Civ Battle Royale Power Rankings! They’re rankings of power! (But only as of the instant of the end of the previous episode, as these are not meant to be future predictions!) Power Rankings!
Emu
Aguinaldo manages to stave off death another week. Malolos' health is consistently dropping, and at this rate the strange geography of the canal city isn't going to carry them through next part. Mostly I'm just annoyed that that trireme they got out stopped me from being able to finally do a eulogy slide.
Orange:
They are pretty fucked, but Brandenburg has -21 happiness and so is getting a -42% penalty to the strength of every unit. And Ribe still hasn’t been touched at all, so at least they will outlive the Philippines unless Indonesia peaces out. Though it’d be really funny if Brandenburg fails to take Lundenburh. Imagine if they failed to take a city from either of their two weak neighbors (both conveniently having “Anglo-” in their name).
Rosay:
Cambodia has successfully managed to fend off both Kokang and Indonesia which is genuinely impressive now that the tech creep is beginning. Don't exactly know how long they will be able to hold that momentum once Indonesia discovers how to do naval war right but hey, their continued survival is impressive.
Rosay:
Ok let's see what Khazaria did, just let me pull up the part, see if they died and.... what's that?... they didn't?.... and now we have another 1 city state that's probably not going to die for awhile until one specific civ declares war on them....lovely.
JDT:I have more words for drywall than I do for Egypt.
Msurdej:The Seminole are just one war with America away from dying. Moving on.
Msurdej:Modoc continues to fall into irrelevancy. They still have that city of theirs and it continues to be a stronghold. It is nigh-impossible for them to break out from the lava tubes, did you even notice I repeated last part’s write up and just added this line? So just wait until their neighbors get units with higher movement and breach the walls.
Altima
Vermont didn’t do anything this part, but then, no-one did anything to them either, so call it a win.
Leman:
Uganda’s heroic defense of Mbarara comes to an end as Yemen ruthlessly seizes the city. Unlike Kilwa, Yemen is great so I think the flips have come to an end. Finally.
CelestialDalek:The situation in Buenos Aires is almost the same, just rotated around 45 degrees. The Incan army is storming through the vulnerable Platanese plains, surrounding cities, and overall just not giving the citizens of any cities down there a good time. Unless they’re patriotic Incan immigrants. Some more concentration and Tupac has it in the bag.
Orange:
Welp, they tried, but not enough. Couldn’t take that RDLP city and now the Muisca have stolen their Caribbean colony. They really need to sneak in a city grab from this RDLP war soon or they are gonna be completely blocked out from anything.
Cloudy:
I don’t know what to say about these guys. Do they even know they’re in the game?
Msurdej:
The only mention Massagetae got this part was showing they joined the “declare war on Kilwa” brigade. Moving on
Orange:
There really isn’t much to say this part for North Korea themselves. But their neighbors, wew. Mori is finally filling up Japan so their weakest neighbor is soon going to be doing a whole lot better. The Gokturks are still sitting around with one of the largest armies just ready to beat up NK. Things aren’t looking too good for the supreme leader as he continues to fall behind on everything.
Msurdej:
Sadly, there was very little news from the Kyivan Rus this part. This time, they were mentioned in a slide about being a target for Valdimir, and a war with a civilization on another continent. This should tell you their chances of winning the game at this point. Moving on
Cloudy:
Mori suddenly gains four ranks, reaching their highest point since episode 6! The reason? They founded a fifth city, just an episode or two after founding their fourth. So basically, Mori is popping off. Too bad they waited until there was basically no land left lmao
JDT:
The Ainu settled a new city in Tohoku! Huzzah!
On the bright side, one of their three major existential threats shouldn’t be much of an issue in the short term. On the darker side, they are running out of space and will probably get stomped in a war.
Reformer:
Eh, uh, did they do something? Anything? Looks like they’re obsessed with slowly filtering in units towards Kilwa. There’s all sorts of lakes and mountains in the way, for the love of god, please do something else. Anything else. Fight Angola again for all I care.
