Chapter 11: Growing Pains (and I Don’t Just Mean Liberalism) – G1

Hello and welcome to Episode 11 of the Civilization Grand Royale, hosted by ExplosiveWatermelon, Coiot, and the whole /r/CivBattleRoyale showrunning team! My name is /u/Weasel_Man, and boy do I have an exciting part lined up for you.

It’s been a dream to narrate a CBR episode for a long time - I, like I’m sure many of you, have been following this crazy community since the very first Battle Royale by /u/thenyanmaster almost seven years ago. I’m grateful to the showrunners for giving me this opportunity to write an enormous amount outside of a grad school context. Without further ado, let’s get on with the simulated bloodshed!

To catch everyone up from last week’s riveting episode, we begin on the East Coast of North America with a look at New France. Louis de Buade was very hyped coming into the Royale (with a Part 0 ranking of #3!), and proved to make quick work of their other New rival. While their conflicts have cooled off substantially, let’s have a look at that core!

Very healthy build-up here, staring down the...very empty barrel of the Shoshone. When they do face off (and mark my words, they shall), it’s bound to be legendary - a #1 prelim rank against a #3 doesn’t come around every day. Not sure if they’ll be the next target of the army, however, with those four embarked cannons off the coast. Can’t do much with ‘em there, de Buade!

A skirmish takes place outside Richardson, and the enigmatic Houston retains control.

And, a war which started as an odd declaration from Sierra Leone has morphed into an existential threat for Dido, as the coalition descends on all sides. Portugal and Yemen are poised to do the most damage. I can’t say I expect Carthage to put up much of a fight. Qart Hadasht seems a particularly ripe prize for the plucking, at a central Mediterranean location and with an impressive 23 population (and that’s after an embargo!).

Perhaps Dido’s Great Admiral would be of more use if he had ships to command rather than outmoded crossbows.

Meanwhile, up north, France continues to be at the pointy end of Illyria’s big stick. Time will tell if the brave defense of Venetian Paris amounts to much.

On with the show! And jumping right into the thick of it too, as the Azande finally begin to bear down on Luba. Mwibele is already lower than half health, and if it were to fall, Katende would be easily approached. Gbudwe just has to keep that one lancer alive, as the rest of his melee units are spread to the wings.

The Maravi and Sweden have decided to put aside their petty differences, realizing they forgot what they were fighting about in the third place. They end up getting Thai takeout and renting Kung Fu Hustle.

Shifting over to good ol’ Terra Nullius, the Ngarrindjeri have battered Jandamarra’s doors well enough and have Bandilngan down to 1 HP! This would appear to be wretched news for the Bunuba, unless of course, Ngurunderi forgot to bring a melee unit to the fight.

In fact, the Ngarrindjeri only have one melee unit on the entire screen, a measly trireme in the bottom right! The tech advantage is clearly in their favor, but strategy may not be a strong suit.

The Ket and the Guaycuru realize they want to join the movie party too, and make peace.

Returning to a dismal Carthage, where the capital is nearly at half health! Surrounded on all invadable tiles by Portuguese privateers, it seems Yemen may not have much of a chance for the capture. The same can’t be said of Hippo Regius, however, which could be assimilated into their queen’s Mediterranean holdings with a wave of her hand.

Illyria continues to fail in the conquest of Paris. The unit supremacy is there, it just needs to be carried out!

Lesotho carves out Mankhamba, reducing the Maravi to one city... on flat land... with only a single crossbowman standing in the way of conquest. I’d start numbering the days, but lots of Moshoeshoe’s army is very badly damaged indeed.

Also of note on this slide, take a look at Yemen’s army! Already on artillery and Great War Infantry, and filling up even her far-flung colonies. I wouldn’t be surprised if Moshoeshoe and al-Suryahi came to blows (and the Arabians came out on top).

Yemen has recruited Oliver Cromwell, the head of the Parliamentary army, to govern Jibla and Mecca. Maybe he’ll convince his queen to begin a great holy war, or maybe he’ll just try to imbue the province with that famous Protestant work ethic. Those colonies certainly seem to be growing like a family of Catholic jackrabbits.

