Power Rankings: Episode 50 – S1

Rosé

The tale of this Civ is just, frustrating and annoying in my honest opinion. I may be in the minority in this but I NEVER really liked palmyra. They spent the entire game as a Civ that could hypothetically have claimed the world or at least been memorable for trying(I.E. New Zealand) but they just never did anything of true worth. Its not like Palmyra was doomed to fail or anything, at ANY time at all, Palmyra could have taken Nubia, expanded into Beta Israel, hell maybe if they were lucky pushed freaking Maratha before they rose to glory. But no they spent the entire game “building up” for a war that they were never going to declare and by endgame, said war wiped them off the face of the earth. Palmyra has in all honesty, done nothing of too much noterity and definitly not as much as they couldve done, both in and out of endgame.

Shaggy

A few days ago, u/Enigma-Conundrum messaged me for a bit of help with Australia’s eulogy in the narrated part with the cryptic hint that the way Australia died would be “without spoileroos, fucking hilarious”. I’d call that an apt classification because HOOOOOOOO BOY! Definitely the nuttiest death in Endgame and probably one of the most memorable snipes in the entirety of S1 (sorry Yup’ik). Let’s be honest here, getting coalitioned is not fun. Getting coalitioned by the civ that took most of your continent and the #1 civ in the game is super not fun. Dying to the most defensive civ in the game who hasn’t had major military action outside of their continent the entire game? Now that’s just insulting. Australia had their fun pre-Endgame ebbing and flowing on their continent, but they could only lose so much on the smaller map before collapsing completely. It’s been fun, Hawke, but your time has come. F.

Random Strategy

We say goodbye to one of the most powerful pre-endgame civs, who were consistently top 5 for the entire second half of the original game. Their rise to power came when the glass cannon Sulu had just fired their one high tech shot at Australia during the Great Australia Gangbang, but didn't have the production required to reload. Taungoo utterly annihilated poor Sulu’s defenceless core, not only taking their capital, but also the lands they had just blitzed from Australia end eliminating them. But they didn't stop there: New Zealand was ascendant, having just backstabbed the anti-Australia coalition, taking not only the Murri's but also Papua's capitals. Taungoo was quick to recognise the new threat and, before the kiwis could rebuild their fleet or organise a defence to their new Papuan lands, attacked. This was again a great success, pushing New Zealand down to a more manageable size as well as opening up the entire Pacific for Taungoo! This great victory promoted them to the position of 3rd Great Power of the Cylinder (after Uruguay and Iroquois). Taungoo later achieved a cross-continental capture, using their base on Hawaii to capture a city in North America off the Apache! The last interesting things that happened pre-endgame were the absolutely brutal citadelling of Nepal, splitting them into 3 pieces and giving Taungoo control of the Himalayas without even declaring war. Many were hoping for a M2 Vietnam/Australia-style showdown with Australia, but Endgame arrived to shake things up a bit. This is where things went wrong. Unfortunately, Taungoo were too slow to settle and Australia ended up grabbing most of the Indonesian land that should have been Taungoo's. Though Taungoo did successfully wage several wars against Australia and did finally end up with the land they should have settled, the delay was fatal. By the time Taungoo was finally back up and running, the Great Powers of the world were too far ahead technologically and militarily. It was Zimbabwe who ended up crushing Taungoo's empire, then later came back for the kill.

Gragg

You could tell a number of different narratives about Parthia. Some say they were too lazy, some say too aggressive. Some say they had a bad starting location, others say they floundered a good one. Some say they used the wrong unit compositions, others say ‘yup’. Regardless of what you think about them they will forever be in the final 10. Whether they ‘earned it’ or not remains up for debate but I for one will miss Parthia.

Shaggy

Aaaaand here I am again with the other side of the best Endgame snipe (so far). This has been Benin’s finest moment in the whole of Endgame (so far). They’ve come (so far) that seeing them go from one of the only remaining non-superpower civs that has more than one city to a ghostball will be disheartening to say the least. I’ve been a fan of Benin for a while now and I will GLADLY celebrate their small victories as few and far between as they may be. Stay strong Ewuare, I’d love to celebrate some more.

