Power Rankings: Episode 11 – S3

Rosay:

Welp we all expected Qocho to enter doomed territory sooner or later, though the likely cause of that doom was always Qocho and not Han. With all due respect to Qocho, they are pulling off a surprisingly decent defense of Quarkhoja, but we don't exactly know how long that will hold. The Han offensive is disorganized to say the least with the Calvary running straight into spearmen and a large amount of units staying closer to the Han core, but the production difference is too significant to ignore. For every horse that Qocho kills, Han can replace it with 5, but for every spearman that Qocho loses, that's a lost unit never to be recovered. Who knows though Han might just make a poorly throughout peace treaty and let Qocho live.

Rosay:

Yeah ol' Phillip is stuck on the island now where he will likely fade into irrelevance, be ironically praised as a rump, or just die if Indonesia/Kokang gets a proper navy in there. I personally believe outcome one is the most likely just because early game AI naval war will end up a disaster 90% of the time, and there is no convincing fleet to take the last city, compared to the larger army at Qocho's doorstep.

Rosay:

I've seen that Simpsons image of Homer being slammed into a rock and a hard place so many times but it's really fitting here. Captain Jack's stronghold is under siege and Modoc is in a lot of trouble. At the very least Modoc is limiting the ways in and is armed to the gills, so they might be able to hold until the peace deal but god damn that's unfortunate.

Leman:

So, I’m both disappointed with Egypt and like completely unfazed by their decision to give away Thebes. Yeah, it was probably the dumbest decision they could have made, but honestly, they’re equally as screwed as they were before they gave it away. Maybe Chad will give them a clean, merciful death soon now?

Orange:

Seminole have started climbing the ranks! Only because others went down, but it’s something. I’d also like to point out that they have a higher population than Arapaho and the former number 1 the Permians. So, really, Seminole is basically in the top 10.

Altima

It’s a holiday in Cambodia, ‘cause they didn’t show up this part. It’s a holiday in Cambodia, where no news is good news.

Emu

Well, RIP our plan to put Bernie Sanders as Vermont's leader when Vermont ended up down to just Burlington. Ethan Allen rests in Windsor another day, eerily mimicking the Neutrals' performance as his capital's location protects him. Honestly, I liked Vermont, and even though I expected them to fail, I didn't expect it to be this bad, this early.

Msurdej:This write-up has more words in it than Khazaria has units.

CelestialDalek:The Anglo-Norse are still in this game. They have a military dictatorship, a dream, and 0 chances. Once Brandenburg declares war, watch as they rocket down 8 or 9 places into the “dead” place.

Orange:

Uganda continues to flip Mbarara and that’s the only relevant thing they have for them. Yemen is barely larger than them and yet is 24th in the stats. So what gives? Well it’s mostly just Idi Amin deciding to play one of the worst games on the cylinder. Like really mate, what were you doing? Uganda could be invading Arabia right now if they took that Yemeni city on the horn, but nah, Amin doesn’t know how to fight.

Cloudy:

Good news: Mori has almost risen out of the rump tier in terms of stats! The bad news: they’re still worse than the Anglo-Norse.

Leman:

Ainu is no longer the strongest member of the Dynamic Trio. That honor goes to North Korea, after they weathered the Gokturk invasion. Ainu, meanwhile, accomplished nothing, and dropped four ranks because of it. Personally, I’m kind of hoping they take advantage of Kwakwaka’wakw while they’re getting bullied by Cree to grab one or two of those Alaskan cities. Doesn’t seem like it’ll happen but I can dream.

Emu

Brazil goes up three ranks in what I can only describe as an old Australian figure skating trick. Make no mistake, they're as fucked as before, but their relative fuckitude level is significantly lower when other civs are crashing and burning like they are. I mean, sure, Pedro would crumple in a second if he received a war declaration from noted mid-tier La Plata, but what matters is that he's alive for now.

Leman:

Botswana’s uneventful part granted them a small dip in the ranking this part as their lack of cities looks worse and worse.

Leman:

It took 137 turns for Yolngu to build a settler. Jesus fucking Christ.