With the four ironclads in her arsenal, Yemen could very easily unite all of Madagascar under its warm taupe colors. It’s uncommon to see an Arabian civ perform this well in a Battle Royale, so I’m all for it.

We return to Qart Hadasht, which has lost *checks notes* the in-game equivalent of a million and a half Phoenecians in the siege. Carlos has a bloodlust that can only be sated by a capital in his clutches (and maybe Utique too, but he hasn’t made any progress in that respect yet).

Meanwhile, Yemen has begun the assault on Hippo Regius. With Portuguese ships in the vicinity though, we could witness a snipe. Sure to engender bad blood, even among coalition-members.

Up north, Paris is still under assault, and Illyria has withdrawn a very almost dead cannon from the front lines.

And indeed the Carthaginian capital falls on the very next turn! With it, Carlos extends his control over North Africa even further. He doesn’t seem to be done yet, with Hippo Regius nearly in the red and most Yemeni units withdrawn.

Now to see what becomes of Utique, which has yet to be attacked. Maybe Carlos will leave it intact as a monument to eternal Carthaginian ineptitude!

The Azande have finally knocked Luba down to one city with the capture of Mwibele! The capital of Katende is surrounded by pillaged tiles, and now there are enough melee units in the vicinity to take it!

Lesotho’s looking mighty empty. It would be a shame if they were the subject of a coalition, hmm?

It wouldn’t be a Battle Royale if some Hunnic or Mongol offshoot didn’t do anything. The White Huns, turtling proudly in the Hindu Kush, are still wielding their UU swordsman replacement, the Xingar-yir. It’s a little late in the game to still be wielding swordsmen, isn’t it, Toramana?

They don’t seem to be terribly far behind their neighbors in techs, either, which is the curious thing about it all! But faced with wars, truly only Sakala would be safe.

Jimmu is one of the first civs ever to have united the island of Japan in a BR! But what has he done with all that land? Surely not much in the way of production - a mostly-filled core, but what is that worth with the bloodthirsty Sun Yat-Sen breathing down your neck? And using not one, but two tiles of land at a high premium for archeological sites? Just shows not everyone is in this for the conquering.

Hard to say if Maurice of Nassau will make a big splash in the region. Certainly no Spaniards to excise from the Korean Netherlands as in the history of our cylinder.

With Qart Hadasht firmly in Portuguese mitts, the assault on Utique has begun and the one on Hippo Regius nearly finished. Yemeni melee units are not in position to take the city. Just as well - who would want to border Carlos right now? He’s on the warpath.

Thomas Peters might be trying to sneak a unit or two into the conflict over Utique, but that would only serve to antagonize Carlos and stretch his empire thin.

Venetian Paris update: still under siege, still at about half health, and not likely to flip hands anytime soon.

A knight sneaks its way into Bandilngan, and the Ngarrindjeri have taken control. With all those gatling guns to defend with, you’d think it’d be safe from any flips. This doesn’t seem to be Jandamarra’s finest game. He’s sitting in the corner of his war room right now, sipping a piña colada and reminiscing on the glory days of his Kimberley leadership, which ended in... well, maybe it’s not important.

The Wahgi are in fairly good shape for a South Pacific island civ at this point in the game, though they should really try to strike while the iron is hot here. If they make significant gains against the Bunuba, it could be a solid industrial base they’d need to avoid the usual South Pacific island civ fate.

In the sidebar, the Fuck France coalition may be coming to an end, as the Snoryaks be the bigger men and sue for peace.

Now a shot of Central Europe. It’s sad (perhaps pathetic is a more apt term) to see civs crippled quite like this - there are more former French-founded cities than current ones. And that ratio could be worsening, one day... if Illyria ever takes Paris below half health.

Teuta certainly has the upper hand here, and all the ranged unit firing points one could ask for, but just isn’t using them effectively. Maybe the AI isn’t up to this particular task - I reckon most human players could have taken Paris an age ago.

Henry V has certainly overcome this historical weakness of the British TSL, and established himself well on the European mainland. However, he’s going to have to get rid of his sentimentality and upgrade those longbowmen if he wants to compete long term.

