Power Rankings: Episode 18 – S2

Random Strategy

The New Netherland started out quite good, settling the eastern coast of north america and owning land all the way down into the caribbean. They were able to bully the rumps Olmecs and Neutrals (though a few cheated-in musketmen allowed the Neutrals to flip back a lot of cities), and even successfully fought Iceland and Rio Grande. The key to their success was their medieval navy which outclassed the triremes everyone else was using. Unfortunately, this medieval navy would also be their downfall; even as it grew obsolete, they never upgraded it past the medieval era. Perhaps their early success with it gave them the overconfidence to believe it was perfect and never needed changing. Perhaps they were too busy thinking of ways to deal with musketmen. Eventually they came into conflict with the Vandals, themselves the butt of jokes for their obsolete navy that never got upgraded past the renaissance era. Despite being really easy to win (they only had to research a cheap naval tech), this war was catastrophic for the new netherlands. It left them a rump, barely larger than their old enemies, the neutrals whose capital they had taken as their own. And now the Vandals have finally come to finish the job.

Knot

Your first instinct with a civ like the Olmecs is to assume that they’re gonna do poorly. Their starting position was bad, and they weren’t known for having great AI. No one bet a lot of money on them being a regional power, but we live for civs that smash expectations, and it wasn’t impossible for the Olmecs to do that I recall a lot of optimistic hope around how cool it would be if the Olmecs built the first Central American super power in the CBRX.

That hope lasted all of one part when the Olmecs went 100% in on religion, and didn’t build anymore than their original 2 cities. They were rumped not by any particular civ, but by their own mediocre settling and gameplay. The thing the Olmecs will probably be remembered most for this PR is giving Palmares extended life by giving Palmares one of their last cities. When your most memorable thing is propping up a slightly less disappointing civ, that says a lot about your performance

Altima

The Chinook have finally gasped their last, but make no mistake, they’ve been dead for years now. First came the Chukchi, who despite all known laws of civilization managed a brutally effective amphibious invasion backed by advanced land units and naval units that could actually fight. Then, they were left just sitting in their mountain fortresses for centuries at a time, gradually eroded by citadels, incidental city losses, and failed joint wars against the Tongva, until finally, the Northern Yuan of all people decided to take a break from ruining other people’s wars to chump the Chinook that they may finally have an unmitigated successful war of their own. Fitting that their death and execution were both from Asian civs, colonizing from across the sea. May Comcomly find some respite on the sub, for his was not a peaceful life outside of it.

Rosay:

There was honestly no civ in this game that did less than Bhutan. No I’m not talking about “going into a war and failing” type of thing, just that they literally did nothing of value. At least Paraguay got some nice snipes in and pushed back Marajoara, at least Zanzibar settled some overseas territories, at the very least the Olmecs were a nice butt to everyone’s jokes. But Bhutan, Bhutan did none of that. Heck, for all of the times I had Bhutan as the most controversial PR pick, it was usually because I just forgot they existed and just said that its current position was fine. You will be remembered for nothing Bhutan, thanks for making the turn times shorter.

Rosay:

Well Paraguay finally did what I’ve been waiting for any civ to do: go out like a real one and go out strong in the process. Realistically Paraguay was screwed in the long term due to being sandwiched between the global power house of Marajoara and the significantly less impressive Mapuche, so the nation took the one opportunity it could to go out with a bang, and boy what a bang it was. Somehow, Paraguay pushed far into Brazil, and for a hot minute seemed like it would be the new South American empire. That hot minute quickly turned cold as Marajoara quickly realized ”oh wait I have better tech and production“ and curb-stomped the hell out of Paraguay. So many nations just slowly fade into nothingness, but Paraguay's refusal to go out the lame way has earned me their respect.

Knot

Hey! Palmares isn’t the worst ranked civ in South America anymore, thanks to Paraguay being consumed by Marajoara incredibly quickly… Wait, does Palmares count as a South American civ if they currently live in a former North American civ’s city? Hmm… Look, they’re gonna die any second now, just let them have this.

