. I have officially retired this bit. I’m still considering whether or not to make a new bit of posting links to yt vids containing music I listened to while narrating, but that’s for future me to worry about. For a time, because I was so worried I might repeat the old bit to everyone else’s annoyance and irritation, I seriously considered skipping applying to narrate during this season completely, but ultimately limited that skip to just the first batch. Once more, apologies for all that and also sorry for taking too long to explain myself here, and onto the other introductory scenes.

Shown here is Sonicfan0511’s amazing map, detailing the civs in an artistic yet tile-accurate manner. Great work as always. Soak up all the info this map presents, for it will never be the same again.

Our other OC of the week is this comic, courtesy of Lasqueto, showing the forward-settling shenanigans of southeastern South America. Also featuring a reference to some convo from years ago in a Civsphere server I’m not in. A reference that ultimately led to Emmie, the guy who posted Lasqueto’s comic to the sub, also creating the bvreact tag on the Discord. EXCUSE ME I WAS EXPECTED TO KNOW THIS?

That aside, also make sure to check out Orange’s weekly comic about the religions of this Season. Available on both the sub and the discord.

Thank you to all the Ko-Fi donors for making past seasons, this season, and hopefully future seasons of this possible. The number of perks donors get has been increased lately, so make sure to check those out on the site or through the various announcement posts on the sub if you’re interested in learning what those are.

The biggest change in the rankings has been the Kipchaks, falling 19 places due to their two front war, but I’d like to shine the spotlight on the biggest rise in the rankings, that being the Papal States, rising 9 places. They are in a good spot to take Baalbek from Phoenicia, but are otherwise a pretty middling civ. I also just like this little comic Iris made about it.

Now, onto the show!

And our first action scene of the episode brings us back to one of the wars of the previous episode, the Hanseatic-Estonian War. Or should it be the Estonian-Hanseatic War, since Estonia’s the aggressor? Whatever. Estonia has retaken Rostock… I was unaware Hansa even retook it last episode. Well, whatever. Despite the paucity of Estonian land units around Rostock, I say it looks more securely Estonian than last time. Estonia, has a slight naval advantage on the slide and an undisputed naval dominance on the frontline. The only two Hanseatic units in range of Rostock are two ranged units, one of which is near dead, and both of which are stuck south of the Nieman. Not that Estonia is doing that much better with land unit positioning around Rostock, as only 4 units are even on the right side of the Daugava, 1 of which is next to Tartu, but still. There may be some hope for Estonia following in the footsteps of Lithuania and Latvia yet.

Green Ukraine ends their war with the Itelmen, having only Avacha and the space they used to settle Iman to show for it. Green Ukraine has a solid core, but they struggled in this war far more than they should’ve. Nevertheless, a minor, even disappointing win is still a win, and Green Ukraine at least isn’t looking too shabby.

I imagine the Itelmen probably feel kindof like how Finland felt after the Winter War.

The two Pacific skippers of this season go to war with each other as Chono DOWs Rapa Nui. They do have plenty of ships, but it remains to be seen whether Chono can navigate or even is willing to navigate the coastal waters necessary to send enough troops to Anakena to attack. Does the Chono colony in Papua even have troops? Because if so then the DOW could be explained by Chono trying to contest Bunuba’s attempt to take Hanga Piko. But if no, then it seems likely that this will be a waste of time and resources, a la the Caral-Rapa Nui War, which had just ended

Well, I guess that answers my question. Rapa Nui gifted Hanga Piko to Caral in the peace treaty. What the shit, Hotu Matu’a? And you can’t even use the excuse that you wanted Bunuba’s siege to become Caral’s problem because Bunuba barely even damaged the city, like c’mon. As for Quellón, yeah, they have a spearman, but that would’ve been outnumbered by the units Hanga Piko had before the city gift. So if anything, Chono would’ve been more likely to lose Quellón to Rapa Nui than to gain Hanga Piko from it. But they would’ve been even more likely to achieve nothing and just watch as Bunuba took Hanga Piko instead. But no. Rapa Nui decided the city is Caral’s problem now.

