Mk 2.1 Final Bow: Memories and Memorandum – MK2

Release Date:

December 18, 2018

Narrated by:

The CBR Community

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Hello everyone! LunarNeedle here on behalf of Blue Cassette to look back on all the memories we made; included is a grand eulogy of every fallen Civ and a super quick view on how Brazil managed to defy fate and challenge the Orange Ryk and succeed where all others have failed. The Green Menace, once on the edge of losing to the pirate hoard that dominated South America, took each and every capital in the world from Greenland to New Zealand. But, considering this is a memories episode, let’s see the path that that Pedro walked on his way for global domination.

2

Way back when the world was full of life, was the very first war dropped by Leonidas of Sparta; angered by the brazen forward settle, something that would become more prevalent later. Leonidas was amazing an army while likely Rome were constructing buildings. Remember this, this pattern of production will come back later with more dangerous consequences.

3

Despite the first war being over Cumae being settled in the face of Sparta, it would be another risky forward settle of Neapolis to be the first city flip of the Royale. We could see Brazil be at their weakest now with any factors being capable of altering fate, and altering who would hold the trophy. But alas, they survive...

4

...A fate not given to Rome, as their forward settles created hateful neighbours, allowing even Carthage to seize Roman clay as the empire fell. This area would become incredibly hotly contested for the duration of the game. Of note in this slide: Yakutia in Siberia are very large, Boer’s are beginning to amass troops for an eventual Kongo invasion and some powers are beginning to project power. But who would come out on top in the shuffle?

5

Considering the high naval bias, and the overall long border, it would take a modernized Boer army to recognize the weakness of Kongo to capitalize. Something that would help ascend them past the ranks of the others. In other words, now was the time for any of their heavily militarized neighbours like Ethiopia to take a strike, something Haile Selassie would do when it was far too late to resist.

6

It would be far too late to resist the Boer’s at this point. Possessing a rather immense infrastructure bonus, they turned the useless tiles around their many cities into hubs of production and food. It would be this, along with the high overall prioritisation of production that would aid Boer’s ascension past the mortal nations around them. Of note: Finland has began to take advantage of the Huns capacities to raise cities and the USSR’s prioritizations of the useless snow cities to settle border gore to the east of Russia proper. This would be the first taste of border gore for Urho Kekkonen. Something he would carry for the remainder of the game.

7

The Boer’s sweeped past the Mali in one part, and would take a few more parts to secure a stable hold onto East Asia despite Henry Morgan's refusal to give up the key coastal ports. It would be the later strength provided by key wonders like Skynet that would encourage Boer’s to challenge the seen number two in the world; Vietnam. People had already called the game for Boer’s by this point. We were just waiting for the credit roll… Right?

8

It would be a plague spreading over the Boer Ryk that would begin to choke the beast from the inside as outdated units flooded the lands, chugging turn times and halting production, causing the front to stop right before Asia proper. This would be as far as the Boers would be allowed to go. It would be a few turns of total peace, where the units stationed in his lands thanks to a open border agreement would disappear, flung to the far reaches of the world. Was this just a vacation, or were they scoping out their future lands?

9

With the drop of a gauntlet and powerful allies, it would be this war declaration that would finally wound the beast, where all the Boer’s gains against Vietnam would evaporate and the hotly contested coastline of East Asia would see a new challenger approach the gates, taking all of Mali’s old land, beginning to bear down on the Boer Ryk. The machine turning out units would not stop, as is given a directive to keep on producing Biotroopers and Paratroopers until the end.

10

The grip was truly shown when with a snap of his fingers, a seemingly mundane war declaration meant the end of Sweden’s painfully earned gains. It would be this menace forcing the peace of Sibir and Iceland against Sweden, but Brazil does not do such gifts without a price. It would take two parts for all of Sweden’s European holdings to become green. There was now two footholds on Boer’s front door full of troops. The result, well...

11

Sixty-nine turns later, the king of the Royale, the since truely undefeated champion of the Royale took a mortal blow to the core as he lost all of his Middle Eastern holdings, and enough of Africa to lose his capital. Of the ashes of the Boer Ryk gave birth to a new God, and this God had one goal, total domination. It would be Inuit; the undisputed second place world power now that Boer’s are out the picture; that would be the next to fall with startling precision. Thanks to Buccaneers nuclear assault onto south North American coastland, it wouldn’t take long for the Inuit capital to fall. By this point, it was obvious. The Green Lands in Europe and the Middle East were beginning to be full of modern infantry and XCOMs; it would be mere moments before Brazil pointed at people and killed them with the same devastation that the Inuit witnessed. The call was given from Nebuchadnezzar himself. Commence total war. It’s time to test the new God.

12

Over one hundred turns later, it would be every single empire collapsing against the Carnival, a culture focused base game Civilization, to take every other capital. This would be the final breath of competition as the crown and cup were given to the world's next god. Nebuchadnezzar, like you, waited years to see the worlds conclusion. And through rebirth and change, the world remained turning. This was it. This was Brazil's destiny.

13

Oh Brazil, you were once deemed to be too lazy to defeat the Inca, a war that would last for majority of the game with no conclusion, and who would eventually be taken and conquered by the Buccaneers. You were brought to your knees and were considered dead when you declared war with the Orange Containment Project. Yet you survived, with your wall of cyber subs and paratrooper units. People were so amazed when you captured a city in east Africa for a series of turns against the Boer’s. Little did they knew, this would be the future as your green carpet spread over the world. Many others perished before you, and yet you survived. Godspeed, Emperor Pedro! You are Nebuchadnezzar’s sole survivor.

14

The reason, as demonstrated by /u/edse1991, was your desire to build units over all. As Buccaneers partied on their flotilla of carriers, you amassed soldiers. While the Boers and Vietnam were fighting each other, you amassed more soldiers. While Sibir and Vietnam wasted the turns away in the mountains in pursuit of a large empire, you cultivated units. And now that the world is on fire and no one is left, they have the audacity to ask for mercy? Memes aside, it was this reason the game was over. There were so many units wasting away in pointless wars, while Pedro just sat and waited until his army choked the life out of his neighbors, and executed his decree that all cities are Brazilian territory. And like a sword, his units swayed by the unwavering influence of their leader, marched onwards to their death. They, not Pedro, won the war. Each and every citizen of Brazil was sacrificed for the greater good. They were the true heroes.

Now now, instead of talking about how Brazil defied the odds and challenged a God and won, we need to talk about those who fought valiantly for their cause and failed their quest. Written by the CBR community under incredibly tight time restraints, the final eulogies. Take it away!

15

“The Zamburaks of Afghanistan were sadly not enough in Mk. 2. The impressive showing of Mirwais Hotak in Mk. 1 was so phenomenal, that is just what it was. A Phenomenon. Although Afghanistan held in Kabul with two other cities protecting it from a meatgrinder of different civs, it was not until the Sibirian Hordes and the Vietnamese descended on what was originally a top 10 civilization that the Graveyard of Empires became its own Graveyard. Regardless, we cannot help but be impressed by this civilization. They grew beyond their means, reaching every mountainous region of Asia and becoming one of the largest civilizations in the early game. Even later on, Afghanistan was still a large enough power to contend with its rivals, like Persia.

A secret fan favourite, Afghanistan will live on in our hearts as a civilization that could have done so much more, but did too little for it to matter. Perhaps in a distant mark, we can see the other Afghanistan take a shot at it, and maybe we can get the Afghani domination that we had all been seeking. Rest Easy, Mirwais Hotak.” - jmangelo67

16

“America, you great unfinished symphony, you sent for me. And unfinished America was. Having only stretched to central North America with brief grasp of the harsh marshes of Florida and food rich Great Lakes, it was never really on Lincoln’s side. He was pincered by the ocean bearing Buccaneers denying meaningful ocean expansion and the aggressive Canadians bearing down on bereft American armies with great impudence, sending your ebony ashes of you empire to the shore, as you rose to the stars to meet your creator. Your valiance was beautiful, and your rise to hold onto Cincinatti ten parts later was beautiful. Regardless of anything, you always waved the flag of Freedom. God speed, Abraham Lincoln. You shaped the history of the Inuit, Canada and the entire game. F.” - LunarNeedle

17

“Some civs seem really boring until you look into them in more detail, and can chart their journey more thoroughly. Arabia is not one of those nations. Their first foray into global relevance was losing Baghdad to Persia, a loss that most people predicted would eventually be reversed - and never was. Instead, Arabia warred with the Ayyubids and Israel, neither to much effect. Eventually, most shots of the Arabian peninsula were of the strange territory of Batticaloa, a Sri Lankan-founded city that turned surprisingly Finnish (and remained so against all odds for most of history). Their starting location certainly influenced their lack of opportunities - Mecca was a sizeable city, but their other towns were underfed desert settlements. One day, Arabia turned another shade of green - at least, that's how fast it seemed to most readers, as Ethiopia declared war on Arabia and completely defeated them almost instantaneously, in what was the most efficient use of paratroopers seen up to that point. Later, most of the cities they founded would be blown into smithereens by Boer and Vietnamese nukes. A fitting coda, really.” - Lacsirax Ariscal

