Power Rankings: Episode 18 – S3

Rosay:

Fellas, it sadly wasn’t Modoc sweeping time. In fact there was no modoc sweeping, like at all. They had one decent defense against two powers not prepared for war a couple parts back. But that was it.

F

Msurdej:

Yolngu follows the tradition of the Australian civ that doesn’t do as well as its opposite comrade. Wonggu just never managed to settle as much as Windradyne, and eventually got conquered by their southeastern neighbors, and surprisingly, Timor-Leste. Yolngu goes into the night, lost and quickly forgotten.

JDT:

The Duckboys are, no pun intended, sitting ducks. Though they have gotten out of the pan of the Cree, they are now getting seared in the flames of the Gokturks. They’re down to 3 cities, all of which are liable to getting captured by early next part. Their army is dead, their production is shot, everything about their situation spells doom. It's actually quite remarkable how quickly they collapsed from mid-tier to dead. Prepare yourself for some grilled duck.

Emu:

The perennial rump of the Caspian wasn't sighted at all this part...... or last part, for that matter. It's not like we particularly need to see them to know how they're doing anyway. All I can really say about them is it's a good thing I got assigned  almost all civs like them given how busy I am this week.

Emu:

With the fall of Sat Poro Pet, the dynamic trio is that much closer to becoming the dynamic duo. Someone has to be the victim every time a sleeping giant wakes up, like a redshirt dying to prove the threat of the week is serious. Ainu has taken the very brunt of the Gok revival, and even a heroic last-minute defense of their Hokkaido capital couldn't save them from being exiled to the place on the cylinder the AI hates most: Northern Honshu. Truly the most horrible of fates.

Rosay:

You know they’re a speed bump for Turkey or Chad, I know they’re a speed bump for Turkey or Chad, We’ve all already lighted them up so hard they’ve become a nightlight, let’s move on.

Emu:

Apparently Kokang and Cambodia have actually been at war for quite a while, and I'm not sure whether it's impressive or sad that Cambodia isn't dead yet. They were the first civ to get rumped, and so far they've outlived 7 civs and seen 5 others join them in the city-state club. I think it's probably too early to say they'll live until Artillery for sure, but it's certainly not out of the question. It's not often that the fact Musketmen and Spearmen look kind of similar becomes relevant, but here we are.

Leman:

The greatest thing that can happen for a bottom tier city-state is other civs doing worse than them. In Vermont’s case, that was Kwakwaka’wakw and Ainu, which resulted in a nice little bump for Vermont.

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Leman:

Chad did not kill Uganda in episode 18.

Orange:

It’s spelled ouan. It’s spelled ouan. It’s spelled ouan. It’s spelled ouan. It’s spelled ouan.

Tetuoan did well keeping the Malian offensive at bay, but the war has been a costly one.

Fuck.

Leman:

Well. Tomyrus’s time has come. Tuva isn’t going to declare war on the Permians to bail Massagetae out this time, because Tuva has also declared war! At least it's unlikely for Massagetae to die this episode, Asir is a bit of a trek for both of these invading powers, but it would be an incredible stroke of luck for Massagetae to finish this war in one piece.

JDT:

Good news, the Ming have some action! Bad news, it’s not the good kind! The Han have further commenced with their invasion and successfully taken Nanjing, with Fuzhou almost certain to follow. The Han reserves are a little exhausted, and there is a very strong fleet present to defend Shuntian and the Kyushu colonies, but the already marginal chances of Ming to become a competitor have evaporated completely. Now, the question is no longer if they can win, it’s how long will they live and who will reap the rewards.

Emu

Kyiv proves to be the hardiest civ on the cylinder, even if they're not the strongest. They keep resisting invasions by major powers, but they can't turn that defensive strength around and make any headway at all. This part, their Black Sea navy has somehow managed to fend off the mighty Turkey, keeping Olga's 3 city core intact as ever. I'm not sure how they do it, but I know whoever finally breaks this eastern bulwark will have proven they have what it takes to be a top contender in Europe.