As Wassolou declares an irrelevant war on Phoenicia off-screen, Xaragua completes the Pantheon in Yaguana, earning extra culture and an extra great work of art slot. The info sheet gives this wonder a 2/10 rating for Battle Royale usefulness

Yes, I needed to reference my current obsession, the AFOAE/AFOW:RC mapping series, even once, at least in the way of plagiarizing an episode title from that as a scene title here.

Anyway, Cebu joins the war on Ryukyu on Lanfang’s side, probably looking to take Nakijin before Lanfang gets to it. I mean, they do share a religion already, so might as well, right? They should still take care though, as they will also have to deal with Ryukyu in the north as well. Luckily for them, the Ryukyuan navy appears non-existent, and a Lanfang fleet is patrolling the east coast of Taiwan, and there’s a Cebuano trireme in the Taiwan Strait already.

Circassia and Phoenicia, both civs that have been exceeding expectations so far, now find themselves at war as Ismail Berzeg decides it’s time Hiram gets knocked off his pedestal. Immediately, a Circassian Caspian trireme is knocking down the defenses of Sarepta, and although the ship will definitely die before Sarepta falls into the red, it’s still softening up a potential target for the concentration of Circassian land units around Khadzhokh. Sarepta is better defended by a lake and random Ethiopian and Hyksos scouts than it is by Phoenician units. Byblos is arguably even worse, with only a single spearman in defense, with the frontline against Khadzhokh manned by settlers and workers. The terrain on both cities does provide obstacles to the Circassians tho - hills towards Sarepta and river crossings towards Byblos. Still, the situation isn’t looking too good for Phoenicia here. I have serious doubts even their new general, Skenderbeg, would be enough to sway the war in Phoenicia’s favour.

As Rouran makes an irrelevant DOW on Pakistan, we watch the first major action of the Second Phoenician-Ma’in War, as a duo of Phoenician biremes finally manages to capture Nashaq (is it Na-shaq or Nas-haq?). There is no Ma’in unit to capture the city currently, but there’s an undamaged spearman several tiles away that could potentially get to it in the near future. Add to that that Phoenicia hasn’t really sent anything to reinforce the city, and it appears they’re gonna have as if not even more a difficult time holding it as Ma’in is gonna have retaking it.

Over to the side, Mysore appears to be targeting Uruk. I don’t like their chances tbh.

Taizong has declared that Tang would henceforth be a monarchy, surprising absolutely no one. Hopefully he’ll be similar to otl.

As Teotihuacan ends their irrelevant war with Anishinaabe and their quasi-relevant war with Xaragua off-screen, we pan over to Bunuba, who has just completed the Great Wall. Providing culture and great engineer points, as well as slowing down enemy troops in Bunuba’s territory before the invention of Dynamite, this is a better wonder than the Parthenon, with a 5/10 rating.

Pomo and Tlingit make peace, and Tlingit keeps Behe’pal in the peace deal. Tlingit further expands its control over the Pacific Northwest, while pushing our favourite basketmakers inland. In case the scene title didn’t clue you in, as a fan of both civs, I have highly mixed feelings about this.

To celebrate their victory, the Tlingit build the Colossus in Dzantik’i Héeni. This wonder provides extra gold, culture and great merchant points, an extra trade route, a free cargo ship, and additional gold and destinations for trade routes. Not as good as the Great Wall tho, with a 4/10 rating.

Portugal has started dealing damage to Amiens. João might actually be able to make gains against Max- wait what’s that? It’s Grace O’Malley with a steel chair!

Yes, indeed, Umhaill, unwilling to tolerate any naval rivals nearby, DOW’d Portugal before they can get too powerful, and outflanked their invasion of France by sea. Due to most of the Umhaill fleet being back in the isles and due to a Scottish trireme causing a traffic jam of those on the continent, it’s unlikely they can capture Porto just yet, but they should at least be able to distract the Portuguese from Amiens long enough that the French can reorganize their defenses.

Bangladesh DOWs Pakistan, grumbling something about being genocided in a past life, forgetting there’s a Mysore in the way.

In the War of the Maravi Coalition, Ethiopian horsemen are descending down the highlands to raid the Maravi countryside and attack Mbewe, Ma’in isn’t contributing jack shit, Seychelles is providing ranged support to the Ethiopians, and Luba is making small ineffectual raids towards Mankhamba. Highlighted at Victoria is the newest Seychellois general, Naresuan.

