Power Rankings: Episode 15 – S3

It’s curtains for Canute this part. He was the first to lose his capital, and while he used the local geography to fend off Yugoslavia, even the great Admiral Yi wasn’t enough to stave off old Brandy. Given that they got blocked in so early, there’s very little chance any units survived either. Those compbows and that worker aren’t long for this world. They started near Brandenburg, which is a huge problem to start, but their decline was their own fault; the Scandinavian peninsula was theirs for the taking, and they let it slip. But in the end, the Anglo-Norse fought valiantly. They were just completely outclassed. To Valhalla!

Orange:

Well I thought they’d die before A-N so good for them. And it seems Indonesia has failed their last push, so they have a little bit of time to recoup. Maybe they’ll somehow come out of this alive, but it’s unlikely unless Indonesia stupidly peaces out real soon.

Emu

You know, it's a real shame Manchu ended up alive with no land tiles last mark, else Khazaria would have a real shot at the record. They're down to just five land tiles, and this is the first time they've been able to manage a full carpet. They even have a single trireme floating around the Caspian. Imagine being the one Admiral in the Khazar high command. All you really do is sit in Tamantarkhan and watch your little ship float by once in a while. You're trying to get an Aral Sea fleet financed too, but no dice. You know exactly what's coming, you just hope it's not during your lifetime. Maybe you go to a conference once in a while as the token representative. You have 3 other people in your general staff, and life is good.

Reformer:

Eh, nothing much happened. But the Bengal-Kokang war DOES mean that Kokang is less likely to focus on poor ol’ Cambodia. So that’s a nice silver lining to what has otherwise just been a perpetual siege by a major power. Personally I’m looking forward to them keeling over sooner rather than later.

Cloudy:

Remember when Egypt was the top ranked civ in Africa? Neither do I.

Altima

You’re incompetent, Mr. Allen.

You really, really, suck!

You’re somehow fucking broke, your army’s a joke, Mr. Allen.

The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote:

“Suck, sucked, sucks!”

Altima

The Modoc really suck. Fortunately for the Modoc, despite how much they really suck, and despite the actual relevance of their neighbors, the rough terrain around them makes them a bitch to assault. So, just like a particularly resilient fungus, they’ll be around to do nothing and annoy PRs who have to do write-ups for them for the foreseeable future.

Rosay:

Yup Seminole is still one of the most pathetic civ on the cylinder. They did get a small ratings boost granted, but that's really only because the other rumps are doing worse. In my honest opinion they are worse than Vermont but the argument otherwise is completely valid, as the two of them are both one city civs that America doesn't bother to wipe off the map in order to avoid eating the warmonger penalty

Reformer:

Uh oh! Turns out being weak paints a target on your back! Kayapo has come knocking with the most advanced army on the cylinder, and Brazil's only saving grace is that Kayapo doesn't know how to count past, what, 15? Because that's about how many units Kayapo has sent to kill Brazil. Now, I'm not saying Brazil is doing much better in terms of quantity, because Pedro has less than 10 land military units to his name at this point, but defender's advantage applies, and there’s a chance here that Kayapo blunders it. And the rankers more or less agree this to be somewhat likely, as you can tell by their rank not being any lower than this. I would still expect Kayapo to capture at least one of the two cities Pedro holds dear to him.

Leman:

Uganda is alive, but the only thing interesting about Uganda, the unending flipfest with Kilwa, is finally over. There’s nothing really to talk about now, as Uganda turtles in the east African highlands waiting for Chad or Yemen to come and off them.

Cloudy:

Rio de la Plata gains a rank despite being on the back foot against the Inca, perhaps because they’re not as far on the back foot as we expected. Pachacuti at first seemed to have bungled the invasion, then pushed and captured La Rioja, only for RDLP to take it back (although I have been told it flipped to the Inca again, off screen at the last moment). Certainly you can’t be losing cities like that when you only have five of them, which is why these guys are in the bottom 10. But on the bright side, they don’t appear to be in danger of elimination. Or... on the dark side of the bright side, they have Sundiata Keita fighting for them, which means they’re somehow going to lose a city to Brazil.

Orange:

OH SHIT DID YOU SEE WHAT YOLNGU DID THIS PART?

No you didn’t because they didn’t do anything.

