Power Rankings: Episode 13 – S3

CelestialDalek:

Now that all the worst civs are dead, Cambodia gets the role of shame of last place. They’re at war with Kokang, whose units are hampered by the jungle, but if they survive the war I’m still only going to remember them when I have to do a writeup on them.

Leman:

I think Bulan’s best friend is the Caspian Sea because without it, Ataturk would have absolutely murdered him. And also, because nobody else likes him.

Leman:

Malolos is actually kind of a fortress. There are only two coastal tiles bordering the city,  a mountain prevents anyone from landing directly west of it, and the whole island is carpeted by Composite Bowmen. I know that the Philippines just lost Pasig, but we’re sort of at the point where we’re not looking to see if there’s any salvaging this position, we’re just seeing how long they can survive. At this tech level, I don’t really expect Malolos to go anywhere anytime soon.

CelestialDalek:Modoc continues to fall into irrelevancy. They still have that city of theirs and it continues to be a stronghold. It is nigh-impossible for them to break out from the lava tubes, so just wait until their neighbors get units with higher movement and breach the walls.

Leman:

The enviable thing about Vermont, is the only civ that could realistically kill them right now is America. The unenviable thing about Vermont is that if America declared war, Vermont would be dead in less than five turns. Same with Seminole really. I wonder if Micanopy and Ethan can bond over that?

Emu

The only thing I can say about Seminole is that FDR is so bad at cities that Cuscowilla is the biggest one on the eastern seaboard. They haven't accomplished anything at all since getting Apopka captured. What are you doing down there, Mikey? Can I see? Please be nukes.

Cloudy:

What even is an Egypt anyway?

Remember when these guys were ranked #1 in Africa?

Orange:

A-N is at like the upper end of the “Basically Dead” tier, they did nothing and got nothing going on but at least they have slightly better stats than the people with only one city and Brandenburg is off quarreling with Ireland. So hey, good for them.

Orange:

Well they did it, they finally ended a part holding Mbarara. Not to say they will continue to hold it, they most certainly won’t. But it’s something! Woo! Go Uganda!

Anyways, bets on when Yemen will roll over them?

CelestialDalek:One thing is clear: Rio de la Plata is losing their war against Chile. The units to defend their core are sparse, and Chile has reinforcements on the way. Also, Chile has considerably more industrial capacity and can make more units in case this turns into a war of attrition. Since Buenos Aires is in nice plains, it should be easy to take when Chile takes the initiative. It’s just a matter of time until it falls or the peace deal falls.

Altima

Wiradjuri has started settling the Outback. Yolngu has not. This may finally give Wiradjuri the production advantage to finally kill the Yolngu and spare us from having to talk about them. Please, end our nightmare.

Emu

Mori is actually settling northern Honshu! I think this is actually the most an AI that's spawned here has actually settled the island, and no one next to them looks much stronger at all. It makes no difference at this point though. Even Ainu and North Korea are starting to pull significantly ahead. No, I'm afraid this is too little, too late for our Japanese friends in red. Unlike Mori's navy, that ship sailed a long time ago.

JDT: One Freak Two Freak Three Freak Four

Come on in, knock on Brazils door

Five Freak Six Freak Eight Freak Ten

Now Brazil has come for your end

There is no more room to rend

Cloudy:

Fun fact: North Korea has never lost a war. For once the propaganda is actually true. Not that it’s done them any good...

CelestialDalek:To give you an idea of how well Massagetae is doing, they were mentioned 0 times this part. They aren’t lower only because they don’t have one city, and even still they should probably be a bit lower. Once Afghanistan attacks or the Permians come in for round 3, it’s game over for Tomyris.

Leman:

Last part Botswana founded a fourth city, and we all lost our minds. This part, they did not do that, so I don’t really have anything to say.

Emu

I was going to write about Ainu;s nothing war with Kwak, but was informed that that actually ended this part. I really think the fact I didn’t notice that says a lot about how boring these guys are, but honestly? I think they're doing better than ever right now. They suck, sure, but all their neighbors either suck worse or are oriented far, far away. The only interesting thing I can think of about them is that it's impossible to tell who will actually kill them or when. So that's a point in their favor, I guess?

Msurdej:

Sadly, there was very little news from the Kyivan Rus this part. Which is fair, since very little is their chances of winning the game at this point.