Portugal has run right in and taken Hippo Regius, reducing Carthage to just the city of Utique. Is it worth the warmonger penalty to finish her off, Carlos? Dido certainly isn’t putting up much of a fight, with her only remaining unit a worker stationed inside the city.

Small amounts of damage coming against Lyon, perhaps from Lesotho, who have maneuvered four different ships into the Mediterranean to take pot shots at poor Jeanne d’Arc.

The Ngarrindjeri consolidate their homeland a little more, removing the blight of Siam’s small city of Chonburi. They’re wielding a decent-not-great army and navy, but have the frigate advantage that New Zealand lacks as of yet.

Interesting that no civs have claimed Uluru yet, as the AI tends to beeline settling near natural wonders. Perhaps the faith bonus means little to this area of the world that knows no gods and masters, yet to adopt a religion.

Eystein’s Norway seems to be in pretty good shape, a sharp divergence from the typical Royale that leaves the Scandinavians to squabble and die whimpering amongst themselves. Unlocking frigates would be a great help, as they seem to outclass Sweden in almost every military category besides naval ranged.

Sweden can rest easy knowing that the Timurids are no longer a threat to invade Stockholm. Norway, on the other hand...

In other news, that Yakutian settler looks poised to make Tyukanskoye a friend. Isn’t that a little far from your capital, Darkhan?

The Pahlavis are just the next domino to fall in the worldwide scourge of Liberalism. That certainly won’t make them any friends in Communist Makhnovia, but that’s not an imminent threat - their army seems to be otherwise indisposed elsewhere. Speaking of armies, Pahlavi, where are you embarking that group of cannons and gatling guns to?

Yemen, who seems in the early-going to be a real contender in this game, has built the Statue of Liberty. Certainly by the population totals it seems they’ve been collecting huddled masses!

Trouble on the Indian subcontinent as conflict WAR breaks out between Rashtrakuta and Bengal! Muhammad Khan seems like he should be the obvious favorite in this conflict, but it seems he left his army in the Northeast reaches of his empire. That could prove to be a little dangerous - even behind in tech, Mayurkhandi is mostly undefended at the moment and Rashtrakuta could make a play.

Unless those units move fast, or a real game-changer joins the war, it doesn’t seem like the end of the line for Amoghavarsha quite yet.

Is that a game-changer enough? No...I don’t really think so. Timur also declares war on Rashtrakuta, but would have to cross a handful of messy borders to have any serious impact on the war.

Meanwhile, though England has made a convincing breach into mainland Europe, Henry V has failed to consolidate the isles, leaving Scotland and part of Ireland open to Lesothan  and Yemeni settlements.

Good for King Tut, the brave soul to first settle Iceland. Does that put him in the line of fire of Deseret, the stewards of Greenland? Who had Egypt-Utah conflict on their BR bingo cards?

With the lightest kiss from a musketman, the former Carthaginian empire could be all Portuguese.

Jeez, look at the breadth of Carlos’s expansion into North Africa! With many of them undefended, though, time will tell if the African continent will strike back and punish his hubris.

Heading down to Patagonia, we see a nearly-uninterrupted settlement from the Guaycuru, who have cleaned up nicely in South America - they hold about half of its landmass at the moment. But, there’s a little thorn in Eso’s side, as the Inca found Machu right in Tierra del Fuego. I wouldn’t be playing with fire if I were the Inca, as Guaycuru could roll over and end their existence.

In the sidebar, we see France swapping one foe for another - peace with Sweden allows for war with the Ket to break out.

Heading to bordergore galore, central Russia, where Rouran has bravely declared war against the Ket. Well, maybe foolhardishly would be a more appropriate word. Unless there are some other coalition members besides faraway France, this could be a serious mistake for our bright yellow friends who are seriously outclassed in terms of military might (at least in the northern colonies) . Given Ket’s unwillingness to expand, this could be a few free cities on a silver platter.

Jimmu shoots his shot and declares war on Goguryeo! A shame that none of Japan’s military seems to be in position, or even with a great path towards Goguryean cities, since it looks like Sun Yat-Sen’s settler is poised to plop a frustrating little city across the river from modern-day Seoul.

