Chapter 6: The Great Rump-making – G1

Welcome back! My name is /u/ExplosiveWatermelon and I make civs like I make bad decisions-

Quite a few in a short amount of time.

Last we left off, 3 Civilizations got eliminated: The Almohads, New England, and Pomerania. Of the three, the Almohads were probably the biggest surprise from when we started off, given that they were a pretty decent civ in all performances. However, AI games combine a number of factors, and this just wasn’t their day.

Sierra Leone was also getting eaten by Sokoto, before Sokoto itself got eaten by Luba. Let’s take a look, shall we?

Our current leader in the ranking, updated just earlier today, is the Shoshone! I’ll have more to say about them in a bit, but overall they’re a really solid power, and the PRs seem to agree.

The Shoshone, led by the infallible Washakie, have left a huge blister upon the face of North America. Not only have they chipped off Texas, but they also hold the capital of the Choctaw. However, they don’t field an elimination yet- the only elimination in North America so far has been that of New England by New France.

The Ket declared war on Yuge Muge of Rouran, but perhaps their biggest threat is the growing Kazakh presence. Good luck breaking through to Woulouhou.

Let’s begin!

Stavropol has been captured by one of the most unique Unique Units on the face of the planet- the Meadow Ski-Axeman, which sounds like grant randomly rolled adjectives and added them together until they made sense. In any case, the Eastern Finns hold Stavropol at this point and are likely to hold on to it.

Liu Bei loses his capital to China! The fall of Chengdu marks the end of Shu Han prosperity and the start of a continuous rise for the great Chinese state. Shu Han does not look like they can take it back at this time.

Bauh has been captured by the Wahgi. King James Brooke is looking to get Sarawak’d off. However, it should be mentioned that the Wahgi are a notable underperformer from tests, and yet seem to have a powerful empire forming in this game.

Bengal is one of the most notable civs on this side of the cylinder- having been a constant overperformer in tests, and an easy powerhouse. Not only are they militarily competent, their growth bonuses make them a threat to early neighbors, such as the diminutive Rashtrakuta. The Paik is actually a UU I helped design, and it’s pretty strong near rivers and while stacked with naval units. If you couldn’t guess, this region is mostly rivers.

Well, Sokoto’s pretty much down and out. Their last city isn’t even annexed. Perhaps it’s time to explain a bit of why Sokoto got in-

Sokoto was an inside joke because a member of the dev team, DarthKyofu, had a dream about CBRX where Jamaica was eliminated by Sokoto, who wasn’t appearing in the game. Thus, it was determined that this would be ‘good banter’ if we included them in CGR. It was not. Moving on.

The Guaycuru declare war on Kaweskar, and Marajoara joins in, but don’t be fooled by Kaweskar’s lack of any military or skill- the terrain gives them a distinct advantage. That is, if Guaycuru doesn’t just use boats.

Puerto Castilla sits at half health, but Marajoara only has a single trireme nearby. However, a large invasion force sits nearby. This could be the move P’kuee needs to get out on top.

The Mixtecs are currently sitting in a comfortable hole they’ve dug for themselves. Not only have they failed in all military manners, but they manage to outdo themselves each time they fail. They previously gave up Tlaxiaco to the UFC, who quite frankly could never have taken the city by force. It’s just not in the nature of the UFC to steal territory in Central America.

Louis de Buade sets his gaze to the remnants of the Choctaw empire- a smart move if he wants to pull ahead of the Shoshone, but ultimately it seems the Shoshone have already made the deciding play, having split Tuskahoma from Puskus Takali with a well-placed citadel.

Well, Siam made peace with China and razed their only gain from the war. Despite this being the first major loss of one of Asia’s most powerful contenders, Siam has made no progress in their goal of world domination.

Sokoto has made a decisive peace with Luba, thus securing the safety of their empire. Who could’ve convinced Ilunga Sungu of the Luba of such a treaty? None other than the great Sokoto general, Charles Martel!I mean, they probably could’ve used that earlier.

Nestor Makhno declares war on Russia, thus beginning a quest for who gets the elimination of one of Europe’s finest. Well, maybe not THAT fine, but I liked Russia.

Portuguese Pikemen surround the city of Fez and look poised to take it! Thomas Peters needs to move his units fast before he loses all of his gains from the war with the Almohads.

Liu Bei, deciding that things could be worse, decides to make things worse by declaring war on Rouran. Now, Shu Han doesn’t have any military, defenses, cities, or self-esteem left, but surely they have a plan?

Right?

Oh dear, it seems James Brooke has misplaced Lundu in the Wahgi Empire. Sarawak’s irrelevance comes at their own volition, it seems, as the White Rajah gives up his own city to appease the warlord of Southeast Asia.