Emu

Central America is a civilization. In the center. Of the Americas. Not rankings wise, though, they're 11th out of 17 there. Also they're still an atheism-focused civ with a really shitty religion that they're not spreading. I like to imagine ol' Francy coming up with this religion after centuries of government atheism and everyone going “??????” and acting as if it never happened. And then some guys in Muisca pick it up. The end.

Emu

How sad do you have to be to play second fiddle to Tetouan? Not that Tetouan isn't the greatest, but they're in the bottom half, come on Isabella. Even the Anglo-Dutch are solidly ahead at this stage in the game. Castile is really just fundamentally unlikable. No charm, no stats, no empire, no prospects. I started this writeup completely neutral towards Castile (as is the universal opinion), but now I just kind of wish they would die and give their cities to someone who actually deserves them.

Altima

No news is good news for the Anglo-Dutch.

Orange:

Sayyida has made this war 1000x better than the previous one. No giving away cities in the peace. Taking their original city back. Taking a newly founded Malian city. Things are looking good for the Tetouans. Mali is 4 cities ahead but only 10 ranks ahead despite that disastrous start. Like, it’s impressive. At this rate by the time the next war starts Tetouan will have a fleet prepared to take Kankan while Mali still struggles to get through the Atlas mountains. I hope it happens, Mali has been boring as shit and Tetouan’s weird antics and settles are much more fun to see succeed.

Orange:

Ol’ Willie is not having a very good time, but at least it could be worse. Tsaxis may have been burned to the ground but they are looking to pick up Essipit that the Cree stupidly founded. They also have a settler heading to Japan so if anything, by the time this war is over they will be up on cities, kinda. However this all hides one very disastrous bit of information: Willie’s dead broke. -76 gpt and 0 in the bank. Luckily the Cree are only one tech ahead so the science penalty isn’t going to bite them just yet, but it does mean that they are gonna have a real tough time fielding units when they keep disbanding due to bankruptcy. Let’s hope Kwak can kwak enough to push through this mess.

Cloudy:

Pandya are going to be that civ that you totally forgot was in this season when you think back a couple years down the line. I’m calling it now.

Msurdej:

When war was declared on Ming by the Han, it could have been a disastrous battle for Yongle. However,  the Chinese leader was able to hold off the onslaught for long enough to make peace with the Han. Unfortunately, the cost of peace was giving up Guangzhou, leaving Ming down a city, which is never a good sign.

Shaggy:

Little action coming from the southern part of Africa this week. The Zulu are outpacing Botswana in stats and are sitting just about even with Kilwa militarily. They aren’t winning any naval battles against Kilwa’s carracks, so land invasions should be on Cetshwayo’s mind for the time being. Zulu is also falling behind in science when compared to other civs of similar size. This isn’t a problem yet as they are able to field comparable land units to their neighbors, but if the trend continues then Zulu’s hopes of conquest will be harder and harder to realize.

Altima

Greenland isn’t broke! That’s nice. They also settled Ireland! Historical precedent says that this’ll cause Ireland to declare war and take the city by force, but for now, it’s progress. Not much else from Hans this week, but I suppose he still has some time to figure himself out with how remote his position is.

Cloudy:

Against all odds, Kayapo held it together this episode, making peace with Muisca and managed to keep the Inca at bay, despite being heavily outnumbered. Tupac managed to do no lasting damage to the vulnerable city of Kuban-Kran-Krên, and is now also distracted with a war against Rio de la Plata. Nevertheless, Kayapo’s survival is far from assured—recent events suggest that they are more vulnerable than we once thought, and they will have to put in some effort to claw their way back into the top half.

Altima

Yemen hold continues,

City count still,held fast at five.

Still has okay stats though.

Orange:

Michael Collins is doing stuff, I think. He has three settlers out but none of them settling (and Greenland somehow got to the southern tip of Ireland first). He fought Brandenburg twice (one not his fault) and nothing happened in either war. He uh… I don’t know what else he did. Can he settle the rest of the isles already? There’s like 4 or 5 spots I can see that those settlers can go.