Altima

Laos now finds itself in the city state club, trapped in a former Vietnamese city, caught between giants orange and blue. They have no future, and may well die by accident in the next part, but at least for now, they aren’t at war with anyone existentially dangerous, with the closest foe of theirs being Taiping, who aren’t navigating the Malaccan Garbage Patch anytime soon. For now, they are not in range of F, but that may change at any moment.

Random Strategy

4 civs die and Yuan is not among them. Thus Yuan gains 4 ranks.

Altima

I love this Georgian frigate. The Georgians have not had a naval port on that sea in a hot minute, but it still exists, having survived the war that cost them the ability to build it, having survived the ruinous Uzbek Conquests, to just chill with a German Carrier that really has better places to be. The frigate won’t ever accomplish anything, but I love it all the same.

Altima

No news is always good news for runts like Hawaii, and this part brings no significant news to the Hawaiian Remnant. A few of their units have enlisted in the Global Peacekeeping Corp, but to no significant effect as unlike the Uzbeks they don’t have a production base.

Vihreaa

After managing to survive the runt reaping that was this last part, the Ptolemies are still not dead! We’ll just ignore the fact that a DoW from either of their neighbors would instantly end them, though.

Altima

Perm, despite having half the cities as Spain and inhabiting worse terrain, has a little more than 13x the effective science. This has been your Perm trivia of the day.

Vihreaa

Give the diplomat who somehow managed to save BF’s life a raise, with whatever money the country has left. After surviving a war they had no business getting away from against Nigeria, BF has miraculously risen 8 ranks, due in part to the fact that multiple rumps were culled this last episode. Though they may be on the up and up now, next episode could very well be their last.

Knot

Welcome back to Sweden Watch: the show where we check in on the civ with the best odds of starting Endgame in an icy hellhole. This week, odds are looking up for Sweden! Uzbeks are really starting to feel the effects of their money shortage, and Germany continues to be distracted by Two Sicilies, so Sweden continues to survive another day. Tune in next week for another episode of Sweden Watch!

Vihreaa

Spain really has had this game on autopilot since like, part 12. Not really a lot to do when you only have four cities, except play for placement, I guess. A declaration of war on them from any of their neighbors would spell their certain doom, even if they are ranked in the 20’s at this point.

Knot

Zanzibar is still alive, and I am upset. They are not alive through any cunning or tact or skill, or idiocy of their opponents at all. They’re alive because Kulin is randomly protecting them with its borders. I think the city of Zanzibar got mentioned this part more than the civilization of Zanzibar. This civ needs to freaking die already.

Altima

Tuskaloosa sits in his office, crying. This office was once Tsouharissen’s. He remembers being the one who stood tallest in North America. He remembers beating down the river men before the world understood their threat. He remembers being the one who runted. He banished Iceland from the continent, dammit. He remembers, and he weeps.

Random Strategy

Iceland researched fertilizer this part, which sounds really good to fix their problem of all their cities being small and useless. Unfortunately, more food isn't going to solve the main problem which is (like a surprising number of other civs) that they are broke and therefore not making any more science. So I guess they're stuck in the enlightenment era.

Lacsirax: Kurdistan has a quiet one, with Lesotho once again doing the heavy lifting of defending their meagre empire from Zaire. This is all stalling; that OB treaty won’t last forever, and they don’t have a hope in hell’s chance of making it to Endgame. And yet they’re in 25th. We’re in that phase of the game, people.

Altima

Weirdly, the sudden appearance of purple neighbors in their midst may actually bode well for Tongva. Purple Yuan has already demonstrated a willingness to completely destroy their economy to prevent any war, ever from going anywhere, and with open borders and the potential for nearby manufacturing centers, the Tongva may soon find their lands protected beneath a layer of foreign forces. Truly a better aegis than Tongva would ever have been able to forge against the much more advanced Rio Cheaters.

Rosay:

Log update 18: “Our neighbors to the west seem to have gone dark, word has gone around that the Uzbeki currency went to shit. Efforts to destabilize the region have returned mixed results, though no signs of a return of Sweden appear in sight. Those fascists in Russia seemed to have the same idea, though they might actually go loud and destroy the whole nation. Hate to share a common goal with them though, plus I can tell that after Uzbekistan falls, we're next. Europe continues to be quiet but I can sense a crisis brewing.”