18

“On paper, Perón did terribly - the first civ to die on their continent, and no major wins to speak of. But Argentina were virtually cornered from the start, with a start that necessitated a thin empire of spread out cities, wedged between the roomier homelands of Brazil, Chile and the Inca. They even squeezed a city into Guyana, but the Buccs made short work of Parana. Argentina were an active co-participant in the never-ending wars between Brazil and Inca, even taking the Inca city of Machu momentarily. But Brazil responded to this by declaring war on Argentina themselves, and Chile followed suit. Sandwiched between two larger powers, Argentina was completely doomed, and soon the only lingering legacy of Peron's reign was the irritatingly misspelt city of “Neeuquen” - and another super-volatile border, this time between Brazil and Chile.” - Lacsirax Ariscal

19

“The Yang to Finland's Yin, Armenia had accomplished so much when it was still relevant. Originally ordained to be a bottom feeder, Armenia made one move that made it jump in the rankings with the chance of success: It settled south. Then all of Armenia's fans, few in number they may have been, rejoiced. The civilization had killed Israel twice, had practically killed the USSR, and was very close to killing off Finland even though Armenia itself was down to its last city.

The Enclavia to Finland's Exclavia. The last stand in Gaza was pitiful, but let us not forget that this civilization bruised its way to the center of the power rankings on more than one occasion. And even when Armenia was down to three cities, people still knew it was possible for Armenia to throw a few more punches before dying. Bravo, Tiridates III” - jmangelo67

20

“The poor man of Africa was the first of them to go,

In an awkward position by Mali and Kongo

A delight to watch, using their workers as scouts

They settled effectively, expanding their way out

The sound of the drums signalled a call to war

Came a terrible event that had never happened before

The city was torched, a first in this world

And as more nations attacked, the Ashanti just furled

Though victory blessed them, at the start of the campaign

By turn 126, they had stopped making gains

A three-way war is quite hard to win

And the poor old Ashanti began to cave in

Morocco finished them, with their capital to take

But they managed to survive in a small Boer lake

In the name of the failed hope of West Africa

One last drum-roll, please

Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr” - Maineroadfan

21

“Having been a fan of the Maori at the start and a Vietnam supporter more recently, Australia was always a bit of a boogeyman, but it’s hard not to respect them. Sure, Parkes got a bad rap from the sub after seeing multiple continental invasions fall apart in the Americas and Vietnam - but at least Australia was playing to win, taking down their neighbors with ruthless efficiency, keeping a unit carpet at all times (hello Boers) and remaining at war almost constantly. And throughout it all they never left humanity behind, marching their good ol’ diggers through the streets as other nations descended into scientific travesty.

Brazilian green may have replaced Australian green, but Australia was undeniably the first cultural superpower, spreading the good word of Autocracy to all the nations of the cylinder. Well, relevant nations (sorry Tibet). And their initial success in the last war with ‘Nam was an early demonstration of the power of peacekeeper invasions.

Plus they outlived every nation that ever beat or mocked them, so that helps. And “all of southern New Zealand” is a pretty badass last city. Ka Ora!” - paddywagon_man

22

“Ahh (or should I say Ayy?) the Ayyubids. They could've been a true force were it not for Israel blocking their religion, leading to what was probably the most famous religion to observers with their 24-hour Party Pope, although he and his religion never really took off on the cylinder itself. In power playing fashion they founded Dvin right on the Suez canal, leading to much delight within the fandom but they never really capitalized on it. Just as Israel blocked them with their religions, Ethiopia blocked them. Period. That's not saying they weren't a force to be reckoned with at some point. Around part ~20 they were probably the stongest northern African civ, what with Morroco merely being involved in land skirmishes and Carthage being run by Hannibal.” - abkagd

23

“Crowfoot you magnificent bastard. You led your people admirably, even when you weren’t considered a realistic threat. Often believed to be one of the weakest in North America, you became an underdog that everyone could route for. From your victorious annihilation of Mexico, your countless beautiful 420 no scope snipes, to your resurrection of Sitting Bull (twice), you were a fan favorite who stood the test of time. And although you road your buffalo off into the sunset, you’ll always have a place in our hearts.” - Dawkinzz

24

“Paul Kruger was more than a man. He was a god, once. In his cybernetic grip, he steered the Boer Ryk to unimaginable heights. Once only a small agrarian people, threatened by regional powers such as the Zulu and the Congolese, the Boers steadily grew stronger and more advanced with every conquest. Never will the world forget the sudden annihilation of the Ethiopians, or the valiant defense against multiple world leaders during the Orange Containment Projects. They were truly destined for greatness, and the Skynet Singularity made them a force to be feared worldwide. If I had been told 30 parts ago that the CBR would be ending soon in a global conflict, I would've bet my bottom dollar on the Boers coming out on top.

Sadly, the Boers's time-tested tactic of defending and growing left them shockingly ill-prepared for the threat of Brazil. The fall of Pretoria was the moment we all knew that there was no chance for recovery. Reducing this once-mighty empire to a single Antarctic outpost, and then leaving them to rot for years before finally finishing them off, was nothing less than a slap to the face. From South Africa to the Iberian Peninsula to the Middle East and India, the Boers in their height deserved nothing less than the #1 spot in the power rankings, week after week. There was once a time where many began to ask: “Why can't we just end the game now and declare the Boers the victors? No one could possibly compete against them!” But all was for naught. And so, for Paul Kruger, we remember: the game isn't over, until it's over.” - Captain Bohemian

25

“Henry Morgan once led a pirate crew that stretched from FloridARRRRR to the northern half of South America, and spanned from PanamARRRRR to West AfricARRRRR and the former home of Maria the Mad. He was a legend in this world, even being Pedro’s equal during some earlier moments in the game. But, once Pedro sold his magnanimous soul, Morgan’s empire slowly began to crumble. However, despite Morgan having enemies all around him, he never gave up his home islands. That is, until the true War to End All Wars arrived. All of the preparation that was made for a final battle between Morgan and his old adversary seemed to be for nothing, as the final Buccaneer holdings were taken over by the Carnival in the blink of an eye. Honestly, Pedro must have offered the Buccs all the rum they could ever want in exchange for total domination. Sadly, even Henry Morgan himself fell under the spell of the Carnival, as the final Buccaneer city of La Habana was placed under Brazilian control after Morgan’s first taste of Brazilian rum. Rumors quickly spread that Pedro even let Morgan host his own personal Carnival, where the drunken pirate would never stop partying with his crew. Even if Morgan would want it to stop, there would be no end to the Carnival. It would be a spectacular but unwanted party that would last forever.

Hey, everyone, this is Algernon Charles Swinburne from the Discord server (or u/Volticore on the sub). Because I feel like my words cannot truly describe my appreciation for the Buccs, I will be brief. Henry Morgan’s Buccaneers were a fan favorite that were known for pulling off incredible AI feats, creating the greatest fleet of carriers in existence, and just being an absolute madman in general. You were fun to watch, Morgan. Thank you for your efforts. Have another F.

By the way, did I mention that I couldn’t get Copacabana out of my head when writing this?

Oh god. What if Pedro forced Morgan to listen to it on loop for all eternity?” - Algernon Charles Swinburne

Coiot's Note: AAARRRRRRRRRRRR!

26

“Often pencilled in as one of the most forgettable civs in Mk 2, Burma kept to themselves for much of history, founding a juicy canal city in Mandalay and then failing to capitalise on it. They constructed the Colossus in Rangoon, and apparently decided the best way of enhancing those trade bonuses would be to stay as pacifist as possible, even founding the state religion of pacifism, Jainism Buddhism. This commitment to peace was so great than when they did find themselves at war, they’d give up anything to secure a peace treaty, including the cities of Mawlamyine and Bago. Ultimately, Vietnam’s neighbours all went the same way, and eventually Burma ran out of cities to gift; their fall paved the way for Vietnam’s rapid western expansion. Still, the religion they founded remained a local powerhouse, and they kept a small but devoted following in the community.” - Unknown Author

27

“Byzantium was a civ that was always at the vanguard. Among the first civs that overextended, to be reduced to a rump state, to make stupid peace deals. Alexios spent many years in a simple and irrelevant existence on Crimea, watching how many civs crashed and burned. But he didn't want to follow that path: instead of choosing a long life of misery, he chose to be the first civ to suicide, dying in a blaze of glory trying to defeat one of the great powers of the cylinder: Finland. It was Alexios that invented suicide by Kekkonen, dragging the Huns along with him in an iconic civ moment.