Shaggy:

I think Vladimir are a solidly mid-tier civ with a lot of upside potential. They are one of the contenders to sneak an elimination against Kyivan Rus’ and if the Permians botch another invasion against Massagetae or *shudder* gets their army eviscerated by Tuva then Vladimir could snag a few of their western cities. Turkey to the south is not much of a threat yet due to the favorable geography in the Greater Caucasus, so the only thing stopping Vladimir from being able to take advantage of one of those opportunities is the threat of Lithuanian troops materializing out of their forests and capturing some cities while the Vladimiri (is that the demonym? Vladimiran, maybe?) army isn’t home.

Emu

We at the Power Rankings are all hoping good old Killy will rear its head and give one of its trademark performances sometime soon now that carracks are a factor. Just continuing to flip with Uganda would be really anticlimactic after all their past shockers in other games. Maybe that's al-Hassan's big joke this game. Build up a reputation for insane moves, finally get to the big leagues, do nothing. That would be a really good one. Not as good as deciding to up and build a second core in Polynesia or something. But still good.

CelestialDalek:

Mali continues to get their ass kicked by Tetouan and shows that they cannot wage wars competently. They have a good core if you ignore the Angolan city in the middle of it and ignore the lack of military units, and have mediocre stats. They’re in the middle of the pack for African civs mainly because they still can’t compete with Chad, Angola, or Turkey (they own as many cities as Egypt in African, fight me on this). They’re not doing half bad, but they really, really need to work harder against Tetouan.

Emu

Maori chances are trending slightly downward as Wiradjuri gains a slight amount of competence. They really need a weak Australia to make any headway of any kind, and while that's still the case, it's now looking like there are no givens in the region at all. Between that and Incan Polynesia, it looks like their imminent problems are starting to pile up. For them to not lose even more ranks in fairly short order, they really need to start showing progress on one or both of those fronts.

Shaggy:

I think I still like the Normans. They’re playing the part of a Mediterranean-focused civ very well and providing a fun buffer between the other North African and other European civs outside of a couple interesting colonies in the Sahara. I worry that if they wait too long for someone to become the preeminent power of sub-Saharan Africa or for Turkey to win some major Chad territory then the Normans will be stuck between 2 or 3 top tier civs, but the potential for Robert Guiscard to direct his armada at Tetouan’s tasty looking coastal cities gives me hope that the Normans will be able to properly bulk up before Turkey, Brandenburg, or Chad/Angola/a surprise civ start giving them grief.

Leman:Honestly, I have trouble dreaming up a better part for Indonesia. First of all, the Philippines donated the city of Pasig to them, which is fantastic, because its effectively impossible for Indonesia to capture Malolos. They had big growth in stats, with significant gains in science, production, and population. Finally, somewhere, Indonesia founded a tenth city. I have no idea where, I can’t find it on the minimap, but the stats would never lie to me.

All of this led to a nice little two-rank rise, putting Indonesia within striking distance of Timor-Leste, the regional leader. I’m excited to see that future conflict!

Altima

The Muisca are doing alright. Consolidated their hold on Bau, peaced out rather than wasting more men in a hell jungle with no possibility of naval support, and all their neighbors are still either weak (Central America, Kayapo) or have too much hell terrain to threaten them right now (the Inca). They’ve got options, but for now, bulking their army back up would be a smart play. Maybe build more of a navy, threaten some damn Yanks out in the Caribbean.

Shaggy:

Even though Wiradjuri is one of the most underwhelming Australian civs I’ve seen, they are still the better Australian civ with space to grow and few competitors. At this point in the game, that certainly counts for something. Positioning to possibly begin purging their shores of the incursive Maori colonies, we might be able to see them (finally) do something. Maori are no slouch at their core, but have only a token force stationed at their colonies so they could provide a good jumping off point for Windradyne.

Msurdej:  Yugoslavia barely holds onto its top 20 spot as the civ was practically a no show. Lawspeaker Josip Broz Tito the Glorious hasn’t been able to effectively wage war against the Anglo-Norse, despite the sheer gap in power between them. If he truly wants to earn that Glorious title, he’ll need to nab some serious victories, either in Europe, or inYugoSahara.