CelestialDalek:Ainu is still around. The only reason they are is because their neighbors are also not good. Can you see a North Korean invasion of the Ainu working out? How about a Kwakwaka’wakw naval invasion? The Gokturks succeeding with their horrid tech marching through forest? Ooh, how about the Mori? Once their neighbors stop having abysmal tech and stats, it’s lights out. In other words, we’ll have a while of Ainu.

Emu

The hermit kingdom looks just as it always has, for sure able to fend off any foreign incursion, but completely lacking the stats to head west or the navy to head east. In addition, that recent Han citadel is behind a river on one side and a forest on the other, making it completely impossible for any unit to get in and pillage it without taking the long way round. Time has already run out for Kimmy, the only question now is what sort of little empire he can scrounge up with his meager four cities in order to survive a little longer during the inevitable war to wipe him out.

Rosay:

Of all the civs, the Kyivan Rus is certainly one of them. They aren't exactly yolked like Lithuania or Brandenburg, or even endearing like Ireland or the Normans, but they aren't rumps like Egypt or Khazaria, they're just kinda there, serving as a fence for one of their neighbors. At least they're beating Vladimir though.

Leman:

Mori is part of this weird club of civs who didn’t understand what a settler was until 150 turns into the royale. Because of that long, long hibernation, Mori is more or less screwed. However, because they’ve finally gotten up to six cities, Mori does find itself ranked higher than the other members of our favorite east Asian trio for the first time since episode six.

Leman:

Massagetae rises this week for reasons that honestly confuses me because Massagetae is horrible. Their city count is low, they’re trapped between Permians and Afghanistan with no room for expansion, and they have 59 production, which is honestly just nothing. It’s a matter of time before one of those two heavyweights puts Tomyrus out of her misery.

Altima

Hey, they settled a fifth city! Neat! They still suck, but now they at least suck from a place of growth.

CelestialDalek:It’d be inaccurate to say I’m starting to lose hope in Castile, because that implies there was hope to lose. They’re basically boring Anglo-Dutch. The good news is they’re protected by terrain: the more exciting Castile can’t go after them thanks to the Pyrenees, Tetouan isn’t really able to attack them, and those are their neighbors. You know you’re a bad civ when your neighbors are Tetouan and the Anglo-Dutch and you’re worse than them.

Msurdej:  Morazon is holding off the Arapaho navy for now, which is certainly commendable, as Central America could just fold. That doesn’t seem like something that will happen though, as their navy is competent enough for the time. But if they fail to keep this up, Arapaho, Mohave, or even Musica could take advantage of them and wipe them out.

Emu

Tetouan continues to slide up and down the rankings, but looking at the trendline, they're slowly going up. These guys may look doomed to an uninteresting existence, but they're yet to fight any wars where their excellent naval UA can kick in except some skirmishes with Mali. They'll never be the next Vandals, but don't count this scrappy little collection of Mediterranean cities out just yet. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Sayyida Al-Hurra is here to give us a show.

Leman:

Honestly, did any of you guess that Anglo-Dutch would be the Anglo civ to survive Brandenburg’s wrath the longest? Literally none of us did. Good job, William. Let’s hope that Brandenburg doesn’t go after you next.

Orange:

Kilwa continues to hold and manages to peace out a few members of the coalition, but the war is getting worse for them. Their production is garbage so rebuilding lost units is going to hurt them. In addition they no longer have the naval tech lead, and Yemen’s ships are even making their war to Zanzibar. Luckily they have enough boats left still and pretty safe, but yeah this war is likely taking them out of the running for Africa. Here’s for a Yemen East African Empire!

Leman:

Pandya is future Bengali territory, and I don’t have anything else to say about them.

Msurdej:  Despite their best efforts in the last part, Kwakwaka'wakw fall back down again. The war with the Cree continues to stagnate, which will only benefit the Cree, despite the two fronts with America as well. But Seaweed has one ace up his sleeve: Skanderbeg. You can do it mr. Skanderbeg!

Altima

The Zulu rise two ranks due to statistical noise. Nothing has changed for them, and they continue to do exactly jack and shit just like all the other southern African civs. The only saving grace for them is that their peers suck about as much as them.

Altima

The city of Christianshab, defended by a lone horseman, isolated from the Greenland core (which is itself weak and undermanned), very easily invaded by sea, continues to baffle Christendom by continuing to live. Ireland is distracted by the Spanish Armada for sure, but damn, this is part two of Christianshab outliving my expectations.

