Civ Battle Royale December 3 ,2021
ItsTruckMonth / Yaampa
Goooooooooooooooooooood morning/evening/midday/noon/whenever good fellas, and welcome back to another episode of the Civ GRAND Royale. I, ItsTruuuuuuuuuuckMonth (or u/yaampa on Reddit) will be your gracious host for today's events. We got a couple slides to recap the last part’s ending, but without further ado, lets sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide right on in fellas.
We’ll begin today’s episode with a pair of recaps from the previous, as we see Azande finishing off that episode with a horde of units coming to lay the smack down on Luba!
Don’t worry though Luba fans, they’ve got a steel defense in the form of…. Uh… one trebuchet. Yeah, uh, unless they pull the greatest of peace treaties out of their rear Luba’s beyond fucked.
Last bit of our recap is the frontlines of the Makhnovia-Timurid conflict. While Atil and Marupol still lay in Makhnovia’s hands, their forces are dwindling. All the while, the Timurid assaulting force is still looking fairly strong.
NOW we can start the show up again, starting with the war between Guaycuru and the O-MA-GAW- *ahem* the Omagua.
While Nuevo Pilcomayo looks to be firmly in the Omagua’s hands, Brasilia doesn’t particularly seem safe, as the Guaycuru are sending a sizable force to take the former Brazilian capital.
Over to the Middle East we seen that Yemen has made peace with the Pahlavis. That’s cool. You know what’s not cool for the Pahlavis? That sizable Egyptian army King Tut is throwing at them. That’s pretty un-cool, I’d say.
We now cut back to our regularly scheduled flip-fest as Corpus Christi is again taken back by CGR’s favorite mormons. Seems like Brigham’s actually decided to up his forces a bit down here, sending in a couple gatling guns to the front. Maybe he can start messing with Texas now?
In other news: There is no news (at least on this front)!
The frontline between the Timurids and Makhnovia has basically remained a stalemate, though Mariupol is now down to the yellow, and the Timurid forces are still looking pretty strong here.
Siam and China make peace, and it doesn’t look like any cities have been traded from what I can tell. That said, Nakhon Si Thammarat is in the deep red, and a Chinese conquest that far into the Siamese core could’ve been a real issue for our main man Rama.
Yemen’s up next to grab an ideology, the 4th one overall, and it’s yet again Liberalism. It feels weird seeing the big powers prioritize liberalism when in other realities they’re always autocratic or communist dystopias.
Funny how it works, hopefully we see a bit of a mixup for our next ideology?
O YOU THOUGHT DIDN’T YOU?
Nope! China grabs liberalism as well in our little free bargain bin sale. Also that’s a suspiciously dense army on the Shu Han border now isn’t it Sun Yat-Sen? What do you have up your sleeve for us today?
Speaking of rump states, how are you doing in your war Lub- oh Jesus Christ.
Mwibele and the Luba capital of Katende are being absolutely swarmed with the armies of Halloween colors. Sierra Leone’s also looking to grab a bit more territory, sending their unique units to Kipushya. Sorry Luba I’ll be back, I’m definitely not in the process of writing your eulogy right now or anything ha ha ha….
The Timurids finally break through and capture both Mariupol and Atil and… set the former ablaze. I guess you can say that’s pretty Mari-mpolite huh? *cue sitcom laugh track*
Moving along from what was undoubtedly the greatest comedic act of the year 1520 AD, this may be as far as the Timurid’s conquest goes as the front line force has pretty much fizzled out.
We get a good shot of the English core which is absolutely littered with longbowmen. Other than that nothing much is going on here except for all these wack as colonies: Yemen in Ireland, Lesotho in Scotland, and the Banana Man in Iberia….hoping over on the white hot sand…
Mariupol’s taken back by the Makhnovian’s before Timur can pull off his own version of the Burning Man festival, and Atil also looks like it may fall back to Nestor’s musket man right there.
Timurid’s cities up north remain unfortified, though. Perhaps the Eastern Finns could capitalize?