Lacsirax: Kosovo’s still alive. Who knew?

Altima

I should be supportive of the valiant Sicilian reclamation of their homeland against the stronger German force. Really, in a vacuum, it should be impressive; they retook both of the major cities they lost from the last peace treaty. Unfortunately, watching it all unfold, all I can think is, “Goddamn I cannot wait for Endgame to bring forth the anti-Peacekeeper tech.” The principal salvation of the Biscilians has been nothing of their own merit, but the fact that the border lands are so clogged up with Peacekeepers that it’s impossible for Germany to bring its armies to the front. It’s a rise in ranks for the Sicilians, and a rise in my annoyance at them all the same.

Lacsirax: I was looking back through the historical power rankings and noticed that for a time we had Taiping at #3. Honestly, it’s difficult to remember why; they never really decorated themselves with too many military triumphs even when they were relevant. This episode they went to war with both Laos and Bhutan, though naturally failed to impact either war before Punjab swept up the rump states. It feels like a portent.

Altima

Pros: Best Yuan retook their capital after a heroic struggle against a superior foe with complete air superiority.The rest of the war may have been a slugfest, but credit where credit’s due, that shit’s impressive.

Cons: Effective Science: Zero. Their bankruptcy has killed their literacy. It’s one thing to punch up when you’re punching up to armored trains, a weapon of war best known for never actually being a useful weapon of war. It’s another when you’re fighting cyborgs and XCOMs. Purplest Yuan needs to fix their GPT, and fast. The next time won’t go so well otherwise.

Random Strategy

The Gauls join the long list of civs suffering from being broke. Their effective science is a mere 856, which is putting them in danger of being overtaken by mid-tier civs like 2 Sicilies, Kosovo or Taiping. That would certainly be an embarrassment for a civ that is still considered a contender. If it continues for too long they might even be downgraded to midtier themselves. At least their science isn't as bad as Northern Yuan's, and Northern Yuan (and also 2 sicilies for a more relevant example) proved that being behind in tech isn't currently a death sentence and you can even win wars against contenders. Though once XComs and Nexii get involved, I can't help but think it will become a death sentence... So fixing their gold should be the Gaul's number 1 priority, and if they can't manage that they could at the very least kill Spain or Iceland.

Knot

On some level, Mapuche have been fairly low on the totem pull of “real civs” for a whole now, but the war between Marajoara and Paraguay puts the Mapuche in the worst spot they’ve been in across the entire game. Paraguay was their last expansion opportunity they had access to and now that too has been taken away. They’re now severely outclassed by Marajoara with no real way to overcome that gulf. They’re trapped by Marajoara by land, and trapped by the Kulin by sea. Their best hope now is to continue to bulk up, and hope to survive until endgame when they can try this whole expansion thing again. If Marajoara declares war on Mapuche before endgame, I expect it to be a very similar story to Paraguay. If you still have Mapuche stock, I’d start selling that right now.

Lacsirax: Lesotho’s war with Chola was, in my books, incredibly entertaining; evolving battle lines on every front, huge sways in the tides of war, and until the peace treaty was signed I really couldn’t tell who was winning. And, err, that was still true after the ink had dried actually. Lesotho wound up with some powerful mainland cities, as well as having unified Madagascar, but lost the remainder of their overseas possessions and couldn’t quite keep hold of the valuable prize of Zanzibar. I think I’ll chalk this up as a soft win; those Indian Ocean islands could never have stood up to the nearby navies of the Kulin or Malacca had they come to blows, while having some more mainland bulk can only help in the inevitable Zairean war to come.

Altima

How do you stalemate a war against the guys who lost to a useless Antarctic colony? Look, whatever, the Chola technically walked out of the part with a new notch on their gun, claiming the final kill on Bhutan. That might come back to bite them in the ass, though. They haven’t really evened the odds in the event of another war against Punjab, so adding more warmonger penalties to their list is liable to make life… difficult for them. A coalition of Punjab and Malacca, for example, would be the worst possible case scenario for the, and killing a civ without gaining much benefit from it makes such a thing both more likely and harder to stop. But hey, it’s still forward progress, even if it may well be forwards into a grave.