In the end, that it was distinguished Byzantium from other irrelevant rump states, Alexios preferred the dignity of a glorious death instead of the long miserable life of so many other civs.” - SD.Chile

28

“Alas for thee, Canada! From the start, you seemed to be a competitor to win, the glory days of Canifest Destiny from the CBR MK1 heralding great things. Indeed, times of greatness were heralded. For an unbroken string of four parts, between Part 9 and Part 12, Canada held first place in the Power Rankings. After the momentary dip to eleventh in Part 4, it would take until Part 20 for Canada to fall out of the top ten in the rankings. Even as time passed on, Canada would remain in the top 20 civs as late as Part 58, shortly before their demise five parts later. Those who remember the days of Canifest Destiny will recall the fall of Washington, the defeat of the American forces, the push westward into Sioux territory, a disastrous war with Texas, and the various wars with the Inuit. Despite defeating the Inuit the first time with riflemen facing down infantry, when war came for the second time, no amount of pluckiness, artillery, or sheer willpower could stop the blizzard. After the Inuit collapsed the Texan front, the borders closed in, and Canada was pushed back to Hamilton, where they made their last stand. There they fell, with nothing but a few ships remaining to their name.” - Kang Youwei

29

“Carthage was a prime example of a civ performing far better than anyone expected. They started off at 42 out of 61, expected to fold along with Morocco and the Ayyubids in one of the most crowded areas on the map.

But that wasn't so. Hannibal's strategic brilliance lived on, netting Carthage victory after victory despite their technological disadvantage. Hannibal's prowess led to Carthage becoming an empire that spanned from Algeria to Egypt, and a formidable one at that. It was one fatal mistake that did him in however, winning the battle of Bilbais but losing the war as swarms of far stronger Ethiopian troops flooded into his lands. Nothing could save the general now, and Carthage fell quickly to Ethiopia and Morocco.

But their legacy lives on. Not only have their tactics been taught by many across the cylinder, including the same nations that killed Carthage, they ranked far above what their untimely demise brought them, a true testament to one of the greatest generals of antiquity.” - Chukens

30

“Though greed's the seventh deadly sin

Che Bong Nga though making money was the way to win

His corpse had long turned stiff and cold

When the Trungs dug him out from under his piles of gold

-Emperor Sejong

The Champa proved that you didn't need to be famous or recognizable to be a star. They had lovely colours. They had elephants. And by Sitting Bull did they have money. Sadly, though Che did manage to get a slice of the Filipino turkey, he was in a competitive region and his elephants didn't have the Hannibal spunk. Their story was short, but paved the way for Vietnam... and as long as the My S'on jokes flow, Champa is in our hearts.” - paddywagon_man

31

“More than any other nation, Chile's history was indelibly tied to the mighty Brazil. In Mk 1 Chile was a breakout star, conquering territory as far adrift as West Africa - but Mk 2 Chile was far more concerned with the home continent, scrapping with their three immediate neighbours near-constantly. Their first major success was against Argentina, who they devoured with Brazil, with Pedro taking most of the territory but O'Higgins holding the crucial capital, Buenos Aires. The two nations would fight over the remains for decades to come, the border between the two frequently shifting. Meanwhile, the Buccs were reaching their apex, taking the strain off Chile's depleted armies in their fights with Brazil (as Brazil hit the lowest point in their history with major losses to the Buccaneers), but also allowing them to join in with the pirates' invasion of the feeble Inca, with Chile once again grabbing less land but finding the capital. But Brazil sought to regain face after their defeat against Morgan, and their next war with Chile was far more efficient; a coalition with Australia would finally put the nail in O'Higgins' coffin.” - Lacsirax Ariscal

32

“Mao’s China had the praise of the world. They were highly ranked in the power rankings, and it was expected that they would do well. Sure, they had settled two of their cities in a far off region of Siberia, and Vietnam forward settling was rampant, but one good war would fix that! But the war Vietnam declared forever sealed Mao from his dreams of being a top leader of the world, and he lost everything to a variety dish of powers soon enough.

Or, so one would think. Despite being reduced to a two city rump north of Vietnam, China’s story didn’t end there. Mao proceeded to troll Vietnam, essentially acting as the Mongols to Vietnam’s China-like state. They hassled them even when Vietnam was facing a national crisis and took a power ranking hit. They grew to a 4 city state from taking Vietnam’s cities when they couldn’t defend them. This won China many followers, and combined with their fun joke entries at the start of the power rankings, they became a plucky low rank hero.

While they faced a slow-motion carve-up after their peak, with 1 city being lost at a time, their reputation remained, and their stubborn survival was loved. Their power ranking entries became a running joke by this time. And as such, it was a tragedy when China finally fell to Korea in part 49.” - Docsy

33

“England is a disappointing place. It rains a lot, and our culture mainly consists of pub crawls and gang violence. But Elizabeth's England was fallout 76 levels of disappointing. A 'canvas' bag of bad settles, bad wars, and bad citadels, the virgin queen soon found herself interested in a trade agreement with death.

Oh, sweet England, where did it all go wrong? When we lost half the isles to Irish settlers because our pensioners wanted a holiday resort in Spain? When we lost what little we had to the endless chain of citadels the Irish put up in the night after distracting all the guards with guiness? When we failed to get a foothold in the European wars, despite being able to shoot across the channel? All we know is that a disappointing life came to a disappointing end in Hastings, Iberia, at the appropriate hands of the French.

Bloody French.” - HandaNauka

34

“Ethiopia is perhaps one of the most powerful civs to be cut down at their prime. Almost immediately they were one of the lucky 7 civs to found a religion, already cementing their position in the CBR's history. And with remarkable intelligence Halie Selassie conquered his way into owning a third of Africa, and upon Morocco's death, became one of the last two African civs to still be alive, despite the looming shadow of the Boers hanging over (or perhaps under) them. But it was not to last, for when the first OCP started Ethiopia joined the side against the Boers, an opportunistic albeit fatal mistake which brought a brutal end to not only them, but to an entire era in the cylinder's history. Ethiopia did extremely well for the position they were put into, carving a large empire from the coasts of Algeria to the hot sands of Arabia, all the more impressive when powers the likes of the Boers and Vietnam stood at their doorstep. They may have fallen when they were at their strongest, but they will be remembered as the last and greatest stronghold against Boer dominance.” (Chukens]

35

“Top kek Urho Kekkonen was a man with a plan, not to unite the world but to cover it with border gore. A quick look at u/gamingguy010's tile accurate map will show that.

Despite an initial power ranking of 59th, Finland was STRONK for their entire existence, settling well and the successfully fighting the huns, USSR and later even beating Sibir! Finland was able to use their massive paratrooper carpets to exploit far off wars and rump states to create many enclaves from Mongolia, the Indian peninsula, and a large portion of the middle east.

When the OCP started to falter, Finland took advantage of this situation, smashing the remaining Buccaneer holdings in the Mediterranean including some of Iberia. Their alliance with the Boers was short lived however, when the latter back stabbed them and declared war. The top Kek was able to take some north African cities before eventually being pushed back to eastern Europe, where Sweden took advantage of their war torn state and reduced Finland to exclavia.

This Scandinavian civilization's final stand was made in a former sri lankian city, on the Arabian peninsula, with their afghani peacekeepers at their sides, when the Kimberley aborigines from Australia finally ended Finland.

Border Gore lived on until the very end when Brazil happened. F.” - Buck_22

36

“Of all the civs in the Royale there were many civs that didn't reach expectations but France was the one that could have gone the farthest. Unlike Poland or the USSR who pretty quickly revealed they were not going to be a factor in this game, France started strong with the potential to be a contender. There is an alternate universe where France takes the initiative and rules a European empire. Maybe even an empire to rival the Boers. Of all the civs France is possibly the one to squander their start the most.

They started ranked 18th and for a civ on the most crowded continent, that’s an achievement. Only Poland and the USSR ranked higher on the European continent. France was higher than eventual powerhouses Sweden, Iceland, and freaking Sparta. They looked like they were gonna meet those expectations as well. They snipped cities from Germany and Rome, while keeping neighbors like Portugal and England in check, they were an early European power and looked posed to strike civs like Sweden or Britain, possibly even an attack on the weaker powers in Africa, to set up a base down there and hem in Portugal for a kill.