Vihreaa

Ladies and gentlemen, this is it. We are truly reaching the end of the game now. The Vikings are a civilization with just one settlement, so far up north that even the weekly video that allows us to see the entire cylinder misses it. Along with this, they have reached the top 7. Why might you ask, are they ranked higher than other rumps? It’s quite easy; they’re so secluded that no civ has any reason to finish them off. I wouldn’t be surprised if Ragnar survives until we get to world war.

Msurdej

Madagascar is in 6th place.MADAGASCAR. IS IN. SIXTH. PLACE.

Of all the people who have gotten this far, Madagascar is probably the least qualified. They have done basically nothing this entire game, and have done more to screw things up than any other civ. Now with a fifth city, Madagascar has been gumming up the works with their peacekeepers, waves upon waves of their Pikemen UU having flooded Kazahk lands. It’s virtually impossible for Madagascar to win, but their actions may prevent Ablai Khan from making an army capable of winning the game.

Altima

Well this has maybe backfired a little. While the war between the Iroquois and the Uruguay may not look good for Uruguay at the moment, there are a number of factors that make it a little less lopsided than it looks. Number one, while Hiawatha’s men are individually much stronger than the bulk of Lavalleja’s (although Lav is catching up), Hiawatha actually has just above half the total military force that Lavalleja does. This is despite each of his units counting for more mil score, so he actually is more outnumbered than he looks even with the score discrepancy. Number two, Hiawatha has awful production, barely scraping together 1/3rd of what Lavalleja has. Number three, the Kazahks are still an extreme existential threat for the Iroquois. Combine these things and Lavallega can flip former Venezuelan cities all day and it’ll hurt Hiawatha way more than him. Mind, it’s still not ideal, as Lav really needs to be making progress instead of stagnating given the baby blue sword of Damocles hanging over the world’s head, but hey.

Gragg

It was a back and forth week for the Iroquois. At first it looked like they were going to be eliminated in a Songhai fashion, but then peaced out with the Kazakhs and pushed back against Uruguay. No matter how you look at it though, they’ve lost their superpower status (imo they lost it last episode). If Uruguay doesn’t retake the whole of South America, then the Kazakhs will next time they declare war. Iroquois did do something significant though, They seriously cripple Uruguay, nearly taking them out of the running.

Rose

After a whole Millenium, Zimbabwe finally said “hmm lets kill this thing in the sahara” and went for the full conquest of Benin. Obviously there were more things that the Green Menace did this part, eradicating Palmyra (to my pleasure) and Taungoo(not to my pleasure). Not to mention Zimbabwe is one of the only 3 civs that have reached the end of their tech tree, and you have a clear top 3 power ironically enough. This is especially important because at this point in the game, its honestly only the top 3(4?) powers that really matter, with the rest slowly becoming irrelevant or rump states.

Knot

I can’t say I’m not disappointed with the Moors this part. Here was a chance for them to become the power to rival the Kazakhs. They could have joined the partition of the iroquois. They could have finally ended Benin. They could have even possibly tried to attack the Kazakhs and get a coalition going. Really, the only bad thing for them to do was what they ended up doing. Nothing. Now they look very far away from being able to fight the Kazakhs, and they are one of the last vestiges against them. However, we can’t dwell on the past, what do the Moors do now? They are not out of it quite yet, but they need to work fast. Invading Zimbabwe is an option. They might be able to pull a similar stunt that they pulled on Palmyra with a fast invasion, but the two powers look evenly matched so it could just as easily become a stalemate. The Iroquois are still a possible expansion route, and they could probably take some coastal cities. However, I’m more on board with an invasion of Uruguay. The Moors have an even higher tech advantage on them than the Iroquois does right now, and unlike the Iroquois, they have the production to back it up. If the Kazakhs have a base in the new world, maybe the Moors can get one too.

Knot

The Americas have failed to present a true challenge to the Kazakhs. Maybe in magical christmas land, Iroquois or Uruguay can stitch together a defense and push the Kazakhs back, but the recent war has not only revealed the inequality between what was formerly the major powers of the new world and the Kazakhs, it’s put the Kazakhs way farther ahead of the field. All eyes are now on the last possible contenders in Africa and Europe to see if they can possibly resist the Kazakhs Horde, or if this war truly pushed the Kazakhs over the edge.