The Swedes and Nords make peace, with Uppsala remaining in the Norwegians’ hands, allowing them to essentially lock down the rest of upper Scandinavia! It’s a pretty bad time to be a Swede now: 3 cities and stuck between the Norwegians to the North and Makhnovia to the south, the latter of whom looks to be sending a settler up into Southern Sweden.
They just lost a war to Sweden, Nestor. No need to add insult to injury man.
The Bering Strait seems to be a lovely collection of colonies from multiple civs, and an absolute aneurysm generator to anyone who hates border gore: Yakut, Mongol, Wahgi and Goguryeo have all gotten colonies up here.
Wait, wasn’t there a civ that started in the PNW that could’ve settled up here? Eh, probably no one important.
Makhnovia and the Timurids make peace, with Timur managing to keep their new conquest of Atil. From this screenshot, I’d say Timur’s concentration of a good amount of his forces in one place is kinda concerning. It may just be partially showing them off, but the Kazakh military could be worrisome should they eye unfortified Merv, Bukhara and Shahrisabz.
Just down south, King Tut’s laying on the pressure, as Isfahan is now down to the red. Now, this may just be my opinion, but if I were in Tut’s shoes/sandals/whatever, I would’ve probably brought along some more melee units. Just a matter of personal opinion though.
Alright time for Luba’s eulogy, Luba…. Is not dead? Huh, looks like for some reason progress has just stalemated in their core. Weird but alright I guess.
They shouldn’t relax just yet (hell they shouldn’t be relaxing at all), Azande units are still crawling all over their territory, and Kipushya’s now down to the red.
And look at that! Kipushya falls to Sierra Leone, who immediately dip and sign peace with Luba. They’re still not out of it yet, as Azande’s still got forces in numbers in Luba territory.
And on the topic of the Azande, they just finished the Porcelain Tower!
In a bid to break even from the loss of Atil, Makhnovian forces are now pushing on towards France. It may be a bit tough though, as it seems France is litered with higher-end ranged units, and their unique cannon replacement, the Bombarde-mortier.
Also yeah looks like that Makhnovian settler founded a city just outside Sweden’s turf.
We get a shot of the Eastern Finns’ land and it looks like they have a decent carpet.
You know who doesn’t have a carpet? Those Timurid cities up north. It’d probably be the easiest 4 city gain of your life, Tyushtya, cmon I know you want them.
The Pahlavis and Egypt make peace, and yet Isfahan is still a bright blue hue. Huh, maybe actually bringing fucking melee units wouldn't have been such a bad idea NOW WOULDN’T IT TUT?
The Pahlavis come out of a joint war against the two big powers of the Middle East with a second capital! Was it because of the Pahlavis being absolute tactical geniuses? Not really. Was it because of Egypt’s and Yemen’s incompetence? Definitely more likely.
Looks like a new coalition is brewing against France as Portugal now joins in on the fun! The Makhnovian forces in the top right haven’t seem to have moved, and for the most part look generally outdated against the French army.
Also for some reason all of France’s cities have taken a minor amount of damage, but this will almost certainly not amount to anything major. At least I don’t think so.
Kazakhstan is up next to adopt an ideology and of course it’s liberalism again. Contrary to my previous statement, the Kazakh carpet is looking alright, but still looks like it could nab a couple undefended Timurid cities.
The Illyrians are next to join the Anti-France coalition. With a large naval presence in the Adriatic, there’s a good chance the Illyrians could nab Paris in this conflict and connect their land empire.
Down south in Africa, the city of Mbewe is under an intense naval siege by Lesotho, and with the city being down in the yellow, there’s a good chance that the city could fall soon.
In other news, Carthage joins in on the “Fuck France” movement and LUBA’S NOT DEAD YET? CMON AZANDE GET IT TOGETHER.
Ok so I was completely unaware China and Goguryeo were at war, but it seems like a war I should’ve been covering because we’re seeing some damn good progress here! Hyeondo’s down in the red, and there’s a hefty number of Chinese troops ready to take it.
Hell this slides one of many carpets: Rouran, the Mongols, China and even Shu Han have some decent carpets going for them.