Rosay:
Pandya did not really do anything this point but now they are slightly more relevant for the wrong reason. See now that Timor Leste is getting to digivolve to cross-oceanic power now Pandya has to worry about Bengal, Afghanistan, and now maybe Timor Leste.
Cloudy:
The main thing Castile did this episode was continue to lose the battle of the Bay of Biscay to Ireland. None of Isabella’s cities are threatened by Ireland’s triremes, but oof. How could Castile let them get so close to home?
Altima
Well, they’re certainly well-armed irrelevant theistic atheists. Safe to say they’ll do the Central American Civ thing of “does nothing, but takes excruciatingly long to kill.”
Leman:
Tetouan is a bad civ whose most notable attribute is embarrassing Mali over and over again. They’re still at war so maybe something will happen but I’m not holding my breath for the three-peat.
Altima
Things have been chill for everyone’s favorite mediocre orange civ, as aside from a pointless war on Tetouan, they didn’t do anything of note this part. They do need to get pikes at some point soon- all their neighbors have them, including the ever-looming threat of Brandenburg, who are currently grinding away at the other Anglos as we speak. Still, they have time to catch up there- at current pace, it’ll take BB a few years to get through the Norse’s firm defense of nothing, and Castille is still getting its shit kicked by the Irish.
Reformer: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? DECLARE WAR ON KILWA! Ahem. I do mean it. Massive global coalition. What better opportunity will you have? You will LOSE THE GAME if you do not take advantage of opportunities like this. I’m not telling you again.
Emu
Greenland is starting to get entertaining. Despite bad tech, they're starting a naval buildup that makes their little chain of coastal cities in the far north Atlantic look more and more like a wildcard in the region. Too far out for Brandenburger or American naval forces to be a real threat, close enough to take a stab at their outposts. Their recent burst of themistoclesing around spells good things for their long-standing financial crisis, too. Whatever happens, the islands from Newfoundland to the Faroes will be the site of great battles to come.
Reformer:Vladimir stumbles down the ranks a fair bit as the rankers realize just how awful their position is. I mean, to be fair, they’ve been stuck between Lithuania and Permians this whole time, but at least before their army was competitive, they had targets like Khazaria and Kiev, but now, Khazaria is gone, Kiev’s army is healthy in its own right, and of course, Permians have recovered from their disastrous wars. Nothing has changed with Lithuania, they’re still a top 5 contender. So what options does Vladimir have? Nothing proactive, that’s for sure. All they can really do is hope a neighbor ends up in a bad war, or a victim of a coalition, something like that. So not a great forecast. Should’ve sold your stocks two parts ago, I’m afraid.
Cloudy:
Ming had war against them declared by Bengal... that’s news, I guess. Also, I think we should start counting down the days until Mohave decides to yoink Ming’s Hawaiian colony. Other than that, not much to report here.
Orange:
Kilwa faces the wrath of the world against them, dropping them a massive four whole ranks. Okay well it’s not that massive of a drop and it’s not really the whole world, it’s mostly just Yemen and Uganda (who they have already been fighting for years). They aren’t really in much danger since Yemen doesn’t have Carracks, but they won’t be getting Mbarara back anytime soon. Honestly, it could be much worse for them given the size of this coalition. But, just as much, Zulu could decide to join and mess up their core so better watch out.
Furthermore, Kilwa must be destroyed. Wait…
Orange:
Kwak’s coming back on track showing cracks in Cree’s back. They even came out of it with an increase in cities, one lost to razing and then two captured from new Cree settles. No idea what Poundmaker was thinking but things are turning up Kwak. Now, things aren’t good yet for the Kwakwaka’wakw, they’re down in stats a fair amount since the start, low tech, few troops. But hey, they still got 9 cities and plenty of boats to flip the recent Cree settle. Just gotta peace out, rebuild, and move against the Ainu.
Oh yeah they are broke as fuck right now maybe that taints what I just said by a whole lot.