Random Strategy

As Nigeria pulls further ahead, Zaire is struggling to continue copying them. The wars with Kurdistan and 2 Sicilies are going absolutely nowhere because of peacekeepers. Honestly they missed a massive opportunity this part by not attacking Lesotho while they were busy with Chola. The Zaire core is filled with hybrid drones with a scattering of melee units - a pretty good army composition that would do well at killing Lesotho's forces. Without the distraction of Chola they could still manage it but it would be harder and leave them more vulnerable to a Nigerian backdoor.

Vihreaa

Germany has been stagnating in these last several parts, not declaring much of any consequential wars at all. Being pushed back by Two Sicilies, a nation that is hanging on by a thread is embarrassing in itself, but Germany has failed to make much of any meaningful expansion in the last several parts. Expansion into the Middle East is likely their easiest avenue of expansion, with a relatively small region being controlled by multiple weaker powers. Show them your German efficiency, Wilhelm!

Rosay:

PARG has ended its conflict with Northern Yuan, and failed to maintain control of their enemy’s capital. This may spell doom for PARG as Northern Yuan was the only neighbor that PARG could reliably take - sure, Uzbekistan ain’t doing so hot, but that army isn't gonna widdle itself down, and would probably just grind its way through Russia, unless distracted. Perhaps PARG could team up with another former first place nation that starts with P (Punjab, I'm talking about Punjab) to eliminate the sick man of Asia. USSR is basically a non option however, due to a mix of overpowering stats and the Urals.

Altima

It is all well and good to have runted a former rival to near-oblivion, but one must always keep an eye to the horizon. Where do the Dene go now? The Chukchi are a non-starter, having a significant leg up in production and a 10-tech lead that does not look to even out soon. Rio Grande are still cheating. They can’t get to the Tongva easily, with all of one tile they can move units through until things clear out enough for PJ infiltration, and the Vandals have a similar issue, if to a less extreme degree. Ultimately, short of a few snipes here and there, I think this is the peak of the Dene for this run, at the cusp of the Top Ten. Until Endgame makes it possible to war with their southern neighbor again, there’s not a lot for them to do.

Knot

However this season of CBRX ends, when we look back on all the civs various performances, one thing will remain clear: we will have no freaking idea what to make of the Vandals. Are the Vandals good right now? That’s not rhetorical. Someone please give me some sort of idea of how the heck the Vandals are actually doing. They still have some of the best stats on the cylinder. They still have incredibly good expansion opportunities in the Gauls and Germany (maybe even Two Sicilies if they’re feeling spicy) and yet they’re surrounded by Marajoara, Rio Grande, and freaking Nigeria. That alone should exclude them from having any real chance of winning, right? Right? Hello? Someone help me out here!

Rosay

Uzbekistan once seemed like the next global superpower, but it has recently been relegated to an after-thought for two reasons: money and tech. As a side effect to wielding its big meaty army around, Uzbekistan is leaking cash like crazy, losing eight thousand gold a turn. For reference, the civ in second to last place (in terms of gold per turn), Northern Yuan, is losing -1500 gold per turn. Now Uzbekistan has entered an inescapable economic depression, which spells disaster for their technological progress. Right now Uzbekistan has 97 techs, which is roughly on par with the other powers in their weight class; however their effective science has drastically fallen, essentially locking them out of their future techs. Currently, Uzbekistan's effective science is 1164 science per turn, which is on the same level as Taping and Two Sicilies. It is never a good sign for any civ to gain the same amount of science per turn as the nation ranked eleven places below them.

Altima

After a surge of violence in the last episode, Lenin returns to silence to consolidate his earnings. Fair enough. They’ve still got a decent amount of good targets; Germany and PARG have weaker and less advanced armies, Finland is Finland, and if he were to do the thing he seems pathologically averse to and bulk up even the Uzbeks would be a decent option. Power Armor versus Parajumpers goes real bad for PJs, unless it’s like four Power Armor Divisions against a billion PJs. World’s Lenin’s oyster should he decide to claim it.