New South Wales DOWs Bunuba, and their fleet immediately descends on Jijidu. They’re joined by some Kiphak mercs, as we can see from the Tarkhan UU. No one has settled Uluru yet, but it appears NSW might be trying to change that. Their settler, at least, has moved out of their borders, which isn’t something Bunuba can boast of.

Speaking of the Kipchaks, they’re being invaded on two fronts. Sarai is being besieged by the Bactrians, while the Vyatkans are crossing the Ural river in multiple directions.

Nanzan is being harassed by some Cebuano triremes, but I really doubt they’ll get anywhere with that… How the fuck did that Cebuano warrior get there?

Meanwhile, in a war I completely forgot was happening, Tang is committing to an invasion of Ryukyu’s continental domains. Naha and Nanzan’s countryside is being raided, but not much has been done to the cities themselves.

Lanfang, Cebu and Tang have sent or are sending a combined naval task force to attack Ryukyu’s very capital at Shuri, but the city is yet to take damage.

I would comment on the highlighted Marc-Josephe Marion du Fresne, but I’m pretty sure Nirosat already did so last episode.

Bunuba settles Mindi Rardi on Java. A holiday getaway to be as far away from NSW as possible no doubt

Guaycuru settles Jesús María on the Falklands/Malvinas, and have another settler in San Martín del Tabacal seemingly ready to go. Potiguara tries to stay ahead by sailing their settler south to find more land down south.

Just because the war between them is over doesn’t mean the Tlingit and Pomo aren’t competing still. Their settlers continue ranging north for new colonies to settle. Tlingit got 3 settlers on the move here, and Pomo 1. They’ve already settled Ka’tuuli, and are looking to expand further northeast, but the Tlingit also got a settler in the area.

Umhaill appears to be eyeing the icy environs of Greenland, looking to settle a city there. Let’s see how that works out.

Bangladesh declares itself a republic. They also have some settlers making their way through the Tibetan plateau

Estonia has settled Rakvere right in the middle of Kalmar Scandinavia.

Meanwhile the Bjarmi are actually descending with a large mixed force on Vassa, and have brought it to just-over-half health. Could they actually capture the city this time?

Speaking of potential captures, Estonia’s fleet has brought Bremen into the red, but it’s still up in the air over whether they can capture the city. They sure as shit ain’t keeping it. Simultaneously, Rostock is in even deeper red, with a spearman and a horseman attacking it over the Nieman river.

It’s telling that, of the three potential city-captures in this slide, it’s the one that’s least damaged that I’m most optimistic about.  

Instead of attacking Baalbek head on, Julius decides it’s smarter, if more time-consuming, to blockade it instead. Any naval unit approach is blocked off by a Papal fleet and some stray neutral ships - Hyksos, Aures, Wallachian. The only way for Hiram to reinforce Baalbek is via amphibious land troops coming in via Sidon.

Well, pack it up, boys, gals, enbies, and fluids, because Ryukyu is fucking doomed. Japan has just DOW’d them and already a combined Lanfang-Japanese-Cebuano armada is besieging Shuri, which, while still in green, has suffered more damage than Nanzan. With Lanfang, Tang, Cebu and Japan all going down on them, there’s even a chance Ryukyu gets eliminated. Even if they don’t, they’ll be irreparably crippled. That settler can’t escape Taiwan even if it wanted to because the waters are now even more treacherous than they were.

While the Lanfang send more ships and embarked units through the South China Sea to reinforce the front in the Ryukyuan core, they also send a token land contingent to support an otherwise mostly Cebuano assault on Nakijin. Nakijin has better land defences than Tomari did, with mountain and jungle in addition to a river, but the only unit they have is a half-dead archer, and are much more exposed to a sea attack, one that the Cebuano ships and embarked units can take advantage of. Other than terrain, Nakijin’s strongest defense isn’t even Ryukyuan, but Bangladeshi - a scout occupying one of the only two land tiles from where the city can be attacked.

Off screen, Mysore and Sumer make peace.

Mysore and Sumer’s peace is now shown on screen, with the expected results of status quo ante bellum. We also see the new Sumerian city of Kish. Sumer also makes peace with two civs too far away to do anything about him - Hansa and Wallachia. Right on cue, Eannatum gotta head back home to bang his hot Sumerian wife.