On the bright side, that probably staves off Chinese invasion a little longer due to the war buddies diplo boost!

F

And with that, Carlos fulfills the great dream of the Roman Censor Cato, destroying Carthage once and for all. Carthage is officially eliminated in 51st place.

It’s tough to eulogize a civ that didn’t do much and didn’t amount to much... so I’ll just say that Qart Hadasht was probably a great place to live in its heyday.

The new province has been renamed Carlosthage. Citizens find it difficult to pronounce, and the Portuguese settlers don’t even have a sound for the “age” phoneme, but kings will do what kings will do.

China shows just how far it will go for a grudge, capturing and instantly razing Shin, on the Pacific (or Arctic?) coast of Alaska. That poor Goguryean gatling gun is going to have to trudge for a long time through the cold to get back home.

That is, if there’ll be a home to return to.

Oh, hey, Khazaria! Forgot you were there. Looks like you forgot you were there, too! You forgot to expand, or tech up, or really do much of anything besides be the only adopter of Judaism. But at least you’ve got something new going on!

The little sword icon is the Bek, Khazaria’s Great General replacement. It can be used to passively convert cities it’s stationed in, which would be helpful if Khazaria had participated in any wars and had to convert any cities, but this is not the case.

The World Bank seems to have been putting in their work, as you’ll see over these next few slides! Egypt, like so many of its neighbors already, adopts Liberalism. That oughta put them in good graces with Yemen and bad graces with Makhnovia.

Meanwhile, Rouran joins the war against Goguryeo. Maybe focus on your own stupid escapade against the Ket before antagonizing everyone on the cylinder, Mugulu?

Jolly old England adopts Liberalism. (That’s not a particularly good thing for monarchs, Henry...)

Three English settlers on this slide. Wonder where they’re going! Not much left of the Cylinder left unsettled, unless now it’s Garbage Antarctic City Spam Time!

Azande picks up Liberalism, too. All of their citizens vote to keep on invading Luba.

On a side note, look at Sana’a! 38 pop in 1685 AD is nothing to shake a stick at - plus, al-Sulayhi seems to be trying to part the Red Sea with boats alone.

As does Lesotho. All of their citizens vote to keep on invading the Maravi.

Both Katende and Manthimba have begun to take damage - could we be seeing a triple-elimination this episode?

Paris is finally beginning to take some serious damage, and with that level of unit swarm, Jeanne d’Arc looks to be in serious trouble! Really, most of her units have evaporated over the past few turns. And every single city she owns is currently damaged.

Keep your head steady, Teuta, and you can finally nab the Venetian prize you desire.

(You can call the Illyrians a violet, whatever. It’s near the end of the visible light spectrum.)

...and yep, the Ket are capitalizing on this bafflingly stupid move and have begun the siege of Woulouhou. If they capture the city, Ket’s generals will certainly be saying “wouhou!”

Where’s that northern detachment going, Olgit? Are you going north because you think the yellow sun is your enemy? I have bad news for you - you’d need about ten trillion lions to defeat the sun.

Paris finally falls to the Illyrians, with no hope of French recapture. Now, it’ll be interesting to see where Teuta goes from here - grab another Mediterranean port in Lyon, or try their hand at central Europe in Debrecen?

Either way, it’s starting to be a risky bet. The tech weakness certainly must be obvious to Illyria’s neighbors, and production doesn’t seem to be replacing all of the lost units well.

Makhnovia has a really sparse border in that region - perhaps they know Illyria and France are no real threat, but perhaps they’re gearing up for something else...

Well, Bengal does indeed get it together in no time, bringing a hefty chunk of units to the war down south. Already the Rashtrakutan core has been decimated, and won’t be putting up much resistance against the oncoming invasion.

Turns out, when you place a Great Person-focused civ (Rashtrakuta) next to a warmongerer (Bengal), the expected thing happens. Can’t sing your way out of this one, Amoghavarsha.

As the Pahlavis bear down on Khazaria (and try to put them out of their misery), we can draw attention to their UU, the Literacy Corps (the thing that looks like a book). Though the Pahlavis are still wielding musketmen, the Literacy Corps is a marine replacement, so something funny is happening in their tech tree priorities.