But then they just stopped. Almost as if Napoleon looked at his acquired lands and said, “Yeah, this is enough. We can’t have unhappiness problems, that simply will not do!” Ireland took the chance to attack Britain and France did nothing. Sweden and Sparta started consolidating their power and France did nothing. Portugal was attacked by the Pirates from the west, and France still did nothing. The opportunities for France were fewer and fewer each day on the cylinder. By the time Iceland established itself as a European power with the Icelandic Isles. France just couldn’t do anything. And they knew it. Rather than wait for Iceland or Sweden to get bored of them one day, France took an honorable suicide and declared war on Iceland. Losing every city in 2 parts and giving Iceland an official foothold on the continent, starting the eternal rivalry of Sweden VS Iceland. France’s ending speaks volumes about their performance is the CBR. They had the path to victory practically gift wrapped for them and their biggest contribution was dying so other civs could flourish.” - Logical-knot

37

“Germany, your name and your history over shadows your importance. Your weakness and ineptitude gave USSR their only minor victory, and gave Sparta the largest empire of it’s time, expanding all the way up to modern day Czechia. But namely, your weakness of the oceans gave a unique landfall to a Civ usually not touching the shores of Denmark and reaching all the way down to France and gave a surprisingly competent Civ the landfall to make an impact far later in game. It was truthfully scary imagining your name becoming more well known, but thankfully you entered the sub third to last place. I can’t say anyone will miss your name in the Royale, but your impact changed the entire chemistry of the Battle Royale, in a way that no one else could. So… thanks?” - LunarNeedle

38

“By traditional metrics, Hawai'i didn't do much. Then again, they weren't really expected to. Forming an island empire, they went on to grab Baja California with the settle of Waipahu, beating out Mexico. After which, they captured the Mayan city of Uxm-

“They know too much. They know of the true history.“

“Wipe their memory.”

Ah, sorry, what was I saying? Right, so Hawai'i, after settling Baja California, eventually watched with its massive force of peacekeepers as the Maori took over Uxmal. And hundreds of turns later, a brutal conquest of paradise by the Blackfoot and Chile took them down.

But if they thought that was the end of Hawai'i, they would be oh so wrong. Hawai'i would go on to outlive Chile, one of their oppressors, establishing a prosperous, if slightly overpopulated, island city-state in Kaneohe. And from their spot in the middle of the ocean, the hippies managed to block all kinds of troop movements. Annoying for us bloodthirsty Babylonians of course, but one has to admire their resolve and integrity. The Blackfoot killed them in the end, they definitely didn't deserve to get as far as they did, they were irrelevant for most of their life. So what?” - paddywagon_man

39

“When you’re playing a game of Civ 5, the last thing you wanna see is the Huns as a neighbor. Like his real life counterpart, Attila can be the scariest freaking thing your civilization has ever seen. He will basically throw all his resources into war. He can decimate your cities in the early game and he'll fight you forever unless you crush him. He was ranked 17th in the original power rankings, above Vietnam, Sibir, and Finland. We were expecting a civ that would last well into the mid game, and possible even become an empire like the Buccs or Sweden. And he started off well, fighting off Sibir and striking at the heart of the USSR. So how did this civ fall so far?

Well, you could blame it on a couple things. His enemies in Finland and Sibir were much stronger than anyone expected. Sibir was just a filler civ they needed to fill space in that area and no one thought Finland was going to survive past part 20, let alone become some sort of super state. The technology gap also didn’t help. Attila’s UA is the scariest thing on the cylinder but the returns become diminishing once you more past the classical era. But really, you and I both know the real reason the huns fell so fast and easily. Attila had a habit of burning the cities he acquired. In the game of empires, it’s generally not a good idea to take all your acquired territory and resources and just chuck them in the trash. Especially when that territory is the only thing between you and an upcoming world power in Sibir. Attila literally took a city off Stalin, burned it to the ground and then made peace. At which point, Stalin built a city in that exact same spot! Nice going Attila. I’m not gonna say you didn’t deserve the place you got but I enjoyed your escapades. Hit with big stick isn’t the best strategy but it was entertaining, at least. If only someone taught you that you could use buildings as something other than firewood.” - Logical-Knot

40

“Iceland’s path to victory was fairly muddled. Iceland started basically alone with pretty terrible land and expansion opportunities few and difficult. They started by settling in Greenland, which was a good start but from there, things got tricky. To the west was the Inuit, but they were set up to a major world power so making enemies with them was probably a bad idea. That left the British/Irish Isles as the only real option to expand, but both of them were going to be building armies to deal with each on the island. Just waltzing in and taking the capital was not an option. They needed to be patient and wait for one of them to overextend. When Ireland waged a war and took the British lands, Iceland saw their chance. They took the Isles in a quick, fierce attack and established the Icelandic isles.

This made everyone give them a second look but they still weren’t in a great spot. They were powerful but still only had the Isles as a base of operations on the European continent, with Sweden, Sparta and Finland looking very closely at their new neighbor. They needed an easy foothold they could grab quickly. Like say, a nation like France declaring suicide and basically giving Iceland all of its lands in a couple parts. When Iceland got a base on the main continent and basically became a European power, Iceland suddenly became a huge contender for not just Europe but the whole world.

And they would only get stronger, when the Boer menace started expanding its influence, Iceland sided with them, knowing that the only way to secure Europe was not to have an enemy at your backside. They would participate in the partition of Finland, Later backstabbing their ally, Sweden. Containing the swedes influence on the continent. They then backstabbed the Boers and set up a base in Africa. This was the height of their power. Unfortunately it would not last. Iceland couldn’t get past Sweden. Even with Boer assistance, they couldn’t crush the thorn in its side and being bought out by Big Carrier certainly didn’t help. Now Sweden couldn’t get them either so they weren’t in any danger but they both just sat there. Staring. Wasting resources until the Carnival came for them both, destroying them in the same turn, a fitting end. I sometimes wonder what would have happened had Sweden and Iceland teamed up, maybe attack Sibir or even the Boers. Would they have been prepared for Brazil? We’ll never know but for a start that everyone assumed needed in annihilation, Iceland did a pretty good job!” - Logical-Knot

41

“The Inca were impenetrable. They faced long wars against the Brazilians, the clearly dominant of the two, throughout their early history. But their jungles were rough, and their army ready. The Brazilians couldn’t hope to take any cities from these wars. And the Inca liked it this way. The Inca used their surroundings as a defensive wall to their neighbors, and even let Hawaiian peacekeepers in to seal the deal with how hard they were to invade.

The Argentinians tried their best, taking Machu many a time, but they fell to Brazil before they could. The Chileans then tried their own project, initiating coastal raids across Inca territory, but these didn’t look holdable. But the Inca made a mistake: they were helping Brazil fight against Chile and dedicated their army to the job, so when Chile seemingly recruited the Buccaneers to invade Brazil and Inca, they were caught off guard.

They paid dearly for this mistake, as they were reduced to two cities. They were left for Chile to take, and Chile obliged. Their days of being the impenetrable fortress of South America were over, and in Inca’s place, the Buccaneers rose.”

- Docsy

42

“Ah, Indonesia. Ever the buttmonkey of narrators, commenters, and power rankers alike, they weren’t very loved for their peaceful tendencies. This prejudice is validated by the data, as Indonesia never had a relevant war until being attacked in part 36. They faced a declaration of war from the Kimberley, and they could easily overwhelm the Indonesian state with its size. Needless to say, the war ended with total annihilation. I don’t think many people would think highly of Indonesia after that.

But, let’s flip our perspective, and put ourselves into the world of the Civ Battle Royale. In this world of wars and conquests, where men and women were brutally killed on a regular basis, Indonesia stayed peaceful throughout. They maintained an up-to-date army yes, but they never knew war proper, and all of the wars they declared were just for show. For hundreds of turns or thousands of years, they stood as a symbol of peace on the cylinder. And once they were gone, the world only knew war.” - Docsy

43

“Killed Canada and Texas, lesser civ might call that reckless

But we gave both Sam and Lester a harpooned solar plexus....

-Ekeuhnick

The White Walkers, the Ice Sheet, the Inuit... call them what you want, there's no denying how terrifying a presence this towering Inupasagjuk was. Ekeuhnick spent much of his immortal life asleep, wise Angakok communing in dreams with their leader as lesser civilizations like the Blackfoot and Mexico scrambled for the Inuit's leavings, but whenever the Inuit awoke the Cylinder shook at their very footsteps.

In the end Brazil simply grew beyond them, though. Pedro turned the minor powers of America against the northern giant, first leading to the devouring of longtime Inuit ally Crowfoot and ending catastrophically with a rain of Buccaneer nuclear warheads paving the way for Brazilian XCOMs to storm the southern states and drive north to envelop Kamchatka. Maybe if Ekeuhnick had simply let Pedro keep Laredo, Brazil might still be a second-tier power on an irrelevant continent. But that's not the Inuit way.” - paddywagon_man

44

“Malachy won the British Isles

With Irish valour and a winning smile

But he didn't count on Ingolfur Arnarson

Turning Ireland into a viking Airstrip One

-Emperor Sejong

Malachy's Irish had a good run of it, with a stunning conquest of England (preceded by a spiteful and hilarious citadel-fueled starving of London) but their gains were short lived. Iceland swept in and made the place their own, choosing it as their first major conquest because they'd only have to change one letter on the road signs. In the end, Ireland was just a stepping stone - but there is one beam of hope, Henry Parkes IRL was convinced a massive Irish conspiracy existed to take over Australia. In the CBR, maybe it worked! It would explain the colours. And the drinking.” - paddywaggon_man

45

“Ah. Israel. I have a soft spot for them but it certainly was not because of how they played. For some reason they were ranked 27th in the original power rankings so hopes were moderately high. But they didn’t do anything to deserve their reputation. They built like 4 cities. Never capitalized on the sleepy neighbors in Persia or the Arabia and attacked. But gosh golly did they have a lot of scouts. Yes, truly King David was a master tactician. They lost Gaza early on and that basically sealed the deal for them being anything more than a joke.