Emu

Timor-Leste breaks the top 20 barrier, tying their highest ranking of all time. Their rivals are growing, to be sure, but right now it still looks like they're growing faster. I'm sure Xanana just wanted it to be an actual challenge, it would be too easy to just conquer pushovers. Even when they're in the top 20, solidly ahead of anyone else in the region, they still feel like scrappy underdogs. I guess that's just the effect starting in Indonesia and climbing up from 61st has on a civ long-term.

Msurdej:  

Man, it’s been a while since Angola did anything exciting. Their only mention was how they added a new name to their name: ‘Warrior of Angola’ and an Independence Day spoof. Chad has been far more active in the region, and it shows with their higher rank, even though the two civs have comparable stats. If Angola wants to reclaim the top spot in Africa, Jonas is going to have to put in more work.

JDT:

Good job FDR, you managed to describe how American history looks like to tankies. With the whole dark age shenaniganry aside, the USA honestly isn’t doing too terribly. Their stats are still fairly decent, they have a pretty solidly connected core and . The big issue is the long con.

Emu

The Permians continue to slowly recover from their devastating war against Tuva, gaining another rank this week in their slow and steady climb back towards the top 10. Their little army problem seems to have been fixed, and the rest of their stats have rebounded nicely too. So why aren't they higher? Well, the fact remains: they're still next to Tuva, who's still unquestionably far, far stronger than them. Kuular destroys Azykay in every stat except science, where he holds only a slight lead. On the plus side, Tuva is the only neighbor that poses any sort of real threat, with the rest being far inferior and likely to collapse in the face of a Permian invasion. The bear may have a spear or two in him from our friends on the steppe, but don't count him out just yet.

Shaggy:

Personally, I think Bengal are overrated and this week’s PR bump for them is a move in the wrong direction in my opinion. Their stats are good but not great and they don’t have any immediate threats that seem like they’d realistically take a chunk out of their empire, but it will be hard for Bengal to compete with Afghanistan for cities as the two of them look to carve up Pandya. And other than Pandya, Bengal’s only real targets are Kokang (where they’d have to break through the funnel that is Chin Shwe Haw to have any chance), Indonesia (who seemingly can field a better navy than Bengal), or the sole city of Cambodia (which is accessible through like 1 land tile and maybe 2 coast tiles if Indonesia doesn’t already have units there). Basically, Bengal is doing some good buildup but has to find a time to gain the initiative to overcome some very unfortunate geography. Or just hold Afghanistan to a stalemate until they can research Flight…

Cloudy:

The Gokturks are continuing to slip. However, they do have a major opportunity to regain that ground: the coalition against Han. With Wu already fighting two top ten powers in Tuva and Kokang, his northern cities are almost undefended, and the Gokturks still have a huge army. So will they strike while the iron is hot? We’ll find out in episode 14.

Emu

Chad continues to leave their closest rival Angola in the dust, despite a slight drop in rank this week. Although to be honest, Africa is really weak this game, so I wouldn't put so much stock in that position. When you boil it down to the basics, they have two things; a cadre of weaker civs around them, and a massive fuckoff jungle between them and their only threat. They're statistically a mid-tier surrounded by low-tiers right now, and that earns them a cushy spot here at a baker's dozen.

Orange:

Really nice part for Chile, captured a new city, secured Tupiza, decimated the Argentinian army and navy, and are about to take Mendoza to become the rightful owners of the Falklands. I think Chile is my favorite in South America so far, complete underdogs and I want to see them do so well. Anyways, I would like to point out that on the stat sheet they are 26, here they are ranked 12th. A nice combination of not many other strong South American civs and a fair amount of space, only real competition is Inca who can’t really attack them. So it’s still up in the air if they will stay at this rank, but things are looking up for Allende.

Cloudy:

Hello from Mohawaii! Irataba is settling as many cities on the archipelago as he can, which is a good move given that there isn’t much of anywhere else left. However he will need to get rid of that Ming settlement if he wants to unite the islands. Where’s Kamehameha when you need him?

Cloudy:

Kokang gets to stay at 10th this time instead of flipping back to 11th as usual, and that’s because Olive Yang is finally showing some initiative. Declaring war on both Cambodia and Han is the kind of boldness we want to see, and it’s especially encouraging to see that Kokang is actually pushing toward Phnom Penh, despite the rough terrain. I previously thought it would be a long time before Yang managed to get through the marshes and jungles to take that city, but now I’m not so sure.