Orange:
It seems I have some competition in the disliking Kayapo competition as another ranker has put them only 2 above my rank, a whole 20 below the highest rank. As the one most pessimistic about Kayapo, I do have to admit they did defend well enough against the Inca, but to be fair, Inca really wasn’t trying very hard. The Inca do happen to be 8 techs behind. But look, Kayapo’s 5 tech lead above second place still isn’t gonna mean shit if they aren’t attacking anyone. And until the Kayapo prove me wrong and go on the offensive taking tons of cities, I’m gonna continue to gloat about them being bad.
Emu
Ireland ends the part slightly on the uptick despite their embarrassing settling performance on their home islands. Even as they rise in stats, they make such blunders as Christianshab, Baltimore, and Königs Wusterhausen (A distant outpost named King's Wild House- must be Fred-Willy's party spot). Even so, the rankers think these outposts are no real threat, especially with Collins filling out the region the local governor has dubbed “Angle land” for its slight skew to the west compared to the home island. This is exactly what I'd call a mid-tier performance, and that's right where Ireland is.
Reformer:Quite the part, eh? Yemen joins Uganda in the exclusive club of “civs that can actually fight Kilwa”, and takes the opportunity to cuck Uganda out of Mbarara. Some allies you two are. Either way, this move has shifted Yemen up a few ranks, as is deserved, considering they have a good chance of keeping the city despite the Yemeni navy being a whole era behind the Kilwan navy. One would think this a problem, but the Kilwan AI seems…overwhelmed by the coalition. Nevertheless, Yemen must take care not to overstay her welcome, as her northern flank is awfully open for a Turkish invasion. Further attempts into the Kilwan core would be futile anyway, so please, take joy in what you’ve achieved, and go back to waiting for another opportunity.
Cloudy:
It’s time for Tetouan vs. Mali round 3, or is it 4? In any case, Mali doesn’t have any frontier cities that they’re likely to lose this time, so I don’t expect too much embarrassment. But I also don’t expect Mali to gain anything either. Sundiata Keita would be better off attacking Angola, whose city in the middle of the Malian lands should be driving everyone crazy.
Cloudy:
The Maori managed to jam one more city onto Australia, but now they’re out of room. And with the Inca gobbling up most of Polynesia, what exactly is left for them? A few islands still, but they’re going to need to bulk up and go to war if they want to get out of this bind.
Cloudy:
At this point, we’re kind of waiting for the Normans to do something which will either justify their position, or reveal that they should be a lot lower. And if they keep doing nothing forever, then, well, I suppose that will cause them to drop, won’t it? Just... not yet.
CelestialDalek:Frankly, I’m starting to lose my excitement for Yugoslavia. They’re doing fine and all, but they’re eerily close to Brandenburg and Lithuania, some of the top civs. Their stats are ok, but their position is just becoming worse and worse in comparison to their neighbors. They still have ways out, and if they built up could squash the Normans, especially in a coalition war, but Tito is going to have to do more than resting on his laurels.
CelestialDalek:
This part, Muisca gets some easy pickings from Brazil’s Caribbean holding. They have a fairly good core, but the question is where do they go from here? Kayapo is nestled deep in the jungle, Inca deep in the mountains, and Central America invested in a carpet instead of settlers or science. They’ll need to attack FDR’s Caribbean holdings and become the powerhouse of the sea to go places.
Leman:
Wiradjuri spent this part slowly and steadily filling out the Australian continent. I’m sure at some point they’ll be at a point where they’re strong enough to throw their weight around but until then I’m more interested in Timor-Leste and Indonesia up north.
Leman:
Indonesia is the rising star of S3 so far. They’ve founded two more cities and are in the middle of a Golden Age fueled stats boom. Given this they’ve even made surprising progress against fortress Malolos. It’s hard to tell but one has to wonder if the paradropping boats are part of Indonesia’s success against the Philippines.
Rosay:
Ever since their meteoric rise in the first few parts, Timor Leste has sat around at a comfortable mid tier civ, then they researched education and are leading into Astronomy. Why does this matter so much? Well starting with education, Timor Leste now has the opportunity to gain an exponential advantage over its neighbors(except Kokang they’re out of Timor’s league) and Timor is using that opportunity to its fullest and now has, and I shit you not, the 4th highest tech generation on the cylinder. Secondly, Timor Leste will soon have access to deep ocean ships, which gives them access to their weaker neighbors across the Indian Ocean, mainly Kilwa who they are currently at war with. Pandya is also a viable option too, and I for one welcome the possibility of Timor boat spam.