Orange:

Vsevolod attacks Kyivan Rus’ unsuccessfully to whittle down both their armies for a bit. It doesn’t sound like a good strategy, but I’m not the one leading a civ. Somehow they are still good enough or the Permians are still weak enough for Vladimir to gain ranks, or maybe it’s just others dropping. Since this felt like just a loss for Vsevolod, less army, still strong neighbors. Maybe next time they go after the Rus they’ll succeed.

Msurdej:  No news is good news for Yongle as he goes up two points for...not being in the episode? I mean, we saw Ming in the background of some slides, but ol’ Yongle got nothing interesting going on this week.  Though they’ll probably dip a bit back down in the coming episodes, so now might be the time to sell your Ming stonks.

JDT:

Irish stonks continue to fluctuate as they continue to stagnate in stats. Their war against Castille could turn ugly fast barring a peace since Isabella managed to upgrade the Spanish armada, and little is to be gained from mainland Spain. Their manpower and production have decreased somewhat, and the isles continue to be littered with exclaves of surrounding powers (and America). If Michael doesn't want the second fall of the Gaels, he must swiftly organize a force to boot out these invaders, and show more heart into war (especially against those damn English in the Netherlands)

Rosay:

Yemen is tricky to rank, because they usually fill the role of rump, mid, and actually pretty decent all in one go. Yemen is sort of a less radical version of Kayapo in that their stats are incredibly imbalanced. For example, their science output is quite large and their navy is genuinely impressive, but their production output is really lacking by comparison and the majority of their cities are vulnerable to a Turkish invasion. This part was kind of a mixed bag too, as they were the first of the many civs at war with Kilwa to do something worth a damn, but they did not take a city and probably won't because of a lack of melee ships. The good and bad factors kinda balance out for Yemen universally put them solidly in the 20s.

JDT:

Another episode, another day of Mali clowning themselves militarily. It's frankly remarkable how this state manages to embarass themselves every single time they attempt a military manoeuver. Sure, Tetouan has the Atlas mountains, but every surrounding power has a far more threatening military. While right now Mali's stats remain stable, time is ticking because the curse of the Sahara is real. There just isn't as much production and food in the region to sustain Mali as much as their competitors, so things aren't exactly looking up.

JDT:

The Maori go down a rank as they begin to lag a bit in stats, and as space in Australia begins to disappear. Even more worrisome, their critical Australian beachheads are undefended and dispartate, while the Wiradjuri claw their way back into some semblance of relevance. Nevertheless, their stats remain good, and though the competition is tough and not getting any weaker, they aren't to be counted out just yet.

Leman:

Muisca slides down the rankings, but still holds onto a respectable 25th place. They had a pretty average part, with a mild stat-improvement and not much else. They are trekking an army across the Amazon to attack Brazil, but honestly, I don’t expect that to do too much besides help out the Kayapo and die. Maybe we’ll get a Rio snipe, wouldn’t that be something?

CelestialDalek:The Normans are still going insanely fucking broke, now losing 64 gold per turn. This does not bode well for them. They have a giant flotilla that has seen no action, a horde of horsemen to rival Genghis Khan that would get its ass kicked by Robert’s enemies, and an empire that is horribly squeezed between civs. Do they have any opportunities? Maybe. Their African forces could attack Chad or go on a suicide mission against Turkey and hope for naval success. They could attack the Angolan settles in the middle of the Sahara. Or stalemate against Tetouan. Every way they go, they’re either going to stalemate or lose. That’s not a good sign, but at least they have a big empire, am I right?

Orange:

I feel like I get the Kayapo slide too much for the ranker most pessimistic about them. They jumped 6 ranks this part mostly in part because they are now also 6 whole techs ahead of second. Seriously their science game is absolutely insane, Turkey seemed like they caught up for a second and then nope! Anyways, yeah they are probably sitting pretty until others can catch up more but Kayapo may just continue to get further ahead here. But as always, science doesn’t win games if you don’t have a military (though to be fair Brazil has less so…).

Cloudy:

Yugoslavia was not mentioned in this episode, and frankly that’s a bad thing. Tito is boxed in and he needs to find a way to break out. If he doesn’t then he’s going to get overrun by Brandenburg, Lithuania, and Turkey in the midgame. There’s still time, but I’d feel better about Yugoslavia if they were using it.

Leman:

Wiradjuri continues to drop the ball due to inactivity. Granted they have finally put a minute effort into central Australia but it is far too little, farther too late. Timor Leste and now Indonesia to a lesser extent are already too strong to break through, and Maori are somehow somewhat of a threat. So congratulations Wiradjuri you are still the worst Aussie civ we have ever had.