Lacsirax: I find Rio Grande pretty hard to rank. Invincible to all attacks, but with the implicit understanding that this won’t be the case come Endgame. Solid, but also proven to not really be able to break the Dene or the Marajoara, their two feistiest neighbours, both of whom also have more achievable expansion opportunities. At the moment I still see Rio Grande getting squashed in by Endgame, though it’s hardly a dead cert. Priority #1 should be getting rid of the Tongva; they’ll be nothing but a distraction if they make it to Endgame.

Random Strategy

The Chukchi's army score is remarkably lower than other top-tiers. However, it's not a big problem as it is still big enough to fight wars with and I would not recommend building more because they can't afford it. And going into debt (like certain other civs) would be terrible for their science, so that isn't something they should do. The civ I most want to see the Chukchi invade next is Tongva, who are both easy to kill and reasonably nutritious. The second best option would be Northern Yuan. However, with Northern Yuan's 0 science per turn, that fight will only get easier as time goes on so it's ok to wait for nexii and xcoms.

Rosay

After several months of waiting, Punjab finally had their breakout moment. With Bhutan gone (and Laos crippled), Punjab has finally positioned itself as a dominant global power. Now their position is not perfect by any means; at any moment Malacca could create that dreaded 1v1, which would likely push Punjab back to where it started at best, however now the nation has a lot more options. In the event of a Punjabi-Malaccan war, Punjab could easily align with either Kulin or the Chukchi and make solid gains in South East Asia, or push Zaire back into Africa. However the most logical option currently seems to be to turtle and take Uzbekistan. As previously mentioned, Uzbekistan is in a downward spiral economically and will likely be technologically stagnant till endgame, which is prime real estate for Punjab. While their techs and army are roughly equal, give or take thirty turns and Punjab could easily sweep Central Asia.

Lacsirax: The Kulin have by far the largest military presence on the Cylinder. They have more cities and more science than any other civ, and none of their other important stats are lacking. So why do we have them ranked 4th, and why on earth do I have them in 13th? I could say the usual stuff: we’ve never seen an Australian civ break out, their wars with viable neighbours have been uninspiring and not produced any major land gains blah blah blah. But no, it’s simpler than that. Endgame is on a smaller map. Australia, an already barren continent, is shrunk even further; the Kulin will go from having a continent to themselves to a large island, with naval powerhouse Malacca controlling their only access to more land. They can build as gargantuan a stat lead as they like, but the advantages given to civs in Endgame are tiered, not fractionally representative of their respective leads; in other words, Kulin will only really start as powerful as Malacca. And I simply don’t think they’ll have the available territory to compensate.

Vihreaa

Marajoara tied their highest rank from 2 parts ago, 3rd place, and it is well deserved. Though they may have lost a few cities to Kulin and Malacca, the Marajoara have managed to almost completely annex the entirety of mainland Paraguay, coincidentally right after they finished skynet… I believe that they have a sufficient powerbase to unite all of South America, being the second civ to unite a continent, after Kulin, who kind of barely counts anyway.

Lacsirax: I think we’re all praying Malacca finally unleashes something huge; finish off Taiping, decimate the inferior Chukchi navy in an epic battle of titans, you know, something like that. But to Mansur’s credit, Malacca did take some cities this episode (the first time in how long?), albeit through a peace treaty. Hard to say how useful some Antarctic territories in the south Atlantic will be - I suppose a Mapuche pincer is possible, if a little hopeful. Not much else to report on here; they’re still powerful, they’re still full of potential, they’re still not quite realising it. But really, the job now is to make sure you don’t slip in the stats before Endgame, and they show no sign of that currently.

Vihreaa

Nigeria sees a slow part war-wise this week, but still maintains strong stat leads in several categories. Having strong tech and a strong military, Nigeria has several options of expansion before Endgame starts. They could likely conquer multiple European nations without much difficulty, but opponents like the Vandals or Zaire could lead to a more drawn out slugfest of a war. Though Nigeria is in first right now, complacency could lead to their stagnation, as we have seen with nations like Punjab, Malacca, and the Chukchi.