Chapter 7: Iron Maiden – G1

Welcome back to the Civ Grand Royale! My name is ExplosiveWatermelon, I’m your lovely host for today. Let’s talk about the shenanigans that happened last episode, shall we?

After lots of bloody conflict, a few events occurred. Notably, Sokoto got eliminated. However, perhaps the biggest subject was a global-scale colonization effort focused on turning regals into rumps. With all that out of the way, let’s get started.

Luba is definitely hitting its stride recently, having devoured most of Sokoto and now going after Sierra Leone. However, they’re still in a tight spot in central Africa.

On the other side of the spectrum is Shang, who have wasted the early game and now look to be eliminated by Sun Yat-Sen’s China in little over a few turns. But, that’s just a guess. Let’s begin, shall we?

Or, so I would say, but I’m gonna use some of these early slides to discuss the position of several civs. The first is Srivijaya, who despite having done nothing noteworthy, has maintained their little corner of the universe. Well, besides Prambanan, which they lost.

Srivijaya is actually a naval civ centered around wonders, and their UB is a reworked Candi. The unfortunate news is that Srivijaya has made absolutely no use of their bonuses- even failing to get a religion to make use of Faith gains. Sri Jayanasa is, slowly but surely, digging his own grave. Only time will tell if the Wahgi or Siam are the ones to push them in.

Yeah, the Kaweskar are in a bad position. Honest to god, they were a pretty powerful civ in testing, but my suspicions are that a nerf that had to be made might’ve been responsible for their competence. Indeed, they failed to settle more than two cities, and now both of those cities are under siege.

There goes Malte, too, ensuring that Kaweskar is simply a vase too close to the ledge, waiting to fall.

Ur is facing a very minor naval siege, but more notable is the lack of attention Yemen is giving to this war. They could easily take those cities, which would launch them into the top tier of CGR civs, but unfortunately I don’t think we can expect much.

In a twist that surprises nobody, Zhaoge has fallen only a few slides in to China! Daji drains the blood from her pool and graciously walks out of the Deer Terrace Pavilion towards the submarine.

Shang has been eliminated in 56th place.

In the same turn, after having their most disappointing performance yet, Jetarkte falls to the Guaycuru. Terwa Koyo takes his boat out to go fishing one last time, and is never seen again.

Kaweskar has been eliminated in 55th place.

In the midst of their capital’s naval siege, Shulgi gets the bright idea to give away Uruk to Yemen. ‘Oh, thank god’ Arwa al-Sulayhi must be thinking, as she would definitely have not been able to take that city if not for Shulgi’s incompetence.

Siam’s sizable core looks to serve them well- they’ve taken over most of Southeast Asia and have a solid navy if they want to take over some of their neighbors. However, they have the constant reminder of mortality in the form of neighboring China. They’ll have to play their cards right if they want to pull ahead. Luckily, it shouldn’t be too hard.

In a war I honestly haven’t been giving the attention it deserves, Stolp has fallen to red health via Makhnovist siege. The former Pomeranian city might just become a former Russian city as well.

Kazakhstan has built a pretty large nation, but are typically overlooked in favor of the more active Timurids. As such, let’s give them the time they deserve to shine.

Okay, time over. Let’s move on.

Marrakech sits at red health, but Portugal’s running out of units to throw at the city! If it doesn’t fall soon, Portugal might lose their opportunity to push into Africa.

One of our most expansive empires on the cylinder, the Timurids have a really good shot at the top. However, this shot seems to be going overlooked, as the Timurids are doing diddly and squat. True, they took Samandar from Makhnovia, but most of their cities have been settled by them. The Timurids empire isn’t weak, but they’re more a sleeping giant than a rampaging one.

Portugal has taken Marrakech from Sierra Leone, but ultimately that seems to have been as much as they can act at this moment. Moreover, it seems to have left them defenseless against invaders, and Braga is taking damage up north.

England’s war with Portugal has yielded some results, but has left their southern lands totally defenseless. However, they do field a decent navy, and their Longbowmen are pretty strong. However, if a war between England and France erupts, it’d look pretty rough for both sides.

Timur, having heard my previous slide putting them down for not declaring enough wars, declares war upon Khazaria! Honestly, a welcome change of pace, but ultimately it seems like they’ll only be able to grab Sarkel.