CelestialDalek:Suharto continues to place highly after the successful campaign in the Philippines, although he might not quite be done yet. Their naval record is very impressive now, and they have a chance to their west in the form of Bengal. Although this would have seemed insane to say in the first episodes, Timor-Leste is their biggest threat, sporting advanced technology and good stats. As much as I like paratrooping boats, I would like both to see an underdog story and see the Timorese absolutely kick the ass of the guy who genocided them. We’ll see shortly, I hope.

CelestialDalek:

The plucky underdogs of the Sunda Islands continue to be a strong force in the region, although they really need to start picking up steam. They aren’t doing enough to be ranked higher, but they’re still very good for their rank. They could easily beat down their neighbors, but just need the spark of a mass coalition to get them going on that task. If they did that, they would undeniably be placed much higher, but as such we have to be content with their fairly low city count.

JDT:

Bengal continues to tumble as it becomes readily apparent that they're boxed in. Endless wars against the Kokang bear no fruit, their stats continue to stagnate, and Afghanistan and Pandya grow more prepared with every passing day. Worse still, Indonesia can remove 3 cities off their hands in the snap of a finger if they so wish. Times are turning for the Bengal tiger, lest they become a paper tiger.

Msurdej:  

The Military Dictatorship of Chad has a problem. Its people are very unhappy. This is a side effect of their UA, which gave an additional 10 population spread across each city. This sent them from being on the edge of discontent to downright furious. Deby is going to have to address their people’s mood or else his empire may revolt.

Orange:

Chile peaces out a bit too early in my opinion, but they are sitting at -1 unhappiness so not like they would keep a city they take. But overall the war with RDLP was a huge success, they’ve locked down the cape of South America with little enemies. RDLP is crushed and Inca, despite their power, doesn’t have the ability to launch a war against Chile. So Allende’s sitting pretty for now, hopefully he can fix the happiness issue and get right back to kicking the Argentinians out.

Emu

Angola is such a middle of the road African civ. No one really says much about them, even though the general consensus is that they're the premier power in the region. Frankly, they're just not terribly interesting. They're doing great, it's just that they're not really very dynamic, especially next to Kilwa and Chad. But hey, I think those are the first Longswordsmen I've seen.

Leman:

Kokang takes a bit of a dip this week, losing four spots. This might be a bit of a surprise given that nothing dramatic is happening but the stats tell a clear story of stagnation. Kokang lost a lot of military against Bengal this week, continues to fail against Cambodia, and has gained very little production and population in the last part. In fact, the only stat that has significantly improved in the last fifteen or so turns is effective science, as Kokang’s Universities come on line. Again, all of this isn’t horrible but taken as a whole, I’m a little worried about Kokang’s future.

Reformer:

Gök’s major neighbors, Tuva and Han, continue their bloody conflict. Notably, Han’s army has only grown, while Tuva is showing signs of exhaustion. Of course, now would be an opportunity to punish the (former) #1 civ, but instead…we head into a war against Ainu, who’s main defense is rough terrain. Oh, yeah, and a good carpet too. Not the target I would’ve picked, but maybe with enough grinding, Gök can break through and make some gains here. Shiraoi would be a nice addition to the Horde’s domain!

Cloudy:

FDR shoots up to his highest rank since episode 5 as the power rankers begin to realize that he has turned his game around in a big way. America’s stats have skyrocketed, their lands have solidified to the extent possible, and their army is now the 4th largest in the world, far exceeding that of any other North American civilization. If America’s empire weren’t so scattered and disconnected, they might be even higher. That’s all that’s holding them back—though maybe their choice of enemies is, too. Attacking the Cree, whom they can barely reach, makes a lot less sense than attacking the Arapaho, who have swathes of nearby land that they can’t even defend against a few barbarians. Still, America has a huge military edge over any of its neighbors in a 1:1 combat scenario, which is an enviable advantage. It just remains to be seen whether they’ll use it wisely.

Leman:

Permians inches closer to re-entering the top 10 after another quiet part of rebuilding and restoration. However, as Permians get closer to that coveted top 10 spot I think it might almost be time for them to start flexing their muscles again. Massagetae is still trash, Vladimir’s success seems to be a little bit of a fluke and Tuva is distracted, dropping cities to Han. Seems like it’s a perfect time for Azykay to strike.