The most upsetting part is that the warlord is the Wahgi Empire.

Mayi is at red health as Kazakh units surround the city, plotting to take one of Rouran’s poorly-placed exclaves and consolidate it into their own thriving Principality. The city looks to fall soon.

The Portuguese empire puts on its own display of Burning Man, in which a man gets burnt as his entire city is reduced to ruin. Doesn’t seem like a particularly long celebration- it’ll be over in 2 turns.

Mayi falls to Nursultan’s “Supreme Forces of the Consolidate empire of Kazakhstan, the greatest country in the world, or at least in Central Asia.” It’s gonna be hard for Rouran to send forces to defend Woulouhou, but it’s gonna be even harder for me to continually type that name.

If you didn’t notice from the last slide, hopefully you’ll notice on this one- the Eastern Finns are targets of a coalition including Luba and, more importantly, the Timurids.

Yes, you read that title right: Tsakhiagiin Elbegdorj and Notorious Y.U.G. have joined forces to take down a common enemy:Shu Han.

Also in the news, local Australian outraged over Liu Bei’s incompetency.

Siam goes to war with Srivijaya, and to their credit Siam does have a decent force. However, look up north- Barbarians. I suspect Siam’s unhappiness will be chipping away at any invasion they planned to send.

Yes, the Shoshone have gone to war against New France. Make no mistake, however- it gets better. This isn’t your normal, everyday war, this is…

A coalition.

However it seems the only relevant power is the Shoshone.

Bengal settles West Australia, giving us time dedicated to talking about this underwhelming region. The Western Australia region has gone unsettled, and that a colonial power is the first to set foot on it raises some question. For example: What are our two natives doing?

Local Australian outraged over Jandamarra’s incompetency.

Yemen is taking a bold approach to a seemingly irrelevant war by contributing a solid armada to siege Freetown. Thomas Peters does not fear- those who have carved empires from the sands of the Sahara learn that cowardice get them nowhere.

Lesotho builds the Hagia Sophia, earning them a free great prophet. However, they don’t have a religion, nor the opportunity to get one. What a waste.

Out in Rouran’s Siberian Detention Camps, you’ll find the liberation force of the Batas Horsemen to be prevalent in the Yakut armies. In fact, the Basas Horseman is the Yakut UU. If earned in either Snow or Tundra, it gets the March promotion, and also possesses a combat bonus against other Knights, making it a pretty powerful unit, especially this early on.

Ur invades(?) the Pahlavis with only a single Lusaglugal, the Sumerian UU. The main issue with that? The Lusaglugal mainly gets defensive bonuses. Also there’s only one of them.

Welcome to the Caribbean! A prime tourist destination for all folks of all walks of life. In the Caribbean, you can see:

Reefers! One of the UUs of the UFC that allows them to plant bananas! :D

The city of Camadsuari! The Omagua resettlement plan has given the city a lovely spot to call home.

The endless void, staring you down like a deer in headlights! Who’s the real monster here- the warmongers? Or those who let it happen?

Remember when I said the Mixtecs would continually outdo their own incompetence?

They just gave up Tututepec. I didn’t even know they were at war with Texas. They’ve been relegated to City-State status. What happened?

England, once again, declares a war on Portugal! Their invasion force? Err, it’s MIA at the moment. However, I’m sure that won’t stop Henry’s forces here!

Shu Han has given up Hanzhong, thus leaving them with one city in their empire-in-exile: Wenshan. Let’s not overlook that they’re at war with 2 other powers, including 1 war that THEY STARTED.

If you look at the city of Goteborg, you can bear witness to the UU of the Swedish Empire- the Pinnace. This Unit gives a bonus to cities settled nearby, which Sweden hasn’t been doing much of in recent years. Let’s hope they learn how to use this unique.

The Choctaw are reduced to a single city after having given up Puskus Takali to New France in a peace deal. However, New France still has to deal with the challenges of the invading Shoshone.

Sierra Leone, in an attempt to restore their former glory, aims to take the Marajoara colony of Sanharao. God bless you, Thomas Peters!

Marajoara not only looks to lose their African colony, but also their mainland settlements as the Omagua declare war. Pacoval is put in immediate danger, as it’s surrounded by Omagua cities, however the army has yet to arrive.

Rumps are now fighting rumps as Hungary declares war on Sokoto! Also, Hungary made peace with the Illyrians. I don’t think Horthy’s going to recover from early embarrassments, tbh.