Shaggy:

*clap clap clap clap clap clap clap* Give Tomyris a round of applause everyone! Massagetae found the exact right time to try for a comeback. A weakened and distracted Permian army was just what they needed to take back Oxus and make Izhkar competitive. If they can peace out of the war with one (or, dare I say, both?) of them, I’ll call it a massive win. That being said, that is a really big ask. This is no small task and they are very much technologically outmatched. Oh, and there’s also the bit where if they don’t make it out in one piece (namely, if Oxus is recaptured by Perm) then they will be back where they started with fewer places to call a backup plan. Do or die time, but they might be able to do.

Msurdej:The Kyivan Rus are still here. The monks are keeping the city together for now, but if Lithuania, or maybe even Yugoslavia invades, they may end up going belly up.

Cloudy:

After briefly sliding all the way to 46th, North Korea is back up to 42nd after successfully defending Chongjin against Ming. They’ve also recruited the services of Douglas MacArthur himself, so for them to convert their biggest historical enemy, they must be doing something right.

Rosay:

Things going bad for AD: The gap keeps widening between them and Brandenburg, Ireland has cut them away from the Isles, Yugoslavia seems to be creeping inward, and the Dutchcore is non-existent. Things going good for the Anglo-Dutch: I mean they're not Castile.

Leman:

I don’t think any of us have any idea why Central America gained a rank.

Msurdej:This is the highest the Tetouan have ever gotten. They got it through...REASONS! I mean, they might be able to beat the Normans in Capua, but a protracted war would probably lead to their demise.

Cloudy:

Pandya is still waiting to die, and they’ll be waiting a while. Next...

Leman:

So, turns out Castile’s army is kind of wild for a civ of their size, mostly made up of their Horseman UU. Maybe the Castilians are planning on uniting Iberia by conquering Marrakech? Maybe they’ll use it to get revenge against the Anglo-Dutch? Maybe it’ll just sit around and do nothing for a hundred turns? Place your bets now!

Leman:

Yemen had a bit of a quiet stats spike this part, growing their production by 50%. It’s still kinda bad overall, but you know that’s something. Turkey and Chad seem to have boxed Yemen out of most of the spots left to settle on the Arabian Peninsula as well, so overall, not a great part for Yemen.

CelestialDalek:Greenland continues to disappoint everybody by not going on great naval adventures in Europe and instead going bankrupt. If they get off their laurels - who am I kidding, they’re just going to sit there and die.

Shaggy:

Our favorite South American Mounties, the Royal Danadian Lounted Police, are in a bit of a bog at the moment and are floating into that nebulous 25-35 rank range of civs that aren’t exactly screwed but have little to no chance of really breaking out without some help. They have enough of a core to not be worried about Chile or Inca invading them, they have enough cities to try to pump out units for small gains, but there just isn’t the spark. Or sparkle, they are also losing gold faster than Elon Musk. They’ll hang around for a while but I wouldn’t chalk that up to their own greatness.

Leman:

I swear to god, if we have another civ that starts with the British Isles all to themselves only to just let other civs settle them isles, I’m going to lose my mind. (I’m still salty about Wales from S2). At least Ireland captured Rotterdam, they better do that again when Greenland plops a city down next part.

Orange:

Ming continues to stay steady in the middle of the pack. Honestly, they have pretty decent stuff going on, just they are right next to Kokang and Han, two real strong powers. So how’s Ming going to come out on top? Well, first they gotta keep settling, there are a lot of Pacific islands which they need to grab before others get there. Second, they gotta take out Mori. Mori is doing terrible this game and is so weak, so it’s the perfect place for Ming to expand. Once that’s cleaned up, going after NK shouldn’t be hard, and then they can compete with Han and Kokang. Let’s hope it happens.

Altima

Zulu? Mo’ like “Whulo”.

Leman:

Indonesia beats Kokang to Cavite el Viejo! Impressive, but honestly, looking back at it, I shouldn’t be surprised. Indonesia is tailor made for naval conquest and has a much larger navy than Kokang, we should have put our money on Suharto making this conquest to start with, despite how much weaker overall Indonesia is compared to Kokang.

The question for Episode 12 is: Can he finish the job? Answer is almost certainly no. Malolos is surprisingly difficult to assault from the sea and Indonesia’s navy seems completely spent. One city is still a good outcome, they can finish it off in round 2.