 Cloudy:

The Cree make it back into the top 10, just barely, due to the failings of their southern neighbor, the Arapaho. Just one episode ago I was talking about how The Cree were at risk of falling into the Arapaho’s shadow, but now we’re not so sure. It’s not that Cree are looking better—they’re still trying to settle cities that are immediately lost to the Kwaks—but that Arapaho is looking so much worse. If barbarians can get in some serious knocks against their capital, then the Cree could too, in theory. But we’re not holding our breath, especially with Poundmaker now pulling a Schlieffen and fighting in the east and west at the same time.

Reformer:

A quiet part of buildup for Mohave. They have acquired their UU with various utilities as described in the episode. And an opportunity presents itself, as Arapaho exhausts its southern reserves in a war against Central America, and the northern reserves loiter in Cree lands while rebels siege the capital. A shining opportunity indeed, for Mohave to take advantage of the empty Arapaho south. Or, I guess they could take Arapaho’s side in the nearby conflict and apply pressure to Central America instead, but come on, Arapaho is a much juicier target.

Emu

Arapaho's position looks more and more precarious with America's meteoric rise right on their undefended eastern border. We *still* don't know where their military is, and apparently they don't either, because barbarians (oh, did I mention they have unhappiness problems too??) have significantly damaged their capital. Which is right on their also completely undefended northern border. But hey, at least they're safe against the Mohave. Can't be losing cities to Mohave. Oh, except the ones in Mexico. Those can go.

JDT:

The Inca remain steady as their invasion of RDLP continues. By all stretches of logic, they are decisively winning, with La Rioja in their grasp and further assaults south. However, La Rioja really isn't that big of an asset in the grand scheme of things (though any city with prime territory that connects to larger cities is a big fain) and further gains seem unlikely. Nevertheless, every single stat of theirs is still good, and South America really has no main competition for them, though their pacific holdings may become the envy of eastern powers one day. Lucky number 7 you go.

Msurdej:  With other top powers making moves, to the lazy comes the downgrade. Gediminas hasn’t done much with their power, though there might be a good reason for that. Lithuania is suffering from mid game unhappiness,  which is hurting their stats, most notably their lackluster production. If Gediminas can build some happiness increases, work on some production increases, they’ll be in a good spot to start making moves, predominantly in the east, as Brandenburg is starting to outclass them harder.

Emu

Han pulls off a stellar defense against hyperpower Tuva, even taking a city off an undoubtedly stronger civ and holding it just fine. After failing to conquer the Ming, the rankers didn't really think there'd be any great power in China, but now we're not so sure. They may not be in the most advantageous position if this war goes on too long, but for now at least, Tuva is definitively on the backfoot.

Cloudy:

Despite suffering from intense unhappiness and all the penalties that go with that, Brandenburg proves that might still does make right, crushing the Anglo-Norse through sheer numbers. Canute held out for a bit, but it didn’t matter. Brandenburg walked away with two large, productive cities and an elimination to their name. And frankly, that’s nothing less than what we expected of them when we ranked them in the top 5 before the season even started.

Leman:

After seven parts on top Tuva finally relinquishes its hold on the top spot. Honestly, this is mostly due to the loss of Samagaltay to the Han. Yes, this is just one city of almost two dozen, and yes, it was a fringe city on the other side of mountains, but honestly, you can’t be dropping cities to civs with 2/3s your military and still expect to be number one. Don’t get me wrong, Tuva is doing absolutely fantastic, and I fully expect Donduk to claim the number one spot again sometime.

Altima

Another quiet part for the resolute top five contender, Afghanistan didn’t do much this part. And really, what can they exactly do right now? While their military is large, it’s spread out holding turf across a huge area; while they’re strong, their neighbors are all strong enough to resist (Bengal, Turkey) and/or have horrible hell geography for an invasion (Pandaya, Turkey, Kokang). Thus, they’re stuck bulking up until they can break a stalemate. They can only hope that they actually get that strong without withering away like a Punjab.

Leman:

All hail our new number one civilization! Turkey finishes its long, steady climb up the rankings by snatching the top spot away from Tuva. It’s well deserved too. Turkey’s stats are staggering. They have the largest army, the second most science (after Kayapo), the most population, top five production and fifteen massive cities. They have no threatening neighbors, besides their fellow Sunni civ, Afghanistan, and a bunch of crappy civs they could demolish if they want to. Turkey is a titanic presence in the game right now and I’m excited to see how Ataturk capitalizes on his lead.