I also apologize for my expectation that the Maravi could be going out this episode - how could I forget about the all-important and very connected Tamantarkha that Khazaria decided to toss away for some godforsaken reasons?

I swear, some leaders couldn’t be doing worse if they were trying to have the light of their civilizations extinguished.

Cascadia is the next to cry the name of Liberalism. Careful not to host any Free Trade events in your capital city, Russell, or you’re bound to face internal dissent!

We all had such high hopes for you, Cascadia! Standing at #4 in the preliminary power rankings, I’m not sure three cities and a halfway decent military is grounds for applause. Deseret, on the other hand, is filling the land with Mormon babies and...well, they aren’t doing much with their military now, but just you wait until it comes time for their missionary work.

With the Shoshone founding Mahaguaduka (and another city well on the way), Russell is running out of places to expand. Though at this stage in the game, it’s not like it’d make a huge difference!

The Ngarrindjeri have likewise heard the seductive call of the almighty Free Market, and bow their heads to Liberalism. Their citizens vote to continue the assault on Junjuwa, but only a little bit.

Gosh, that’s a sizable little navy contingent Holyoake is sending through Wahgi territory. What are those wacky Kiwis up to?

Most importantly on this slide, there are two notifications in the sidebar - the Mixtecs have blown the horn of war against the Marajoara (sure to be a thrilling escapade), and a crucial peace has been brokered...

The Azande military-industrial complex has determined that Luba is no longer worth pillaging, nor their capital a prize worth taking. With all razed tiles bar one farm up north and a single trebuchet to their name, Luba lives to fight another day! How much longer is yet to be determined.

Meanwhile, the Lesothan incursion into Maravi’s capital seems to be going well, if not going particularly fast. Doesn’t Moshoeshoe know cannons can’t shoot over mountains? Get that sucker into range!

Things are looking even more grim for Rashtrakuta, as Bengal begins its naval assault on Sthambadri. Cannons and gatling guns are closing in on Amoghavarsha’s capital, but he has abandoned his palace, joining the merry minstrels heading south out of the city.

Again, with another high-pop capital! The Bengali city of Murshidabad, at pop 38, has an equivalent real-world population of 26,509,000. Dhaka ain’t too shabby, either.

Manthimba, now down to the yellow, has only a Great General, a crossbowman, and a knight to defend the city. It will almost certainly fall, unless Lesothans vote their way out of a capital capture like the Azande. But I suspect not too long from now, Kalonga Mazula will be fleeing to his accidental colony of Tamantarkha.

Yemen continues to display industrial prowess, completing...a wonder I am not familiar with, but hoping the showrunners can help me out with!

Yakutia joins the Liberalism boys’ club, and is the eighth so far to do it in the episode! But holy moly, look at all those low-pop, yet somehow productive cities. Hopefully that production goes towards a military soon, since it looks like Mongolia is itching for a war to test out its toys on. Plus, getting a piece of Goguryeo doesn’t seem too bad a deal.

Strange for Makhnovia to declare war on Luba out of the blue, unless it means there’s a coalition building to finish them off for good this time?

Further south, Sun Yat-Sen continues his barrage on Goguryeo, and that army is getting mighty close to Gungnae. In only a few parts, China has really amassed quite an impressive amount of productive and populous land. If they filled it all with units... euugh. It makes me shudder just to think of it.

We also see the introduction of the Tongmenghui, China’s UU and replacement for the Great War Infantry! This handy little unit is stronger the happier China is, so it’ll be important for Sun Yat-Sen to keep morale boosted. Maybe a little less conquest for the time being would do the trick.

Did you know that locusts and grasshoppers are actually the same species? It was thought for hundreds of years that the two were different, but it turns out that locusts are just grasshoppers that have undergone a chemical change. You see, grasshoppers are usually very antisocial, but when enough serotonin is released, they change coloration and begin swarming. And one way to release that serotonin? Brushing up against the back of each others’ legs, effectively tickling each other and making the swarm larger and larger!

Bengal must have gone into serotonin overdrive, because they’re swarming Rashtrakuta. Sthambadri is at half health, and Lattaluru has started to take damage.