But they were a funny joke. Sparta could have marched an army into the middle east and attacked them at any time. Armenia, the Ayyubids and Persia were all prime candidates to just waltz in there and end them. But they didn’t. Israel continued to survive. They just sat there. Almost like they didn’t know the rest of the world existed. There’d be some war or battle going on in Europe or Asia and it would cut back to Israel. Building scouts. Blissfully unaware of the world around them. They were inexplicably existing. When they finally did die in part 39, Persia of all people would revive them in part 64 as some sort of buffer tactic and they would live on for another 10 parts. Long past the war that made them relevant, they just continued to spread the good word of scouts. When they finally kicked the bucket, for real this time, I was sad to see them go. They were an awful, awful civ and yet they were memorable. Which is more than I can say for some other civs.” - Logical-Knot

46

“Now lies a grand civ

The Land of the Rising Sun

Now lies in its peace

Started conquering

The Philippines and China

Then hit the Aussies

Pushed back to the north

Korea saves Japan yay

Japan will not die

Meiji then got killed

By the traitors Kimberley

Resting finally” - Unknown Author

47

“Kimberely, it felt like hours since you were exiled and eliminated in Indonesia. But looking back on you, you had an opportunity to be the final fortress in the coming part. A few decisions you made however boggle the mind of the greatest philosophers. He who had no religion defying constructed famous religion monuments in the face of your only major rival was one of them, you losing opportunistic settles and not resisting the citadels pushing into your territory was another and there was a simple lack of logical unit spread, focusing your war on Indonesia causing the peace-crazy Australia to strike when you were weak. Although, in reality it was unavoidable. Kimberley didn’t possess a bias high enough to focus on military to beat Australia, and with the unique unit the Digger, it was impossible for them to match the military and infrastructure biases, as each worker constructed would later be upgraded into a Digger. Despite that, we loved and enjoyed them hop away from their capital and remain a major player for an incredibly interesting game. And for that, they are unmatched. Thank you Jandamarra” - LunarNeedle

48

“For such a relatively short-lived nation, Kongo gave the CBR a good stab; it was rare to see them at peace, as they feuded with almost all their neighbours at some point. They would even be semi-successful in their efforts against the Ashanti, contributing to the coalition war that extinguished the Empire of the Golden Stool. They remained perplexed by Morocco's ability to hold onto Kumasi and Mampong, however, denying Kongo further expansion into West Africa - and while they briefly gained control of a city in Iberia, through an iconically mad peace treaty, they soon lost that to Morocco too. Instead, they were left to fend off the Boers, already one of the most threatening nations on the Cylinder but with an as-yet-untested army. Kongo did manage to flip a Boer city or two, and clung on to their exclave Kakongo far longer than expected, but the war only ever had one expected resolution. Kongo's fall left a huge fleet in the south Atlantic, the so-called 'Ghost Fleet' - but this ethereal navy didn't actually last that long. Instead, the enduring legacy of Kongo was their capital, which under Boer rule became the largest city on the Cylinder. Nzinga can also look forward to a second chance as the only returning leader in CBRX, where she will take control of the nation she historically led, Ndongo.” - Lacsirax Ariscal

49

“The Brazilian paratroopers approached the gates of Churapcha with more of a sense of relief than anything else. Seoul had fallen, Osaka had fallen, the Chinese campaign was all but a distant memory, and now they were here. Old Sejong's last stronghold, at the mouth of the Amur River. Yet as they drew closer, they found the gates open. Fearing a trap, the assembled transhuman army crept into the city. But there was no trap to be seen; just a line of red and blue glowing orbs tracing a path between the skyscrapers and vertical farms, presumably what passed for street lights in this strange land.

The commander of the Brazilian detachment decided to follow the orbs, in case this was somehow Sejong's last hurrah, while much of the rest of the army went off to secure the government buildings and end war in Asia once and for all. They led, oddly, to a traditional Korean grove of bamboo, nestled between two hyper-modern skyscrapers. In the middle of it lay one last clue: a patch of earth that looked as if it had been burnt to a cinder. The commander didn't see anyone around, assumed he had made a mistake, and let out one last cry of victory, which the troops repeated, echoing around Churapcha, signalling the end of the Korean empire.

Some of those troops, however, to this day, maintain that when they shouted to the sky on that day in that bamboo grove, they saw one extra speck of light in the sky, slowly fading until it became one with the glow of the moon. It's just a rumour, though…” - Homusubi

50

“Many thought the premiere African power along with Ethiopia and the Boers would have been Mali, and Mansa Musa did not give anyone reason to disagree. The Ayyubids had been dominated early on, Carthage could only punch so far above its weight, the Kongo was getting eaten alive by the Boers, and Morocco was.... Well, Morocco-ing. Meanwhile, Mali eliminated the Ashanti very early on and was one of the biggest civilizations. Then they just stagnated and did nothing for so long, many wondered if Mansa Musa would ever get a last hurrah.

Then everything changed when the Buccaneers Pirates attacked. Henry Morgan quickly washed away any dreams Mali had of expanding a bit farther north by nuking them into oblivion. The richest man in world history very suddenly became the most irradiated. Allah bless you, Mansa Musa Keita I.” - jmangelo67

51

“Nukes aside; Maori represents chaotic neutral done right. It came out of nowhere, but Henry Parkes would wake up to find his empire gaining significant colonies and a good way to expand his naval empire. For the most part, the Maori made successful use of the nearby islands, creating a rather amazing set of islands with record population for the time. They could’ve probably created naval dominance over Australia if they joined alongside Kimberley earlier. But it had taken too long to strike. The sun set on a Maori empire reaching Sydney, so they opted to focus their technology on bringing the sun home. Honestly, in retrospect, I wouldn’t choose a better death. A beautiful empire, with a splendid AI, only brought to kneel from their purely island empire. A sad death.” - LunarNeedle

52

“The Maya were one of the less fortunate civs in the CBR. Sporting no more than 5 cities at the peak of their strength, their elimination in part 32 at the came as no surprise. The Maya gave truth to the saying that existence is adversity, as their whole life was one big struggle with the Buccaneers, and occasionally their other neighbours as well. In the end, it was the Maori of all people who finally eliminated them.

During their lifetime, the Maya played a part in two very memorable events. The first was the Buccaneers taking Chichen Itza from them with a force led by Steve Jobs, one of the most surreal moments in the early CBR. The other was founding the city of Tulum on the Galapagos islands, which was of little use during the their lifetime but later became crucial as an airbase during the Australian campaigns in South America. Somehow it seems fitting that even here, the key role was always played by somebody else.

Rest in peace Pacal, and may this world of conflicts trouble you no more.” - arcticwolffox

53

“Benito Juárez will unfortunately be remembered for that one time he laid siege to an undefended Austin and then just left without even attacking the city. After fairing well in the great Sioux gangbang and winning a city or two from the Blackfoot, Mexico stagnated not being able to win a war against Texas, even after the latter became a rump state.

Towards the end Mexico received heavy nuclear bombardment from the Buccaneers and Australia alike. The killing blow was struck by their perennial rivals, the Blackfoot, who descended upon Mexico with a carpet of paratroopers sweeping the empire away in its entirety. By this point Mexico was just a hollow husk of low population cities but still managed to prolong the inevitable for multiple parts allowing their fan to say goodbye.

Juárez also founded Catholicism, the only religion in the Americans, so he had that going for him too. Go be with Sitting Jesus now, Benito Juárez. F.” - Buck_22

54

“The man who sits on his tower surrounded by helicopter and outdated units borrowed from many empires, Genghis Khan represents a buffer state always on the state of death between three major powers, but before that he had many chances to eliminate and crush his rivals, but always fell behind the technological milestone for that to be possible. Frequently would we see helicopters assault cities for parts in a row without release. And in the end it was his own sheer unit carpet and ignorance of his own sciences that kept him alive a disturbingly long period of time refusing death until Part 105. Perhaps he made a deal to the devil in which he would last until the final few episodes. He would not win, but only survive. A sad end, for a truly amazing emperor. If only you had a bias of melee units greater than one. Alas, another time. Sleep well, loyal Khan, your family shall rise in CBRX!” - LunarNeedle

55

“On the cusp of the very first part of the Civilization Battle Royale Mk. 2, a team of ragtag power rankers banded together. Their goal, to predict the performance of every civilization in the game. Of all 61 civilizations in the entire game, it was Morocco that was rated last. Turns out, this would become a textbook example of how inaccurate the Power Rankings can be, and I say that as a power ranker myself! Instead of being swiftly defeated, they rose up and became among the strongest African nations the game would ever see. Early on they famously captured the city of Kumasi with a lone trireme, and managed to hold on to the great Ashanti capital for many years. Further along in the game, the once great Carthaginian empire was wiped out by the increasingly frightening Moroccan forces, who would eventually take the capital of Carthage to finish off the empire. Morocco would rise to their peak of 20th place from parts 54-56, before an unfortunate declaration of war from the powerful Buccaneers. Again, here, Morocco defied the odds, and survived the pirate onslaught for two complete parts, before their last city of Tangiers, pictured here, raised the white flag.