JDT:

Centroamerica rises 3 in the rankings, mostly due to other powers getting bodied hard or people realizing that there are worse empires about. Morazon remains in his impenetrable coma.

Leman:

Rio moves back up a handful of spots. Good for them, I guess. They didn’t do anything and I don’t really have anything to say.

Altima:

Well, this could have gone better. Botswana loses a city this part, probably could have stopped that if they had mobilized their boats sooner. They may well flip it back with how thin the Zulu are on the ground, weird that the Zulu are so naval this run. Still, it looks like the Bots are themselves starting to thin out a bit, which isn’t a great sign for the war going forward.

Msurdej:

North Korea moves to its highest point ever, due entirely to other countries being more messed up than theirs is currently. Yay for flying under the radar of the Han and Gokturks.

Leman:

Turns out the Kilwa flip of Thootakudi was a complete fluke and Pandya goes back to sleepy mediocrity.

Reformer:

Not like they did anything. Next!

Altima

So the Mori are boring and uninteresting. They aren’t doing anything, and seem bent on continuing to do nothing despite their carpet. The most interesting thing they could do would be to declare on the Ainu and unify Japan for true- even as weak as the Mori military is, even as hellish as the geography would be, the Ainu army consists of two hookers and an eight ball. Knocking them over should be in the cards even for an AI. That wouldn’t really improve Mori’s position much, but it would at least make the map prettier, and it would at least be a slight positive direction compared to the stagnation at hand.

JDT:Vladimir goes down yet another 2 points as their position looks increasingly precarious, and their statline increasingly insufficient. They are sandwiched between the bear of the Permians and the bull of the Lithuanians, and unlike yesteryear they no longer have the leeway and manpower to cherry-pick stray cities off both of them. Production is ok, but all other stats are very mediocre. There increasingly seems to be no outs for Vsevolod, so I suppose he’s now leading a Vladi-meal for one power or another.

Orange:

Castile has really done well pushing the Irish out of Brittany, but they should watch out as Ireland does have the same boats now. They will be safe for a while, maybe they could try to grab Rotterdam while they still have the advantage.

Leman:

With Yolngu and Philippines dead, Maori finds itself as clearly the worst of the Austronesian civilizations. Wiradjuri has finally completely kicked Maori off the mainland of Australia, Indonesia and Timor-Leste are consolidating and pumping up their stats while Maori sort of just sits around trying not to bleed off even more cities to the yellow menace. They can’t even move east into the Pacific, because they’ll run right into Incan Polynesia. Maori are looking like they’re fresh out of options at this point.

On the bright side, Wiradjuri doesn’t seem incredibly capable of invading the Maori homeland, so I guess that’s worth a couple of ranks?

Reformer:

Well, they made peace with Pandya after they took their city back. Probably not a bad move. Caravels aren’t exactly what you want to use for cross-ocean campaigns. But a good sign of the kind of ambition Ali ibn al-Hassan still harbors!

Orange:

Still not the best part for Collins, the Irish clearly weren’t built to be boatmen, instead deciding to send a variety of embarked units. Maybe they can hire that Kayapo privateer to help them retake Oviedo…

Msurdej:

Despite the capture of Serowe, Cetshwayo ends up falling in the rank. I’d chalk this up to ranking static, that and the Zulu are probably not going to take any more cities.

Leman:

Greenland’s doing a good job defending from the American war machine, which is pretty impressive given that America still has the fifth largest army on the cylinder, and Greenland is hopelessly outclassed in just about every way. I think any hope of great Greenlandic fleets washing over the Eastern seaboard is long since over, so a stalwart defense is probably the best we can hope for from Hans. At least he’s delivering.

Emu

Yugoslavia is in a very similar position to their southern European twin the Normans, but with worse stats. They have a fair few weaker neighbors to pick on, but they're just..... not. Tito created a top 10-worthy empire with his opening moves, and then decided ”welp, that's good enough, may as well just call it a day” and seemingly hasn't looked at the game since. Yugoslavia is a civ who'll always have people thinking that maybe they could wake up and make a real power of themselves, but they probably never will.