Joining the Rashtrakuta campaign - perhaps a little too late - is Illyria. Not sure I’d want them on my team given how long it took them to walk into Paris.

Which, speaking of, is a conflict still going on! Is it possible Lyon has flipped to have such a dramatic population loss (they were at 9 earlier this episode), or have people been starved out by the constant barrage? Either way, the city could be Illyrian not too long from now.

The same could be said of Debrecen, which has mounted a slightly better defense, but still finds itself in the yellow. Any way you see it, France has really cut the cheese on this one.

Perhaps Mongolia and Yakutia won’t come to blows quite yet, as the Liberalism Club gains a new member. Tsakhiagiin Elbegdorj receives a velvet smoking jacket with monogrammed initials. The tailor breathes a sigh of relief, thankful that he didn’t have to attempt the spelling (a mistake, of course, could be deadly).

Up north, Ket has Woulouhou in the red, and just needs one final push to take the city. Will they succeed? Will that weird eastern flank actually join the battle? Why am I asking you all these questions?

Yes they will! With that city capture, Olgit enlarges his empire’s holdings 50%...yeesh, how depressing. At this point in the game, it is no longer a real achievement to amass the same number of cities as an embarrassed France.

Perhaps even more embarrassing, the open borders that war dictates allowed two Rouran settlers to pass directly under Kellog’s nose. And great googly moogly, two more settlers for Yakutia? Is their happiness not in the toilet?

Sun Yat-Sen continues to surround the Goguryeo capital, but likewise continues to not do damage to the Goguryeo capital. The necessary units to take it are without a doubt there - what’s the hold-up, China? Having happiness issues?

Hopefully not distracting too much production from the existential threat literally on the doorstep, Gwanggaeto has declared his intention to rid the world of Luba once and for all.

Maybe I don’t give Goguryeo enough credit. After all, they are only one of two civs in this picture not actively wielding trebuchets (the other being Yakutia, sporting artillery).

Newspaper editors in Katende are unsure of which bit of news to run as their headline: War with Portugal Finally at a Close; Down With the Sierra Leonean Dogs; Katende’s Western Border Ceded to Azembe in Appeasement... the list goes on. But it seems that once again, Luba could be under threat - that is, only if Sierra Leone has open borders with Azembe. Seeing no units of either civ within the other’s borders, we can conclude that Luba rests (albeit uneasy) another night.

And, in the top right corner, we see Yemen sporting the first aircraft carrier of the game! Who’s ready for some good, old-fashioned carrier spam?

A bit of diplomatic magic allows Goguryeo to stretch their legs once again, as China is rocketed back to within their own borders. Perhaps four city captures was enough for one war, anyhow - and there are more pressing civs to deal with, like the Shu Han city state of Wenshan.

A Deseret scout, finding itself surrounded in the Yellow Sea, realizes it should’ve taken a right in Albequerque.

A Bunuba spearman has really lost track of the time, but is really enjoying his time stuck between two mountains.

Sthambadri has been set ablaze! Despite its strategic value, the fact that it has Sri Pada, a marble quarry and a source of bananas, Muhammad Khan deems the island unworthy of even the memory of Rashtrakutan occupation.

Lattaluru and Manyakheta have both lost population, but not sustained serious damage. Judging by the quick burn of the new conquest, are the Bengals unhappy about something? Do they need to talk?

For all you eagle-eyed viewers out there, you might have noticed that a continent was conspicuously missing from the majority of this image album. That would be South America, the theater for the war between the Guaycuru and the Omagua! A big push from the Guaycuru means Lula’s former São Paulo has begun taking damage!

Nuevo Pilcomayo seems too far gone at this point for Eso to worry much about, but if he could make serious inroads against São Paulo and Brasília, that tune might change.

Look at the Marajoara... sitting there... not doing much... I’m sure it won’t be long before one of their hungry neighbors desires a very easy snack. That said, a land with a miniscule, outdated army and one great musician could be pretty close to paradise

Elsewhere, the bloodless feud between the Ngarrindjeri and Siam comes to a close.