Interesting to see where the religious boundary between Pesedjet and Sunni currently is.

Spearthrower Owl was evidently offended by two Yanomami settlers right on the borders of the canal city of Cholula, and made the sensible choice to DOW. A Teotihuacano trireme is already halfway to drowning the embarked one of them, while a warrior drew first blood on a spearman. Nevertheless, I feel like Spearthrower Owl didn’t position his army and fleet properly to start this war. Despite the jungle, narrow approach, the river, and the hilly terrain, I can’t help but feel like Cholula is a bit exposed. Yanomami will struggle to squeeze the units into the city, but idk, I think they can capture it. If I was Spearthrower Owl, I’d be sending those Kipchak mercs (jeez, those guys really are everywhere), the Canine Warrior at Pa’chan, and the triremes at Hix Witz to Cholula pronto, and reinforce them with further units further back after that. I don’t see Teotihuacan making much progress in this war unless they bulk up their navy to strike at Yehiopateri, but even then they’ll struggle to maintain it.

Rapa Nui makes peace with Bunuba and also didn’t suffer any damage from the Chono war yet. They celebrate by sending another settler out… east. Uh… Hotu Matu’a, Polynesia is in the other direction. South America is pretty much filled up already.

I forgot how extensive the Anishinaabe-Onondaga border was. Look at all those units too. Anishinaabe also settled Saginaw. They also showcase their UU, the Midew, an Inquisitor replacement which might as well be a normal Inquisitor in a battle royale because the only unique thing it does is city-states-related.

Ethiopian cavalry, supported by both Ethiopian and Seychellois ranged units, is attacking Mbewe. Further south, some confused combat is going on between some Maravi and Ethiopian units in the East African countryside. Glacis is being attacked by two Maravi triremes, but I doubt that’ll go anywhere.

Oh, it seems like the Teotihuacano DOW was just the beginning of a coalition, as Xavante also DOWs Yanomami. The front here is much wider, and Xavante appears to have better concentrated their units, if only slightly. Maybe between the two of them, the Teotihuacanos and Xavante might take a couple cities off Yanomami.

Hansa retook Rostock off-screen, and Estonia responds by… making peace and gifting Rakvere… Goddammit, Estonia, and I was really hyping you up earlier this episode…

Elsewhere, while Vassa’s health has only further declined, the situation looks much more even then it did just a bit ago… Also wtf is that trireme off Aarhus doing. Also wait, Turku has a sliver of damage? When’d the Bjarmi get there?

Here we see the Rouran Khaganate in all its glory, together with the eastern stretches of the Ket lands. The Ket have a much denser army than the Rourans do. The Rourans have settled Ulansuhai Nur since we were last here tho, and have another settler out.

Also there are two settlers here, an Itelmen one stuck between the two empires, and the long-travelled famous Pegu settler.

Aures has adopted the monarchy government type, which gives as an excuse to look at the Sahara.

Many cities have already been settled across the Sahara, mostly by Aures and Wassolou, but there are still settlers out trying to claim some piece of land or another. Aures has 3 settlers out and another 2 heading out, Wassoulou 2 and 1, respectively, and even the Hyksos are trying to break out of their shell by hopefully settling an exclave in Libya

We zoom in on Copano where the Karankawa UU has been highlighted. I think it was already discussed in a previous episode, but as a refresher, the Dug-out is a Work Boat replacement which boosts combat and movement of units that start on the same tile and which transforms into a melee ship when attacked or when completing fishing boats

A Tarkhan has reached the Teotihuacano-Yanomami frontline, and that front appears stable despite the Yanomami numerical superiority. Already, the units between Yanomami’s two frontlines are thinning out. Still, the Xavante advance into Yanomami has been only slight and with lots of damage on both side’s units but none to cities. Observing the situation from the safety of the rear is great engineer Anthonis von Obbergen

Chono just decided to get serious with their DOW, sending a number of triremes to attack Anakena. Rapa Nui is now in a very difficult situation, but I still am not sure if the triremes sent would be enough.