Orange:

Mali… exists, I guess. They aren’t terrible, but they aren’t doing anything. Chad has recently been flexing their muscles, and Angola’s up to 11 cities, but Mali is just kinda trailing behind. I’d say their best bet is to go after the recent Angolan settles, since those cities are weak and directly within Mali's borders. It’ll fix the border gore up too. But instead Sundiata just decides to rest and maybe send out another settler. They really need to change it up soon so they don’t get overrun themselves.

Altima

Up and down Mbarara goes, flipping back and forth between the two African states. Where it’ll end, no-one knows, although probably with the Kilwa given their hordes of triremes. Even as bad as triremes are at their job the city has crap defense with all the flips, so they can easily cut it here. Still, getting stalemated this hard by Uganda of all civs isn’t a great look and the whole affair has stagnated their overall statistical growth, so down two ranks it is.

Leman:

Hey, Leman how’s Muisca’s war with Kayapo going? Well, I’m not glad you asked dear reader, because I kind of just don’t know? The PR server is fairly split. On the one hand Muisca lost Ubate. But that was a given, we knew that was going to happen. On the other hand they’re pressuring Bau and Kayapo has actively no troops. But the jungle seems to be making the Muisca assault difficult and there’s only one tile for Inca’s paltry navy to access the city. I’m just not sure? At this point, I’m expecting Bau to hold and this war to be a net loss for Muisca, but we’ll see.

Altima

Vladimir didn’t do anything this part, but they rise three ranks nonetheless on the back of having a couple of potential avenues for attack. Most notably, they can attack into Perm while the Permians are still distracted by their war against the Massagaetae, potentially devastating one of their Scary neighbors. Now, this could easily bring the attention of Lithuania, their other Scary neighbor. But if they don’t do it, their stats suck eggs and will eventually get them buried by their larger neighbors. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Orange:

Wiradjuri seemed like the Australian power but like, they really are just fucking things up. Yolngu is one of the weakest civs in the game right now and they’ve been putting up defenses easily. Third time’s the charm? Anyways, what’s Wiradjuri even doing in this game? I don’t know. They have good stats but can’t beat one of the easiest targets in the game. They really need to learn from the Maori on how to properly play in the South Pacific.

Cloudy:

Despite being attacked from multiple directions, the Kwaks only drop one rank this episode, apparently because the power rankers don’t think they’ll lose any cities. But while I am part of the aforementioned group that didn’t drop them, I’m going to play devil’s advocate here and say they could actually be in danger. In fact, most of the defending units around Tsaxis have been cleared out, and the Cree have a pretty deep reserve of horsemen to keep funneling through the mountain passes (which they now control). Furthermore, the Cree have the cylinder’s third largest army, so it’s entirely possible that the behind the scenes weighting will convince Willie Seaweed to give up a city in the peace treaty. So anyway, that’s something to keep in mind as the anti-Kwak coalition progresses.

Msurdej:

For a civ this spread out, the Normans only got one mention of this part. While they have decent stats, they haven't gotten into a meaningful war where they come away a winner. And sadly, this refrain seems likely to repeat for the rest of their time on the cylinder. Unless Guiscard gets his act together, he’ll be out.

Emu

The Maori didn’t do a ton this part, but they continue their steady climb up the rankings as their settlements look safer and safer in what’s proving to be the weakest Australia we've ever seen. Incan Polynesia notwithstanding, Potatau is finding success in every direction he looks. A three-rank rise is nothing to scoff at at this point in the game, and neither is a placement just outside the top 20. Really says something that they could flounder that hard in the early parts and still go on to be this strong.

Leman:

America confuses us. Like their stats are fairly solid. Nothing mind-melting, but decent. They have ten solid cities, are militarily accomplished, and they look like they might actually be posing a threat to those Incan cities in the Caribbean? But also, they kinda look like they stink? Like I can’t really put my finger on it, but I just don’t like America’s chances. I feel like they’re gonna look decent for a while and then Arapaho is just gonna stomp them?

I’ve also noticed America is also strangely naval focused. Which I think is in line with how they played in the test runs but I didn’t ever view those, so it’s news to me. Maybe Franklin’s plan is imperialism? That’s pretty in character for America.