Altima
Chile ends their war up several cities, in good position to consolidate for a more proper push at a later date. The logistical inconvenience of the Rio cities has been cleared, Rio’s navy trashed and capacity to rebuild it significantly reduced, and for their reward, they drop six ranks. Life’s funny like that. It’s not all madness- while they’ve gone up in cities, they could have probably taken at least one mainland Rio city during the war, yet they kept fumbling the hell out of the offensive for the classic AI reason of trying to swallow too many burgers at once. The Inca, currently the strongest player on the continent, are currently working on one such city, even. Should they take it, Chile will suddenly have a real border with an actual power, one with almost twice as many cities. Oh, and their happiness has gone to shit because of all those crap island cities they captured.
Still, they aren’t out of it. Happiness can be salvaged, and with their current position, they could very well consolidate their holdings to make another push on Rio later, especially if the Inca again fail to take a city in a war they started. Right now, they need to focus on bulking back up, teching up, and generally catching up to their great rival. Infrastructure and infantry, as ever.
Orange:
America somehow jumped up in stats a lot (though maybe that’s mostly just military), not sure if they ended their dark age, but they do still have -5 unhappiness so like, it’s still not going great there. Honestly I don’t have high hopes for them, but for now Arapaho has a wide open flank and maybe they can make use of that. Or they can go for dark age number 4 which would be infinitely funnier.
Orange:
Bengal goes back to being tied for their worst rank, which as far as worst ranks go is pretty good all things considered. But to get to the point, Bengal has been slipping in stats as they refused to do anything with their position, only thing of note they’ve done lately is fruitlessly attack into Kokang’s mountains a few times. Not exactly winner material right here. At least they still have good tech and a decent sized military, just gotta use them again. Maybe attacking Pandya would be good, it can’t go too horribly can it?
Reformer:I’mma be real with you, I don’t think I like Angola’s positioning. Thin spindly borders are hard to defend, and the likes of Mali and Chad could really cause some trouble. And if Botswana joined in (and I know they like to fight Angola), hoo boy, that’d be pretty bad. And unfortunately I don’t think there’s much they can do about that besides pick a good war themselves. Soooo…keep an eye on them?
Leman:
Gokturks are in a bit of a strange spot actually. As has been said many times Gokturks have been focusing on production and military while neglecting science by being the last civ to get Writing. Since getting Writing the Gokturks have fixed this particular problem somewhat. They’re not Kayapo but it’s not embarrassing anymore. What might be embarrassing is missing the opportunity against Han. While Han was fighting Tuva and Kokang, Gokturks could have easily joined in and crushed their southern neighbor. They could still probably deal a lot of damage but with Kokang having peaced out it’s not as secure of an opportunity.
Leman:
Chad had a quiet part, but honestly the stats didn’t really grow as much as I would have liked. Chad’s still in a solid position and still the current front runner in Africa, but that’s a tenuous position as Angola is right on Chad’s heels.
Orange:
The Permians climb once more as their rebuilding efforts are proving effective. A very respectable number of cities still under their control, a few weak neighbors, and a surprising amount of production. As long as Tuva stays distracted with Han for a while longer, things will be good. Maybe Azykay could knock on Tomyris’ door again.
Cloudy:
For the first time since episode 1, the Cree are out of the top 10! Our loss of confidence in them is plain to see, if you read the episode. Poundmaker is fumbling the war against the Kwaks, having now lost two newly founded cities to a much inferior enemy, while the big prize, Tsaxis, was burned to the ground, making this a net loss for the Cree. At the same time, the Arapaho are continuing to ramp up their stats. Pretty Nose has a much beefier empire now, and with her high production stats, she could produce an army to match it at any time. The Cree might still be able to do some damage if they make peace with the Kwaks immediately, pump out some units, and attack swiftly, but we believe time is running out for Poundmaker to avoid becoming second fiddle to Pretty Nose.