Despite losing the naval support, Portugal hasn’t given up on their Amiens ambitions. In fact, they have decreased its health significantly, although it’s still in the green. That being said, Umhaill has done even more damage to Porto, and they hold a slight advantage over the Portuguese fleet here, and have an easier avenue for naval reinforcements. They’re probably gonna struggle with capturing and especially maintaining a city though

Turku has healed, but the Bjarmi have brought Vassa down to the red, but have blocked their own nearest melee units from attacking the city with their ranged units. We also sight the Bjarmi UU near their capital and largest cities - the Ashen Slayer. It’s a Composite Bowman replacement which farms Golden Age Points from kills and gains extra range from adjacent enemy naval and civilian units dying. Metal

The second city exchange of the Anti-Maravi Coalition War happens as Ethiopia, with Seychellois support, captures Mbewe. Glacis has mostly healed from the ongoing Maravi naval attacks.

Japanese and Cebuano ships bring Shuri into the deep red. Turn order will decide which one of them gets the Ryukyuan capital. Meanwhile, a Lanfang fleet and a Tang spearman, with moral support from a Cebuano warrior, siege Nanzan. Tang chariot archers, spearmen and forbidden guards raid the Naha countryside. It’s never been more over for Ryukyu.

If there were any Ryukyu fans hoping for a miracle here, sorry to disappoint, but Nakijin’s state is even more desperate than Shuri’s. Cebuano ships and a spearman are besieging the city on multiple sides, while Lanfang horsemen are striking from the south. It lost all its defenders too. It’s only a matter of time.

Meanwhile Pakistan declares an irrelevant war on Rapa Nui

Anakena has actually healed a bit from last we’ve seen it and there’s less Chono ships than before, however a new enemy enters the fray, as Ternate has just DOW’d Rapa Nui and they have exactly one (1) trireme in the right place at the right time to support the Chono war effort and, if lucky enough, snipe the prize. I wouldn’t bet on it tho.

Despite the rising number of Umhaill ships near it, Porto has actually healed somewhat since last time. By contrast, Amiens is now in the yellow. However, France has also damaged Aveiro slightly. Portugal’s own variant of the Caral Line Formation, employed in a mostly diagonal manner is proving… rather mixed in terms of efficiency.

The first capital to fall is, somewhat surprisingly given the first batch of episodes, but not so surprisingly given events earlier this episode, Shuri, and it was taken by Cebu of all civs. Sho Shin flees to Nanzan, but the city isn’t exactly looking good either. Yes, it has healed somewhat, but it’s still besieged and its countryside raided by 3 out of the 4 coalition members, with Lanfang and Cebu having ships outside and Tang and Cebu having troops in its countryside. Naha, despite having less defenders, a lower city defense, and more enemy units in its territory, may ironically be safer for the moment due to a lack of damage. Still, there’s a half-dead Cebuano trireme outside, and Tang chariot archers, forbidden guards and spearmen are raiding its countryside, with more of all these unit types + horsemen waiting at Baoji and Taiyuan. Cebu’s capture of Shuri also cock-blocks Japan, not completely, but still a great extent, narrowing their frontline with Ryukyu to just a narrow approach to Naha. One made even narrower by a neutral Green Ukrainian trireme just sitting in international waters there. Pls ignore the minimap and the notification in the upper part of the screen until next scene.

OK, now you may look. Ryukyu’s last Borean colony of Nakijin has also fallen, this time to Cebu, which means Lanfang’s dominance over its home island will stay contested for at least a bit longer still.

The NSW fleet outside Jijidu has been mostly sunk to the bottom of the Indian Ocean. Bunuba is actually on the offensive rn, sending a wedge of troops between Liverpool and George Town with… little effect. NSW also settled Sorell, meaning both Australian civs are now just one tile away from claiming Uluru. Bunuba, to demonstrate they’re not to be trifled with, immediately sets about occupying the new city’s countryside and setting up to attack it with a few units. No effect so far, but hey, we can imagine they’re just starting. I don’t like the fact NSW appears to have an offensive going on the eastern front though, with troops approaching Baraa.

Guaycuru is sending a bunch of troops and workers who knows where, while Potiguara is still sailing its little settler down south. Wait… are those borders of a thus far unseen Guaycuru city in Tierra del Fuego? Well, sucks for Potiguara’s and Chono’s settlers that were no doubt hoping to claim the spot. How’d Guaycuru’s settler there go unnoticed? Eh, whatever. We can’t see the city name, but I’ll try to pull up Guaycuru’s page on the Civ V Customization Wiki to try and predict the city name. [pause as I take about a quarter minute to find it] This should be the city of Nuevo Pilcomayo, but a later scene or potentially even future episode will be needed to confirm that.