Cloudy:

Timor-Leste rises into the top 20 for the second time ever, on account of... reasons? They didn’t actually do anything; we’re just shuffling the ranks here. At least they did rise up the stats a bit, especially in terms of tech, where they’re now tied for second place in techs researched and are appearing once more on the leaderboard in effective science. And then there’s the fact that they build Nan Madol, which adds even more juicy yields to their already stacked capital. So you know what, I do see it, actually.

CelestialDalek:The Permians have managed to cut their losses against Tuva and work fully on attacking the Massagetae. Their position is still vulnerable: they don’t have enough military, their stats are fine, but an attack from their neighbors would be very bad for them. They might be able to pull something off, but I doubt it.

Orange:

Kayapo continues to inch closer to the top because holy fuck their science game is insane. Double the effective science and two techs ahead of second place for each of those stats. However, science doesn’t ensure they can fight, and Muisca is finally putting them to the test. Though, from the war so far, Kayapo seems to be doing fine. Muisca can’t push through the jungle so Kayapo’s severe lack of units isn’t becoming an issue, yet.

Cloudy:

Yugoslavia holds steady after barely appearing on screen in episode 11. I’ll reiterate what I said about them an episode or 2 ago: their position vis-a-vis the Normans is surprisingly strong, and if they can launch a well-timed attack, we might see them rise a few ranks yet.

Shaggy:

What a disappointment! With all of the eyes on Incan Polynesia, I was at least hoping for some Chilean triremes to put some blood in the water. Unfortunately that blood is theirs as the bulk of the Chilean navy has been torn to shreds by the long Incan coastline. The lack of any major Incan navy to speak of and a respectable base of production makes this less of a defeat than a stumbling block. Still though, I’m excited to see an unexpected Chilean Pacific.

Leman:

After claiming every random square inch of land Jonas could think of, Angola decided to spend this episode recovering from their exertion last part. I’d like to say Angola spent this part bulking up and improving their stats but that’s not true. They only gained three population (for reference, Turkey gained 26 population), and equally small amounts in other stats like Production and Military. No wonder we dropped them.

Leman:

Chad was the only African civ that did literally anything at all this part, and that was deserving of a rank. They founded two cities, Fada in the Sinai and Am Timan in the Western Maghreb area. Neither are incredibly exciting just yet, but if Chad can connect either to their main empire they’ll be cooking with gas.

This single rank increase Chad to swap ranks with Angola and become the highest ranked civ in Africa (unless we count Turkey, which we don’t), a title Chad hasn’t held since part 0. Honestly, I’m proud of Chad.

Msurdej:  

Bengal remains strong, but can’t seem to break back into the top 10. With Afghanistan to the left, Kokang to the right, mountains to the north, and Pandya/an ocean to their south, Bengal’s best bet is Pandya. But can Shuja-ud-Din Muhammad Khan unit the tribes to expand their empire?

CelestialDalek:Due to stagnation, the Gokturks drop a few ranks. They are definitely a strong civ who could take down most other civs, but their neighbors are either also really strong (Tuva, Han) or defended by terrain (Ainu, North Korea). There’s nowhere to go right now, but the reason they’re still nice and high is they have good stats and the chance for an opportunity. If they can exploit weaknesses, they can do well. On the other hand, this is civ AI.

Emu

Kokang drops a part this rank, which means... *checks notes* absolutely nothing. Still, sad to lose a top 10 spot. Oh, they're at war with the Philippines! Maybe that'll be- wait, they got beaten to Cavite el Viejo and their navy isn't very big? Hm. Well, better luck whenever you decide to take on the Ming, Yang.

Altima

Despite wasting away their military against the Modoc and letting the Arapaho forward settle them, Mohave goes up two ranks. Why? Well, simply put, their stats are pretty good. Given time, the Arapaho will catch up in every way with their over-twice-as-many cities, but for now, the Mohave have a pretty sizable tech, effective science, and pop lead over the Juggernaut of the Midwest, so they still have plenty of ways to potentially swing around this situation. A good start would be to stop fucking around and go hard into the Modoc, but the terrain is all hills and mountains, so I get the AI fucking that up pretty hard. Maybe the Cree will soften them enough.