From day one, Morocco was an underdog, and that never stopped them from achieving greatness. At different points, Ahmed Al-Manslaughter owned 3 seperate capitals, and cities in both Europe and Africa. Morocco truly stands as proof that even the most “Irredeemable” civs can put on a show. On that note, keep an eye out for Haiti in the CBRX.” - Borsthestylish

56

“The story of the Mughals is one of the struggle to find purpose in an meaningless world. Now that they have passed, let us be sure and make their struggle a teaching moment to us all.

The Mughals struggles were great and many, settling in northern India, they immediately faced Sri Lanka, Afghanistan, Burma and Tibet, all in direct competition for the same land and resources, and lurking in the distance lay Vietnam. Akbar, the Mughal leader, understood why he had been made, to provide entertainment for the mysterious Babylonian peoples, so charging into this Chaos, the Mughals, lead by Akbar, managed to construct a thriving empire, fighting off Sri Lanka and managing to capitalize off of a poorly placed Tibetan settlement. Unfortunately, his best efforts did not please the Babylonian overlords. “A civilization with practically no accomplishments”, “Nothingburger”, “Watching them was a pain because it was too boring”, “an utter disappointment”, “cricket chirps”, this was the sub’s reaction to their survival.

Desperate to curry favor, and realizing the success Carthage had with elephant invasion, Akbar had the Mughals create an elephant hauled cannon, but they came at such a great coast, and had so little movement, they were reduced to primarily display pieces, and the Babylonians went unpleased. Disturbed by the uncaring masters of this universe, and the constant threat of invasion, Akbar finally made a decision not for us watchers, but for his people, he made the decision to adopt Freedom as the ideology of the empire. This earned him plenty of ridicule on the sub, but for the first time, some saw his move as the caring move it was, and began to support him. The Mughals, unfortunately, lacked the resources to expand, and this decision all but ensured they would never become a power, but Akbar know that it was more important to take care of his people, then to entertain others, and when the time came, and the sky darkened with Finns and Vodka, Akbar knew he had done the right thing.

Even though Akbar died some time ago, his influence carried on. The first nation to understand the true genius of Akbar was Tibet, who were influenced by their neighbors decision and adopted freedom for themselves. Under Tibet, what was originally Akbar’s dream became known by those across the cylinder, and many consider him the father of eastern freedom. The greatest symbol of eastern freedom is the Statue of Liberty, which serves as a beacon and hope to thousands across the occupied world, leading to increased production. Even the Great Padro himself, not a champion of freedom by any means, respected the power of the Statue of Liberty.

And so, by deciding to look after his people instead of pleasing the great masters, Akbar inadvertently managed to do both, as well as create a lasting legacy across the cylinder of self care and Freedom. We should all learn this lesson from Akbar, take care of yourself before helping others.” - RanseStoddard

57

“Ah Norway, despite starting as the highest ranked Scandinavian civ, you truly were the disappointing member of the family. While all the other 3 Scandi nations made it to top 15, you... chose a different path. In your early war with Sweden, you chose to fight with an army of just 2 settlers, effectively gifting your neighbour a free city. From then on, you earned your nickname of Snoreway, staying quietly irrelevant for years, throwing a few armies at Nazi Germany when it suited you, but never gaining anything noteworthy as a result. In the end, Germany fell to your old enemy Sweden, giving the Lion of the North the edge when your old feud eventually restarted, resulting in you handing over all but two cities to Sweden in the peace deal before returning to an uncomfortable sleep.

Centuries later, you chose to follow the path of Freedom, and Sweden was happy to take that as the cue to quickly finish you off. Looking back on it now, I wonder, was this... a deliberate plan? Did you realise that Scandinavia was too crowded for any of you to succeed? Did you fall on your own sword to help boost Sweden to power, enabling the incredibly strong Scandinavian finish that we saw? Everything you did ended up helping your 'enemy', from weakening the Nazis, to all the gifts of free cities, even choosing Freedom to make the world hate you and reduce Sweden's warmongering penalty... Harkon, I take it all back, you truly were the unsung hero of Scandinavia, in your own special way. F.” - Bob_Smith_IV

58

“Persia, you were so close to becoming something great. But all hope was lost as the Sibir came from, Afghanistan was crippled by Vietnam, Sparta rode in from the west, and eventually, Ethiopians crept through the south. When you finally rose up to attack the remains of the graveyard of empires, all hope was lost, and the Vietnamese and Spartans took another empire, though the latter was taken down with you. As a matter a fact, after you fell the Boer and Vietnamese would engage in conflict, this time Vietnam being pushed back, never able to fully recover. Both of your opponents would eventually be eaten by a bigger fish, as they did to you. If you struck just a tad bit earlier, you may have eliminated Armenia, Arabia, maybe even Sparta with some proper planning. You will be remembered as the empire that separated Vietnam and the Boers for centuries. F.” - Chicago_Ball

59

“There are few civs that deserve their low rank as little as the Philippines. Their inclusion in the game is so distant a memory that it’s tempting to lump them in with those they died alongside, but besides the Sioux, no other early victim ever commanded such a large empire. At its peak, the Philippines held an empire stretching from mainland China and Okinawa, to Borneo, New Guinea and the Banda Sea, and as far east as Micronesia. Their navy was not huge, but not insubstantial. So what happened?

Well, two words: coalition war. The same thing that unfairly brought down the Ashanti and the Sioux struck the Philippines too; almost all their neighbours turned jealous and declared war. At first, they were able to fight off their enemies, holding the line on all fronts and even razing a Hawaiian city. But this early on, one civ can never take on five, and a coalition of Australia, Hawaii, Champa, Indonesia and Japan was always set to triumph. When Champa navies strolled into Manila, they did the Philippines an even greater injustice than the third elimination of the game; the first TOTAL elimination, with no straggling units surviving into the far future, as with Rome and Ashanti. And that was the end of Rizal’s story... until the Blackfoot revived them for a turn two or three parts ago. Though I don’t know how much that counts for…” - Lacsirax Ariscal

60

“Poland’s curse was made clear early on, they were surrounded by strong civs, Sweden, Finland, USSR, Sparta and the Nazi’s, but Casimir wasn’t daunted. Even after the Nazi’s declared an early war, Poland stood strong and managed to stabilize much of eastern Europe. Casimir was not insane though, he knew that his empire’s starting location was a recipe for disaster, so he made sure to allow all of his units time to enjoy the world around them, instead of hurrying them to their likely death. This policy resulted in one of the most infamous incidents on the cylinder, the Polish Scout standing immobile, smelling the flowers, blocking the entire Spartan army on their way to conquer Cuame. Who knows what the cylinder would look like now if Sparta had had the opportunity to take Cumae. Leonidas was enraged by the events, but Casimir himself is reported to have smiled when he learned that his units were taking his advice and smelling the flowers. Across the cylinder, the fame of the polish scout spread, and soon the scout was more than a symbol for taking time for yourself, but a symbol of peace, and the power of one man against an army. Other nations devoted themselves to the cult of the scout, most notably Hawaii, whose international peacekeepers were all required to learn the story of the scout.

In the end though, Casimir's fears proved correct. Despite creating a dominate eastern European empire, Poland was one of the first 5 civs eliminated. Despite their untimely deaths, the legacy of Poland survived through numerous peace keeping missions sent out across the cylinder. Casimir would be proud to know that his philosophy of not fighting the inevitable, and taking time to smell the roses long outlasted his time on the cylinder, and it is a philosophy we all would do well to implement in our lives.” - RanseStoddard

61

“In a world of laws, sometimes it just takes a little chaos to bring the whole thing down. Portugal followed none of the rules, and the world was richer for it.

Portugal started on an interesting spot, Iberia, and had the whole peninsula to themselves. With easy access to Europe and Africa, and civs that were ranked in the bottom half of the rankings as neighbors, things looked good for Maria. But as the game progressed, Portugal failed to settle outside of their peninsula, and the British even managed to forward settle them with Hastings. It began to become clear that something different was going on.

It wasn’t until the Portugal - Carthage war that the extent of the situation was made clear. Portugal made blunder after blunder, failing to capture Arrentium and eventually losing control of Sicily to Carthage. It was this amazing level of ineptitude that sparked one of the greatest great works in CBR history, MetroGoldyMayer’s “The Lazy Portugal Show”, which would last for 11 seasons and have an incalculable effect on sub lore. Maria gained the epithet “the Mad” and if it wasn’t deserving before, she seemed to spend the rest of the game trying to live up to that title.