Cloudy:

This would have sounded crazy not too long ago, but it seems possible that the Cree could actually come out behind in the Kwakwaka’wakw war. Despite capturing a major enemy city, they decided to burn it to the ground, so that gave them nothing. And now they settled a new city surrounded by Kwak units, which they’re probably going to lose. So uh, invest in Arapaho I guess? At least they’re actually competent.

Emu

Han has somehow completely failed to take anything off their much weaker rival Ming bar the Guangzhou colony in the peace deal, and their war with the Gokturks isn't looking too great either. They're undeniably very strong, the stats prove that, but where can they go with all that strength if not to someone 25 ranks below them? This is a pathetic performance, and it absolutely doesn't help that they're busy grinding their army against one of the largest on the cylinder to likely no effect. But hey, at least they're not going to lose anything for a long, long time.

Msurdej:  

Tupac finds himself on the warpath this part as he marches on both the Kayapo, and Rio De La Plata. While the assault on Kuben-Kran-Kren is failing to produce results, they can have a lot more luck in their recent coalition against RDLP. Whether by pure force, or sniping cities, Tupac can capture a lot of cities, and ensure their place as the top dog in South America.

Msurdej:  

Lithuania falls out of the top five for the first time in a few parts. While they have great stats (including the most powerful army on the cylinder, there are two things holding them back. The first is their overall lack of action in the region, failing to attack weaker neighbors like Vladimir, the Kyivan Rus or the Anglo-Norse. Second, they have a powerful neighbor right next to them, in our number rank...

Emu

Brandenburg takes a slight fall this week, but they're still top in Europe by a narrow margin. Willy proves he's not cut out for naval conquest, throwing his entire fleet away in pointless battles around the Irish isles. Luckily, Michael Collins is just as bad at naval combat, so he's spared the humiliation of losing cities to a civ that's barely top 30. They look as unwilling to try any land conquest as ever, too, and the previously nearly undefended Anglo-Dutch are looking like less and less of a pushover all the while. I'm putting these guys solidly in the rapidly-growing “hurry the fuck up” category.

Emu

Arapaho confuses me. As pointed out in the narration, they have an absolutely massive army that seems to be nowhere, and all they're currently attempting to take a far-flung Kwak city. Really, we're all just waiting for their war with the Cree to prove who's the real master of the continent. Until then (or until their eastern flank gets blitzed by FDR), there won't really be a ton to write about Arapaho's performance except that they're doing very well and are on track to sweep the entire continent.

Leman:

Afghanistan slips into third, but in all honesty, the top three civs (spoiler, but process of elimination you could have guessed, it’s Tuva, Turkey, and Afghanistan) are all extremely close statistically. All of Afghanistan’s relevant stats are incredible: they’re top five in military manpower, production, city count, population, effective science, and technology count, and that is incredible by all means. Their neighbors are all weak (bar Turkey), and the Himalayas provides an excellent defensive bulwark against invaders. Afghanistan still even has a little bit of room for a city or two, in Central Asia. Everything is great for Afghanistan and don’t be surprised to see them up here for many, many more episodes.

JDT:

It may seem a little surprising to see Turkey up here. Look at the stats sheet and we’ll assure you, it's not that insane. Turkey has stats on par with the other three powers, and though one could argue they have a slightly rougher position, Ataturk has something that awards them a spot up - aggression. While Tuva and Afghanistan have been pretty passive throughout, Turkey has been hammering on its neighbours constantly, accruing top-of-the-line stats in practically every aspect and most recently banishing the Khazars to the other side of the Caspian sea.

Emu

Tuva stays at #1 for yet another part, but dissent is growing, with one ranker even putting them 3rd. This is mainly due to the historical fall-flatedness of Siberian giants across oh, I don't know, every single past mark. Their stats have fallen to third, and at this point it's mostly Afghan sleepiness keeping Tuva up here. But Donny is still leading in cities by a huge margin, and if he manages to tack on any more by conquest soon, confidence is sure to resurge in his ability to make it over the hump, cementing his place above all the rest for weeks to come. It's not the tallest of orders given every civ around is undisputedly weaker, but many others have stalled themselves into decline right here. So, even after all he's done, Donduk Kuular will have to prove himself yet again. It's a long way to the finish line, and an early lead won't always get you the win.