Illyria, playing the long game as ever, has ground Debrecen down to 1 HP. As long as it doesn’t get stuck while crossing the river, that musketman looks poised to make the final blow! Even if Lyon has been abandoned, this would make a pretty sweet prize.

Up north, forces gather on the Makhnovian/Swedish border. That’s an army fit for a proper invasion; if Norway joined in, we’d be singing our sweet farewells to Christina.

The Pahlavis have Balanjar surrounded and are trying to do the impossible: make Khazaria read books. Four Literacy Corps bear down on the city, with another lying in wait across the Caspian Sea.

In all the hubbub, a Khazarian great prophet escaped - go forth, prophet! Spread your religion beyond just one city!

Also, considering the pretty stark tech mismatch that has developed, another conflict with Makhnovia would be a disaster for Timur. The humanitarian in me wants to see peace, but the carnage-crazed Civ 5 psychopath in me would like to see Makhnovia make mincemeat of ‘em.

One of Jandamarra’s last marks on the world seems to be extinguished soon - Siam’s at the door, and they brought a pretty sizable exploratory corps with them. Buriram’s one tile is bravely defended by a single cannon and his great general, all to protect the 1 pop of Bunuba citizens residing there.

One of the cylinder’s bloodiest battles comes to a close, as the Ket and France make nice. (I’m kidding of course, but how funny would it be to see the Ket take Orleans?)

Well, if Rashtrakuta’s life wasn’t forfeit before, it certainly is now - Yemen, with a nearby fleet of caravels and ironclads, has joined in on the fun. Bengal still has both cities surrounded, so time will tell if al-Sulayhi can get her licks in, but they wouldn’t be the most filling morsels anyway. Attrition has knocked both Manyakheta’s and Lattaluru’s populations down to the low single digits.

Bengal sure does have a lot of gatling guns, and they aren’t the only ones! Very useful for war, for certain, but only if they’re stationed next to the unit or city they want to attack. Piles and piles of them are just there as a morale boost.

“Sir!”

An aide bursts into Jandamarra’s throne room, with the news from the front line that the Ngarrindjeri have begun to batter the capital walls.

“You must send reinforcements to the edge of the city - Ngurunderi has mustered up riflemen, gatling guns, and cannons, and the city is under attack.”

Hearing no response, not even seeing movement from the figure atop the throne, the aide draws closer to inspect.

“...sir?” the aide asks, and gently tugs Jandamarra’s robe. The robe gives way to reveal a dummy made out of pillows, sticks, and a cantaloupe.

Attached to the chest is a note that reads in nearly-illegible script, “Gone to Buriram on holiday. It’s so stressful to be a leader all the time.” If only he knew what was waiting for him on the other side...

And with that, we come to the end of the episode. Time as always to see the winners and losers!

Walking away as a big winner today is Yemen! Queen Arwa al-Sulayhi takes the top spot from the Shoshone, but is facing some internal discontentment. We may yet see a communist future for some of these big Liberal dogs that seem to suffer from eternal unhappiness.

The Shoshone were largely unfeatured this episode, but it’s fair to assume they kept on keeping on and stayed out of conflict with the other big dog in North America, Deseret in 5th. Makhnovia and the Timurids - star-crossed lovers - will be meeting each other in glorious battle in the near future, I promise you this.

Yakutia squeaks in at the bottom - maybe all those tiny cities pay off?

Our middle-tier powers have shaken up a bit, with Guaycuru and the Bengals leading the batch. Another day of maintenance for Mongolia and New France, but a particularly strong showing from the Ngarrindjeri has bumped them up in the rankings.

Kazakhstan is #1 exporter of potassium.

In a way, it’s hilarious that France is being torn apart by the second-worst civ in the game in Illyria. As for the rest of this crew, they’re all either recent or long-time members of the rump club. I’m certain Jandamarra would be incensed to discover the Bunuba have fallen so far, but he’s getting a shiatsu massage right now and can’t answer his phone.

Thank you all very much for listeni-er, reading this episode of the Civilization Grand Royale. There’s so much left to be determined, and the game could still be in anyone’s hands, but the powers are starting to show themselves! On behalf of the showrunners, this is /u/Weasel_Man, and I’ll see you on the sub!