Cloudy:
Another episode, another war ended by Kokang without any cities changing hands. How long are we going to let this continue? At least I still have hope that Olive Yang will manage to finish off Cambodia. Or maybe that makes me a fool, idk.
Orange:
MOHAWAII IS REAL WOO! Look at these bois go! Solid number of cities (and can still settle a couple more I believe), really defendable lands, weak cities nearby to take, biggest neighbor has a drought of units, top 10 stats, and still plenty of stats to gain from new cities growing (quickly due to wonders). Mohave have really just snuck their way up here into the top 10 under the nose of everyone else. Things are honestly pretty safe for the Mohave for a while, even if they don’t maintain their top ten position, they are gonna stay strong for quite a while. May only good things continue to come.
Msurdej:
After writing about bottom of the barrel civs this part, I finally get to write about someone interesting: Han. Sadly, the collapse, or even the decline of Wu’s domain that many were hoping for didn’t appear. He and Kokang made peace, leaving the southern borders safe for now. The Tuva still are at war with them, so we could see some bloodshed there.
Cloudy:
After stumbling at first, the Inca seem to be ramping up the pressure on Rio de la Plata, and we could see some real fireworks there next episode. Tupac is also continuing to build up his second power base in the Pacific, where his cities are getting bigger and his presence more permanent. At this point it’s fair to say that while the contest for supremacy in South America is far from over, the Inca have the lead, and should something happen to them on land, they could decide to become a Pacific power instead.
CelestialDalek:Brandenburg continues to stagnate, although less badly. They are a force to be reckoned with, and could topple their less-fortunate neighbors, but for some reason they just aren’t. The Anglo-Norse should be a rollover, but for some reason Canute is holding on. Lithuania has marginally better stats, but it should just take a few cities for Brandenburg to catch back up. Until then, we’ll just have to endure their continual placement tantalizingly next to each other.
Cloudy:
If you read my Cree write-up, you might already know what I think of the Arapaho. Their empire is massive, with lots of land and production; all they’re missing is an army. At the moment, they would probably lose a war to America, but there’s no reason to believe that will always remain the case. Furthermore, the Cree have been looking weak lately, so Pretty Nose is on the verge of irreversibly eclipsing the civ that was once billed as her biggest rival. But can she take advantage of the moment? That remains to be seen.
Reformer: Lithuania continues to bounce around in the 2-6 range, the same thing they’ve been doing for eight parts. In truth, Lithuania is not particularly interesting. They’re strong…but haven’t used that strength for anything. I eagerly await the day we can say something about Lithuania that isn’t “well they’re still in the top 10 very cool”. If you MUST know something interesting, well, hmm…they have the biggest army on the cylinder by a very small margin!
Cloudy:
Afghanistan continues to be an extremely strong civ whose potential has not yet been revealed. They have great stats and are settling cities like there’s no tomorrow, but how good are they really? We are yet to find out, but in my opinion at least, the answer could be “very.”
Altima
Quiet part for the Turks, but that’s fine, they’ve got the stats (and especially science) to chill for a moment as they consolidate their region. They’re still very boxed in by their geography, but they do have avenues out. They could always eat Yemen or Egypt (and hey, maybe the fact that Yemen wasn’t joking about destroying Kilwa will encourage some violence on this front), but there’s also the interesting option of declaring war on the Normans- the Normans are still on triremes, while the Turks have Carracks. Build up some more ships, take advantage of being a generation ahead, wreck some shit, profit? Certainly an interesting way to break out of their box, for certain.
CelestialDalek:Tuva retains their top spot, but by a closer margin than ever before (apart from when the Permians were #1, but you know what I mean). They’re still very strong, have impressive stats all around the board, but the test is dormancy. To beat the curse of Siberian stagnation like the Snoryaks, they’re going to need to go on the attack. Turkey is gaining because they have been on the attack in successful wars, which is in part why they’re so big. The war against Han is, however, not proving to be an absolute curbstomp like some people expected. As long as they can make gains, they’re likely to retain the top spot, but don’t be surprised if Turkey knocks them out.
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