In the meantime, we’re shown Chono’s second UU, the Dalca. It’s a work boat replacement with extra speed that also farms culture when expended next to a forest or mine. It also can (but doesn’t always) spawn a scout on adjacent land tiles. Scouts spawned this way can be expended on a city for food.  

Qara Khitai DOWs Pakistan, presumably trying to nab Peshawar. Peshawar’s defended only by a catapult, but I have my doubts about 4 spearmen advancing through a mountain pass with at least 1, possibly more, river crossings is gonna be enough to capture the city. But I guess we’ll see. Qara-Khitai will need to squeeze through the Kunlunshan Mountains and towards the Karakoram and Himalaya ranges to achieve permanent inroads - not exactly a good strat.

Tang’s core is looking pretty sparse in military units, with most of their troops being in the south, focusing on either conducting or serving as a reserve for the Ryukyu War. Most of the action in this slide is just Bangladesh conducting some trade with Tang while Mysore has settled Karwar, just out of sight of that Bangladeshi settler on the other side of the mountains.

Nanzan and Naha are both in the yellow now, with coalition forces battering at their gates. However, the number of coalition members that have units engaged at the frontline has dropped from 3 to 2, as Lanfang’s two ships in the Taiwan Strait were sunk and replaced by Tang ships, and Lanfang reinforcements, while approaching, aren’t there yet. Cebu is also providing only minimal support to Tang, with just one trireme and warrior each supporting either the siege on Nanzan or the raiding of its countryside, leaving Tang to do all the heavy lifting this scene. One thing’s for sure though, the odds aren’t in Ryukyu’s favour. And no, having a great admiral isn’t gonna save them now.

Bunuba settles Gurang Ngadja on what I believe to be Flores island. They’ve also recruited a new general at Yaranggi, Joseph Radetzky von Radetz. Hopefully, he can make minced-meat of NSW once he reaches the front line.

Herero and Ethiopia, the only members of the Maravi coalition to capture cities so far, make peace so as to better focus on their common foe.

Herero forces are attacking Tete, but it’s a weak effort so far. Hopefully they get better at it soon. Also, I think it’s safe to say that that Maravi settler at the Oranje river bank is a goner. How the fuck it hasn’t been captured yet beats me.

Luba is raiding Mankhamba’s countryside and also trying to advance via a narrow approach towards Manthimba. It’s… inefficient.

Seychelles is also sending some triremes down Maravi’s coast with… no real effect. Bruh, there’s no coastal city there. There is one south. A weak, newly-settled, ungarrisoned one. Makawana. You can capture Makawana.

The Warrior-Pope is living up to his moniker, as his earlier strategy of blockading Baalbek into submission appears to have worked. The Phoenicians, to give them credit, have managed to find gaps in the neutral ships and break through the Papal blockade, but too little, too late - a Papal trireme has sailed into the starved out Baalbek and captured the city. That being said, Phoenicia, has many, admittedly near-dead, biremes outside the city, and it’s not impossible that one of them could flip Baalbek back. I wouldn’t count on that lasting though.

Chono settles Mechor, putting more pressure on the isolated Guaycuru city presumed to be Nuevo Pilcomayo.

The Chono-Ternate fleet has brought Anakena deep into the yellow, and Chono is still sending more ships to reinforce. Could we be looking at an elimination this episode?

Tlingit settles Shgagwei on the Hudson Bay, potentially blocking off the ambitions of that Pomo settler there. The Cold War continues.

Bactria captures Sarai, and despite its low health, I don’t like the Kipchaks’ odds of recapturing the city. The Kipchaks’ box keeps getting smaller.

Mankhamba hasn’t had to deal with a serious attempt to capture it just yet, but raids on them are intensifying, with both Luba and Ethiopia sending units to harass them. It appears Maravi got so used to the city being raided without actually being attacked that they became complacent, leaving the city defended by just an admiral with no units, his only ship sailing up the Somali coast like it’s nobody’s business. Phil H. Bucklew is fucked if Ethiopia and/or Luba actually get serious. Or Seychelles. Pls the Seychelles.