Orange:

The Muisca are just sitting around after their little Central American conquest, which is not helping them. They need to actually buff up their cities already. Checking the stats, they have 13 cities, which is impressive, but have 149 production, less than half of that of Indonesia who has the same number of cities. What are they doing with all their land and citizens?

Orange:

Yemen continues to not make sense. They are just barely in the top 20 in terms of stats, their expansion and wars have been minimal at best, they have about the same size army as number 3 civ Turkey (and with how empty their lands are it feels like Turkey’s numbers are tied up in all those carracks), and they’ve been maintaining a fairly high tech level as well. By all accounts it doesn’t make much sense. Anyways, C’MON ARWA ATTACK TURKEY ARABIA IS EMPTY AS FUCK!

Rosay:

Last week I said the Normans could be cooking something up on Chad or Tetouan, seems like they're setting those two up to an extended dethaw while they try to find the last twinkie that they swore they didn't eat. Seems like the Normans developed one hell of a hate boner because they spent the entire part passive aggressively scheming against Botswana, who keep in mind, is on the opposite side of the continent. Normans could easily become a top 15 maybe even top 10 civ if they were to just invade an actual neighbor they could beat.

Cloudy:

Mali rises another rank despite somewhat fumbling the war against Tetouan, in the process failing to take a capital that we thought would surely fall. Still, Mali’s stats continue to improve, and this military failure could simply turn out to be a minor hiccup, as long as Sundiata remembers to send in another wave of units.

Cloudy:

Chad fails to climb back into the top 20 for another episode as their stats continue to stagnate and their neighbors remain un-invaded. Maybe we’ll reconsider if they invade Egypt, but no one’s holding their breath.

Emu:

Oh boy. The former greatest power in SEA plummets 7 ranks as an unexpected contender from the south rocks up in galleons and frigates to lay waste to the Kokang coast. Their inland territories are safe for sure, but there's no shortage of valuable cities on the South China Sea coast. Olive Yang is not terribly navally inclined; one can only hope she'll be able to scrape up enough ships and land-based ranged units to mitigate the damage caused by the strongest fleet on the Cylinder. Overall, the chance of that is fairly slim. You heard it here first, folks: $KOK has gone soft.

Leman:

Chile continues its steady decline as their stats fail to climb much after they crushed Rio de la Plata, and Kayapo emerges as the clear number two of South America. Chile’s kind of always been overranked in the rankings compared to its rank on the stats sheet. For a while I expected the stats to catch up, but so far, they haven’t. So down, down Chile goes. Slowly, but steadily.

Cloudy:

Bengal’s long, slow descent finally reversed a bit, just before they otherwise would have dropped out of the top 20. That’s not because Bengal actually did something—they didn’t—but because one of their biggest rivals, Kokang, fell even harder. Shujah-ud-Din shouldn’t get overconfident, though: Indonesia could probably fuck him up just as easily.

Orange:

Honestly Angola shouldn’t be this high, they should get back out of the top 20. They are really only here because us rankers still think they are the best of Africa. None of the African civs this mk are doing too spectacularly well, unlike all the previous mks, it seems this one is dominated by civs in Asia and North America. So because no one from Africa is doing super well, it means that Angola gets to be top of the pack, powerful civs are going to have more trouble fighting other powers then for a smaller power to become the leader of a continent with none. Kinda wish it was Yemen though, and they didn’t even start in Africa.

Rosay:

Despite the very obvious military deficiency, Kayapo is probably the second best civ on the South American Continent. This is mainly because A, Kayapos non-inca opponents are pretty demilitarized (‘cept for Chile but there's a decent gap between them); B: They got the jungles of the Amazon to protect them; and C, that big meaty science surplus is starting to pay dividends. Right now, Kayapo is the only civ to reach the industrial era and is a whopping 10 techs over the next most advanced civ! Soon we're going to start seeing Kayapo get industrial level navies and artillery that literally allows them to drop bombs on Inca from the safety of their own home and become more of a fortress than it already is. Just, please build up a military and invade Rio De La Plata.