The rest of Portugals life was a series of terrible decisions, punctuated by good decisions. The most infamous move of all was ceding Braga to the Kongo despite the Kongo posing no military threat. Still, Portugal managed to hold on to Italian possessions, and through remarkable snipes, they acquired Rome, a capital city and the prosperous port city of Cologne in Northern Europe. Things during this time were rather stable for the Portuguese core, if not predictable,

Right before the final collapse, they had one last stroke if genius, capturing Braga from Morocco, (who had taken from the Kongo), finally correcting that most embarrassing error. Then it all fell apart. Iceland, Sparta and the Buccaneers all attacked and despite actually defending their homeland with an uncharacteristic degree of ability, Portugal was reduced to Funchal, one tile island, where they languished before finally being conquered once and for all.

But that is not the end of their story. Following their defeat, it is logical to assume that Maria followed her real life counterpart and went to live with her grandson, Pradro of Brazil, and so it is not a stretch to assume that as Brazil rules the world, Maria may be back in her Lisbon palace as governor of the whole of Europe.

So don’t let anyone tell you you aren’t working hard enough, sometimes the best plan is no plan.” - RanseStoddard

62

“Veni, vidi, defecit. I came I saw I failed.

There was hope at first for Julius Ceasar, with two early game unique units, it was thought that with some early sucess he could breakout from his starting peninsula and take Europe from the bottom up. Be this dream was not to be, after the ill fated settling of Neaplois on the other side of the alpes with a sole archer to defend, it was a free city for Napoleon.

Rome faired no better to the east; with best defender of Cumae being a lone, peacekeeping polish scout who blocked the spartan advance for a couple parts. However the Spartans piled into boats, sailed across the adriatic sea and all of the scouts efforts were in vain. Rome never managed to unite all of modern day Italy, the only civ to achieve this was Brazil which just shows how contested Rome's starting positions was. This is why Rome was the first civ to lose a city along with the first to be eliminated.

Their greatest contribution to the CBR would be the introduction of refugee units via the Last Legion and the lone balista who lived peacefully lives in the black sea and later southern Sibir, where it is believed that they ventured too close to the great meatgrinder and were consumed by a nuclear hellfire.

So long Ceasar, and io saturnalia! F.” - Buck_22

63

“I, u/Vihreaa, was asked by BC to write a final slide for one of the civilizations that participated in this great battle royale. My mind quickly leapt to Sibir.

Sibir was always a dark horse in the CBR. Never getting the top spot in the power rankings, consistently being close, but never top dog. I would like to argue that for their circumstances, they did extremely well for a civilization surrounded on all sides by enemies. Likely placing in the top 3, Sibir will be remembered in Civ Battle Royale history as one of the great nations of the world, before it was conquered by the Brazilian CARNIVAL. Even though Sibir could not create a civilization that could stand the test of time, their influence will always be remembered by those who seek it.

For such a spectacular performance, I salute you, Kuchum Khan” - Vihreaa

64

“The Sioux were one of the most legendary and entertaining of the civs in the Battle Royale. While they had at first started out somewhat strong by settling endlessly as they always do. Their poor geography in the middle of North America and their offensive amount of forward settling had convinced the entire continent to team up in one united front against them. They were unable to win that war unfortunately, and it was looking like the Sioux were just going to be some forgotten ancient failed state that never really seemed to pick up enough steam to do anything memorable aside from dying at the hand of the powerful Inuit.

Well thank Lord Sitting Bull himself and the prophet Necrowfoot. The Sioux's legacy did not end there. While so far the small civilization was mostly known for dying early. Dying is just a part of life. On one fateful easter sunday prophet Necrowfoot brought our lord Sitting Bull back to life in the Holy City of Mdewakantonwan. For a couple decades the holy people of the Sioux enjoyed their new renaissance in constant fear of their neighbors. They were a noble nation of noble people. A beacon of hope in a desperate and depraved world. Eventually the Inuit returned to finish what they had started oh so long ago and they sacked the holy city. Once again crucifying our lord to an Inukshuk. Luckily Necrowfoot returned and pulled our lord from the inukshuk almost immediately and gave him a new holy city to call home in Itazipcho the long protested city on the Blackfoot-Canadian-Inuit border.

Lord Sitting Bull enjoyed the last of his days as the new thriceborn bull of prophecy in Itazipcho before the Canadians came and took him out one final time… Before being immediately slaughtered by the Inuit in a show of holy justice

Sitting Bull's legacy is one of the greatest in the Battle Royale despite him not actually changing the outcome of the battle royale in a single meaningful way. All hail Sitting Bull.

In the name of the Bull, The Tophat and the Bull again. Amen.” - HaterShades

65

“Sparta was one of the first true empires of the royale. If there was a conflict early game, there was a good chance Sparta was a part of it. They were the first to make a rump state, making Byzantium a laughing stock and the first to eliminate a civ entirely putting Rome out of its misery. In their height, they held territory in the middle east, Europe and even some in Africa. They held the rest of Europe in fear and were some of the first frontrunner that had the potential to win the whole thing. Sparta was a crowd favorite. You could say they ran into people's hearts (Heh)

But then other powers sprung up, Finland and Sweden were starting to flex their muscles in the north and even the Buccs and Iceland started making trans continental empires with outpost near Spartan cities. And in Africa, the metallic menace was springing to life. With all these powers showing their strength and crushing weaker civs, Sparta looked less and less impressive. The technology gap between them and the Boers was massive and despite the reputation, they didn’t have much of an army at all. They lost a fair number of cities through campaigns against the Boers and Armenians. Everyone just sort of assumed they had lost their touch. A product of the time. Leg became flabby.

But then Leonidas pulled off a stunt that only him and his brand of freaks could pull off. Sparta pulled a surprise raid on Armenia out of nowhere, doubling the number of cities he gained in a matter of turns and constructing the Dvin empire! He went from being a rump state of no significance to the talk of the sub. And though it didn’t actually matter in the grand scheme of things as the Boers would crush the empire a few parts later, it was the way Sparta should go out. Swinging. Never forget Leg Day!” - Logical-Knot

66

“Something of a surprise addition to the Mk 2 roster, Sri Lanka was long considered one of the worst starts in the game, and was widely expected to be conquered by the Mughals. Instead they led one of the most singular existences in the whole Cylinder, starting with their construction of one of the game's most powerful wonders, the Statue of Zeus - a bonus to city attack that they utterly failed to make use of. Instead they built an empire in southern India with a near-permanent colony in Oman, half of which was taken by Finland as one of Urho's first bordergore pickups, but half of which they held onto for God knows how long. They won a momentary war against the Mughals, but soon found threats from overseas, as Australia and the Kimberley attacked, making short work of their home island and leaving them with a triangle in the Deccan Plateau - and Oman, of course. Somehow they held on past the hiatus, outliving once-greats Sparta and Yakutia before finally falling prey to the last great escapade of Kruger.” - Lacsirax Ariscal

67

“You capitalizer of kings, destroyer of rivals. It was you, Gustavus who rose above your AI and rose above your destiny. You settled more than your competition, took advantage of a weak Hitler, pushed back Sparta, crushed Norway and would later above all odds subjugate Finland and hold off a two front war versus Sibir and Iceland, losing half of your empire and gaining it all back in the process. You were a genius of battle and a crusher of might, confusing all those that opposed, becoming an empire stronger than they had any right to be. You baffled power rankers and everyone else as you extended from Moscow to Belgium.

Alas, all good things come to end, as the green carpet stretched from Rio de Janeiro to Berlin, making a random war declaration of Sweden on Brazil - a usually meaningless war - meant the loss of majority of his empire; forcing the noble diplomat to meet his end on Part 119 at the same time as his rival Ingólfur Arnarson. You were the lion of the north, wolf in sheep’s clothing and the profiteer of tragedy, brought to death knell by a South American country, like many others.” - LunarNeedle

68

“Before North America became an extension of Inuit territory, it really was anyone’s game. The territory was a cluster of mid to high level civs where because of the proximity to each other, only the fittest were going to survive. Of these contenders nobody really mentioned Texas as having any real shot. Mexico, America, Canada, The Sioux, all were placed above Texas in the initial power rankings and no one batted an eye. To quote the original power ranker “Don’t mess with Texas? Meh, you can probably get away with it.”