Green Ukraine was evidently offended by the settle of Ulansuhai Nur, as they DOW’d Rouran and are now moving towards this new city.

Pegu settler watch still ongoing

NSW materialized a new fleet out of the Great Australian Bight and sent it to Western Australia where it captured Jijidu, whereas Sorell only suffered the tiniest sliver of damage. This is not good.

Ternate’s single trireme at Anakena has been sunk, and Chono has the completely understandable reaction (/s) of making peace with Rapa Nui and retreating all their ships from their territory. If their ally’s ship can be destroyed like that, imagine what Anakena can do to their ships!

Also, Cebu, having gained the best gains of the Ryukyu coalition, drops out of that war.

Cebu got to keep all their gains without any stupid city gifts from either side. Presumably, Cebu didn’t want to get too greedy for its own good and attract the wrath of their recent allies. Speaking of, Lanfang’s fleet has finally come to reinforce Tang’s naval attack on Nanzan, while Japan is trying to send a trireme to support the Tang push on Naha. Emphasis on trying to, because a Ket scout is in the way.

Nothing much appears to have changed on the Southern front of the Maravi war - Herero’s attacks are still mostly off screen, Makawana is still not attacked by that Seychellois fleet sitting off the Zambezi river mouth, Manthimba is safe from Luba’s attempts to squeeze through.

In the north however, things just might be getting interesting. Luba and Ethiopia are still just raiding Mankhamba’s borders, but Seychelles has sent a fleet to destroy Maravi’s small fleet in the area and hopefully start a tripartite assault on the city with the other nearby coalition members.

Seychelles also settled Cascade. Herero also peaces out with Wassoulou.

Speaking of peace, Kiphacks made peace with Bactria and Vyatka, only ceding the cities they’ve already lost anyway. This is still bad, as they’re getting further boxed in by their neighbours. Their only shot at long term relevance is being on the giving end, rather than the receiving one, of a coalition war.

The Kipchaks are already trying to rebound by sending some settlers through the gap within Ket up north, however they will need to play catch-up here. Ket and Vyatka have many cities in the region, the newest ones being Farkovo and Shestakov.

We finally get confirmation of the city’s name, and I was right, Nuevo Pilcomayo it is. Nice.

Ma’in DOWs Rapa Nui, which brings us to Hansa. They’re just kinda sitting there with their army and small navy here, Bremen and Rostock still recovering from the fires of the recent war. They seem to be attempting to find a settleable spot in Central Europe, but they’re gonna compete with the Pope for that.

Here we see the Ket in most of their glory, with multiple strong cities, a decent and large army, neighbours that lag behind them. They also settled a new city in Baklanikha

Green Ukraine’s attack on Ulansuhai Nur is yet to make any headway, but it does give as an excuse to look at their UGP, the Exiled Yesaul. It’s a great general replacement which can also be generated by great writer points and, if stationed in a city, transforms 10% of the culture from great works into tourism.

Aures has built the Petra, a wonder which provides extra culture (especially after inventing Archaeology), great engineer points, as well as extra food and production from non-flood-plained desert tiles in the city borders, an extra trade route, and a free caravan. It requires being built near a desert. Has a 7/10 rating for Battle Royale usefulness.

Elsewhere, the French had further damaged Aveiro into the lower green, but the Portuguese have successfully pushed them away. It seems they have, in turn, been pushed away from Amiens though.

NSW and Bunuba make peace, with NSW keeping Jijidu. This sucks.

Embracing their life on the wide open prairies of North America, the steppe of the New World, the Ponca have organized themselves as a nomadic horde.

Elsewhere, that Teotihuacano settler still hasn’t made up its mind over where to settle. They might not even be able to find a spot.

Wallachia DOW’d Ma’in, but can’t reach them, so we focus instead on Phoenicia’s wars against the Papal States and Circassia. Phoenicia’s attempt to retake Baalbek had floundered and the city looks more securely Papal. Meanwhile, the Circassians have made some progress in Anatolia, but haven’t damaged or even threatened any city yet.

Also, Hyksos settled Ghazzat on Crete.