Reformer:

Suharto doesn’t rest! Not much, anyway. He has Kokang in his mind next, and though Kokang certainly can put up more of a fight than Philippines ever could, the Indonesian navy is one of the strongest and most advanced on the cylinder, and it is only a matter of time until Kokang’s defenses crumble, and Suharto can begin to siege the coastline. What remains to be seen is how the war progresses from there, though. Kokang has plenty of land units, and plenty of production to keep replenishing the army. With the exception of Hainan (Muse), this war might devolve into a flipfest, which will certainly hurt Kokang, but wouldn’t help Indonesia all that much. The outcome remains to be seen!

Cloudy:

A reevaluation of our priorities in North America has caused us to drop America by five ranks, as they continue to not invade any of their vulnerable neighbors, and instead continue their unsuccessful invasion of Greenland. Their army dropped from the 2nd largest to 5th largest, and Arapaho bulked up its production, which could portend a military buildup. Also, Cree is ascendant. So does America deserve to be in the top 10? At the moment, definitely not, but the window for them to change that hasn’t closed yet.

Cloudy:

The Permians hold steady in 14th place despite the fact that they just declared a major war against their weaker neighbors the Massagetae. We expect a resounding victory from this war, given the production and tech difference between the two, but apparently we’re skeptical enough of the Permians that we want to actually see it first. Don’t count your chickens ‘till the hatch, and all that.

Altima:

So on one hand, Wiradjuri has successfully bunted the Maori off the mainland and even taken an island city from them. The war is still ongoing, and with the depleted Maori military, they might well be able to snag a few more islands in the coming part. On the other hand, their attempts to stop Timor-Leste from establishing a foothold in the graveyard of the Yolngu have utterly failed. Both sides are massing land forces in theater, but navally, T-L has a strong lead and may well be able to snag some coastal turf, especially now that the Yolngu are out of the way. This seems like a make-or-break part for Wiradjuri- can they bunt the invaders back to the sea and consolidate Australia, or will they be condemned to a slow grind of irrelevance?

Reformer:

Indeed, Yolngu is gone. Another weakling in the region crushed in search of glory. But war is not over. Wiradjuri seeks unification and security; Timor seeks glory and strength. Wiradjuri is too strong to challenge on land, but at sea the story is different. The Frigate is simply unmatched. We may see some coastal cities flip, but due to Wiradjuri numbers this would take plenty of effort, and considering these civs have been fighting for a while, I would consider it likely we’ll see a peace deal next part.

Emu:

People are saying that this is a big part for Mohave, but I really don't buy it. They sniped a single low-pop city with not a lot in it, that's about all. At this point, the geography is such that they aren't really much of a contender in North America, Northern South America, *or* the Pacific. Their stats are good, but they have absolutely nothing to show for it except for the fact that they haven't been steamrolled into the dust yet. Their only real saving grace is that they have the Gate of the Sun. Irataba really should be finding himself a good 5 ranks lower.

Msurdej:

Pretty Nose got snubbed this week, as Willie Seaweed ends up giving away Agawesh to the Cree. Just as the city was about to be taken by the Arapaho army. Now, without a good way to the remnants of the Kwakwaka'wakw, Arapaho is going to have to find another civilization to pick on.

Leman:

Inca takes a bit of a tumble this episode as happiness problems plague the Incan empire, and cause major problems in Inca’s stats. We saw the revolts during the episode, but you may not have noticed that Inca lost 179 production! Which is a lot! It’s more production that their northern neighbor, Muisca, has in total. Perhaps spamming cities throughout Polynesia wasn’t the best idea?