Our bold leader of Sierra Leone looks over his dwindling forces and his diminishing empire. Sierra Leone sits at 4 cities, and is surrounded by larger powers on all sides. That empty core may soon be flooded by enemies, and it seems as though the rising star of CGR is about to become another setting sun.

New France puts up a ferocious assault on the city of Hukunduka, although they don’t field that many melee units. However, of the ones they do put out, they seem to be their Unique Unit, the Marine Compagnie. However, the Marine Compagnie isn’t too useful in combat, being more of a utility unit overall with a slight bonus to embarked movement.

Stolp is captured and set to the torch, leaving Russia and Elisabeth in turn in immediate risk of elimination. The city of Yekaterinburg could serve as the resting place of all Russia.

Speaking of being put to flames, Hukunduka is captured and torched as well. Honestly, I wasn't expecting it this soon, but that’s what I get for not having narrated this chapter sooner.

Wenshan is at half health, but a siege of crossbowmen isn’t going to be enough to take this city in. They’ll need a melee unit if they wish to capture the last Shu Han city- and if this invasion fails, Shu Han might be sticking around as a thorn in the side of Rouran for a while.

The United Fruit Company fields one of the most colorful banners for one of the darkest civs. Nevertheless, they’re doing pretty well. They maintain 6 cities due to the help of their UU, the Reefer- a cargo ship replacement that plants bananas. However, the main issue the UFC faces at this moment is their diminutive military for a nation of their size.

I can’t lie- Carthage has a pretty decent army but I can’t see it going anywhere. What’s more, their navy is non-existent. That’s not good for a naval civ. I can easily see Carthage being a power in the Mediterranean, but if this is their performance so far? I doubt it.

France declares war on the punching bag of Europe, Hungary. Everyone’s tried- and failed- to take Budapest, but it seems Jeanne d’Arc wants to have her own go at it.

Granada is at half health due to Luba’s invasion force, but I’d look at the new peace deal Sierra Leone was able to forge- the war with Portugalis over. It’s now up to Luba to take out one of the most promising players in Africa.

Remember when Bunuba declared a war on the Ngarrindjeri? They just gave up Darlngunaya in the peace treaty.

Local Australian man in tears.

Skullyville is captured by New France. This original Choctaw city was taken by the Shoshone a few parts ago in the attempt to eradicate the peach menace. However, the Choctaw now live on a reservation in Tuskahoma.

Granada is bursting at the seams as Luba finally grabs the city, and Sierra Leone is putting up only a meager resistance ill-fitting of Thomas Peters’ stature. This seems to be the end of the Lion of Africa.

Mongolia is one of the more powerful civs in Asia, but considering there’s a lot of powerful Asian civs, let’s talk about WHY.

Mongolia is based around being an expansive civ, and their playstyle has shown that they can settle a lot. Their biggest issue right now is that they’re sandwiched between a lot of powers, and none seem easy to invade. However, the same goes for Mongolia- as it stands, they’re a large citadel. All that remains to be discovered is who will be able to make the first move?

Sarkel faces a powerful siege that could risk half of the Khazar state. Unfortunately for Khazaria, that’s not saying much.

The Deseret empire has been known to be very wide, and that’s pretty much the extent of it. Unfortunately for us, their lack of involvement in local wars means we haven’t really gotten a chance to show them off. It seems, despite their expansion, they field a rather mediocre military. However, they continue to pump out settlers like Illumination pumps out bad animated movies.

Consistently and without surprise.

In the ultimate Shakespearean tragedy, a coalition has formed against England, with Jeanne d’Arc joining in! England has very quietly been restoring their military, so this war could end up being as stalled as the previous one.

New France capitalizes on the Shoshone’s openings and proceeds to take Dukundeka’ in a strong push west. What has happened to the strongest power in North America, and debatably the entire cylinder?

Well, it seems their war efforts have shifted south, as the Shoshone retook Skullyville.

The Shoshone ALSO captured Puskus Takali, which has resulted in the unfortunate side-effect of the Shoshone owning Florida. I’m sure all those old retirees will help defend that territory, right?

Things go south in the Americas, as Marajoara is the target of a coalition! The Omagua, Brazil, and the UFC all join in to take down P’kuee and her reign of terror! Camutins is already under siege.

Jeanne d’Arc begins the opening phase of the war by bringing Norwich down to 1 health. England has centralized their forces in an attempt to ward off their invaders.