I swear, Iberia gets more perplexing every time we look at it. Amiens is now in the red but there are no Portuguese units threatening it directly. Porto has healed near completely but Umhaill has brought over a truly big navy-army force to Portugal’s shore. Are they… Are they gonna try landing troops against Porto while their fleet attacks Lisbon?

Aures and Zazzau continue having their ineffectual war, as Kajuru has been slightly damaged, but Aures doesn’t look well positioned to take it, while some Zazzau units are attacking a Zenata Rider that’s escorting a settler. Speaking of settlers, Aures and Wassoulou both got a few out and about.

Bangladesh has just settled Mymensingh, and they got a very strong core army there. Yunnan and Pegu are pretty boxed in with nowhere to go. Mysore is doing Mysore stuff. Tang is sparse here, due to the Ryukyu War, and Qara Khitai is still trying to navigate the mountainous bottleneck toward Peshawar.

Speaking of Mysore doing Mysore stuff, they’ve settled Erode in Tamil Nadu and Hassan in Sri Lanka. Also, it seems like they and Pegu are in a race for the Andaman and Nicobar Islands.

Bunuba’s expansion into Indonesia isn’t gonna be uncontested, as Lanfang settled Shanzhudaya on east Java. Meanwhile, a few Bangladeshi triremes are bullying a Pakistani one off Mindi Rardi in what I believe is the first relevant engagement of the Bang-Pak War. Also, where’s NSW sending that settler?

Speaking of NSW, here’s most of their empire. Their army here is more sparse than I expected tbh. Whatever.

Idk I’ve just been sitting trying to think of things to say on this scene for a minute while vibing to some music from AFOAE Ep 12. Holy shit, I’m already at 12? I might actually finish the whole movie by the time I’m done narrating for the day.

Fresh off finishing another round of banging his hot Sumerian wife, Eannatum orders Che Guevara to organize an invasion of Ma’in. Yes, Sumer DOWs Ma’in, hoping to nab Nashan out of it. Ma’in, not to be outdone, is besieging Nashaq, but they forgot to bring melee units, meaning they’re gonna achieve fuck all.

Both the Teotihuacano-Yanomami front and the Xavante-Yanomami front appear at a stalemate. Davi Kopenawa has done well to defend its cities in a two front war, especially since Xavante appears to enjoy a numerical superiority. Still, Xavante may be gearing up for a new offensive, as they’ve brought a new general forward - Gnaeus Julius Agricola

In a bid to be relevant, Hyksos DOW’d Ma’in, evidently forgetting that Phoenicia owns Nashaq now. Their only contribution is probably gonna be helping Phoenicia against those two Ma’in archers.

Amiens has healed somewhat, Aveiro is in the yellow, Porto is fully healed, and France seems to have taken the initiative against Portugal. Things don’t look good for João II. Umhaill’s fleet is floating around, menacingly.

Tlingit sends two settlers out. For their army, they’ve hired the services of a veteran of a previous Battle Royale, Kamehameha I of Hawaii. Given Kamehameha’s track record in CBR Mk2, I don’t think they’re gonna achieve much outside of overflowing into other civs’ borders as peacekeepers. Until they betray their protectorate.

Wassoulou DOWs Tang, which gives us an excuse to look at them. They have a decent army in and north of their core, but their eastern exclave and their outpost city of Odienné are sparsely defended. They continue their Scramble for the Sahara against Aures, but space is running out fast. Which of the two civs will settle more space before there’s none left?

For our final scene of the week, we take another look at the final 2 Ryukyuan cities. Naha is in the black, with multiple Tang melee units approaching. Count on it being captured early next episode. To the south, Nanzan is deep in the yellow, with Tang units advancing on it overland and Lanfang ships bombarding it from the sea. You might want to start your read of next week’s episode with F keys primed.

And with that, I’ve been Boki. Thank you for having me and thank you for putting up with me for this episode. Check out the Ko-Fi if you can afford it, subscribe to Doc Ido if you somehow haven’t already. If you’re reading this from or got an audio-narration link through a certain other Discord I sent this to in order to advertise the Civ Battle Royale and its community to people outside of the community, join us on civbattleroyale.tv, on the r/CivBattleRoyale subreddit, and on the Civ Battle Royale Discord. And with all that, I bid you a good and happy time unit of your choosing. Until next time, Boki out.