Leman:

Han’s been on a steady rise in the past few parts, and it seems like that rise is culminating with an elimination of Qocho! With this looming potential elimination Han enters the top ten for the first time since Episode 5. It’s an impressive show, after losing a city to the Gokturks, Han has been consistently beefing up its stats and army, so they can finally take out Qocho. Maybe next time Han can take on someone a little more challenging. Maybe Ming?

Emu

Inca holds steady in the low top 10, undisputed masters of South America. Solid stats, a lot of land, a large army..... what's not to like? Well, the surrounding terrain, I guess, but everyone around them is dealing with that too. Plus, they have some sort of opportunity to strike south in the meantime. I'd call that something. All in all, classic 8th place scenario. These guys just OOZE 8th place. If this was an 8th placiest competition, they'd come in 8th. Not good enough to win a trophy, good enough for your dad to pat you on the back and say you did good. Damn solid in my book.

Rosay:

Cree is a great civ don’t get me wrong, but the number one civ that is holding it back from excelling is all of the strong competition around it makes it hard to expand. While yes pound to pound Cree beats all of its neighbors, all the opportunities are hard to traverse. Let’s go over that list real quick, the obvious choice is the somewhat weaker Arapaho, who has a strong military of their own, focused on blocking off Quebec and the prairies. Next is America who is competent in their own little way and can only truly invade through the Great Lakes. Mohave is a nightmare invasion to get through the west coast and Greenland requires an extended naval invasion. Kwakwaka’wakw is kinda possible but the terrain makes it a long and drawn out conquest. That’s not to say expansion is impossible, a coalition war or just proper invasion timing/tactics makes anything possible, and Cree is still stronger pound for pound than its neighbors, they just need to work for it a lot harder

Emu

Turkey continues their mostly unannounced climb up towards the upper echelons, and it's not very hard to see why. It's not so much that they're mega-strong (Not that their strength is anything to sneeze at), it's that they find themselves a big fish in a small pond. Or a.... big fish, in a big pond, filled with smaller fish? Let's just say their neighbors are weak. They could strike almost anyone next to them at any time and expand their empire significantly, and their performance so far has shown above-average willingness to do just that. Ataturk has thoroughly earned his 6th place spot.

Shaggy:

Arapaho continue to explore their position as preeminent power du jour of North America by settling a new city along the Rio Grande river, cutting off Mohave movement significantly between their northern and southern holdings. I’d expect Pretty Nose to build up another carpet relatively quickly given their production, but if Mohave were inclined towards some swift aggression they could swindle Arapaho out of their ambitious settlement plans.

Shaggy:

Brandenburg spent much of this part doing what you’d expect from a solid European power with world domination on the mind: expanding their base and swatting at annoying flies… I mean neighbors. They whittled the Irish invasion force down to nothing in exchange for some of their Scandinavian carpet. There are also a few settlers still looking to gobble up more land somewhere in the northern Atlantic. I count 4 Great Generals in their core, which are enough to plant citadels up to the doorsteps of any two of Ludenburgh, Zagreb, or The Hague.

Leman:

Lithuania falls to third despite snapping up Massagetae’s undefended northern outpost of Kara-Kum. They didn’t really do anything wrong, the Lithuanians are still looking extremely powerful, they’ve got the fourth largest army, the fifth most production, tied for second in technologies and have 14 cities. These extremely impressive stats, and that nice bit of conquest make Lithuania more than deserving of this third place rank.

Msurdej:  Reaching the #2 spot, Afghanistan has a mighty empire in the Middle East. They have solid stats, with the most important ones being in the top 5. And more important than that, they’ve got ways to expand. Pandya remains weak, the Massagetae are on shaky ground, and they could take a few cities off Khazaria. And with access to Pikemen, they could sweep through those lands. But will that be enough to take down our number one spot?

Emu

Tuva spends another part at #1, and with the dip from their longtime rival Perm it looks like they'll be here for a long time to come. Every civ around them is far, far weaker than they are at this point, which means that unlike other top civs, they've got plenty of easy prey yet. The only way I could see these guys falling even to 2nd is one of the great Euro powers really making a dash for it. They're no Snoryaks either, conquering at a decent clip and turning contenders into has-beens. Donduk Kuular's reign is absolute, and he seems to have no intention of letting his iron grip slip.