The Illyrians, fresh off their war with Hungary, thirsts for blood on the seas as they declare war on fellow girlboss-led naval power, Carthage! This could easily become a decisive conflict for who gets control of the Med.

Sierra Leone takes Sanharao! Our early-game heroes never know when to give up, do they? Absolutely inspiring.

Luba aims to take Coimbra from the hands of the European colonizer, Portugal! With several melee units, siege units, and even the unique Nzappa Zap, it looks like it’s in the bag for this African Empire!

France, our major European power, carries the Bombarde-Mortier as their UU. It’s a big cannon that’s weaker, but gets more range and is unlocked earlier. In addition, it ignores terrain costs near Great Generals. It’s good.

A banana joke that doesn’t have to do with the UFC? Truly a cursed timeline.

Prambanan is in the red as the Wahgi siege it. To be honest, I feel like I missed this war while I was writing my notes, but it doesn’t seem like much happened in-between the start of this war up-to-date.

It seems Hungary’s clock is running out of time- and that’s not something a clock usually does. The great European power of Makhnovia declares war on Horthy, with the assistance of the distant Azande!

I feel like I’m repeating titles at this point.

In any case, Prambanan has fallen, and the largest power in Borneo is now the Wahgi, despite Sarawak having once been the native power. Yikes.

The United Fruit company makes peace with Marajoara, resulting in a truce where no cities have been exchanged and yet things are still progressively worse for Marajoara.

Local Australian outraged over Marajoara’s incompetence.

Shang has been declared war on by China, which makes them a major target for elimination- or at least, in the next episode. I’m running out of slides over here.

Turn on your caps lock, and prime the 6th letter of the Alphabet, because Sokoto is D.E.A.D. Any resistance has summarily been squashed, and Usman dan Fodio has been relegated to the Submarine. But what makes this better?

Sierra Leone got the kill, after having been reduced in size previously by Sokoto. Karma, much?

Luba takes the city of Coimbra from Portugal, thus uniting the West Coast of Southern Africa. However, this means this war is dunzo, as Portugal’s next nearest cities are far north.

Ur is the target of a dual invasion on land and sea by Yemen. Ngl, that’s not very nice for our resident Ur fan on the dev team (you know who you are.)

Jandamarra sends an invasion force towards their new enemy, the Ngarrindjeri! Well, at least I think that was the plan- they actually sent it towards New Zealand. However, let’s brush that aside- a local Australian is celebrating the competence of the Bunuba forces as it looks like THIS will be the war to establish hegemony over Australia.

Speaking of big-brain plays, Japan declares war on an open Goguryeo, looking to take Pyongyang and maybe Namso? They field their UU, the Kyudoka. I took Kyudo for a bit, and I can tell you it’s not really that well-suited for combat, but of course that’s because the modern tradition evolved from a post-war ideology. In any case, it’s a pretty strong unit that gets stronger the more Faith, Culture, and Happiness the city has. It also unlocks at Philosophy.

Dido enlists the help of Carthage’s UU, the Quinquireme. It’s stronger in Friendly Territory and ignores enemy Zone of Control, but that’s basically it. It’s more of a defensive unit, really.

Ur is at red health, and Yemen still has units to spare! This could be the end of Shulgi’s dream of ruling the four corners of the universe. I believe, in ancient Sumerian terminology, Shulgi would be called a ‘Mongrel.’

Bengal gets the Angkor Wat, which hasn’t changed from its vanilla incarnation afaik. There’s not much more to say here, really.

Pacoval falls to the Omagua, and things look tight for Marajoara. The Marajoara also field their UU, the Snake-Canoe. Not only does it start with bonus damage against cities and land units, it SAPS adjacent enemies’ HP.

Luba, led by the fiendish Ilunga Sungu, has stolen the rightfully-captured city of Sanharao from Sierra Leone! This is an outrage. If only I could do something about this! Unfortunately, I recorded this a few months ago and there’s not really anything I can do to change this.

As we end this episode, we are left with the question of what will happen to all the powers who have been rumped, and who else will come to be rumped in the coming days? As Zhaoge starts taking damage, it should not be overlooked- despite fielding less eliminations than the previous part, this one might be more important to the overall scale of the game. Who will win? Who will lose? All this, to be decided in… THE CIV GRAND ROYALE! With love,

ExplosiveWatermelon

Some people were wondering why there’s text at the top of the screen showcasing Unit Limits. Well, it’s actually a button that opens a menu that lets me showcase where each civs are in regards to their units. Here’s a peak!

The Shoshone retain the top spot, unsurprisingly. Luba has climbed a fair distance, however.

Shang takes the bottom, fittingly enough. They could very well be the next elimination. Poor Sketto.