The Texans seem to mess back (again) and retake Corpus Christi! Brigham’s Gatling Gun brigade seems to have vanished, and the Deseret forces down here are quite sparse. Will Houston be able to keep Corpus in their rightful hands this time?
Just down south we get a first look at the Banana Bois’ UU, the Freebooter, a rifleman replacement that gets a 30% combat bonus when fighting on bonus resources, and can pillage plantations in other civs territory without declaring war for some big bucks.
Sounds like the perfect tool to engage in some tomfoolery with other civs.
And as expected, Hyeondo falls to the Chinese. This will probably be the extent of their gains in this war however, as the Goguryeo carpet looks much better closer to their capital.
Ah, what could’ve been, Marajoara. A single city state now surrounded completely by a contender for SA’s superpower. Would it be insane for me to say that maybe, just maybe, in an alternate timeline, Marajoara would’ve been a superpower that basically had a monopoly over all of South America?
Yeah no that’s some crazy talk. Moving on.
Also as expected, Mbewe falls to Lesotho, though there is a possibility that it could be flipped back. While Lesotho units have basically vanished from the Maravi capital, the city of Mankhamba down south is starting to take its first bits of damage.
By looking at this slide alone, you’d never be able to tell that the big bois of South America were actually slugging it out. The war between the Omagua and Guaycuru has really stalled out here, and I don’t expect any more city exchanges in the foreseeable future.
Meanwhile Inca troops seem to be flooding into Guaycuru territory to the west.
Hey, uh, that’s an awful lot of troops heading towards Portugal there, eh Sierra Leone. What do you have planned they’re bud?
Also in possibly more peaceful news, Bengal builds the pyramids.
Illyria’s making good progress in this war, as they’ve brought Paris down to half health and have multiple melee units ready to take the city.
Meanwhile, looks like Nestor just fucking bailed. He may have artillery, but his invading force just bolted.
Looks like Brigham’s actually decided to put some effort into this war (about time honestly) and has not only taken back Corpus Christi, but has also sent down the brunt of his military force to take care of the pesky little Cowboys.
If I were in Houston’s boots, I’d sue for peace right about now.
Mbewe falls back to the Maravi, but may be flip material as Lesotho forces are still around.
Also AZANDE REALLY. NO DAMAGE TO LUBA CITIES? THEY SHOULD’VE BEEN BRIGHT ORANGE BY NOW god I hope Egypt rumps your ass.
War breaks out in the land down under as the Ngarrindjeri declares war on the Bunuba. The former (bruh I ain’t typing that out again) easily has the tech advantage, and I can definitely see Bandilngan falling.
Also it looks like we have another ideology PleasedontbeliberalisPleasedontbeliberalismPleasedontbeliberalism
FUCK
Guaycuru is next up to grab an ideology and of course it’s liberalism. Can we please get another kind of ideology dangit?
We get ourselves a shot of the Yemeni core, who seem to be the first to be wielding Great War Infantry. They should definitely use this tech lead to their advantage against their enemies. In fact, the Azande capital’s lookin’ awfully vacant of defenses...
Down in the Falklands we get a look at Sierra Leone’s 2nd UU, the Company Ship. This UU gives a WLTK day to the origin city for the last 10 turns of a trade route going to a city on another land mass, and gains Golden Age Points when trading with civs with a DoF.
Alright its about time we see Sierra Leone take the rest of West Africa from Portugal’s clutches! Wait, it’s not against Portugal? Ok apparently they declared war against Carthage for some reason and are basically funneling their troops through a one tile wide gap in a war that will assuredly amount to nothing.
You’re shooting at the wrong targets, Peters!
Mbewe falls back to Lesotho, and this time it looks like it’ll stay a nice cyan hue as there are no Maravi forces near the area. Even if there were, I’d keep them closer to the core as Lesotho’s really putting the pressure on the Maravi core here: Mankhamba’s taking damage and is surrounded by multiple Lesotho units.
Yemen also politely tells Carthage to go fuck itself by joining in on the anti-Carthage coalition. They actually look like they can do some real damage here, as they have a fairly large navy around their Grecian holdings.