The Timurids have completed their war efforts by successfully taking Sarkel. That seems to be as far as they can go, at this point.

Hey, do you remember that the Inca are in this game? Because I evidently forgot to take any pictures of them. In any case, it seems they’ve been forward settled by the UFC, and maintain an impressive 2 cities. Wow.

Norway? That civ’s definitely not in this game.

But seriously, despite have 5 cities and an impressive force in Eastern Europe, our Norse Crusaders are sorta just… there. They haven’t done much, although they have been settling a little bit.

France is not only sieging Norwich to 1 HP, but Budapest now sits at 1 health as well! But, Jeanne d’Arc should watch her back- it looks like Tours is under a naval siege that could turn sour fast. It would do France well to remember that the best defense is a good defense.

Marajoara makes a promising peace deal with the Omagua, thus securing Camutins for a few more turns, but it seems that the UFC might capitalize on the damage it has already taken. Be careful, P’kuee!

Mormon Hawaii seems like a weird combination of terms. Almost like a randomly generated band name, except this band exclusively plays Mormon Rock. I don’t even know if that’s a thing, but it probably is, right?

The little man of Africa, the Maravi are definitely underperforming this game. However, they do seem to field an impressive carpet of their UU, the Zimba raider, but it doesn’t look like there’s any opportunity they can really seize at this moment.

It seems Hungary has finally reached the end of its road. Miklos Horthy, having never met the king he was supposed to regent for, questions why he was ever loyal in the first place. He sits in his palace as he awaits his fate from…

Wait, are those ILLYRIAN SOLDIERS? Teuta sent in a pikeman to snipe the city from beneath Jeanne d’Arc’s nose, thus giving a miserable end to Horthy’s desires!

Hungary has been eliminated in 54th place.

To make matters worse for Jeanne, the city of Tours has fallen to England AND Norwich is now properly defended without any opening for her to take it. The army around Reims has been extinguished, and she’s now on the defending end of Henry V’s French Invasion!

Siam takes advantage while the spotlight’s elsewhere to try and sneakily pull an invasion to eliminate the nation of Sarawak, and James Brooke with it! Good work, Rama, now all you need to do is commit to it.

Japan, having properly settled the Mainland, is actually doing pretty decently in this game. Sure, I wouldn’t put money on them, but overall? I’m impressed.

In another corner of the world, OH MY GOD what a Yemen! It seems Arwa al-Sulayhi has gone insane with their settling efforts, and has colonized the Eastern Coast of Africa! They even have settlers to spare! My god!

The New France-Shoshone war seems to have stalled, as neither of the powers are committing their full efforts to the war. Hukunduka has been resettled, and New France works on repairing its army.

The Pahlavi dynasty takes advantage of their weak neighbor and invades Khazaria, in the hopes that they’ll be the ones to eliminate this stain upon the cylinder! Godspeed, Mohammed Reza.

Haven’t we seen this slide before? Yes, Wenshan is STILL under siege. It’s only been something like 20 turns, you know. However, Rouran’s invasion seems to have ramped up recently, but it also seems to focus more on ranged units than melee units.

Makhnovia is somehow one of the most powerful civs in Europe, despite testing showing that they’re a total glass cannon. As it stands right now, they could take out any of the European powers they border. However, they might find trouble in France, considering...

Reims is under an intense siege by England! How could this get any worse for the faithful Jeanne d’Arc? Well, I’ll tell you how...

Jeanne d’Arc has now LOST Reims! The capital of the once thriving French empire has been lost to England, in a war that Jeanne had declared! It doesn’t look as though there’s any way for France to retake the city, either. Could this be the end for France’s dominion?

Things go from good to great, as we end this part with Moshoeshoe I declaring war on Luba! Could this be the end for Luba’s dominion?

Wait, didn’t I already use that sentence?

In any case, thank you for reading, I hope to see you in the next Chapter!

Here, we take a look at the popularity of each religion in the world right now. Sunni take an outstanding lead, as the Timurid religion has spread to 60 cities! Meanwhile, Judaism seems to be an obscure religion found only in a single city.

The Timurids take the top spot in the rankings, followed closely by Yemen and the Shoshone! Makhnovia also gets a green flag.

Ur sits at the bottom of the list. Not too surprising, is it?