Texas would prove them all wrong by lasting longer than any of the original civs on the North American continent, save for their staunch ally, the Blackfoot. Did they do it through masterful campaigns taking tons of land from their enemies and running the great Texas Empire? Well, No. In fact, after their first engagement of taking out the Sioux, they were crushed by a Mexican army that took their capital and most of their land. Texas never really recovered from this but they got to the end through pure survival skills. Sam Houston was such a military genius that he connived a Mexican army that took his capital to just give it back and leave. After Canada started eying the weakened Texas, Houston marched on a revitalized America to grab some buffer zone territory. When the Inuit wave came devouring Canada and marching through texan lands, taking city after city, the capital of Austin stood as a bright star in the sea of Ice Blue. Even when Mexico went to crush this cockroach once and for all by taking Austin for like the ninth time, Houston stole a Mexican city and made it the new capital, the only city they would control for the rest of the game. Texas just wouldn’t die! They would watch as their old foe Mexico fell at the hands of the Blackfoot. Laughing as they lived in a Mexican city on a continent with two global powers. Texas was still inexplicably, alive. After wars with Mexico, Canada and the Inuit, they would eventually fall to the carnival. Brazil would take the city of Laredo in part 90. Texas lasted far longer than anyone thought and really longer then they had a right to. As Mexico learned the hard way, Don’t mess with Texas.” - Logical-Knot

69

“So. Tibet. I suppose i’ll start with the simple things. At the beginning, they had a very rocky start due to their starting position and AI, gradually losing cities until only Lhasa was left. Of course, none of this is why they are remembered. Tibet, through the CBR, was known for many things, but most of all its unique position and sheer audacity. Lhasa, for most of the history of the CBR, was completely surrounded and protected by Vietnam, one of the main superpowers. And they survived there for so long it actually became absurd, becoming the civ that was a city state and was a fixture, unable to be attacked for so, so long.As for its audacity, there is so much to work from. From a religion nobody had heard of in Akatt-U early on, declaring war against every single superpower without fear, to even picking goddamn freedom of all things. And of course, you can’t forget the tibetan settler who literally founded a city in a nuked wasteland between the warring Sibir and Finland, and holding that city for several PARTS (founded at the beginning of part 69 and held til 76). Tibet has always been absurd and we loved them for it, up until 2.1 happened and they were betrayed by their greatest allies in Vietnam.

Tibet, for me, has always been something. They were the people trying to survive and mean anything as opposed to truly winning, and i’d say they succeeded in meaning.

From the jokes and conspiracy theories about them controlling the cylinder from behind the scenes to the things I wrote about Tibet so long ago. Tibet mattered, and I was sad to see them go. They were the City State, the last bastion of freedom, the religious puppet state, the puppet masters, the technologically backwards nature reserve, the representation of the real oppressed nation of Tibet, and whatever else you wanted them to be. Tibet mattered simply because they never stood a chance, and yet they acted so audaciously that they remained memorable all the way through. I nearly cried for Tibet when they were betrayed by Vietnam because they were always my favorite civ, from their real history to their history in the CBR. Tibet may have been simply surviving, but they thrived in our hearts.” - Someguy1342

70

“Nishapur, the last stand of the Timurids.

We always knew Sibir as the meat grinder civ, and the Timurids helped in starting that phenomenon, though less dramatic than we saw it later on. Nishapur was the last city squeezed in between the mountains, and after much back and forth between this small nation and the mighty Sibirian empire, it had fallen.

With incredible unique tools at their disposal, the fall of the Timurids was disappointing for all. But looking back on this civ's last moments, let us not forget that this forgotten tale of a few cities in the desert was still beloved by someone. And let us not forget how much the Timurids wanted to stay in the game despite their demise. Perhaps one day, a civilization in their position can prove how capable they truly were. Thus, the last page on the Timurids of the Mk. 2 closes. The quietest man in the battle has become a whisper on the wind.” - jmangelo67

“So, the Timurids. Most forgettable civ, yes/yes? Arguably holding the title of such, Timur managed to be a good deal less bombastic than he did in real life, despite a start close to the densely packed Middle East, a reputation as an aggressive civ, and people like Attila and Kuchum as neighbors. He landed with both feet on the ground, owning a fairly sized empire in the early game. But he evidently forgot to run - early wars against Afghanistan and Armenia poked holes in his status as a dreaded civ to face, and before long he was in midfield, an afterthought who was easily passed by anyone with a pulse. Still, even by the fifteenth part, things looked promising - they still were a steppe civ, still had lots of land to work with, and, again, were within spitting distance of the turbulent Middle East. Perhaps he should have been higher - one pounce on a dying empire, and he'd almost certainly regain his upper-middle class status, with all the favorable housing, comfort, and respect it would entail.

So Timur wisely decided to forward settle Sibir, the largest civ he could find. Presumably, he thought a land of snow and ice was easily cowed. He was wrong. The war lasted all of four parts, and Timur never quite rebounded from his utter thrashing at the hands of the future King of Khans. From there, the pretender to the raddest throne out there became a chew toy for other, stronger civs, and we all collectively spent one part wondering what might've been before moving on to more exciting things, such as the simultaneous collapse of Poland and Germany. In retrospect, he played how we expected him to - used his geographical safety to core up until the medieval era, then declare war on every nation within spitting distance. It's just he was so terribly incompetent at it that he managed to achieve and do so very little, and to this day the only people who keep him in their minds are historically minded Sibir fans and prolific readers of the Lazy Portugal Show. Timur could've ruled the world. But instead, he ruled nobody and died a dishonorable vandal, and not the Rome-sacking kind. Ironic. He could save others from irrelevancy, but not himself.” - EndlessVoid0

Lunar Note: These were provided at the exact same time and inputted by Lime and myself; so both are here. Fun fact: there was four total submissions for Timurids, making them the most remembered. Ha.

71

“Stalin's CBR history isn't a proud one - the long-standing rumour that Stalin spent most wars absolutely zonked on vodka started all the way back in Mk 1, when he absolutely butchered an invasion of Armenia. He actually had more luck against that nation this time round - razing the short-lived city of Gavar - but in every other metric the USSR performed far worse. Losing second city Leningrad to a Hunnic raid could have been disastrous, but they refounded the city on almost the exact same spot not long after. But that doesn't justify their future settles, forgoing decent territory to settle almost exclusively in the Arctic Circle, letting Finland claim the majority of the land surrounding the USSR - Urho's first foray into bordergore. Growing bored with their ineptitude, Sibir took most of Stalin's territory soon after the Hunnic threat was defeated - and not long after that, Finland swept up the final three cities, unceremoniously removing one of the world's few Order-following civs from the map.” - Lacsirax Ariscal

72

“While we fought Sibir, I was a just a boy, raised on stories of our past victories against Champa, Burma and Tibet. While we fought the Boers, I was an officer, my heart purged of all feelings but devotion even as I purged those who had none. While we fought against Australia, their bombers tormenting our capital even as Persia and Afghanistan fell to Kruger, I lost heart and sought to hide from the growing storm.

Now that we fight Brazil, there is no place to hide, and no need for doctrine. I face my death as a soldier, and as the gas comes I repeat the creed I have lived and killed for.

Two sisters, ever watchful. One spirit, unbreakable. Two dragons, entwining. One empire, ever glorious.” - paddywagon_man

73

For those of you who haven't read part 120 yet, Yakutia's comeback after being liberated by Brazil was awe inspiring!

In all seriousness, Tygyn Darkhan was a visionary before his time. He expanded well and then ignored all other Civs and remained peaceful. Even when faced with war against the Inuit he preferred to nuke the Inuit troops rather than send yakutian soldiers to their deaths.

His inaction lead to the doom of his civilization as the Koreans consumed all of Yakutia except for the rap studio of Beryozovo. There he remained, laying down sick raps until eventually being silenced by Kuchum Khan. Enjoy the great anime in the sky Tygyn Darkan. F.

74

“By some distance the most underwhelming nation in Africa - and yes, that includes the Ashanti. Shaka is known among Civ players as an absolute pain in the proverbial backside, but that vicious reputation did not hold over to the CBR, where he was content to act as a buffer between the Boers and the Southern Ocean, even squeezing a city onto the southern tip of Madagascar. Only one problem there: the Boers didn't want a state between them and the sea. Who knew? So Shaka's military history, besides an abortive war with Kongo, was limited to their utter destruction by an already ascendant Boer army. The Zulu may have outlived both the Ashanti and Kongo, but undeservedly.” - Lacsirax Ariscal

75

It’s over, it’s done. 60 Civilizations meeting their end. The only spot for here, is to move on. The future is ahead of us gentlemen, and I have seen the turns officially begin to move. Provided there’s no issue, we can see the new iteration of the Battle Royale begin to turn, and shortly after it launches, we’ll begin to vote for the next season so we can keep the Battle Royales turning without end. This is our passion, and from every heart at Blue Cassette, we thank you for the memories, the memes, and the memoirs.

We also thank Burgerkrieg and Dawkinzz for providing a voice to the narration from the beginning to the end, and we can insure you that we can hear more beautifully rolled syllables for the many royales to come. We also thank the lovely map creators, who helped forge a unique identity and help us understand the world around us that more. We also thank TPangolin on starting this game and giving birth to such an amazing community. And finally we thank you for making the final part one of the most upvoted threads in a very long time.

See you at the coming dawn, everyone. See you for Civilizations Battle Royale X Season 1; coming soon.

Coiot's Note: Wednesday the 20th