Oh boy, another ideology. Seems like Bengal’s next to pick up libe- wait a minute. We finally get a new ideology: Neutrality! Thank god, someone with new material, but speaking of being unoriginal:
*ahem*
In other news, Bengal’s adopted Neutrality (they’re on a 1 turn streak!). This has been your daily Neutral update.
Add Portugal to that list too, as they’ve just declared war on Carthage as well! Carthage is basically surrounded on all sides at this point.
Up north, Illyria’s brought Paris down into the red, though their military has fizzled out quite a bit up here.
We get a shot of the Siamese core and their new UU, the King’s Guard. Yet another rifleman replacement, they have the same skills of the usual rifleman, but also get extra XP when trained in the capital! They should be a useful tool should China or Bengal come knocking on their doors again.
Looks like I’m not the only one tired of Liberalism, as communism has taken over in Makhnovia! Is this the start of a global communist takeover, or just an isolated incident?
Looks like the former, as Deseret has also gone communist, with Brigham now instituting Jell-O Redistribution Policies! Down south, it looks like things have stagnated in their war with Texas.
Ngarrindjeri seems to have pushed through to Bandilngan, and has now started damaging the city, though there is still a bit of resistance by the locals.
To the west, one damaged musketman makes a vain attempt to make his country proud, pushing on towards Darlngunaya. Godspeed, little one. You’ll basically make no difference in the war but it's the spirit that counts.
Yeah I didn’t know the Pahlavis and the White Huns were at war either, can you blame me? Well with that done, the Pahlavis have entered an era of peace, but for how long? They’re surrounded by Makhnovia, the Timurids, Egypt and Yemen. They’ve still got their work cut out for them should they want to become a greater power in the Middle East.
The progress in Lesotho’s invasion of Maravi is slow but still existent, as Mankhamba has now fallen down to the yellow, and by my count, only 2 units remain to defend their capital. Could the Maravi be the target of our next F key?
We get a shot of the colonization of Greenland, with Deseret taking up a majority of land around here, and New France settling two cities to the east.
Alright peace break’s done back to war!
Guaycuru’s slowly yet surely pushed units into Omagua territory, yet no cities are taking damage just yet. Don’t expect this meat grinder to be interesting anytime soon.
Ok nevermind the wars are boring so back to peace!
Rashtrakuta’s core is shown off, and they’re still flaunting their unique pikeman replacement. Other than that, they’re just idling by, waiting for Bengal to come back down for another shot at reuniting India.
Also, the Banana Bois have built the Forbidden City!
Here we see Makhnovia’s core, which is looking pretty nice with their healthy numbers of riflemen, artillery and cavalry. They’ve also completed work on the Brandenburg Gate, which will give Nestor’s units a nice experience boost.
We now turn to Shoshone, the arguable top dog of North America, with their utterly frightening, spine-chilling and legendary….. empty core. For the leading power of the plains his military forces are looking quite paltry, though the geography of his borders may allow him to get away with that.
And for our last gameplay shot of the day, we see that Luba is still somehow alive and that the war has not progressed one bit! The notes here say they’re defending well but let’s be real, is Luba actually defending well, or is Azande just a bunch of tactical dropouts who can’t fight wars good?
And here we are at the end of this episode, let’s take a look at the top dogs of the cylinder: Timurids take top spot with their rivals Makhnovia close behind. Yemen jumps to 3rd, and China makes their first appearance at 4th! Shoshone and Deseret seemed to have taken quite the drop though, now just barely showing up at 5th and 6th place respectively. Bengal just edges out at 7th.
Just below that, we see New France, Omagua, Egypt, the Yakuts, Guaycuru, and …….the Azande. Trust me these rankings would be very, VERY different if AI and tactical prowess were factored.
And now we get a look at who the big losers of this game are: Brazil, the Bunuba, Mixtecs, Srivijaya, Marajoara, and the “cream of the crap,” Ur.
And with that I’ll be signing off today. A slower bit of an episode in my opinion but some nice entertaining bits nevertheless. It’s been ya boi, ITSTRUCKMONTH, signing off!