Regardless, Inca holds on to their top 10 spot and is still a major force to be reckoned with. We’re confident they’ll be dealing with their happiness problems soon and be back on top shortly.

Altima

Mo’ like Lith-who-ania. Anyway, things are about the same for Gedimas as they have been for several parts now- strong enough stats, comparable to Brandenburg in most relevant areas (biggest difference is that Lith has more soldiers while Bran has more production), and generally being quite sleepy. For this sleepiness, and as a result of other fluctuations, they drop a rank. So it goes.

Cloudy:

At long last, the once-maligned Gokturks have decisively broken into the top 10, reclaiming a spot they have not held since episode 2. This episode featured a series of brilliant plays by Bumin Qaghan, from his successful embarked capture of the Ainu capital, to his subsequent declaration of war on an extremely vulnerable Kwakwaka’wakw, which could result in the capture of three additional cities. Furthermore, the Gokturks’ stats are now solidly top 10 material, and they aren’t even bad at science anymore, for the first time breaking into the top 15 there as well. So at this point, there’s simply no denying that they are a top contender in Asia.

Msurdej:

The Cree have a problem. Their recent conquests of Willie Seaweed’s capital and other cities have given them a MASSIVE boost in unhappiness. At -16, the Cree are the most unhappy civ on the cylinder. This is causing massive penalties to their science and production, despite a good population and the most cities.

Leman:

Han seized Nanjing, a massive city and became the first civ to hit three capitals. (They also have Qocho’s capital of Qarakhoja, and, of course, their own, Chang’an). So, technically, Han is winning! They’ve got 58 more to go, but Han is off to a fantastic start and there’re plenty more easy capitals to grab nearby, like North Korea’s Pyongyang. Which, Wu, will get right on, right after he pushes Ming off of mainland Asia.

Leman:

Afghanistan is mildly starting to worry me. Not because anything bad happened, they’re still an absolute stats monster. It’s because I’ve written, “Afghanistan didn’t do anything but their stats are absolutely insane,” like four times now. Which is a lot of times to write that. They’ve gotta wake up and do something if they want to keep these lofty heights. And what could Afghanistan do? Well, it may be a little late to eat Massagetae, I bet Tuva and Permians have that covered. But Pandya is still around and trash. Maybe go after those central Asian cities owned by Mohave, Tuva and Kokang? Maybe they can attack Bengal? There are a lot of opportunities still available to Afghanistan, Durrani just has to capitalize on them.

Altima

Turkey didn’t do anything on screen this part. There are some things that can be said for them, like how the Egypt wars may get Turkey involved to finish what they started so long ago, or how they’ve rebuilt their army to at least be properly a peer to Yemen (seriously, Yemen’s military is randomly stronk for no reason). But really, this is mostly just a filler part as far as the Turks are concerned. Let’s wait and see what they get up to next.

JDT:

Brandenburg remains in second place. I really don’t quite know what is left to be said about Fredrick Wilhelm, he just has a fucking monster of an empire. Good science, production, growth, a great 20000 strong military, 22 cities and growing, the only blemish on his record right now is -2 happiness. All that he needs to do to dominate the globe is to throw a dart towards one of his western neighbours. Of course, if he doesn’t do this soon he will begin stagnating, but with the heft of his empire, I doubt he won’t start scheming soon.

Leman:

Tuva holds its place at the top of the power rankings, again, reminding everyone that Turkey being up here was a fluke and we were silly for doubting Tuva. With a massive production, only outdone by Afghanistan (who, I think, is in a golden age), 22 cities, the most population, a large military, solid science, it's clear to see why Tuva is keeping hold of its top spot after all these episodes. They even made a move, declaring war on Massagetae with their old nemesis the Permians. It’s obviously no question that the Massagetae are absolutely 100% completely screwed, the only question is, how will Massagetae’s six cities get divided up? Personally, I’m thinking 4 for Permians, 1 for Tuva, and 1 for Massagetae, just because of geography, but Tuva can absolutely prove me wrong.